Pieces of You: Supercorp
by j.sauntor27
Summary: Lena has always been there for Kara. Confronted with her sister's drinking problem, Kara turns to her best friend and it changes their lives forever. Lillian Luthor returns to National City and causes problems for Kara and her friends. (Supercorp, Sanvers) Warning: addiction, torture, assault, PTSD. Feel free to comment!
1. 1) Night Out

this is my first fic-I know it can get wordy, but "why use 1 word when 7 will do?"

* * *

Kara looked around the bar. Everyone was having a good time; Maggie and Winn were playing pool while J'onn grimaced from the sidelines every time Winn missed the cue ball, and James and Lucy were eyeing each other across the table she was sitting at. The only person she couldn't find was Alex.

Her sudden panic was quelled by a quick scan of the bar. Alex was leaned over the counter with her back to the tables, nursing a scotch. Kara smiled to James and Lucy who barely registered her and weaved her way over to her sister.

"Hey." She nudged Alex gently with her elbow and took the seat next to her. Her older sister barely looked up before turning back to the drink in her hand. Was it her second? Third? Fourth? Trying to be subtle, Kara watched the level of liquid in the glass; there was still a good half left so she directed her attention back to her sister. "Hey," she said again to the side of Alex's head.

This time Alex looked up. "Hey." The edges of her mouth turned up in the beginnings of a smile and a shout of "Agent Schott! Look where you're aiming!" cut through the noise of the bar. Looking over her shoulder, she saw J'onn holding a pool ball Winn had evidently shot off the table. Maggie was leaning on her pool cue, doubled over with laughter. As her eyes fell on her girlfriend, a full smile stretched across her lips and she turned to look at Kara who had also craned her neck to see the commotion. "I thought he said it was just geometry and sticks?"

Kara laughed, glad that her sister seemed remarkably alright. She knew Alex bounced back from ordeals faster than most people but she also knew her sister tended to shove her feelings down inside her and act like nothing happened. Like she hadn't almost drowned and Maggie hadn't almost let a murderer out on the streets to save her.

As the laughter bubbled away, she looked her sister in the eyes and gave her a cautious smile. "So...how are you doing?" she asked hesitantly.

Alex paused for a moment, then lifted the glass of scotch to her lips and took a sip. "Good," she said tersely. She raised the glass for another sip.

Kara arched an eyebrow and watched Alex sip her drink. When the glass was closer to empty than full, she took a deep breath. "Are you sure? I know you got in a good punch and J'onn wiped his mind so he doesn't even remember you, but—"

"I'm fine, Kara." Alex looked at her sister and smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. "Really. And it was a _great_ punch, though it was nowhere near what he deserved." She pushed the glass away from her and settled down in her bar stool. "You can stop worrying about me," she said, even as her head tilted and her vision doubled, but she blinked twice and only one of her sister was in front of her.

"I know I don't _have_ to worry about you but that doesn't mean I won't always do it anyway," Kara pouted. "And if I worried about you half as much as you worry about me, you wouldn't be able to stand me. You take the protective big-sister thing so far it's almost ridiculous, especially because I'm—me."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Fair point. I'm not changing though." There was a short silence between the two as they thought about what had happened a few days ago.

Kara reached out to put her hand on her sister's arm to though to convince herself that she was really there. She had really almost lost her, almost lost a vital part of herself.

Alex shut her eyes for a moment, then drew a breath and looked up, about to say something.

* _ring ring*_

The noise startled the two apart and Kara fumbled for her phone. Her eyebrows knit when she saw the caller ID and her heart contracted. With a goofy smile on her face, she answered the call.

"Lena?"

Alex looked over at the name, wondering what Lena Luthor would want with her sister at almost ten at night.

"She what?...No, no, of course. It's not too late, don't worry about it. I haven't even gotten home yet," Kara rambled. Alex raised an eyebrow. "Your—your house? Um, if you're sure that's okay...what's the address?" There was a pause as Lena told her over the phone and Kara tried to visualize a map of National City. "Okay. Okay. I'll be there in a sec—in-in ten minutes," Kara stammered out. "See you soon." She hung up the phone and was greeted by Alex's skeptical look.

"It's a little late for a reporter to schedule an interview, don't you think?"

Kara's expression turned serious. "Actually, I told her to call me if she had any information. About her mother. She only just got home."

"Oh, you mean her evil, Cadmus-running, escaped felon mother? The one that we just today found out may be hiding in National City?"

Kara let out an exasperated sigh, wishing her sister was slightly less set in stone. "I know you don't love Lena but she is nothing like her mother. And yes, I told her I'd let her know if we found anything out..." she trailed off and looked away, guilt plain in her eyes.

"What?" Alex's questioning tone was stern. _Apparently you're in love with her and you're just too dumb to see it._

"Apparently...her mother just visited her?" Kara smiled guiltily, jumping up from her seat. "She's already gone," she said in response to Alex's unformed question. "I promise I'll find out everything I can! I'll see you later!" She ran out the door before Alex could stop her. Once she was outside the bar, she jumped into the air. It was too dark for anyone to see her and the fastest way to Lena's was flying. Despite the chill in the air and the situation with Lena's mother, she felt warm inside. She had always wondered what Lena's house looked like and now she was getting the chance to see it. She hadn't seen Lena all week, the CEO had been busy with meeting and shareholders, and lately she had been missing her friend.

Letting out a tired breath, Alex turned back to the bar, not seeing Maggie's watchful gaze focused on her back. She downed the dregs of her scotch and motioned to the bartender to bring over another. She didn't want to think, didn't want to feel anything.

"Didn't want to drink in front of the little sister?" The bartender smiled amicably, pouring another drink.

Alex reached for the glass eagerly. "Something like that," she grumbled under her breath, downing half the drink in one swallow.

"Rough day?" The bartender started to clean some glasses behind the bar.

"Something like that." Alex hoped her attitude made it clear she wasn't there to talk and downed the rest of her drink, holding out her empty glass.

With a passive expression the bartender filled her up. "You sure can hold a lot of liquor for such a little lady. That's your seventh."

Alex smiled insincerely. "I've had a lot of practice." She swallowed more of her drink before getting up and heading over to her girlfriend. With a slight stumble, she reached the pool table where J'onn was teaching Winn how to aim. He glanced up at Alex as she approached, narrowing his eyes at her unsteady movements before Maggie blocked his view and hugged her.

"Hey there, Danvers." Maggie smiled.

Alex looked into her eyes. "You're pretty." She leaned in and heard Winn whistling as she kissed Maggie. Maggie leaned back, breaking the kiss long before Alex wanted her to.

"Had a little too much to drink, have we?" Maggie chuckled at Alex's disappointed expression, prying the glass from Alex's hand. "Let's not spill this everywhere." She leaned back in and kissed her again. This time, Alex was the one to break away, only because she couldn't stop smiling. All the alcohol was making her gaze unfocused but she held on to Maggie to keep herself from swaying. Maggie was her rock, her marble column of a girlfriend.

"I love you." Alex leaned into Maggie's neck, breathing in her scent of smoke and flowers. Maggie laughed and propped her up.

"I think I'll get this one home before it's too late," she nodded to J'onn and Winn. They smiled back, wrapped up in their impromptu pool lesson. Maggie looked over to where James and Lucy were sitting but they had disappeared at some point earlier in the night, probably off to have a good time. She went over to the chair she had draped her jacket on and put Alex's half-empty glass on the nearest table, with Alex clinging to her like a child the whole time. "Ready to go, babe?" she asked, slinging her jacket around her shoulders.

"Yes, please," Alex smiled. Blinked slowly, deliberately, like it took all of her attention. "Wait." She leaned over and picked up her glass, finishing it off just as Maggie said

"Maybe you should hold off—"

"Hm?" Alex looked up through blurry eyes. "What was that?"

"Nothing." Maggie smiled. "Damn, you really put me to shame with your liquor input, you know that?" She took her girlfriend's hand and led her to the door. Once outside, she had to prop Alex up against the wall. "Alright, I'm driving. Give me your keys."

"What! You drove us here. I'm driving." Alex drunkenly fumbled around for her keys. _Where did I put them?_

"You're hammered. I'm driving, doofus," Maggie snorted.

"No, no, I'm good I just need to find..." Alex patted her jacket pockets trying to remember where she'd put her keys and Maggie watched her, amused. Getting an idea, she suddenly pressed herself against Alex, completely cutting off her train of thought.

"Hi," came Alex's breathy whisper.

"Hi," Maggie whispered back, wrapping her hands around Alex's waist. She prayed Alex was too drunk to notice anything as she slid her hand into her back pocket, feeling for her keys. _Jackpot_ , she thought, hooking the keyring onto her finger. She slid away from Alex who almost fell over from the sudden movement.

"Hey! Those are mine!" Alex reached for the keys but missed by a long shot. She pouted as Maggie jangled them in front of her face, smirking.

"Come on. Let's get you home, Danvers." Maggie stepped forward and put her arm back around Alex's waist, supporting her on the walk to her car. Alex let herself be led into the seat and closed her eyes once she was sitting down. Smiling, Maggie started the car and drove to Alex's apartment. Fifteen minutes later she was shaking her awake, much to Alex's displeasure.

"Mmmm," Alex grumbled, turning her head away from Maggie's attempts to get her out of the car.

Maggie rolled her eyes and tried to lift Alex off the seat. "Either try to walk or I'll leave you in here for the night."

"You wouldn't," came Alex's slurred response, but she slowly got out of the car.

"You wanna bet?" Maggie chuckled, focusing on getting Alex inside. Once they were in the apartment, Maggie kicked off her shoes and put Alex on the couch. "Come on, babe. Drink this glass of water and I'll let you go to sleep."

"But 'm tired," Alex sighed, leaning back against the cushions.

"I know you are but you'll regret it tomorrow if you don't drink something besides scotch. Good girl," Maggie teased as Alex chugged it down.

Her eyes were already closing. "Can I sleep now?"

"Yeah," Maggie said softly. "Good night." Alex was already asleep and snoring softly. She turned Alex over before draping a blanket across her and kissed her forehead. "See you in the morning, babe."

Heading for the bedroom, she sighed, tossing her NCPD jacket onto the floor. It had been a long, thirteen hour day of nothing but paperwork and she relished the idea of a good night's sleep. The second her head hit the pillow she was out like a light, not even thinking about the fact that it was just one more night in a long string of nights that Alex had been too drunk to make it to the bedroom.


	2. 2) Dinner at Lena's

Kara landed on Lena's street and ran up the driveway to Lena's door, pausing at the threshold to straighten her sweater. She felt suddenly nervous, having never been to Lena's house. She could walk around the L-Corp building in her sleep but something about showing up at Lena's door felt strangely intimate.

"Get it together, Danvers," she muttered under her breath. "You've carried thousands of tons of steel and stopped a spaceship with your own bare hands. It's just Lena." _Then why are you as nervous as a boy asking a girl to the prom?_ She raised her hand to knock but before she could, the door swung open and Kara was greeted by the sight of a barefoot Lena in an MIT sweatshirt and yoga pants. Her heart thudded in her chest.

"Kara," Lena greeted her with a smile. "I'm so glad to see you, come on in." When Kara didn't move, she tilted her head to the side. "Is something wrong?"

Kara cleared her throat, suddenly self-conscious. "I...you're short." Her mind was a blank.

Lena laughed. "Yeah, I guess you've never seen me without heels on." She bit her lip. "Huh. I'd put them on but they don't really go with yoga pants." She smiled and gestured for Kara to come inside.

Kara stepped haltingly over the welcome mat and into Lena's house. Looking around, it was exactly what she expected, although she hadn't really expected anything in particular. Everything was clean and organized and the house looked like no one had been there for weeks—Lena spent a lot of time at work, but Kara was struck by how empty her house was. Small art sculptures that probably cost more than her apartment lined white shelves along the side walls and there was a turn in the hallway at the end of the foyer. Adjusting her purse strap, Kara looked at Lena for guidance, unsure of where to go.

"Oh, sorry. Follow me." Lena took the lead. When she didn't hear Kara's footsteps behind her, she turned back, a confused smile on her face. "Are you sure there's nothing wrong?" Her perfect eyebrows twitched.

Kara smiled back, mentally kicking herself. _Did you really just let Lena's house startle you into a stupid-looking silence? It's just Lena, what is wrong with—_ "Um, should I take my shoes off?" she said tentatively, interrupting her internal monologue.

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous. You _should_ tell me what's bothering you, though," Lena said. She made sure Kara was following her and headed down the hall.

"Your house...just, I figured it would be—"

"I know, it's a mess, I'm so sorry I should've cleaned but I've been so busy at work lately—and then with mother escaping from prison..." Lena trailed off, desperate to make Kara feel at home. "I can clean a little if you don't like the mess." She felt suddenly self-conscious and looked around her house wondering if she should've just met Kara at L-Corp. But she had invited her friend there for a reason, she wanted Kara to see her house. Wanted her to know where she lived even though she never liked people knowing where she lived, because Kara was different. Kara was her best friend.

Kara snorted, forgetting her awkwardness at Lena's rambling. "Are you kidding me?"

Lena paused at the entrance to her family room. "No?"

Kara laughed. "Lena, your house isn't a mess. I couldn't find a speck of dust if I tried." She looked around for a minute. A flat screen TV was bolted into the wall across from a large blue couch. Ceiling-to-floor windows lent a beautiful view of National City harbor. Not a single thing looked out of place and Kara made an effort to stifle another laugh, but a chuckle escaped. "It looks like no one lives here," she said, the sadness in her tone coming out as judgemental.

"I've been busy!" Lena said indignantly, frowning at Kara. "I know it's not what you expected, but we can go somewhere else—"

"Lena. Relax." Kara had gotten over her feeling out of place. She headed to the couch and flopped onto it. "I bet you I'm the first person to sit on this couch," she joked.

Lena took a breath and Kara saw the tension go out of her shoulders. "You aren't. I sat there last Thursday," she fired back, joining Kara.

"Wow, last Thursday?" Kara widened her eyes sarcastically. "No one would believe you," she added. "It looks like they just made it."

Lena took on an expression of mock-distress. "I should really do something about that, huh? We could have a sleepover here." She lay down on the couch, looking up at Kara. Her shirt stretched and the collar was pulled down. Kara smiled back then pursed her lips and looked away quickly.

Noticing her returning discomfort, Lena jumped up. "I'm a horrible hostess, did you want something to drink? Or eat? I'm so sorry I didn't mention it before, I wasn't thinking."

"Oh. Um, some water, maybe?" Kara adjusted her glasses and looked back around, thankful that Lena had gotten up. She felt as though she shouldn't be staring at her while she was lying down but she couldn't help it, her eyes were drawn to the other woman. Whose figure was always betrayed by her clothes, no matter how baggy or casual.

"Oh, come on. I'll get you some wine. Are you sure you're not hungry?" Lena headed to her fridge which was in a completely different room.

"Well, I didn't eat yet..." Kara said, unwilling to impose on her friend. She usually nibbled on something when they went out to brunch but she hadn't eaten all day.

"Have dinner here," Lena called out loudly from the other room. _There's no need to yell,_ Kara thought to herself. But of course, Lena didn't know that she could have whispered and Kara would have heard her.

"As long as it's not too much trouble," Kara said, making her voice louder than usual. Normally she didn't have trouble with things like this, little human things like raised voices or less-than-perfect hearing. But with Lena she felt as though all her senses were on high alert. She chalked it up to the fact that Lena's life had been almost constantly in danger lately, and got up to join her friend in the kitchen. _Thank god for x-ray vision,_ she thought to herself, _this place is like a maze._ Zeroing in on her friend through the walls, she entered the kitchen. "Whatever you have in your fridge we can just munch...on..." she trailed off.

Lena turned at the sound of Kara's voice. "Yeah," she said sheepishly. "We should probably order something?" She was standing in front of her open fridge which was completely bare save for a bottle of water and a bag of apples that had clearly gone bad. The light from the fridge cast shadows on her face, making her appear ghoul-like, and for a moment Kara could see Lillian in Lena's expression. Then Lena shut the fridge and smiled and the vision dissipated.

Kara bit her lip. "Your fridge is empty."

"I know," Lena said, heading over to her wine cabinet. She poured two glasses of red wine and set them down, clinking them against her spotless marble countertop.

"Your fridge is _empty_ ," Kara repeated.

"I saw." Lena took a sip of wine, staring at Kara. She wasn't sure how to respond to the comment but was enjoying the expressions flitting across her friend's face. A mixture of hurt and disgust was warring, and hurt won out.

"Your _fridge_ is _empty,_ " Kara said for the third time, sounding offended. Lena rolled her eyes.

"I'll call the Chinese place if you can still stand to eat dinner with someone who has an empty fridge." She walked over to where the phone was and picked it up. "What's the number?"

"619-336-9989," Kara rattled off without taking her eyes off the fridge. "Who hurt you?" She watched Lena dial the number and put the phone to her ear. "Who hurt you so much that you leave your fridge empty?"

"My mother," Lena said in a biting tone. "Speaking of which, I need to tell you—yes, hi, can I get a delivery to the L-Corp building in downtown National City?" Kara knit her eyebrows when Lena gave them her work address but directed her attention to the wine glasses. She picked up the glass nearest to her and took a sip of wine, almost gagging at the taste. Scrunching up her face, she put the glass down with a clink and swallowed.

"...and two orders of potstickers," she heard Lena say. She grabbed the phone from her friend. "Hey, what're you doing?" Lena said, startled by the sudden movement of the phone from her hand.

"Make that eight orders of potstickers, and do you have those noodles that come in soup with those crunchy things on the side?" Kara spoke into the receiver, holding Lena off with one hand. "Great. We'll take that." She hung up the phone.

"What was that?" Lena exclaimed. "We don't need eight orders!"

Kara ignored her, already dialing the number to the pizza place. "Hi, I'd like to order a large cheese pizza to the L-Corp building...yes...fries on the side?" She directed this last part to Lena. Lena shook her head and made a face at Kara. "No to the fries. Yes, that's all. Thanks." She hung up the phone.

"Um, you just ordered enough food for a party of twelve. Something you want to tell me?" She crossed her arms.

"Oh, don't worry I can pay for it. I just eat a lot because, um...I—I exercise a lot. Gotta get that jogging in, you know," Kara said smiling nervously. Her stomach had taken over and she hadn't meant to order all of that food on Lena's credit card but she hadn't eaten since breakfast and had been too busy flying after a rogue Hellgramite who had decided to rampage the streets in search of chemicals. She had felt bad chasing him, realizing he was just starving to the point of insanity, so when they put him in containment at the DEO she made sure he got what he needed. That being said, now she was the one who hadn't eaten and was acting irrationally. Feeling as though she had overstepped, she stood away from the counter. "Sorry about that," she muttered, not looking Lena in the eyes. "I'll pay you back."

"I can pay for it, that's not the problem. The problem is that I'll have enough leftovers to feed myself for a week." Lena smiled, filing away the fact that Kara thought she could eat enough to sustain a small village to the back of her mind.

Kara looked up, grateful that Lena didn't press the issue. "You could always put the leftovers in your fridge. Your lonely, empty fridge," she emphasized.

Lena laughed. "I could."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about leftovers," Kara said with a smile. "What we should worry about is that the food is getting delivered to L-Corp and not to where we are."

"Oh, I always have things delivered to my office. I don't like people knowing where I live," Lena explained easily. "My assistant will bring it here once she gets it."

Kara groaned. "That just means longer until _I_ get the food, though." Her stomach grumbled and Lena pretended not to hear it.

"You could eat my rotten apples," Lena joked. "Don't worry, the food will be here soon," she said, afraid when Kara eyed her fridge seriously.

"What's this about your mother?" Kara turned the conversation back to the reason she was in Lena's house in the first place. "You said she visited you? Why? Did she say anything about where she was hiding? I thought she was in National City, but I didn't have any sort of confirmation and I didn't know where to look."

"Yes, she—you thought she was in National City? Why?" Lena shot a questioning glance over at Kara and picked up her glass of wine.

"I um, just...I had a hunch," Kara said, watching Lena sip her wine slowly. She picked up her glass and steeled herself to take another sip. There wasn't even a point, she couldn't get drunk, she just wanted to put something in her stomach before it made another noise.

Lena acted like she didn't hear Kara stammering but she wondered if the blonde had something else on her mind. "Alright. Well, she visited me today. Told me that I had let her down again by testifying against her and that now she had escaped people would realize that I didn't have any power over her."

"Um, your mother is aware that you are one of the richest people, like, anywhere right?" Kara said dubiously, putting down her glass of wine.

Lena sighed. "That may be true, but if my testimony isn't enough to keep her in jail then what's the point of me saying those things? Taking a public stance against her, my family, the Luthor name?"

"Your testifying has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she had help breaking out of jail," Kara defended her friend without hesitating. She couldn't bear the thought of Lena turning against herself because of her name, couldn't bear the thought of one more person accusing her of something she didn't do.

Lena smiled gratefully. "I know, but the public won't believe that. All they see is a Luthor who testified against her own family, and an escaped convict. Is it that wildly improbable that the two are related? I could've been overcome with remorse and freed her."

"We both know you wouldn't do that," Kara said, personally offended that people would see Lena in that light.

Lena paused, her heart warming a little. "I really don't deserve a friend like you, you know that?" She nodded to Kara's almost full glass. "Do you want something else to drink?"

Kara waved away her concern. "Wait, so is she still in National City? Or did she just drop by to tell you that you were a disappointment?"

"While my mother would absolutely just drop by to tell me I'm a disappointment, there was more to her visit. She told me that they still have a few atoms of the Medusa virus left." Lena looked at Kara over the rim of her glass, judging her reaction.

For a moment Kara was stunned. The hurt feelings she had thought she'd gotten over threatened to bubble to the surface, the disappointment at her father and the betrayal she had felt when she found out his job wasn't just 'helping people'. "You mean it's still—it could still work?" She asked, shocked.

Lena put her glass down and grimaced. "I should've seen this coming. I thought I was smart to chemically manipulate the virus into being inert, but my mother proved she's still smarter. She somehow saved a test tube filled with the virus, and showed it to me when she visited. She could be bluffing, but I didn't want to take that risk."

"Your mother is _not_ smarter than you are, Lena. She is more manipulative, more evil. Only an evil person would think to save part of a dangerous virus that could wipe out every alien in Nation City in case her _first_ plan to wipe them all out went awry." Kara adjusted her glasses. "I think it's better to be safe than sorry. We should look into it, investigate. I have a friend on the police force, Maggie Sawyer? I can ask her to crack down on the search for your mother."

"I mean it's not like they're already spending valuable time and money in hunting her down, but thanks." Lena refilled her wine glass as her phone rang. "Jess?" she answered. Kara's head perked up when she heard the name, hoping that it meant that the food had arrived at L-Corp. "Yes. Could you just bring it over? Sure. See you in a few, thanks." Lena hung up the phone and laughed at Kara's undeniably eager expression. "Yes, the food got there and yes, it's on its way here right now. Settle down, you look like a starving puppy begging at the dinner table."

Kara pouted. "At least I'm not a puppy begging at _your_ table, all you'd have to offer me is water and gross two-month old apples."

"They are not two months old!" Lena pursed her lips. "Maybe one month." She shrugged and sipped more of her wine. "Are you going to drink that?" She looked at Kara's glass.

Kara picked it up with an apprehensive look on her face. "Sure," she said, more to convince herself than Lena. She took a sip and her face puckered as the taste flooded her mouth, forcefully swallowing it down.

"Not a big wine drinker?" Lena laughed at her.

"It just...tastes so bad," Kara smiled ruefully. "I don't mean to crush your dreams of being a good hostess."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Is my two hundred dollar bottle of wine not good enough for Kara Danvers, investigative reporter?"

Kara sputtered and hastily put the glass back on the counter. "Two hundred dollars? Don't waste this on me!"

Smiling, Lena slid the glass over to her side of the counter. "It's not a waste if it's for you."

Kara looked up at her words, unsure of how to respond.

"I mean, come on you're my only friend in all of National City, excuse me for wanting to splurge on you," Lena continued. Kara looked away feeling strangely disappointed at Lena's casual use of the word 'friend'. A thought crossed her mind and she raised her head to voice her concerns.

"If your mother still has part of the virus, is she staying in National City so she can target the aliens living here?"

"I don't know. I suppose she must be, since she's desperate to get rid of Supergirl, but she didn't say. She left after showing me the vial."

"Well in that case, we should be careful. You, you should be careful." Kara pointed a finger at Lena. "I don't care how you feel about it," she said, cutting off Lena's unspoken protest. "You are getting around the clock surveillance." _For when I'm too busy saving other people to watch you,_ she added to herself mentally.

Lena huffed out a breath. "If you sic your big sister on me again I won't talk to you for a week. She already doesn't like me."

Kara was already shaking her head. "Alex is the best agent there is. You couldn't be safer than if you were with Supergirl and I, for one, trust her with my life. Besides, if you ignored me for a week who would you talk to? You don't have any other friends," she smirked.

Lena opened her mouth to argue but just then her doorbell rang. She narrowed her eyes at Kara as she went to open the door. "We are talking about this later," she muttered, turning down her maze of halls.

Kara followed her eagerly. "We should talk about how I didn't even see a doorbell when I got here," she said trying to remember where it could have been. She had been too busy fixing her appearance to look for one, and Lena had opened the door before she had gotten the chance to knock. "Hey, how did you know I was at your door?" She asked as they walked through the foyer.

Lena smiled and hit a button on her phone. A small screen slid out from the wall down the hall from the door and a camera feed of outside her front door flickered to life. Jess was standing there, burdened down by the weight of various take out bags, precariously balancing their pizza on her left arm. "I could see you."

"Oh." Kara tried to remember if she had landed within the camera's sight. "So you saw...that…"

"I saw you fixing your hair, if that's what you're trying to hide." Lena opened the door. "Don't worry, it'll stay between us." She winked and reached out to take the bags from Jess but Kara was already grabbing the pizza. "Whoa there, slow down," Lena laughed. When she had taken all the food from Jess and told her to go home, she turned to see Kara heading back to the kitchen, already eating a slice of pizza. She smiled to herself and watched her walk away before remembering where she was and rushing after her, hoping Kara wouldn't get lost in her house. Come to think of it, she wasn't sure how Kara had found her way to the kitchen the first time because even Lena got lost in her own house sometimes. "Hey, are you sure you know the way to the kitchen—" she stopped abruptly, greeted by the sight of Kara sitting at the countertop in her kitchen, starting her second slice of pizza. "How did you do that?"

"Do what? Eat this fast? It's a special skill," Kara mumbled through a mouth full of food. "I've considered putting it on my resumé but Alex always shoots down the idea."

"Rightfully so, but how did you get back to the kitchen so quickly? The few people that have visited here can never find their way around."

Kara's hand stopped on its way to grabbing a third slice of pizza. "Uh...a good memory and some lucky guesses?" She smiled at Lena, praying she wouldn't push the issue.

"Well you're luckier than I am, that's for sure." Lena reached for a slice of pizza. "Let me have some before you eat it all."

Kara pushed the box over and happily started on her third slice. "See, this is what friends are for."

Lena chuckled. "What, eating you out of house and home?"

"No, friends are there to witness your amazing eating skills. Watch and learn from the master," Kara explained. She proceeded to finish her third slice and start on the potstickers. Lena slowly ate her pizza and watched, fascinated, as Kara ate seven of the eight orders on her own. When she held out the last one to Lena, she had a guilty smile on her face. "Want some?" she said, swallowing a mouthful of dumplings.

Still on her second slice, Lena looked a bit stunned. "I guess you were right," she said looking unbelievingly at the pile of empty containers on her counter.

"About what?" Kara asked, tilting her head to the side.

"I don't have to worry about leftovers."

* * *

ever think about how much sexual tension is in supercorp scenes cause oh boy


	3. 3) Medusa

Sunlight streamed in through open window curtains, hitting Alex in the face. She groaned and sat up, realizing she was on the couch and rubbing her forehead before bracing herself to living through hours of a hangover. Throwing the blanket off her body and onto the ground, she looked around for Maggie and saw her just as the smell of coffee reached her. Smiling to her girlfriend she stood up and stretched.

"Morning," she yawned, running her hands through her hair and shutting her eyes against the rising sun.

Maggie looked at Alex's face scrunched up in a yawn and chuckled. _My girlfriend is so cute in the morning_ , she thought to herself. "Morning, babe." She poured Alex a cup of coffee and held it out to her, taking a bite of her sesame seed bagel.

Alex eyed the bagel as she wrapped her hands around the mug. "I think it's gross how you double toast your bagels but put nothing on them. It's got to taste like burned cardboard at that point, and how can you even chew it when everything is so dry?"

Maggie swallowed and made a face at Alex before leaning in to kiss her. "I think it's gross that you didn't even have the decency to take a sip of coffee before kissing me with that morning breath," she said pulling back. "Especially with what you had to drink. How's that hangover by the way?"

Alex stared at Maggie guiltily for a moment before remembering that her girlfriend knew nothing about her past as a hard partier. "I'll live. And what did you say about my morning breath?" she asked, going for an offended tone but smiling as she took a sip of the hot liquid.

Maggie tilted her head. "Everyone knows morning-after scotch breath is the worst." She smiled and pointed to the hallway leading to the bathroom. "Teeth. Clean. Now."

Alex took another sip of her coffee before slowly setting it down in between Maggie's arms. "Oh, okay," she said in a low voice, sliding closer to Maggie who had gone very still and was biting her lip to keep herself in check. "If you insist," she said in the same low voice.

"I do...insist," Maggie held her head up, but the force behind her words was ruined by the fact that she was out of breath. Alex took the chance to slide between Maggie and the breakfast counter and put her arms around her waist. She congratulated herself when she heard Maggie's breath hitch and stood there for a moment listening to her ragged breathing and watching her pulse beat in her neck. Suddenly she leaned in, kissed her on the lips and slipped out of her arms, heading to the bathroom. Swaying from the quick absence of Alex's body pressed against hers, she drew in a deep breath and steadied herself on the counter.

"That's playing dirty!" Maggie called out after Alex's retreating form and turned back to her bagel. "And there is nothing wrong with a dry bagel," she muttered, taking another bite. As she chewed she glanced at the clock. "Crap. Alex! We're gonna be late for work!"

Alex walked out of the bathroom, toothbrush in her mouth. "It's fine," she spoke around the toothbrush. "It's Tuesday. Nobody commits crimes on Tuesday, it's too early in the week." As she spoke Maggie's police radio chattered to life and a voice interrupted their tranquil morning banter.

"Bombing in downtown National City, all available units and bomb squad report to West Cordova Street ASAP. Please advise, civilians are still trapped at the scene."

Alex's eyes widened. "Crap." She ran back to the bathroom and spit out the toothpaste, pulling on pants and socks as Maggie got her gear together. Alex ran between the bathroom and the bedroom, searching for her phone and her keys. "Hey, West Cordova, isn't that where L-Corp is?" Alex called to her girlfriend who was running to the door. Mentally cursing herself for drinking so much the night before, she tried to ignore the throbbing in her head. As Maggie yanked the door open they both paused for a moment, Maggie glaring at Alex.

"It's Tuesday, _nobody_ commits crimes on _Tuesday_ ," she mocked as they filed out the door, slamming it behind her as Alex let out an exasperated sigh.

* * *

Lena woke up to her phone ringing angrily by her ear. Fumbling around for it she blinked sleep out of her eyes and read the caller ID.

"Jess? Why are you calling so early in the morning?" her voice was hoarse with sleep.

"Early? It's almost ten—it doesn't matter. Lena, a bomb went off at your building." Jess's frantic voice jolted Lena out of her sleepy stupor.

"Oh my god. Is everyone alright?" Lena's blood ran cold and she stood up, Jess's voice in her ear fading away to nothing as the gears in her brain started turning. A movement a few feet away caught her attention and she realized it was from Kara shifting in her sleep. For a moment, the catastrophe at her workplace was shadowed by the fact that not ten feet away from her was Kara Danvers, sleeping on her couch. She thought back in her mind to the previous night and remembered drinking several more glasses of wine before starting to watch some old movies with Kara and grabbing a blanket from the linen closet to drape over the two of them. They must have fallen asleep on opposite ends of the couch, because the couch showed signs of a body pressing into them for hours. Her gaze fell on Kara's face and the corner of her mouth turned up in a small smile. Kara looked young and naïve a lot of the time but she looked especially vulnerable sleeping on Lena's couch. She leaned over and started to pull the blanket up to cover Kara's exposed shoulders but at that moment Jess yelled over the phone and she jerked back, pulling the blanket with her. Kara opened her eyes at the feeling of the blanket disappearing and squinted at Lena.

"I'll be there as soon as possible. Manage the press," Lena cut Jess off in the middle of her sentence and hung up quickly. She looked back down to where Kara was lying, then started to type an email of instructions to her employees and a statement to send shareholders.

"Press?" Kara sat up and looked at her surroundings. "Hey, look at that! Finally someone used your couch." When there was no response from Lena at what she thought was a mildly funny comment, she looked up, her characteristic crinkle forming between her eyebrows. "What's going on? What did you need the press for?"

Lena looked up from her phone and blinked a few times. "Um, there was a, uh, a bombing at my building. I have to—I have to go. There's an extra toothbrush somewhere, sorry for the rush." She looked back down at the screen in her hands and continued typing, heading toward her bedroom to change into less rumpled clothes. Her mind was moving a million miles an hour, and she was trying to calculate the possibility of her mother being involved in the bombing.

Kara sat bolt upright, smashing down her feelings about waking up on Lena's couch. "Hang on. A bombing? Is anyone hurt? Do the police know?" She followed Lena down the hall while checking her own phone. Seeing twelve missed called from Alex she sucked in a breath. "I have to go," she said before Lena could answer any of her questions. She cursed herself for relaxing too much in Lena's company and forgetting to set an alarm on her phone.

"Did you drive here? We can go together I'll just be a minute," Lena said quickly, glancing up at her friend's concerned face.

"No, no, I took a...bus." Kara grimaced at her own words, hoping Lena wouldn't pick up on the old, repeated excuse.

"Well then I'll have to drive you, just hang on." Lena entered her bedroom and began to clean herself up, stress and worry making her move faster than usual.

"Um, my sister is waiting outside I—I have to go," Kara turned away from Lena.

Lena looked up from her closet. "You told your sister where I live? Kara, you'll never find your way to the door—Wait!" she yelled after her friend but Kara had already disappeared. Muttering to herself about reporters needing to get to the scene of a crime, she stripped off her yoga pants and sweatshirt and threw on a pantsuit. Nothing said "I'm in control of this disaster" more than a pantsuit, and Lena was going to need all the help she could get.

* * *

Supergirl had already arrived at L-Corp by the time Lena pulled into a space on a street down the block from her building. The cops had roped off the entire road in front of L-Corp, and Lena craned her neck to see the damage as she approached the scene, noticing Supergirl talking to Alex Danvers, Kara's older sister. Not looking where she was going, she bumped into a cop.

"Ma'am, we're going to need you to stay away from this area—oh, Ms. Luthor," the cop corrected herself as she recognized Lena. "Sorry, I didn't realize it was you." Despite her noticing that it was Lena she was talking to, Maggie still moved to stop her from walking any further down the street.

"Never mind that, what's happened? What did the bomb damage, is anyone hurt?" Lena fired her questions at the officer a little harshly, recognizing her as the cop who had arrested her in front of Kara the last time her mother had ruined her life.

"Calm down, Ms. Luthor." Maggie put her hand on Lena's arm in an attempt to steady her, and when she spoke she used the voice she reserved for serious business. "The damage to your building is pretty minimal, it looks like whoever planted it did a real rush job and the bomb didn't hit anything vital architecturally. Supergirl rescued the people from the floor where the bomb went off, and cleaned up most of the debris. Five people were sent to the hospital, all of them your employees, but only one of them is in critical condition—looked like head trauma. There's no sign of who did this yet, but we've roped off the area to keep people away." Maggie tried to give Lena all the details while gauging the CEO's reaction.

Lena clenched her jaw. "Detective...Sawyer, is it?" she said, reading the name on Maggie's badge. When Maggie nodded she continued. "Have the hospital bill me for my employees' medical expenses and let me through." She stepped back but straightened her jacket and adopted a powerful stance, showing that she wasn't to be argued with. "Aren't you the cop Kara Danvers mentioned would be looking for my mother?"

"Ah. Yes. Actually, I have some questions for you but maybe now isn't the best time for them." Maggie turned to look behind her at the office building. "And you might want to call an architect or something."

"And _you_ might want to let me pass," Lena raised an eyebrow angrily. "It's the least you could do after wrongfully arresting me in my own building."

Maggie smiled sheepishly. "Right. Look, that was just work stuff. No hard feelings? And I can't technically let you pass, since you're a civilian." As she spoke, Supergirl walked up behind them.

"Everything is under control, Ms. Luthor," she said to the quickly angering CEO. "There's no one else inside and the damage is minimal."

"Yes, I just heard from Detective Sawyer here. However, I need to get to my office and see if anything there was harmed."

"No can do, Ms. Luthor. It's not quite safe, the bomb went off only two floors below your office. I'd suggest going back home for the day until we're done here." Kara noted Lena's expression, it was the expression she wore when her brain was miles ahead of everyone around her and usually only appeared when she was nerding out over quantum mechanics and polyatomic ions.

"You don't understand, I need to check my office." Letting out a frustrated sigh Lena explained herself. "I'm convinced my mother is the one who planted the bomb."

"Your mother? But why would she be in National City?" Maggie spoke up.

"Look, all you need to know is that I think she left something for me in my office. She's smarter than this. No bombing planned by her would only damage a small part of my building when she could bring down the whole structure, which means it was just a distraction. Now let me through!" Lena angrily directed this last part at Maggie who raised her eyebrows in annoyance.

"If you know so much about her plans, Ms. Luthor, then maybe now is a good time for me to ask you those questions I mentioned earlier."

Lena took a breath and was about to start arguing with the officer but Supergirl stepped in. "Maybe I should fly up there to check on your office. I'll let you know if I find anything?" She turned and prepared to launch herself skyward but Lena stopped her.

"Wait. It's nothing against you, but if my mother left me something she wouldn't have made it obvious. It's something the police wouldn't be able to notice," she explained.

"Well no cops have examined your building because a bomb just went off in it and it might not be structurally sound!" Maggie was getting impatient and she looked around for Alex. Spotting her, she rubbed her eyes and turned back to Lena. "Look, I say let Supergirl look through your office and tell you what she finds. Clearly arguing with you isn't the best use of my time, though, so I'm going to go try to figure out who did it. Unless you have undeniable proof it was your mother?" At Lena's silence Maggie rolled her eyes. "That's what I thought. Have a good day, Ms. Luthor. I'll be seeing you soon." With a last apprehensive glance at Kara, she walked over to where Alex was talking to a member of the bomb squad.

Lena looked at Supergirl. She seemed calm compared to Maggie, but she had a faraway look in her eyes. "So? Will you take me, or do I have to muscle my way past all these fine men and women in blue?" Lena looked at her expectantly, fully prepared to argue with a dozen cops to get her way.

Supergirl narrowed her eyes, looking intensely at the L-Corp building. "I think you're right about your mother. I can't see anything that looks out of place with my x-ray vision, but I believe you when you say she left you a message."

"Thank you," Lena said, relieved. "But you still don't think I should try to get up there?" she said exasperated, seeing the disapproving look in Supergirl's face.

"Oh, no I think you should go. I'm just thinking of the trouble I'll be in with Detective Sawyer when she sees us going up there." Supergirl smiled at Lena, who returned the smile gratefully.

"Why would a superhero be afraid of getting in trouble with a local cop?" Lena asked, only half-serious.

"No reason." Kara stepped towards Lena and held her arms out nervously. "So, how do you want to do this?"

"You are _not_ carrying me bridal style. That is reserved only for when I'm pushed off fifty-story balconies." Lena looked at Supergirl's outstretched arms in mock annoyance.

"Alright," Kara said, trying to get in the mindset of Supergirl. The idea of Lena being within inches of her while she flew them up the building was distracting her but before her imagination could run too wild, she put her arm around Lena's waist and they were in the air. As they landed on Lena's office balcony, she let out a laugh.

"What is it?" Lena looked over at her.

"I just heard Detective Sawyer cursing us out with some pretty colorful language," Supergirl explained. "But let's find what you need and get out of here. A bomb did just go off a few floors away." She opened Lena's office door and walked in.

Lena entered her office and looked around, trying to see if anything was out of place. It was hard to tell, because the bomb had rocked the building enough that most of her belongings had fallen to the floor, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

"Do you know what you're looking for?" Supergirl asked, taking a look around herself.

"Not yet, but I'll know when I find it." Lena narrowed her eyes and headed to her desk, rifling through the papers that had somehow remained on its surface. Behind her she heard Supergirl cough. "Is everything alright?" she asked, turning.

"Yes, just some smoke I think." Kara cleared her throat and swallowed, feeling her throat constricting.

"I don't see any smoke," Lena remarked, stepping towards Supergirl. Suspicion was beginning to form in her mind and she was hesitant to immediately dispel it.

Supergirl waved away her concern. "Well, your office may be a mess, but at least it'll smell like cinnamon," she pointed out, nodding to an air freshener plugged into an outlet by the desk.

Lena's eyes shot to where Supergirl was gesturing. She paled. "I don't have an air freshener. I can never concentrate while I'm thinking about them spewing out their chemicals…" she trailed off in horror as Supergirl put a hand to her chest. "Supergirl? Are you alright?!"

Kara was having trouble breathing and she stumbled back a step. She heard Lena ask her if she was okay but it sounded as though she was speaking underwater. Gasping in a breath she fell to her knees and clutched her chest, blinking stars out of her eyes.

"Supergirl!" Lena ran to kneel by the fallen hero. Shooting a glance at the air freshener, she realized what was happening. She ran over and unplugged it before locking it in her safe, then returned to Supergirl's side. "Supergirl, take a breath," she said desperately as Supergirl slumped down further. She watched, frozen in fear, as Supergirl landed on her side, her eyes closed. Standing up she ran to the window and screamed for help, watching the people hundreds of feet below her turn to look up at the noise and praying that someone would make it in time.


	4. 4) Questioning Lena

"She's going to be fine," Winn said for the tenth time, watching as Alex nervously checked the monitor by Kara's bedside. Her vitals were evening out after an hour of a dangerously low blood pressure and heartbeat.

"Did you identify what caused this?" Alex asked in a grim tone without looking up from the monitor.

"Uh, yeah. It was a strain of the Medusa virus that her father developed, except somehow it still affected her." Winn held up his hands as Alex turned on him, a dark look on her face. "Thankfully, it's not nearly potent enough to kill her, it just gave her the symptoms of a severe allergic reaction." He looked back at the tablet in his hands and double checked his information. "I'm still not sure why it affected her at all, since her father made it in order to kill only foreigners on Krypton, but J'onn is already getting Eliza. We're hoping she can reverse engineer a cure like she did last time."

Alex turned away from Winn. "Damn it, Kara. Why didn't you just stay on the ground?" She brushed the hair out of Kara's face and sat in silence for a moment before a buzzing interrupted her thoughts.

"It's Lena Luthor, again." Winn held up Kara's phone showing Alex the caller ID. "What do I do?"

"Don't answer it." Alex closed her eyes, trying to think through her pounding headache. She made a mental note to get some aspirin when she had a free moment, but didn't move from her spot at Kara's side.

"But she's called twenty times." Winn looked at the phone like it was a venomous snake that had decided he was its next meal.

Alex let out a tired sigh and opened her eyes. "I know. She was there when we went in to get Supergirl and as we were leaving she asked what she could do to help. I told her to go find Kara. What was I supposed to do?"

"Great. So you told Lena to look for someone that you were leaving with. That's just—that's fantastic. That won't make her suspicious at all. What were you thinking?" Winn set the phone down as the buzzing stopped, putting it on silent as he did so.

"Look, I don't know what to tell you. There's no way we can tell Lena Luthor anything without revealing the DEO's existence and who knows what she would do with that information? She's a Luthor." Alex reached up to rub her temples and ground her teeth. "Why did I let this happen?" she grumbled to herself.

"You didn't do anything wrong, Alex. This is in no way your fault."

Alex looked up at her mother's voice. "Mom," she said in relief. "Can you help her?"

Eliza approached Kara's bed. "I'll do my best. I'm sure she's going to be fine, sweetie. You've done a great job looking after her but I'm going to run some tests and you should take a break. Go outside, get some fresh air." Putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder Eliza gently guided her away from Kara and to the door.

"No, I want to stay," Alex insisted while still letting herself be moved away.

"Actually Alex, I need to talk to you," J'onn spoke up from the doorway. Alex looked at him for a moment before following him out into the hallway, the sounds of Winn greeting her mother fading behind her.

"What is it?" she asked him as he paused in the middle of the hallway and looked her in the eyes.

"How are you feeling, Agent Danvers?" J'onn's face was unreadable.

"I'm fine." Alex waited for him to say something else but he just stood there staring at her. Well used to J'onn's silent treatment she refused to back down, staring him in the eyes as she straightened her shoulders. "Anything else?"

J'onn wordlessly held his hand out. In his palm were two aspirin and as Alex blew a breath out of her mouth and turned to walk away he put his free hand on her shoulder. She shook it off but stayed where she was. "You forget I'm psychic, Alex. I know what's going on, and I know that you forget about taking care of yourself when there are other people suffering."

Alex took the offered pills and swallowed them dry. "Is it that obvious?"

"Your hangover? No, but I happen to be the one who paid off your bar tab last night when you and your girlfriend skipped out without paying."

Alex mentally kicked herself again for letting herself drink that much. Of course the one night that she and Maggie somehow both forgot to pay would be the night she decided to drown her feelings in the bottom of a bottle. "Yeah, sorry about that. I can pay you back." She looked down, unable to meet his eyes any longer.

"That's not why I'm bringing it up. I'm just concerned with how much I had to pay. You drank quite a lot, Alex." J'onn raised a disapproving eyebrow. "I would hate to think that my best agent was leaning back on old habits, destructive habits, without my doing anything to stop it."

There was a pause before Alex gave him a small smile. "Thanks, J'onn, but everything is okay. I went home with Maggie and we talked about it," she lied, knowing that J'onn was too honor-bound to read her mind while they were speaking face to face.

"Alright. But I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know we haven't found your father yet, but—"

"I think I'll go get some air, now, if you don't mind," Alex cut him off. The thought of her father made a hot rage start in her gut and she felt like at any moment she might cry in frustration. Turning on her heel she walked away from J'onn and headed for the exit. J'onn watched her go before heading back into the room where Eliza was finished with testing Kara's blood. She was just locking up the kryptonite-infused medical instruments in their lead box when J'onn entered.

"So, what is it?" J'onn took a seat next to Winn and watched as Eliza stripped off her rubber gloves and threw them in the trash.

Eliza shook her head. "There doesn't seem to be anything wrong. I mean, clearly she's been knocked unconscious but there isn't anything in her that would need any cure I could create. It's like it knocked her out and just disappeared."

"Or maybe it wasn't strong enough to finish the job?" Winn spoke up. When J'onn and Eliza bent horrified gazes at him he twitched nervously and stuttered. "I—I didn't mean it like that I'm just saying. I want Kara to be okay as much as you do."

"I understand." Eliza looked at her adopted daughter. "I just don't know why this happened. And I hate not knowing."

J'onn stood up and reached a hand out to Eliza. "Well, I'm sure you have work to get back to but you're welcome to stay."

"I'll stay until she wakes up, if that's alright," Eliza answered, taking Alex's spot at Kara's side. "Did Alex go like I told her to?"

"Yes, unfortunately I think I may have upset her." J'onn looked over at Winn.

"I'll—I'll stay too, if that's okay. And you know Alex, she's just going to go down to the training room and beat the crap out of whatever or whoever's down there," Winn said to reassure him.

"I know. But work on figuring out more about where that virus came from and why it seems to only partially work." J'onn nodded at him walked out. Winn took a seat at the table and started to type on his tablet.

* * *

Lena had just put her phone down after listening to Kara's voicemail for the twenty-second time when a knock at her door made her look up. "Who is it?" she called out, wondering where Jess had gone that she didn't tell her she had an appointment.

"Detective Maggie Sawyer, NCPD," the now-familiar voice came from behind the closed door.

"Come in," Lena said, walking around her desk to take a seat behind it. Maggie entered with another officer, both wearing their NCPD jackets.

"They told me you came back up here. I still think it's a bad idea to sit in your office two floors above where a bomb just went off." Maggie's tone was judgmental, but her face was closed off.

Lena noted the guarded expression on both of their faces before greeting her. "Agent Sawyer. Despite what you think, I can't afford to put off my work because of a little rubble. The only real threat seems to have been left for Supergirl but it's been contained, and the building has been declared structurally sound. Now what can I do for you?"

"Those questions I mentioned earlier? Now's the time to give me some answers." Maggie walked up to Lena's desk and crossed her arms. When Lena nodded at her to continue, she took a breath before starting.

"Did you know your mother was in National City before the bombing this morning?"

Lena bit her lip. "Not really."

"Not really, yes? Or not really, no? It's one or the other." Maggie's tone hardened.

"No," Lena said with finality. "I didn't know that she was still in National City..." she looked out her window as she trailed off.

"But?" Maggie said, sensing there was something unsaid.

"But, she did visit me yesterday." At Maggie's sharp intake of breath she pressed on before the officer could cut her off. "She told me that she still had a strain of the Medusa virus among other things before leaving me to wonder what she would do with it."

"The Medusa virus. That's the thing that cyborg shot me for? Whatever just poisoned Supergirl?" Maggie clarified.

"Yes." Looking at the other officer for a moment, Lena tried to focus on the conversation but she was worried about Supergirl and worried about Kara. After Alex had told her to go find Kara, Lena had gone down and searched for the younger Danvers sister. Unable to find her, she had called and texted her a dozen times before returning to her office, having to talk her way past several officers and reporters. She had tried to tell herself that Kara was fine and that her phone was probably dead, but with the events of the last few weeks she didn't want to leave anything to chance.

"Do you have any idea where she might be now?" Maggie pressed, breaking Lena's concentration.

"Look, my mother and I don't have a loving, open-communication relationship. I had no idea she was in National City until she visited me and I have no idea where she might have gone." Lena wished they would leave her alone so she could find out what happened to Kara. Maybe she could give Alex a call, if anyone knew where Kara was it would be her sister.

"You're her daughter. The closest family she has in this immediate area. How do we know you aren't helping her?" the other officer spoke up.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Lena turned to him. "My testimony helped put her behind bars, do you really think I'd help her escape and kill everyone?"

"Not everyone. Just the aliens, and your family is famous for hating aliens. And your testimony didn't exactly change anything, she's still out there and according to you she's still trying to kill everyone," the officer fired back, taking a step towards Lena's desk.

"I never said she was doing that, only that I wouldn't help her. And before you accuse me of being loyal to the Luthor family name, let me assure you, if I could get rid of her permanently, with no repercussions, I would do it in a heartbeat," she practically growled the last part, her feelings flaring up as the officer voiced the exact thing she was afraid of.

Before he could respond, Maggie stepped between them. She eyed Lena for a long moment before seeming to decide something and turning to her partner. "She's telling the truth."

He snorted. "Not a very useful truth, is it." He turned and walked out, leaving the door open.

Maggie looked at Lena apologetically. "Sorry about him. He's just grumpy because he's the one who arrested your mother, and now..."

"And now he looks like the fool who let her escape. Well, I can relate to that." Lena shook her head. "Why do people always hate in others what they see in themselves?"

"Who knows," Maggie sighed. "Well, if you think of anything or need anything, just give me a call." She handed Lena her personal business card before turning to go. "Calling the station won't always guarantee you'll get someone who will listen to you."

Lena stood and took the card from Maggie. "One more thing," she called as Maggie headed to the door. "Have you heard from Kara? Alex told me to find her, but I didn't see her anywhere and she hasn't been answering her phone."

Maggie stopped in her tracks. "Oh. Um, yeah I think she headed over to Cat Co. and she must've forgotten to charge her phone."

A thought struck Lena. "I suppose it must have because she didn't get the chance to charge it last night," she muttered to herself, smiling.

"Last night?" Maggie asked, catching the end of Lena's muttering.

Lena looked up startled, as though she had forgotten she wasn't alone. "Oh. She had dinner with me, and stayed the night on my couch."

Maggie smirked. "I guess both the Danvers girls spent the night on couches. Well, I'll let you know if I hear anything but I'm sure she's fine."

Lena opened her mouth to agree at the same time that her phone buzzed. She grabbed for it eagerly. There was one text from Kara.

 _Hey, so sorry I missed your calls! My phone died. Guess I should've charged it before falling asleep on your couch (: I'll make it up to you._

Feeling a grin start to spread on her face, Lena looked at Maggie, who was standing between the door and her desk, unsure of whether she could leave. "Well I guess that solves that mystery. She says her phone died," Lena explained. "I'll call if I need anything."

"Well, there you go. See you around, Ms. Luthor." Maggie nodded to Lena and left her office.

Lena sat down and typed out a response.

 _No problem, I forgot to give you a charger last night. I won't make the same mistake next time (:_

Staring at her screen, she deliberated for a minute before deleting the words. Instead, she typed a shorter answer, trying to stem the flow of her emotions.

 _It's fine, I was just worried about you. Brunch on Saturday?_

Hitting send, she leaned back in her chair and sighed. She never knew what to say to Kara, with her strange disappearances and radio silences that didn't correlate with her cheerful outgoing personality. She stared at her phone for several minutes waiting for a response, and when one didn't come she turned her phone over and went back to work, trying to put the reporter out of her mind.

* * *

Once she got outside, Maggie ran past the press that were still covering the bombing and caught up with her partner. "Hey, what was that?" she grabbed his arm and he turned to face her.

"She knew her mother was in the city, and she didn't tell anyone?" the officer looked at her knowingly. "Seems suspicious."

"Look, even if it was suspicious, you can't treat her like a hostile suspect. There's nothing to charge her on, and I believe her when she says she didn't know her mother was staying." Maggie glared at him.

"I know I overstepped, it's just...Lillian escaping has really gotten me in trouble with the chief," he said, fidgeting with his hands.

Maggie softened, seeing how upset he was. "I understand. And you know as well as I do that he shouldn't blame you for it—you weren't the one guarding that jail cell. Just...try to reign it in next time." She paused for a moment, realizing that Kara must be awake if she had texted Lena. Turning to her partner she tossed him the keys to the car the came in. "You take the cruiser back. I'm going for a walk," she said, seeing that she was only a few blocks from the DEO. With a nod to her partner, she set off thinking about what Lena had said about the Medusa virus. The possibility that Lillian Luthor was back in National City and preparing to wipe out the alien population wasn't a welcome thought, but it was a realistic one. As she walked down the street, a coffee cart caught her eye and she picked up a latte for Alex, remembering that she was working with a hangover, and a black coffee for herself. Sipping the steaming drink she hummed in contentment as the caffeine flooded her body; she felt like she had been up for hours but a glance at her watch told her it was only ten-thirty in the morning. Grumbling to herself about people who set off bombs before noon, she reached the entrance of the DEO just as her phone went off. Shifting Alex's latte to the crook of her elbow, she pulled out her phone to see that she had gotten a text from Alex:

 _Hey wanna finish where we left off last night?_

Confused, she answered her girlfriend:

 _What do you mean? We didn't do anything last night._

The response was immediate:

 _In my dreams we did. ;)_

Maggie chuckled to herself before responding.

 _Are you trying to flirt, Danvers? We both know you don't have it in you._

 _No, but I had you in me..._

Maggie looked dubiously at the message she had just received. Alex never flirted with her like this, whether in person or over text. She was helpless in the charms department, and to Maggie it was adorable how she stammered her way through sexy bedroom talk.

 _You're coming on a little strong there, Danvers. I'm about to go into the DEO, I brought you coffee. I heard Kara's awake?_

Maggie wasn't sure what else to say without furthering her need to take Alex home in the middle of the day for some "personal time", so she changed the conversation.

 _I don't know. Maybe._

Knitting her eyebrows at Alex's cryptically short response, Maggie put her phone back in her pocket and entered the DEO. The first person she saw that she recognized was Agent Vasquez, and she headed in her direction.

"Hey, Vasquez. Where'd they put the Girl of Steel?" Maggie asked.

"I think they're down the hall, still in the labs," Vasquez pointed to the right. "Nice to see you Detective Sawyer."

"For the last time, call me Maggie," Maggie yelled behind her, already halfway down the hall. She reached the door to the lab and was greeted by the sight of Winn talking to Eliza and an empty bed.

"Hey, where's Kara and Alex?" she asked the two. Her question went unanswered as Winn and Eliza continued to discuss every possible problem the return of the Medusa virus could cause. "Hey!" Maggie said a little more loudly and this time the two looked up. "Where's Danvers and Danvers?"

"Probably the training room. Kara wanted to practice and Alex talked to J'onn then left in a huff, and you know how she likes to hit things when she's mad." Winn came over to give Maggie an awkward hug, careful not to spill her coffees.

"Yeah I do, and I think it's adorable. Hi, Eliza," Maggie smiled at Alex's mother.

"Hi sweetie. I hope that's for Alex, she was looking a little tired this morning," Eliza motioned to the second coffee in Maggie's hand.

"Of course. Nice to see you again." Maggie headed downstairs to the training rooms. When she got there, J'onn and Kara were several feet above the ground engaged in hand-to-hand combat. As she watched, J'onn got the best of Kara and used her momentum against her, sending her flailing against the concrete wall. As she crashed into it, bits of concrete crumbled off and Maggie flinched, despite knowing that it hurt the wall more than it hurt Kara. Looking around for her girlfriend she realized that there was no one else in the room.

"Is Alex around?" she asked, confused.

Kara ran over to hug her almost knocking the two over. "Hey! Maggie! I haven't seen her either, I was looking for her too." At that moment Agent Vasquez appeared at the door next to Maggie.

"There's a robbery in progress at the bank on 5th street," she directed her words at J'onn.

Kara stepped forward. "I'm on it."

J'onn grabbed her arm. "Absolutely not. You haven't even been awake for half an hour. I just threw you against a wall. You aren't ready."

Kara rolled her eyes. "You only beat me because you're an alien. These guys are humans. They break. They can barely lift a hundred pounds. Plus, I'm bulletproof, so stop worrying about me." With another smile, she followed Agent Vasquez back upstairs, leaving J'onn alone with Maggie.

"So, I take it Alex isn't here." Maggie said after a beat.

J'onn shook his head. "No, she left before Kara woke up."

"That's not like her at all." Maggie narrowed her eyes. "What did you say to her?"

"Winn told you?' J'onn asked, looking away.

"All he said was you two talked and she left looking mad," Maggie explained.

"I mentioned to her that I picked up her tab last night," J'onn started.

"Oh, crap." Maggie sighed. "I knew I forgot to do something, thanks. I'll pay you back. But why'd that make her so mad?"

"I might've commented on how much the tab was," J'onn explained. "And brought her some aspirin. And I might have mentioned that we were still looking for her father..."

Maggie sighed again. "Well, that'll do it. You know Alex, she can never accept help even if it's biting her in the ass."

"I''m worried about her," J'onn went on. "She seemed...off this morning."

"Oh, yeah. She had a pretty bad hangover when she woke up," Maggie said, finishing her coffee. "I was actually just bringing this to her," she held up the second cup. "It was supposed to help with her headache."

"No, that's not what I mean. I'm not sure how much Alex has told you about her past," J'onn said, folding his arms.

"Well, admittedly, not much, but what's going on?"

J'onn sighed. "When I recruited Alex to the DEO, she was...well, she was failing out of med school."

"Failing? That doesn't sound like Alex."

"Well believe it or not, it is. It was, I mean. She's changed since then. But five, six years ago? Alex was a completely different person. I met her in a holding cell, when she was detained for blowing a 0.2 on a breathalyzer."

"Shit." Maggie took in a short breath. "That's...a lot."

"She was quite the partier back then. I had been watching her for years, watching her since I came back and took on Hank Henshaw's identity. She was lost, confused, didn't know what she wanted in life. She spent her nights drinking and her days regretting it." J'onn closed his eyes. "We both know that Alex is too hard on herself, and I don't think she's handling the job as well as she used to."

"I mean, yeah, a lunatic almost drowned her!" Maggie jumped to defend Alex, shocked by what she was hearing but unwilling to criticize someone who was clearly going through a bad time. "And on top of that, the father that she lost for fourteen years came back, betrayed her, helped her escape and then disappeared again. So I'd say maybe the job is getting too hard to handle and it has nothing to do with Alex."

J'onn put a hand on Maggie's arm to calm her. "I'm not trying to criticize her in any way, you know I love her like my own daughter. I'm just worried about her. Has she been acting differently? Maybe drinking a little too much, a little too often?"

"Differently?..." Maggie's voice trailed off as she tried to remember. Dozens of nights at the bar flickered through her mind, since it was one of the only places they could all get together. She started remembering game nights where Alex would be the only one drinking, and all the small get-togethers at Kara's apartment where Alex would find an excuse to drink. A celebration. A good day. A bad day. A day where nothing happened, a day where too much happened. The text Alex had sent her earlier flashed across the front of her mind. That wasn't something Alex would have ever normally said, but the few times that Alex had flirted with her, she had been drunk. "I think I see what you mean."

J'onn had a sad expression on his face. "You need to go find her. Take care of her. You know her better than anyone else."

Maggie looked at him doubtfully. "I don't know how much better, seeing as I had no idea she was an..." her voice broke off and she couldn't bring herself to say the word.

"Alcoholic?" J'onn finished her sentence, his face drawn. "You are exactly what she needs right now. She may not know it or appreciate it, but you are her support. And of course, the rest of us are here too—but you're the one who really gets her. You have a different relationship with her than Kara. She can't talk to Kara about this because to her, Kara is still the frightened little alien child that she was charged with protecting. But you, you are her equal." J'onn rubbed at his eyes. "Have faith in yourself, Maggie."

Maggie closed her eyes for a long moment and took a deep breath. "Okay," she said, opening her eyes. "I'm going." With a last look at J'onn, she left the DEO and headed to the bar.


	5. 5) Bar Fight

As Maggie headed to the bar, Kara was flying back from the robbery. It had been an amateur job, just two guys wearing ski masks. The second she landed in front of them they had put their hands up and dropped the stolen money on the ground. The cops had arrived minutes later and taken them away in the back of a police cruiser. Kara flew by Lena's building and subconsciously listened for Lena's heartbeat, even though she knew she wasn't there. When it rang in her ears, loud and steady, she veered left and landed on Lena's balcony.

"Supergirl!" Startled, Lena looked up at the unexpected noise and rushed to open the glass doors. "Thank god you're alright." She looked her up and down, searching for some sign of injury. "What happened earlier?"

"I had a reaction to what your air freshener was spewing out. Clearly it wasn't just a sweet cinnamon scent." Kara walked into Lena's office, noting the worry lines on her forehead. "I thought I told you to take the day off?"

"It's not mine, it's my mother's." Lena's tone was bitter. "And I can't afford to, not if she's out there with the Medusa virus."

"Well if I can pull you away from your work, there's another issue at hand and I was thinking I could use your help."

"Anything," Lena said quickly.

"The Medusa virus was developed by my...by a Kryptonian. It was designed to kill only offworld foreigners in case of an invasion, but I was born on Krypton."

"Then why did it affect you." Lena's words were more of a statement than a question, her mind jumping ahead as she finished Supergirl's sentence.

"Exactly."

"So you think my mother genetically altered it to only affect Kryptonians?" When Supergirl didn't answer her, Lena forged ahead, her mind making the connections as she spoke. "No doubt about it my mother has it out for you. She wants you dead and gone, you're a perpetual thorn in her side. But I know her well enough to know that she never focuses on the smaller picture even when it's fueled by revenge. She wouldn't just try to kill you, she would have enhanced the virus to kill you and every alien in National City." Lena looked at Supergirl for confirmation and when she nodded she continued. "But if she only planned an isolated attack on you...and you're here and seemingly unaffected...then that means..."

"For some reason the virus didn't work. It must not be potent enough, or maybe she made a mistake in her calculations."

"My mother doesn't make mistakes," Lena said bluntly. "It's because of what I did, rendering the virus inert. She can't get it back to being as powerful as it was, that's why it only knocked you out. Is that what you need me for? To make it unusable again?"

"Well, eventually yes. But right now we just want you to figure out what's changed about it. Because Agent Danvers tells me that when they took me away, there was a green martian with them who should have been affected by the trace amounts on my suit. At the time, they didn't know what it was, so they didn't think to have him stay away—and he never had any symptoms."

"So you just want me to test it."

"Yes. I can see the air freshener in your safe and I know there has to still be some of the virus in there. I'll be back for the results in a few days, if you can manage that."

"Of course I can," Lena said with a hint of defensiveness in her voice. "I can have it done today," she added. "But I'll make sure to test it in a controlled environment far away from anywhere you might go, and where no one will find out what I'm doing."

Supergirl looked skeptical. "You don't have some secret underground Batcave, do you?"

Lena laughed. "No, I'll just test it at my house. No one ever goes there."

Kara froze. Her mind was racing, weighing the pros and cons of talking Lena out of it. If she said nothing, then she wouldn't be able to go to Lena's house again until she had the place tented and completely cleaned out, which wasn't plausible. If she tried to convince her to go somewhere else there was the chance of Lena wondering why Supergirl didn't want her testing something where no alien (as far as she knew) had ever been. "Didn't your mother just drop by there?"

Lena looked confused for a moment before she realized what must have happened. "I see Kara's been talking to you." A twinge of jealousy at the fact that Kara had time to talk to Supergirl about their evening but not to her came out of nowhere and she smothered it. It was irrational to be jealous that her friend had told the city's actual superhero relevant information about her villain of a mother.

"Yes and all things considered, maybe that isn't the best place."

"My mother is hiding out somewhere trying to figure out a way to ruin innocent lives, I don't think she has time for another surprise visit."

"And you can say that for certain?" Kara winced internally, feeling bad for putting Lena on the spot. Lena's gaze turned cold and she raised her chin in a silent challenge.

"My house is as good a place as any to test an alien virus."

 _Please don't be mad, Alex and J'onn and literally everyone else who's going to have a problem with this,_ Kara thought to herself. "Actually I can do you one better," she said out loud. "I know a place where you can test it, and your mother will never know."

* * *

"Hey! Watch it, lady!" A man sitting on the street yelled at Maggie, who had just tossed Alex's cold coffee into a trashcan with a splatter.

"Sorry." She didn't look at him, too preoccupied with her thoughts. It had taken some investigating but she had tracked Alex down to a bar she had never heard of. Leaning against the outside wall she was trying to reconcile the Alex she knew with the information J'onn had given her, and it wasn't a pretty fight. Every time she tried to convince herself that Alex was just having a rough time, her brain dredged up some long-forgotten memory of a perfectly normal day where Alex decided to have a drink with no definite reason to. She was starting to have a tough time defending her girlfriend against her own mind.

 _She's an alcoholic. You enabled her._

 _She never mentioned it. She kept it from you._

 _You're a horrible girlfriend for not noticing the patterns._

"Shut up," she grumbled out loud at the last one. The homeless man looked at her with a look on his face that said ' _this chick is crazy_ '. She glared at him before yanking open the door to the bar. As the door closed behind her, a body was shoved up against her. She pushed it away aggressively before looking around and realizing she was on the outside of some circle. The smell of alcohol and sweat washed over her and she wrinkled her nose.

"Settle down!" The bartender's loud shout could just barely be heard over the noise of the crowd but no one paid him any attention. Pushing her way through the squirming bodies, she fought her way to the front of the ring with a horrible realization dawning on her. _Please, please don't let it be—_

"Alex." Breaking through to the edge of the circle, Maggie saw her girlfriend standing in the open space. She had blood running from her nose and her knuckles were red and raw, but there were three men lying at her feet unconscious and bleeding and a fourth was standing opposite Alex with his fists up. As she joined the spectators, unsure of how to manage the situation, the man rushed at Alex, his unsteady gait showing how intoxicated he was. Alex easily blocked his first attack and landed a heavy punch on his face before backing up and waiting for his next move. Wiping the blood from his nose the man growled and ran at Alex, whose back was to the bar. With a small sidestep Alex moved to the side just far enough that he lost his balance and fell headfirst into the counter. As he was trying to get up she kicked him and he fell back to the ground. With the roar of the crowd echoing in her ears, Maggie knew yelling Alex's name wasn't going to get her anywhere. Watching Alex grab a beer bottle and raise it up in preparation to smash it across the man's back, Maggie drew her gun, took out the clip and fired three blanks into the air with a shout of "Police! Everyone back up!"

Alex paused with her arm in midair and the man on the ground scrambled to his feet clutching his nose. The bar immediately fell silent and everyone froze at the sound of gunshots. Upon seeing Maggie's badge and jacket, the bartender let out a relieved sigh. "She's crazy!" he said pointing at Alex. "This man just came up to say hello to her and she attacked him and his friends!"

Maggie looked at Alex for confirmation. Alex shrugged and rolled her eyes. "I told him I wasn't interested and he wouldn't leave."

"That's no reason to attack him!" The bartender pointed a menacing finger at Alex. "You have to pay for damages, I'll sue you!"

Seeing Alex's eyes narrow, Maggie holstered her gun and quickly stepped between Alex and the bartender. "It doesn't look like anything was damaged, really," she remarked with a look around the bar. Tables and stools had been upended but truthfully nothing looked broken.

"But...she caused a commotion and disrupted my business!" the bartender refused to give up.

At that, Alex's face took on a mean expression. "Looks like you made more business than you lost, old man. Do you know how many people bought drinks just to watch me kick those guys' asses?" Maggie winced at the slur in her voice as she threw the bottle on the ground with enough force that it shattered. "I'll pay for _those_ damages," she said with a sneer and slammed down some bills.

"That isn't even enough to cover your tab! You should at least arrest her," the man said as he pocketed the cash.

"Not likely," Alex snorted. "She's my girlfriend." With that she made her way across the bar, stumbling drunkenly. People backed up nervously as she passed them and in a few moments she had slammed the door shut and disappeared.

Maggie sighed and fished out her wallet. "How much is the rest of her tab?"

"She's short fifty dollars," he said shooting her a look that she couldn't read.

"Fifty? She already gave you forty. Look, nothing's broken okay? What's the actual tab?" Maggie sighed in annoyance, itching to run after Alex before she got too far.

"I'm serious! I can show you the paper!" the man shuffled through the receipts lined up on the counter behind him before showing her a check that totaled at eighty-eight dollars. Maggie closed her eyes and ran her hand through her hair. _Dammit, Alex._

"Alright, look. Here's eighty for the trouble." She put the bills on the table and walked through the bar; now that the aggressor had left the room the bar had pretty much reverted back to its usual state—people milled about sipping drinks and flirting with each other, the guys on the ground were being propped up by a few good, if not tipsy samaritans.

Maggie squinted against the sunlight as she opened the door. At an exclamation of "Disgusting!" she turned to her left to see Alex with her hands on her knees puking onto the ground not five feet from the man outside the bar. Maggie hurried over and put her hands on Alex's shoulders, trying to offer support as she heaved.

"Hey, it's okay, just breathe," she said soothingly. "You're going to be fine, we'll get you home, okay?" Alex said nothing but continued to heave. "I'm really sorry about this," Maggie said, turning to the man as Alex paused for a moment.

The man seemed to deliberate for a moment, then smiled. "You know what, it's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me."

"How do you stay so positive in such a dark world," Maggie joked, momentarily distracted. "You're a blessing to us all." She felt Alex heave again and the smell of bile and alcohol hit her with renewed vigor. She looked around for her car before remembering that she had left it with her partner. "Shit," she muttered.

"Something wrong?" the man looked up at her.

"Yeah, I gotta get my girlfriend home but we live twenty blocks from here and I can't exactly fly," Maggie said with biting sarcasm.

"I could fly you there," the man said.

Maggie looked at him apprehensively. "Are you on drugs?"

The man looked offended before slowly standing up. He was a lot taller than Maggie expected, and when he spoke again his voice was much deeper and much more recognizable. "No, and I'm offended you would suggest such a thing, Agent Sawyer." Maggie watched with disbelief as J'onn shifted into Hank Henshaw's body in front of her, his eyes glowing. Having never seen him transform, she was a little shocked but she had no time to dwell on it when the feeling of Alex's body suddenly disappeared from her hands and her girlfriend sat down heavily.

"Well this is just perfect," Alex groaned, shielding her eyes as she looked up at her boss with unfocused eyes. After unsuccessfully trying to make out his expression, she dropped her hand and hung her head. "That is a disgusting smell," she mumbled eyeing her own puddle of sick. The world was blurring together around her and she shut her eyes tight.

J'onn wordlessly picked her up and Alex didn't say anything. Maggie suspected she was too out of it to argue and looked worriedly at J'onn. "Where are you taking her?"

"The hospital. Looks like you got here just in time to prevent anyone dying, but she needs some professional medical care and I don't want the other agents at the DEO to see her like this."

Maggie nodded then knit her eyebrows. "Hang on, if you were sitting out here then why didn't you just go in?"

J'onn looked down at Alex. "I only stepped in when I could do something you couldn't—fly. I told you, the relationship you have with Alex is different than anyone else's. It's a hard job to take care of someone who lives to take care of other people, Maggie. If I had gone in, all she would have seen was her boss coming to reprimand her, and god knows what that could have led to."

Maggie thought for a moment before replying. "It may be a hard job, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world."

J'onn nodded knowingly. "I'll come back for you as soon as I can."

Maggie was already shaking her head. "I'm going to go for a walk, clear my head a little." She met J'onn's sympathetic expression with her impassive one.

"I understand. I'll have someone contact you with any updates." And with that he was gone. After a few minutes of standing in the bar's parking lot, Maggie pulled out her phone. Taking a breath, she dialed a number and waited anxiously for the line to be picked up.

"Maggie?"

"Kara. Can I talk to you?"

* * *

"Supergirl!" an angry voice rang out across the DEO. J'onn had just returned from checking Alex in to a private room, leaving two agents outside her door. He had argued with himself about letting anyone know but in the end he told them that she had been trying to stop a bar fight and that they should respect her privacy. A partial truth was more believable than a lie, and J'onn didn't know what to do anymore when it came to Alex and her secrets.

Kara was standing in her Supergirl suit at the door of a hermetically sealed chamber with Winn and Lena inside. She looked up with a guilty smile already plastered on her face. "I'll meet you soon!" she said into the phone at her ear before hanging up. "Hi, J'onn," she said with fake enthusiasm.

"Don't you 'hi, J'onn' me. Do you have any idea what you've done? What were you thinking?" the director was furious.

"I was thinking that this was probably the best place to um...test...alien stuff?" Kara's smiled widened and her face, if possible, looked even guiltier.

"You brought Lena Luthor into the DEO?"

Kara's smile melted away under J'onn's dark glare. "Oh, come on. I blindfolded her on the way here and took away her phone and—and it's a one-time thing, she's testing the Medusa virus! Don't be such a grumpy pants."

"She is? Then I should probably go inform Agent Schott that we no longer need him here at the DEO, considering there's someone who can do his job as well as he can." J'onn's tone was menacing.

"Look, she's just here to help us solve a little problem, you know? And she and Winn are working together and getting along great...which is not what you meant when you said that." Kara let out a sigh. "Fine, I know I was wrong I just didn't have any other options."

"There were other options. You just didn't want to risk your friendship, so instead you risk the identity of this whole organization, the anonymity of all of our agents, and the security of the free world!"

"Well when you put it like that...but hey! I gotta go talk to Maggie, she said she found Alex." Kara inched away from the door revealing Winn and Lena with their heads together over test tubes and vials of different-colored liquids.

It was J'onn's turn to look guilty. "She said she found Alex? What do you mean."

"What do you mean what do I mean? She said she found Alex and that she needed to talk to me. She sounded kind of serious though, so I don't want to keep her waiting." Kara started to walk away. "Oh and hey, the virus can't affect you, only me, so just head on in there when you get the chance." She gave J'onn an encouraging thumbs up then left him staring at his own reflection in the glass. Winn looked up and noticed him, then muttered something to Lena. They both stood away from the table and started the air-lock system. As the door opened, Winn came out first.

"Papa Bear! Don't get mad, but—"

"Save it, Agent Schott. I've already talked to Supergirl." J'onn's expression was stony as he turned to greet Lena. "Ms. Luthor. How unexpected of you."

"Sorry to barge in. If it's a problem I can go," Lena said looking at J'onn's unwelcome posture with a degree of uncertainty. She didn't want to fail Supergirl but she also didn't want to get on the wrong side of this angry looking man who had an air of authority. It had all been very cloak-and-dagger, Supergirl blindfolding her and bringing her to this room away from prying eyes. She had been shocked to see Winn there, but he told her that Supergirl had asked for his help as well which she had no problem with.

"No, no. I have no problem with you, it's Supergirl that overstepped." J'onn relaxed his shoulders. "She's just always so optimistic," he grumbled. "Never thinks anything will go wrong, despite all the evidence to the contrary."

Lena smiled, thinking of Kara. She had been so wrapped up in the Medusa virus that she had completely forgotten to check her phone. She pulled it out and her face fell in disappointment. There was an email about a budget meeting and a board meeting, but nothing from Kara. The last text had been sent by her inviting Kara to brunch. "Excuse me a moment, sir," she said to J'onn before turning to Winn. "Hey, is it really busy over at Cat Co. today? Kara hasn't been answering her phone."

Winn shot J'onn a look then smiled nervously. "Oh, oh yeah. I still work there. I work there. Yes. Yes, it's busy because of the..." he looked desperately at J'onn.

"Wow, that bombing is somehow affecting every part of my life," Lena grumbled, saving him the trouble of fishing for a good excuse.

"Well, you know, bombs are a pretty big deal. I mean maybe not to powerful women like you, but regular small people like me think bombs going off is pretty important. So I'm sure Kara's off—off reporting on that. The little people problems. Just regular stuff, you know, she's not flying around or, or, or working on a deadly virus or—"

"Ms. Luthor, do you know when you'll be done here?" J'onn cut off Winn's rambling.

"Actually, we already are. The virus seems to be specifically engineered to link with Kryptonian DNA markers. It hasn't affected any other species—in fact, it is incapable of affecting any other species. It seems that my mother really is just focusing on the smaller picture this time," Lena explained.

"What's troubling, though, is that it seems like it can be...how do I put this...reprogrammed? For other alien DNA. I guess Cadmus would just need a sample of the DNA to alter the virus. So they could still wipe out every alien, they just have to do it species by species," Winn added with a frown.

"Well that buys us some time. Thank you both for your help. Agent Vasquez!" J'onn called. She appeared at his side in a matter of moments and Lena inspected her closely in an attempt to glean any information about this strange operation she seemed to have been brought into the middle of. "Agent Vasquez, please return these two's personal effects and escort both Ms. Luthor and Mr. Schott back to their respective places of work."

"Right away, sir." Agent Vasquez held out the bag that Lena had put her phone and purse into when she had arrived at the building before Supergirl had blindfolded her again and led her down a maze of hallways.

"Where's your stuff?" Lena asked Winn, realizing that there were only her things in the bag.

"Oh, I don't—I left my stuff at Cat Co. because I'm going back to work there because I work in IT—at...at Cat Co. and hey look our ride's here!" Winn clapped his hands together as a van with painted out windows drove up from behind Lena.

"Funny, I didn't see an opening wide enough for a car. I didn't really see much of anything," Lena reasoned.

"And we'd like to keep it that way," J'onn interjected, nodding at the driver. "My agents will make sure you return safe and sound, with as little information as possible about this facility."

"Ma'am? If you could just—" Agent Vasquez motioned to Lena to step forwards and held out the blindfold from earlier. Lena was starting to wonder what exactly happened down here and had opened her mouth to ask just that when J'onn interfered.

"No need for that, Vasquez. She won't be able to see anything out the windows. I'll go with them just in case." He motioned for Winn to get in the van, then Lena. "Just a warning, Ms. Luthor. I'm sure you must have plenty of questions, but I hope you realize I will not be answering any of them. So you might as well save your breath on this trip."

Meeting his steely gaze, Lena swallowed. "Fine," she said resignedly. "At least tell me your name?"

J'onn chuckled as he closed the van's door, leaving them in the dark. "That's classified."

Lena rolled her eyes before settling in her seat. "I had to try." Her phone buzzed and the light from the screen illuminated the inside of the van. Checking it, she saw a text from Kara.

 _Sorry I've been so busy! We've been covering what happened at your building, Snapper wants us all to pitch him ideas and he's going to pick the best one. I'm actually on my way to talk to Maggie, but we could grab dinner later?_

Lena smiled before feeling eyes on her. She met J'onn's searching gaze and muttered "what?" before looking back down to her phone.

"If you're going to tell anyone about what happened here, Ms. Luthor," J'onn began in a warning tone.

"Oh, please," Lena huffed without looking up. "I'm making dinner plans with a friend of mine."

 _You could come over to my house later—it's just me and my empty fridge. (:_

 _Sounds great! Text me when you get off from work._


	6. 6) Kara Finds Out

Maggie stood at the door of the diner pacing anxiously. From what J'onn had told her, it seemed like Kara didn't know anything about Alex's drinking problem. She had no idea her sister was...

 _Alcoholic. She's an alcoholic. Why didn't she ask me for help?_ Maggie crossed her arms and continued pacing, staring at the sidewalk without really seeing it.

 _Probably because she knew how you'd react. You don't really seem to be handling this all too well._

 _Shut up_ , Maggie thought to herself, shoving her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket. Admittedly, she still hadn't fully accepted the fact that Alex had a problem. Or at least, she hadn't been able to understand it. She didn't understand why Alex hadn't come to her and truth be told she was hurt that her girlfriend had looked to a drink for comfort instead of her. She felt a twinge of betrayal—Maggie dealt with drunks all the time; arresting people who were hammered and disrupting the peace had been her primary job when she first joined the force. They never knew what they were doing and usually had some sob story that they choked out as she slapped cuffs on them, but she still had the irrational fear that Alex was pulling away, that somehow a bottle of scotch was a better girlfriend than she was.

 _You're being ridiculous, Sawyer._ Maggie shook her head trying to clear her mind before Kara got there. She didn't know what to say to Alex's sister but she knew that staying silent wasn't an option, and despite what J'onn had said she didn't think she could handle this on her own. Alex was going to need more than just one person's support.

"Maggie! Hey, you wanted to talk? Where's Alex?" Kara's cheerful voice interrupted her thoughts. She turned to see Kara looking at her expectantly.

Maggie bit her lip. "Um, yeah. I thought we could get a bite to eat. Have you had lunch yet?" she changed the subject.

"No and I skipped breakfast too," Kara frowned.

Maggie smirked. "I heard you were on Lena's couch."

Kara adjusted her glasses and her face flushed. "How did you know?" she turned away to hide her face.

"She may have mentioned it when I went to question her." Maggie pulled the door open.

Kara followed her in. "Wait, when did you talk to Lena? And why did she mention that to _you?_ No offense."

Waving to the hostess Maggie headed to a booth. "She just mentioned it in passing, relax Little Danvers. And you may want to talk to her, my partner kinda crossed a line when we were there. He has a bias against Luthors."

Maggie thought she saw a flash of anger in Kara's eyes but it disappeared so quickly she must have imagined it. "What did he say to her?"

"Just that it wasn't entirely out of the realm of possibilities that she helped her mother—"

"Escape? We both know that's ridiculous." Kara ground her teeth. She looked like she was going to say more but a waitress appeared at their table.

"What can I get for you?"

"I'll have three burgers and a chocolate milkshake." Folding her menu Kara sat back against the booth.

Maggie gave the menu a cursory glance before ordering a side of fries and a Coke. As the waitress took their menus and walked away, Kara leaned in.

"So where's Alex? I thought you said you found her, is she not joining us?"

Maggie said nothing. She still hadn't figured out how to bring this up to Kara, but she knew it was too late to back out now. "The thing is..."

Kara's face took on a worried expression. "What's wrong? She's not hurt, is she? J'onn said she left the DEO early, I was going to drop by her apartment before you called."

"Right. Um, she didn't go back to her apartment." Maggie sucked in a breath. "She went to, uh, I found her at...well, I tracked her down to a...bar."

Across the table from her, Kara had gone completely still. Maggie stopped talking and looked at her with a concerned expression. "And I think that maybe she's um, she might have a...problem."

"Dammit Alex," Kara growled suddenly, taking Maggie by surprise. Kara hardly ever swore, even when she was fighting aliens who were intent on killing her. "Dammit!" Kara repeated in a louder tone.

"You knew?" Maggie was trying to put the pieces together.

"Knew? How could I not know! She never told me, but I know her. I'm her sister, and on top of that I'm an alien with super hearing and x-ray vision. " Kara's fists were clenched underneath the table.

"Right." Maggie sat back. "Well I think Alex needs our help. J'onn said—"

"J'onn talked to you about this? Why didn't he do anything? Why didn't he tell me?"

"It's complicated—I think he tried to help her, but you know Alex. She brushed him off."

"Of course she did," Kara said sounding frustrated. "But that doesn't explain why he didn't mention it to me."

"I think he's under the impression that you might not...be aware of that part of your sister's past." Maggie leaned back as their food was served.

"Why? Because she was at college and I wasn't with her? I still dropped by all the time. I noticed all the empty bottles. I could always smell alcohol on her breath, in her apartment. Do you know how many mornings I would bring her breakfast and she would be passed out on the couch? She would always try to clean up before she opened the door, but I saw through it. I saw through everything." Kara's voice wavered. "I talked to her about it. We worked through it when she first joined the DEO. That was years ago, she...I never thought..." she brought her fist down on the table and Maggie saw her plate start to crack. Kara closed her eyes tightly as though it would stop her emotions from boiling over.

Maggie reached a hand out and rested it on Kara's trembling fist. They sat there in silence until Kara looked up at Maggie with unshed tears in her eyes. "I have to go talk to her. I have to see her. You can't leave her alone when she's like this." She drew her hand out from under Maggie's. "I'm going to her apartment. Maybe you should come by later?" she stood up.

Maggie nodded wordlessly as Kara looked wistfully at the uneaten food on her plate. She rummaged in her purse for some bills and handed them to Maggie. "Sorry about lunch," she said before running out the door.

Maggie sat there in silence, not sure what to do. Her first thought was to visit Alex, then it hit her. Kara had already left for Alex's apartment without giving her the chance to tell her where Alex was, that she had been in a fight and was at the hospital, that she wasn't at home. Taking out her phone she started to text J'onn when she saw a missed call and a voicemail. She hit play and held the phone to her ear.

"Maggie," J'onn's voice crackled over the message. "Alex isn't here, she must have gone home. The hospital says she checked out an hour ago. Call me when you get this."

Maggie's relief that she wouldn't have to face Kara wondering where her sister was competed with her frustration that Alex couldn't just stay at the hospital. She dialed J'onn and picked at her fries.

"Agent Sawyer?" He picked up on the second ring.

"Yeah. Don't worry, Kara is going to Alex's place right now."

"Kara?" Maggie could almost hear the confusion in J'onn's voice as he worked it out. "You told her."

"Actually...she already knew." Maggie closed her eyes as sympathy for Kara surged over her. "She's known for years."

There was a pause. "Well, that's for the best. I had a feeling she might, but didn't want to be the one to tell her. She's already been disillusioned by her parents, now her sister?"

"So you were just never going to tell her, cross your fingers and hope for the best? Nice move. She's her sister. She's the best person there is for Alex right now." Maggie felt the sting of her words as she spoke them.

"She's her _younger_ sister. Alex has always been her protector, you know."

"In case you hadn't noticed, she's not a little kid anymore. She stops bullets and carries planes," Maggie said getting annoyed.

"I know. It was a lapse in judgment and I'm glad you did what I didn't have the courage to do. I'm sorry, Maggie." J'onn's voice softened. "I know this must be hard for you."

Maggie hung up the call without responding and leaned back with a sigh. Her police radio lit up and a call for all officers near Ashford Street to head to the park and handle a drug deal went out. With a groan she peeled herself from the seat and dropped some cash on the table next to Kara's bills. As an afterthought she grabbed her fries, taking the plate with her.

"You can't leave with that," the hostess said as she walked to the exit.

Not in the mood to argue she pulled out her badge. "Police. And I left you enough change to buy a new plate." She nodded at the waitress who was speechless and gave her a sarcastic smile. "Have a nice day. Stay safe."

* * *

A banging on the door startled Alex. She looked up from her position on the floor, tequila bottle in hand and called out "Who is it?"

"Who do you think?"

 _Kara. Shit._ Alex looked at the apartment around her. The curtains were drawn, shutting out almost all of the afternoon sunlight. There was a half-eaten burrito, four empty beer bottles and broken glass from her dropping a wine glass and spilling the red liquid all over the floor. "I'm...ahem...I'm coming," she called, setting down the bottle. She stood up a little too quickly and the world spun around her at a dizzying speed; her stomach lurched and her legs started to collapse from under her. She put a hand out to steady herself against the edge of the couch but missed and fell to the floor, hitting her head against the wood and feeling the air whoosh out of her lungs. As she lay there trying to catch her breath, Kara flew in through the window.

"Alex!" she ran over to her sister and helped her into a sitting position. "Oh, Alex, what did you do? What happened to your face?"

Alex blinked the spots out of her eyes and squinted as Kara's worried expression swam in and out of focus. "My...face?" she mumbled, raising a hand to her pounding head.

"You look like you were punched in the nose, you have a black eye! And your knuckles," Kara caught Alex's wrist and looked at her bandaged hand. "Alex." Her tone grew quiet. "Why does it look like you've been in a fight?"

"Is that a rhetorical question?" Alex slurred as flashes of the bar fight slowly came back to her. She tried to pull her arm out of Kara's grasp, realizing there was no chance of her hiding the fact that she was drunk. "Give me back my arm, don't use your super strength against me."

"I'm not," Kara said quietly.

"Oh." Alex stopped trying to wrestle her arm back. "What're you doing here anyway?"

"Maggie mentioned that she found you at a bar. Alex, we need to talk about this—"

"How about we not talk about anything? I'm fine," Alex said brusquely but not convincingly. She still couldn't focus on Kara's face and when she tried to prop herself up on her arms she fell back against Kara.

"Alex..."

"Leave me alone, Kara!" Alex shoved herself away from her sister. She got to her knees and stopped there. "Just—just leave me alone."

"Alex, I can help you through whatever you're going through—"

"No, you can't! You can't bring my father back! You don't even know what it's like to have a father!" Alex sat down heavily.

"Yes, I do," Kara said quietly, watching her sister fall apart. She reached for Alex but Alex brushed her hand away.

"Not my dad! You think he's one of them, Cadmus, you said so yourself, but he is a good man. You have _no idea_ what it's like to lose him!" Alex started to cry.

Kara recoiled like she had been burned. She felt the pain of losing her family like an old wound that had reopened in her heart. She knew Alex barely registered what she was saying but her words sliced through her like a knife and Kara clenched her teeth before answering her.

"Yes, I do."

Alex looked at her blinking tears out of her eyes. "How can you say that? You didn't treat him like family, you didn't have his back." She knew she was hurting Kara but she didn't care. She felt as though it was what she deserved, to push everyone away. She kept going. "You claim to be a part of this family, so act like it! They only took him because of you, because you showed up, and then you didn't even give him the benefit of the doubt! Being your sister is—is—I wouldn't wish this on anyone!"

Kara closed her eyes without saying anything, refusing to cry. She moved over to where Alex was sitting and looked her in the eyes. Her sister's hazel-brown eyes were foggy and unfocused and it hurt Kara more to see her like this than Alex's words ever could. Wrapping her arms around her sister she hugged her tightly, careful not to overdo it.

Alex fought against her but Kara's arms were locked around her like a cage. Soon, Alex was sobbing uncontrollably and shaking in Kara's arms. "I'm just tired of having to be strong for everyone," she choked out. "I'm just...I'm so tired."

Kara leaned her head against Alex's shoulder. She could hear her sister's heart beating slowly, no doubt slower because of all the alcohol. They sat there for almost an hour, Kara feeling every shake that went through her sister's body like it was her own. "Let's get you cleaned up," she said after a while, standing up and lifting her in her arms. She walked to the bathroom and set Alex down inside the tub before starting the water. With a look at her sister she hurried to the kitchen for a glass of water, but when she saw the empty bottles and broken glass she paused for a moment. Deciding to leave them where they were, she went back to the bathroom where she found Alex in the exact same spot and with her clothes soaked. Kara turned off the water and knelt down. "Drink this," she said handing the glass of water to her sister. Alex took it from her with shaking hands and held it to her chest. "Alex, you need to drink it. You're dehydrated." Kara's voice was soft and she reached for the glass. Alex looked up as Kara held it to her lips and slowly swallowed a mouthful. "Keep going," Kara said encouragingly. When the glass was empty she refilled it and made Alex finish the second one before resting it on the edge of the sink and going to grab Alex some pajamas. Coming back with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, she handed them to her sister. "Do you need help changing?" she asked.

"No," Alex mumbled. "But I can't...I can't get up. Can you...?" Alex trailed off. Seeing her sister this vulnerable made Kara's heart ache, but she was glad Alex was asking for help. Kara lifted her out of the tub ignoring the water that soaked through her shirt and sat her down on the closed toilet seat. She turned around as Alex changed, moving slowly. When she heard the wet clothes being thrown into the bathtub she turned back around to see Alex sitting with her hands on her knees and her head hanging down.

"Alright," Kara said, still using the same soft tone. "Time for bed. Come on." She picked her sister up again and carried her to the bedroom. Pulling the covers over Alex she paused. "Do you want me to stay?" she asked, knowing that Maggie was coming by later.

Alex seemed to be thinking the same thing. "Maggie," she mumbled, her eyes already closing.

"She's coming by soon, I'm sure," Kara reassured her.

"No," Alex groaned, struggling to sit up. "I don't want her to see me like this."

Kara pushed Alex back down gently and knit her eyebrows. "She wants to help you, Alex."

"No," Alex repeated. "Stay, please," she added as an afterthought.

Kara sighed. "Alright," she said as she climbed into the bed. "I'll stay." She started to rub comforting circles against Alex's back, listening to her sister's slow breathing. She felt as though her sister were slipping away from her again like she had all those years ago; Alex had been out of control then, constantly drunk and pushing everyone away just like she was now. This time Kara refused to let her succeed.

Despite it being the afternoon, she shut her eyes. She was emotionally drained and didn't know how else to help Alex until she could figure out what was causing her sister so much pain. Trying to calm her mind she took a few deep breaths and before she realized it she had fallen asleep with her arm draped over Alex's shoulder. When Maggie came in to check on Alex a few hours later, she walked into the bedroom and saw Kara lying there with Alex. She watched them sleep for a moment before noticing Kara's eyebrows were knit together in worry even though she was sleeping. The sight made her strangely angry; didn't Alex realize that she was hurting Kara, hurting Maggie? She didn't understand how Kara could stand to be this close to Alex and watch her self-destruct. As much as Maggie wanted to be there for Alex, she didn't think she couldn't help someone who didn't want to help themselves. With a long look at the two, she headed for the kitchen before seeing the mess that Alex had left. Rolling up her sleeves she started to mop up the spilled wine; this, at least, she could handle.

* * *

Lena was sitting in her office reading the pages of calculations she and Winn had printed out. Rubbing her eyes she looked at the clock on her wall and started in alarm when it read nine pm. She had invited Kara to dinner and forgotten about it. Thanking the fact that Kara was more understanding of her long work hours than previous boyfriends, she sent her a text.

 _Just finished working. I'm sorry I'm so late. Still up to come over to my house?_

Across town Maggie was lying with her feet up on Alex's couch finishing the half-eaten burrito and rewatching the third Harry Potter movie. When Kara's phone buzzed out on the floor where she had dropped it, Maggie sat up and reached for it, reading the text from Lena.

"No way there isn't something going on there," Maggie muttered to herself, replying to Lena's text.

 _Hey it's Maggie. Kara's busy with Alex right now, sorry. I guess she forgot to tell you_. She hit send then went back to the movie.

Lena frowned when the text popped up on her phone. Even though she had defended her when her partner had accused her of helping her mother, Maggie rubbed her the wrong way, and for some reason it bothered her that she was answering Kara's phone. And even though Lena knew Kara was extremely close with her sister, it left her feeling hurt when she realized that once again Kara had been too busy with something else to answer her.

 _Stop reading into it so much,_ Lena thought. _I'm sure Kara has a perfectly good reason for not texting you back._ She paused, her fingers hovering above her phone.

 _It's fine. Thanks Agent Sawyer,_ she sent back with a disappointed sigh. She turned back to her work, resigning herself to another long, lonely night at her desk.

Maggie checked the text and when she saw it wasn't anything worth replying to she tossed the phone across the couch. Switching the TV off she put her head in her hands. Cleaning the kitchen had given her something to do to keep her occupied, but once she had finished she went right back to worrying about Alex. Her thoughts kept eating away at her and she was stuck in a vicious cycle of being mad at Alex and then herself. The thought had crossed her mind to have a drink and try to go to sleep, but with what Alex was going through she felt like it was the wrong thing to do. She got off the couch and tiptoed into Alex's bedroom. The two sisters were still fast asleep and Maggie smiled at the sight, glad that Kara seemed to know what to do in this situation. She headed back to the couch, getting a blanket from the closet on the way, and fell asleep with Alex on her mind.


	7. 7) Kara Tells Lena

Alex woke up to the sound of a conversation in her kitchen. Her head hurt, there was a ringing in her ears and her mouth was dry. Swallowing a few times she strained her ears trying to make out the voices.

"...work? What about J'onn?"

"Already called him. He said to take as long as she needed..."

"Well does anyone else know?"

Realizing they were talking about her, she shut her eyes and rolled over to Maggie's side of the bed, trying to block them out. When she didn't feel a body next to her, flashes of the previous night came flooding back and she groaned. Outside her room the voices stopped and were replaced with the sound of footsteps.

"Alex?" Her sister's voice was quiet but still echoed painfully in her ears. When Alex didn't respond, she heard Kara walk closer to the bed. "I know you're awake. I heard your heartbeat change. Alex?"

Silently cursing Kara's alien DNA, Alex opened her eyes to see Kara hovering right over her. "Jesus!" Alex jerked away. "You can't do that to people."

Despite smelling the alcohol coming off of Alex, Kara stepped back with a smirk. "Sure thing, sis. Anyways, Maggie's here and I was going to head to work—"

"No," Alex said hurriedly. She could hear Maggie moving around the kitchen and shame settled over her.

"What? J'onn's giving you time off and someone has to stay with you when I leave. You know you can't be alone—"

"You mean J'onn is forcing me to take time off. I already told you, I don't want her to see me like this," Alex cut her off again.

"But...you were...drunk, I didn't think you meant it and she's already here." Kara's voice shook slightly but she covered it up with an uneasy smile.

"I meant what I said last night, Kara." Alex sat up, ignoring her pounding headache.

Kara's face fell. "Oh." She turned to leave, mumbling about "...going to work..."

Suddenly remembering her words about Kara not acting like a part of her family, Alex struggled to take it back. "No, Kara, that's—that's not what I meant." Her words fell on deaf ears because Kara had already brushed past Maggie, who appeared in the doorway.

Maggie watched Kara leave the apartment without her usually bubbly attitude, her face etched with concern. Steeling herself for what was sure to be a long, difficult day, she crossed her arms and turned back to look at Alex who was staring after Kara with a pained expression. "Want to tell me what that was about?"

Alex fell back against her pillows. "Dammit," she groaned, ignoring Maggie.

"Hey, I'm stuck watching you so don't give Kara a reason to melt me with her heat vision, alright?" Maggie tried to lighten the mood.

Alex glared at her, mad at Kara for leaving her with Maggie after she specifically asked her not to. "You can go to work too if you want," she said.

Maggie stepped into the room. "I"m not supposed to leave you alone."

Alex looked away, scoffing. "You can leave. It's just a bad hangover, I can take care of myself."

Maggie hesitated. "That's, um...Not really the problem. I'm supposed to stay with you until—"

"I don't want you to stay!" Alex's voice was raised and angry. "Just leave me alone, I'm an adult!"

"You're not an adult, you're an alcoholic!" Maggie's words hung in the air between them. She hadn't said it out loud until this moment, and all the bitterness she'd been feeling about the situation came out in the last three words. Unlike Kara, she had never dealt with Alex when she was what Kara had earlier called a 'mean drunk' and she didn't know how Kara managed to keep her cool. "You are an _alcoholic_ ," she repeated. "I can't trust you, Alex, and I certainly can't leave you on your own." She let out a frustrated groan. "Can't you see how much this is hurting me?"

"Oh, are you in pain?" Alex sneered, malice in her eyes. "Maybe you should have a drink." She was breaking Maggie's heart, she could see it on her girlfriend's face. She felt her own heart cracking in her chest and she knew Maggie was right but she couldn't help feeling a sense of betrayal. Maggie was supposed to be different, Maggie was supposed to love her no matter what, Maggie was supposed to have her back.

"Alex," Maggie swallowed past the lump in her throat. "You have a problem."

"The only problem I'm having right now is that you won't leave me alone." Alex turned away from Maggie and pulled the blanket higher.

"No. You don't get to do that, you don't get to just shut me out." Maggie's tone was indignant and she tugged on the blanket. "This is a relationship. There are two of us. You can't just shut out the world because—because you don't know how to deal—"

" _I_ don't know how to _deal_? I'm the only one dealing with anything! I keep your world grounded, but now that I'm not there it's spinning out of control!" Alex threw the blanket off her and her tone was getting angrier but she still refused to look Maggie in the eye. "Until today, the only real thing I've ever asked you for was kids. I didn't even get to ask, because you shot me down so quickly! I've dealt with your shitty family, with you lying to me and rejecting me, and you somehow can't find it in you to _try_ to understand?" Alex whipped her head around as she spit out the last words but it was too fast for her hungover body; her vision went dark and she grabbed a handful of bedsheets to steady herself. When her vision cleared, Maggie had her hands on her shoulders and was brushing her hair out of her face.

"Babe," Maggie started.

All the anger went out of her body. "I'm too tired to argue, Maggie. Please, just..." Alex moved out of Maggie's reach and rolled over. "Please go." She closed her eyes and felt hot tears escape her lids. "Please," she mumbled into her pillow a final time.

Maggie didn't move for a few minutes. She was staring at Alex and trying to keep her emotions in check but what Alex had said had struck a chord in her. Alex did try to keep her world together, but it wasn't exactly because Maggie asked her too, it was because they just fit together like pieces of a puzzle that were made for each other. And now Maggie couldn't be there for Alex and she was instead turning to a bottle that held more appeal than Maggie could. Maybe it was actually _her_ fault that Alex was having such a hard time. With a sigh she headed to the kitchen. When had her life gotten so complicated? She loved Alex so much it hurt, but she seemed to be the one causing the most pain in Alex's life. Almost without thinking Maggie started to rifle through Alex's kitchen, taking all the liquor bottles there were left and stashing them in an empty bag. Her commotion was apparently enough to draw Alex out of her room because as she zipped the bag shut she heard Alex come up behind her.

"What do you think you're doing?"

Maggie picked up the bag, turning defensively. "Look, Kara may accept this kind of behavior from you, but I sure as hell won't. I don't deserve this, _you_ don't deserve this," Maggie said gesturing to Alex who was leaning against the wall for support. "I'm trying to help you, Alex," she said in a gentler tone.

"Don't," Alex ran a hand through her hair. "Can't you just leave me alone?"

"Alex, I'm not going to be the one to enable you. I'm not going to watch you self-destruct," Maggie said angrily.

"Then don't watch me. Leave. There's the door," Alex pointed with an accusing finger.

"You know that's not what I meant," Maggie set the bag down and the clinking of bottles could be heard clearly.

"You're stealing my booze?" Alex asked incredulously. "Are you kidding me?"

Maggie sighed. "I just want to help you—"

"I just want you to get out of my life!" The second she said it Alex knew it was too much and she wanted to take it back, but it was too late, the damage was done. She saw Maggie's expression go blank and she opened her mouth to say something, anything that could smooth out the situation, but Maggie was already picking up the bag again, her mouth a tight line.

Maggie looked Alex up and down once and nodded decisively. "Got it. See you, Danvers." She walked out the door.

Hearing the door latch shut behind her seemed to drain Alex of whatever angry adrenaline she had left and she slid down the wall to the floor. She felt nauseous and panicked, and she was disgusted with herself. She had pushed Kara away, then Maggie, and for what? For a glass of scotch? A bad mood? She curled into a ball on the ground as her stomach roiled. A moment later she was crawling to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet before the contents of her stomach came up violently. Pressing her face against the cool porcelain, she took a few deep breaths before dragging herself to her feet. She flushed the toilet with a grimace and looked into the mirror. Sadly, she recognized all too well the reflection staring back at her; heavy-lidded, red-rimmed eyes and a tangled mess of hair. Rinsing her mouth she stumbled her way to her bedroom, cursing Maggie for taking all her alcohol. Sore all over and blinking away her headache, she pulled a leather jacket on over her shirt and grabbed her keys before calling a cab, knowing there wasn't a chance of her driving anywhere. As she headed out the door she picked up a pair of sunglasses and made sure she had plenty of cash, and went outside to wait on the curb. When she got outside she looked around for Maggie, some small, desperate part of her hoping that her girlfriend had stayed. When she didn't see her she berated herself again for letting her mouth run when she was angry and hungover, and she was still mentally kicking herself when the cab arrived ten minutes later.

"Where to, miss?"

Alex double checked the amount of cash she had then slid into the backseat. "Drive twenty miles west, then drop me at the closest bar you can find." As the cab pulled away she leaned her head against the back of the seat. Rationalizing her actions was difficult, but not impossible. She had just scared off her sister and her girlfriend in one morning, and while she was pretty sure Kara would come back she didn't know about Maggie. At the very least it warranted a drink or two. Breakups, even potential ones always warranted a drink or two. And another two would cure her hangover. As the cab took her further away from home, she let out all her anger and frustration in one long sigh and focused on the fact that soon, she would be too drunk to worry about anything else.

* * *

At Cat Co. Kara had just finished typing out her proposal for the story about the bombing at Lena's building. Hitting 'print', she walked over to the printer and waited for it to process. The whole time she had been writing the outline, her mind kept drifting back to Alex and it had taken her twice as long to type than it usually did. Picking up her finished pages, she thought about dropping in on Alex and Maggie but decided maybe it was for the best that they have some time alone. As she absentmindedly stapled her outline, her phone rang.

"Lena! Oh my god, I completely forgot!" Kara answered breathlessly, feeling terrible. "I'm so sorry, I should've texted you, something came up—"

"Calm down, it's fine, you're forgiven of course. I was just wondering if you were free to have lunch in half an hour. I haven't eaten all day, and you owe me a meal." Lena chuckled at Kara's hurried apology.

"Half an hour?" Kara looked at the clock on her computer and saw it was already noon. The proposal had taken her even longer than she'd thought. "I can do that."

"Great. I'll meet you at the place we usually have brunch? It would be nice to try their lunch menu."

"Of course, I'll be there!" Kara wondered what she was going to say to Lena when she asked why she didn't make it last night, but didn't dwell on it too long. Lena was a good friend and always very understanding. With something to look forward to, Kara waltzed over to Snapper Carr's office. "Here you go, boss!" she said cheerfully, dropping the papers on his desk.

Snapper looked up, his trademark bored expression on his face. "What's this, ponytail."

"It's my proposal for the story about the L-Corp bombing."

He flipped through it. "There's barely anything here. No source, no quotes, no proof." He tossed it back on his desk and turned back to his work.

"I—I'm getting a quote from Lena Luthor later today. And, and Supergirl said Cadmus was involved." Kara deflated a little.

"And where's Supergirl's proof? The Luthor thing is good, as long as it's exclusive. I need more or it doesn't go to print." He didn't look up.

"Sure thing, boss." Kara picked up her proposal with a frown and headed back to her desk. She hadn't mentioned the article to Lena over the phone, but there would be time to talk at lunch. Logging out of her computer she grabbed her purse and jacket—it was late fall and the winds had started to pick up from the harbor. Stepping out of Cat Co. she zipped up her jacket and set off to meet Lena.

Lena had already gotten the table by the time Kara arrived, but Lena was always early for everything. She stood as she saw Kara approach and opened her arms for a hug. "Hey," she greeted her friend. Kara hugged her back and relaxed in the feeling of Lena's arms, staying there a second longer than she needed too. When Lena pulled away, Kara shivered at the cold air before sitting down, draping her purse and jacket across the back of her chair.

"So. What's new with you?" Lena asked, staring at her.

Kara stared back, realizing Lena hadn't seen her in a few days. She had seen Supergirl, but not Kara Danvers. "Not much. I'm working on an article about the bomb." She picked up the menu and looked at the burger section.

Lena raised an eyebrow. "And what are you informing the public of this time?"

Kara looked up. "Cadmus. Their involvement. Your mother. Speaking of which, I need a quote for my article or Snapper's going to scrap it."

Lena nodded. "Of course, but I'm not sure what I could say about it."

Kara bit her lip. "I was hoping you could actually talk more about...the Medusa virus?"

"How do you know about that?" Lena narrowed her eyes for a moment before remembering Kara's inexplicably close relationship to Supergirl. "Right. So you heard that I was asked—"

"To do some research on it with Winn. Yeah." Kara hoped Lena would accept the fact that she somehow knew everything Supergirl knew.

"Right," Lena said again with a strange look. "Well, what I can say on the record is I am one hundred percent sure my mother is involved, which means there's a ninety percent chance that Cadmus is as well. I know the bombing was meant as a distraction because she left me a message. As of right now I don't want to specify, but—what's wrong?" Lena broke off as Kara's face changed.

The waiter had just brought them drinks; Lena had ordered a glass of wine for herself and a margarita for Kara. Staring at the margarita, Kara's brain flashed back to the night before and her back stiffened, remembering what Alex had said. "Kara? Are you alright? I know it's the middle of the day but I thought we could relax, have a long lunch. Is that not okay?"

Kara shook her head then looked up. "No. Yes, yes I'm fine." She adjusted her glasses.

Lena noted the quick movement that Kara did anytime she was nervous and gave her a look of understanding. "Maggie told me that Alex was having some problems. Is she okay?"

"What?" Kara was startled. "What did she say? When was this?"

"She texted me from your phone last night, I assumed you knew. I texted you about dinner but she answered me instead. She just said you got caught up with something with your sister." Lena looked concerned. "Are you sure everything's alright?"

"Yeah, I just need to check on Alex really quick." Kara pushed the drink away from her and made as if to get up, but Lena put a hand on her arm and she froze at the touch.

"Hang on. You can talk to me, you know. We aren't just friends so you can get exclusive quotes."

Kara laughed nervously. "I thought we were friends because of my giant piles of money."

Lena chuckled and sat back, but the concerned expression didn't leave her face. "Now I know something's wrong, because you never talk about money with me even when we're joking. You can tell me anything and I won't judge you. I promise." She saw the waiter head over to take their orders but she waved him away surreptitiously before Kara noticed.

Kara looked at her friend and took a deep breath. For so long she had kept Alex's secret. As far as she knew, only J'onn, herself and now Maggie were aware of Alex's drinking problem. But Kara didn't want to tell people that Alex might talk to, and for the first time she was vaguely glad that her sister didn't get along with Lena. She looked back up at Lena, who gave her an encouraging smile, and stammered out the first few words.

"Alex has a...problem, and I don't...I don't really know how to help her."

Lena kept her face calm but her body language said that she was listening intently. "What sort of problem?"

"Um, well...I don't...I can't help her this time," Kara said, not really answering Lena's question.

"So she's had this problem before?"

"Yes. A while ago. Years ago. We, we worked through it but it...came back. And now I don't know what to do, and Maggie's there and I feel like I should be there with her instead but I don't know what to say because clearly whatever I did or said last time didn't help—" Kara started to ramble.

"Kara. Slow down." Lena laid her hands flat on the table. "Let's look at this rationally. If you helped her through it before, that absolutely means that you said and did the right things. Sometimes problems come back, look at Supergirl. Every alien she fights is different, and she has to find the right way to stop each one. But just because another one appears doesn't mean she didn't succeed."

"It's not like that," Kara mumbled, afraid to look up and let Lena see that she was close to tears.

Lena didn't give her a choice. Reaching across the table she put her hand under Kara's chin and raised her head until she was looking her in the eyes. "Then help me understand. Because I know you, and you are an amazing friend and the best sister anyone could ask for. So let me help you. You don't have to do this alone."

Kara closed her eyes and felt tears dripping down her face. She almost jerked in surprise when she felt Lena wiping them away, but instead opened her eyes and cleared her throat. "I..think..ahem, I think Alex is—is, um..." Lena nodded encouragingly, her expression open and worried. "She's an alcoholic." Kara's voice dropped to a whisper.

Lena paused. "Oh, Kara," she sighed after a long silence. "That is not your fault. And it's not Alex's fault either."

"How can you say that?" Kara asked with a hopeful tone in her voice.

"Because scientifically addiction is a disease. It literally changes how your brain functions, it takes away your willpower to fight it. I did some research on addiction with lab rats in college, they couldn't physically control themselves around the substances we got them addicted to." Lena spoke matter-of-factly but her eyes never left Kara's face. "It isn't your fault. You can't blame Alex and you definitely can't blame yourself," she repeated.

Kara let out a relieved breath. "You took that a lot better than I did when I first found out," she said with a teary smile.

"What are friends for?" Lena sat back then looked down as her phone buzzed. "Oh, crap. I forgot have a meeting in ten minutes. I'll cancel it and we can have lunch and talk about this."

Kara smiled apologetically. "No, don't cancel. I talked your ear off and you didn't even get to eat, I'm sorry." As Lena was brushing away her apology Kara's phone rang. "Alex?" Lena's gaze followed her facial expressions as she said her sister's name. "Alex, what's going on? I can't understand you. Where's Maggie?...Why aren't you with her?" Kara couldn't hear her sister over the loud background noise coming from Alex's phone, and she couldn't be sure but it sounded like Alex was slurring her words. Lena saw the blood drain from Kara's face. "What do you mean she left? Alex, are you...are you drunk?!" Kara's voice raised and people in the restaurant turned to look. Lena stared down every one of them, daring them to say something until they turned away in embarrassment. "Alex, where are you?" Kara's tone was frantic. "I'll come get you. No, I'm coming. Just stay there. Stop—stop drinking, okay?" Lena's face took on a concerned expression as Kara hung up. "Shoot," the reporter muttered to herself. "What do I do...I can't just leave work, how am I supposed to go get her? I can't leave her there."

Lena tilted her head. "I have some pull with Snapper Carr. I could talk to him, get you the day off. Where's your sister?"

Kara shook her head, wringing her hands and trying to think. "You don't have to do that."

"I want to. Now where is she?" Lena's tone grew firm. She knew Kara was panicking and she stepped into the leader role easily.

"Some bar all the way across the city, I've never even heard of it. O'Grady's?" Kara was fumbling with her purse.

"O'Grady's? That's not in a great neighborhood, we should go get her."

"We? You have a meeting, you need to get back to work and I have to go get Alex—" Kara broke off as Lena plucked her phone from her hand. "What are you doing?" she said, watching Lena tap her screen a few times then hold the phone up to her ear.

"Snapper Carr? It's Lena Luthor. I'm here with my good friend Kara Danvers, she's going to need the day off and some of tomorrow. She's working on something with me. No, something personal...Yes, I'm sure she'll get a quote out of it...I'm glad to hear it, maybe I should invest more in Cat Co. in the future. Thank you." Lena hung up and held out Kara's phone. "There's that solved."

"Did you just blackmail my boss?" Kara raised her eyebrows.

"Please. In business we call it persuasive conversation. Now let's go, we can take my helicopter and I know there's a landing pad down the street from that bar."

"It'll be faster if I just go," Kara said trying to sound innocent.

"On your own? In midday traffic? Please. It's the least you could do after I just shut down Snapper for you." Lena gave her a winning smile.

Kara shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, okay fine let's go. Right now, we have to hurry." She stood up.

Lena had already pulled out her phone and was heading to the exit. "John? Can you have the helicopter ready in six minutes?"

* * *

Kara tapped her fingers rhythmically against the elevator walls. She and Lena were headed down to the ground floor of the building with the helipad on it; the entire ride there she had sat silently staring out across the open sky. Lena had tried to reassure her once or twice before accepting the fact that Kara wouldn't be able to talk until she knew her sister was safe and sitting back for the remainder of the short flight. With a high-pitched _ding_ , the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Kara practically ran out the door with Lena struggling to keep up in her heels. She caught up with Kara just outside the door and nearly ran into the blonde who was looking left and right.

"I don't know how to get there," Kara said incredulously. "I can't believe I didn't think this through." She considered using her x-ray vision, but despite the situation she couldn't afford to do anything else that would raise Lena's suspicions. Thankfully, Lena seemed to know the way and Kara didn't question it when she pointed down the street to the right.

"It's the second left after you head this way," Lena directed her. Kara had already started running; she was beside herself with anxiety but made sure to keep a close watch on her speed. She darted across the street forcing a driver to slam on his brakes to avoid hitting her. The man honked his horn and when Kara looked over her shoulder she saw Lena had just gotten to the crosswalk. Turning back she headed straight for the door to the bar, a thick wooden fixture under a peeling, sun-bleached sign that she could barely read. " _O'Grady's Pub and Grub,_ " she mumbled to herself before coming to an abrupt stop a few feet from the handle with her hand outstretched. She stood there indecisively for so long that Lena caught up to her.

"Well? Are we going in or..." Lena looked at Kara. She couldn't read her expression, but she could see the tension in the set of her shoulders. As Kara put her arm down Lena reached out to take one of her hands between both of hers. "I know this is scary," she said in a calming voice, "but you have to do this. Alex..." She left the sentence hanging.

"I know." Steeling herself, Kara wrenched open the door and stepped inside, Lena following close behind. A few drinkers turned to face them but most of the people didn't pay them any attention. Inside the bar several sports announcers' voices blared over the different televisions set up on the walls, and it was grimy and dark. Kara immediately started looking for Alex at the bar while Lena walked through the tables and glanced at the pub-goers. Frankly, she had always felt out of place in this particular bar, but it had been a favorite stop of her old friend Sam's. As she turned down the last row of tables, she thought she saw a familiar haircut at a booth in the back. Closer investigation confirmed that it was Alex, slumped over the table, and she waved to get Kara's attention.

Kara stopped short of the table, staring at her sister. Lena could see Kara's impassivity crumbling and she put a gentle arm on her shoulder, nudging her forwards. "Alex!" Kara slid into the booth next to her sister as Lena stood awkwardly at the table like a waitress. She saw that there were several empty glasses on the table and a half-full bottle of wine, not counting the empty beer bottles that Alex had lined up along the inside wall. As she looked on, Kara tried unsuccessfully to get her sister to sit up but all she could elicit was a groan. Lena frowned for a moment before going back up to the bar.

"I'd like to pay the tab for my friend back there," she said with a smile.

"Sure thing, pretty lady." The bartender wiped his hands on a towel and printed out the paper. "It's a whopper, just warning you."

"What is it?" Lena braced herself.

"An even seventy-nine dollars without tax," the man said as he handed her the receipt.

 _Jesus. She must have a lot of drinking experience,_ Lena thought to herself. She dug her wallet out of her purse and pulled out five twenties. "Keep the change," she said as she started for the table. When she got there she saw that Kara had made very little progress. Alex had relinquished her hold on an empty beer bottle but Kara couldn't get her to say anything and was starting to come apart at the seams.

"Alex, just get up," she said a little more brusquely than she meant too. When that was met by as little of a response as everything else she'd tried, Kara looked around exasperated and noticed Lena returning to the table. "Where'd you go?"

"Oh, I just went to pay off her tab," Lena shrugged, keeping her voice down. "Figured I could save you the time."

"You didn't have to do that, I'll pay you back," Kara sighed. "If she would just _get up_ ," she said in a louder tone, directing the last two words at her sister.

"Maybe you should take a moment, go outside?" Lena suggested, noticing Kara's eyes were glistening. She slid into the booth across from Alex. "I'll try to talk to her."

Kara looked between Alex and Lena a few times before making up her mind. "Sure. Fine. I'll just—I'll just be outside. Call me if you need anything." She headed back out; once the door had closed behind her she took a deep breath before launching herself into the air. She needed to clear her head, and to do that she needed to fly.

Inside, Lena was brushing crumbs off the table and onto the floor when Alex finally spoke. "Not now, Maggie," she groaned into the crook of her elbow, keeping her head down. Without a sound Lena rested her arms on the table and watched Alex. The bar life continued around her and she listened as the announcer narrated a goal three times over before Alex raised her head and blinked a few times. "Oh. Not Maggie," she said. Fighting the urge to wrinkle her nose at the smell of alcohol, Lena shook her head.

"Not Maggie."

Alex turned away from Lena's steady gaze. "Why would my sister bring _you_ of all people to this place?"

"I was eating lunch with her when you called." Lena's stomach growled at the thought of her missed lunch. "I flew here with her."

Alex squinted at Lena, confused. "She flew you? I thought...huh. Maybe good friends don't keep secrets." She reached for the wine bottle, almost knocking it over.

"Steady there, let's take a break," Lena grabbed the bottle and moved it out of Alex's reach. "And _I_ flew _her_ here, in my helicopter."

"Oh. Right." Alex shook her head and blinked slowly. "Where'd that bottle go?"

Lena held it up. "I'm cutting you off."

Alex leaned her head against her hand and blew her hair out of her face. "This isn't improving my opinion of you, you know that right?"

"It's not your opinion that matters. It's Kara's. And right now, _her_ opinion of _you_ isn't too great."

"What do you know about it?" Alex put her head down on the table.

"Well for one," Lena said with a hint of anger, "I know that drinking yourself into a stupor isn't really the best thing you could be doing to set an example for your younger sister. And secondly, even if she won't show it, Kara is hurting. Because of you, because of what you're doing to yourself, because of shit like this. And I think you know that too." Lena put the bottle down with a forceful _thunk_. "The people around you want to help you. I want to help you, and you don't even like me. But you can't just wallow in—whatever is going on, and forget that you have role in people's lives. You want to become a hermit and never speak to anyone again, fine, you can drink yourself to death far away in the mountains somewhere where no one will notice or care when you die. But you owe it to the people around you to try. Because you are hurting everyone around you, especially your sister."

As Lena finished her speech, Alex raised her chin defiantly. "You think I'm doing this on purpose?"

Lena studied Alex's hazy expression for a moment. "No. I don't think you have a choice with this. But you _do_ have a choice to get help, or at least accept it from the people who are offering it. Having a problem doesn't make you weak, Alex, it makes you human. Doing nothing about it is what makes you weak."

Alex stared at her without saying anything for a while then inhaled. "I don't know what my sister sees in you."

Lena looked startled. "What? We're just...good friends," she said nervously.

"I know, that's what I meant...but I don't think that's what you meant," Alex said raising an eyebrow.

Lena stood up and changed the subject. "Are you going to drink all day or do you want to rejoin society?"

Putting her hand to her head Alex stood slowly, leaning on the table for support. "I have to pay."

"It's taken care of," Lena said offering her arm to Alex. Alex took it hesitantly, her coordination well below average. The moment she let go of the table, though, she started to sway and Lena wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled Alex's arm around her shoulders. "Come on. Out we go," she grunted as Alex leaned on her. Matching Alex's stumbling steps was difficult in her heels but they reached the door with no issue and another woman held it open for her. "Thanks," Lena said gratefully as she walked out.

The lady gave her a nod. "She's been here all morning. You're a good friend for coming for her," she said looking at Alex whose eyes kept closing.

Lena smiled and turned away. "It's not her I came for," she muttered under her breath. She looked around for Kara and was starting to worry when she saw her walking out from behind a dumpster. Lena noticed Kara's eyes were red but didn't say anything.

"Hey, there you are," Kara smiled as she walked up to them. "It's like _The Walking Dead_ ," she said in a lighthearted tone, taking Alex off Lena's hands. She looked at Lena. "I don't know how you did it, but thank you so much."

"What are friends for," Lena smiled back. "Come on, let's get back up to the landing pad."

"Oh, um, I—I uh, called Maggie. She's actually on her way right now to pick us up," Kara said sheepishly. "I...I needed to talk to someone."

Lena felt a twinge of disappointment but she smiled again. "Of course, I understand completely. I can wait for her with you—"

"No Maggie," Alex groaned. She shuffled her feet and almost knocked her and Kara over as her balance shifted. "I told you no."

Kara looked at Lena who was standing uncertainly in front of her. "I think I'll just stay with her, alone. If that's—if it's okay with you."

"Why wouldn't it be?" Lena turned to go, hiding her hurt expression from Kara.

"I'm so sorry, Lena. I drag you all the way out here and I didn't even have lunch with you. I'll make it up to you, I promise. It's not your fault, this is all me."

Lena looked over her shoulder. "Kara, don't worry about it. I'm glad I could help, just text me when you're free." She walked away feeling strangely hollow.

Kara waited until she was out of sight then picked Alex up easily. Alex had been starting to fall asleep but as Kara lifted her off her feet she jerked awake. "Ugh, I'm gonna hurl." She tried to get out of Kara's arms but was too drunk to fight her sister.

"No you're not," Kara said decisively. "You're just going to have to wait. You'll be fine," she reassured her sister.

"Why'd you call Maggie?" Alex tried to look at Kara but the sun was shining into her eyes and she buried her face in her sister's shoulder. "I told you no," she said again.

Kara adjusted her sister's position. "I didn't actually call her. I just needed Lena to leave."

"I thought you liked Lena," Alex said confused.

"What? No, no I don't. I mean we're friends. I—yeah I like her as—as a friend. She's a great friend, she came all the way out here with me to find you!" Kara rambled as she pulled off her glasses.

"That's what I meant. Friends. But that's funny, cause Lena said the same thing to me." Alex smiled and closed her eyes.

Kara cleared her throat. "Anyways, let's get you home." She walked Alex out of view of the bar and took off, heading for Alex's apartment. The whole way there she thought about what Alex had said about Lena, wondering what she could have said to get her sister to stand up.


	8. 8) Meeting Sam

Kara landed softly in Alex's apartment, careful not to jostle her sister too much. Alex had fallen asleep the second she'd gotten them into the air and was mumbling quietly as her eyes darted behind closed eyelids. Laying her down on the couch, the knot of worry in her stomach loosened a little and it felt as though a pressure had been lifted from her chest. Alex was still in trouble, Alex still needed help, but the earlier hysteria of imagining her sister passed out and alone in a gutter somewhere had faded. Lena had convinced Alex to get up, and maybe even to get help. Lena had done that for her. Kara's thoughts turned to the CEO. She felt horrible standing Lena up again and the image of Lena flying back to work with a sad look on her face popped into her mind.

 _Who are you kidding, Kara. She wasn't sad, she was probably annoyed that she missed an appointment to fly you out there,and you basically told her to get lost._ Alex shifted in her sleep, catching Kara's attention. With a sigh Kara examined her sister, checking for any injuries. Aside from the now-dirty bandage on her knuckles and the fading bruises on her face from the fight Maggie told her about, she couldn't see anything wrong. She deduced that Alex was passed out cold and would remain so long enough for her to go apologize to Lena. Draping a blanket over her sister, she headed out the door.

When she got to Lena's office after almost half an hour of walking, the sun had gone down and dusk was just barely starting. Feeling guilty, she spent the entire elevator ride up and rehearsing her apology in her head. Lena was always willing to stop whatever she was doing and help Kara, she had even sacrificed her childhood friend, Jack Spheer, for her. Well, she had done it for Supergirl, but Lena's readiness to help others always blew her away. She got off the elevator and smiled at Lena's assistant before pulling the doors open.

"Lena, I'm so sorry about earlier, I didn't mean to—" Kara looked up and her words failed her; she had just walked into Lena's office where Lena was sitting on the couch and speaking with a woman Kara didn't recognize. "I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude." Kara felt her face flush.

"No, please, come in," Lena stood eagerly, her face breaking out into a smile. "Kara, I want you to meet an old friend of mine, Samantha Arias. She was who I had the meeting with at lunch. Sam, this is Kara—the reporter I was telling you about?"

Sam stood and held out her hand, smiling as Kara walked over to shake it. "It's so nice to meet you, Lena's been talking about you non-stop. And here I thought this meeting was to talk about me," she said laughing.

"All good things, I hope?" Kara smiled back. "I'm sorry I interrupted...whatever this is."

"Don't be silly, you're always welcome." Lena shrugged it off. "I was just in the middle of interviewing Sam to be my new Chief Financial Officer."

"Interviewing...like a job? I just interrupted your _job_ interview?" Kara widened her eyes at Sam who laughed.

"It's not really a job interview, like I said, it's mostly been Lena talking about you." Sam's laughter died down as she noticed the way Kara and Lena were looking at each other. "And now I feel like I'm the one interrupting something. I can come back later, if you still want me?"

Lena turned away from Kara to see Sam's hesitant expression. "Don't be ridiculous, Sam. You're hired." She looked back to Kara and bit her lip. "I was just thinking that you should go pick your sister up some early dinner—you mentioned she was sick," she lied easily.

Kara nodded gratefully. "Yes, right. She's sleeping right now but I was going to grab her some food. And maybe I'll grab myself something too, since you stopped me from eating my lunch," she ribbed.

Lena laughed and then adopted a haughty pose. "Excuse me, that was all you. I was perfectly fine just sitting down with a friend and enjoying a good salad, but _you_ had to go running off to save the world," she laughed.

 _You have no idea,_ Kara thought to herself. "Salad doesn't count as lunch," she said aloud. She and Lena looked over guiltily when Sam cleared her throat; they had clearly forgotten they had company.

"Well I'm starving, and it sounds like you both didn't get to eat. Why don't we all go out? I'll pay, I just got a new job." Sam smiled.

Kara hesitated. "Um, my sister..."

"She's pretty sick, isn't she?" Lena finished for her with a pointed look that Sam didn't see.

"If she's asleep I'm sure she'll be out for hours. What do you say we all get to know each other and maybe you can tell me some stories about Lena—I haven't seen her in years." Sam looked at Kara expectantly before adding "but of course, if you need to get back to your sister, it's no problem." She looked to Lena who was staring at Kara as if waiting for some sort of signal.

Kara shrugged but her stomach chose that moment to let out a loud growl. Smiling sheepishly she looked at Sam. "I guess I'll take you up on that offer," she said.

"Me too," Lena said immediately after. When Sam raised an eyebrow in her direction she rolled her eyes. "Someone has to make sure Kara doesn't tell any embarrassing stories about me," she justified. Laughing, the three of them headed for the door and Kara tried to breathe easier. She knew Alex was going to be asleep for the next few hours, but she couldn't help feeling bad for enjoying an afternoon out.

* * *

Back at Alex's apartment, the older Danvers sister had already gotten up and was rifling through her kitchen shelves looking for alcohol when she remembered that Maggie had cleared her out. "Damn you, Sawyer," she groaned and headed for the bathroom. She picked up her toothbrush with the intention of cleaning out the awful taste from her mouth but saw that she was out of toothpaste. With another groan she knelt down and opened the cabinet door, then smiled widely. A hidden, unopened bottle of scotch gleamed back at her and she sat down, reaching for it. "Still got some tricks up my sleeve," Alex said to herself as she unscrewed the lid. She leaned back against the tub and took a swig.

* * *

Lena, Kara and Sam were all laughing at a story Kara had just told about Cat Grant fawning over Clark Kent when Maggie saw their table. She headed over and cleared her throat to get their attention.

Lena turned around first. "Maggie?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be with Alex because she's...sick?" Lena finished lamely with a look at Sam. If Sam noticed the hitch in her voice, she didn't say anything.

"Actually, I need to talk to Kara about that. Can I borrow you for a moment?" Maggie put her hand on Kara's shoulder.

"Sure thing," Kara pushed her chair back and stood up. "Excuse me," she said to her friends before following Maggie outside.

"And who's that?" Sam asked looking at Maggie.

"Maggie Sawyer. She's the one who arrested me last year," Lena said with a grin.

" _She's_ the one? I'm surprised she's still standing and...breathing," Sam joked.

Lena chuckled. "Just because I'm a Luthor doesn't mean I destroy everyone in my way."

"Well it looks like she might be in your way to getting the girl," Sam said with a knowing look at Lena.

"What are you talking about?" Lena reached for her glass of wine.

"I mean, it looks like she and Kara are...you know, together." Sam looked out the window to see Maggie and Kara gesturing angrily.

"They look like they're fighting," Lena pointed out.

"Right. But they fight like two people who love each other." Sam picked up her own drink and took a slow sip. "I know you, Lena Luthor. That blonde out there is _so_ your type. So get rid of the other chick."

Lena scoffed. "Okay, she is not my type and for your information, that's Maggie Sawyer. Alex Danvers' girlfriend," she clarified.

Instead of the taken aback reaction she was looking for, Sam laughed and set her drink down. "Even better! That means there's _no one_ in your way. Unless Kara's only into guys, but I didn't get that vibe from her."

Lena rolled her eyes. "Sam, not now." She took a long drink of wine before putting the glass down. "Kara and I are friends. Best friends, in fact. She's one of the only people who would voluntarily talk to me when I first came to National City. Well, her and Supergirl."

"Wow, you replaced me with a hot blonde _and_ a superhero?" Sam grinned. "You really upgrade fast, don't you."

Lena laughed at that. "Anything after you would be an upgrade," she joked.

Outside, Maggie and Kara were having a full-blown argument.

"You shouldn't have left her alone," Kara said furiously.

"I know, I know," Maggie spread her hands. "I know I did the wrong thing, but—"

"But nothing!" Kara clenched her fists. "Do you know where I had to go to get her? That's right, she left," she said seeing Maggie's surprised face. "You wouldn't know, because you were already gone. But I had to go get her; she was at a bar, she was getting hammered." Kara slammed her fist into the brick wall behind her to emphasize her point and it crumbled. "I told you, I _told_ you she couldn't be left alone, and what do you go? You go ahead and leave her."

Maggie held her hands up in an attempt to calm Kara down. She had seen Kara this angry once before, and that time Kara hadn't been able to control her heat vision. "I'm about to head back to her apartment. I just needed advice on what to do—you seem to know what to do, what to say."

"I have _no idea_ what to say to my sister when she's like that. I just have my experience to go off of, because I _never_ _left her alone_ ," Kara shouted. "I don't trust you to go back. You left once, what is there to promise that you won't leave her again?"

"Look, she asked me to go! No actually, she yelled at me to leave her alone." It was Maggie's turn to get angry and she stood her ground. "And I didn't see you sticking around earlier this morning when you ran out the door with your tail between your legs. And where is Alex now? Alone in her apartment? It's a good thing I took all her booze and brought it to the station."

"That was different. She said some things that I didn't—it's not the same, Maggie." Kara struggled to find the words. "The things she said to me—you don't understand, you _can't_ understand."

"She said some hurtful things to me too, you know. About us, about our future. About having kids." Maggie's shoulders drooped. "I just want a chance to fix this. One chance. Please."

Kara closed her eyes. When she opened them, Maggie was looking at her wistfully. "I don't know what to tell you, only that you can't leave her alone. You have to stay with her, you have to make her feel...valuable. Right now, she's getting beaten down by the world and she feels like she doesn't deserve anything good. I know my sister. I know she didn't mean the things she said to me, it's just her way of punishing herself." Kara's voice dropped to a whisper. "You just...you can't leave her alone." Tears formed in her eyes and as they started to spill over Maggie stepped forward to wrap her in a tight hug.

"I'll head over there. Right now. And I promise I'll text you if anything happens," Maggie whispered in her ear. "Thank you, Kara." She broke off the hug and turned away.

Blowing air out of her mouth, Kara stood still for a moment before wiping her tears away. She could see Lena and Sam looking at her curiously through the glass and she tried to put on a smile before going back into the restaurant.

"Everything okay?" Sam asked good-naturedly.

"Yeah, just...family stuff." Kara sat down.

"I understand...It looked like you and Maggie were close," Sam said with a wink. Lena shot her a look across the table that said " _stop."_

Startled, Kara laughed. "Me and Maggie? Oh, no. She's my sister's girlfriend."

"Hmm. Really." Sam sat back with a mischievous look on her face. "You know, Lena had a girlfriend once."

"What? You never told me," Kara said in surprise, turning to look at her friend.

Lena glared at Sam. "It was in college, it was just a...fling. I don't know what it was. I was trying to 'find myself'." She made quotations in the air with her fingers at the words. "It's not that important."

Sam slapped her arm. "Yeah, right. Lena would never shut up about this girl. It was all, 'do you think she likes me?' and 'I think I'm in love, Sam'."

"I did _not_ sound like _that_ ," Lena said indignantly as Kara laughed at Sam's imitation of Lena. "It was just...fun, and different. And yes, I liked it, but—"

"Lena, relax. I'm just teasing you." Sam smiled at Lena but winked at Kara. "So do you need to be somewhere or can we finish the food?" she asked the reporter.

"Oh, we can finish. Maggie's taking care of Alex, so I don't need to bring her food anymore." Kara met Sam's eyes with a searching look. "One question, though. How many burgers are you willing to buy me?"

* * *

A few hours later Kara parted ways with Sam and Lena, who headed back to L-Corp to discuss business. Feeling lighter than she had in days despite the three burgers in her stomach, Kara headed in the direction of her sister's apartment. Sam had been shocked to see the speed at which Kara scarfed down her food, and Lena had laughed as it was a normal occurrence for her. As she got closer and closer to Alex's street, the happy, airy feeling she had was disappearing. She had checked her phone several times but Maggie had never sent her anything, which either meant things were going well or Maggie had ditched Alex again. As Kara entered the apartment complex, she pulled her glasses down and looked through the walls to see two people in Alex's apartment, but in different rooms. One of them was lying down on the bed, the other was sitting on the couch.

"Is Alex still asleep?" Kara kept her voice down as she walked in.

Maggie looked up and pursed her lips. "Kind of," she said looking guilty.

"Kara? Is that you?" came Alex's voice from the bedroom. "Kara, come in here."

Kara looked at Maggie, confused. "What's going on? You never texted me." She headed to the bedroom.

"Well, you'll see," Maggie's voice dropped as she followed Kara.

Kara stopped short in the doorway then turned to Maggie. " _This_ was your solution?" She pointed a finger at Alex who was lying on the bed. "You _handcuffed_ my sister to her bed?!"

Maggie sucked in a breath. "Yeah, I knew you'd take it like that. But there's a reason."

Ignoring her, Kara hurried over to Alex. "Alex, I'm sorry about this. I should've been here." Examining the handcuffs, she saw that Maggie had slid them behind the metal bed frame and locked Alex's hands in front. She glared at Maggie before bending over to open the handcuffs

Alex let out a breath. "Good thing you showed up cause I've been telling Mags I need to pee for like, half an hour, but she won't believe me." She looked up at Kara with a goofy smile.

Kara yanked her hand back and stared at her sister. The smell of alcohol on Alex's breath was unmistakable. "Are you...drunk?" When Alex just smiled in response she turned on Maggie. "Is she drunk? Did you not listen to me? I _said,_ don't—"

"Leave her alone, I know." Maggie cut her off. "She was like that when I showed up, except she was passed out on the bathroom floor."

Kara paused. "I thought you said you took all her booze."

"Yeah, thanks for that Mags," Alex said bitterly, the smile slipping from her face. Kara and Maggie ignored her.

"I did, from the kitchen. She told me that she hid a bottle under the bathroom sink a few weeks ago and I never thought to check there."

Kara pinched the bridge of her nose then turned on Alex. "Alright, I'm done with the helpful sister act. This has got to stop. Right now."

Alex pulled on the cuffs but they weren't budging. "Can't you just let me pee?"

Kara walked away from the bed and took her glasses off. Scanning the apartment, she turned to Maggie. "There's another bottle in the second drawer on the right," she pointed to the dresser in the room.

"Hey, that's cheating!" Alex whined.

Kara ignored her again. "And another in her bedside nightstand." As Maggie retrieved them she handed them to Kara. "And a last one under the bed."

Maggie got to her knees and fished out the bottle before wordlessly handing it to Kara. She couldn't look at Alex, afraid that her face might betray how she was feeling, and she wasn't even sure how she felt about the impossible situation Alex had put them all in.

"Are you happy now?" Alex grumbled.

Kara looked at Maggie. "I think we should talk," she started.

"Me too," Maggie spoke up. "We need a plan—"

"I think we should talk in another room," Kara clarified.

Maggie stopped and looked down. "Okay," she said to the floor, following Kara out of the room.

"It's rude to keep secrets, you know!" Alex called out after them.

"Look who's talking," Kara shot back without turning around. She crossed the living room and sat down on the couch, patting the cushion next to her as an invitation for Maggie to join her. When Maggie had settled herself in the corner, she drew a breath. "I think maybe handcuffing her to the bed wasn't the right thing."

"I know, I'm sorry," Maggie said again. "I just—I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to leave again, and you were out with friends so I just thought like a cop. That's what you do with a drunk if you need back up and no one's arrived yet."

Kara held up her hands. "I said I didn't think it was the right _thing_. But I do think it was the right _idea_." She looked up at Maggie hoping she would understand what she was saying.

"O...kay," Maggie said slowly, not sure what Kara was talking about.

"What I'm saying—what I'm asking is, is there a way to maybe just...leave her in a holding cell? Over night?" Kara cringed at her own words but didn't take them back.

Maggie looked at her incredulously. "You can't be serious."

"You already cuffed her to the bed, I don't see the big difference," Kara pointed out.

"You want me to arrest my girlfriend? Because that's the only way I could legally use one of those cells. Just because I'm a cop doesn't mean I can use jail cells like self-storage containers. There's a ton of paperwork and all that crap that goes into putting people in there. I'd have to bring her in and book her!" Maggie was still reeling from the fact that Kara had actually suggested arresting Alex.

"It's the fastest way to sober her up and we won't have to stay up all night watching her. Last time this happened, she snuck out all the time at night to go to bars."

"As right as you may be, Kara, she hasn't done anything illegal. Unfortunately, being an alcoholic isn't a crime," Maggie explained.

"I know that, but didn't she get into that bar fight a few days ago?"

"The bartender didn't press charges," Maggie kept her voice low. "And neither did the guys she beat up."

"Well then what counts as illegal?" Kara whispered with glance in the direction of the bedroom; she could hear Alex trying to move around.

Maggie thought for a moment. "You can't drink in public. And there are open container laws." She met Kara's eyes. "You're not seriously considering this."

Kara looked grim. "I wish I wasn't." She got off the couch and offered Maggie her hand.

"I'm going to hell," Maggie said before taking Kara's hand.

"Cheer up," Kara said with a half-smile. "You were already headed there anyway. You know, being a lesbian and all."

Maggie laughed. "You're right. I guess I have nothing to lose."

Kara re-entered the bedroom. "Hey, Alex." She walked up to her bedside. "You wanna pee?"

Alex let out a relieved sigh. "Thank god. Yes." She sat up eagerly as Kara reached over her again.

"Hang on," Maggie stopped her. "I have the key for those. Let's not break a perfectly good pair of cuffs cause they'll take it out of my salary." She pulled the key out of her pocket and unlocked Alex's cuffs. Stepping back, she put the cuffs in their holster on her belt and pocketed the key again.

Alex rubbed her wrists. "You know, if you wanted to bring handcuffs into the bedroom I can think of a few other ways we could use them." She winked at Maggie.

Kara turned beet red and averted her eyes.

"Well, now I'm positive she's drunk because your sister is a helpless flirt. Whenever we're in bed and just starting—"

"WOW, I do _not_ need to hear this," Kara spoke over Maggie. "Can we just get back to breaking the law?" she pleaded.

Maggie rolled her eyes. "Sure, Little Danvers. Get up, Alex. Go use the bathroom then get ready to go."

"Where are we going?" Alex asked eagerly as she ran to the bathroom, her balance thrown off by the bottle of scotch she'd poured down her throat.

"Out," Kara said vaguely, waving her hand around and watching Alex closely in case she fell.

"Okay." Kara looked at Maggie as Alex flushed and when the sink turned off they both looked back to see Alex standing there with a smile on her face. As they watched, she stumbled but caught herself on the door frame.

With every instinct she had in her screaming "No!", Kara held out one of the bottles Maggie had given her, a red wine. "Want to loosen up a little?"

"Sure," Alex said taking the bottle eagerly and walking to the kitchen to get a corkscrew.

"She must be blackout drunk by now. She's only a happy drunk when she's blacked out," Kara muttered to Maggie as they followed.

"Your plan is sounding better and better, Little Danvers," Maggie muttered back. "I just texted a buddy of mine, he's heading here in a police cruiser he'll be here in five. Hey Alex, Let's head out now, okay?" Maggie raised her voice.

"You bet, I'll be there in one second," Alex said, concentrating on the corkscrew. She couldn't focus her eyes enough to twist it in, but she had other methods. As Kara started to head over to help, she shoved the cork into the bottle with the knife attachment of the corkscrew and it splashed into the wine. "Got it!" she said proudly, holding up the bottle.

"Come on," Kara guided her sister to the door that Maggie held open. They headed outside and Kara and Maggie stood on the sidewalk watching awkwardly as Alex lifted the bottle to her lips then swallowed. She didn't seem to notice or care that Kara and Maggie were watching her, but she noticed the silence.

"Is something happening? Do I need to be quiet for it? Ooh, is it a surprise party?" Alex put her finger to her lips in a way that was almost comical, but neither Kara nor Maggie were laughing. As Alex giggled and took another swig, Kara saw the police lights down the street and nodded at Maggie.

With a pained look on her face, Maggie pulled her handcuffs out for the second time that night. She took Alex's arm that wasn't holding the bottle of wine and closed the cuff around her wrist. As Kara took the bottle out of Alex's hand, the cruiser pulled up and she brought the other arm behind her back and locked the second cuff. Alex hadn't resisted at all, being a mixture of drunk and caught off guard. Maggie took a deep breath and looked at Kara before she started.

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law."

"Maggie? What are you doing?" Alex turned away from the bright police lights as the other officer stepped out of the car.

Maggie hesitated then forced herself to continue. "You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided to you. Do you—do you understand the rights I have just—" Maggie's voice died in her throat.

Kara watched the other officer take in the scene and turn to talk in Maggie's ear. "Sawyer. I'll finish up here." Alex stared at him, shocked into silence.

Maggie shook him off. "No, I can do it, I—"

He shook his head. "We both know you're too close to this." He put his hand on Maggie's shoulder and looked at Kara. Kara nodded to him and gently pulled Maggie away from Alex.

"Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?" he picked up where Maggie left off and walked Alex to the backseat of the cruiser. "With these rights in mind, do you wish to speak to me?"

Alex found her voice. "Maggie, what's happening? What did I do wrong?" She looked frantically from her girlfriend to her sister. "Kara? Kara, help me! I didn't do anything wrong! Maggie, stop him! Maggie! _Maggie!_ "

Maggie shuddered as Alex screamed her name until the officer closed the door. "I'll see you at the station?" he said to Maggie who nodded wordlessly in response. She and Kara watched Alex's terrified face disappear down the street as the cruiser drove away.

"You didn't do anything wrong," Maggie whispered to herself. "You didn't do anything wrong."


	9. 9) Protection Detail

Kara landed at the DEO early in the morning. She had stayed up half the night trying to decide whether or not to visit Alex but couldn't bring herself to see her sister in a cell, eventually falling into a fitful sleep around four in the morning. Maggie had spent the night at the station but from the texts Kara had received it seemed like she hadn't spoken to Alex either since she arrested her. When she landed, James and Lucy were standing with a group of people who were all clapping.

"What's going on?" Kara said curiously as she neared the commotion. "Where have you guys been?"

James turned, a big grin on his face. "Kara! Hey, how are you?" He nudged Lucy with his shoulder and she turned too, smiling widely.

When she saw Kara she squealed and tackled her with a hug. Taken aback, Kara hesitated before returning the embrace. Lucy Lane had never hugged her, never hugged anybody other than James as far as she was aware, and Kara wasn't sure what to do. "Hi, Lucy," Kara said, returning her friend's smile.

Lucy held up her hand and Kara did a double take. On her ring finger was a simple silver band with a glittering diamond set in it. "You're engaged? Congratulations!" Kara leaned in and gave Lucy another hug. "Finally popped the question I see," she said punching James playfully on the arm.

"Actually," Lucy said when they broke apart, "we, um, already got married." As she stepped back and took James' arm Kara turned to her friend.

"That's where we've been," James said defensively seeing Kara's expression turn dark. "On our honeymoon."

"You got _married_ and didn't invite me?" Kara spread her arms. "What is this? What kind of friendship do you think we have, James Olsen?"

Lucy laughed as James stuttered. "I—it was a spur of the moment—well, not exactly spur of the moment—we just walked into a chapel—I didn't know where you were!"

"I can _fly_ , James. I would've been there in _minutes. Minutes!_ " Kara repeated. "I'm so mad at you, but so happy for _you!_ " she said turning from James to Lucy.

Lucy laughed. "Yeah." Then she looked at James. "That's not all though," she said with a slightly softer voice.

"What is it?" Kara looked from one to the other. "Are you pregnant? Oh my god—"

"No, no nothing like that. It's um, well, I got a job offer from the Pentagon," Lucy said slowly.

"Okay. Wait, the Pentagon as in Washington D.C.?" Kara raised an eyebrow.

"The one and only. And..." Lucy turned to James.

"And I'm going to move there with her," he finished, looking Kara in the eye.

Kara stepped back. "Oh."

"We wanted to tell you first, so no one else knows yet," James explained.

"But who's—who's going to run Cat Co.?" Kara's mind was reeling. "Not Snapper, that's for sure."

"Well, that's something else I wanted to talk to you about. Cat Co. had a business meeting, and, um, I found a buyer who's willing to step in as the CEO. The deal's already closed."

"Who?" Kara asked with wide eyes.

James let out a nervous chuckle. "Oh, boy. Um, well...legally I'm not supposed tell you yet because the unveiling isn't for a week, but it's...it's Lena Luthor."

Kara's jaw dropped. "Lena...bought Cat Co.?"

Lucy had kept quiet but spoke up now. "That's good, isn't it? I mean, aren't you friends with her?"

"Yeah, I mean, as Kara I am," Kara nodded slowly. "I just...I guess I didn't know until now how much...money...she had. I mean I knew she was rich, but buying an entire company?"

James whistled. "I know, I was just as surprised as you. Obviously it's not all out of pocket, some of it's investors and whatnot. Anyway, she'll be taking over as CEO of Cat Co. soon."

"But Lena doesn't know anything about running media! I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know L-Corp has a Facebook page!" Kara said with a startled laugh.

Just as James opened his mouth to answer her, Winn ran into the room, gasping for breath. "Winn! My man," James called across the room.

"Not now," Winn gasped out, waving him away. "Kara, you need to come quickly. It's J'onn."

Kara ran over, her eyes widening in alarm. "What is it?! What's happened?"

Winn bent over, putting his hands on his knees. "He...breathing, but he collapsed, like you," he choked out.

Kara tried to piece together the information. "We have to get there now," she said, seeing James already heading for the stairs.

"I just have to—catch my breath," Winn stood up.

"Oh, please." Kara picked him up. "I'll take you."

Winn let out a yell as Kara started to run, holding on to her neck. "Maybe slow down a little!"

"I'm not going to drop you, Winn," Kara scoffed. "And even if I did, you're like three feet off the ground."

Winn laughed nervously and cast a look over Kara's arm to see the ground whizzing by. "Haha, but you're flying over the stairs right now."

Kara looked around and came to an abrupt halt, jolting Winn against her rock-hard arms. "Jeez, a little warning would be great," Winn mumbled. "You don't exactly come with seatbelts—aagghhh!" he yelled as Kara turned sharply and landed in the training room. Seeing J'onn on the ground, she set Winn down and raced over.

"J'onn! Can you hear me? J'onn," she said as she rolled him onto his back. She could hear Winn retching in the background but didn't look up. J'onn's eyes were closed and his breath was wheezing slightly, but as she picked him up it evened out. "What happened Winn?"

"I was with him just talking about our security systems and he said he was going outside," Winn said taking a deep breath. "Then not five minutes later he comes back inside, but he was coughing and he collapsed."

"Hmm," Kara said as she examined J'onn. "He seems fine now, but I'm taking him to the med bay," she called to Winn as she left, flying past James who had just arrived.

Winn waved a weak hand at her back. "I'll just...catch up with you in a minute." He saw James approaching him. "Hey, sorry about that. Where you been, man?"

"Getting married," James said, cutting to the chase.

Winn gaped, then looked behind James to see Lucy sliding into the room. "Well here's the lucky lady," he said with a wink. "Congratulations."

Lucy smiled at him. "Was that Kara carrying J'onn I just saw?"

"Yeah, they're headed up to the med bay. I am too, once I get my sea legs back. I have no idea how Kara got her driver's license."

James laughed. "I could carry you," he held out his arms jokingly. "I'm a strong, masculine man."

Winn waved him away with a snort. "The only person you'll be carrying is that lady over there," he said with a nod at Lucy. He stood up and took a breath. "Want to walk there with a weak little man like me?"

James smiled. "Sure. I have to tell you something on the way though."

"As long as you don't pick me up, you can tell me anything you want." They laughed and headed upstairs.

* * *

Maggie's phone rang and she reached for it tiredly. She hadn't slept well last night, lying on the bed in the station's spare room. She had been thinking about Alex sitting in the holding cell, wondering if her relationship was over. Somewhere in a rule book it probably said 'Arresting your girlfriend is against the rules. It automatically ends your relationship'. And she couldn't blame Alex or even Kara for that matter, because she still thought it was for the best. Maybe she hadn't actually arrested Alex or booked her or written up a warrant, but she had read her her rights and gotten her thrown into a cell. Hitting 'accept' she put the phone to her ear, closing her eyes.

"Sawyer."

"Maggie! You have to come down here. Your friend collapsed."

"Darla? What are you talking about?" Maggie's eyes shot open at the bartender's frantic voice.

"Your friend, she's down at the bar and she collapsed!"

Maggie was confused. "How is that possible? Alex has been here all night, she couldn't have—"

"No, not your girlfriend, Maggie. The Martian bartender, M'gann. Aren't you friends with her?"

Maggie rubbed her eyes. "Right, shit. Okay. What happened?"

"I don't know, she went to take out the trash but when she didn't come back for a while I went out to see what the hold up was. I found her lying on the ground, coughing, and then she passed out. You have to help, I don't know what to do!"

Maggie stood up and reached for her jacket. "Okay, okay. Calm down I'm headed there right now." Hanging up, she grabbed the keys to the cruiser and headed out.

"Leaving your girl in lockup?" on of her colleagues asked as she stormed past. "Was she naughty?" he said playfully.

"Screw off, Stanton," Maggie grumbled at him and kept walking. "No one lets her leave until I come back," she called behind her as she left the station.

When she got to the bar, Darla led her to the back. M'gann was leaned up against the wall behind the bar, looking like she was asleep. "You didn't think to move her?" Maggie asked.

"Hey, I'm not exactly Supergirl, okay? I couldn't lift her, and I have customers. Just make sure she's okay?" Darla asked.

"Why'd you call me?" Maggie knelt down. "I'm no doctor."

"No, but I do know that you'll do everything you can to help her." Darla smiled at her. "You may be my ex, but you're still a good person Maggie."

Maggie smiled back. "Thanks, Darla. I've got this." As Darla went back in, she pulled out her phone and dialed Kara.

Kara picked up after a few rings. "Maggie? What's wrong, is Alex okay?"

"Alex? Oh, yeah. She's still at the station in the holding cell. I'm actually down at the bar," Maggie said.

"Why are you at the bar?" Kara was confused.

"You know that Martian, M'gann? She just collapsed and my friend down here called me about it," Maggie explained.

There was a beat of silence then Kara said "I'm on my way. Stay there."

"Alright," Maggie ended the call. She looked back at M'gann. There really didn't seem to be anything wrong with her, her breathing was clear and when Maggie took her pulse it was steady.

Soon, Kara arrived and landed with a _thud_ by the back door, kicking up gravel. She joined Maggie and examined M'gann with her x-ray vision. "It's the same thing as J'onn..."

"J'onn? Is he okay?" Maggie looked at Kara.

"No, he passed out earlier this morning and..." Kara looked up, realization dawning in her eyes. "Crap."

"What is it?"

"I have to get Lena. I'll met you at the DEO?" Kara stood up.

"Wait, Kara, I can't carry M'gann! And why are you getting Lena?"

Kara picked up M'gann easily and turned away. "Never mind, I'll take her. Just...get to the DEO." She took off leaving Maggie staring after her in confusion.

* * *

Lena was in the middle of working on a budget report with Sam when she saw Supergirl land outside her window. She did a double take then put down the papers she was holding and walked over to the door, catching Sam's attention.

"Lena? What—is that Supergirl?"

Lena smiled. "Told you I upgraded," she said as Supergirl walked in. When she saw Supergirl notice Sam and hesitate, she quickly introduced them. "Supergirl, Samantha Arias. Sam, Supergirl." She turned to Supergirl with a smile. "I've known her for years, she might know more about me than you do."

Kara wondered if Lena would say the same thing if she knew it was her under the suit, but smiled at Sam. "Ms. Arias."

"Please, it's just Sam," Sam said quickly holding her hand out.

Kara shook it absentmindedly, eyeing Lena. "Ms. Luthor. I need to speak to you about your mother."

"Ah." Lena bit her lip. "That's one thing that Sam might not know as much about."

"I know she runs Cadmus," Sam supplied helpfully.

A look passed between Lena and Supergirl. "Actually, Sam, maybe we could pick up in a little while? We could go out for lunch afterwards," she added with an expression that suggested she was caught in an awkward position.

Sam raised her eyebrows. "Um, sure. No problem. I'll just..." she started to gather up her things and Supergirl cleared her throat.

"Ms. Arias, you can just leave that there. I'll only be a minute."

Sam paused, halfway done with the task at hand. She looked at Lena's apologetic smile and felt suddenly out of place, like she had the day before when Lena and Kara had forgotten she was with them. "Actually, I think I'll just go pick us up some lunch." As Lena started to shake her head she waved away her concern. "Don't worry about it. Really. I'll just save you the trip, it's no problem."

With a smile at Supergirl she left the office, closing the door quietly behind her.

After Sam disappeared, Lena turned back to Supergirl. "I'm so sorry about that, I didn't know you were—"

"We have a problem, Ms. Luthor," Supergirl said without wasting time. "Earlier today, a friend of mine collapsed. He so happened to be a _Martian_ friend." When Lena looked at her warily, she continued. "Then, not long after, I get a call that another Martian has collapsed in a bar across town." Seeing Lena's confusion start to clear, Supergirl finished her thought. "So the only two Martians I know of in National City are now both unconscious. And..." she eyed Lena.

"And you think it's my mother again." Lena turned away from Supergirl and cursed. "If I had only had a bit more time to work with Winn, I could've tried to develop a means to kill the virus.

"You didn't figure it out?" Supergirl tilted her head.

"Well, I got halfway there. Mr. Schott and I figured out the properties of the virus itself, but then we were interrupted by a man that reminded me of Jimmy Olsen. Half the looks, none of the charm, I might add. He escorted us out."

Kara groaned internally. _I should've known J'onn was going to do something like that._ "Sorry for the trouble. But yes, I think your mother has altered the virus again, this time to affect Martians."

Lena tapped her chin. "If you can get me back in that room, I can start working on an antidote right away."

"No," Kara's mind reeled. "I'm here for you."

"Yes, I know. To make the antidote." Lena was confused.

"No, I'm here because you might be in danger. From your mother. I need to get you somewhere safe." Supergirl crossed her arms.

Lena blinked incredulously. "Of course I'm in danger from my mother! She's a sociopathic murderer with no regard for others, but if I can put a stop to what she's doing—" she gestured wildly.

"No!" Supergirl said again in a much harsher tone. "Your mother knows you're capable of ruining her plans. I need—we need to protect you."

Lena scoffed. "If you think I'm going to hide like some scared little girl while my mother is out killing people, then you don't know me very well."

"Your mother could be out coming to kill _you_."

"You have no proof my mother is coming after me. Can't you just, I don't know, set up a cop outside my door?"

"This isn't a lighthearted matter, Ms. Luthor." Kara ground her teeth. "I would think that by now you would know that one police officer isn't going to stop your mother or the people she works with."

"Then leave Alex Danvers with me. She's better than a regular cop and Kara seems to think she's Jesus himself." Lena walked over to her desk and sat down. The chances of her mother coming after her were higher than she'd like to admit, but she refused to back down.

Kara swallowed slowly before clenching her jaw and answering stiffly, "Alex Danvers is...indisposed at the moment." She turned away from Lena, not wanting the other woman to see the tears that pricked her eyes.

Lena was mortified. How could she have forgotten what Kara had told her, how could she have forgotten seeing Alex in that bar? She drew a breath and sat up straighter. "Right. Look, I don't want any trouble. I have all the calculations here," she said holding up the pages Winn had given her. "I don't need the live virus to develop an antidote, I could figure it out without the sample. And the sooner I do, the sooner—"

"There isn't time for this, Lena!" Kara exploded. When she heard Lena's first name come out of her mouth, she froze. "Ms. Luthor," she said taking a deep breath. "While I have never doubted your abilities, I strongly suggest you take my advice. You are one of few people in the world who can develop a serum to counteract this virus, but to do that you have to still be _alive_. Kara Danvers warned me that it would be difficult to get you to agree to a security detail, but she didn't say how difficult," she muttered the last part.

Lena looked at the papers in her hand then out her window as Supergirl walked up to her desk and waited for her response. Narrowing her eyes, Lena turned in her chair. "Fine," she said, "but I need something from you."

Supergirl let out a relieved breath. "Anything."

"Kara Danvers." Lena looked up at Supergirl.

"What—what about her?" Supergirl stammered out looking flustered.

"I want you to keep an eye on her. It's true Alex Danvers is, how did you put it? Indisposed? And I think it's taking a toll on her sister." Lena's voice softened. "You say you're good friends with her? Well, so am I. And I wouldn't ask this of anyone else, _for_ anyone else. But I'm worried that with her sister so...sick, that Kara isn't taking care of herself. If I can't watch her, I need you to."

Kara's heart pulled at Lena's sincerity. Her breathing hitched and she smiled, her body relaxing. "Of course. I'll keep an eye on her." She stood up and turned to go. "Oh. Kara mentioned that you...bought Cat Co.?"

"Wow, news travels fast around here doesn't it?" Lena gave Supergirl a shy smile. "Yes, it's true. But don't go spouting that around."

"Why did you buy a whole company?" Supergirl asked. Internally, Kara was trying to figure it out herself. Snapper Carr wasn't a great boss but James made sure everything ran smoothly. What reasons did Lena have to take over?

"Oh, just an...issue that needed resolving. I _am_ business woman; I saw an opportunity and I took it."

"So, good press?" Supergirl joked.

"Not at all," Lena said offended. "I'm surprised you would even suggest that."

Supergirl smiled half-heartedly. "Just teasing you, Ms. Luthor. I'm sure you wouldn't do something like that, but you and I both know it's what all the other news stations will be saying. Now, I have to go, but I'll keep an eye on Kara Danvers and I'll have someone come by soon. Don't send them away, Ms. Luthor, they'll be staying with you until I can arrange something more permanent."

Lena watched as Supergirl took off, folding her hands in her lap. She heard her door open and close and whipped around, feeling paranoid from her conversation with Supergirl. "Sam," she said in a relieved tone when she recognized her friend.

Sam held up a bag of takeout. "Hey. I stopped by Noonan's. Got you a salad."

"Hmm." When Lena didn't reach for the food she was holding out, Sam set it down on the desk with a raised eyebrow.

"Okay. What's wrong."

"I'm...it's nothing." Lena looked away.

"You know that doesn't work with me. Come on. Does it have to do with your mother being a terrorist?"

Lena laughed. "Surprisingly, no. It's about Kara, actually. I said something...something about her sister to Supergirl. And now I'm wondering if she's holding up alright."

Sam sat down. "Well what's going on?"

Lena shook her head. "I'd normally tell you, except this one isn't my secret to tell. Just...Kara's sister's going through a rough patch and I'm not sure how to help Kara."

"Help Kara? Shouldn't you be trying to help her sister? Who is her sister, by the way?"

"Alex Danvers? She's that cop's girlfriend, you remember Maggie from earlier?"

Sam leaned her head against her hand. "The one that I thought was dating Kara?"

Lena snorted. "Right. Anyway, Alex is the older sister. She's a federal agent. Saved my life a few times, actually. She's just having a hard time and I wish I could be there for Kara."

Sam rolled her eyes. "You're starting to sound like you like Kara."

"Don't be ridiculous," Lena shut her down. "I'm just trying to be a good friend."

"You _are_ a good friend. Just, you know, maybe throw in some benefits." Sam smiled and she and Lena exchanged a long, warring look before Lena's phone rang and she looked down.

"Hello?" Lena asked confused, not recognizing the number.

"Oh, thank god you picked up. Lena, it's Alex—Kara's sister."

"Alex?" Lena stood up and looked at Sam with a confused look on her face. "What's going on? Is everything alright with Kara?"

"Kara? Yeah, she's fine I guess," Alex said distractedly. "Look, I know you think I don't like you, but can you do me a favor?"

"Depends what the favor is," Lena answered carefully.

"It's nothing that big, I just need you to come get me." Alex held her breath and waited for Lena to answer. She had convinced one of the officers at the precinct to let her use the phone, telling them that she was going to call Maggie, and even then it had taken quite a bit of whining. Looked like her girlfriend had some pull at the station. Thankfully the phone was in a private room and the officer had mentioned that she technically could just leave afterwards because everyone knew Maggie was never going to get around to booking her. The flashing lights from the night before had apparently been a show just for her benefit and hadn't even been on the record. It had certainly been enough to scare her, and she had been having flashbacks about all the times she'd gotten arrested in college. She pulled her focus back to the phone, where Lena was saying something.

"Alex? Alex, are you still there? Where are you? Are you at a bar? Where are you?"

Alex rubbed her forehead. "Um, the National City Police Station?"

"Oh." She could hear Lena's sigh of relief. "Is Maggie not there to give you a ride?"

"Ha," Alex let out a breathy laugh, "Kind of. Um, she put me in a holding cell overnight because I was drunk."

Lena was silent for a moment. "And you want me to come get you because..."

"Because you're right. I do want to get help. But I can't, not here stuck in this jail cell, and you know Kara and Maggie won't take me home. Please, please just come get me? Or send someone?" Alex begged.

Lena sighed again and weighed her options. She couldn't pass up the chance to help Alex, but the idea of both Kara and Maggie being mad at her was a definite downside. "I'll be right there," she said with a grimace at Sam before hanging up as Alex was in the middle of thanking her. She let the arm holding the phone drop and looked at Sam.

"So that was the infamous Alex Danvers." Sam stood up. "Want me to go with you to...wherever she is?"

"Sure, I could use the company, but I'm warning you, Kara's sister isn't my biggest fan." When Sam turned to her with anger in her eyes Lena held up her hands. "Hey, look on the bright side, you'll finally get to meet her."


	10. 10) Lena Saves Alex

"You look horrible," Lena remarked as she and Alex left the station.

"Way to make a girl feel special," Alex grumbled. They finished the walk to the car in silence where Sam was waiting with the engine idling. Lena had a driver, but she had assumed that Alex would want privacy. She had assumed correctly because as soon as Alex saw Sam she groaned. "Wow. Did you bring a security team too, or just you driver?"

"Driver? No, no that's a friend of mine. I was supposed to wait for a guard or something, actually," Lena said guiltily, remembering her conversation with Supergirl. "If we hurry back to my office maybe I won't get in trouble."

"Your office? I was going to head home, take a nap." Alex started to zip up her jacket. "I didn't get that much sleep, surprisingly, jail cells aren't conducive to getting a full eight hours."

Lena envisioned what Kara's response would be when she found out that not only had Lena sprung Alex from jail, but also let her go back home alone. "Why don't you come back to my office for a while," she said as she opened the door. Sam looked out at smiled at Alex.

"Hey, so you're the reporter's sister," Sam said cheerfully. "It's nice to meet you!"

Alex cast a disparaging look at Sam. "It's just a whole damn party, isn't it?" she said with a glare at Lena. "Forget it. I'm going home."

"Hey, no. None of that." Lena snapped her fingers. "I come all the way over here to pick you up, you call my friend a driver, and now you're just going to go off and leave? I'm not having it."

Alex continued to glare at Lena. "You seemed perfectly fine with getting ditched by my sister, why can't I do the same?"

Lena opened her mouth and closed it without saying anything, catching a glimpse of Sam laughing behind her hands. "That was—different, and what do you remember? You were drunk. Get in the car."

Muttering under her breath, Alex slid into the backseat. "What's so funny?" she said seeing Sam struggling to swallow her laughter.

"You," Sam said as Lena climbed in the front and shut the door. "You just seem like the opposite of Kara, I'm surprised you two are related. I mean I know she's adopted, but you grew up together."

"Jesus, did you tell her everything about me?" Alex threw her hands up. "Can't a person just live in peace?"

Sam started to drive back to L-Corp. "Don't worry, I don't know everything about you. I mostly just know what I heard your girlfriend yelling at your sister, and she never mentioned you being a criminal."

Alex paused. "I'm not a criminal. Wait, Maggie and Kara were arguing?"

"Oh, yeah. Your cop girlfriend broke up our brunch to talk to Kara and they ended up duking it out right outside our restaurant window," Sam answered.

Alex put her head in her hands. "How much trouble am I in?" she peeked at Lena through her fingers.

Lena laughed. "Not as much as I'll be in when they find out I got you out of jail. Speaking of which, was that your first time in a cell?"

"I told you, I wasn't really in jail," Alex cleared her throat. "Maggie decided to break out the handcuffs, but not in a sexy way."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lena raised her voice over Sam's chuckle.

"It means my girlfriend and my sister ganged up on me and had me arrested. Well, not really arrested. But they brought me in and left me in holding over night," Alex explained. "I'm not really sure about the details, since neither of them would even talk to me."

"So you called me as a last resort," Lena said turning to stare out the window.

"I mean, would it make you feel better if I said no?"

Focusing on the road, Sam had stopped laughing. "I'm not sure what kind of relationship you two have, because it seems like every possible line is blurred, but if you're just using my friend..."

"Sam," Lena warned. "Don't."

"I'm not using her. I just happen to know that Lena Luthor is one of the only people my sister can never stay mad at." Alex played with her jacket's zipper refusing to look up.

"Sound a lot like you're using her," Sam said turning onto Cordova.

"It's not," Lena defended Alex. "I understand," she said without taking her eyes off the road. "But that doesn't mean there isn't a first time for everything. Kara doesn't really stick to tradition when it comes to you."

"Oh, yeah. And my girlfriend's gonna be pissed at you, that's for sure. But hey, at least now we have something in common."

"Great. And what's that?" Lena said unenthusiastically.

"We've both been arrested by Maggie Sawyer."

* * *

Back at the DEO, Kara was watching Winn run tests on J'onn and M'gann.

"It's the Medusa virus, isn't it?"

Winn nodded somberly. "Yup. I just wish Alex were here, she's better at this stuff than I am. Sorry to hear she's sick," he said looking up at Kara. "J'onn told me," he explained when Kara seemed taken aback. "She may be a badass, but even hardcore super-soldiers can get the flu."

"Right. The flu. It's pretty bad, I think she's still contagious."

"Ew. Anyways," Winn continued, "If it's anything like the virus that affected you, they'll be fine in a few hours. It might take them a little longer because they aren't practically indestructible, but they'll recover."

"Can you tell if the virus has changed in any other way?" Kara asked.

"You mean has it gotten stronger? No," Winn said showing her a picture taken from a microscope. "The Medusa cells that are bonding onto their Martian cells have a short half-life. They aren't stronger, and they aren't living longer. Evil mommy Luthor hasn't succeeded yet, apparently."

Kara sighed. "Fine. And where are we with Lena's protection detail?"

"Oh, I talked to Agent Vasquez and she said she's sending some guys over. You know, with Alex and J'onn both out of action, I thought that you'd be running things but it looks like I'm in charge," Winn joked.

Kara didn't laugh. "No, I don't want random guys, I wanted Vasquez to go there in person."

"I'm sure she is, calm down." Winn put down the picture.

"You said she's sending some people, not going herself. I have to get over there," Kara said.

"No, you have to try to find Lillian Luthor," James spoke up from the doorway. "Report just came in of several Syvillians collapsing all over the city. And the police are holding a man at gunpoint who seems to be holding an aerosol can spraying something into the air at a stadium downtown. You need to put a stop to this."

Kara frowned. "She's working fast. I'll head there now, text me the address."

"Just be careful, Kara," James called after her. He looked at Winn. "Hey, I know we're in the middle of a crisis here, but remember when I mentioned I was moving to D.C.?"

"No! You never mentioned that!" Winn was shocked.

"Oh right. You were gasping for air in the corner and ruined my announcement. Well, after Lucy and I got married, she got a job offer at the Pentagon. And I got a job offer at a Washington paper as a photographer, so we're moving there in a week or so." James caught Winn up.

"But you're running Cat Co.! And Lillian Luthor is on a rampage! You can't just leave." Winn was at a loss.

"It's not for at least a week, and someone else will step in. I can't tell you who, though, sorry." When Winn pouted, James sighed and gave in. "Fine, whatever, I already told Kara. It's Lena Luthor, she bought Cat. Co."

Winn gaped before recovering. "She bought it!? You don't have to buy a company to run it, do you?" he said knitting his eyebrows.

"I mean you don't _have to_. But Lena Luthor doesn't strike me as the kind of woman to let a board direct how she runs a company. I guess she wanted to eliminate the middle man?" James shrugged. "Anyway, we—Lucy and I, we're having a little get together before we leave. Assuming Lillian Luthor doesn't take over the world by then. Next Saturday? Everyone will be there."

Winn smiled. "Of course, man, I wouldn't miss it for the world." He opened his arms for a hug.

James held up his hands. "I'm not leaving just yet. Save that for the party," he said with a chuckle.

"Oh, come on. Bring it in."

As James leaned down to hug Winn, Kara's voice came on over the comms. "Winn? He got away."

Winn held his hand to his ear, pressing the device in. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, by the time I got here he was gone and all the police had left."

"That's bizarre." Winn headed for a computer and started hacking the police logs. Reviewing the radio transcripts, he frowned. "Five police teams were dispatched to the stadium. You're saying they all just left?"

"Well they were gone by the time I got—hey!" Kara yelled. She saw a policeman in the corner of her eye. "Where did the rest of you go? The guy escaped."

"We let him escape," the man said in an oddly calm voice. "It was what we wanted."

"We? Who's we?"

"Cadmus. It is not our job to question it."

"Why did they leave you behind?" Winn and James were leaning over the computer screen listening in to the conversation.

"I'm here as a message for you. Leave us alone, or more will suffer. More will die."

"What are you doing? Put that down. Wait!" Winn and James both jerked back as a gunshot could be heard clearly over the comms.

"Supergirl?" Winn said in a panicked voice. "What happened!?" He and James held their breath as silence answered them.

"I'm fine," came Kara's voice after a minute. "He—he tried to shoot himself. I shoved my hand in front of the gun, but it exploded from the backfire, I guess. The police officer, he's—" Kara glanced down. "He's alright, just shaken up. I think he was being controlled telepathically."

"How do you know?"

"Because when he raised the gun to his head, I saw his eyes. They had been empty until he pulled out the gun, but when he pointed it at his head I could see fear in them. He was terrified. And now he seems like himself. I guess whoever Lillian has controlling them isn't strong enough to convince someone to kill themselves."

"But they did convince him. He pulled the trigger."

"I don't know," Kara said looking back at the officer who was shaking. "I think he was nervous and tightened his grip around the trigger when he saw me reaching for it. But it broke whatever connection they have."

"So even if Lillian Luthor poisons all of National City, she can't hypnotize everyone to jump to their deaths, is that what you're saying?" James clarified.

"Sounds about right. I think it must be something to do with how the brain works. Looks like you can't convince someone to do something against their survival instincts when their life is on the line."

"Well, bring him in. We can question him about what happened and hopefully by then J'onn will be awake and can mind wipe him afterwards."

"Fine, I'm on my way." Kara picked up the startled policeman and headed for the DEO.

* * *

"I know you've been here before, but just help yourself to whatever you need," Lena led Alex to her office. "Bathroom's down the hall if you're feeling sick," she lowered her voice out of Sam's earshot.

"I normally never puke when I drink and I'm not drunk right now," Alex hissed back. "I know lately I've been hitting it a little too hard, but can you just leave it alone?" She followed Lena into her office.

"Fine. Well Sam and I just have some work to finish up but we can go to another room." Lena started to organize the papers they had been looking at earlier, stuffing them into a thick manilla folder.

"I'm not a child, you don't need to babysit me." Alex looked out the window at National City. "I'm only staying here because you wouldn't take me home, and because I don't want my sister or my girlfriend to get even madder at the both of us. Just go back to work, I'll be fine."

"While your sacrifice is appreciated," Lena said in a biting tone, "I was only saying it because some of us have actual work to do. And some of us even get that work done, instead of drinking until we can't see straight. It wasn't for your benefit. Hand over your gun."

Sam looked up from her place at the door looking like a deer caught in headlights. Alex and Lena held each other's glares until Alex finally gave in and pulled a gun out from inside her jacket, handing it to Lena.

"Sorry. Thanks. I'll probably just crash on your couch," she mumbled, looking down.

"You're welcome to it," Lena went over to her safe and locked the gun away before walking past Sam and leaving the office with the folder under her arm.

Sam stood there for a moment watching Alex stare wistfully at the safe. "I know it seems like Lena doesn't like you," she started quietly.

"Save it," Alex glared at her and started pacing the room. "You don't know anything."

"Actually I do," Sam stood her ground. "I've known Lena for years. And she seems cold at first but it's her actions that show that she cares. She wouldn't have asked me to drive across town to pick up just anyone.

"I don't think she did it for me," Alex said, thinking of her sister.

Sam smiled, picturing the blonde reporter from brunch. "That, at least, we can agree on." She left Alex in Lena's office and went off to find her friend in an empty conference room down the hall.

"Where were we?" Lena said when she came in.

"Budget reports. I don't know why you're here doing this, isn't this what you hired _me_ for?" Sam sat down next to Lena.

Lena debated telling Sam everything, about the Medusa virus, working on a cure, her confusing argument with Supergirl earlier, her relationship with the Danvers sisters—but in the end, the thing that was weighing on her mind the most won out.

"I'm afraid Kara's going to be mad at me," she blurted out.

"For going to get Alex?" Sam pushed the papers away and leaned back, stretching her arms.

"No. Yes. Well, that too. But mainly for buying Cat. Co." Lena nudged the papers in front of her.

Sam paused and steepled her fingers. "We decided together it was a good idea to buy that company. Good profits, good press, good business. James Olsen is leaving National City and you can step in for him, or hire someone else to. Why would Kara be mad about any of that?" Sam tilted her head and smiled.

Lena sucked in a breath and nodded slowly. "Right. Um, you remember when I told you Kara was a reporter?"

Sam sat up straighter and her smile evaporated. "You didn't." Lena didn't say anything, but looked away and bit her lip. "Tell me you _didn't_."

"Didn't what?" Lena said in a small voice, timidly meeting Sam's piercing gaze.

"I _know_ that I am not sitting here reading a mountain, a _mountain_ ," Sam slammed her hand down on the pile of papers making Lena flinch. "Of papers about salaries and budgets and utility bills and merger conditions, because _Lena Luthor_ spent _seven hundred and fifty million dollars_ on her _girlfriend_."

"Okay, no, she's not—I didn't—it's—you just said it's good business!" Lena sputtered. "Besides, it's not like I'm putting her in charge. I mean, I considered it but I'm not going to! I'll run Cat Co. if you want!" Lena finished quickly, melting under Sam's withering stare.

"After this conversation I don't think you have a choice," Sam snorted. "I mean really, Lena. I know you're bad at flirting with women but there are steps to this kind of thing. You have dinner. You call them. You invite the girl over to your house. You don't _buy_ the company she works at just to get close to her." Sam put her head in her hands and groaned. "I know there are a thousand other perks to buying a media empire, but this is ridiculous."

"I've already done all that with Kara," Lena sighed. "Besides, I told you we're just good friends."

Sam glared at Lena from between her fingers. "I know Luthors aren't the kind of people you want as your enemy, but I'm so close to hitting you right now, I swear."

Lena laughed. "Can we just focus on the business aspect of this?" she asked with a pointed look at the papers.

"I can't wait to tell my daughter that her aunt Lena just spent enough money to buy a small country just to impress a girl."

"I told you it's not like that, but I can see it's a moot point with you. How is Ruby, by the way? Still at that boarding school?"

"She's good, yeah. Middle school is treating her a lot better than it did me." Sam smiled as she thought about her daughter.

"Maybe she could come by on one of her breaks, I haven't seen her in ages. You still think boarding school was the way to go? It's a little early to send her away." Lena sat up as she spoke, pulling the papers closer to her.

"Well it was tough at first, but she loves it there and I'm always so busy with work...I've been meaning to have her visit. She misses you, you know."

"Aw, that's sweet." Lena smiled. "I wish I was that age again, when the world was an exciting mystery not filled with..."

"Crazy family members hell-bent on world domination? Yeah, me too," Sam smirked. "Want to go out for drinks after we get through this work?"

"Sure—actually, no," Lena corrected herself, thinking of Alex in her office.

Sam saw the look on Lena's face. "Because of Alex Danvers," Sam guessed. When Lena raised an eyebrow she continued. "I mean, you did call her a drunk right in front of me."

Lena clicked her tongue. "I didn't mean to, she just gets under my skin so easily."

Sam nodded. "And with good reason. She's not blind, she sees the looks you shoot her sister. She's protective."

"That is the understatement of the year. Alex Danvers is beyond protective," Lena groaned. "Still, it's admirable, how loyal she is. I just wish I could help her."

Sam put a comforting hand on Lena's arm. "You _are_ helping her. She's in your office right now and that's a sign of...I don't know, an olive branch? You were someone she turned to, even if you weren't her first choice, and that's got to count for something."

"Thanks, Sam," Lena said as something nagged at the back of her mind. "I just—hang on, did you say she was asleep?"

"No, I left before she fell asleep. She was pacing your office like a caged animal." Sam met Lena's concerned gaze. "You don't think she left, do you?"

"Maybe. No. I don't know, I was raised by Luthors so I was taught to assume the worst in people." Lena rolled up her sleeves and stood up. "Should we just...check?"

Sam stood up too; seven hundred and fifty million dollars wasn't going to help Kara's opinion of Lena if Lena lost her sister. "Just to be good friends. Maybe we should drop by, see if she needs anything?"

Lena was already out the door and Sam had to jog to catch up. "How do you walk so fast in heels?"

"I've had a lot of practice running from assassins lately," Lena quipped. She rounded the corner and stopped short at the sight of her office door, Sam almost barreling into her.

"Lena? What is it?"

"I don't want to look and see that she's gone. Can you?" Lena looked at Sam nervously. Her hands were fidgeting with the hem of her shirt that had come untucked when they'd raced down the hallway.

"Of course," Sam stepped around her friend and walked into the office.

Lena stood outside the door straining for any hint of noise from inside. "Sam?" she called after a few minutes' silence. "Sam, don't tell me she's gone—oh, there you are," she exclaimed as Sam's head popped around the door. "Is she still there?"

Sam's face was grim. "She's still there."

"Then why do you look like that?" Lena said with concern, her fingers still fidgeting with her shirt.

Sam didn't say anything for a moment, knowing Lena would blame herself. "It's just, she's...Do you remember that gift basket I sent you after your TED talk earlier this year?" she switched topics.

"Yes, I still have it in the corner of my office, why?" Lena's hands stopped moving.

"Well, they had some bottles—"

"No, no, no," Lena pushed past Same and into her office, interrupting her. "No, no no no no," she muttered to herself.

Alex was sitting in Lena's chair, her feet propped up on her desk. In her hands was an open bottle of whiskey that had come from the gift basket that lay trashed on Lena's couch. There was another bottle that was completely empty lying on the floor.

"Well, if it isn't Lena Luthor!" Alex held up the bottle in a toast. "Thanks for this, you are now my _favorite_ person." She took a swig of whiskey and closed her eyes as the burn traveled down her throat. "You have good taste in liquor, by the way."

Lena looked at Alex then back at Sam, at a loss for words. Sam blinked then stepped forwards uncertainly. "Alex? Maybe you should take a break for a minute," she said in a calming voice.

Alex stood up in a swift motion then leaned to the left and fell back into Lena's chair. "Who are you again?"

"My name is Sam. We've met, I'm a friend of your sister's."

Lena crossed her arms, finding her voice. "Remember your sister? I thought we had this talk. This kind of behavior doesn't hurt just you, Alex, it hurts her too."

Alex stood up again, this time steadying herself on Lena's desk before she could fall back. "Hurts me? This is the only thing that makes me feel better." She waved the bottle at Lena, spilling some on herself in the process.

"Feeling nothing is not the same as feeling better," Sam said quietly. She took a step towards Alex, her hands out in front of her.

"Oh yeah? What do you know about it?"

Ignoring Lena's warning glance, Sam took anther step forward. "I've been through this, okay? There was a period where I didn't—when I thought that everything was horrible and everything hurt. I thought that feeling nothing was better than feeling all that pain, all that anger. And for a while, it was. But nothing lasts forever, Alex. It might seem like a good thing right now, but trust me, it won't end well."

Alex looked at Sam with skepticism plain on her face. "Are you trying to relate to me with your dark past as an alcoholic? Because I'm not an alcoholic."

Sam looked back at Lena, who gave her an encouraging smile. "No, but I was addicted to something for a long time. But I got help, I leaned on my friends, and you can do the same."

Trying to focus her eyes on Sam was getting harder and Alex frowned. "I'm just dealing with some shit, okay? Something you couldn't even begin to understand. And afterward, I'll stop drinking. It always happens like this." Alex stumbled again and leaned on the desk.

"Maybe that's a sign that you should stop, Alex. Quit while you're ahead." Sam moved slowly until she was at Alex's side, afraid to scare her. She felt that the right way to treat Alex in this situation was like a scared animal, which she was. Remembering when Lena had come bursting into her college dorm and intervened with her benzo addiction, she took a deep breath and put her hand on Alex's arm.

"Get off me," Alex shoved Sam away and the other woman lost her balance, falling to the floor. Alex sat down heavily. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"

"You're done," Lena snapped as she hurried to where Sam was sitting up. "Sam, are you alright?"

Sam rubbed her elbow with a rueful smile. "I'll be fine. See, this is why I hate wearing heels," she said with an accusatory look at her shoes.

"I don't make you wear them you know," Lena said. As she was helping Sam up she heard the office door opening. "Alex, don't go anywhere," she said in a firm tone.

Sam's eyes had widened. "It's not Alex," she whispered to Lena.

Lena whipped her head around. A hooded figure clad in black stood in the entrance way. Letting out a nervous breath, Lena addressed the figure. "Are you the guard Supergirl sent? She didn't tell me what time you were coming, sorry I left earlier." She tried to quiet the feeling she had that something was wrong, but then someone else walked in behind the figure and her blood froze.

"Mother." Lena lifted her chin defiantly. "What are you doing here?"

"Supergirl sent that little security team?" Lillian Luthor ignored her daughter's question. "Only six people to stop me. Pity, they seem to have all died rather suddenly in a car crash down the street." She waved to someone outside the room that Lena couldn't see and five more darkly clad figures filed into the room. "I brought my own...security detail, as it were. And it seems your building's been cleared out. I guess something scared your employees away."

"So once again, you terrorized and killed innocent people to get what you want. This is why we never got along," Lena hissed.

"We never got along because you never gave me a chance, dear." Lillian gave Lena a sickly sweet smile, baring her teeth.

Sam stepped in front of Lena. "What do you want?" she said harshly. She could hear Alex moving behind her but didn't take her gaze off of Lillian.

Lillian turned away from Lena and looked Sam up and down. "Ah, Samantha Arias. You're the old college friend my daughter just hired."

"Keeping tabs on me, mother?" Lena said with a frosty glare.

"Just making sure you aren't getting into trouble. Speaking of which, I've run into a bit of it myself and I need your help. I came to talk, Lena."

"Bringing along six people for a one-on-one chat seems a little excessive," Alex spoke up.

Lillian narrowed her eyes. "I recognize you. What are you calling yourself now, FBI? Police? Drunk?" She sneered the last word, seeing Alex take a wobbly step towards her.

"I don't want to talk, mother."

"Then you should probably just come with us," Lillian folded her arms behind her back, her trench coat rustling.

"I won't be doing that. You can see yourself out or I'll call security."

Lillian sighed. "I thought you might say that. Boys?" Lillian looked at the five men around her. They advanced on Lena, but Sam stood her ground.

"I think it's absurd that she thinks she can just come in here and talk to you like that." Sam crossed her arms as the men got within a foot of her. The one in front looked back at Lena's mother as if waiting for a command. At Lillians nod, he slammed his elbow up and into Sam's temple as quick as lightning, sending her sliding across the floor where she fetched up against Lena's cabinets and didn't move.

"Sam!" Lena cried out, backing away from the men. "Mother, stop this." One of the men was close enough to reach out and grab her arm, and he tried to do so, but Alex somehow got there first. Stumbling back into her desk, Lena saw that even as drunk as she was, Alex Danvers was a formidable opponent. Her fist came down on the man's outstretched arm and the crack resonated clearly for half a second before she kneed him in the groin and he slumped to the ground. The next man attacked her even as his friend was falling, but Alex had already brought up her arms to block his fist. As she ducked and weaved between the attacks, she brought the mostly-empty bottle in her hand up and smashed it against his head, knocking him to the floor. Liquor spilled over Lena's tiles and the smell of alcohol hit her, but Alex was already fighting the third attacker. He landed a punch on her ribs and she let out an angry yell, wielding the broken bottle like a weapon. It cut a deadly arc through the air and seemed to Lena to move in slow motion as Alex slashed downwards at his face and he fell back clutching his eye, blood leaking from between his fingers. The remaining two men backed up nervously and Lena saw that the first man to walk in had stayed at her mother's side. Alex was breathing heavily and as the flow of adrenaline ebbed her eyes clouded and she swayed on her feet.

"Get her," Lillian said to the last two, seeing Alex lose her focus. They hesitated before lunging for her, and justifiably so because she lashed out with the bottle, ducking under the arm of one of the men and slamming it into his gut. He howled in pain and doubled over, the bottle falling to the floor with blood on the jagged edges. As he went down he whipped his leg around and caught Alex off guard and the last man tackled her. They wrestled on the floor for a few minutes, and Lena inched towards the safe that held Alex's gun with a worried glance at Sam. Sam hadn't moved, but she was breathing.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Lillian said, noticing Lena's movements. The man had gotten Alex in a chokehold and as he dragged her to her feet he twisted her arm behind her back painfully enough that Alex let out a yell. Lena tried to meet her eyes but Alex's kept darting around, unable to focus on anything but the pain in her shoulder. It didn't help that she was too drunk to execute her usual evasive maneuvers, and as the man pressed on her arm she hit the ground heavily, her knees slamming into the floor.

"Stop. Stop!" Lena said in a loud voice. "You wanted to talk, let's talk."

"It's a little too late for that now." Lillian eyed Alex's panting form curled on the ground. "And your friend doesn't seem to want to talk." She motioned to the four men Alex had taken down who were slowly getting up, holding their injured body parts close to their torso. "It was a valiant effort."

"If I wasn't so wasted," Alex spit out with a glare, "I would have killed all of them and then snapped your neck."

Lillian sighed. "Your dedication is admirable, I'll give you that." She nodded at the man beside her and he walked over to kneel down in front of Alex. When he pulled his hood back, Lena saw that his skin was completely blue, and for a moment all she could think about were the creatures from the movie _Avatar_ until she saw something under the skin of his forehead start to move. Fighting the urge to grimace, Lena turned to her mother who was whispering something to the men.

They surrounded Lena in a loose circle and she shrunk back from their menacing stares. "What are you doing? What is this?" No one answered her and she looked back at Alex. "Alex?" she fought her rising panic. "What's happening?"

"She can't hear you," Lillian said smugly. "That's a telepath. He's taken over her mind. Let her go," she said to the man holding Alex's arm. He stood back cautiously, but all Alex did was slowly stand up, no trace of her earlier drunkenness evident in her smooth movements. He moved to join his colleagues around Lena.

"Alex?" Lena said hesitantly. When she met the older Danvers' gaze, she shuddered. Alex's eyes looked dead and empty, and reminded Lena of eyes she had seen on corpses. "What did you do to her?" Lena turned to her mother angrily.

"Nothing, yet." Lillian nodded at the blue man again and he stepped behind Alex, wrapping his fingers around her throat. He started to squeeze as Lena looked on in horror.

"I need you to help me re-engineer the Medusa virus," Lillian said over Alex's gasping noises. Lena saw with alarm that Alex wasn't fighting back, her arms were hanging limply at her sides.

"Let her go!" Lena said desperately. She tried to get to Alex but a wall of muscle stopped her, the men surrounding her moved into a tighter formation to keep her imprisoned. "Let her go and we'll talk!"

"Oh, but this way is much more fun, and we're already talking." She nodded at the blue man again and he squeezed harder, forcing horrible choking noises from Alex's throat. "I need you to develop the virus into something bigger, something better." Lillian smiled. "Now's your chance to use that big brain of yours and prove to me that you really are a Luthor."

Lena looked at Alex, flinching every time she let out a strangled noise. Her face was turning red and her chest heaved in the effort to take in a breath, but she still hadn't made a move to save herself. A vein throbbed in her neck and Lena turned away. "Let her go."

"Come with me and I will," Lillian said calmly.

"You're insane. You've gone mad, just like Lex did." Lena glanced at Sam's unmoving body, then back at Alex whose gasps had gotten quieter and whose eyes had started to close. Lena shut her own eyes tightly praying that Supergirl, or anyone for that matter, would show up. Knowing she didn't have much time before Alex was strangled to death, she opened her eyes to see her mother waiting for her to say something. "Fine. Fine! I'll go with you, I'll go just let her live!" Lena pleaded.

"I'm glad we could come to a compromise," Lillian smiled widely and the blue man released Alex, who dropped to the ground in an unmoving heap. He put two fingers to his temple and closed his eyes, the thing underneath his skin starting to writhe again, and a moment later Alex began to cough violently. "I've released her. Now come with me." She held a hand out to her daughter and the men around her stepped back, leaving the path to her mother open.

Lena looked at the ground then slowly walked over, her heart aching; she couldn't believe that she had almost gotten Kara's sister killed, couldn't believe that only a few hours ago she was thinking about budgets and paperwork. Ignoring Lillian's hand she stared straight ahead, her face impassive but her eyes burning with unshed tears of frustration.

"No," came a raspy voice from behind her and she recognized Alex's slur. Her heart ached again, realizing that if she went with her mother she couldn't help Alex, couldn't help Kara. "Don't, Lena. You can't go with her."

Lillian sneered as Lena turned to look at Alex who was on her hands and knees. "Don't say a word or I'll kill her here in your office. I mean it. Not to mention your other friend over there, so glad you could join us!" she said to Sam who was sitting up slowly and pressing a hand to the side of her head.

"Lena?" Sam sounded bewildered. "What are you doing?"

"Lena here is coming with me," Lillian said proudly, putting a hand on her daughter's shoulder. When Lena shook it off, Lillian shot her a warning glance.

"Don't do it. Don't sacrifice yourself for me, or Kara, or whoever you think you're doing this for." Alex coughed and it wracked her body. "Just let them kill me instead."

Lena clenched her jaw and glared at her mother.

"I'm sure Lena has realized by now that after we killed you, we'd just take her with us anyway. Maybe if you weren't so busy getting stuck at the bottom of a bottle, you'd realize that too."

"Lena," Sam said softly. She had stood up and walked over to where Alex was kneeling. "Think about this."

Lena bit her lip and tried to keep her emotions in check. Looking at Sam standing over Alex, she reminded herself of the friends she was trying to save. "Tell Kara I'm sorry," she said in a pained voice.

Lillian frowned. "I thought I told you not to speak?" She whipped out a police baton and slammed it into the side of Lena's face, sending her to the ground with a gasp. Alex sucked in a breath and Sam flinched as Lillian held up the baton. "I warned her. At least I got to use this," Lillian gloated. "Took it off the corpse of a policeman. It's a nice one." She nodded to the men and one of them picked up Lena's unconscious body, slinging it over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Sam took a step as though to follow her, but Lillian held up a hand. "That is not a wise idea, Samantha. I'm sure your daughter would agree." Sam froze. "The daughter you sent away to boarding school, what's her name? Ruby? Such a pretty name, it would be a shame if anything happened to her."

"If you touch her, I swear to god I will kill you," Sam threatened. Alex shot a surprised glance at Sam, registering the sudden fire in her voice at the mention of her daughter.

Lillian watched the men leave with Lena then smiled at Sam. "Have fun running L-Corp, seeing as my daughter has taken an unexpected vacation. If you try to come after us, well...which boarding school is Ruby at? I'm sure I've donated to it over the years and I'd love to pay a visit and see what my money is going to."

"You're sick," Sam whispered.

Alex stood shakily, leaning her hands on her knees. "You won't get away with this," she said hoarsely.

Lillian smiled. "Even if you tried to come after me, where I'm taking her, you'd never find Lena. So you can go ahead and try but for Ruby's sake I hope you don't." She tapped the doorframe twice then left with a smirk.

They listened to Lillian Luthor's footsteps fade away down the hall and when they couldn't hear them anymore Alex fell back down. "I could've taken those guys if Lena hadn't locked away my gun," she grumbled moodily, pulling out her phone.

"Now is not the time to point fingers," Sam said. "And she only had to take it away because _you_ got yourself in trouble. Who are you calling?" she asked in annoyance as Alex ignored her.

"My work. Lena Luthor just got kidnapped." Alex held the phone to her ear, already ringing Kara. "How's your head?" she nodded at Sam.

Sam knelt down and snatched the phone out of her hands and hung up the call. "Are you crazy?"

Alex looked at her in astonishment. "Are _you_ crazy? That evil bitch just kidnapped Lena, what do you suggest we do?"

"I know that," Sam practically yelled. She ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath. "I know that, and I want her rescued as much as you do. Maybe more. But she threatened my daughter's life, and I, for one, don't want to see if Lillian Luthor has a good poker face."

"Crap." Alex sat back on her heels. She tried to think of a plan, but her mind was too hazy and she couldn't focus. Throwing caution to the wind, she glanced at Sam's distraught expression. "I know Supergirl."

"Right. She's friends with your sister or something." Sam rubbed her temples. "How does that help us?"

"No, I mean I _know_ her. I work with her. We're close. I could ask her to go get your daughter from her boarding school and bring her to where I work."

"Why would she do that for you? I thought you were just an FBI agent." Sam was confused.

 _Ah, shit,_ Alex realized. _There's so much more to explain than I thought._ "Right. I maybe might have lied about that." She looked at Sam with blurry eyes. "I work for a secret government organization called the DEO. We deal with extra-normative crimes and—"

"Are you saying you work with Supergirl?" Sam was trying to keep up. "So you aren't an FBI agent?"

"Agent, yes. FBI, no," Alex clarified. "I could ask Supergirl for a favor though. She flies. It'll be fast." Alex's breath caught. Her body had recovered from being starved of oxygen but she was starting to feel punches she didn't even know she'd received in the heat of the fight.

Sam frowned. "Is your girlfriend a DEO agent too?"

"Maggie? Oh, no," Alex laughed. "She knows about the DEO, but she's just a regular cop. Speaking of which, she is going to kill me." Alex took her phone back from Sam and scrolled through her missed calls, whistling when she saw twelve from Maggie and nine from Kara.

"So Supergirl just...does favors around the office? Fixes printers, makes coffee, picks up kids with death threats on their heads?" Sam didn't understand Alex's plan.

"Ha. I wish she made coffee." Alex hesitated for so long that Sam looked at her with concern.

"Alex? Alex, I know you're still pretty drunk but you have to tell me what your plan is—I'm freaking out here."

Alex shook her head and looked around at Lena's trashed apartment, seeing the broken bottle on the floor. "Kara is going to _kill_ me," she muttered before looking back at Sam.

"Why are you so convinced that Supergirl will help us?"

"Because helping people is what she does best." Alex sucked in a breath. "And because she's my sister."

* * *

A/N: if anyone catches any typos or consistency issues just let me know cause i'm trying to avoid those, thx (:


	11. 11) Sam's Past

"You've reached Alex Danvers. I'm either busy or I don't want to talk to you. Leave a message."

"Alex, you better have a really good reason for not answering my calls and leaving the station, a _really_ _good reason_ that doesn't involve any type of alcohol or fight or stupid excuse," Maggie said in an angry voice as she left a thirteenth voicemail for her girlfriend. She shoved her phone in her pocket and turned back to J'onn. "Where was I?" They were sitting on the floor of the empty training room; M'gann had also recovered but was still in the med-bay with Winn.

"We were talking about the DEO agents that were found dead en route to L-Corp." J'onn winced and put his hand to his head.

"Are you sure you're okay? You only woke up thirty minutes ago." Maggie was concerned. The first thing J'onn had done was hold a debriefing about the crash involving the DEO security detail and the attack on the Syvillians, then he'd immediately hunted her down. When he found her, she was just getting to the DEO from the scene of the accident outside Lena's building. "Kara didn't have any pain when she woke up."

"I'm fine. Martians are a psychic race, so the virus must have affected me differently. It was engineered to affect me differently, in fact, which is why we have to find Lillian Luthor. Has Winn told you what they've found out?"

"Not yet, I haven't been to see him. Come to think of it, I haven't seen Kara either, since this morning. She told me to come here a few hours ago but I got dispatched to the crash scene and just made it back and she never met up with me. And on top of that, Alex has disappeared again."

"Well from what Winn told me the strain of virus that Cadmus has in their possession is weakened, and not enough to wipe out all the aliens in National City at once. But with a sample of alien DNA, the virus can be altered to target all the members of a specific species. I don't know how she got her hands on Martian DNA, but it explains the attack on the Syvillians this morning. Apparently they collapsed all over the city."

"Great. Where's Kara? Now I'm worrying about her even more."

"Don't worry about me, I'm indestructible," Kara's voice came from the doorway. "Hey Maggie. Where's Alex, I've left her so many messages and—J'onn!" Kara's eyes flew open. "You're up and walking and talking and—how's M'gann?"

"She's fine, thanks to you. Winn explained the effects of the Medusa virus to us, and she's going to stay here for a couple hours. Winn also told me you stopped an attack at the stadium downtown?"

"Not exactly." Kara walked over and stood over them. "When I got there, all but one of the policemen had disappeared. It was bad, he was being controlled by Cadmus somehow and he tried to shoot himself..."

J'onn's face was set in concentration. "He didn't do it, did he." It wasn't a question, he knew the powers and limitations of telepathy better than anyone.

Kara shook her head. "No. Afterwards, it seemed to break whatever hold there was over him. I interrogated him here at the DEO and he's still in a room down the hall. Speaking of which, I'll need you to mind wipe him."

J'onn nodded. "That won't be a problem. What did he tell you?"

"He said that he thought he saw Lillian Luthor and a man with blue skin, and then he couldn't remember anything but waiting for me and watching the other officers drive away. He gave me a message, 'Leave us alone, or more will suffer. More will die.' It has to be Lillian, she doesn't want us trying to stop her." Kara looked between J'onn and Maggie. "Why do you guys look like that?" she said, noticing their somber expressions.

"Maggie was just about to tell me about the crime scene she just came from," J'onn said with a pointed look at Maggie. "But we should have Winn search the database for telepaths with blue skin."

"Crime scene? What happened?" Kara turned to look at Maggie too. "I didn't hear about it, it must have happened when I was talking to the officer. Did Lillian Luthor attack someone else?"

Maggie slowly nodded. "You could say that. Um, you might want to sit down." As Kara joined them on the ground and crossed her legs, Maggie cleared her throat. "There was a crash involving some DEO agents near Lena's building."

Kara's eyes widened. "No," she whispered as Maggie reached a comforting arm out to her.

"The crash isn't what killed them. When I got there, all their necks had been broken and the medical examiner said that the burns from the gasoline fire happened after they were dead. The crash didn't kill them," Maggie repeated, taking her hand off Kara's knee and reaching into her pocket. "I did find this though," she said pulling out the psychic dampener. "I guess she either didn't see it or left it behind on purpose."

Any hope that it wasn't her fault was obliterated when Kara saw the object in Maggie's hands. "I did this," she said quietly as tears spilled down her face.

J'onn reached out and took the device from Maggie. "A psychic dampener? That's strange, but this isn't your fault Supergirl."

Seeing Maggie take a breath to agree with J'onn, Kara stood up. "No, it is my fault. They were only going there because I told them to watch Lena. I sent that with them as a precaution," she said pointing at the device. "They're all dead because of me. It's my fault."

"It is _not your fault,_ " Maggie said forcefully, standing up next to Kara. "Lillian Luthor is a murderous psychopath. That is in no way your fault."

Kara's hands were shaking and she curled them into fists. "There are six people who are dead because of something I did. Six families who are in pain because I _knowingly_ sent their loved ones into harm's way."

"Sit down, Kara," Maggie said rubbing Kara's back soothingly. "You can't blame yourself for that," she said as Kara slowly sank to the ground and closed her eyes.

"These are the choices a leader has to make," J'onn said in a quiet voice. "No one ever said it would be easy, and no one ever said you wouldn't blame yourself. I know I do. But you have to move past it, you have to keep the end goal in mind. Your sister would agree with me."

Kara's eyes snapped open and she turned to Maggie, momentarily distracted. "Alex. Have you talked to Alex?"

Maggie glanced down and pulled out her phone. "No, still nothing." She let out a sigh and put it on the ground in front of her, staring at it and waiting for it to ring.

"What's happened now?" J'onn asked looking worried.

"We threw her in a holding cell last night but now she's gone," Maggie said running an exasperated hand through her hair. "It's such an uphill battle with her."

"Hmm," J'onn's brow furrowed. "Knowing Alex, a cell would be the last place she would want to spend the night. She's already seen the inside of one far too many times to count."

"What? My sister's never been arrested." Kara turned to J'onn with a puzzled look on her face, her tears still drying in tracks down her cheeks. "Has she?" she said with less confidence, her brow furrowing as J'onn tilted his head.

"The first time I met Alex, she was in a cell. Not to mention the misdemeanors she wracked up in college."

"For what? She doesn't have a record, does she?" Maggie's voice was uncertain. "I mean, I know she had a drinking problem back then but I didn't see anything notable besides a speeding ticket when I looked into it. Do you have some fancy redacted DEO records I don't know about?"

"You could say that. It was mostly minor infractions but there were still quite a few misdemeanors for public intoxication. She had more than a few speeding tickets and the night I met her she'd been pulled over for driving under the influence. After she joined the DEO we cleared her record; we didn't want anyone to be able to track her, and since she joined she hasn't had any trouble with the law," J'onn explained with a shrug.

"I thought it wasn't against the law to be drunk in public?" Kara was confused.

Maggie crossed her arms. "They changed the law a couple years ago, but it was still in place when your sister was in college." She glared at her phone as though Alex could hear her disapproval from wherever she was.

J'onn nodded. "It doesn't really matter, though. You said she's not at the station anymore?"

"Yeah," Maggie frowned. "A friend of mine at the station looked through the surveillance tapes and told me she left when he went out for coffee. I've tried calling her a ton of times but it always went to voicemail."

"And I've been so busy I haven't had time until now to look," Kara put in. "I can go scour the city and search for her, I'll check the bars first," she said, the words leaving a sour taste in her mouth.

"I can try to track her psychically, it might be faster. Give me a moment." Maggie and Kara watched as J'onn closed his eyes, putting a hand to his temple. His eyes glowed red for several minutes until he blinked and they returned to normal. "That's strange," he said with a confused look on his face.

"What, where is she?" Kara leaned closer to J'onn.

"Well the good news is she isn't at a bar. I think she's at the L-Corp building with someone, but it isn't Lena Luthor. In fact...I can't sense Lena's mind anywhere in the city." J'onn closed his eyes again. "It's almost as though she has a mental block or there's someone shielding her mind from me.

"Why is my sister at L-Corp?" Kara tried to remember if Alex had ever mentioned being friends with Lena, but as far as she knew they had never been on the best of terms.

"And why can't I sense Lena Luthor with her?" J'onn asked as Maggie picked up her phone with the intention of calling Alex again. Kara shook her head.

"What?" Maggie stopped with her finger hovering above the 'call' button.

"I'll just fly us there. If she hasn't answered twenty calls, she isn't going to answer the twenty-first. J'onn, let me know if you find anything else on Lillian Luthor or if anything happens?"

"You'll be the first to know," he said. "And could you look into this Lena Luthor thing for me? I know your sister is your top priority, but I'm curious as to why I can't sense her anywhere."

"Of course," Kara said quickly, "I care about Lena too." As J'onn stood up and left the room, Kara looked over at Maggie. "Had enough of the Danvers sisters yet?" she asked, getting to her feet. She held out a hand to Maggie and her friend took it with a groan, dusting off her pants.

"I swear, you two will be the death of me. Chasing you both down is next to impossible, and only one of you can actually fly."

* * *

Kara and Maggie sped past the crash on Lena's street and landed on the balcony outside her office. As Maggie peered in through the glass, Kara hurried to edge of the balcony and looked over the side. Maggie didn't comment when Kara's face darkened at the sight of the accident and she turned her attention back to her examination of the office. Clearly there had been a fight earlier but now it was and empty wreck; there were papers on the floor, trails of blood and what looked like a gift basket upended by the couch.

"Looks safe enough," Maggie said stepping into the office. Turning back she saw that Kara had remained frozen at the balcony, her hands gripping the concrete edge hard enough to cause it to crack under the pressure. She walked back out and put a hand on Kara's shoulder. "It's not your fault," she said again. "Come on. Let's find Alex." She slowly guided Kara into the office and looked around. An unpleasant but all-too-familiar smell hit her and she glanced around for the source, a puddle of amber liquid in the middle of the floor. She tentatively stepped closer. "That's..."

"Alcohol," Kara growled. "I guess that means my sister's here." She glared at the puddle and strained her ears for any sign of Alex. When she heard her muffled voice followed by two different heartbeats in her ears, she looked through the walls. "She's down that way, talking to Sam. That must be the other mind J'onn sensed," she said pointing to the hallway. She listened attentively again. "That's weird, it sounds like she's telling her about all the aliens Supergirl has fought."

"Wait. There's a broken bottle here with blood on it," Maggie's face paled as she followed one of the blood trails across the floor. "It's not Alex's, is it?"

Kara walked over and studied the broken glass. The blood on the edges was fresh, but it didn't seem like a large amount. "Maybe she fell on her own bottle," Kara supplied unhelpfully. "I can't tell. Only one way to find out," she said as she stormed for the door. Maggie noticed with alarm that her eyes were glowing and followed quickly.

"Hey, Kara, wait! I know you're mad and upset, but just calm down for a second." Maggie ran to grab her arm.

"Calm down? Alex is probably drunk, _again_ , and now Lena is missing. If those two things have any connection, by Rao I swear I'll—"

"What? Kill your sister? Just take a breath before you go charging in there. We don't know Lena is missing, she could be hiding out somewhere and shielding her mind, J'onn said so himself. If the DEO can develop a psychic dampener then I'm sure the genius head of L-Corp can too." Maggie said matter-of-factly.

"I know I'm assuming the worst, but you don't understand—" Kara shook off Maggie's hand and slammed a fist into Lena's office door causing it to crack all the way down to the floor.

"I do, I do understand. I'd be assuming the worst about Alex if I didn't know for sure that she was in this building. I'm still assuming the worst because there is enough blood here to scare me and I haven't laid eyes on her yet. But she's my girlfriend, and she's having a rough time, and I know, I _know_ the best way to handle this situation can't be to go in guns blazing." Maggie looked Kara steadily in the eyes and noted with alarm that they were brighter than before. "Kara, listen to me."

With a yell, Kara turned to glare at Lena's couch and heat vision shot out of her eyes leaving a smoking crater in the middle of the cushions.

"Hey. Look at me. One step at a time, alright? And right now we know that Alex is fine, we found her. She is right outside that door." Maggie stepped in front of Kara and tried to catch her attention. When Kara stared stubbornly at the ground she put both hands on the sides of Kara's face and forced her to look her in the eye. "Everything is going to be fine," she said soothingly, trying to cover up the fact that she was freaked out by Kara's glowing eyes. "Close your eyes, Kara."

Kara shut her eyes tightly and Maggie watched as she tried to get her emotions under control. She could see the veins around her eyes glowing under the skin as though someone was shining a light from inside, and brushed the hair out of Kara's face. Clenching her jaw, Kara's eyebrows knit together and her breath came in heavy gasps for what seemed like ages until Maggie saw the light start to die down. "Good, that's good. Take a deep breath. I know everything looks bad right now, but I promise you we will find Lena. We will stop Lillian Luthor. And afterwards, we can have a movie night." Maggie smiled tentatively.

"I'd like that," Kara said in a weak voice. "I'm sorry. I know you must want to see Alex, we can go now." She opened her eyes slowly and Maggie saw with relief that they had returned to their normal shade of greyish-blue.

Maggie lowered her hands. "I do. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you. I know firsthand how it feels to see someone you love struggling. We're in the same boat, Little Danvers," Maggie sighed. "Better now?"

"Better," Kara said with a grateful smile.

* * *

Alex had taken Sam to the conference room Lena had been in earlier to explain her life story. She had swiped a bottle of water from Lena's destroyed office and sipped it, trying to chase away the taste of whiskey in her mouth. Her ribs were still sore from the fight earlier but she suspected they were only bruised, not broken. By the time she finished, Sam's jaw was on the floor.

"So you're telling me that your sister is Supergirl."

"I know it's a lot to take in, but—"

Sam laughed. "That's not why I'm shocked. It's almost painfully obvious just by looking at her," she said. "I'm shocked because the smartest person I know hasn't figured it out yet."

"But if you just—wait, what? You knew? When did you see Supergirl?'

"When she made a personal visit to Lena Luthor. I tried playing along for Lena's sake but I'm glad you told me. I don't know how you do it," Sam picked up her phone. "So should I call your sister or do you want to? And who wants to tell her that Lena Luthor is too in love with her to realize that she's the one flying around in that cape?'

Alex smirked. "You're awfully observant for a finance geek."

Sam started to crack up but was cut off by Alex putting her hand over her mouth. A yell echoed down the hallway followed by rapid, hushed voices. "Someone's here," Alex whispered. She stood up on unsteady legs, her ribs protesting painfully, and fumbled for her gun before letting out a soft groan. "When we find Lena I'm going to kick her ass for taking my gun."

"What's your plan?" Sam hissed. "Those guys almost killed you last time, you don't stand a chance." She pointed to Alex's neck for emphasis, there were angry red marks from where she had been nearly strangled.

"Just because you got yourself knocked out before you could see me being a badass doesn't mean I'm useless," Alex hissed back. "I'm a trained federal agent, don't forget."

"You're also still wasted, don't forget, so I think my anxiety here is justified." Sam raised an eyebrow, not convinced by Alex's clumsy movements.

"I am not _wasted_ ," Alex said in an irritated tone. "Most of that second bottle spilled on the floor during the fight. I didn't drink that much." She wobbled as she pressed her ear to the door and listened for signs of life. "Okay, I drank that much," she admitted. "But it's wearing off. You can apologize to me after I save your life." She motioned for Sam to hide under the table and leaned her back against the wall next to the door.

Footsteps were approaching the room they were hiding in. "Hang on," a muffled voice came from behind the door. Alex thought it sounded familiar but Sam was right, she was drunk, and she wasn't about to leave their lives in the hands of her potentially misguided senses.

"...go first...think they know?" another voice said so quietly that Alex could barely make out the words. The door knob turned and Alex's body tensed; the watered-down taste of whiskey in her mouth was replaced by the tang of metal and she forgot about her drunkenness as the cold sensation of battle descended over her, numbing her aching body. As the door swung outward Alex followed it, smashing her knee out and up, aiming for the perfect place to drop a grown man with one hit. Instead of the satisfactory jarring of her knee striking its target, she was met with soft flesh and very little resistance as her knee slammed into Maggie's stomach.

Maggie crashed into Kara, reeling back from the unexpected attack. She landed on Kara's legs as they fell to the floor, one of her hands going up to shield her face from another hit as the other clutched at her abdomen.

"Maggie!" Alex exclaimed in surprise when she was greeted by the sight of her girlfriend lying on her sister. "Oh my god, I thought you were someone else!" She covered her mouth with her hands, horrified.

"Yeah, no kidding," Maggie grunted as Kara helped her up. "I guess we should have knocked."

"What—what're you two doing here?" Alex got out, still shocked to see them. "Are you okay?" she said in dismay as Maggie hunched over with a grimace.

"If you can break a kidney then that's what just happened to me, but I'll be fine. You might not be, though," Maggie said eyeing Kara. "I had to talk her down from coming to kill you."

"Much appreciated," Alex said before smiling nervously. "Um, there's something I should probably mention." She turned to see Sam crawling out from her hiding place.

"Supergirl mentioned you were with someone," Maggie said with a look at Kara.

"Ms. Arias," Supergirl nodded at the brunette.

Sam straightened her skirt before looking up. "Hey Kara," she said in an off-handed tone. "Can you do me a favor?"

* * *

"So Lillian Luthor kidnapped Lena. Again," Kara said angrily. Alex had just finished describing what had happened, leaving out the part about her being drunk and Lena's coming to get her from the station. Sam had piped in occasionally to add details Alex forgot but thankfully didn't say anything about her drinking and Alex was just thinking that she didn't have to mention it at all when Kara dashed her hopes to the ground.

"You said there were five of them?" Kara advanced on her sister. She was thinking about Lena and how she must be feeling; Supergirl had told her she would send protection but it had never arrived and now she had been taken. Thinking of the DEO agents again, Kara closed her eyes.

"She did her best, Kara," Maggie said from Alex's side. "There was a telepathic alien on the other team. Be reasonable." Her stomach was still sore but she ignored it and wrapped an arm around Alex's waist. "You already have bruises forming," she said disapprovingly as she inspected Alex's neck, her fingers trailing lightly across the skin. The outline of a hand was stark against her throat and Alex swallowed uncomfortably.

"No, she didn't. That wasn't her best. I've seen her take on twice as many aliens with her stupid space gun. Where was it? Why couldn't you beat them?" Kara glared at Alex menacingly and her sister took a step back, twisting out of Maggie's arm but keeping their hands interlocked. She didn't want to leave Maggie's side but she also knew it wouldn't be fair to put her girlfriend between her and her sister. A part of Kara knew that seeing her sister shrink back from her in genuine fear was wrong, but the part of her that was worried for Lena drowned everything else out. She took a step forward and Alex stumbled back again, her hand slipping out of Maggie's and her ungainly movements not going unnoticed by her sister's eagle-like stare. "It's because you're drunk, aren't you," Kara said bitterly. Alex's guilty face confirmed what she already suspected and she turned to Sam, unable to look at her sister any longer. "I'll go get your daughter, Ms. Arias. Don't worry."

Sam smiled apprehensively. "I think you can just call me Sam," she said in an attempt to lighten the mood. "And after all the burgers I've bought you, I'll just call you Kara."

Kara smiled tensely and tried to ignore Maggie comforting Alex in her peripheral vision. "Of course. Just be careful when you're around people who don't know who I am."

"Well who _does_ know?" Sam said raising an eyebrow.

"You, Maggie, my family, the DEO, my friends Winn and James, I'm pretty sure Cat Grant knows..." Kara kicked at a chair and sent it flying across the room where it knocked over two more chairs before rattling to a stop. "Oops."

"So basically everyone close to you except Lena," Sam said biting the inside of her cheek to keep herself from smiling. There was nothing light-hearted about the situation.

"Yup," Kara said morosely. "And now she may never know."

"Hey, no, none of that," Maggie walked over as Sam's face grew dark. "We will find Lena; you go get Ruby and we'll start looking right now. I'll just take this one home," she jerked her chin back at Alex, "then Sam and I will head over to the DEO."

"Uh, someone should probably tell J'onn before you guys show up since he's technically the only one who can give Sam the security clearance—"

"You can tell him yourself," Kara cut her sister short. "Since you let Lena get kidnapped from right under your nose, you're the next most qualified person to work on an antidote to the Medusa virus. Congratulations. That's what I had Lena working on while you were screwing around and getting into fights. This time, try to stay sober while you're working on something that could save thousands of people instead of pulling a disappearing act and drinking away your problems."

"She wasn't drinking," Sam came to Alex's defense. "It's our fault, mine and Lena's." Not seeing Alex shaking her head she steamrolled on. "When Alex called us from the police station and we went to get her, she was completely sober. Lena and I forgot that there was whiskey in her office when we left to get some work done. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, it's not your fault my sister can't control herself around a bottle," Kara said narrowing her eyes. "But I guess now I know why I got a call earlier saying she was gone from her cell."

"Look, I know what she's going through. I've been through it," Sam explained as Alex stood behind her awkwardly. Maggie shoved her hands in her pockets and stared at the ground as Sam continued. "Addiction is...it's a disease. It's almost impossible to fight on your own, and it takes your control from you. I'm sure Lena's told you the same thing. All I'm saying is, don't blame her too much," Sam finished with a warm smile at Alex.

"I said the same thing to myself the first time Alex drank herself into the hospital. And the second time. You say something enough times and it loses its meaning." Kara's voice was emotionless and she turned to leave, telling herself that she didn't see the tears glistening in her sister's eyes. "Keep Lena's disappearance quiet for now. I'm going to bring your daughter to the DEO." She vanished out of the conference room and left Maggie, Sam and Alex staring at the doorway.

"So," Maggie started awkwardly after a long pause. "J'onn's awake."

Alex looked at her in confusion. "Awake from what?"

Maggie looked at her in disbelief for a moment before remembering that Alex had no idea what had happened. "He and M'gann collapsed this morning. From the Medusa virus—Lillian attacked again."

Alex's brow knit in concentration as she processed this information. "Martians? She must be targeting them by species...which I would've known if you hadn't arrested me," she said glaring at Maggie in annoyance.

Maggie pursed her lips. "You didn't really give me much of a choice, babe."

"If you're telling me your absolute last resort was to throw me in jail then you're delusional." Alex's voice grew louder. "Maybe you could've tried talking to me for a change instead of making decisions without me!"

"We did try talking, and you threw me out of your apartment! Or do you not remember because you were drunk? I was just trying to help, Alex," Maggie defended herself.

"Trying to help yourself, maybe." Maggie could sense Alex's anger wasn't really directed at her but it was hard to believe when her girlfriend was accusing her like this.

"Maybe we should all sit down." Sam stepped between the fighting women. "Let's just...talk about this for a second. This _is_ a conference room and there are plenty of empty chairs." She looked at Maggie who let out a breath and nodded.

"She's right. We should have a serious conversation about this," she said looking to Alex.

Despite knowing she was still buzzed and taking things the wrong way, Alex couldn't help but feel betrayed. Kara had pretty much said it was her fault Lena had been kidnapped, and even though she already felt that way it hurt to hear her sister say it out loud. She shook her head. "You know what, forget it. I'm going to the DEO, I have to go save _thousands_ of people," she said, mocking Kara's earlier words. "I'll see you there." Ignoring Sam, she brushed past Maggie and left the room after her sister.

As Maggie watched her leave with a crestfallen expression, Sam sucked in a breath. "I have no idea how she plans to get to a top-secret facility when we had to go pick her up from jail, but whatever."

Maggie let out a stressed laugh. "She never thinks things through. It's one of the things I love about her but god damn, it can be frustrating." She sat down heavily in the chair closest to her. "I remember you. You were at brunch with Kara and Lena. I'm Maggie Sawyer."

Sam sat down next to her. "Sam Arias, I'm Lena's new CFO. And I guess I'm running L-Corp until she gets back, which means I should hold a press conference, get ahead of this situation."

"You should probably wait at least a few hours until they decide how they want to handle the situation."

"Who's they?" Sam said as she spun in her chair. "I just want to see my daughter," she sighed. "At least Supergirl—Kara—whatever I'm calling her, is bringing her here."

"'They' refers to all those dark, secret-keeping people my girlfriend works with. The DEO, spies, ninjas, whatever you want to call them," Maggie waved a hand vaguely. "It's a little tiring trying to separate the different parts of their whole black-ops situation, so I've started calling all of them one collective 'they'."

"That makes it easier for me." Sam spun around to face the cop. "I guess we should think about where Lillian would go," she started.

Maggie watched her for a moment before leaning forward, her hands on her knees. "I don't mean to intrude, but can I ask?"

"Sure, what is it?" Sam tilted her head.

"You mentioned that you...you knew what Alex was going through. I haven't seen a lot of you, but you seem so much more together than she does right now. What happened...? You don't have to answer if you don't want to," Maggie said quickly, afraid of offending Sam.

Sam brushed off her nervousness. "No, it's no problem. I had some problems with addiction when I was in college," she said easily.

"Alex too," Maggie crossed her arms and looked at Sam, intrigued.

Sam's eyes widened a bit. "She's been like this since college? No one's helped her?"

"No, no," Maggie explained. "I didn't know her back then, but from what I've been told she had a drinking problem and Kara worked it out with her. But I guess it came back? She's had a bad few weeks."

Sam nodded with a thoughtful expression. "Sounds about right. But you know, they do say 'once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic' for a reason."

"So what was it for you?" Maggie was curious. Sam seemed so put-together that Maggie had a hard time relating the successful business woman in front of her with her messy drunk of a girlfriend.

"Pills." Sam's tone turned serious. "I did drugs in college like any other dumb twenty-something home away for the first time, but I got in with the wrong crowd and ended up hooked on benzos for most of my sophomore year. Xanax, Valium, Lorazepam, you name it I did it." She paused for a moment, remembering the dark period of her life that was all blurred together; waking up on the floors of dorms, hazy lecture halls where she wouldn't remember a thing, conversations she'd remember having with people who would tell her the next day that they hadn't even seen her in weeks. "Lena's actually the one who...well, she helped me out of it. I moved in with her and she got me into group therapy, found a drug addiction specialist for me—my family doesn't come from money and she paid for all of it. But that isn't what makes it impossible to repay, it's that she gave me my life back."

Maggie sat back, a little overwhelmed. "And...how did you take it?"

Sam snorted. "At first? About as well as Alex is taking it right now. They're not kidding around when they say denial is the first step. But Lena got through to me in a similar way, she had me committed to the psych ward, actually. I didn't forgive her for a long time, but now it's something of an inside joke of ours, and I'm sure it'll be like that for you and Alex one day." Seeing Maggie's hopeful expression she quickly backtracked. "It's definitely going to be a long road. You have to realize that before you set any expectations. And this sort of thing is really hard on loved ones, I mean clearly Kara isn't taking it well the second time around. But you have to remember that it's not a choice. I had a really hard time understanding that addiction was a disease but Lena was an amazing friend. She did a ton of research about it and never left my side, and I owe her my life. She stuck with me even when I was yelling some pretty awful things at her." Sam frowned. "I have to say, though," she said with a cautionary glance at Maggie, "If you don't think you can handle it it's best if you leave now. I know first hand that it's so much worse if the person you think you can rely on leaves when it gets to be too much. My mother did something like that to me before Lena stepped in. She has a thing for absent mothers," Sam joked. "But it's not fair to you and it's not fair to Alex if you're not going to stick around."

"I'd never leave her," Maggie said immediately. "Even if her sister can't handle it, I can."

"You say that now, but you have to remember how you're feeling in this moment when you're on the bathroom floor and your hand is down her throat trying to get her to bring back up whatever she took, or when Alex is screaming at you that you should just leave her alone to die," Sam said unflinchingly.

Maggie bit her lip. "Is that what happened with you and Lena?"

"It's one of the things. But like I said, she never left me. Not for a second. And even though Alex won't say it, she needs you. I can only tell you one side of the story, but what I _can_ tell you is that it can't all come from you. You think you can hold her world up, that you can be her Atlas and keep the sky from falling on top of both of you. But she has to want to get better. I only wish Lena were here to talk to you about this, sorry I'm not much help," Sam smiled apologetically.

"No, no this helps more than you can imagine." Maggie put her head in her hands. "I just wish she would talk to me."

Sam leaned forward and put a sympathetic hand on Maggie's knee. "It's hard to talk about. I make everything look easy, I know," she said rolling her eyes, "but it takes time."

"It's not just the drinking. We've been arguing about having kids for what seems like forever." Maggie looked up at Sam. "She desperately wants kids and I would do anything to make her happy, but I've just never seen myself as a mom."

"Well, I'm biased in that aspect. I love my kid, I think she's the best thing to ever happen to me," Sam said beaming.

"That's adorable. But boarding school, huh?" Maggie looked sideways at Sam. "You don't have to explain. I get it, the job is tough. Does her dad work too?"

Sam swallowed. "Actually, it's just me and Ruby."

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't mean to pry and now look at me, trying to learn your whole life story."

"It's alright," Sam said with a shrug but sat back and looked away. "I, uh, I had her at sixteen. My mom didn't approve, so I moved out, put myself through college with her, and she actually ended up staying at Lena's apartment when we were in school."

"That's...I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. My mother and I have never had a good relationship. I secretly think that's why Lena and I are such good friends. But Lena's the one who raised Ruby for a good year and a half while I was out of my mind on drugs," Sam said quietly. "So I owe her a lot more than she thinks."

Maggie played with a rip in her jeans. "But you don't regret it? Having her so early?"

"Not at all, no. She taught me what unconditional love is, and I try my best to raise her to not make the same mistakes I did growing up. She's shown me who I am in the face of disaster; when you're home alone and there's spaghetti and pasta sauce all over the kitchen floor and your kid is trying to make a pizza in the microwave at seven years old, you really have to keep your cool." Sam laughed. "I think you and Alex will make the right decision when you come to it. But you clearly have other stuff to work out first," she said with a knowing look at Maggie.

"Growing up sucks," Maggie groaned as her phone buzzed and she looked at the screen. "We should head to the DEO, Alex says she's going to start working on the virus and she told J'onn about you. He knows you're coming and that Kara's bringing your kid."

Sam stood up. "Should I be nervous? This whole secrecy thing is giving me the willies and all I can picture is the end of those spy movies where the spy gets killed for the greater good and no one ever knows they existed."

"It's not like that," Maggie reassured her. "I mean, there's always the chance to die for the greater good if you're into that sort of thing, but right now your biggest worry should be if J'onn likes you. Don't worry, I'm sure he will."

"Okay," Sam said unconvinced, following Maggie out of the room and down the hall to the elevator.

"Also he's psychic, so just keep that in mind when you're near him," Maggie said as she pressed the down button.

Sam blew air out of mouth in a dramatic sigh. "You guys are all crazy, you know that?"

Maggie turned to her with a wide smile. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

A/N: i was gonna have chapter titles, but i think i'll just put phrases that help me keep track of the story line. i already have a pretty long outline, but any suggestions are welcome! and if anyone knows about addiction, pm me if you want to talk/have insights. happy july 4th! (:


	12. 12) Alex and Maggie

Lena rolled over, half asleep. As a throbbing pain under her left eye slowly made itself known, she groaned and brought her hand to her face, her eyes still closed. The area felt swollen and warm, and it was extremely tender. As fuzzy memories filtered through her mind, she jerked awake, sitting bolt upright with a gasp.

The first thing she noticed after her breathing calmed was the movement. The entire room seemed to be rocking slightly, as though someone were pushing on the walls. It continued in a consistent manner, leaving her to realize that she was somehow in a boat out on the water. She tried to think of where her mother might have taken her and for a moment wondered if she was still in National City's harbor, but rapidly dismissed the thought. Her mother wouldn't be so foolish as to stay so close to where she'd abducted her from. Lena put her legs over the side of the mattress she was on, reminiscing on bittersweet memories of her younger years being spent on family yachts and throwing up overboard. _Thanks for giving me my sea legs, mother_ , she thought sarcastically. She looked around the room, waves of pain still radiating out from her cheek. The floor was rusted metal and there was a thick metal ring bolted into it by a hole that appeared to be a drain, for what, Lena didn't want to find out. The walls were a rougher, corrugated steel and the only objects in the room were the mattress, a desk and a small mirror. She peered into the mirror to inspect her injury; there was a thick, dark purple line from her left temple to her cheekbone, barely missing her eye, and a gash at her hairline presumably where the edge of whatever Lillian had hit her with had broken through the skin. The dried blood gave her a macabre appearance but she noted with grim satisfaction that the injuries were still relatively fresh, meaning she hadn't been asleep long. She looked around the room trying to figure out what time it was but her mother had taken her watch and phone and the only thing resembling a porthole had been painted over. She walked over to the door and tried to open it, not surprised to find that it was locked from the outside. As she leaned her back against the door she noticed a camera with a blinking red light in the corner of the room opposite her bed.

"You're not going to get away with this," she said with a glare at the lens. "There are people who will be looking for me." When she was met with silence she went back to the mattress and sat down, trying to collect her thoughts. Sam could run the company until she got back, but god knew how long that would be.

 _No, get it together Lena. Supergirl is probably already on her way here_ , she told herself. She tried to think past the pain in her cheek. _I hope Alex and Sam are alright. And Kara, what will she do when she finds out I'm missing?_

"Don't be ridiculous, Lena, Kara has plenty of other friends. She'll be fine," Lena said out loud. "And now I'm talking to myself, great. Well, recent studies show that talking to yourself can be a sign of higher intelligence, so that's a good sign. I just have to try to stay sane—" Lena's voice broke off as she thought of her brother Lex, who had gone insane chasing after Superman. _Just hold on until someone comes for you,_ she thought silently. _Everything will be fine._

* * *

Kara landed at the DEO with Ruby and spotted J'onn standing off to the side. She walked over, towing her small companion. "Hey J'onn. This is Ruby Arias, Ruby this is J'onn. He's the big man around here." Kara shot J'onn a warning look; she hadn't explained what was happening and Ruby had been quiet the whole flight there. She had flown carefully to avoid wind pockets and turbulence, but she was worried that the young girl was in shock.

J'onn kneeled down and smiled easily. "Hello there, Ruby. It's nice to meet you. Your mother is around the corner, do you want to go see her?'

Ruby took a breath, looking wide-eyed from Supergirl to J'onn. Kara and J'onn waited for her to say something in a scared voice, but what exploded out of her was a torrent of questions. "You work with Supergirl that's so cool, do you send her out after criminals? Does she ever arrest people or do the police do that? How strong are you, what's the most you can lift? How high were we? What's the fastest you can fly, and how do you know where you're going if you're going so fast?"

"Ruby!" Her mother's voice cut through her rambling. Sam came running around the corner having heard Ruby's voice from the next room. She swept her daughter up in a hug as Maggie caught up to them. "I'm so glad you're okay. I was really worried about you, I missed you."

"I missed you too," Ruby said looking up at her mom. "But why did I have to come back? It's not winter break yet, it's only November."

Her mom bent over her and looked at her as though deciding how much to tell her. "Ruby, you know Aunt Lena?" she said putting a hand on Ruby's shoulder.

"Of course, I haven't seen her in forever! Can we go visit her? I drew her a picture of Superman after all the stories she told me last year." Ruby looked up eagerly but none of the adults would meet her eyes except her mother, who didn't say anything. "Mom? Can we go see Aunt Lena?'

"Well, sweetie, that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. Aunt Lena is in trouble right now and I need to help her, so you need to stay here for a while."

"Trouble? What kind of trouble, maybe I can help."

"No, I'm sorry baby you can't help. There are some bad people after her, and she—she'll be gone for a while. But I brought you here to keep you safe. They could hurt you because you're close to her. So I had to keep you safe." Sam's voice choked as she said the words.

Ruby looked up at her mother with a solemn air, all traces of her earlier childlike eagerness gone. "You know I'm not a kid anymore, mom." She noticed Maggie's badge on her belt and turned back to her mother. "The police are here. Was she kidnapped?"

Sam met Ruby's eyes. What she saw in them didn't remind her of the little girl she had raised, but a young woman who was growing up far too quickly for her liking, who knew about the evils of the world that Sam had spent her whole life trying to hide from her. She cleared her throat and looked back up at Kara, Maggie and J'onn, who were huddled a few feet away. "Yeah, she was. But we're going to find her, don't you worry." A tear fell down her cheek and she smiled as her daughter wiped it away.

"I know you love Aunt Lena like a sister," Ruby said in a quiet voice, watching her mother cry. "I'm sorry this happened." She walked over to where Kara stood, her face determined.

"Hi there," Kara said with an uncertain smile. "Did your mom explain things better than I did?"

Ruby ignored her question. "You have to find Aunt Lena, it's your job. If you don't, it'll destroy my mom and I'll never forgive you. I'll hate you forever."

Kara was taken aback by the thirteen year old's strong words and didn't know what to say as Sam came up to them. "Ruby, don't use words like 'hate'," Sam admonished her daughter. "Apologize."

"No, she's right. I have to find her." Kara knelt down to Ruby's height and regarded the younger Arias with a curious expression. "I heard you saying your mom and Lena are like sisters. I have a sister too, her name is Alex. And if anything happened to her I wouldn't know how to handle it. I would be destroyed, too." Kara's face grew serious. "I love my sister so much, I would die for her. I promise you when I say I'll do anything to get Lena back, I mean it." She held out her hand for Ruby to shake.

Ruby studied Kara's face and when she was convinced of her sincerity, shook her hand briefly before letting it drop. "Okay. I believe you."

Sam put her arm around Ruby's shoulders. "Hey, don't you have some work to do? I'll take you to an empty room. I called the school, and just because you aren't there doesn't mean you don't have to do the work. I know, I know," she said as Ruby groaned loudly. "But you have to study if you want to be as smart as I am, or Lena when you're older." She led her daughter away from the group with a grateful smile at Kara.

"Wow, Danvers, you're a regular knight in shining armor. That kid idolizes you," Maggie said as they watched Sam walk away, laughing at something her daughter said.

"I meant every word," Kara answered seriously. "We need to get ahead of this thing and we need to find Lena. Winn is tracking any signs of the Medusa virus and he already located her phone, but they dumped it in the harbor when they took her. No witnesses saw Lena or her mother leaving the building so they must have gone out through the basement, and there still haven't been any hits for a blue telepath." J'onn furrowed his brow and Kara looked over, sensing his hesitation. "What is it?"

"I was thinking about what you said earlier. I've never heard of a blue telepathic alien race, maybe the officer was mistaken."

"No, he was definitely blue," Alex's voice came from the lab door and she followed a moment later. "I saw him. And he was definitely a telepath, because he got inside my head. It was horrible." She leaned in to give Maggie a quick kiss.

"What happened?" J'onn said turning to her.

"I already explained it to these guys, he mind-controlled me then tried to strangle me."

"But how did it feel?" J'onn pressed.

"Being strangled? It felt great," Alex put her hands on her hips with a haughty expression on her face. "Really made me appreciate my lung efficiency."

"Not the strangling, the mind control. How did it feel inside your head?" J'onn scrutinized Alex's face, knowing she was just putting on a show.

Alex's façade dropped. "Horrible," she said with a shudder. "When he first looked at me, it was like something was pressing my brain against my skull. It felt like my head was going to explode. Then, well, it was kind of like being drunk—which I'm not anymore, before you two start again," she said with a pointed look at Maggie and Kara. "It was like I was floating away from my body, except the only difference with alcohol and mind-control is that the whole time I was aware of what was happening; I was screaming at myself to move and do something and fight back, but I just couldn't. I couldn't get my body to move."

J'onn frowned. "That sounds almost exactly like Martian mind control," he said in a disapproving tone. "I'll go talk to Winn and see what he can dredge up. It's possible I don't know everything. Have you got everything you need?"

"Aye aye, captain." Alex gave him a goofy salute and he narrowed his eyes at her before turning to leave.

"You know, if you're trying to prove you aren't drunk anymore you're not doing a great job," Maggie said as she wrapped her arms around Alex.

"Yes I am. And did you see that little girl? She's so cute!" Alex smiled at Maggie. "Are you sure you don't want one?" she pouted.

Maggie glanced at Kara and saw her nervously tapping the ground with her foot. Her sister hadn't noticed her tense stance, but Maggie certainly did. "I'm sure I don't want to have this conversation right now," she answered. "I'm going to go talk to Sam about holding a press conference." She slipped away before Alex could say anything.

Alex finally turned to Kara, who she had been avoiding looking at, and saw her distracted gaze. "What's wrong?'

Kara started and looked up, her foot stopping the rhythm she'd been tapping out. "Did you say something?"

"I said what's wrong? I can see your crinkle." Alex poked her sister's face and was rewarded with a weak smile.

"What's wrong is Lena could be dead and I have no way of knowing." She took a deep breath and squinted at her sister. "I need to talk to you."

"To me?" Alex said in a surprised tone, Kara's words from earlier still replaying in her head. "Okay, shoot." She crossed her arms and waited for Kara to say something, hoping her sister wasn't going to accuse her of being drunk in the middle of the DEO.

"Talk to you alone, I mean," Kara said quietly.

Alex made a face. "I was afraid you'd say that. Come on," she sighed, pushing the door to the lab open. "I'm still trying to figure out an antidote, but you can talk as I clean up a little." Kara followed her into the lab, waiting for the door to close behind her before turning to her sister.

"About what I said earlier," she started out haltingly. "I didn't mean...y'know..."

Alex didn't look at her sister, straightening a pile of papers and leaning over to turn off the monitor before answering. "I know what's happening with Lena is really hitting you hard."

"I'm just so mad that I wasn't there, but I was busy talking to the officer—"

Alex raised a hand, stopping Kara mid-sentence. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Kara. I know you've been trying your best. I know you didn't mean the things you said—well, maybe you meant some of them," Alex smiled sadly. "But you weren't wrong. I can't do my job if I'm—if I'm off drinking, and I can't help anyone if I'm drunk. You were there for me before, and I guess I'm just not used to playing the role of the sister that needs protecting from myself. That's usually you," she said with a smirk.

Kara looked at the ground, unsure of what to say. She had been rehearsing an apology for what she'd said that ended with a firm stance against Alex's drinking, but Alex seemed to have taken the words right out of her mouth. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. Just—everything is happening so fast and I don't know what to do."

Alex looked at Kara sympathetically. "I heard. About the DEO agents from this morning. Kara, that wasn't your fault. I know it feels easiest to blame yourself, believe me I know. But you can't afford to, you have to wake up every day and keep moving." She wrapped her arms around her sister, holding her tightly. "That's what makes you a hero. You never give up." She could feel Kara trembling and her heart ached because there was nothing she could do.

Kara didn't return the hug but rested she her head on Alex's shoulder. "Do you think their families will ever know what happened to them? Or will it be for them what it was like for us, when Jeremiah was reported dead and no one would tell us what happened?"

Alex swallowed past the lump in her throat. She still couldn't think about her father without feeling his betrayal all over again, feeling the empty hole in her heart, and the feeling of being so alone and so deserted made her want a drink. Forcing the intrusive thoughts out of her mind, she rubbed her sister's back slowly. "I think that dad didn't have a choice. And he helped us, in the end. He saved us even after everything he did."

"I forgave him, you know." Kara finally brought her arms up, pulling Alex closer. It was an uncomfortably tight hug for Alex's bruised ribs that made her hiss under her breath, but she didn't pull away. "I forgave him for hurting you and for leaving us when we were kids."

"Oh, Kara," Alex sighed. "Forgiveness isn't something that you give to somebody who's hurt you. Forgiveness is something you give to yourself. You'll understand when you realize you aren't to blame for what happened."

"I wish you would take your own advice," Kara sniffled loudly.

"What does that mean—gross, are you getting snot all over my shirt?" Alex jerked back with a grimace.

Kara laughed. "I'm just saying, you're too hard on yourself. You need to stop blaming yourself and trying to take responsibility for everything bad that ever happens." She stepped back and eyed Alex's side. "You also need to stop trying to hid your injuries from me, x-ray vision, remember?"

"It's just a bruise," Alex said nonchalantly. "I've had worse."

"Just because you've had worse doesn't mean you shouldn't take care of yourself. And it's not just a bruise, two of them look like they could be fractured. Let me see." Kara reached for the hem of Alex's shirt but her sister batted her hand away.

"Kara, come on. Just leave it, it'll heal soon."

Kara crossed her arms and set her chin stubbornly. "We can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way."

Alex glared at her sister. "You're really pushy, you know that?" she groaned, lifting up her shirt. She heard Kara suck in a breath and started to pull her shirt back down, but Kara caught her arm.

"Alex, how bad does this hurt right now?"

"On a scale of one to ten? Like a...four? It wasn't that bad earlier, but it's started throbbing since I got to work," Alex admitted.

Kara ran a feather-light hand across Alex's ribs and felt her sister flinch. There was a large, mottled bruise that had clearly come from someone's fist smashing into her side and it looked so painful that she felt a sympathetic twinge in her own ribs. "I know you're trying to downplay this, but you should've said something." Kara zeroed in on the ribs themselves. "There's definitely two that are fractured. Do you want some painkillers?"

"I want a drink," Alex mumbled, pulling down her shirt. Seeing Kara's disapproving look she tried to write it off quickly. "Oh, come on, that was a joke."

"What's not a joke is that you were drunk enough that you didn't feel these injuries until hours later. You're lucky you don't have any internal injuries or you could have passed out, or worse. Alex, you need to take care of yourself," Kara insisted, crossing her arms with a frown. "I know you might not want to hear this but Lena told me that addiction is a disease. I've done some reading about it," she said earnestly. "and I know you aren't in control, just like you weren't when that telepath took over your mind. You need help, Alex. But you don't have to do this alone; you have so many people that love you. Let me help you," she pleaded.

Alex bit her lip, her hand keeping pressure on her ribs. "You know, last time—it was easier last time, because I didn't have as many people relying on me," her voice broke. "I didn't have as many people who would be disappointed in me if I failed."

"No one is disappointed in you," Kara said shaking her head. She looked at her sister with a sad expression on her face. "We just want to help you. All those people that you think are disappointed in you? They aren't, so use them as a reason to get better. And I'll be here, just like last time, just like always."

"Always," Alex echoed with a faraway look.

Kara patted Alex's arm. "I'm going to go help look for Lena. Talk to Maggie, then go to the med bay and get your ribs checked out. And I left you a present," she said pointing to a box by the door.

"Oooh, I love presents." She tore off the ribbon eagerly as Kara left with a sad smile on her face. Her gun was sitting in the box, nestled perfectly within sheets of tissue paper. Alex picked it up and examined if for any signs of damage; she had no idea how Kara would have gotten it out of Lena's safe short of ripping apart the safe with brute strength, but her gun looked unharmed. She put it in the empty holster on her leg, taking a seat and feeling suddenly nostalgic. Old memories flashed through her brain; the first time Kara had picked her up off the floor and joked about how she'd had too much to drink, the second time she'd done the same thing the following morning. Holidays when Kara had hidden her drinking from their mother, almost systematically, but she wasn't joking about it anymore. She remembered the panic in her sister's voice when she had called to tell her she was in the hospital, and the disapproval in her tone when she found out it was from alcohol poisoning. She knew Kara would stay with her even if it hurt her, and the thought made her grimace as she visualized the conversation she would have to have with Maggie. She'd never spoken openly about her alcoholism with her girlfriend aside from angry yelling on both of their parts, but she knew they couldn't continue in this bizarre dance they were conducting, neither of them willing to admit defeat. With a sigh, Alex gave in. _You win this one, Sawyer_ , she groaned internally as she left the lab. The work on the virus would have to wait; if she didn't find Maggie now she would lose her nerve.

* * *

Lena had dozed off again when her door opened with a metallic _clang_. She opened her eyes slowly and wasn't surprised to see her mother standing in the doorway. Rolling her eyes, she faced the wall and pretended to go back to sleep; meanwhile her thoughts were racing a hundred miles a minute.

 _Where is the virus? Is she going to use mind control to make me develop a fatal strain for her? Has someone already been sent to find me? Does Kara even know I'm missing yet?_

"I see you're awake," her mother said disdainfully, breaking into Lena's thought process. "We both already know why you're here. To help me weaponize the remaining strains of the Medusa virus."

"Go to hell," Lena spat, not turning around.

"I've been. They sent me back," Lillian said primly.

"There's a shocker," Lena mumbled. "The crazy, murderous bitch is too much for the Devil to handle. Well, you're not too much for me to handle. Leave me alone."

"Funny, you seemed less confident when I smashed a police baton into your face." Seeing Lena wince, Lillian continued. "I could always repeat the experiment and see if you're still as cocky afterwards."

"That's your plan? You're going to torture information out of me?" Lena said in disbelief, sitting up to face her mother.

"Lena, my intention isn't to hurt you. It's to wipe out all the aliens, vile creatures. But if you have to suffer a little for me to achieve my goals, well, let's say it's for the greater good." Lillian smiled good-naturedly. "You always wanted to be a martyr. Here's your chance."

"No thanks, I'll pass," Lena said mockingly. "I'm never going to help you."

"You forget, I could kill your dear friend Sam in a heartbeat if you don't cooperate. Or her daughter, Ruby. Such a bright young life extinguished at such an early age, what a tragedy."

"And _you_ forget that Supergirl is still out there. She'll stop you from hurting any more innocent people," Lena retorted, standing up angrily.

"Innocent, like yourself?" When Lena looked away, Lillian snorted. "Oh, please. You're hardly innocent. And what makes you think that Supergirl would devote all her time and energy to saving you and your friends? There's a whole city, a whole world out there, what makes you so special?"

Lena glared at her mother. She had always hated the way that Lillian could so easily make her feel worthless and in that moment she could relate to Alex's desire to drink herself unconscious. "You treat me like a pathetic child, but I'm not the sad orphan girl you took in anymore. I've built an empire, I've made a name for myself apart from the legacy of evil that people associate with the word Luthor."

"Built an empire with whose money? You may be a genius and you may be beautiful, but you wouldn't have ever gotten this far if not for that Luthor name. Think about that next time you want to throw it away," Lillian narrowed her eyes. "Now," she straightened her back and snapped her fingers. A man walked in with a briefcase and placed it on the desk. "Here are the calculations I've managed to come up with. I need the virus to be stronger and instead of targeting species, I need it to target anything non-human. Do you think you could do that?"

"Why should I do anything for you?" Lena pushed the briefcase onto the floor where it fell with a heavy _thump_.

Lillian looked at her for a moment before moving so quickly that Lena didn't realize she'd raised her hand until it struck her in the side of the face. The backhanded blow caught her off-guard and she stumbled back onto the mattress, cursing under her breath. "Just be glad I didn't hit the same place as before," Lillian smirked. "It would have ruined those perfect cheekbones for sure."

"Screw you," Lena said bitterly, pressing her hand to her cheek. "Get out of my room."

Lillian sighed and signaled for the man to leave. As she followed him out, she turned back to look at Lena. "You can try to stall as long as you want but eventually you'll do what I ask. No one will find you here, and no one is going to save you."

Lena heard the lock slide into place after the door closed and she remained on the bed, closing her eyes tightly against the stinging in her cheek. Swallowing, she became aware of how thirsty she was and remembered that she hadn't eaten since the morning that she'd been abducted. Her stomach howled in protest and she covered it with one hand as though to muffle the noise even though there was no one around to hear it. As though someone was reading her mind, the door opened and the same hooded, blue-skinned man from her office walked in carrying a tray. Lena stood as he approached, her body tensing.

"Who are you? Where am I?" she asked the man as he put the tray down on the desk. He didn't answer, just silently looked at her. She considered making a break for it, but then he spoke.

"I know what you are thinking. Do not try to leave the room. There are many guards outside, and to stop you leaving would only cause you more pain." He sounded strangely formal but didn't have any sort of accent. As Lena inspected the tray, he left, locking the door behind him; there was a sad-looking grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of water. Lena considered throwing it on the ground with the briefcase, but decided against it. She would need her strength if she was going to escape, and, making a face, she slowly ate the grilled cheese. It wasn't half-bad but she knew her mother was an expert at playing the long game. If she really kept Lena here as long as she thought she could, she would no doubt eventually be eating moldy bread and rotten fruit. She took a sip of the water and wrinkled her nose at the funny taste, it must have been from metal pipes because she could almost taste the chemicals in it. She downed the rest of it in a few gulps, then looked at the empty cup wistfully. She had no idea when her mother was going to feed her again, which left her no choice but to look around for an escape route. With a glance at the camera in the corner of the room, she stood up and collected herself.

 _Just take a look around, you'll find something,_ she tried to calm herself down. She searched every inch of the small quarters but found nothing useful; she tried tugging on the ring in the floor but it didn't budge, and when she'd exhausted every other possibility she picked up the briefcase and sat down at the desk. She pulled out page after page of painstaking calculations written in her mother's neat handwriting, scanning them all briefly before piling them in the corner of the desk. Fishing a wooden pencil out of the bottom of the briefcase, she picked up the top paper, trying to ignore the pain from her mother's blows. She felt almost ashamed, oddly enough; after years of trying to win her mother's approval she would've thought nothing her mother could do or say would hurt her, but the feeling of being physically struck down by someone she used to look up to hit home for Lena. It felt like the final nail in the coffin of her mother's disdain for her, as though by striking her down Lillian had also shattered the last part of her that still longed for motherly affection. She blinked back angry tears and read the first line of numbers; she had no intention of doing what her mother wanted, but if she was going to be trapped there she might as well learn everything she could about the virus.

* * *

"Ruby, right?" Alex said as she walked into the room, her hands in her pockets. Sam was sitting at the table with her daughter and working through some of her schoolwork. "Whatcha got there?"

"My mom's making me do my math homework." Ruby turned, grateful for the distraction. "Are you looking for Aunt Lena?"

Sam tapped the paper with her pencil. "Hey, no questions until you finish the problem."

Ruby groaned and looked back at the paper. "The answer's twenty-seven." She turned back to Alex. "So have you found her?"

"Whoa! How'd you do that? You barely looked at the question!" Alex widened her eyes.

"She's like a machine," Sam agreed. "But she's a machine with four more pages of questions to get done." She raised her eyebrow at Ruby.

"Come on, one question?" Ruby begged.

"Fine," Sam conceded. "One. Then you have to finish your work."

Ruby turned excitedly to Alex. "Have you found Aunt Lena yet?"

"Not yet, but we're doing everything we can," Alex said with a reassuring smile. "I'm about to go help."

"How are you going to find her?"

Noticing Sam's tired look behind Ruby, Alex pursed her lips. "Well, we're tracking down people that may have seen something and we're trying to find out where her mother might be." Seeing Ruby eagerly latch on to the information, Alex felt bad that she didn't have more to give her. "I tell you what," she said, crossing her arms patiently. "If you finish all your work, I'll tell you as soon as we find anything."

"Promise?" Ruby narrowed her eyes at the possibility of more information.

"I promise," Alex said with a smile. Sam's tired eyes lit up as Ruby focused on her work, and she got up to talk to Alex, drawing her away from the table.

"Thanks for that," she said looking at her daughter. "You're great with kids, apparently. Is there anything you can't do?"

"It's no problem," Alex shrugged off the praise."I know she's worried too, she just shows it in a different way than we do."

"Well I've been trying to get her to do that work for half an hour, so you are a lifesaver." Sam smiled. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?" she said with a knowing look.

"I was actually looking for Maggie," Alex answered. "She said she was going to talk to you about holding a press conference, have you seen her?"

"Yeah, we decided to release a video statement in an hour about my running L-Corp then she took off. She said there were already officers trying to track down Lillian Luthor, but that we should keep Lena's disappearance on the down-low," Sam sighed. "I know that your top-secret government whatever is probably more capable of finding Lena than the regular police, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm not doing everything I can by keeping her abduction a secret," she lowered her voice with a glance at her daughter. "I'm so worried but I can't seem to juggle it all—protecting Ruby, thinking about what Lena's going through..."

Alex leaned against the doorway. "I know it seems pretty bad right now, but don't worry. We will find her and we'll bring her back as soon as we can. Her assistant won't even have time to memorize your coffee order," she reassured her. "Um, you said Maggie left—did she mention where she was going?"

"I think she said she was heading for the training room? She muttered something about wanting to blow off some steam, so I didn't follow her."

Alex pushed off from the wall, holding her ribs. "Yeah, that sounds like her...but hey, if you want to help them look for Lena I can take over for you here. I love kids!" She watched Ruby doing her work and smiled.

Sam narrowed her eyes. "You wouldn't be avoiding having a serious talk with your girlfriend now, would you?"

"Please," Alex scoffed. "I'm—that's not—I just thought you looked a little tired, that's all."

"Nice try, but I'm always tired. If it makes you feel any better, I talked to Maggie and it sounds like she wants to have this conversation with you. Keep that in mind while you're talking; it may seem like she's uncomfortable but she's got her own stuff to work through about how to handle this."

Alex blew out a breath. "I guess that helps a little. It doesn't really make me any more eager to have this conversation, I gotta say."

"Go talk to your girlfriend. And no running away, because my daughter's expecting information on Lena soon so you don't have time to procrastinate." Sam punched her in the arm playfully. "Is Alex Danvers, resident badass too afraid to go talk to a street cop?"

"Something like that," Alex said laughing nervously. "I'll see you around." She headed for the stairs at the end of the hall, her muscle memory guiding her to the training room as she tried to figure out what what she would say to Maggie.

 _I'm sorry that I haven't been communicating with you, I promise I'll try harder._

Alex shook her head. That sounded weak and evasive.

 _I know I have a problem. I'm trying to deal with it, it's just harder the second time around._

Now it just sounded like she was making excuses.

 _Maybe you shouldn't have arrested me, maybe then I'd want to talk to you_.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, she arrived at the door to the training room. It was open, and she could see Maggie inside throwing knives. She watched surreptitiously as Maggie brought her arm back, admiring the smooth movement of the muscles under her skin. There was a faint sheen of sweat along her arm, which Alex suspected was from a jog; Maggie tended to run when she needed to clear her head and Alex felt a spike of guilt when she realized that she was the thing that Maggie needed to forget, even if it was only temporarily. Maggie's knife landed a few inches off from the center and she frowned, pulling another one back.

"That's hot," Alex said as she sidled into the room. She barely had time to duck as Maggie whipped around, releasing the knife, and Alex heard it whistle through the air before it struck the wall next to her face point-first. "Okay, maybe surprising someone during knife practice isn't the best move."

"You think?" Maggie's tone was exasperated but she was smiling. "How are you?"

Alex fidgeted with her collar, her other hand resting on the butt of her gun. "Good. I actually wanted to talk to you," she said not looking at Maggie.

"Yeah, me too." Maggie put the remaining knives down on a table and wiped her hands off on her pants. "I talked to Sam."

"I heard, what did you guys talk about?" Alex fixed her gaze on the knife by her head, unwilling to look at Maggie. She was afraid of what she might see in her face; disappointment, annoyance, or maybe nothing at all, and she didn't think she could handle it if Maggie's face was blank.

"She just told me some stories about her life," Maggie said vaguely. "But I wanted to tell you that...I'm here for you. Anything you need."

At Maggie's gentle tone, Alex tore her gaze away from the knife and looked her girlfriend in the eyes. What she saw there wasn't what she was expecting. Maggie's eyes were warm and brown and full of love; they had no trace of anger or bitterness at her, and Alex let out a deep breath as she felt a weight lift off her chest. "Oh, thank god."

Leaning on the wall next to Alex, Maggie tilted her head to the side. "Why?"

Alex rested her hand on the knife handle and bit her lip. "I just didn't expect you to..."

"To what? Understand? If I'm being honest, I didn't understand anything until I talked to Sam. I knew it was wrong to blame you, but I didn't know what you needed from me. You also weren't telling me what you needed, and that's why I was mad at you. But I think I get it now, and I think you should talk to Sam. You have a lot more in common with her than I would've guessed." Maggie watched as Alex's fingers played with the knife, waiting for her to say something.

"I just practiced speeches in my head the whole way down here and I didn't even get to use them. And I don't even know what I need from you, so how are you so sure?" Alex yanked the knife out of the wall and threw it at the target. It sailed through the air before landing an inch outside the center, and she clicked her tongue. "Damn, I'm out of practice."

"You did better than I did," Maggie said judging the distance from the door to the target. "It's almost twenty feet from here, I threw from the ten foot mark."

"Well, I am the best," Alex smirked. "But I just wanted to say, uh, thanks." She looked back and Maggie and rubbed her hands together nervously. "For understanding. I talked to Kara earlier and we, uh, we worked things out I think. I know I have— that I'm—an alcoholic," she choked out, her eyes stinging. "I just—I can't do this on my own. I'm going to get help, I promise. Please don't leave," she whispered the last part, looking down at the floor.

Maggie smiled sadly. "Never," she said in a quiet voice, pulling Alex into a hug. "We started this story together, you and me, and that's how we'll finish it. I'm not going anywhere, I swear." When Alex didn't respond, Maggie tightened her arms around her until she felt warm liquid seeping through her shirt. "Oh, babe," Maggie leaned her head back to get a better view of Alex's face; her eyes were red and there were tears dripping off her chin. "I love you." She leaned in and kissed her softly. "I love you and I will always, always be there for you. But you have to communicate. You have to tell me what you need."

Alex returned the kiss passionately. "I will, I promise." Her heart was swelling in her chest and she felt oddly free; talking to Maggie always made her feel better and now that she'd done it, she had no idea why she'd been putting it off. She pulled Maggie closer and spun her around, pinning her against the wall. Their breaths came faster and filled the air between them as they molded together, Alex pressing Maggie into the wall with her body. She knew she had a lot of work to do on herself, but right now, kissing Maggie, the rest of world fell away into dust. Every time she kissed her it felt like fireworks were going off in her chest and she could never get enough. Maggie slid down the wall, pulling her with her, and Alex barely noticed the twinge in her ribs. Like a potent drug, Maggie was flooding her senses; her scent of smoke and flowers and sweat was permeating the air around them and Alex couldn't focus on anything else.

As Alex leaned back, Maggie lowered her to the ground. "You know," Alex said between kisses, "the door's not locked."

"I like living on the edge," Maggie's voice was low and throaty as she pulled her shirt over her head.

"My sister could walk in," Alex gasped as Maggie took the skin of her neck between her teeth, biting gently.

"She's too preoccupied with finding Lena. We should really go help her in a minute." Maggie kissed her way down Alex's sternum, stretching the fabric of her shirt to expose the skin.

"There's a mind reader in the building," Alex panted in a last ditch effort to stop her girlfriend, but her heart wasn't in it.

"He'll stay away if he knows what's good for him. Now shut up," Maggie growled, "before you kill the mood."

"Yes ma'am."


	13. 13) Tracking Lena

James was leaning against his desk when he saw Kara walking by. "Kara, can I speak to you a minute?" he called out of the office door.

Hearing her name, Kara looked up with a flustered air. She had just been in Snapper's office trying to apologize for never finishing her article, but he'd just looked at her and said "You're done, ponytail." He hadn't even waved, just dismissed her by looking back down at the spreads in front of him. She'd then checked her phone to see if there were any updates on the search for Lena but all she had gotten was a text from Winn saying " _Working on finding her. Keep Cat Co. running, I'll let you know the second we find anything,"_ and Maggie and Alex both had yet to answer her. Letting out a tired sigh, she entered the office.

"What's up, James?"

"How'd it go with Snapper?" He noticed her somber outlook and tried to cheer her up with a smile but she didn't see it.

"Not well. I think he's going to fire me. I never finished the article," she said guiltily.

James stood up and offered Kara a glass of water which she accepted with a small smile. "Hey, don't worry. He can't fire you since he doesn't own the company. Speaking of which..."

Kara's expression darkened. "Lena was supposed to run Cat Co., wasn't she?"

"That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. We released the press statement about her going missing already, and I had Snapper add that Sam will be taking over L-Corp in the article. But there's something else." He reached behind him and picked up an envelope from the cluttered desk. "She really thinks ahead, Lena Luthor. She left some instructions in case anything went wrong; I haven't read them yet."

"Why not?" Kara sipped the water, not really paying attention.

"Because the envelope has your name on it." James held it out to her.

Kara gulped and set the glass of water down on the table. "Why'd she leave it to me? That doesn't make any sense."

James shrugged. "Look, I know as much as you do. But if what's in there is what I'm hoping is in there, then it will make my life easier."

With a curious glance at James' cryptic response, Kara held her hand out for the letter. James gave it to her, handing her a letter opener. He watched her intently as she slit it open, her eyes darting back and forth as she read the instructions Lena had given her. When she finished, she sat down on the couch, speechless.

"Kara? What is it?"

Kara took a moment to regain her composure. Her fingers were gripping the paper tightly enough to wrinkle it, as though it were the only part of Lena that she could hold on to. She didn't hear James at all and adjusted her glasses, binging the paper up to her face to read it again.

"Kara? Are you okay?'

"I'm—I'm fine. Just..." she held out the paper for him to read. "I just have no idea what to—say? What to do?"

James took the paper from her and skimmed it. Halfway through the page after technical and budgetary requirements that were to be met was and handwritten statement that looked like it had been added in a hurry.

" _While I will be stepping in as the CEO within the week, I name Kara Danvers to take over as temporary CEO of Cat. Co. Worldwide Media during any absences."_

James was silent for a while, then he ran his tongue over his teeth. "Okay. Well, I was hoping for something like this."

Kara looked up in astonishment. "You were _hoping_ for this? Lena is _gone,_ she's been _kidnapped_ , and I don't know anything about running a company! Cat Co. could crash and burn with me in charge! That doesn't even begin to cover how to explain my _own_ sudden absences. When you're a lowly reporter you can 'go out for coffee' any time as long as you get your work in. As CEO, I can't just be running off to stop a burglary between meetings!" Kara lowered her voice as she continued. "How am I supposed to handle being a superhero, looking for Lena _and_ running a company? I can barely do two of those things."

James pursed his lips. "It's going to be fine. I have a few days to give you some pointers and you're a fast learner."

"Not that fast and—a few days? You weren't supposed to leave until next week! What are you talking about?" Kara adjusted her glasses again and stood up from the couch. "You can't leave now! Lena and—Cat Co. and I, I have to juggle all this—"

James put his hands on Kara's shoulders, cutting her off. "I have no doubt that you will find Lena, and I have no doubt that you will run this company better than anyone can. I mean, come on, Lena doesn't even know how to tweet. You lived through years of Cat Grant. You have more experience in the media world. I have to go to D.C. early, that's why you only have a few days, but I'll show you the ropes. A lot of it is just reviewing the content before we go to print; the people who work here know what they're doing. They were almost all hired by Cat Grant, so don't expect so little."

"It's not them I'm expecting so little of. Why are you leaving early?" Kara was struggling to process what James was saying to her.

"It's some classified mumbo jumbo with Lucy's pentagon job. I tried to get her to put it off but in the end I realized she's already given up so much for me, I can't ask her to risk her job, too. I promise you, we will do everything we can to find Lena with what we have on the East Coast. There are resources there that we don't have here, even if they're all human." James smiled. "And I was going to throw a going away party, but with everything going on I figured leaving quietly might be the best course of action. So you're actually the first person I've told." James closed his eyes, waiting for Kara's reaction.

Kara, meanwhile, was looking at her phone. She had gotten a text from Winn and had hurried to swipe through it, ignoring James.

 _Think we found a way to track her. DEO, ASAP._

"I—I have to go," Kara said, not looking up.

"Okay, just don't forget in a few days you'll have to hold the meetings with each department!" James called after her, but she'd already jumped out of the window and flown off.

* * *

"You found her?" Kara said as she landed on the stairs. "Where is she?"

"Calm down. We're not sure, but we found some footage that could lead us to her. Check this out," Winn spun around in his chair. He hit a few keys on the computer and a clip started playing. It showed a hooded man and a woman that looked a lot like Lillian Luthor walking across the tarmac of an airport.

"Is Lena there?" Kara leaned forward and squinted as though it would help define the picture.

"I couldn't see from this frame. But there's another angle that shows them boarding a small plane carrying someone who looks a lot like her." The screen flickered and a second camera angle panned over so the steps to a jet could be seen; there was a man carrying someone up the stairs.

"That's her," Kara said immediately.

Winn took the confirmation without question. "Right. So I tracked the flight manifests—of course, it's not registered. But that's not a large jet, so either it would land eventually or have to stop to refuel. I traced it to JFK, in New York, then all the way to Europe where it landed in the Dublin airport, and here it is." A third camera angle, grainier than the last two from the dim light, showed a woman standing at the top of a flight of stairs from a jet as two large men walked towards a car, dragging someone between them. Their bodies obscured the camera's view of the person they were carrying, but Kara narrowed her eyes.

"That has to be Lena. Those are her shoes," she said with certainty.

"Well, there are coordinates to where the plane landed. That video feed is from an hour ago but I have the license plate for the car they got into and I tracked it down to a warehouse in Galway, Ireland."

"What's in Ireland?" Maggie's voice came from behind her. Kara turned to see her and Alex walking up; Alex's hair was tangled as though she'd gone on a run and not tied it back.

"Nothing I can think of," Winn said, starting to type something. "Oh wait—it looks like the Luthors have a country home there. That's weird, I didn't pick them for the sheep-and-pasture type of family."

Kara saw Maggie's rumpled shirt and messy hair but was too agitated to say anything. "Send me the coordinates. I'm going there now," she said as she headed for the exit.

"Don't you want back up?" Alex said with concern. "We already know there's a telepath with her and god knows who else she could have."

"Unless you can get a full team to Ireland from here as fast as I can, I'll just have to do without it and take a psychic dampener." She headed to the weapons room and her sister followed. Looking through the shelves she shoved things haphazardly to the side until she found it.

"Kara, let me go with you."

Kara eyed her sister before thinking of the day before, when she had smelled the alcohol on Alex's breath. It wasn't there now but the memory was still fresh in Kara's mind. "Watch over M'gann for me, make sure she's okay then send her back to work. I want as few distractions as possible," she said curtly.

"Since when is M'gann a distraction—Kara, what is going on?"

"Lena has been kidnapped, no thanks to you!" Kara said vehemently before she could stop herself.

Alex stepped back, hurt. "I thought we talked about that. I talked to Maggie. I'm—I'm going to get help."

Kara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "And I am so, so glad that you are. Really. But you haven't yet, and right now Lena needs me to be at the top of my game. I _have_ to get her back, Alex." Kara looked her sister in the eyes, unsure of how she was feeling towards her at that moment.

Alex leaned in for a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

Kara pushed her away, not seeing the hurt look in her eyes. "It's not your fault. I just—I need to get Lena back. Then we can deal with whatever is going on with you. But right now, she's my priority."

Alex dropped her arms and looked down. "I understand, just—be careful."

Kara looked at her, her eyebrows knitting. "I will." She disappeared too fast for Alex to follow, the breeze blowing her hair into her face. As she fixed it, Maggie walked in.

"You don't think your sister noticed we..." Maggie said with a throaty chuckle.

Alex pursed her lips, feeling that they were still slightly swollen from kissing. "I'm not sure. But I think now's a good time for me to go find Sam, talk to her a little, you know?"

Maggie gave her a quick kiss and held her hand, towing her out the the weapons room. "I think that's a great idea, babe. Look at us, talking through everything and being healthy."

"Yeah, healthy," Alex muttered, thinking of how her sister had rushed off. "Talking through everything."

* * *

Lena had no idea what time it was or how many hours had passed when her mother re-entered the room. It felt like at least a day had gone by but with no sunlight or way to tell time, she couldn't be sure. Her stomach was growling and she had barely slept, poring over the pages that her mother had given her; her eyes were stinging from reading for so long in the dim light from the single lamp on the desk.

"I brought you some lunch," Lillian said as she watched her daughter read through her notes.

Lena tried to count backwards in her head. If it was already lunch time and she'd read almost all night, counting the time she'd been asleep she'd been gone for roughly two days. She looked at the notes she had scrawled in the margins; calculations for a compound that would render the virus inert yet again. From what she'd read, the sample that Lillian held had a slightly different chemical makeup than the original but it wouldn't be too hard to engineer. As she jotted down 'HClO2' in the space between two numbers, she smiled to herself. The way she'd written out her calculations, Lillian almost certainly wouldn't be able to figure out what she was doing.

Lillian saw her daughter pick up the pencil and slid closer, carrying the tray. With Lena's back to her, she pulled out a small dropper and put two drops of a clear liquid into the water before setting the tray down on the mattress. "Have you decided to help the cause yet?"

"Your warm welcome isn't really convincing me." Lena saw the cup of water and suddenly felt her parched throat, keeping her features carefully arranged so her mother couldn't tell.

"I had the chef make you a Caesar salad," Lillian said with a gesture to the tray. "I would've made it myself but I didn't think you'd want to eat anything I prepared."

Lena scoffed. "Making a Caesar salad isn't exactly rocket science. You toss lettuce and croutons together, not that you would know."

"Well, maybe I should take it back then," Lillian said with mock concern, reaching for the tray.

Lena closed her eyes and cursed silently, refusing to feel the humiliation that her mother was trying to force on her. "No. Don't." She felt a stab of anger at Lillian's satisfied smile and looked away.

"Come here, Lena," her mother said in a quiet voice. When Lena didn't move, she repeated the command. "Come _here_."

Refusing to look at her mother, Lena stared at her pencil. Suddenly, she felt a pressure in her skull like someone was trying to hammer their way in. She tried to cry out, but her voice wouldn't work and just when she thought her head was going to burst, it faded away. She felt eerily calm and content, but as though something vile had pervaded her brain. The feeling of peace dissipated as she felt herself stand up. _No!_ She screamed, but no sound came out. _What is this?!_ She could feel her body walking to where her mother stood waiting with a sinister smile on her mouth and she couldn't stop her feet from moving. She had absolutely no control over her own body and though she fought it with everything she had in her, she found herself standing face to face with her mother a few moments later. The pressure withdrew from her skull and she hit the ground, hard, her knees banging into the metal floor.

"I was hoping to avoid doing that so soon," Lillian sighed as she looked down at her daughter. "But I do need to prove a point. I control you completely, and it would benefit you to learn that lesson quickly."

Out of the corner of her eye Lena could see the hooded man from earlier standing in the hallway. "The telepath," she said, getting to her feet. "I thought you hated aliens. Why are you working with them?'

Lillian looked at her nails and took her time before answering. "This is one of the few aliens I have come to realize shares my vision. He believes that all aliens should be eradicated. Initially, he even helped commit genocide against his own people, and now that anger has turned against most of the inhabitants of National City." She pointed to the man and he removed his hood. Lena saw his blue skin and couldn't contain a shudder, connecting his face with the feeling of someone being inside her head. As she watched, his body twisted outward and he grew into a ten-foot-tall, slimy, pale creature with formidable looking teeth and rippling muscles. She stumbled back a step, staring in horror as he dominated the hall, his body warping to fill the spaces between the walls.

"What is that?" she said in a voice that betrayed her fear.

"This is a white martian. His name is Haldrak." Lillian smiled at the creature as it shrunk back into a human form. "I had him take the appearance of something that doesn't exist so that no one could track us down. I also made sure he wasn't affected by the virus I released on the Martians, so only your inferior little alien friends would get sick."

"You're despicable," Lena spat at her mother.

"Despicable though I may be, I'm the one who controls whether you eat, sleep, or drink. Speaking of which, have a sip." She held the cup out to Lena, whose hands stayed at her sides. "Fine," she sighed, and began to tip the cup sideways. Lena saw the first splatter of water hit the ground and reached for the cup, every fiber of her being seething with hatred. "Good girl," Lillian smiled cruelly as she watched Lena sip the water slowly, watched her throat move as she drank.

Like before, the water had a strange chemical taste but Lena couldn't afford to be dehydrated. Swallowing her pride, she drank the water bit by bit, not breaking eye contact with her mother. When the cup was empty, she let it drop to the floor.

Lillian shook her head. "That's not how I raised you. I raised you to treat things with respect."

"No, you raised me by teaching me to destroy anything and anyone in my way to achieve my goals," Lena retorted. "You don't know anything about respect."

"Pick it up, Lena," her mother said in a dangerously calm voice.

With a look at the white Martian, Lena bent down and grabbed the cup. _Just swallow your pride, Lena,_ she said to herself. _And stop expecting people to save you. You're a Luthor. You can save yourself._ As she straightened, she flexed her hands then brought her fist around and smashed the cup against Lillian's face. Her mother staggered back and Lena threw herself on top of her, bringing her down to the ground. She could feel the Martian already pressing against the edges of her mind and fumbled for Lillian's jacket pockets, searching for something, anything that could help her, but it was too late. She rolled of Lillian and lay on the ground, unable to move, her arms laying limply by her sides. She heard a pair of boots enter the room and tried to look around but she couldn't move her head. As she felt the pressure withdraw from her skull, a heavy boot slammed down onto her stomach, knocking the wind out of her; she rolled over onto her side, groaning in pain.

"You bitch," Lillian hissed, standing up and straightening her disheveled clothes. "You really thought you could escape?"

"Where's that respect you taught me about?" Lena gasped out, her hands pressed to her stomach. Her head still ached from the Martian's invading it and she felt as though she would never be able to take a full breath again.

As Lillian opened her mouth to insult her, a man came running down the hallway. "Ms. Luthor, can you come to the control room? I think we have to change course. There's some currents that look like they could move us farther east, and—"

"Fine." She eyed her daughter who was slowly gaining back her breath. "Deal with her," she said to the man who had kicked her before leaving the room.

Lena felt hands pulling her up off the floor and tried to resist, but a gruff voice spoke next to her ear. "Don't fight it, darling. It's more trouble than it's worth." The man's breath smelled strongly of tobacco and she ignored his advice, trying to kick her leg back into the man. He easily evaded it and she felt a prick in the side of her neck, then the world seemed to blur around her. The sensation of being carried came to her as the man brought her over to the mattress and her eyes closed as she fought off unconsciousness.

Just as the world faded away the man leaned over her, brushing the hair out of her face, and she thought she heard him whispering "I'm trying to help," before she let herself slip away.

* * *

"Hey, Ruby. Can I talk to your mom for a second?" Alex stood nervously in the doorway, her hand going to cover her ribs as she took a particularly deep breath out of anxiety.

Ruby twisted around eagerly. "Is Aunt Lena here?" Sam looked at her, the same question written on her face. When she saw Alex's serious expression she opened her mouth to say something to her daughter but Alex had already walked over and bent down to Ruby's height.

"Not yet sweetie, but we think we know where her mom took her," she said with a wince as the motion pulled on her ribs.

Ruby's eyes widened. "Her mom took her? Why would she do that?"

Alex looked at Sam, unsure of what to do. Clearly she hadn't told Ruby who had taken Lena or why, and Alex mentally kicked herself before recovering. "Well, you know how your mom would do anything to protect you?" When Ruby nodded she continued with a wary look at Sam. "Lena's mom isn't like that. She's the head of an evil organization called Cadmus, and we're pretty sure she's the one who took her."

Ruby sat silently and Sam and Alex exchanged a glance, wondering how she would take the news. "People like that shouldn't be moms then," she said with a frown. "Or they should take a class that teaches them how to be better parents," she said seriously.

Sam smiled weakly, relieved. "You're absolutely right, honey. I'm going to go talk to Alex now, can you stay here and get some work done?"

"What are you going to talk about? Is it about Aunt Lena? I already did all my work, there's nothing left to do," Ruby's quick-fire attitude came once the serious air had dissipated from the room.

"It's not about Lena, no," Alex said standing up. She put a hand to her ribs and turned away, hiding her grimace from Sam and Ruby. She knew having sex on the floor of the training room had been a bad idea but she never had good self-control when it came to Maggie. Thankfully, Maggie hadn't taken her shirt off and seen the bruises, or she never would've heard the end of it. She was already riled up about the marks on Alex's neck but had let it go for now. Hearing Ruby whispering to her mom, she turned back with a forced smile. "It'll just take a second."

Sam looked up. "I was just explaining to Ruby that I was going to take you to the med bay to get your neck looked at," she covered Alex's awkwardness smoothly.

Ruby looked up too. "I didn't notice it earlier, but it looks like it hurts." She put a hand to her own neck as she spoke, feeling around it.

"That's sweet of you," Alex said with another smile. "You sure it's okay to leave you here on your own? I mean, I know you're almost a teenager but still..." she looked at Sam.

Sam rolled her eyes. "I know, I can't believe it. Almost fourteen, what am I going to do with you?"

Ruby clasped her hands together. "You could take me with you. Please? I'm so bored."

Sam saw Alex hesitate and was wracking her brain for something to say when Maggie cut in, having heard the last half of their conversation. "I'll hang out with her til you get back," she said with a look at Alex.

"You're a lifesaver," Sam said as Maggie kissed Alex's cheek. "Thanks."

Maggie walked into the room and took Sam's chair. "Hey, Ruby. I'm Maggie. I heard you're almost a teenager?"

"I already am. Are you a police officer? Have you ever shot someone? Do people really try to run away from you when you arrest them? Have you ever been shot?" Ruby's eyes widened when she saw Maggie's badge, remembering her from earlier.

"Slow down there, kid," Maggie chuckled. "Yes, I'm a police officer. I've shot my fair share of people and I've been shot myself. Right here." She pulled down her shirt collar to show her the scar from where Cyborg Superman had shot her with his laser eye. Alex smiled, remembering stitching up the wound the day Maggie had kissed her.

"Whoah," Ruby said in an awestruck tone, leaning forward to get a closer look. Blowing a kiss to Maggie, Alex walked away from the door as Sam followed.

"So what's up? What did you need to talk about?" Sam crossed her arms and looked at Alex expectantly, leaning against the wall.

Alex held her gaze for a moment before looking away, absentmindedly feeling her ribs. "I was going to, uh, ask you if you wanted to join me..."

"Like on a date?" Sam said jokingly. "Cause I don't want to add myself to the list of people your girlfriend has shot."

"No, nothing like that," Alex said quickly. "Actually, to a...a meeting, for—for, um..." she couldn't get the words out of her mouth.

Sam uncrossed her arms and her face turned serious. "You mean an AA meeting."

Alex bit her lip. "Yeah. I just—I just thought, since you already know—I don't know what to expect," she stammered out, scratching her ear, "you know and I just—if I'm by myself I might not go in—it's not great timing, but Kara won't let me help until I—"

"Alex, take a breath. Of course I'll go with you." Sam raised an eyebrow. "If I didn't know you any better I'd say you're as nervous as a boy asking a girl to the prom."

Alex let out a breath of relief, then winced as her ribs shifted. She tried to school her features into a smile quickly but Sam had already noticed and narrowed her eyes. "First, we're going to the med bay," she said in a firm tone.

"Not you too," Alex groaned.

"Me too? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I already showed Kara earlier and she told me the same thing." Alex turned away from Sam but was stopped by Sam's hand on her arm.

"Showed Kara what? Where are you hurt, why didn't she make you go? I'm surprised she didn't force you," Sam said, dropping her arm when she was sure Alex wouldn't dart off.

"I see where Ruby gets her rambling questions from," Alex noted. "She was going to but then—everything with Lena, and she's flying to Ireland right now, and she just has a lot on her plate," she explained. "I was just asking if you would go to the AA meeting with me."

Sam crossed her arms again, giving Alex her best 'mom glare'. "Either you go to the med bay with me right now, or I'm going back into that room and telling your girlfriend you've been walking around with an injury since yesterday."

"Okay, okay, you win," Alex held up her hands in surrender. "I'll go with you."

"Good," Sam smirked. "But that doesn't mean you don't tell Maggie. That's not how this works. If she's going to stick around for you, you can't keep secrets."

Alex sighed in annoyance. "That's not fair, you can't win both ways. Can't I tell her after we get back?"

"No. Tell her right now, or you never will. I know your type, Alex. You think you can do everything on your own, but you don't have to." Sam pointed to the doorway where Maggie and Ruby's laughter could be heard echoing. "Maggie. Now."

"You're as bad as my mother," Alex grumbled under her breath as she stomped to the door. "Hey, Mags? I gotta tell you something real quick."

Maggie looked up and nodded. "Alright, one sec." She pulled her badge off her belt and handed it to Ruby. "I'm not supposed to take this off for civilians, but I'll make an exception for someone as cool as you. Check it out, this is what lets me arrest people." With a wink to Ruby she walked over to where Alex and Sam stood waiting. "What's up babe?"

"Um," Alex looked at Sam and grimaced. "Maybe you want to leave for this part?"

Sam set her jaw. "If I leave you won't tell her. I'm not moving."

"Tell me what?" Maggie looked between the two. "What's going on?"

Alex rubbed at her eyes with a hand before looking up slowly, apprehension clear in her face. "Don't get mad, okay?"

Maggie narrowed her eyes. "And what exactly would I not be getting mad at?"

Checking to see that Ruby was still engrossed with Maggie's police badge, Alex slowly lifted up her shirt. Sam and Maggie both gasped, having not seen her injury until then. The bruises that Kara had seen earlier were even darker now that some time had passed and Alex hadn't done anything to heal them.

"When did this happen?" Maggie said as Alex lowered her shirt.

"When I was fighting in Lena's office," Alex said with a glance at Sam. She looked a little shocked, as though she had never seen battle injuries—which she probably hadn't, being a CFO.

"So you had it when we were doing—y'know—why didn't you say anything? I would've been more gentle, or not done it at all!" Maggie was angry, Alex could see it in her eyes, but concern was dominating her expression.

Alex looked at her sheepishly. "I was enjoying myself. I didn't even feel it at the time." She glanced at Sam, whose face had turned red. "I told you you'd want to leave."

Sam looked away, stepping back. "I wasn't aware that the reason you wanted me to leave was to talk about your sex life, okay? Let's just go."

"Go where? You aren't going anywhere until you get that checked out," Maggie said adamantly.

"I know, I know," Alex reassured her. "I'm heading to the med bay with Sam right now."

"I can stay here and you can go," Sam said quickly seeing the expression on Maggie's face. Before Maggie could agree, Alex jumped in.

"Actually, it would be better if Sam went with me," she said with a nervous look at Maggie. "Because, um, I asked her to come with me to an AA meeting. We'd have to leave right after I got checked out."

Maggie's expression softened immediately as Alex spoke. "Of course, I understand. No problem. I'll stay here with the troublemaker," she said jerking a thumb back at Ruby, who had looked up to where they were hovering by the door.

"Hey, Maggie, can you show me how to shoot a gun?" Ruby called out.

Sam glared daggers at her and Maggie turned back. "I don't think so, kiddo. Maybe I can show you _me_ shooting a gun though," she offered, checking with Sam if it was alright.

"No holes in my daughter," Sam warned as she turned to leave with Alex, "or you won't get your girlfriend back."

Maggie laughed and held a hand up. "Scout's honor," she said before going back to where Ruby was sitting. "Come on, I'll take you down to the training room and show you all the things that Alex likes to hit when she's mad." She took Ruby's hand and they ran off, giggling.

Alex and Sam watched them go. "You know, for someone who says she doesn't see herself as a mom, she sure is good with kids," Sam remarked.

"She mention that to you?" Alex said as they set off for the med bay. She was secretly thankful they were headed there because her ribs were starting to get sore the longer she moved around and she tried not to gasp audibly as they turned the corner.

"Yeah, and that you want kids," Sam said with a sideways glance at Alex, seeing how gingerly she was carrying herself. "Don't worry, she didn't divulge your deepest secrets. She just asked about my being a single mom."

"Looks like she knows more about you than I do. It's fine. I have too many secrets to keep track of anyway," Alex admitted.

"You strike me as that kind of person. You and your sister sure are a secretive pair. I mean, she's a freaking alien but she's out there somewhere sitting at a desk, writing an article about fashion and fall trends, or the late start that winter's having this year."

"She writes things with a little more worth than that."

"I saw. Lena sent me pages from the magazine; Slaver's moon, Alien fight club, Cadmus. I've read all about Supergirl, I just didn't know Supergirl had written it." Sam looked around at the empty med bay. "Well, we're here. Is there a doctor or...?"

Alex sat down on one of the beds, sucking in a breath through clenched teeth. "That would be me. Hi. I'm the doctor." Feeling less pressure with Sam than she had with Maggie to seem unhurt, she was openly grimacing, her hands holding her ribs tightly; her left side felt like it was on fire every time she took a breath.

"You're kidding." Sam looked at her skeptically. "You can't be the only doctor in this whole building."

"Technically, no. But I'm the only doctor I want knowing about this, if possible. So you're just going to have to help me out a little; can you grab that cart and bring it over?" Alex pointed to a cart with some medical instruments, gauze and tape, and Sam wheeled it over.

"What's your plan here? I don't know how to use an x-ray machine and you look like you have a broken rib." Sam bit her lip, her hands resting on the cart.

"I don't _look_ like I have a broken rib," Alex huffed.

"You wince every time you take a breath and you can't walk properly," Sam said matter-of-factly.

"Okay, whatever. And for your information, they aren't broken, there's just two that are fractured. I need you to help me wrap them."

"How do you know you have fractured ribs? Does this sort of thing happen all the time for you?" Sam looked at Alex with a concerned expression. "If I were your boss I'd suggest a long leave of absence, maybe a nice weekend on a tropical island. Just, you know, a solid block of time where you can guarantee no broken bones or injuries. Maybe I should drug you and leave you here to sleep," she said eyeing a needle.

"Haha. Very funny, but I know they're only fractured because my sister has x-ray vision, genius. Can you just—" Alex gestured to her shirt. Sam lifted it up and Alex examined her side closely for the first time. "Shit. That doesn't look too great, does it."

"Are you serious? It looks horrible. How hard did you get hit?"

"That was a rhetorical question, thanks. Thinking back on it, he must've had brass knuckles on or something because you can see the imprint." Alex pointed to the ribs with her right hand, her left lying on the bed; she was afraid to move it around and pull on the injury even more. Sam peered at the purple-blue skin, muttering under her breath. "Hand me that gauze," Alex instructed her. Making sure Sam was holding her shirt up, she stretched out the gauze and started to wrap it around her ribs, cursing loudly. "Fuck me, fuck that hurts!"

Sam grabbed the gauze from her, letting the shirt fall down. "Let's think this through. You said you wanted me to help. So do you want me to wrap this around your ribs, or do you want me to hold up your shirt, effectively doing the same job a piece of tape could achieve?" Alex couldn't answer her because her eyes were tightly closed and her teeth were grinding together to hold in a stream of curses. "Great, so I'll just wrap this around you real quick," Sam said cheerfully, "Before you curse loudly enough that my daughter expands her vocabulary several years too early." She gently went under Alex's arms and taped the end in place before pulling it across her torso.

"Tighter," Alex ground out, sucking in a breath.

"Are you sure? It seems like I'm hurting you," Sam said nervously.

"I've done this before. It needs to be tighter." Alex kept her eyes closed and her hands were gripping the edge of the bed, her knuckles white against the blue blanket. Sam pulled the gauze tighter, wincing along with Alex and stopping every few seconds to mumble "sorry!" When she had gone around twice, Alex motioned for her to cut the end off. She taped it in place, her hands shaking slightly, and looked at Alex for approval.

"That wasn't so bad," Sam said breathily.

"Glad you think so, because you have to do it again." Alex reached for an ace bandage but stopped halfway there as her ribs shifted under the gauze. "Dammit."

Sam picked up the ace bandage and looked at Alex. "Are you kidding me? That was awful enough, now you want me to do it again?"

"You really think my ribs are going to heal with this thin gauze holding them together? Just do it," Alex said determinedly. "The faster you do it, the less cursing you'll have to hear."

"It's not the cursing that's the problem. It's that every time I go over your ribs you wince like I'm stabbing an ice pick into you." Sam started to wrap Alex's ribs, making sure she was pulling the bandage tight enough. She nervously started rambling, trying to pass the time. "So this AA meeting—did you pick it at random, or did someone recommend it?"

"It was the first thing that showed up on Google," Alex answered, hissing as Sam started the third layer.

"Hm. I went to AA meetings. Well, not really AA, it was drug addicts anonymous. It really helped me get through it, seeing that I wasn't alone. And my friends helped too, Lena especially. This one time in college, I passed out in her bathtub after partying a little too hard. Xanax. The next morning, she woke me up by taking a shower; I was still in the tub, fully clothed and everything, she was just standing over me. She didn't say anything about it to me then, but she brings it up every now and then when I fall asleep at work or other odd places." Sam finished wrapping the bandage and fastened it, pulling Alex's shirt down. "Anyways, there we go. Speaking of drugs, do you need some for the pain?"

"I don't need drugs, I need a drink," Alex grumbled as she stood up; Sam's story had taken her mind off the pain and the bandage helped, but her ribs were still throbbing.

Sam laughed at that. "Don't we all," she said as she helped Alex put her jacket on.

Alex smiled at her. "Kara didn't find that nearly as funny as you did."

"I'm sure she didn't. But once you've been through shit like we have, you can joke about it. Look at Lena—half the jokes she makes are about not being loved, never understanding what it's like to have a family." Sam watched Alex carefully for any signs of pain as they headed down the stairs but if the older Danvers felt any discomfort she wasn't showing it.

"Yeah, Kara doesn't find those jokes funny either," Alex grimaced. "Probably because she has a horrible sense of humor, being from a different planet and all."

"Probably because she's in love with Lena Luthor, more like," Sam said knowingly.

Alex turned to her with a surprised look on her face. "She told you?"

"Of course not," Sam scoffed. "It's just painfully obvious to anyone who isn't your sister or Lena."

Alex chuckled. "She's always been pretty oblivious when it comes to matters of the heart. Do you think Lena knows?" She pushed the door open and they walked out onto the street, Alex looking for her car.

"Not sure. I've mentioned it once or twice but she keeps trying to tell me they're just 'really great friends'. Can I tell you something in confidence, though?" Sam said as they approached the car.

"Mmm," Alex grunted in the affirmative as she unlocked the doors, lifting herself into the seat.

"Lena basically bought Cat Co. for her."

Alex sat down heavily, jarring her ribs. She shut her eyes tight and bit her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood, then sat like that for a while with Sam watching her in concern. After a minute she opened her eyes and drew a breath. "Please tell me I misheard you," she said as she started the car.

Sam buckled her seat belt with a smirk. "Nope. Lena Luthor spent seven hundred and fifty million dollars on your little sister. Closer to eight million, after tax."

Alex shifted the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. "Oh my god. How does Kara not realize she likes her? First she invited her to that stupid gala, then she bought her enough flowers for her to open her own floral shop, and then there was that damn statue and now _this?_ " Alex shook her head. "I wish I could buy Maggie a company. Maybe she wouldn't be on my case so much."

"She cares. It's a good thing, Alex." Sam looked over at her friend. "And for what it's worth, I do too. I'm glad you asked me to come with you. I'm glad you decided to go in the first place." She put her hand, palm up, on the seat divider.

Alex glanced down at it before looking back at the road. Without saying anything, she reached down and put her hand in Sam's, holding on to it like it was her lifeline.

* * *

sorry it's been a while, i've had massive writing block /:


	14. 14) AA

Kara landed quietly, whispering into the comm. "I'm here. What am I looking for?"

The feed crackled and Winn's voice came over a hiss of static. "Signal...near the harbor. J'onn..."

Kara pressed the comm deeper into her ear. "I can't really hear what you're saying. What?" She strained her ears as Winn repeated himself, scanning the area with her x-ray vision.

"Head towards the harbor...hard time tracking...water...interrupted the signal."

She listened for the sounds of water, and when the echo of waves lapping at a dock came from the west, she took off. "Do you have exact coordinates?" She narrowed her eyes, trying to see in the dark. She remembered Alex telling her the time was five hours ahead in Ireland, meaning it was almost one in the morning. "I'm looking for a warehouse, right?"

"That was...guess...maybe they're...storage container." Kara landed with a thud and started to look at the street signs around her, barely making them out in the light from the lamps trailing down the road.

"Well, I'm at the Harbour Hotel," she read a brightly lit hotel sign to her left. "It's about as close as you can get, you can smell the water from the parking lot."

"Galway Harbor Company...storage containers...empty?" Winn's question came across in pieces and Kara put it together, heading for the dock. "You're close," Winn said shortly, keeping the explanations to a minimum.

"How close?" Kara said in a frustrated voice, not bothering to keep quiet anymore. She walked between the metal crates listening for signs of life. As Winn started to say something, the hum of a fan made her jerk her head to the right. "Wait." She flew over and ripped the door of one of the storage containers off its hinges, sending it crashing to the ground behind her. "Lena?" she called out, peering into the pitch black mouth of the container. Listening again, she only heard the fan; there was no breath, no heartbeat, no sign that anyone was near her. "Winn. Coordinates," she practically growled, walking further into the container.

"You're there...almost...top of them," Winn answered. "Cadmus...signal...where you are."

Kara stepped forward, the humming in her ears getting louder. When she saw what was making the noise, she cursed. "Dammit."

"Kara?...happened? Is Lena...see her?"

Kara could feel the anger inside her bubbling up as she picked up the computer from the floor of the storage container. "It's just a computer." She looked at the screen that was scrolling through pages of code. "It's running some kind of program. I don't know what this is."

"Maybe...jamming the signal...stop it," Winn instructed her.

Kara hit the power button but nothing happened. She took another look around, searching through the area with her x-ray vision, but there was no one there. Looking back down at the computer in her hands, she pressed the power button again but the code kept scrolling down. With a frustrated yell, she pulled the screen off from the rest of the computer, the glass cracking under the pressure of her grip as the screen flickered and died, leaving her in the dark.

"Kara! Is everything okay?" Winn's voice came uninterrupted through the comm.

Kara breathed heavily before answering, the shattered screen still in her clenched fist. "I stopped it. But Lena isn't here. She's gone."

"It must have been interfering with the comms. It's clear now, but bring back that computer so I can take a look. Cadmus must have rerouted their signal through that computer, which is why when I followed it, it led me to that dock."

"Come back to the DEO, Supergirl," J'onn spoke up. "We will keep looking for her, don't give up yet."

Kara didn't answer either of them, but flew up and landed on the top of the container. She looked around one last time, praying that this time she would see Lena sitting alone somewhere. At this point she was willing to take the sight of Lena lying unconscious, surrounded by Cadmus guards, as long as it meant that she knew where she was, that she could save her. When she was met with nothing but the empty shipyard yet again, she closed her eyes, Lena's words echoing through her mind.

" _Supergirl may have saved me, but Kara Danvers,_ _ **you**_ _are my hero."_

 _Not much of a hero now, am I,_ Kara thought angrily, looking up at the night sky. For all the powers that she had, she couldn't save her friend. She thought about how Lena still believed Supergirl and Kara Danvers were two different people. She thought about how it was just her who was always there to save her and believe in her. Except for now; right now, when Lena needed her the most, she couldn't save her, couldn't even find her.

"Supergirl?" J'onn brought her thoughts back to reality. "Head back here and we'll try to find her another way."

Kara shook her head and held the pieces of the computer tightly to her chest. This was the way to track Lena, the key to finding her. She looked at the broken glass in her hand, wishing that for just a moment she could feel it cutting into her palm, that the pain she was feeling in her heart could be external, could be given a name, a word, a drop of blood. Slamming her fist into the metal, which buckled and screeched under the force, she took off, knocking over the storage container as she flew into the sky.

* * *

Alex pulled into a space, glancing in her rearview mirror as she backed up. She put the car in park and leaned against her seat with a sigh. "Thanks for—you know, coming with me and everything."

"No problem," Sam looked over at her. "What are friends for?"

Alex stared out the windshield and watched the cars go by without saying anything. She didn't feel the need to fill the awkward silence with Sam, because Sam was just like her. She had gone through the same thing and Alex felt that she knew what she was thinking.

Alex was right, because Sam was remembering her first Addicts Anonymous meeting. Her reluctance to go in almost made her turn around and walk the other way, but Lena had been with her—skipping an economics class to attend the meeting with her, not that she needed it. The feeling of companionship, of not being alone, it had helped her tremendously, and if she could be that sounding board for Alex then she was going to try to do her best. She reached out and tentatively put an arm on Alex's shoulder, careful not to frighten the younger woman. When Alex turned back to her, she gave her a smile and nodded to the door. "What time is the meeting?"

"Eight." Alex's voice had gone flat, and she was trying to hide her nervousness.

Sam glanced at the clock on the dashboard. The neon numbers read '19:53' and she raised an eyebrow at Alex. "Well, no pressure but you have about seven more minutes to stare off into the sunset before we have to go."

"You don't have to go in," Alex said, trying to back out at the last second.

"Hey, no. I said I'd go with you, and that's final." Sam saw Alex's urge to run and tried to talk her down. "I know right now the only thing you can think is 'I don't have a problem, I don't need this'. But you do, Alex. Just like I did. And the only way you can have the life you want, with Maggie and kids and the family you've envisioned for yourself—is if you get your ass out of this car and walk in there with me." Sam kept her arm on Alex's shoulder but was wondering if her speech was too much. Alex seemed like a 'tough love' kind of woman but she didn't know how she'd take it. "Plus, you've already wasted the gas getting here," she added as an afterthought.

Her worries melted away when Alex snorted and opened the door. "It was a fifteen minute drive. Gas money? That's all you have to motivate me?" She walked around and met Sam on the sidewalk, blowing air out of her mouth. "Well, here goes nothing." She glanced at Sam. "You know, I've been to other planets? Maaldoria, in fact. Slaver's Moon. I got there through a transmat portal that we weren't even sure would work in getting us back to Earth. I wrestled with an alien I'd never seen before while he was shooting at me, and got this cool gun from it." She rested her hand on the gun and took a deep breath, feeling the muscles around her ribs move and wincing. "I even got punched by some crazy guy and walked around with fractured ribs for a day and a half."

"And this is still the scariest thing you've ever done," Sam said in understanding. She was a little awestruck by Alex's story but pushed past it, moving her hand slowly off the gun. "Let's not shoot anyone by accident, alright? You can do this." She glanced at her watch, seven fifty-seven. "It's crunch time, Danvers. Let's go." She watched Alex carefully until the agent took a step forward, then followed her down the stairs to the door. As they entered, she saw Alex's entire frame tense when she saw the ring of chairs in the middle of the room, about half of them filled with people talking amicably to each other. "Do you want me to call Maggie?" Sam muttered under her breath, feeling a little nervous herself at the familiar sight.

"No, no!" Alex said a little too vehemently. A few people looked over, then went back to chatting among themselves. "I didn't ask her to come with me for a reason. I feel like she doesn't really understand, not like you do. That's why I asked you."

Sam smirked. "We could always pretend to be a couple," she joked, "If you're that desperate for my attention."

"We could," Alex said, looking at her seriously.

Sam tried to backpedal, but seeing the look in Alex's eyes she bit her lip. "If that's what'll get you through this, I'll do it." She set her jaw. "I haven't been to an open meeting in a while, I could use a refresher course." As Alex reached for her hand, she took it awkwardly, then relaxed as Alex pulled her to the chairs, the feeling of holding her hand coming naturally to her. They sat next to each other and when Sam went to pull her hand away, Alex tightened her grip and Sam leaned over to whisper in her ear. "Not to sound like a wuss, but I'm kind of scared of your girlfriend, so you better explain why you held my hand for an hour on a Friday night while she watched my kid."

Alex smiled. "Maggie won't get jealous, she isn't that kind of person. But don't worry, I will. She'll understand this, at least." She looked up as one of the men started talking.

"Welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm Matthew, I've been sober for twelve years, and I lead the group here Friday nights. I'm glad to see some returning faces, as well as some new ones," he said with a nod at Alex and Sam. "I'll have us go around and introduce ourselves, but first, I'd like to explain a few things." He cleared his throat and straightened his tie; Alex noticed that despite the fact that they were in a glorified high school gym, he was wearing a nice shirt and slacks, and she rolled her eyes at how seriously everyone seemed to take this, her hand loosening around Sam's as she relaxed into the chair. "First," Matthew started, "Anonymous. Outside of this room, no one should be telling anyone what they see, hear, or say. Second, you can lie about your name, but you shouldn't lie about who you are. This is a place of healing, even though it doesn't look like it." He gestured to the empty room and the group laughed nervously, breaking the ice. "Lastly, I know that you have come here because you want to help yourself. I want to say, I'm proud of each and every one of you." He looked around the circle, his gaze resting on Alex a little longer than the others. "The first step is acceptance. Whether you realized it yourself or your friends and family helped you come to the realization, whatever the reason may be, you're here now. You have a long journey ahead of you, but you all have the strength to make that journey. Now let's begin with the introductions. I'll say a little about myself and we'll go around clockwise." Alex let out a breath, seeing that she and Sam were close to the end. "As I said, I've been sober for twelve years. My drink of choice was tequila, and we had a great time together, tequila and I. Lots of parties, lots of late nights out. Lots of headaches in the morning, too," he chuckled. "I schedule my meetings for Friday nights because it's one of the biggest partying nights of the week; you finish work, you stop by the bar with a few friends. It started like that for me but then I couldn't stop myself. I needed to be drunk to get through the day. I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning before I opened my eyes and saw how destructive my behavior was, and then I decided to get help." He smiled and gestured for the next person to start.

Alex watched as each person introduced themselves. She could see the tension in the way they were sitting and the moment that they said out loud to the room that they were alcoholics, they would relax. Some people who were clearly regulars weren't as nervous, their introductions seeming almost rehearsed, but they still took a breath before they said the words aloud. As they moved along the ring, her hand tightened on Sam's until her knuckles were white, her other hand fidgeting with her jacket zipper. She rolled her shoulders as the person next to her started to speak, trying to get the knots out of her muscles. She felt Sam squeeze her hand and realized with a jolt that everyone was looking at her, waiting for her to speak. She cleared her throat nervously and let Sam's hand drop. "Hi. I'm, um, I'm Alex."

"Hi, Alex," the group echoed in unison.

"I have what you could call a stressful job, and I'm—well, I'm—" Alex cleared her throat again and swallowed. "I'm an alcoholic." The words hung in the air as the group waited for her to continue, and she felt a drop of sweat drip down the back of her neck. "I drink almost anything, mainly scotch or whiskey. I started drinking in college, at parties and social events," she said with a glance at Matthew, "And it went downhill from there. I was an alcoholic then, too, but my sister helped me work through it. But lately I've been having a hard time at work and I've fallen back on old habits, so here I am." She bit her lip, waiting for someone to say something.

"We're glad to have you, Alex," Matthew said with a smile before turning to Sam with an expectant look on his face.

"Oh, she's my—she's just—" Alex looked at Sam, unsure of what to say.

"I'm here with Alex," Sam said with a smile, taking Alex's hand easily. "But I'm also here for myself. I know AA doesn't always welcome outsiders, but I do have some experience with addiction. My name is Sam. I struggled with drug addiction in college," she said smoothly. "I got in with the wrong crowd and ended up hooked on benzos," she explained, "But I went through treatment and therapy and I've been sober for almost nine years now."

"Congratulations, Sam. You are, of course, welcome here," Matthew said then adjusted his body, turning back to the group. "Now, what do we know about addiction so far?"

"It's a disease," Alex heard herself saying before she could stop herself. "At least, that's what someone told me," she mumbled, looking down at Sam's hand in her lap.

"Very good," Matthew nodded. "Addiction is a disease. Your brain forms new pathways and essentially re-teaches itself how to function with whatever drug you use consistently, alcohol, benzodiazepines," he said with a look at Sam, "in your system. You look at a brain scan of a chronic smoker, and you'll see that not only has the nicotine addiction affected his overall health, but the shape of his brain has changed, and the way that the neurons fire when stimulated by the drug."

As he continued talking, Alex felt herself relax. His voice had a natural flow, like water, and she found herself listening to everything he said. She laughed as other members joked about blacking out in bizarre places; a woman told a story about a group of her girlfriends trying to get her to sit down for an intervention and she had run around the room telling them she wasn't drunk while holding a half-empty bottle of vodka. Sam told the story of when Lena took a shower with her passed out in the tub, adding a few details Alex hadn't heard and she had the group in stitches by the end. She was a little taken aback when some people started to joke about attempts they'd made on their lives, then a man named Randy said something that struck a chord in her.

"I never did anything to actively try to end my life," he started, "but I was definitely suicidal. I would drink and smoke and walk around the streets at night in the middle of winter, hoping I would pass out and fall asleep and freeze to death. Or I would cross the street without look, hoping a car would hit me. I used to be a construction worker, and whenever I found myself high up, I'd walk a little too close to the edge, not ready to throw myself off but also not willing to stay within the safety of stable ground beneath my feet. I didn't want to die, but I wasn't interested in living anymore."

Alex swallowed, thinking of all the battles she'd rushed into without knowing what she was facing, all the doors she'd kicked down now knowing what was on the other side, all the times she'd run into gunfire or aliens or both.

"I constantly put myself into dangerous situations, hoping one day something would happen," Randy continued. "And one day, something did, but nothing like I was expecting. I was walking on the side of a highway, re-paving the shoulder around midnight, when a car drove by and threw a cardboard box out of the window. A little dog crawled out, and I ran for it, realizing too late that there was a car coming straight for me. I expected it to hit me, but there was a screeching of tires and headlights flooded my sight; the driver had seen my reflective vest and swerved to the side, almost crashing the car to avoid hitting me." Everyone was on the edge of their seats, and Alex noticed that Sam's hand was still in hers as they listened to Randy's story. "I apologized to the driver, and she asked why I was in the middle of the road. When she saw the puppy, her heart just melted and she asked me if it was my dog. I said no, someone had just thrown it out of the window and driven off without it and she offered to drive with me to the nearest shelter. Right then, I quit my job and got in the car with her, and we've been married for nine years now. I've been sober for eight of them and I keep coming to these meetings hoping to help someone else find their best life." By the time Randy finished, everyone had tears in their eyes, even Matthew, who had presumably heard the story before. The time passed too quickly and before she knew it, everyone was standing up and going over to water coolers.

"Alex?" A voice at her shoulder made her turn and she saw Matthew's tie before his face; he was a good head taller than she was.

"Yeah. Matthew, right?" She sipped the water and looked over at Sam who was chatting with Randy.

Matthew nodded. "I think it's really sweet that your girlfriend came with you, I remember my first meeting being so nervous that I was alone."

"Oh, she's—yeah, it's sweet," Alex finished lamely, not sure what else to say. She was glad that Sam had come with her and felt that having someone by her side was better, but felt a little awkward when she realized Matthew thought they were dating. She took a breath and decided to explain herself. "I mean, she's not really my girlfriend. I'm dating someone else."

"Maybe it's your personal life that's stressing you out, not your job," he joked as he glanced at Sam.

"No, it's not like that," Alex tried to clarify. "My girlfriend isn't—she doesn't really have experience with this...kind of thing. But Sam does, so I asked her to come. My girlfriend knows about it."

"I was only kidding, I'm not trying to pry." Matthew smiled. "I actually came to ask if you had a sponsor."

"Sponsor? Like for staying sober?" Alex was confused. "I don't even know where to get one of those, so no."

Matthew reached for a cup of water. "Well I came over here to ask if you wanted me to be your sponsor."

"You?" Alex was taken aback. "But you don't know me at all. I thought sponsors had to...I don't know, be sure of whoever they're...sponsoring..." she trailed off, looking at Matthew for confirmation.

Matthew chuckled. "In business, yes. But you'll find that we get to know each other rather quickly around here. That's what happens when you share your deepest, darkest secrets. You have to start somewhere, right?"

Alex nodded slowly. "Right. Okay, I'd like that," she said with a small smile.

"Great. Here's my number, call me anytime you feel like you need to talk. We can have a more formal meeting tomorrow around noon in my office, if you're free." Matthew held out a business card and finished his water. "It's downtown."

"Um, sure." Alex took the card and read the small printed words. "You don't have a last name?"

"Like I said, Alcoholics _Anonymous,_ " Matthew said with a wink. "I mean it though," he continued seriously, "Any time you feel like you need to talk, give me a call." He walked away to talk to another woman, leaving Alex to read his card again.

"What's that?" Sam asked as she sidled up to Alex.

"I think I just got a sponsor?" Alex said as she held the card out to Sam. Sam read it over and handed it back with a smile.

"That's great. I think that's really great, Alex. You're making progress. Did he say when your first one-on-one meeting is?"

"Tomorrow? At noon? And he said to give him a call whenever—is that a thing?" Alex looked at Sam in confusion. "I mean, does he really mean anytime?"

"Oh, definitely," Sam said as they walked towards the exit. "I called my sponsor exclusively during the satan hours when I first started meeting with her," she said, pushing the door open.

"Satan hours? What are you talking about?"

Sam laughed. "Sorry, little inside joke. The satan hours are what we called the hours after midnight, say, two to five, where that bottle of pills or handle of scotch starts to look real friendly. Before the sun comes up, when time seems to stretch out and the seconds feel like hours?"

"I think I know what you're talking about," Alex said as they got in the car. "But I don't plan on calling him."

"Alex." Sam closed the car door and looked at her friend, her voice lowering in seriousness. "You should call him if you need to. This is how you get better. Don't throw it away."

Alex held Sam's gaze for a minute before breaking away to start the car. "Fine. You win." She shifted into drive and started down the street.

"And look, if you don't feel comfortable calling your new good friend Matthew, you can always give me a ring. I'm usually up doing work anyways. Speaking of which, how's the search for Lena?" Sam's brow knit in concern as she thought about the CEO. "Isn't it the longer someone is missing, the harder it is to find them?"

"That would be true if we didn't have actual aliens on our side," Alex reasoned. "I say we head back to the DEO and see where they've gotten before you and Ruby head home."

"I'm not going to be thrilled if your girlfriend's teaching her how to kill someone with a stapler or something," Sam groaned.

Alex chuckled, wincing as her ribs jarred with the motion. "Nah, that's more my style. But don't worry about it, Maggie's secretly a real softie when it comes to taking care of people."

Sam eyed her. "I heard. I also heard that you two did it in the training room yesterday, the training room that my daughter is probably in right now with no idea what a pair of sinners you two are."

Alex's face turned beet red. "I told you to leave for that part of the conversation. It's your own fault."

"Eyes on the road, Danvers," Sam laughed. "I want to get back to my daughter before your girlfriend ruins all my good parenting."

* * *

Kara was furious when she got back to the DEO. About five minutes had been wasted because she'd gotten distracted flying back over the Atlantic. She'd been thinking about Lena the whole time and hadn't realized she had veered way too far to the south until she saw the tip of Brazil and had to course-correct halfway across. She stormed up to the desk where Winn was waiting, and slammed the broken computer down, her cape billowing behind her. "Find her." Without another word, she spun on her heel and stomped away, heading for the training room, leaving Winn to stare after her with a worried expression. When she got there, she saw to her dismay that it wasn't empty; Alex and Sam were watching Maggie spar with Ruby. The cop was moving in exaggerated slowness, showing Ruby how to disarm someone with one of the wooden training knives.

"Hey, K—Supergirl," Sam said, quickly covering her slip with a look at her daughter.

"Where's Lena?" Ruby turned to see Supergirl glaring at the ground.

"I didn't find her. We're trying something else," Kara said shortly, not looking up.

"Sam, why don't you and Ruby head home? It's been a long day and I think I tired her out," Maggie cut in quickly, remembering Kara losing control and scorching Lena's couch in a moment of anger.

Sam reached for Ruby's arm. "Come on, honey. Time to go home."

"Can't I stay and help look for Aunt Lena?" Ruby whined with a look at Supergirl.

"No. It's almost ten o'clock, you've stayed up too late as it is." As Ruby opened her mouth to argue, her mom raised an eyebrow and she let herself be led away with one last glance at Maggie.

"Thanks for teaching me how to fight, Agent Sawyer."

"Call me Maggie," she said with a smile. "No problem, come back anytime. You be good for your mom, alright?" Maggie smiled as Ruby waved, trailing after her mother.

As she passed Alex, Sam put a hand out and touched her arm lightly. "Don't forget what I said."

"I won't," Alex nodded. "Thanks."

They watched the Arias family leave and close the door, then Kara flung out a fist, knocking a training dummy across the room.

"What happened?" Alex asked, taking a step toward her sister.

"She wasn't there." Kara's answer was clipped and she headed towards the table with the knives on them. She started to throw them at the target and many of them missed, burying themselves into the wall from sheer force or just breaking as they struck the concrete.

Alex and Maggie shared a look and they decided to wait out the storm. "So what did Sam mean, remember what she said?" Maggie asked, trying to pass the time until Kara calmed down.

"She told me to call her anytime I needed to is all," Alex answered.

"Call her? I thought you said you got a sponsor, Matthew?"

"Yeah, about that...I hope you aren't mad but I think that he thinks she's my girlfriend."

Maggie laughed over the sound of metal crunching under Kara's unyielding fists. "Why would they think that?"

Alex bit her lip. "Maybe...because we were...holding hands?"

Maggie's smile fell and she raised an eyebrow. "Wow. Okay, something you want to tell me, Alex?"

"It's not like that," Alex said quickly. "I just needed someone to—to be there, and she—she told me to tell you!"

"She's a smart lady," Maggie said in a biting tone. As Alex floundered around, her face turning redder, Maggie started to laugh, unable to keep a straight face. "I'm kidding Alex. I have no problem with that. I won't pretend that I understand what you're going through, but if you need to hold someone's hand to get through it, that's fine with me." As Alex let out a relieved sigh, Maggie crossed her arms. "But you have to promise to love me, and only me. I'm a one-woman kind of girl, Danvers. I don't do jealousy and I don't do drama. If Sam crosses a line, I'll use her for target practice."

"Absolutely. Of course. I love you." Alex leaned in to kiss her, feeling Maggie smile against her lips.

"This is progress, babe. I'm proud of you." Maggie wound her fingers into Alex's hair and started to deepen the kiss when Kara interrupted.

"Speaking of progress, we haven't made any in the search for Lena."

"There it is," Alex mumbled against Maggie's lips before turning to face her sister. "So what happened?" she asked again.

"I flew all the way to Ireland to discover that the Cadmus signal Winn tracked was just a computer. Freaking Ireland! It's just green, green, some sheep and more green. And I brought the computer back and he still hasn't found her."

"Calm down, Kara. When did you get back?" Maggie asked.

"Ten minutes ago."

Alex sighed. "Kara, you have to give him more time than that, come on. He's trying his best. You know as well as I do that everyone wants to find Lena."

"You don't understand, she could be dead! Or her mother could be torturing her, or—or she could be dying—"

"Actually, I do understand," Alex cut her off. She closed her eyes as memories of being trapped in a cage came back to her. The sensation of water flooding her mouth and nose choked her for a moment and only Maggie's hand on her arm steadied her as she stifled the urge to ask if they wanted to get a drink. _No, you can't do that anymore_ , Alex said to herself. She opened her eyes to see Kara and Maggie looking at her with concern.

"Alex, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—to bring it up," Kara said haltingly. "I just don't know what to do."

Maggie walked over and stood in front of Kara, lifting her head with a finger. "Hey, look at me Kara. You remember when Alex was missing, how I went crazy?" Kara nodded, not looking up. "And do you remember how you talked me out of helping a criminal, an actual _murderer_ , break out of jail just to get her back?" Kara nodded again. "Well this is me, talking you down. Don't do anything crazy, okay? We will get her back. Everyone is doing their best, and we will find her. Take a minute for yourself, then go home and get some sleep; you'll need a clear head for tomorrow."

Kara finally looked up. "Tomorrow! Oh god, I have to run Cat Co."

"What?" Maggie said in surprise, dropping her hand.

"Sam mentioned that Lena bought Cat Co. for you," Alex said smugly, proud to know something that Maggie didn't for once.

"She didn't buy it _for me_ ," Kara started, "It's because James has to go to D.C. And she's a smart business woman. And, and Sam was taking over for her at L-Corp and..." she fell silent under Maggie's withering stare.

"She just _bought_ you a company and you're seriously still telling me you're just good friends?" Maggie's eyes narrowed.

"That's not what's important," Kara said in an exasperated tone. "She's _missing_ , and I have to run Cat Co. while she's gone! I don't know how to do that!"

"Isn't James still there?" Alex asked.

"He's leaving early. He has to go to D.C. sooner than he thought but he said he'd 'show me the ropes'." She made quotes in the air. "This is a disaster."

"No, it's not. Take Maggie's advice. Go home, get some sleep, and get to Cat Co. early tomorrow." Alex leaned in to hug her sister. Kara started to wrap her arms around her, but stopped herself.

"Did you ever get those checked out?" She said with a glance at Alex's ribs.

"Yes," Alex said defensively, looking back at Maggie. "I went with Sam."

"She did," Maggie spoke up. "I saw them leave."

"So if I hug you right now it won't hurt?" Kara said with a suspicious look at Alex's face.

"Um, no?" Alex said but she dropped her arms and stepped back with a guilty look in her eyes. "I mean, they're wrapped."

"Alex, I swear to Rao you are so—ugh." Kara rolled her eyes. "Did you take any painkillers or have you just been walking around like an ace bandage can hold you together?"

"The...second one?" Alex said, avoiding her gaze. "You know I don't like drugs!" she said with a frown, seeing Kara's disapproving glare.

"I'm not going home until I see you swallow painkillers, or I'll inject you with something myself," she threatened.

"I agree with your sister," Maggie added, blocking the door. "I thought when you said you were going to the med bay that you'd actually get them fixed, not just wrap some tape around them."

Alex eyed her sister and her girlfriend. "Since when do you two gang up on me?"

"Since always. Let's go or I'll carry you myself," Kara set her jaw.

Imagining the embarrassment she'd feel if her coworkers saw her sister carrying her upstairs, Alex gave in. "I could just shoot you, you know," she scoffed as Kara grabbed her wrist in an iron grip.

"You could, but I don't advise it." Kara dragged Alex out of the room, Maggie following them.

"Kara, you can let go of me, I'm going," Alex whined.

"You sound like a child," Maggie remarked from behind them, and Alex turned to stick her tongue out at her. "Child," Maggie repeated with a grin.

"I'm not going to let go of you until you're drugged up. If I can't find Lena, I can sure as hell fix the little things in life, like your ribs." Kara refused to relinquish her grip until they got to the med bay. Alex sat down on the bed with a huff as Maggie closed the door and walked over.

"I should've known you wouldn't take care of yourself," Maggie said with a sigh, stroking Alex's back. "What're you looking for?" she asked Kara, who was rifling through the cabinets.

"Percocet. J'onn mentioned that he had some in here for really bad field injuries that we can't take to the hospital—alien poison that they don't have equipment for, that sort of thing. And here it is," she said as she rattled a bottle in her hand triumphantly.

Alex frowned. "Can't I just take an Advil or something?"

"No," Kara said firmly, shaking out two pills. Tilting her head, she shook a third one out before closing the bottle. "That looks right," she said, remembering seeing J'onn giving them to another agent. She dropped them into Alex's hand and handed Maggie the rest of the bottle.

"What's this for?" Maggie asked, holding out the bottle.

"New dose every six hours, if she's in pain. Which, let's face it, she won't tell you about, so just make her take them."

Maggie pursed her lips at Kara's explanation but said nothing and pocketed the bottle, the pills shaking around. "I'll bring the car around," she excused herself, leaving the two sisters on their own.

Alex stared at the small, oblong pills. "This seems like a lot, you know." The yellow color looked sickly in the light, and she tilted her palm. She'd never liked pills; the idea that you never knew how much you were taking had never appealed to her. At least with drinks, you had to feel each one as it went down. That was half of the fun. With another glare and Kara, she tossed her head back and swallowed them.

"Open your mouth," Kara instructed.

"Are you kidding me?" Alex said, raising her eyebrows.

"Fine." Kara looked down at Alex's torso, her eyes seeing something that Alex couldn't. "Alright, you swallowed them."

"Did you seriously just use your x-ray vision to see my stomach contents because that is disgusting," Alex made a face. "That's an abuse of power."

"Sorry, big sis. Can't take any chances with you." Kara sat on the bed on Alex's uninjured side and rested her head on her shoulder. "I'm just worried about you." She took a deep breath for what felt like the first time in hours, remembering the panicked feeling she'd felt as she was flying across the ocean to get to Lena.

Alex put her arm around Kara, pulling her closer. "I know. I'm sorry about Lena, I really am." She sighed. "Life sucks sometimes, doesn't it."

"Yeah, it does." Kara sniffled, snuggling into her sister's side. "At least you'll feel better soon."

When Alex's head started to droop, Kara leaned her sister back so she was lying on the bed. "Wow, those drugs work fast," Alex mumbled, her eyes closing. "At least my ribs don't hurt anymore."

"I told you," Kara said with a smirk. Maggie came back into the room and raised her eyebrows.

"That was quick." Maggie walked up to them and looked at Alex's peaceful face.

"Yeah, I gave her the same dose that I saw J'onn give Agent Barrow."

Maggie looked at Kara, confused. "Isn't that guy like six-foot-two? And weighs almost two hundred pounds?"

"Yup. I figured she needed the sleep." Kara looked down at her sister and kissed her forehead.

Alex mumbled something and Maggie leaned forward, trying to catch her words. "What was that, babe?"

"Changed my mind," Alex mumbled again. "I like drugs." She smiled and opened her eyes a fraction to see Maggie looking at her. "Hi."

"Great," Maggie snorted. "Now that she's graduated from alcoholism, she can develop a drug problem."

"Hey, 'm righh here," Alex said incoherently. "Not fair."

Kara looked at Maggie. "Can you take it from here?"

Maggie shrugged, holding Alex's hand. "I think she'll end up staying the night, doesn't look like she's going to move anytime soon." Kara rubbed her eyes and looked away, fatigue evident in her movements. "And I think maybe you should stay here too," she added. "You don't look like you could make it half a block before you fell out of the sky."

Kara sighed. "You may be right," she said in a defeated tone.

Maggie saw her eyeing her sister's bed and smiled. "Go on. I've got to head to the station anyway," she lied.

Kara smiled gratefully and climbed into the bed with her sister. She closed her eyes, wriggling herself closer to Alex's body. Maggie pulled the blanket over both of them before kissing Alex goodnight, inhaling her scent. The leathery smell that always clung to her girlfriend even when she wasn't wearing a leather jacket comforted her and she sighed. As she left, she turned back to see Alex throw an arm around Kara and settle into the bed and she smiled to herself. Her life had taken some wild turns lately but her girlfriend was getting better and it seemed like she had a great relationship with all the people she as close to.

Walking to her car, Maggie thought about her evening with Ruby. She'd shown her her badge and gun, and even taken her down to the shooting range and fired a few rounds. Ruby had asked if she could shoot her gun, and Maggie had managed to distract her with the promise of teaching her how to fight. They'd started with some basic punches, then taken a break for pizza, when Ruby had asked how she knew she loved Alex. Maggie hadn't known what to say, only that whenever she saw Alex her heart felt ten times bigger and everything seemed shinier, and Ruby had told her about a boy she liked at school. They had talked about love for a while before Ruby saw the training knives and demanded the Maggie teach her how to fight with those, and by the time Alex and Sam had shown up Maggie hadn't realized that the hour had passed already. They'd continued to fight as Alex talked to Sam in the corner until Kara showed up, and Maggie was coming to the realization that teaching Ruby felt right, and happy and rewarding. She didn't know why but she suddenly felt like she wanted to teach a kid, her own kid. And despite what she had said to Alex, she knew part of her reluctance _had_ been from her own father not accepting her for who she was, and the fear that it had broken something inside of her. She had felt that pain for years, carried it around until Alex had shown her how to forgive her father and forgive herself, and Maggie was afraid of one day hurting her own child like that.

As she started to drive home, she thought about everything Alex had said; about wanting kids with her and a family and a full, happy life. Maggie knew she would have to talk to her about it again, but she wasn't sure where she stood anymore. She didn't know if her suddenly wanting kids would change her as a person, and even though Alex desperately wanted kids, she was afraid that Alex wouldn't love the new her, this version of Maggie that also wanted to be a mother. Walking into her apartment, Maggie crashed onto her couch and fell asleep, dreaming of the life she would build with Alex and the house where they would raise their children.


	15. 15) Yellow Submarines

Lena was dreaming of running.

In her dream, she was sprinting through a maze of metal hallways that never seemed to end. Her lungs burned and her legs trembled violently with the effort of keeping her moving but she somehow knew that if she stopped she would die. Each time she came to a turn in the hallway she would frantically look down each one but she always turned left. Her analytical mind was no help to her now; the hallways varied in length and she had no idea how they didn't run into each other. Her breaths were coming in faster and faster pants and sweat was dripping into her eyes as she blundered her way down each narrow hall. Hearing a roar behind her, she forced herself to look back and screamed. The white Martian that Lillian had introduced her to was standing at the end of the hall and his pale flesh seemed to glisten as she squinted at it. She froze, her momentum bringing her tumbling to the ground.

The Martian's arm was twisting, elongating, reaching for her, and she screamed again, her heart pounding so hard she felt her chest would burst. She scrambled back desperately, her hands scratching against the rough floor, trying to put some distance between her and the alien. Just as the pale hand seemed to close around her throat and she thought she could smell rotting flesh, a shadow swooped in front of her and knocked it aside. Gasping, Lena tried to make out the shadow but it had disappeared and she saw with a flash of panic that the alien was lunging for her again; her eyes widened and she screamed herself awake as the shadow swooped in again.

She sat bolt upright, her hands reaching for her throat to knock away the alien's hand. Her face was beaded with sweat and her legs were knotted in the blanket that she had kicked around in her sleep. The only sound she could hear was the echo of the alien's guttural roar in her ears and when it faded away she heard someone gasping. With surprise she realized the noise was coming from her and she took a deep breath, pressing a hand to her chest.

"What happened?" Lillian's voice barked, startling her. She hadn't realized she wasn't alone until then and looked over to see her mother sitting at the desk. She was talking to the Martian, who Lena saw was in his blue humanoid form, standing at the doorway. His face was contorted in a grimace and he was holding his head as though he was in pain.

"I don't know. Something interrupted the bond before I finished the hallucination." He appeared confused, rubbing his temples as he glared at Lena. "I am not sure what caused it."

Lena narrowed her eyes at her mother. "I should've known you would be behind any nightmares I was having."

Lillian stood angrily and approached the bed with a snarl. "That's not how you speak to your mother."

"You aren't my mother." Lena glared at her mother. Lillian's jaw clenched and she slapped Lena across the face again, hitting her squarely on her yellowing bruise from the police baton. She looked satisfied with herself when Lena cried out in pain, flinching away from her mother; she had almost forgotten about the first injury, with only some slight stiffness to remind her it was there, but Lillian's slap reopened the gash at her hairline. Feeling her skin split, Lena put a hand to her head and it came away painted in red; the cut stung as her sweat mixed with blood and dripped down her face. The pain woke her up and her spine stiffened.

"What did you do?" Lillian growled. "How did you break his concentration?" Her eyes were flashing, furious.

Lena refused to answer her, wincing as she pressed her palm to the cut.

"How did she do it?" Lillian repeated, turning to the Martian. He squinted at Lena and she felt the same probing pain from before, gritting her teeth to keep herself from crying out again.

He knit his eyebrows then looked back at Lillian's annoyed expression. "She doesn't know."

"Doesn't know what?" Lillian leaned down to within inches of her daughter's face and looked into her eyes. Lena stared back defiantly, lowering her hand and feeling blood spill out of the cut.

"She doesn't know how she did it," he answered in a confused tone.

Lillian narrowed her eyes then straightened up smoothly. "Fine." She walked to the door. "There's more water on the desk and your salad from yesterday. Keep working on the calculations." The Martian left the room and Lillian followed.

"In your dreams," Lena spat as her mother pulled the door closed.

"My dreams are your nightmares, and you'll regret this," Lillian said forebodingly, locking the door as she left Lena to stare at her reflection in the desk mirror. The sight of her own blood made her empty stomach queasy and she got up to turn the mirror around, but a spell of vertigo hit her and she lay back down. She stared at the ceiling for a few minutes waiting for the bleeding stop, her college science courses running randomly through brain. Days and nights spent in the lab dissecting frogs and rats, a list of cranial nerves, vascular and arterial pathways. Despite all her knowledge, the only thing she could focus on was a trivial fact that she had learned as a child when she had fallen from a tree and gotten a small cut under her right eyebrow. Lex had been the only one there to comfort her and he'd brought her into the bathroom and cleaned up the cut.

She remembered his hands gently wiping the blood from her face and telling her there was no need to cry, everything was going to be alright, and not to get scared about all the blood because head wounds always bled more than others. Remembering how kind her brother used to be made tears prick at the backs of her eyes and she sat up slowly, making her way over to the desk. She reached for the cup and drank eagerly; she had gotten used to the chemical taste of the water but when she used a handful to wash her face, she cried out as it rushed over her open cut. It stung much worse than water should have and she cursed under her breath as she steadied her hands in preparation to clean out the cut. Grinding her teeth, she used the last few drops to wash it out, letting a torrent of curses fall from her lips as she did so. When that was done, she looked down at the wilted salad with apprehension before choking it down. It was all she had eaten in over a day, but she barely noticed the taste, already thinking of how to escape. People must have noticed she was gone by now, someone must be searching for her.

 _Maybe Kara has to write an article about my going missing,_ she thought with a smirk, but it faded quickly. Maybe Kara was mad at her, considering she had almost gotten Alex killed. She knew Kara was soft-spoken and never really got angry with people, but the few times Lena had seen her lose her cool they had been over her sister. With a sigh, she sat down at the desk and started looking through the papers again. She re-read the notes she'd left in the margins, stringing the chemicals together in her mind. The only way to cancel out the toxic chemical in the virus was to effectively kill the entire thing—which Lena had done once before, but this strain seemed to be more aggressive. She couldn't figure out what her mother had done to the virus, and everything she tried until then hadn't worked when she'd run it through her mind. There was always a compound left over that Lena couldn't neutralize; it looked to her like sarin gas, which was usually used in chemical warfare, but with the other alien compounds mixed in with it she wasn't sure how to destroy it. She picked up the pencil and scribbled ' _sarin?'_ in the bottom corner of the page before hearing the door open again.

Bent over her work, she didn't turn around. "Come back to knock some sense into me, mother?"

With her back to the door, she didn't see the white martian morph into a more feminine form, but the voice that spoke from behind her was unmistakable. "Lena!"

She jerked away from the desk, knocking the chair backwards as she turned to the doorway. "Alex?" she said in disbelief. "Alex, how are you here?" The older Danvers looked a lot more worse for wear; her clothes were ragged and dripping with water, her right eye was swollen shut and there were cuts across her face. "Alex!" She rushed forwards as Alex stumbled, barely catching her in time. "Alex can you hear me?"

"I ran out of the room," Alex said as she sank to her knees, Lena supporting half of her weight. "I got away from them, but they're coming."

"Who's coming? Alex, look at me. What happened? Where's Kara?" Lena kneeled down and tried to make sense of Alex's rambling.

Alex opened her mouth to answer, but her eyes widened in fear at the sound of boots stamping down the hall. "They're here," she whispered, clutching her swollen eye. "I have to tell you!"

"Tell me what?" Lena looked up as two men walked into the room, one of them with a taser in his hands. "Alex, what is it?!" she said frantically.

Without hesitating, the man jabbed the taser against Lena's arm and she felt the electricity jolt through her body. She couldn't control her shaking limbs and she fell to the ground, Alex slipping from her arms. Her jaw clenched and shivers wracked her body as she saw the man drag Alex off the ground kicking and screaming. He handed Alex off to another guard and as she was being dragged out of the room, he leaned over Lena and after a sharp _zap_ she felt the voltage course through her again. Her eyes started to roll up into her head and she could barely hear Alex screaming down the hall over her own cries of pain, but she made out the brunette's last words before she was out of earshot.

"...In a submarine! I saw the charts, we're five hundred meters below sea level!"

* * *

Maggie went into the station early in the morning, stopping by a coffee donut shop on the way there. She wasn't working until the evening shift but she wanted to see how far the station had gotten with the investigation into Lillian Luthor, and she bought a box of donuts as a bribe for whoever had been on duty the night before. The man ringing her up gave her a funny look when she pulled a little bottle of syrup out of her jacket pocket and poured some in her coffee; Alex always teased her about it but the taste had grown on her and she couldn't drink it any other way.

She entered the station and scanned the board for the schedule, grinning when she saw the name assigned for the previous shift. " _Senior Officer Timothy Denfield_." Humming to herself, she made her way over to his desk. "Tim," she said shortly, dropping the box of donuts on the older man's desk with a _thud_.

He looked up, his lips stretching into a smile. "Margaret Sawyer, my favorite gal. What can I do for you?"

"My name isn't Margaret," she rolled her eyes. They always had this exchange whenever they talked; Timothy had been the officer who had taken her under his wing when she'd first joined the force and their camaraderie was legendary. The rest of the cops had quickly learned not to mess with her as he was always there to back her up, and soon after, she could back herself up with her own fists and gun.

"Whatever you say, Margaret."

Maggie opened the box of donuts and the smell of recently fried dough and sugar wafted out. "What's the news on Lillian Luthor? I know Lena will be wherever she is, so her mother is the key to solving this missing persons case."

"Slow down there, Maggie. I thought the chief took you off the case because you were too close to the people involved." Denfield reached in and plucked a donut from the box, showering his desk with powdered sugar. He took a slow bite as Maggie tapped her foot impatiently. "Your partner got kicked off the case too, if it makes you feel any better."

"It doesn't. Please, Tim, tell me if you found anything?" Maggie wheedled before reaching in for a donut herself. "I'm going to talk to the chief about the case later anyway and you know he'll just put me back on."

He shook his head. "The power you have over that man is astounding. Alright." He dusted off his fingers and typed a few words into his computer. "The most recent thing I can find in the system is they're investigating a signal coming from...Ireland? That can't be right." He leaned in and squinted. "No, it definitely says Ireland."

Maggie groaned and finished her donut. "God damn, you people are so slow."

Leaning back in his chair, Tim chuckled. "You people? Do you mean old people like me, or cops in general?"

"Both," Maggie and Tim turned at the sound of the door opening. "Gross," she said under her breath as she recognized the swagger of the man who had just walked in. It was Roger Collins, a fellow cop who had gone through the academy with her. He'd held a grudge against her since finding out he'd scored the second highest score of their class on the entrance exam, second to only her, and his animosity had only grown deeper when she'd outperformed him in almost every section of training. His reflexes were faster than hers by about four tenths of a second, a fact he would loudly boast to anyone who would listen, but it was a popular opinion around the station that he was a jerk and everyone wanted him to be sent to another city.

"You're here a little early, Mags. Trying to brown nose the chief? He isn't here," Collins said smugly.

"Her name is Maggie," Tim sat up straighter. He'd never liked Roger Collins or his ego, and the younger officer was one of the only people on the beat that didn't respect Maggie. He knew their history went way back to their academy days and that Maggie could take care of herself but it didn't make him any more amicable to the arrogant young man.

"It's six in the morning, Mags." Collins ignored Timothy's warning tone. "Are you taking a personal interest in a case you were banned from?"

"I won't be banned after the chief comes in," Maggie shot back.

"Just because you suck up to him doesn't mean you deserve to be the next chief more than I do. I mean, who knows what you're doing in his office all those hours? You say you're gay but priorities can change." Collins sneered at her and went to sit down at his desk. Timothy started to stand but Maggie put her hand on his shoulder.

"Don't." She glared at Collins. "He's not worth it."

"Yeah, old man, don't waste your energy." He looked up as Maggie approached his desk. "Is that supposed to scare me? You're just a pretty face, what makes you think I'm afraid?"

"Don't be an ass, Collins. I'm just better than you." Maggie stopped a few feet away from him.

"When are you going to drop this badass lesbian act? It's not real, you know that FBI agent doesn't love you she just—"

He never got to finish his sentence because Maggie had slammed his head into the surface of his desk, her elbow pressing against the base of his skull. "Say something else about her, I dare you." Her vision was tinged red and her pulse pounded in her ears.

"Are you crazy? This is assault, I'll report you! There are cameras here!" Collins cried with his face down. Seeing Maggie's jaw clench, Timothy stood up as though to pull Maggie off of him but thought better of it and sat back down, reaching for a second donut.

"I know your type, Roger Collins. Thinking all a lady really needs is a big, strong man like you to come and save her," she snarled in his ear. "I know you just got back from suspension for harassing a female prisoner in the holding cell. I also know you put your desk in this specific spot, slowly moving it inch by inch over a month, so the cameras can't see your screen while you watch porn at work." She pulled his head up and leaned in. "The only camera trained on this desk is behind me, and from this angle it just looks like I'm leaning in for a kiss." She stopped inches from his face, her eyes narrowed; Collins was glaring at her, his breath coming quickly. She shoved his head to the side and walked back to Timothy's desk, feeling Collins' glare follow her. "Tell the chief that Ireland tip leads to nothing."

"How do you know?" Tim said wide-eyed. He'd seen Maggie lose it plenty of times but she'd always tried to reign it in at the station. Something must be going on with her that she wasn't talking about because she never got physical with people unless there was a pretty good reason; Collins' usual snarky comments and rude behavior had never solicited more than an eye roll or biting comment from her.

"Trust me. I know." She headed for the exit without looking at Collins again. "See you later, old man," she called behind her as she left, slamming the door.

Sliding into the driver's seat of her car, she let out a scream of frustration. _Who does he think he is? Prick._ She hit the steering wheel with an open hand, honking the horn loudly. "Damn it!" She let out another scream, feeling the yell rub her throat raw as it worked its way up. Feelings from her childhood threatened to bubble up, feelings that she had pushed down for years. _Now is not the time for me to think Alex doesn't love me. She talks to me about her problems. She told me about her AA meeting._

 _Yeah, after you arrested her. No wonder she asked Sam to go with her and not you._

"That is not why," Maggie grumbled. Realizing she'd spoken aloud, she sighed and put the car in drive, heading for the DEO. She couldn't believe she'd just let Roger Collins get under her skin; out of all the things that would've set her off today it annoyed her that it was her old competition. She wanted to talk to Alex about it; Alex knew all about their history at the academy and she always had great comebacks. She would've said something witty and hilarious before punching Collins in the face. The old Alex, anyway. She didn't know this new Alex, this Alex that kept to herself and didn't share things with her.

 _That's not fair. She's always been there for you, you just need to give her space. It's just a bump in the road._ Maggie felt a flash of bitterness immediately followed by guilt. Sam was right, it wasn't going to be easy for her. She let out another frustrated yell and honked her horn, earning her dirty looks from the other drivers. Remembering that she wasn't in a police cruiser, she cursed under her breath and tried to focus on the road to the DEO but realized that she didn't want Kara or Alex to see her this riled up. They both had their own, more pressing issues to deal with and Maggie didn't want to add to their pile of worries. She made a sharp right onto a familiar street, pulling into the parking lot of a gym she used to take boxing classes in. Rummaging through her cluttered backseat for gym clothes, she thought about how exercising always cleared her head. _"Blood, sweat and tears make you who you are,"_ her father used to say. She slammed the door of her car shut and headed into the gym as the sun peeked over the horizon.

* * *

As Kara woke up, she heard laughter close to her bed. Feeling crowded, she started to roll over before remembering she was sharing a bed with her sister. She looked over at Alex who was still fast asleep, then saw Winn at the foot of the bed with a phone in his hands and a sheepish look on his face.

"Are you taking pictures of us?" Kara said with a yawn.

"Um...no?" He slid the phone into his pocket. "It's just cute to see the Danvers sisters finally relaxing," he defended himself.

Kara slid out of the bed, careful not to disturb her sister, and stretched. "Taking pictures of sleeping women? You're such a perv," she grinned.

"Hey, no, I told you it's just—you two never relax!"

"Sure, whatever you say Winn." She headed to the doorway to change her clothes, then thought about Alex's ribs and paused. "Hey, can you lift her shirt up?"

"You just called me a perv for taking photos, now you want me to take her clothes off? Maggie will kill me. Capital 'K'." Winn put a hand over his heart.

"It's to check her ribs, you creep. Anything new with Lena?"

"Her ribs?" Winn looked at Alex's sleeping form and frowned. "No. I'm waiting on an algorithm to finish running through."

"Yeah, she has two fractured ribs." Kara went to change into clean clothes, keeping her suit on underneath. It took her a minute or two because she looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror; the outfit she had chosen was a cable knit sweater and a sensible skirt, something that she hoped would give her confidence while James was teaching her how to run a company. Grabbing her glasses, she hurried back and saw that Winn had gently pulled Alex's shirt up, exposing her torso. The white bandages glared starkly against her skin and Kara delicately pulled them apart, not wanting to wake Alex to unwrap them.

"Jesus," Winn said under his breath when the bandages were lying open on the bed. "She was walking around with that?" Alex's bruise had started to turn a nasty greenish-yellow color and parts of it were still dark purple.

"She didn't tell anyone when it happened and I didn't know until later," Kara explained.

"What a surprise," Winn muttered. "Alex Danvers walking around with a massive, untreated injury? Who would've guessed it?"

"They're healing," Kara said with a smile at his comment, "but she won't ice them," she said with a disapproving look at her sister.

"Well good luck trying to force her. Last time I suggested she get stitches for a gash on her leg, she put me in a headlock."

"I just won't give her a choice." Kara eyed Winn. "You might want to get out of the way."

"Why?" Winn said nervously, moving to stand at Alex's shoulder.

Kara took a deep breath and exhaled gently over her sister's ribs. As the icy breath hit her torso, Alex's eyes shot open and she took a second to adjust to her surroundings. A moment later she had seized Winn's shirt collar and pulled herself up and over the edge of the bed frame, gravity bringing her down with her arm at Winn's throat.

"Alex! It's us!" Kara hurried to pull her sister off of Winn, who scrambled back with his hands at his throat.

"God you're scary," he gasped, "I am never waking you up again."

Alex's frame was tense and alert, but she calmed down at the sound of her sister's voice. "What the hell, Kara?" She turned on her sister angrily. "Is that your version of a wake up call?"

"I was trying to ice your ribs—something you never did. How does it feel?"

Alex put a hand to her side. "A little stiff."

"How do they really feel?" Kara raised an eyebrow. "Tell the truth or I'll make Winn hug you to see if they hurt."

"Please, no," Winn said at the same time that Alex hissed "Try it. I'll bury him."

Kara narrowed her eyes. "Unless you have a stash of kryptonite, you aren't going to be able to stop me from forcing you to lie there while your ribs heal. So I suggest you listen to me or..." she let the threat hang.

"I hate you," Alex grumbled, lifting up the left side of her shirt in defeat.

"No you don't," Kara said cheerfully. "This will be pretty cold," she warned.

"You should've said that _before_ waking me up with your ice breath." Alex glared at her sister's sunny disposition.

Letting the comment slide, Kara slowly blew on Alex's ribs. She kept going until she saw her sister shiver, then stopped with a concerned expression. "How's that?"

"I'm a freaking human popsicle." Alex rubbed her arms, letting her shirt drop. "I feel like I have hypothermia."

"You should've told me to stop!" Kara said accusingly.

"I thought you would stop eventually," Alex reasoned. "But my ribs feel fine, really." She stood still as Kara x-rayed them.

"They're healing," she said in a satisfied tone. "I still don't want you going anywhere though."

"Right, that's funny cause I actually have to be somewhere." Alex inched towards the door. "I promise I'll be careful!"

"I mean it Alex!" Kara called after her sister. "I'll hold you down next time if you move around too much!" She turned back to Winn who was checking his tablet. "She's so hard to keep track of," she complained. "Maybe I should just knock her out."

"You may have to, but this is more important. Cadmus just sent us a message." Winn's face was grave.

"What? What does it say? Is it about Lena?" Kara rushed over. "Show me."

Winn held the tablet up where a short message was repeating itself. " _Stop searching for the Luthors or face the consequences_ ," the robotic voice echoed.

After hearing the message four times, Kara shook her head. "Shut it off."

Winn typed out a code on the tablet and looked at her with concern. "I'm already trying to track it. Everyone is looking for the source of this message because it was broadcasted to the police as well. We'll get her back, Kara." He put his hand on her shoulder for a moment before heading out of the med bay.

Kara stood there in silence for a moment before turning to leave, nearly running into Maggie in the doorway. "Sorry!"

Maggie jerked back, her hands in her pockets. "No worries. Is Alex still here?"

"You just missed her—she said she had to be somewhere." Kara eyed Maggie, noting her workout clothes and her hands that were shoved into the pockets of her leather jacket, but said nothing.

"Oh. Right, the AA sponsor. I just wanted to tell you that the station is still behind. They only just found the signal in Ireland so they aren't having any more luck than we are." Maggie moved her arm then winced, swallowing slowly.

"Maggie? What's wrong?" Kara peered at Maggie through her lead-lined glasses. Maggie said nothing but her shoulders drooped. "You can tell me," Kara encouraged. "Don't do what Alex does and bottle it up. That hasn't worked out well for her."

Maggie looked at Kara for a moment then slowly pulled her hands out of her pockets. "I went a little too hard at my boxing class.

"A _little_ too hard?! Maggie, it looks like you got in a fight with a brick wall and lost." Kara lifted Maggie's hands up gently and inspected them. There was dried blood caked across the backs of her knuckles and a lot of blood had dripped down her fingers; three of her knuckles were split on her right hand and she could already see bruises forming around them. Her left hand had fared slightly better in terms of bleeding but Kara saw a broken bone in her examination. "Why do you guys insist on getting injured?" she said exasperated. "It's like some kind of competition, who can last the longest with the worst injury."

"At least I'm showing you mine," Maggie defended herself. "And I already iced them at the gym, which is more than Alex did."

"Fine, you get a medal," Kara said in a condescending tone. "Take this," she said as she handed Maggie an aspirin. "Now hold out your hands." Just has she had done with Alex earlier, she gently blew icy air onto Maggie's injured hands. She stopped sooner than she had with her sister and was rewarded with the look of relief on Maggie's face. "You're a much better patient than Alex," she admitted.

"Of course I am," Maggie lowered her arms. "Not like that's hard to do."

"Will you get some rest, or do you need to be running off somewhere too?" Kara raised an eyebrow.

Maggie tilted her head. "Honestly, I didn't get that much sleep, so I might take a nap here. You'll wake me if you find anything _?_ "

"I will," Kara promised. "I have to get to Cat Co., but I'm glad you're taking care of yourself."

"One of us has to," Maggie sighed, "And god knows it won't be Alex."

* * *

Alex stood outside the door to Matthew's office nervously, watching the clock on the wall tick by. She'd already been standing there for over an hour, and hadn't knocked on the door. He worked in a government building that was a little too close to the DEO than she'd like, but at least she didn't have any trouble finding her way here. She was just about to turn around and leave when Matthew walked up the hall, his head down as he read something in his hands.

"Alex!" he said with a smile when he saw her standing there. "Sorry to keep you waiting, you never called so I wasn't sure when you were coming."

"Yeah sorry—how did you know I'd come?"

Matthew smiled. "To be honest, I didn't. It's just something we say so we don't scare off the new people, but you strike me as the kind of person who would see through things like that in a heartbeat."

Alex nodded to the papers in his hands. "What's that?" she asked, stalling.

He laughed and held it up for her to see. "A menu for Jason's Deli. It's almost lunch time, you know. Do you want something to eat?" He stepped by her to open his office door.

"No, thank you." Alex started to fidget with her jacket as he looked up at her expectantly, his hand on the door. Anxiety knotted in her stomach and she cleared her throat. "Actually, you know what? I have to be somewhere."

"Alex," Matthew frowned as she turned away from him. "You've already made the trip here, don't give up on yourself now."

"No, I really have to be somewhere," she lied, stepping back. She'd thought she was ready to do this after the AA meeting, but she couldn't sit in that office and talk about her flaws, not without Sam there to take her mind off of her own failures.

"Fine. Don't forget you have my number, and now you know where I work so you can stop by any time." He smiled after her as she mumbled a hurried thanks and walked away.

She headed to her car and took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Part of her wanted to force herself to turn around and march into that office, but she was already in her car and headed down the street. She pulled into the parking lot of a bar and sighed; she knew it was wrong to want to drink but she didn't know what else to do. No one could find Lena or stop Lillian, her sister was mad at her, and Maggie was probably busy with work, so she found herself pushing the door open and stepping into the bar. The familiarity of the atmosphere put her at ease immediately; the hubbub of laughter and conversation, the smell of alcohol and dim lighting of the bar washed over her and she relaxed her shoulders, sliding into a seat at the counter.

"Hello?"

With a jolt of surprise, Alex realized that she had taken her phone out and dialed a number without noticing. She looked at the screen then held the phone back up to her ear. "Sam?"

"What's up?" Sam said in a distracted tone. She was halfway through the final papers of Lena's buying Cat Co. and was trying to watch Ruby do her homework in the corner of her office. "Did they find something?" she said in a quieter voice, not wanting to alert Ruby.

"What? No, sorry, nothing like that I'm just—" Alex saw the bartender look in her direction and waved him over with a practiced motion. She'd been here plenty of times, and he knew what she wanted, nodding at her before going to pour her usual into a glass—single malt scotch, double, straight up.

Sam sat up a little straighter, hearing the commotion over the phone line. "Where are you?" she asked in a worried voice.

"A bar," Alex answered truthfully. She would've tried to lie to Maggie or Kara, but Sam was different. Sam was an addict, Sam knew what she was feeling. Sam wouldn't be mad at her for going there, or assume she was drinking instead of running from her problems again.

"Which one?" Sam asked, starting to get her papers together. "I'll come find you."

"You don't have to do that," Alex unconvincingly. She needed Sam to talk to her and take her mind off of drinking. As the bartender set her drink in front of her he smiled at her and she smiled uncertainly back, not sure if she would be able to wait until Sam got there.

"Why don't you just share your location with me, and I can be there in ten minutes." Sam stood up and looked over at Ruby. "Hey Rube? I have to go pick up Alex, can you stay here until I get back?"

Ruby looked up and nodded, her essay sitting unfinished on her lap. "Did they find Aunt Lena?"

"No, baby, not yet. Alex just needs a ride is all," Sam said with a small smile. "Be good, alright?" She grabbed her purse and keys and focused on the phone conversation. "Ten minutes," she repeated.

"There's no way," Alex said dubiously as she shared her GPS position with her. "It'll take you fifteen at least."

"I'll speed," Sam said matter-of-factly. She knew exactly what was going through Alex's mind right now; she didn't know if the agent had already started drinking but she hoped that being in the bar was enough to stop her until she got there. She knew Alex's meeting with Matthew was supposed to have been around this time and maybe she should've gone with her, but Alex had shrugged her off when she suggested it, saying it was a "one-on-one". Hurrying to her car she put the address into her phone, talking to Alex. "I can stay on the line if you want, but it'll still be ten minutes."

"Please don't hang up," Alex said quickly. "Then I'll look like the freak who comes into a bar, orders a drink and just stares at it for ten minutes."

Sam pulled out of the garage. If Alex was talking about staring at a drink, she must not have had any yet. "Okay, tell me a story," she said as she started to drive, adopting the voice she used with Ruby when her daughter crawled into her bed at night after a bad dream or during a thunderstorm.

"What do you want to know?"

"How did you join the DEO?" Sam asked as the engine roared along the street.

"Hmm." Alex blew out a breath. "Kind of...because of my drinking, actually."

Sam paused, not sure of what to say. Remembering her own stories about her drug use she decided to press on and take the opportunity for a cathartic retelling of one of Alex's stories. "How'd that go?"

"I was at a club one night," Alex started, "And I was drinking with this guy. I didn't know him, but we were dancing together and I thought I was going to bring him home—clearly this was before I met Maggie," she laughed. "I was actually in my first year of med school."

"That early?" Sam said as she made a sharp right turn. "How long have you been with the DEO?"

"Um...I'm twenty-nine now so...almost six years?" Alex counted back in her head.

"Jesus. So what happened?" Sam pulled onto the main road and hit the gas, swerving between the cars.

"I was failing. Well, not failing, but I didn't show up to half my classes, and most of the time I wouldn't turn in any of my work. What I did turn in I always did well on, but I got put on academic probation during the spring term of my first year." Alex picked up the glass of scotch and tilted it, watching the brown liquid move around as she continued her story. "Anyway, at the club I was going pretty hard. Drinking whatever was put in front of me, not paying attention to what I was drinking. I'm surprised nothing bad ever happened—I mean, no one ever tried to roofie me. Probably because I was so drunk it wasn't worth the effort." She snorted and put the glass down, untouched. "I got pulled over for a DUI and when they breathalyzed me I blew a 0.2—that's what J'onn says. I don't remember the number but I'm sure he does."

"That's pretty high—you would definitely beat me in a drinking game," Sam laughed as she turned onto a smaller street, unknowingly passing Matthew's office. "I'm almost there," she said as she turned again.

"Okay, great." Alex stared at the glass in front of her. She was tempted to down it in a gulp before Sam showed up, but talking to Sam had eased her anxiety and she felt as though Sam would be disappointed with her even if she didn't show it. She pursed her lips and looked at a pile of peanut shells by her elbow, listening to the Dolly Parton song blasting through the sound system.

"Keep going with your story," Sam said as she saw the sign for the bar.

"It's almost done anyway. They threw me in a holding cell and J'onn came to visit me. I thought he was a lawyer at first, and then I thought he was a priest trying to convince me to find god. I didn't want either of those things, so I tried to send him away but he wouldn't leave." Alex thought back to when she'd been sitting on that cold metal bench and J'onn had told her that he knew everything. Just when she'd thought everything was slipping through her fingers, he'd offered her a new start, a purpose in life. How could she face him knowing she'd thrown away everything he'd given her?

"You haven't done anything wrong, Alex," Sam said into the silence.

"That's creepy," Alex chuckled.

"What is?" Sam grabbed her phone out of the car stand as she parked, opening the door.

"You seem to know what I'm thinking without me saying anything." Alex heard the car door close over the phone and turned to face the door, her drink forgotten on the bar.

"It's because I've had the same thoughts," Sam said as she opened the door to the bar. "So I know what you're going through." Making eye contact with Alex across the floor, she hung up the call and headed over. "Hey." She pulled Alex into a hug; Alex's initial resistance towards the hug melted away after a few moments and she returned the gesture.

"Hey. You didn't have to leave work," she said, taking her seat again.

Sam brushed the peanut shells onto the ground and sat next to her. "Yes, I did. Do you know what I've been doing all morning?"

"What?"

"I've been making sure that Cat Co. can still run smoothly, because my best friend doesn't know how to flirt with your sister and instead she bought a whole damn company."

Alex laughed. "This is like the time she filled her office with flowers, only so much worse."

Sam sighed and waved to the bartender. "Can I have two Cokes?" she asked, eyeing Alex's drink.

Alex saw her glance and picked up the glass. "Do you want it?" she said jokingly. "I haven't had any yet, but I'd hate to waste good liquor." Sam bit her lip and looked at Alex, not saying anything. The bartender came back with their sodas and put them down before walking away again, and Alex's bluster disappeared. "I didn't mean to come here," she said looking down at the floor. "I just didn't want to go back to the DEO and see Maggie or my sister or anyone else that I've let down."

"You haven't let anyone down, except maybe yourself," Sam held a Coke out to Alex. "And the reason you're having such a hard time is because you're always so much harder on yourself than you need to be."

Alex took a sip of soda and looked up. "But I'm not supposed to want to drink."

"That's absolutely wrong. Who told you that?" Sam sounded indignant.

"No one. I just thought since I'm an alcoholic, the last place I should be is in a bar." She put the drink down and looked at Sam with a glimmer of hope in her eyes.

Sam took a breath, trying to figure out the best way to explain to Alex that there was nothing wrong with what she was feeling. "You've only just went to your first AA meeting. You don't have to be back at one hundred percent, Alex. Forgive yourself, then start the process. You have every right to feel this way; this is where you go for comfort and friendship and this is where you feel safe. Do you know how I got clean?" Sam said, switching tactics.

"No, but I didn't want to pry." Alex watched Sam's face as she knit her eyebrows, not sure of what to say.

"Drug addiction is a little different from alcoholism. You can stop drinking cold turkey, even though it sucks. With drugs, it's a little harder. I wasn't even that hooked—well, that sounds bad. I was, but think about it; the height of my drug use was sophomore year of college, and I started freshman year. That's two years if you stretch it, whereas there are some people who are ten, twenty years into a drug addiction that they may never be able to reverse. Lena is the one who helped me out of it—how much did Maggie tell you?"

"Most of it. She didn't tell me how you got out of it," Alex explained.

"I never told her. When Lena threw me in the psych ward, I basically tried to quit cold turkey. I refused all the drugs they gave me—but the problem was, my brain had changed to the point that my body couldn't function without them. It took a long time to slowly wean me off them, and even now I still have a tremor in my left hand sometimes." She held up her hand and Alex saw it shake slightly. "The point is, you don't have to be better all at once. It took me almost a year to get clean completely, and I was only two years into drugs. From what I've heard, it sounds like you've been a heavy drinker for a while. So give yourself some time." Seeing Alex's eyebrows raise she rolled her eyes. "I don't mean give yourself a year to stop drinking, _that_ you should stop now. But the recovery process is a long one, and even now there are days when I'm tired or stressed and I just want to forget about the world. But I can't. I have a daughter, I have friends, I have people relying on me—I have a responsibility to them and to myself to stay clean."

"I just...I don't want to let anyone down," Alex whispered.

"I understand. You have to realize, though, that you can't do this for other people. I know what I just said might contradict that but this is after almost a decade of learning who I am. You need to do this for yourself before you can help anyone else, and I think Maggie understands that this is something she can't do for you. She can help you, of course, and I think you should let her, but she can't be your whole world." Sam looked at the melting ice in their sodas which were sitting on the counter, forgotten. The noise of the bar hummed around them and she watched Alex's reaction carefully.

"I'm trying," Alex said quietly, raising her head. "I really am."

"And that's good, that's great. You came in here, but you didn't drink anything. That's half the battle right there that you've won." Sam met her eyes. "I'm proud of you."

Hearing Sam say it made it real; that she couldn't drink, that it wasn't the worst thing in the world, she would make it through this. "Will you be my sponsor?" she blurted out.

Sam was taken aback. "I'm—Alex, I'm not an alcoholic, it's a completely different—"

"It's almost the same. And you know what I'm talking about, you get me." Alex backed off, realizing she might've pressured her a little too hard. "You don't have to, you have a daughter and a company and I didn't think this through...but I just need someone to talk to about this and I don't know anyone else."

Sam nodded thoughtfully. "I can understand needing to talk to someone. But Matthew is a recovering alcoholic, he's got more in common with you..." Seeing Alex's reluctant gaze she continued. "How about this," she said in an amicable tone. "I'll be your sponsor, but..."

"But?" Alex echoed.

"But you have to check with Matthew if it's alright, and I'll be talking to him. About you."

Alex narrowed her eyes, unwilling to agree to Sam telling a complete stranger her secrets. Then again, until a few days ago Sam had been a complete stranger. "Fine," she acquiesced. "I'm sorry to ask this of you," she admitted. "I don't really know what I was thinking."

"Don't worry about it," Sam said putting a few bills on the table. "I'm happy to help." She smiled at Alex and stood up, offering her arm.

Alex linked their elbows together and they walked towards the exit. With a last look around the bar, she sighed before exiting into the afternoon sunlight. "I guess I have to head to work," she said with apprehension.

"Come to my office," Sam said cheerfully. "There's no one there but Ruby, and she's getting bored. Maybe you could watch her? But no guns and no fighting." She pointed a finger at Alex. "Your girlfriend already taught her how to punch and she tried to use her new moves on me last night. It took forever to get her to go to bed."

Alex laughed. "No, I don't want to impose on you—"

"It's not imposing. And this way, if they find anything about Lena we'll know even sooner." Sam got serious. "I know Ruby is having a hard time with her missing, god knows I am. You'd be doing me a favor," she added.

"Fine," Alex agreed. "You're the one doing me a favor, really, because I love your kid."

"Good," Sam smiled. "Now, did you drive here or do I need to chauffeur you again?"

"Not this time, driver." Alex laughed and pointed to her car. "That one's mine. I'll just follow you to L-Corp."

"Ruby will be glad for the company," Sam said hugging Alex. "I'm proud of you," she said again, "For calling."

"Me too."

* * *

i'm kinda writing sam like one of my good friends-always there to help others, motherly, has common sense


	16. 16) Cat and Haldrak

"And every morning you'll meet with each department. You just have to give them their assignments for the day. Honestly, you can just tell them which stories they're working on and they'll get it done. I'm sure you'll meet some push back initially but everyone already knows you're in charge, and as long as you prove that you have what it takes, you'll do fine." James smiled at Kara, who was nervously writing down everything he said. "Kara." He waited for her to look up. "Stop worrying. You'll do fine. You were Cat Grant's best assistant, and that means you know more about running this place than I did coming in."

Kara adjusted her glasses and folded her notepad closed. "Alright," she said in a timid voice.

"Oh, and you have to meet with the woman running L-Corp this afternoon since the deal is closing. It's at five, so you should get going." James picked up a a box of his personal effects and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "You're gonna do great, Supergirl."

Kara smiled at him and put a finger to her lips. "Someone could hear you," she said quietly, "but thank you." As James walked out of the office, she sat down in the chair behind the desk. Having spent years seeing Cat Grant sitting in the same chair, she felt a little strange and almost expected her old boss to come sauntering in, yelling at her to get her a salad and 'why wasn't her coffee hot if the cart was just outside, did Kiera walk up the stairs instead of taking the elevator?' but no one came in. She looked down at the mock-up version of the next Cat Co. magazine issue with some trepidation—Ms. Grant had always made calling the shots look so easy, why did Lena have to leave her in charge? Thinking of her friend, she glanced at the clock and got up quickly; her meeting with Sam was in twenty minutes, the day had flown by. She started to walk out when she almost ran into Eve. "Hi Eve. What's going on?"

"I was just wondering if you would want the car ready for your meeting with Ms. Arias, Ms. Danvers." Eve smiled warmly at Kara. "Congratulations on the promotion, by the way. We all think you deserve it."

"Don't call me that Eve, Kara is fine. It's not really a promotion and hopefully Lena Luthor will be back before you know it," Kara smiled through the pain of knowing Lena was out there somewhere at the mercy of her mother. "I'm sure the police are looking hard."

"I hope so, Ms. Dan—Kara," Eve said reassuringly. "Your driver is waiting downstairs, by the way."

"Don't be silly, I'll drive myself. In fact, I don't really need a driver at all," Kara said confidently, her hand on the door handle.

"Kara, if I may speak openly for a minute?" Eve said hesitantly, blocking her way out.

"Of course." Kara raised an eyebrow. "Go ahead," she encouraged as Eve looked at her nervously.

"While it's nice that you can drive yourself, it's not practical. This man has made his living driving Ms. Grant around for years, and then Mr. Olsen. In my opinion, just because you're young and not as...vain as Ms. Grant was, doesn't mean he should be put out of a job," she said in a low voice. Kara stepped back, embarrassed.

"That's not at all what I was trying to do," she said, flustered. "I only meant—it's just that I didn't want to seem like—"

"I know, but if you want things to keep running smoothly it's probably best if you just step into the shoes Mr. Olsen left." Eve smiled apologetically. "I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, and Mr. Olsen said the same thing when he first started. He just told me to look out for you."

Kara smiled, fixing her glasses. "Thank you, Eve. I'll go meet him." She opened the door and headed to the elevator she always took before Eve hurried after her.

"Kara! Other way," she called out. The other employees smiled at Kara's shy awkwardness as she stumbled a step then turned on a dime.

"You'll do fine, Kara," one called out.

"Kara, you're nicer than Ms. Grant _and_ prettier than James Olsen," another joked.

"Thanks guys," she answered as she walked to the other elevator. She'd never ridden the one that went straight to the floor and was a little scared it might seem pretentious. "I know it'll be a change of pace, but I trust you guys know what you're doing and I'll try not to interfere as long as we get a good magazine out on time," she spoke to the people watching her wait for the elevator. "I'm a little surprised you know my name, though. I always thought I was in Ms. Grant's shadow."

"We all made bets on how long you'd last, but no one thought you'd last this long," a man from the opinion section spoke up. "If only Ms. Grant could see you now."

"Oh, she can." The elevator doors opened with a _ding._ "That outfit screams 'au pair', not media mogul. And what are you doing still wearing those glasses? Buy some contacts, for god's sake." Cat Grant was leaning against the wall of the elevator looking Kara up and down. "And I know you technically run my company but could you get a latte for me? I ordered one from that stupid looking grad school underachiever at the coffee cart, but what he handed me is _not_ what I have been drinking for the last five years."

Kara's eyes widened. "Ms. Grant! What are you—I was just heading for the elevators—I can go—"

"No, no," Cat gestured for Kara to join her. "Step in here with me, Kiera. I have to be on a flight back to Washington D.C. in six hours so speak quickly. Lena Luthor, James Olsen, tell me everything." Kara shot a panicked look at the other employees as the doors shut her in with Ms. Grant. "Good, now that that's out of the way," Ms. Grant peered at Kara. "How's it going, Supergirl?"

"I—what are you—I'm not—pfft," Kara stammered out. "We've had this conversation before, Ms. Grant. You must be mistaken."

"Oh, drop the act, Kara Danvers. If I were to harken back to my college days and rip your shirt off, would I or would I not see a big, shiny 'S' in the middle of your chest?"

Kara froze for a second before realizing there was no way out of the situation. Reaching a hand up to take her glasses off, she sighed. "You can't tell anyone."

"Why would I tell anyone? Do I look like a snitch to you?"

"No, not at all I just don't want it getting out. I have to protect the people close to me, and keeping my identity a secret is one of the ways I can do that." Kara's voice dropped as the doors opened and she shoved her glasses back on as they walked out to the waiting car. Cat knocked on the passenger side window and waved to the driver.

"Ms. Grant, Ms. Danvers. Headed to L-Corp?" The driver rolled down the window and smiled at the two women.

"Jonathan, could you wait a second while I got a coffee?" Cat said, "I'll just be a moment."

"Sure, sure." He turned the AC on and rolled the window back up.

"This is the fool that gave me dirty water in a cup," Cat said under her breath as they approached the cart.

Kara looked at the man behind the cart. It was the same man she'd seen almost every morning for years, Michael, and he smiled at her. "Hi Kara. Ms. Grant," he said with an amused look at Kara. "What can I get for you this time?"

"The latte you gave me tasted nothing like what I've been drinking for years, and the funny look you shot me afterwards didn't help your case," Cat said in a no-nonsense tone, "so I brought my former assistant to make sure you give me the right thing." Michael glanced at Kara and chuckled, and she laughed as well. "What?" Cat said, looking between the two. "What's so funny?"

"I only looked at you funny because you threw out the drink after one sip," he explained, "but that makes sense."

"What does?" Cat said indignantly, looking at Kara for an explanation.

"I always get you a cappuccino. It's a totally different drink, Ms. Grant," Kara said smiling.

"Well, why didn't you say anything?" Cat turned back to Michael.

He held up his hands good-naturedly. "Look, when Cat Grant orders a latte from me, I don't try to tell her she's wrong. I can give you a free cappuccino though," he offered.

"Don't be stupid, that's not how you run a business. I'll pay for the second drink." Cat handed him a ten and waited while he made her coffee.

"I heard you're the new Cat Grant," he said to Kara as he handed Cat her drink. "Nice job."

"She isn't the new Cat Grant, she's Kara Danvers," Cat said primly, taking her change. "And she's coming with me right now."

Kara smiled apologetically. "See you later, Michael." She followed Cat into the back of the car.

"Michael. What a boring name," Cat said as she sipped her coffee. "That's the right drink. Now, tell me about Lena Luthor. Snapper Carr has told me that you're the only reporter that she'll give exclusives too, then she buys my company and now you're in charge? I need details, Kara. Now."

"You know my name," Kara said dubiously.

"Of course I know your name," Cat said in an offended tone. "I can read and my ears work. Lena Luthor."

"Then why did you call me Kiera for so long?" Kara ignored the question and looked at Ms. Grant, confused.

"Because I couldn't very well call you 'Kara,'" she sighed. "It would give you too much power, too much respect. Pretending I don't know who you are, who you really are," she said in a low voice, leaning in, "that's what keeps an assistant desperate to do well. And you were the best assistant I'd had in over a decade."

"Ms. Grant," Kara blushed, "I was just trying to do my job."

"Nonsense. You knew what you wanted—to be a reporter. Now look at you. You took my job."

"Oh, no. It's because Lena Luthor is missing," Kara said, knitting her eyebrows. _And it's my fault._

"I know. And she left _you_ in charge. Now, details," Cat said again, looking at Kara expectantly.

"We're just...good friends." Kara looked out the window.

"She paid almost eight hundred million dollars so she could work with you. You seem to be a little closer than 'friends'," Cat said skeptically.

"I said good friends," Kara defended Lena. "Really good friends."

"So who's taken her?" Cat asked. "Of course I know someone's taken her. People like Lena Luthor never just disappear with no warning, there are people she informs. I suspect you'd be one of them, considering you seem to be one of the only people she talks to voluntarily in this whole city."

"Cadmus," Kara admitted with a glance at the driver. He was listening to music that she could hear through his headphones, so she wasn't worried that he would overhear their conversation. "Her mother took her and I'm trying to find her but I can't. The woman we're going to meet about this deal, the one running L-Corp right now, she's an old college friend of Lena's. Samantha Arias."

"The name sounds familiar. Does she know Lena Luthor's obsessed with you too?"

"What do you mean?" Kara sputtered, meeting Cat's unwavering gaze. "I told you, we're just good friends; we go out to eat and sleep over at each other's houses and watch movies and—"

"I wish I had a friend like Lena Luthor," Cat smirked as the car pulled to a stop in front of the L-Corp building. "Sounds like a fun person to be around."

"Don't say anything like that to Sam," Kara warned as they entered the building.

"Why, because she's into Lena?" Cat asked.

"No, because I think she'll agree with you."

* * *

Alex looked over at Ruby and put a finger to her lips as the young girl giggled. They were hiding behind the door to Lena's office and getting ready to scare Sam when she got back from the bathroom. Hearing footsteps coming down the hall, she counted down from three on her fingers before yanking the door open.

"Boo!" Ruby yelled as Alex jumped out next to her.

"Oh my god!" A familiar voice screamed as a coffee cup hit the ground, splashing the floor with hot, brown liquid. "What in the world?!"

"Kara?" Alex said in surprise. "Cat Grant?" she said in an equally shocked voice, noticing Kara's old boss standing next to her, her hand over her heart. "What are you doing here?" Ruby had backed up, embarrassed, and Alex put an arm around her to comfort her. "We were—I thought you were Sam."

"Samantha Arias?" Cat said with a look down at her spilled coffee. "We're here to talk to her about Lena Luthor's purchasing my company."

"Hey Ruby," Kara knelt down, getting over her own shock. "How are you?"

"Good." Ruby smiled at the familiar face. "My mom's in the bathroom right now."

"Her mom is right here," came a voice from down the hall. "Cat Grant, I take it? What happened here?" Sam noticed the spilled coffee.

Ruby looked guiltily at Alex then Cat, avoiding her mother's gaze. "Oh, I'm just clumsy," Cat spoke up, surprising everyone. "Sorry about the mess." She winked at Ruby, who smiled back. Kara and Alex noticed the exchange and looked at each other; Alex's expression was amused, Kara's was concerned.

 _What is Alex doing here?_ she thought to herself. _I thought she had somewhere to be—it can't have been to see Sam._ Thinking of Maggie sleeping in the med bay, she raised her eyebrow at her sister. It seemed like bad communication was a two way street and they were both failing to cross it. Alex shot her a look that said ' _save it_ ', so Kara said nothing but smiled at Sam. "Long time no see," she said jokingly, hugging her. "This is my old boss. Cat Grant, meet Samantha Arias."

"Sam," she said as she stuck out a hand to shake Cat's. "And the finalized paper work is in here." She gestured to Lena's desk, stepping over the puddle of coffee. "Ruby, go do some work," she said to her daughter as they followed her in.

"Do I have to?" Ruby whined.

"Actually, Ruby, can you do me a favor?" Kara looked at Sam and when she nodded, turned to Ruby. "Alex hurt her ribs the other day in the gym. Can you make sure she ices them? She's bad at taking care of herself," she said with a glare at her sister.

Alex narrowed her eyes at Kara as Ruby grabbed her hand. "You're evil."

Sam laughed and gave Ruby a thumbs up. "Go take care of Alex, sweetie. And make sure she ices for at least fifteen minutes!" she called out as they left the room. Seeing Cat smiling, she turned to the older woman. "You have kids, right?"

"Both boys, I'm afraid," Cat sighed. "And they're older, so they've lost that sweet quality that young children have."

"She's already losing it, you should see her when she doesn't want to get to bed," Sam groaned. "Here's where I need you to sign. I thought James was coming over with Ms. Grant?" she said to Kara.

"Oh, right, I guess you haven't heard cause you've been busy. Um, Lena left—well, James has to go to D.C. so I think—it's temporary, but—"

"Kiera here is the new head of Cat Co. in Lena Luthor's absence," Cat cut in. "Stop fumbling with your glasses, it makes you look weak and shy, and learn how to get a sentence out without gasping like a fish."

"You?" Sam eyed Kara as Cat took the papers out of her hands. "Wow. She's absolutely whipped. Pardon my language," Sam said with a glance at Cat.

"Don't worry, I said the same thing on the way here." Cat looked up and gave the papers back, ignoring Kara's dumbstruck expression. "There, that's done. Now I need to get back to the President, but Kiera here has promised to update me on anything that happens with Lena Luthor or Supergirl," she said with a pointed look at Kara that didn't go unnoticed by Sam. "And I'm sure I'll be in contact with you, Samantha, when Kiera runs my company into the ground." As Kara started to apologize Cat rolled her eyes. "Relax, it's a joke. I've made them before; and I'm sure you'll do fine, but if you don't and my stock drops below three hundred, I'll hunt you down and nothing will be able to stop me. I'll be borrowing the driver to get to my apartment, find your own way back to L-Corp." She turned on her heel and left the office before Sam or Kara could say anything.

"You worked under her for how long?" Sam raised an eyebrow, sitting down behind the desk. "Seems like she really knows you well."

"Too long," Kara groaned.

"Also, not to alarm you but it sounds like she knows your secret."

"She does. She figured it out years ago, but finally cornered me in an elevator and I had to admit it." Kara flopped onto the couch. "There's been no word on Lena, by the way," she frowned, squashing a pillow between her hands. There was a tearing sound and she set it aside, a guilty look on her face as stuffing spilled out of the side. _What if she's dead?_

"I heard. That's what your sister said earlier."

Kara fiddled with a chess piece, remembering the times that Lena had crushed her in mere minutes, her intelligence and competitiveness showing through whenever Kara challenged her to a chess match. "I need to go back to the DEO. We need to find her."

Sam looked out the window just as Alex walked back in with Ruby, holding an ice pack to her ribs. "Where'd Cat go?" Alex looked around for the Press Secretary.

"Already gone." Kara put the pawn down carefully and looked at Alex. "So what're you doing here?"

Alex looked at Sam then back at Kara. Just as she opened her mouth, Sam cut in.

"I asked her to come watch Ruby, knowing I had this late meeting. She was going to get us some pizza when I went to the bathroom, but I guess she forgot about it." Sam eyed Ruby, praying her daughter wouldn't choose this moment to become a detective.

Thankfully, Ruby went with it. "I want pepperoni!" she squealed, running to pick up the phone.

"Me too," Alex said with a relieved smile. She hadn't known what she was going to say to Kara since she saw her in the doorway, but Sam saved her the trouble of thinking of a good excuse; and since Kara had turned away from her at the sound of Sam's voice, she hadn't seen the expressions flitting across Alex's face as her friend had lied for her.

"That's cute," Kara watched Ruby dial the pizza place. After she placed the order, Ruby dragged Alex towards the door.

"Come on, you promised you'd show me how to throw a knife!"

"Uh, no, that is _not_ what I said," Alex said with a look at Sam. "What are you talking about?" She held her hands up, pulling the ice pack away from her ribs.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Are you turning my daughter into an assassin?" When Alex gave her a guilty smile and shrugged, she gave in. "Fine, do whatever you want until the pizza gets here—but you have to keep that ice on your ribs!" Sam yelled as the two ran out the door, giggling. She waited for the door to close before getting up and sitting by Kara on the couch. "She's great with Ruby," she sighed.

"Yeah, Alex has always loved kids." Kara was glad Alex was enjoying herself; she hadn't seen her sister this happy in a while.

"Did Lena ever play chess with you?" Sam asked quietly after a long silence.

"I was dumb enough to challenge her to a game once or twice," Kara said glumly. "I wish I'd done it more often, considering..."

"We will find her." Sam put her arm around the younger woman's shoulders. "And if I know Lena Luthor, she isn't just going to sit around waiting for someone to rescue her, even if she's friends with Supergirl and doesn't know it. For all we know she could be walking down the street, about to storm into this office and ask why there's coffee on the floor." The two women watched the doorway for a while almost expecting it to happen, then Kara hung her head.

"I just feel like I'm not doing enough," she said in a sad voice.

"What do you mean? You have everyone looking for her, and you know Lena—she wouldn't want you to put your life on pause for her."

"I can't help it, I just feel like...like something's missing when she isn't here. The person I turn to for advice about Alex, and the person I can text late at night when I'm working on a story because I know she's up late working too...she's gone. And it's not just that, I feel like I'm not doing enough to help my sister. I feel like we're growing apart and I don't know what to do." Kara sniffled, wiping away a tear.

Sam bit her lip. "If it helps at all, I'm her sponsor now."

"What? What do you mean, her sponsor?" Kara looked up in confusion, more tears glistening in her eyes.

"I mean, I talked to the man who runs her AA meetings and I agreed to check in with him once a week—but I'm Alex's sponsor now. It was a little strange at first, thinking about it—she's an alcoholic, I don't have that much experience with drinking. But I talked to her for a while today and we share the same values, the same feelings about how we deal with addiction. I have first-hand experience with it, and I'll try to do my best by her." Seeing Kara's expression Sam hurried on. "I promise I'll let you know if anything happens, and I won't hesitate to involve other people if I feel like I can't handle it."

"That's not what I'm worried about. I was just thinking about Maggie—she's worried too, and she must be awake by now. She took a nap at the DEO earlier and she doesn't seem to be handling the whole Alex situation all too well; she stopped by after a boxing class and it looked like she'd spent an hour punching shrapnel."

Sam nodded thoughtfully. "I can try to talk to her, but honestly it would be best if Lena were here. She knows what Maggie's going through more than I do, seeing as she went through it with me."

"I heard." Kara didn't know what else to say so she sat in silence, feeling Sam's arm around her and wishing it was Lena's. They both started at the sound of the door opening, Alex and Ruby's laughter echoing in the office.

"Who's ready for pizza!" Alex said gleefully, opening the box of pepperoni. Ruby already had a slice in her hands and was chewing away with a contented air.

Kara smiled at the sight, then looked down at her feet, sudden anger surging through her. She stood up, adjusting her glasses. "Actually, I think I'd better go."

"But it's dinnertime and we have pizza. You can't leave," Ruby said as though the idea was ridiculous.

"Sorry kiddo. Maybe next time?" Kara gave her a hug then glanced at Alex uncertainly. Deciding against a hug with her sister, she left the room with a sad smile in Sam's direction. Why was she the one who was hurting when it was Alex who had the problem? Why did Alex get to laugh and enjoy pizza with Ruby and Sam while she sat alone, waiting for someone to find Lena? With an angry yell, she ripped her shirt off revealing her suit and jumped in the sky in one smooth motion, too fast for anyone to track. She hovered above the city and finally broke down; about Alex, about Lena, about Maggie who was hurting because of Alex. She flew in a general upwards direction until she couldn't see because of the tears in her eyes, then did a one-eighty and barreled towards the ground. Just once she wanted to hurt, to feel the impact of her bones into a solid, hard surface. She understood why Maggie had punched sandbags and dummies until her hands had bled; she wanted the same distraction. Speeding up, she righted herself and her feet slammed into the ground with enough force to buckle the concrete. She felt the shock of impact go through her body with satisfaction and barely heard the shocked yells of bystanders who had seen her drop to the ground. She could see Alex and Sam looking out the window of Lena's office at the noise and right then her phone buzzed, distracting her. It was a text from Winn, and when she pulled it up, her heart stopped. A picture popped up on the screen along with the words ' _Just sent to DEO. No source, tracing it now.'_ Lena was lying on the ground, seemingly asleep, and there was a chain around her neck locked into a heavy metal ring on the ground. Sheets of paper were strewn around her and as Kara scanned the photo trying to see if there were any injuries, she got another text.

 _Dead end with trace. IDing the environment—come to the DEO._

Kara shoved the phone away then turned to look back up. She could just make out Alex's concerned expression but she ignored it, taking off in the direction of the DEO.

* * *

Lena woke up lying on the floor. The last thing she remembered was electricity surging through her body and Alex's screams from down the hallway. Something about a submarine? With a start, she remembered. They were underwater. No one could even see them, or find her. She sat up and felt something heavy and cold resting against her throat. Lifting a hand, she realized there was a chain padlocked around her neck that tied her to the heavy metal ring she'd seen earlier. "I guess that's what that was for," she muttered as she looked around. The papers from the briefcase were strewn around her as though someone had thrown them in the air, and there was a cup of water within arm's reach. She picked it up with unsteady hands, not sure what her mother was planning, and sipped it slowly. When the door opened, she looked up, the chains around her neck clanking as she moved.

"You're awake." Her mother crossed the room and sat down on the mattress. "My men tell me you caught some unfortunate information earlier."

"How did you get Alex Danvers here?" Lena said brusquely. "There will be people looking for her too. You've slipped up."

"I don't _slip up_ ," Lillian hissed, grabbing the chains and forcing Lena to look her in the eye. She could see outside the doorway the Martian was standing with two other men and transforming back into Alex's form. She held Lena's head in place until the likeness of Alex Danvers was standing outside the room, then shoved Lena away from her. "Everything I do has a reason. Like this." She snapped her fingers and the two agents threw Alex's body into the room where it landed with a sickening _thud_ by Lena's feet.

"Alex," Lena said as her breath caught. She'd clearly been beaten again; there was blood smeared across her face and she could barely open either of her eyes. "Alex," she whispered, pulling the older Danvers' head into her lap. "What have they done to you?"

Lillian pulled out a phone and unbeknownst to Lena, started to video her. The chains hampered Lena's movement but she tried to raise Alex into a sitting position. "It's your fault she looks like this," Lillian taunted her daughter. "I read through your notes. You're trying to kill the strain I have left. Every time you disobey me, I punish her." She pointed to one of the men and he stepped into the room. Lena recognized him as the man who'd tased her and shivered, instinctively moving back as he approached, trying to drag Alex with her.

"No!" Lena cried out as the man easily plucked Alex from her grasp, lifting her by the throat. Alex started to choke as he dragged her along the floor before slamming her back against the wall, holding her there by her neck as Lena watched helplessly, pulling on her chains. She couldn't really get up beyond a sitting position and the chain was only a few feet long. "Let her go!"

"I told you not to disobey me," Lillian sneered. The other man stepped into the room and walked over to where the first man had Alex pinned against the wall. She was fighting back but her movements were weak, as though she was tired and disoriented. She shrunk back in fear at the sight of the second man and Lena barely had time to cry out before his fist pounded into Alex's stomach. Alex sagged against the arm pinning her to the wall, gasping for breath, her eyes trying to focus on Lena but not able to.

"Alex! Let her go, please!" Lena felt tears streaming down her face. She couldn't bear the fact that Alex was suffering because of her, but she couldn't tear her eyes away as the man drew his fist back for another punch. The chain was pinching her neck but she strained against it as the man's fist battered Alex's stomach again. This time, she slid down the wall to the floor as the man released her, and coughed up blood. "Alex, can you hear me?" Lena said frantically. Alex was on her knees, still coughing up red, and Lena could see her whole body shaking. "I'll do whatever you want," she said to her mother, "Just leave her alone."

"It's a little too late for that," Lillian turned the camera on Haldrak, still in Alex's form. She felt a little bad for the Martian's having to take the blows but he'd said he could handle it. The blood dripping down Alex's face was convincing, even though it was fake, and she nodded to the men. She saw Lena pulling against her chains, leaving red marks along her skin as she tried in vain to stop what was happening, and turned the camera back to her daughter. "Say hi to your friends, Lena," she said mockingly.

Lena noticed the camera for the first time and spat at her mother. "You're disgusting. Let her go and I promise I'll help you."

"You already have. I've realized I just have to do it on my own. Thankfully, I've found a way to make the virus water soluble. Tastes a little like chemicals, I'm told, but it'll do the job." Lena had turned away from her to see the man kick Alex viciously in the head and she fell over, hitting the ground. Lena screamed and her mother ended the video.

"I swear I'll help you, just stop this," Lena said as Alex tried to crawl away, her hands up to ward off another blow. "Let her go. I've already figured out how to get the virus to affect all the aliens," she lied. "I won't tell you unless you stop."

"I read through your notes, remember? You haven't figured it out, but I did, from your disorganized scribbles. I just needed a fresh pair of eyes to look at my data and yours did the trick." Lillian typed something into the phone and smiled at her daughter. "That video I just took? I sent it to your friends at the DEO. Maybe Supergirl will come to save you, but I doubt she'll make it in time. Even if she does, we'll be gone long before then and you and she can die together."

"What do you mean?" Lena's eyes narrowed.

"I may not have made the virus to kill every alien yet, that'll take some time to develop. But the strain that kills Kryptonians? I already have it ready, it's pumping through the ventilation system."

"Don't...water," Alex mumbled, gasping in pain as one of the men pulled her up and started to drag her out of the room.

"What? Alex, what did you say?" Lena tried to reach her friend but the man kicked her in the face and she flinched back in pain, feeling her nose break.

"Don't drink the water," Alex repeated as the heels of her boots dragged on the floor. The door closed behind her, leaving Lena with the other man and her mother. She was holding a hand to her nose to stop the flow of blood, and her mother bent down.

"You've been ingesting the modified Medusa virus in your water since I brought you here. If Supergirl or even Superman comes to save you, you will watch them break down in front of you. Your body has the deadliest thing next to kryptonite to them flowing through it."

"You bitch," Lena growled, lunging forwards. The man grabbed her shoulders and held her back but she still tried to get at her mother. "I should've known everything with you is an ulterior motive."

"Get her hands, please," Lillian looked at the man with a bored expression and he wrenched Lena's arms behind her, making her cry out. She felt him handcuff her hands behind her back, and tried to get away unsuccessfully. "Wouldn't want to ruin that pretty face." She put her hand under Lena's chin and tilted her head to the side before cracking her nose back into place without a warning. Lena groaned and bent over, hiding her face. "Don't you want to know how I did it?" Lillian said smugly.

"Did what?" Lena raised her head and glared daggers at her mother, her nose throbbing. She could feel the blood on her face and imagined the virus in her veins.

"How I got the answer?"

"Not really," Lena said shortly. Hearing the man move around behind her she looked back, but he was just rummaging through his pockets.

"You wrote something down. 'Sarin', like the gas used in wars. And I realized, I didn't have to kill them all. Because, you see, in chemical warfare, Sarin is feared not because it kills but because it leaves the human body a wreck, a ruined frame. It attacks the nervous system. So I just had to isolate the components of a human body; water, carbon, ammonia, lime, phosphorous, salt, sulfur, iron...all those other ones that I'm sure you know by heart. And I created an antidote to the virus for humans."

"How does that kill everyone?" Lena refused to look her mother in the eye but her mind was racing.

"Well, you see, I decided to use the Medusa virus to create something of a Sarin gas that will affect everyone in National City. Humans and aliens alike will be affected, their nervous systems will break down as the acetylcholine stays as a neurotransmitter for longer than it was meant to. Their own nervous systems would turn against them."

"I didn't ask for a lecture," Lena said bitterly. "It also sounds like you're going to kill everyone, what's the point of an antidote?"

"A long-lasting, selective antidote. The Medusa virus only kills by species, my antidote would only be effective in humans."

The idea her mother had birthed dawned on Lena and she stared at her mother in horror. "You're going to release the antidote first, then the virus."

"That's the plan," Lillian said cheerfully. "It's really all thanks to you."

"But if not every human gets the antidote..."

"Collateral damage. All's fair in love and war, and if some people have to die to cleanse the population, they will be recognized as heroes."

"You're sick," Lena said with a horrified expression.

"No, I'm pragmatic. There's a difference." Lillian rose and looked Lena up and down. "And I've always wanted to do _this_." To punctuate her last word, she kicked Lena in the shoulder with as much force as she could muster. Lena was knocked back and fell awkwardly on her hands. She clenched her teeth and shut her eyes, not wanting to cry out. She could feel where Lillian's heel had dug into her flesh, and barely had time to process the pain before the man was dragging her upright and unlocking the chains from around her neck. "See to it that she remembers this," Lillian said as she left the room.

"You don't have to do this," Lena groaned as the door locked behind her mother. The man grabbed her throat roughly and slammed her into the wall just as he had done with Alex. "You're a good person, you don't have to."

He pulled her forwards and slammed the side of her head against the wall, dazing her. "You don't know anything about me. I serve Cadmus," he snarled in her face.

"Don't you have a family?" she gasped breathlessly.

He didn't answer her, but she saw him bring his arm back and form a fist. Trying to brace herself, she clenched her teeth but when his fist crashed into her stomach she let out a cry, falling to her knees. It felt like her stomach had been wrenched out of her body and she almost puked, desperately trying to suck in a breath. His fist came down across her face and she fell to the floor silently, close to passing out. She lay there gasping for a moment before he started to kick her, and then she couldn't hold back her cries of pain. She couldn't focus on anything but the pain in her torso, her ribs, as each blow landed close to the last. Feeling one of her ribs crack, her eyes drifted shut but she felt him drag her off the floor and throw her onto the mattress. He pulled out a syringe and she shrunk back, afraid of the unknown contents of the needle. Her body cried out in pain and she almost blacked out from the stabbing in her ribs, but she forced herself to keep her eyes open as the man approached her with the needle. He held her down and she was in too much agony to fight him off for very long; feeling a prick in her arm she closed her eyes as he pressed the plunger down. A minute later, she could feel the drugs entering her bloodstream and to her surprise, the pain subsided from her body. With tremendous effort, she looked up as the man left the room, her eyes fluttering shut. She had to find a way to warn people, to warn Supergirl, if she was even coming. Unable to think straight, she sighed before giving in to unconsciousness.


	17. 17) Broken Mirrors

"You have seconds, literal _seconds,_ to tell me where Lena is." Kara stormed up to Winn who was typing rapidly, his eyes glued to his computer screen.

"Calm down, Supergirl," J'onn said in an authoritative tone. "He's going as fast as he can. And I've been trying to track her psychically—unfortunately with no luck so far."

"That isn't making me feel any better," Kara growled, thinking of the bruise across Lena's face. She turned on him and her cape spread out behind her, hitting Winn on the arm and momentarily distracting him. "Keep typing," she ordered when she saw him look up. Knowing better than to argue, Winn put his head down and his fingers flew over the keys.

"If I can find the cell towers that sent that photo, I can try to pinpoint the location of the phone that sent it to us," he said after a minute. "It looks like...maybe Portugal?"

"I don't want a maybe." Kara's eyes flashed.

"Port Lisbon, Portugal," Winn said confidently. "There's a definite ping from at least two towers by the administrative officers less than a mile from the docks. It's not a one-hundred percent, but it's a ninety-two—"

"Get me there. Now." Kara hurried to the exit. Halfway to the door her feet left the ground and she barely gave J'onn enough time to open the glass door before flying off.

"I'm worried about her," Winn said as he sent the coordinates to Kara's phone. "Should we ask Alex to talk to her?"

"You should ask Alex to talk to me." Maggie walked up; her left hand was in a brace and both hands were wrapped in bandages. "She's been avoiding me, it seems like. What happened?" She looked between J'onn and Winn as they watched her approach.

"What happened to _you_?" Winn stared at Maggie's hands, concern in his eyes.

"Lost a fight with a punching bag. What's the latest?"

"Brace yourself." Winn pulled up the picture and Maggie winced. Lena's bruise looked painful and it seemed like Alex had downplayed the injury in her retelling of the story to protect her sister.

"Has anyone shown this to Kara?"

"Already headed to Portugal. Signal from a cell tower," Winn explained as Agent Vasquez walked up at tapped J'onn on the arm. She whispered something in his ear and his expression darkened before he followed her to her station.

"Portugal? That's farther south than Ireland." Maggie flexed her right hand, wincing as the bandages pulled across her split knuckles. "Does Alex know yet? Is she here?" she asked, almost afraid of the answer. If her girlfriend had been at the DEO all day and not come to see her, she would be a little hurt. Alex had mentioned having a meeting with a sponsor from AA, but it couldn't have taken all day.

"Uh, she left pretty early in the morning after attacking me for waking her up," Winn said with a grimace. "And I haven't seen her all day. Why?"

Maggie frowned but as she opened her mouth to comment, J'onn called out loudly from across the room. "Agent Schott, Agent Sawyer. Conference room, now." Shooting Winn a confused look that he returned, Maggie walked down the hall. J'onn followed them into the room, closing the door behind him. His expression was unreadable as he surveyed the two.

"So what is it?" Maggie spoke up, not willing to stare in silence any longer.

"You might want to sit down for this." As Winn and Maggie took a seat at the table, J'onn crossed his arms. "What I'm about to show you is highly classified and will be hard to watch. There are a few things you need to remember when you see this." Maggie nodded slowly and he continued. "First, this has already happened. Dwelling on it will do no one any good but we _can_ prevent it from happening again. Second, finding Lena Luthor is not our main priority. The message that was sent with this...it isn't good. Lillian Luthor has threatened to release a virus that could kill everyone in National City—humans and aliens alike. Our priority is to stop her, no matter the cost."

"You're not just talking about stopping Lillian." Maggie met J'onn's reluctant gaze and he looked away. "When you say no matter the cost…"

"Kara will understand," J'onn said unconvincingly. "And hopefully it won't come to that, but in case it does, I want you to be prepared for the worst."

"Have you told Kara this?" Winn shook his head. "Cause she's already going out of her mind and if she hears that you're willing to sacrifice Lena, you might find yourself with a furious, unstoppable Kryptonian on your hands."

"I already told Supergirl to head back to the DEO, but no, I didn't mention that detail to her. Hopefully you won't either. And it's not that I'm willing to, but if a decision has to be made, it has to be objective."

"Absolutely not," Maggie said in a firm tone. She rested her hands carefully on the table and looked J'onn in the eye. "I can get behind wanting to save the city but Lena is one of the only people smart enough to stop Lillian without using brute force. We need her alive, _objectively speaking._ "

"There are people with almost the same level of education—Agent Danvers, for one. Which brings me to my next point. The person that you see, it isn't Alex."

"What?" Maggie shook her head. "What does that mean?"

"I mean, I've already contacted Agent Danvers. She's on her way here right now and she's been at L-Corp all day." As J'onn finished, Kara walked into the room.

"I was about to reach the Atlantic, so you better have a really good reason for this," she fumed.

"Did you hear what I said to these two?" J'onn eyed her disheveled appearance.

"No, I was too busy flying across the United States. Super hearing only does so much, you know."

As he repeated what he'd said, not mentioning Lena, Kara slowly sat down next to Maggie. "What do you mean, it isn't Alex?" she parroted Maggie when he was done.

J'onn paused. "You'll see," he said as he handed her a tablet. A video file was open on the screen, and Kara pressed play with some trepidation.

She immediately wished she hadn't. A shaky frame of Lena with chains around her neck made Kara gasp audibly and she gripped the edge of the table. Lillian was saying something but Kara's eyes were rooted on the person lying in Lena's lap.

Alex.

"It's not her," J'onn said in a deep voice. Despite knowing he wouldn't lie to her and Maggie, Kara felt panic well up in her chest and tighten around her heart. Her sister—not her sister—had clearly been beaten, and she was gasping for air. Kara felt Maggie twitch beside her as the Alex look-alike was slammed against the wall. In the video, Lena was struggling to reach her but the chains were too short and Kara turned away, fury making tears prick at the backs of her eyes.

"Has she seen this?" she asked J'onn, looking at the floor. Her breath caught as she heard Lena scream " _Leave her alone!"_ and she clenched her jaw.

"Not yet." J'onn didn't meet her eyes. "I don't think Alex should see—"

"Don't think Alex should see what?" Alex opened the door and looked at the three of them curiously. "What's with the top-secret meeting?"

Winn hurried to pause the video as Maggie stood up, relief plain on her face. "Oh my god," she said breathlessly, running to envelop Alex in a hug. She had sat silently and stone-faced as the video played but tears fell down her face and onto Alex's jacket as she clutched at her girlfriend, ignoring the pain in her hands.

"What—your hands! Maggie, what's going on?" Alex brought her arms up to return the hug reflexively but looked around for answers. "I got an emergency call. Did we find her?"

"It's a video," Kara said coldly, "of Cadmus beating you in front of Lena and she's blaming herself for it. I know she is." She refused to look at her sister, her fingers biting into the thick wood of the table.

"How—"

"A white Martian," J'onn cut Alex off. "It must be. But as to why Lillian Luthor would voluntarily be working with an alien? I have no idea."

Winn stood up jerkily. "I can't watch anymore of this, I'll—I'm going to track down the video signal." He looked at Kara with pain in his eyes. "Go to Portugal, investigate the Lisbon Port lead. I'll have something better soon," he said as he left the room. J'onn followed him out with a concerned look at Alex before closing the door behind him.

Alex stepped past Maggie and craned her neck at the tablet. It was bizarre to see a picture of herself on the ground, coughing up blood and she felt a shiver run through her as though someone was walking on her grave. Seeing Kara's stormy expression, she knelt down. "Kara? Hey, Kara, it's okay. I'm here. I'm fine." She put her hand on Kara's shoulder and her sister shrugged it off.

The wood under her fingers splintered. " _You_ may be fine," she said bitterly, "but Lena isn't." She picked up the tablet and stared hard at the screen. Seeing Lena on the ground in such a vulnerable position made a deep rage settle in her bones and she scanned every inch of the paused video, her eyes drinking up the details. "She isn't." Maggie stepped up and eased the tablet from Kara's vise-like grip as Alex tried to console her sister.

"Kara, we will find her. This is a breakthrough, Winn will—"

"A breakthrough? How can you say that? And Winn will—will what? Track down another empty storage container? You may be fine with temporary setbacks because it isn't Maggie's life on the line here, but Lena won't be fine until we get her back, and I'm certainly _not_ _fine_ with this!" Kara exploded. She stood violently, pieces of the table breaking off in her hands. "Let me finish the video," she said coldly to Maggie.

"Kara, that seems like a bad idea," Maggie said in a calming voice. The tablet shook in her hands but she didn't give it back to Kara.

"Don't you have a job to get to?" Kara scoffed.

"I already called off sick for injury," Maggie explained. "I think you should go to Lisbon while Winn traces this video."

"Speaking of injury, what happened to your hands?" Alex took the tablet from Maggie and put it on the table, taking Maggie's wrists gently in her hands. She didn't want to look at her sister and see accusation in her eyes, so she stepped in front of her girlfriend. "Maggie," she said in a warning tone when she didn't get a response. "Tell me."

Maggie looked down at the ground, her wrists trapped in Alex's grip. "I—" she was saved the trouble of an explanation as the sound of Lena screaming echoed around the room. Kara had played the video and she watched nervously as Kara's nostrils flared, Lena's scream still hanging in the air as the video ended. "Kara, calm down." She could see Alex's sister falling apart and her mind was racing, trying to think of the right words. She looked back at Alex and took a deep breath. "Go to Portugal—" she was interrupted this time by the sound of shattering glass; Kara's hands had crumpled the tablet between them and broken glass landed on the table. "Go to Portugal," Maggie repeated more emphatically, "And track down this lead. Now," she said, pointing to the door. It wasn't lost on her how Alex's eyes followed her hand and she groaned internally. Her impulse control wasn't any better than Kara's, apparently.

Kara glared at her then wiped an angry tear from her cheek. "I'll be back. You better _hound_ Winn until he gets me an exact location," she said as the left the room.

"Wow, your sister is costing the DEO a lot in damaged equipment," Maggie said as the door shut behind Kara. "You might want to rein her in before they cut your salary."

Alex frowned, unamused. She raised an eyebrow and took Kara's seat, crossing her arms. She eyed Maggie silently, waiting for the other woman to explain herself, and when nothing came forth she started to brush the broken glass off the table. The only noise in the room was from the _clinks_ as shards of glass hit the floor and Maggie took a deep breath before sitting across the table from Alex. She knew her girlfriend could wait her out and the tension was growing unbearable, so she started in a low voice.

"I didn't know...how hard it would be. Growing up, I didn't think my life would look anything like this." Maggie looked down at her hands, suddenly realizing that there was dried blood staining the bandages. "There are...aliens, and superpowers, and people bent on world domination—actual, real life world domination. How am I supposed to compete with that? I'm just a girl from Blue Springs, Nebraska. I'm a cop. Do you know what they teach us in the Academy? They teach us how to wrestle suspects to the ground. They teach us the Miranda Rights. They teach us how how to disarm someone in hand-to-hand combat, and how to shoot someone in the head from down the block. They don't teach us how to—I never learned what to do when everything is falling apart. Even when my dad kicked me out, I knew I had time to grow and figure out my life. But now I'm here, I've figured it out. This is my life. And—" Maggie's voice choked off as Alex got up and put her arms around her neck.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Alex whispered, shocked at how much Maggie was hurting. "I could've been there for you, I could have talked you through it. I'd never leave you alone if I knew you were feeling this way, Mags."

Maggie sniffled, inhaling Alex's scent of leather as she kissed the top of her head. She rested her chin on the brunette's head for a moment, trying to pinpoint something. When it hit her, she smiled and sniffled again.

"Maggie? What is it?" Alex raised her head to see Maggie crying.

"You smell different."

"Good different or bad different? Cause that's not usually a great sentence to say to a girl."

Maggie looked into Alex's eyes, searching for the words. "There's this smell you have," she started slowly, "this—this _Alex_ smell that I've gotten used to and I know it's barely been a few days, but…"

"But what?" Alex smiled but was still confused. "What are you saying?"

"You used to always smell like...leather and alcohol. That's the smell I always knew was you, the smell that clung to you even when you were naked. This mix of leather jackets and scotch." Alex bit her lip but didn't say anything, and Maggie continued. "But now...all I smell is leather." She leaned in and inhaled again, then leaned back. "Leather and...pizza?"

Alex laughed, relieved that Maggie hadn't made a big deal out of it, but she was secretly proud of herself. Maggie always knew exactly what she needed to hear even when she didn't, and she felt validated when Maggie pointed out the little things like changes in her smell or her hair. "I got pizza for Ruby. I've been at L-Corp practically all day. Earlier I, uh, I went to Matthew's office."

"Your sponsor?"

"I saw him but I couldn't go through with it. I ended up at a...a bar. Um, I didn't really know what to do with myself, I'm sorry." Alex leaned back, not sure how her girlfriend was going to take the information. "I didn't have anything to drink, I swear."

Maggie had dropped her gaze and was looking at her hands, turning them over on the table. "I trust you. But this is why I didn't say anything," she said in a sad voice.

"What—what does that mean? I don't understand what's stopping you from talking to me, is it me—is it something I did? Just tell me, I'll fix it, I promise." Alex started to panic, thinking that Maggie was pulling away from her. She could hear the change in her voice as it shot up an octave and she knew Maggie would have noticed it too.

"I didn't want to add to your list of things to worry about, Alex. I didn't want to be one more reason for you to take a drink. I just—I wanted to manage this on my own. Can't you understand that?" Maggie clenched her right hand and fresh blood stained her bandages.

"Okay. Okay, slow down." At the sight of Maggie's blood, all of Alex's worry about their relationship disappeared and she slid her hand under Maggie's, forcing to relax her hand. "I know this has been a shitty week. For Kara, and Lena, and Sam, and you especially. You have had to hold my world together and you have had to keep your cool for everyone. You've been taking care of Kara, and taking care of me, but you haven't been taking care of yourself."

"That's rich, coming from you." Maggie felt strangely bitter, as though with Alex saying it out loud she felt all the worry and stress she'd been pushing away for the last week. "I'm sorry, that was mean," she said quickly as Alex retreated a bit. "I don't know what's going on with me. I just...I need to figure some stuff out."

"No, no, that's okay," Alex said slowly. "I can relate to saying things you regret."

Maggie bit her lip. "I don't regret it, though," she said after a beat. "You shouldn't get on my case for not taking care of myself." She felt strangely guilty and hid her hands under the table, suddenly struck with the feeling of having done something wrong, something taboo. She kew Alex was always overprotective of the people she loved and it was one of the things she loved about her, but right now it was irking her. Her heart and her brain were on two separate tracks and she felt the urge to smash her fists into something like she had in the gym that morning; she wanted to feel something give way under her fists in the same way that the table had splintered away under Kara's hands.

"I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that," Alex said in a cautious tone. She knew Maggie was hurting and that she wasn't thinking clearly, but she didn't have the words to calm her down. It was always Maggie who calmed _her_ down, who said just the right thing and reminded her to put things in perspective. "I think we should go up to the med bay and re-wrap your hands," Alex suggested. "Then we can talk about what happened today."

"I don't really want to talk about today," Maggie said brusquely. She wasn't sure where this anger was coming from but she couldn't stop it. "I'm going for a run."

"Would you at least let me change your bandages?" Alex was trying to keep up with Maggie's mood swings but she was having a hard time. "Maybe if I got you some Advil? It looks like your knuckles are bruised pretty badly."

Maggie waved her off. "I just have to clear my head. I'm...in a weird place." She didn't move as Alex kissed her cheek, not returning the gesture. As she turned to go, Alex got up the courage to stop her.

"Hang on, wait. I just need to know. Did anything change between us? I don't want to leave things like this; two seconds ago you were proud of me and now I'm...in trouble? What happened?"

Maggie looked down and picked lint off her shirt. "Nothing I just realized...maybe you're right. I need to think about myself for a little."

"Are you...breaking up with me?" Alex's voice broke and she couldn't process what was happening. Her heart was in her stomach and she couldn't breathe. "I know I need to work some things out, but Sam is my sponsor and I was with her all day and," she held her hands out pleadingly, "just give me a little more time, please."

"Sam's your sponsor?" Maggie couldn't stop the spike of jealousy that went through her. "I thought that was Matthew's job."

"It is. It was. I just moved some things around, but she's really helping me and I was with her and Ruby all day," Alex said hurriedly, trying to get Maggie to see her side."Please don't give up on me," she said in a broken voice. "Not now."

Maggie looked at Alex but couldn't meet her eyes. "I'm not giving up on you. I love you, I do." Her short sentences sounded empty even to her ears.

"Then why does it sound like you're leaving me?" Alex felt a tear at the corner of her eye and wiped it away with a shaky hand. "I just want to help you. I don't understand."

Maggie stepped closer and pulled Alex into a hug. "I'm not leaving you. Stop worrying." Her strange mood had passed; the anger and the guilt she had felt earlier had dissipated the second Alex had started to fall apart but she couldn't put feeling into her words. "I just need to go for a run." She smiled tentatively, all the unspoken words trapped behind her lips. She couldn't leave Alex any more than she could rip off her own arm, but she felt strangely dead and she needed to get away from everything for a while. "I'm just going to run around the city. An hour, tops, and I'll meet you at home."

"Okay, but be careful cause it's getting dark." Alex was unconvinced but she tried to stamp down her fear, reminding herself that she always jumped to conclusions. It wasn't the first time she'd been unjustifiably afraid that Maggie would leave her, and she figured if Maggie said she was just going for a run, that's all that would happen. She watched her girlfriend leave the room and sat down again, her mind and body screaming for a drink. Her foot tapped out a rhythm for a few minutes and she wrestled with her thoughts.

 _Just one drink. You'll feel a lot better afterwards._

 _I don't want Maggie to leave me._

 _I can't drink. If I do, she'll leave me for sure._

 _Your relationship shouldn't be dependent on whether or not you drink._

 _She's just looking out for me._

Pulling her phone out of her pocket, she called Sam.

"Alex?" Sam's hushed voice answered her. "It's late, is everything alright?"

"I need…" she trailed off, not sure what she needed. She stared at the broken tablet in front of her, wishing she was more like her sister. At least anger management classes were easier to deal with than AA meetings. With anger, you could scream or run or punch your way out.

"Come by my house," Sam said casually, breaking the silence. "Ruby's already asleep, this homeschooling thing is working out surprisingly well."

"Shoot, I totally forgot. I don't want to wake her," Alex said with concern. "It's fine, I can head home."

"I think we both know that's not a good idea, Alex." Sam tried to keep her voice natural but a hint of caution entered her tone. "Besides," she said in a more serious voice, "I've been worried sick about Lena and obsessively cleaning my house waiting for an update. You can come help—idle hands and all that."

Alex groaned good-naturedly. "How could I pass up that offer?"

"Great, so I'll send you the address and see you soon? And if you don't show up, I'll call the cops on you and declare you missing," Sam joked.

"Ugh, please don't. Maggie would be at the head of that."

"Trouble in paradise?" Sam thought back to her conversations with Maggie. The younger woman had seemed confident about the whole Alex situation initially, but she knew better.

"You could say that. I just feel like...I'm—she's slipping away from me and there's nothing I can do about it."

"I guarantee you she feels the same way," Sam reassured her. "Now come over before I get so bored I sweep the floor."

"Alright," Alex smiled and hung up. She closed her eyes and leaned back, imagining the burn of a drink sliding down her throat. She pictured the bar around her; the hum in her ears, the liquor settling in her stomach, the warmth that would radiate through her body, the happy fuzziness that alcohol brought her. Her phone buzzed and she looked down, Sam's address popping up. She stood up and headed for the door, stopping by Winn before she left.

"Hey Alex," Winn said without looking up. "I think I'll have something soon. I'm running every single program known to the FBI to trace the video, as well as some that they don't know about." He pointed to the second screen in front of him that was blinking furiously, coordinates and codes flashing across it. "It'll take all night though. It's the best I can do, which is frustrating. Want to grab a drink?"

Alex's eyes closed behind Winn and she took a deep breath. "Can you keep a secret?" she blurted out after a moment's silence. Winn paused and looked up curiously.

"Sure I can. What's up?"

"It's not—it's not a good thing. And it's not really a secret, not anymore. You're just one of the last people to know," Alex shrugged. "I mean, even Lena knew—knows, and she and I don't exactly have sleepovers and braid each other's hair."

"Okay. What is it?"

Alex bit her lip and considered backing out but it was too late. "I've been having some...problems. With, um, drinking. Please don't make a big deal out of it," she said as Winn's eyes widened. "I'm—getting help. I am. I just, you asked if I wanted to grab a drink, and I—I can't." She watched Winn as he stood up slowly.

"Well, shit." He reached an arm back and scratched his head. "I never would've said that if—I didn't know. I'm sorry." He rested his hands on his waist and looked at her earnestly. "If you ever need anything, you know where to find me."

Suddenly wanting to escape the situation, Alex nodded and backed away. "Um, okay. So I'm going to go, but tell me if anything happens?"

Winn held out his hands. "You're leaving me? To get pulverized by your sister?"

"Why? What happened?" Alex froze in concern.

"She's already heading back. The port in Lisbon didn't have anything to follow." Winn sat back down with a sigh.

"I can stay if you need," Alex stood uncertainly, half-facing the exit.

"No, no. Go. I need fewer distractions, we need to find Lillian. Where are you going, by the way?"

"Sam's house. You remember Sam, right? She had that cute kid."

Winn nodded, turning to face his computers. "Right. I'll let you know if we find anything. And you'll be able to hear when your sister gets back because I'll probably be screaming."

"She knows it's not your fault," Alex said defensively. "She doesn't mean to take it out on you. She's just...she and Lena have a close relationship. I'm surprised she's held it together for this long."

"I know, I know. Maybe I should let her beat me up," he sighed as J'onn walked up to them.

"Maybe I should let her beat _me_ up," Alex offered.

"It won't do anyone any good for us all to blame ourselves," J'onn said, turning to Alex. "I'd prefer it if you stayed and tried to work on an antidote, but if you really have to go..."

"I don't have to leave right—" her phone buzzed and she looked down. Sam had sent her a screenshot of her dial pad with the numbers '9-1' typed in, and a message.

 _You better not be dead, Danvers._

She glanced at J'onn and bit her lip before responding.

 _Caught up at work. I'm leaving right now, but I'll have to come back later._

She hit send with a smile and looked up to see J'onn watching her attentively. "Go," he instructed. "I'm sure Maggie wants to spend time with you. But come back afterwards, I don't want this situation getting out of control."

"Maggie. Yeah," Alex said guiltily. He must have guessed that her smile meant she was texting her girlfriend, but he was wrong. Thanking the fact that J'onn didn't read her mind unless there was a really good reason, she left the DEO.

* * *

It took her about twenty minutes to get to Sam's house; she got lost twice on the way because she didn't recognize the streets or the neighborhood. She got out of the car and looked up at the house. It was modestly large house, and it looked like her childhood home only smaller. She knocked quietly on the door and ran her hands through her hair. The late fall weather was chilly enough to warrant one of her thicker leather jackets, but she was wearing a tank top underneath and was straightening it as Sam opened the door.

"Hey," Sam greeted her warmly. "How was the drive?"

"Not bad. I don't really know this side of town though, so I got lost once or twice." She hesitantly followed Sam inside. "Your house is nice," she commented.

"You say that now, but inside it's a mess," Sam snorted. Alex looked around as they walked through the foyer. The house had a very homey feel, and photos of Ruby and Sam lined the walls.

"Cute," Alex said, leaning down to take a closer look at a photo of Sam and Ruby sticking their tongues out.

"That was a few years ago, if you couldn't tell," Sam laughed. "She's not as cute anymore."

"I think she still is. But aren't we going to wake her?" Alex lowered her voice. "I'm sorry to impose on you so late," she added. "I almost didn't come over."

"That girl could sleep through an earthquake, don't worry." Sam waved a hand and led Alex into the kitchen. "So why did you get called to the super-secret spy center?

"There was a...development." Alex sat down at the counter feeling at ease with Sam. Her upbeat tone and easy going manner seemed to hold up in the face of adversity, and it reduced her own anxiety. "A video was sent to the DEO. We're trying to trace it now, but Kara didn't have any luck with the last lead and she's...well, it's not great. I'll have to head back later." She didn't know how much detail to go into, and she waited to see Sam's reaction.

Sam looked worried and spread her hands out. "All cards on the table? I knew about that."

"What?"

"I didn't know right when you were called. But I when I was at the DEO a few days ago, I asked J'onn to keep me in the loop. So I got a call about it a little after you left."

"Oh." Alex was a little taken aback. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to push you," Sam said gently. "I know that video was probably hard for you to watch."

"So you saw..."

"I saw you getting beat up, if that's what you're getting at. It was bizarre." She brushed her hair behind her ear and smiled cautiously. "Probably not as weird as it was for you."

"Yeah." Alex smiled then frowned, putting her head in her hands. "This is all my fault." She remembered the feeling of fingers around her neck and watching Lillian leave with Lena's unconscious body as she gasped for air. "I could've prevented this."

"This isn't on you, Alex." Sam sat next to her and pulled her hands away from her face. "Stop blaming yourself for everything. Maybe blame J'onn, for a start," she said bitterly.

"Why J'onn? And what if we don't stop Lillian? Who knows what she's planning?"

"J'onn didn't tell you?" Sam leaned back.

"Tell me what?" Alex's forehead wrinkled. "He barely explained the video, just left. I guess he went to call you."

Sam pursed her lips. "Lillian Luthor is apparently in possession of something that could wipe out everyone in the city." She saw Alex's eyes widen but kept going. "No one, human or alien, would be safe. That's what she's threatened, anyway, and the DEO doesn't seem like the kind of organization to that threats like that lightly."

"They wouldn't," Alex said, still a little shocked.

"I don't agree with J'onn, though," Sam grimaced.

"Why?"

"He said that Lena wasn't the priority." Sam cracked her knuckles and laid her hands on the table. "He said that if it came to it, National City had to be saved at any expense."

"He wouldn't..." Alex said uncertainly. "Kara would never agree to that, he knows that."

"I know what I heard, Alex."

Alex closed her eyes. "I hate that I can't fix this," she said with a sigh. "I hate that Lillian could kill Lena and we wouldn't even know it and we wouldn't be able to stop it, I hate that I'm not supposed to drink, and I hate that it's all I want to do."

"I know the feeling," Sam agreed. "But you're just starting this journey, so maybe cut yourself a little slack. Despite whatever you're telling yourself, anything could trigger you."

Alex thought about her conversation with Maggie and nodded. "I think you're right. Maggie mentioned that I don't take care of myself, and it really got to me. More than I care to admit."

"No judgement here. My goldfish died and I went on a bender for a week. I was cutting coke with Xanax, and by the end of it I couldn't recognize myself." Sam laughed darkly. "That's one of the times when I woke up in the bathroom with Lena's hand down my throat."

"Jesus," Alex said quietly, not sure what to say. "Was it because you...I mean...were you trying to do something?"

"Not really. She just assumed I'd taken too much, like I had in the past, and it just happened that that time I'd snorted the drugs instead of popping pills." Sam looked off into the distance. "She's done a lot for me, Lena. I'm...it's hard, with her missing. I wish I could help, I feel so useless." Sam turned back to see Alex biting her lip. "Anyways, that was just over a fish, if you can believe it. You just have to get used to not always being in control."

"I hate that feeling. And I'm worried about her."

"Maggie?"

"Yeah. She had bandages on her hands. There was blood and—I know she uses exercise as her outlet, a way to organize the thoughts in her head, but she's going a little too hard. Much too hard, in fact, and she doesn't talk to me anymore."

"It's difficult for her," Sam said in a soft voice. "You can't forget that. The way you want to keep your problems to yourself? She feels the same way."

"She said as much," Alex nodded. "I'm just afraid. Afraid that she's backing away and I'm not doing everything I could to stop it." She sighed in frustration and slapped the counter top, then winced and shook her hand out. "I wasn't expecting that to hurt so badly." She swallowed, her throat tight. "I have to get back. I have to work on an antidote in case Lillian releases the virus, in case...we don't get there in time. I'll make sure J'onn doesn't let anything happen to Lena."

Sam bit her lip. "I know I sounded pissed at him, and I am. But he's right."

"Right? How can you agree with him!" Anger surged through Alex and she stood up quickly. "You just said—you're fine just accepting the fact that he would let Lena die if it meant the city was saved?"

Sam chuckled sadly. "Listen to yourself, Alex. You can't give up the whole world for someone. I learned that the hard way. And I also know," she said as Alex opened her mouth to defend herself, "that Lena would agree with him too. She would throw herself in front of a bullet if it could save one person, imagine what she'd do if it meant she could save a city—maybe even the world."

"I have to get back," Alex said again. "Right now. I don't know what I was thinking, coming over here. I need to find her. For my sister's sake, for your sake, for—"

"Alex?"

Sam and Alex turned to see Ruby standing on the bottom step in her pajamas. Alex's heart melted as she saw the monkey print on her matching top and bottom, and she smiled. "Hey Ruby. Sorry, I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No. I was already awake."

"Ruby," Sam said in a stern voice. "You were supposed to be asleep."

"I couldn't stop thinking."

"About what?" Alex asked gently.

"Scrabble. And the stars. And Lena, and if she's coming home soon." It was easy to forget Ruby was only thirteen, but she spoke with the plain honesty of a young girl. Alex saw Sam freeze when Ruby said Lena's name, and she wondered how much Ruby knew about her mother's friendship with the CEO.

"Lena will be home soon. I know Supergirl and her team are looking for her right now, and the police too. I'm about to head to work and help." Alex went over to Ruby, sitting on the stairs and looking up at her. "But why are you thinking about Scrabble?" She wondered if Ruby had heard her and Sam arguing, and wanted to distract her.

Ruby sat down next to Alex and smiled at her. "I'm thinking about how I won when we played earlier."

Alex rolled her eyes. "I demand a rematch. I didn't remember how to spell 'khakis', okay? Just maybe not tonight, it's getting pretty late." She groaned, slapping her forehead. "Speaking of which, I told Maggie I'd meet her at home but I guess that isn't happening. I should go." Seeing Ruby's face fall, she backtracked. "I can stay a little longer if your mom says it's okay," she conceded with a glance at Sam. "Maybe I'll stay here forever and hide from my girlfriend."

"The cop, right?" Ruby leaned her head on Alex's shoulder and Alex put a protective arm around the girl.

"Yeah," Alex sighed. "I think she's mad at me."

"She is _not_. Ruby, ten minutes then I expect you to be in bed. It's almost ten and Alex has to get to work." Sam raised an eyebrow at Alex. "You should text Maggie before she _does_ get mad. Communication is important, as I'm sure you know."

"Right. I'll go give her a quick call." Alex slipped away from Ruby and walked to the other room, hitting the number two speed dial on her phone. She waited nervously as the phone rang.

"Hey babe," Maggie sounded out of breath.

"Are you running? I didn't mean to interrupt."

"No, no. I'm just—" Alex heard things clattering in the background and what she thought sounded like broken glass hitting a tiled floor.

"What's all that noise?"

"I'm cleaning. My hands, I'm cleaning my hands." Maggie said unconvincingly. Alex heard water running and her forehead wrinkled in concern.

"Okay," she said slowly. "I just thought I'd let you know that I have to head to the DEO. I'm at Sam's house right now but Ruby woke up so I—"

"You're at Sam's?" Alex couldn't tell but it sounded like Maggie was angry, and she hurried to diffuse the tension.

"It's not—Maggie, she's my sponsor. I just needed to talk to someone."

"Someone other than me." Maggie sighed and the water in the background shut off. "No, you know what, it's fine. You don't have to justify it. I trust you."

"Okay," Alex decided to let the comment slide. "I'll see you at home later?"

"About that," Maggie sounded distracted. "I'm not home. I mean, I'm not staying at home tonight."

"What? Where are you staying?" Alex could hear Sam talking to Ruby in a low voice and she peeked around the corner to see Ruby sitting in Sam's lap. Sam looked up, her eyebrows raised in a question, and Alex held up a finger to say _'one minute'_. "Maggie, there's nowhere for you to go," she said, leaning back into the other room.

"I just need a—minute, a night—" she sucked in a breath, sounding very much in pain, and Alex called her name when Maggie's end of the phone was silent for a while.

"Maggie? Maggie!"

"It's fine. I'm fine. Something—my bandages—I'm staying at a hotel. I'll see you tomorrow." She hung up, leaving Alex staring at her phone. She opened 'Find my iPhone' and pinpointed Maggie at the Marriott that was only a few blocks from their apartment, and frowned.

"What happened with Maggie?" Alex jumped at the voice by her shoulder and turned to see Ruby looking at her with curious eyes.

"I'm not really sure, honey." Alex plastered a smile on her face. "But I have to head in to work to go find Lena. It's really important." She met Sam's eyes and Sam nodded.

"Ruby, can you go upstairs and get in bed please?"

It seemed as though Ruby could sense the thick fog of worry and stress hanging around Alex, because she gave Alex a hug and walked upstairs without a word of argument. "Night, mom. I love you."

"I love you too." Sam blew her daughter a kiss then waited for her footsteps to disappear before looking at Alex.

Alex turned the phone over in her hands with a nervous air. "I hate to ask this, but..."

"Whatever it is, yes," Sam said readily.

"Can I, um, stay here? Only for tonight, just Maggie isn't—isn't coming home tonight, and—"

"And you can't be in your apartment alone. It's totally fine, Alex."

"I don't want to impose, if it's too much, because I wouldn't be home until late. I might not even get back, to be honest, and I know you have Ruby—"

"Alex. It's no problem," Sam repeated, opening a drawer in the kitchen. "Here's a key to the back door, you can crash in the guest room when you get back. Up the stairs, second door on the left."

Alex took the key, remembering when she had first given Maggie the key to her apartment, and sighed. "Thanks. You're a lifesaver."

"What are friends for?"

* * *

Maggie hung up the call and sighed. "What are you doing, Sawyer?" she said to herself. She looked around at the hotel bathroom and cursed. The mirror she had smashed against the sink lay in pieces on the floor with drops of blood on them, her bloodied bandages strewn on top. She looked down at her hands; they were bleeding again, heavily, and she slowly opened her right hand. When she'd gasped over the phone it was because a shard of mirror had cut into her palm. She had picked it up and unthinkingly tightened her grip around it while she was talking to Alex, only realizing too late that she was drawing blood. "It looks like someone got gutted in this bathroom," she muttered. Standing up slowly, she tried to gather the broken mirror pieces but they cut her hands even more and she gave up two minutes later. Stumbling out of the bathroom, her hands stinging, she made a beeline for the minibar. She was surprised that Alex had bought her weak excuses and let her go with barely an explanation, and was almost mad about it, but in all fairness she been the one to hang up before Alex could argue. She eyed the rows of tiny bottles and hesitated but a sharp pain from her knuckles broke her resolve. "Fuck it," she growled, reaching for the nearest one. She downed it, then a second, and was halfway through her third when someone knocked on the door. Heaving herself up, she made her way to the door and peered through the peephole, leaving traces of blood across the room.

"Who are you?" she called through the door, not recognizing the man standing there. He had brown hair and green eyes and she wondered if he'd just come to the wrong room.

"Matthew Franz. Alex Danvers sent me here?" He smiled and stepped back from the door. "I know you're a cop, but don't shoot."

"Matthew? Sponsor guy Matthew?"

"That's me," he said before he was interrupted by a violent sneeze. "She was just worried about you and asked me to drop by."

"And you just happened to be in the neighborhood?" Maggie said skeptically.

"Actually, yes," he laughed. "I work pretty close to here, National City is smaller than you'd think. Do you want me to come it?"

Maggie looked at the empty bottles on her hotel bed and down at her hands, which were dripping blood onto the carpet. She groaned, knowing she'd have to pay for the damages, and peered through the peephole again. "Now's not really a good time."

"That's alright. I can just chill out here." Matthew slid down the door to sit with his back against it, and Maggie cursed Alex with every name under the sun. "So what's with the hotel room? House with the Missus not good enough anymore?"

"Dude, I don't know you. You can leave," Maggie said in a harsh tone.

"You know my name, I know yours. Consider us friends." Matthew sneezed again and Maggie rolled her eyes.

"No thanks. I don't do 'friends'. But if you need a tissue, I could hook you up." Feeling the effects of the vodka, Maggie stumbled, her hand brushing against the door. She hissed in a breath and sat down heavily. "Guess I'll join you on the ground," she grumbled.

"It's pretty nice down here," Matthew said through the door. "Kind of like rock bottom. The floor of a hotel." Maggie laughed with him then they lapsed into an awkward silence until Matthew sneezed for a third time. "Would you be more or less likely to open the door if I said I had a dog with me?"

"You sound like a pedophile, Matthew." Maggie closed her eyes and rested her head against the door, feeling it shake as Matthew laughed. "What kind of dog though?"

"A puppy. She's a rescue, a black lab. Barely a year old and the cutest thing I've ever seen—but I'm super allergic and I need to get her away from me." He stifled another sneeze and Maggie strained her ears, making out the panting sounds of what she assumed was a dog.

"What kind of monster needs to get away from a dog? That makes me trust you even less."

"How about I tell you a story and you decide if you should let me in? I'm sure you will," he said confidently.

"You can try. I'm not prone to trusting pedophiles with dogs, though."

Matthew laughed again, then took a deep breath and started in an smooth voice. "I like hotels. You never know what can happen in them; you meet someone who ends up being the love of your life, you get shat on by a bird, you go on a three day bender. Who knows." He paused, sneezing again. "I always liked the ones with minibars. Alcoholic, it's in my blood," he said easily. "I got thrown out of a hotel down the street for being a 'public nuisance'."

"What did you do?" Maggie watched the blood congeal on her knuckles and focused on the carpet pattern.

"I got hammered. I ran around the hotel in my birthday suit covered in blood and yelling nonsense. Everyone thought I was a serial killer that had gone crazy and the police had to tase me because I wouldn't go with them willingly."

"We don't usually tase people unless they're violently resisting arrest," Maggie said defensively, "so you must have been on some wild shit."

"I may have also been on shrooms. I didn't know if that would make me seem cooler to you," Matthew said lightly.

"Shrooms? Why didn't you say so, we can be best friends now," Maggie said jokingly. "Why were you covered in blood?" she added more hesitantly, "you didn't kill anyone, did you?" She looked around for her gun, seeing it lying on the nightstand.

"No, of course not. It was—" Matthew sneezed again and Maggie coughed.

"Bless you."

"It's only occurring to you now to say bless you?" Matthew wiped his nose and pet the dog that was sitting on his lap. "Damn, you're so cute but you make me so miserable," he said accusingly. "Where was I?"

"You were trying to convince me that you hadn't murdered someone."

"Right. I was covered in blood because—and I only discovered this a few days afterwards—because in my blacked out drunken rage, I smashed the bathroom mirror in with my head and started bleeding, then ran out of the room. And you know the rest."

Maggie narrowed her eyes. "You don't happen to have x-ray vision and you're just making this up to get into my hotel room, right?"

Matthew chuckled. "Look, I don't have to come in. I'm just saying, I know Alex's deal—her friend Sam talks to me. And I thought maybe I should give you my number, just in case." He slid a business card under the door and Maggie picked it up gingerly, smearing the edge with blood. She gave the number a cursory look then put it in her jacket pocket.

"Sam, huh?"

"Yeah. Alex said you might not be too pleased with that."

"It's not—I'm just not too pleased because my girlfriend seems to be spending more time with her than with me. And she never talks to me, just Sam. It's always Sam, Sam, Sam. 'I'm at Sam's house', or 'I was just at L-Corp with Sam', or 'Sam's my sponsor now'." Maggie caught herself before she could get any angrier, but she and Matthew could both tell there was a lot more behind her complaints.

"It's because she can't talk to you," Matthew said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Well, look at you. You barely know me but here you are, letting it all out. Would you ever tell this to Alex?"

"I couldn't. She has so much going on—" Maggie defended herself.

"And you don't? Fifty bucks says you're sitting on the ground staring at your own blood and the bathroom mirror is broken." When Maggie didn't answer, he sighed. "You can't talk to Alex, she can't talk to you. It's something you'll eventually work through. And look, I'm supposed to report people when they're at risk of hurting themselves or others—"

"I'm not—"

"But I won't. And it's not because of your sunny personality, Maggie Sawyer. It's because I'm leaving this dog with you."

Maggie's jaw dropped. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah. I know, sounds crazy, right? But I figure you'll let her help you more than you'll let me, and if I stay out here with her any longer I might start sneezing brains out through my ears."

Maggie stood up with a slight wobble and put her hand on the doorknob. "Do you really have a dog? I don't hear barking."

She heard Matthew stand up, and soon after the jangle of a dog collar could be heard. "I really do." He sneezed twice then sniffled. "Sit, girl," he said in a stern tone. "No. Sit. That's roll over. I want you to sit. Good." Maggie smiled as he called to her through the door. "I'm gonna head out and leave this dog here, and technically it's yours now. I mean, Alex paid for it and I fed her, but I won't get in trouble if she runs away. Feel free to open the door any time before she disappears," he said as he walked away. Maggie waited until she heard the elevator ding then opened the door, stepping out.

She looked around, noticing the dog first then seeing Matthew with his hand on the elevator button as the doors opened. "Hey, thanks," she called out down the hallway. He smiled and gave her a thumbs up before getting on the elevator. Maggie stared at the puppy, her anger and frustration melting away as she watched her waddle into the hotel room. She had pale blue eyes and a shiny black coat and looked exactly like every dog Maggie had ever dreamed up for herself as a child. "Well you aren't shy at all, are you?" she said in a high-pitched voice. "Gross. You sound like someone with a baby," she said to herself in her regular voice. Closing the door, she looked around, not sure what to do, and the puppy sat down on her foot.

"Hey you. Do you bark? Do you have a name?" She reached down to pet the dog and the dog jumped up with a loud bark. "Whoa, okay. You do. Good thing I chose to break down at a hotel that's open to pets." She walked over to the bed and the puppy followed, jumping up after her. She had a little trouble because her legs were so short, but she made it on the second try and Maggie found herself smiling. Sticking her hand out to let her get used to her scent, she relaxed then yanked her hand back with a hiss. The puppy had licked the blood off her hand, but it stung like hell and Maggie shook her hand up and down, feeling the cold air on the open wound. "Suck it up, Sawyer," she grumbled, holding her hand out again. Wincing occasionally, she watched as the puppy washed the blood of her right hand and heaved a little bit when she thought of the dog tasting her blood, but when she crawled into her lap and nosed her left arm, Maggie held it out. "What's your name, girl?" As the puppy licked her other hand, Maggie reached out and pulled the collar around so she could read it.

Seeing the name on the tag, she bit her lip. "Gertrude? Is that you girl? Is that your name?" The dog wagged her tail and licked Maggie's face and Maggie fell back with laughter. "Ew, no. Down. Don't do that." Gertrude ignored her and licked her neck, jumping on top of her. Suddenly hit with fatigue, Maggie stretched out, Gertrude lying across her stomach. "Want to go to sleep?"

Big, blue puppy eyes met hers and Maggie slid under the covers, lifting up the sheet so Gertrude could wriggle her way under. She pressed herself against Maggie's side and laid her head down on her chest. Maggie slowed her breathing and pet her from head to tail in slow, rhythmic movements until her eyes drooped shut. She felt warm water on her chest and looked down to see that Gertrude had started to drool, and stifled her laughter before closing her eyes. "Gertrude," she muttered, "we're going to be best friends."

* * *

i'm on a trip to middle-of-nowhere pennsylvania and the wifi is horrible i've tried to upload this chapter 3 times sorry for the wait (:


	18. 18) Press

"Can you just make sure you get it done?" Kara said, flustered. The woman she had snapped at gave her a strange look and walked away, muttering under her breath.

" _Worse than Cat Grant."_

"I heard that!" she called out after her but the woman had already disappeared behind her office door. Kara let out a groan and headed back into Cat's office. _My office, thanks for that Lena_. She pulled out her phone and checked it despite being perfectly aware that no one had texted her. She tossed her phone onto the desk with a clatter and sat down. One of the screens behind her was broadcasting a news caster talking about L-Corp, and Kara turned around to watch it.

" _It's been almost a week since L-Corp CEO Lena Luthor was reported missing and yet there has been no word from authorities regarding the investigation into her disappearance. Sources claim Lillian Luthor's recent escape from incarceration is related but no one will confirm or deny the reports. Kara Danvers, acting CEO of Cat Co. Worldwide Media, has yet to break her silence since being instated in Ms. Luthor's place. Was Lena's disappearance simply a coincidence or a smart business ploy? And with crime rates at an all-time high for the year, the question on everyone's minds is 'Where is Supergirl? Has she abandoned National City?' More on that later. For now we turn to the high prices of gasoline and..."_

Kara felt her blood boil and yelled out her office door. "Eve!"

Eve rushed into the office. "Ms. Danvers?"

"Schedule a press conference."

"Today? Ms. Danvers, we have our final editorial meeting for the rest of the afternoon. We can't change the—"

"Did I stutter?" Kara didn't even notice that Eve had called her by her last name; she was too incensed by what the reporter had said. "I want reporters gathered outside this building as soon as possible."

"Cat Grant always said 'never make a public appearance because of emot—'"

"Cat Grant isn't here right now. I'm here. So make it happen. And I'll have to step out during that editorial meeting. You can go." Kara looked down at her phone and Eve took it as her sign to leave. She shook her head to the watching employees as she came out of the office.

"It's not a great day, guys. Can we push the editorial meeting?"

"It looks like Kara doesn't even care about this company."

"It hasn't been a 'great day' since the first day. What's her deal?"

"Cut her some slack," Eve whispered with a look over her shoulder. "She's torn up about Lena. I'm sure everything will go back to normal soon."

"I thought she was nice but she's turned into a monster."

"I know, I know. But she's really very nice, I promise, and she—get as many reporters here for a press conference as fast as you can, Schulz." Eve raised her voice as Kara walked out of her office. "I'll have maintenance set up a stage."

Everyone dispersed as Kara made her way across the office to the elevator. The doors opened to reveal Sam, and whispering broke out across the office. It was well known by now that Kara, Sam and Lena were all good friends, but office visits from other CEOs never went unnoticed. Kara, far too used to it from Lena's impromptu visits, ignored the looks and muttering. "Sam," Kara said with relief. "Finally."

"I know you texted me an hour ago but I couldn't get away from work until now because Maggie's watching Ruby—did you know your sister got her a puppy? I swear, they'll be the death of my parenting skills," Sam said all in one breath, standing there in a smart blazer and heels. "Anyways, what's up? I don't have a lot of time."

Kara smiled weakly. "I know I invited you to lunch but now I need some advice." She headed back to her office.

"With what?"

"I called a press conference. It's in the next hour and I don't know what to say."

Sam followed Kara into her office and closed the door, ignoring the looks she got from the Cat Co. workers. "And you arranged it because...?"

"Because of this shit I heard on the news today." Kara replayed the news clip, her frustration getting the better of her and letting slip a curse word.

Dropping her purse on the couch, Sam sat down with a confused expression and watched the reporter. "I still don't think I understand," she said as the clip finished. "Why would you decide to hold a press conference over this?"

"Because they're basically accusing me of kidnapping Lena for her job and they're saying I 'abandoned the city' when I can't focus on anything but Lena! I should be doing everything I can to get her back but I have to be _here,_ running this stupid company!" Kara's voice got louder as she spoke and she gestured wildly at the office around her.

"Supergirl. Supergirl abandoned the city, not you," Sam said with a glance through the glass doors. No one seemed to have heard Kara's outburst, but Sam felt a little wary.

"Sure, whatever. But I need to speak up, right? I can't just let them—lampoon me like this!"

"You know who you should call?" Sam stood and picked up the office phone, holding it out to Kara. "Cat Grant."

"Why would I call Ms. Grant? She can't help me. And she's busy keeping the free world ignorant of the fact that their President's an _alien_." When Sam's jaw dropped, Kara winced. "Shit," she said again. "Forgot you didn't know about that."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that for now." Sam pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. "I want you to call her and postpone this press conference until she gets your head on straight," she said after a moment. "Cat Grant has managed her fair share of scandals. She'll know what to do."

"I don't know what she could do for me," Kara objected. "Maybe I should just say something right now to the reporters that are already out there."

"No. Absolutely not. This is how things fall apart; you need to keep a calm head." Sam dropped her hand and gave Kara a pointed look. "I think a press conference that you aren't prepared for and arranged in the heat of the moment is a bad idea. I think a press conference where you have a specific point to get across is a good idea. Call her, and maybe James."

"I can't call James. He's busy packing to leave, his flight is the red-eye tonight." Kara took the phone from Sam and held it down at her side.

"Fine. Start with Cat Grant. I have to get back to work because Maggie's dog has probably peed all over my office by now and Ruby is probably shooting a target she drew on the wall in permanent marker." Sam checked her phone and scrolled through her schedule. "If you really need me to be at this press conference, I can move around some of my meetings but Alex already asked me if I could come in to the DEO later so I'm spread pretty thin." Sam frowned and texted her assistant about moving a PR meeting.

"What does she need you for? No offense," Kara said quickly as Sam looked up.

"Working on this antidote. If I can't help find Lena, then I'm at least going to help save the city that hates her," Sam said sarcastically. "Plus, Alex asked to spend the night at my place but she never got there. I was going to ask her what happened."

"She's been working all night, I don't think she slept." Kara's anger at the reporter redirected itself to her sister and she worked her jaw. "It's the least she could do, since the only thing she's done since Lena was kidnapped is drink and fight."

Sam held a hand out. "I know you don't mean that."

"I just...need her to pull herself together. I don't have time to babysit her right now. I need her to get this antidote done and just—just to stop drinking."

"And that's my cue to leave." Sam picked up her purse, not wanting to start an argument with Kara. She understood where the blonde was coming from but she also couldn't keep defending Alex to her sister if Kara wouldn't listen. For a brief moment she entertained the thought of telling Kara to suck it up; to not let Lena's disappearance be an excuse for her to fall apart because Sam was still holding it together, but with a look at her watch she realized she didn't have time for it. "I'll see you at the DEO later?"

Kara didn't answer or look up, already dialing the first few numbers of Cat's personal cell. Sam left the office with a glance behind her; Kara seemed too small for the office, her dark-colored clothes stood out like a shadow on a sunny day amidst the off-white wallpaper and sunlight coming in through the window. She watched as Kara brought the phone to her ear and started to speak, taking a seat on the couch, then the elevator doors opened and she got in.

* * *

" _I'm live from just outside Cat Co. Worldwide Media where Kara Danvers has just arrived on the scene. It seems this press conference was only arranged hours ago, but the people are already anxious to see what she has to say in her first public appearance as acting CEO. Will she address the rumors regarding her and Lena Luthor's business relationship? Or is this just an attempt to make her more likable to the public she's been avoiding ?"_

Kara's fingers drummed on the podium in a fast, uneven rhythm. Her talk with Cat had resulted in both good and bad news—she offered to fly to Cat Co. at a moment's notice, something that left Kara speechless, but all she had told her over the phone was to try to fend off the 'sharks' until she got there. Unfortunately, even with her commandeering one of the fastest jets and best pilots, it would take her a little under four hours to arrive. Trying to shut out the clamoring of reporters and snapping of camera shutters, Kara smoothed out her suit. Sam had lent her her shirt and the blazer from outfit she'd worn to go with her black slacks, and was now wearing Kara's top to the left just offstage; a dark navy crew neck sweater that didn't quite go with her pinstriped, black pantsuit bottoms. Kara met her gaze nervously and the other CEO gave her an encouraging thumbs up, which Kara answered with a weak smile. She still wasn't sure what to say and she was waiting for a text from Alex; her sister had told her when she left the DEO this morning that she would update her on her progress around noon and it was already one pm. As security quieted down the crowd of reporters, Kara took a deep breath and stepped closer to the podium.

"Ahem. Hi, everyone." Kara winced as feedback squealed through the speakers and her head jerked back from the microphone. "Sorry, sorry. Hello," she almost mumbled, the mic barely picking up her voice. "I'm sure you have...a lot of questions. I know I would. So, um..." she glanced over at Sam again and her friend motioned for her to hold her chin higher. Straightening up, Kara cleared her throat. "I guess we'll start with—you," she said, pointing to one of the reporters the same way she'd seen Cat Grant do hundreds of times.

"Ms. Danvers, what role do you have in the investigation into Lena Luthor's disappearance?"

"Role? I'm cooperating with the authorities and hoping we bring Ms. Luthor home soon, safe and sound."

"But what exactly are you doing?" someone else shouted before Kara could point to a kind-looking reporter close to the front.

"The—the entire company is working to aid the investigation in any way we can." Kara started to feel flushed; she had never been a good liar and she knew she lacked the eloquence that Cat Grant had when dodging questions.

"Is there any more information about where she's gone to? Maybe she just took an extended vacation or a cruise!"

"Lena hates cruises," Kara said reflexively. "I—I mean, that's not a correct assumption. She no doubt would have informed someone of her plans to travel, but she didn't—which is why she's missing."

"What does Cat Co. have to say about the rise of crime and the sudden drop in sightings of Supergirl around the city?"

"I don't—I'm sure Supergirl is very busy looking for Ms. Luthor," Kara said anxiously.

"Do you think they're related?"

Kara's sensitive hearing picked up a quieter voice and she zeroed in on the person who had spoken. It was the nicer looking man she'd seen earlier and wanted to call on. "What did you say?"

"Do you think the two events are related? Supergirl and Lena Luthor disappearing at the same time?"

"Do you mean like...are they friends? Or did they disappear together?" Kara shuffled sideways, not sure what to say.

"I mean, do you suspect that Lena Luthor is Supergirl?"

Kara froze. She could feel her heartbeat thudding in her chest and she became acutely aware of the chill in the November air. Her mouth opened and closed a few times as her mind fumbled for something to say, her own pulse roaring in her ears. "Um," she started before noticing a commotion at the back of the crowd. Taking a closer look she saw that it was Cat Grant, drawing attention like she always did. _Thank Rao._ A sideways glance told her that Sam was just as caught off guard by the Supergirl question as she was and Kara watched as all the reporters started noticing someone more powerful had arrived, forgetting the question in their haste to get a good quote. _I love you, Ms. Grant_. As Cat approached the stage, Kara stepped back from the podium and fidgeted with her—Sam's—blazer cuff.

"You called," Cat said primly, walking up to Kara.

"I did," Kara said with a nervous smile. "I tried my best but they keep asking—"

"There will be a short break, go do your little paparazzi thing while you wait," Cat said into the microphone as she waved at the reporters like they were flies buzzing around her. "Disperse," she said in an annoyed tone when no one moved. People started milling about and news station cameras turned their lights on in an attempt to get some footage of Cat as she pushed Kara off the stage.

"Cat." Sam nodded respectfully. Cat looked her up and down, pulling off elbow-length gloves that matched her maroon suit as she did so.

"It was your decision to change the clothes?" she said to Sam with a distasteful eye at Kara's sweater. Behind her, Kara flushed.

"Yes it was. But I don't think it matters what she wears as long as she says the right thing," Sam said nicely.

"Well it's a good thing I'm here then, to make sure she says the right thing. You better appreciate the fact that I flew all the way here. It will never happen again," she said in a serious voice.

"I completely understand and I am so grateful—" Kara broke off as a reporter's words reached her ears.

" _At twenty-seven, Kara Danvers is one of the youngest women to head a company next to twenty-six year old Lena Luthor herself. Is Lena ushering in a generation of young, powerful women? Or is this favoritism, plain and simple? Moments ago the woman who made Cat Co. a household name, Cat Grant herself, arrived. We're hoping she can clear the air and ease Ms. Danvers' clearly inexperienced nerves. In just a moment there..."_

"Kara. Kara?" Sam snapped her fingers in front of Kara's face and she shook her head.

"Sorry. What is it?"

"Cat asked you what you want to say about the situation."

Kara sighed. "I just want the public to realize that...I want Lena home more than they know. That we're friends and that just because she's a Luthor doesn't mean she's evil and she doesn't play favorites and—"

"Great. Find a way to say that more eloquently and everything should work out." Cat's phone rang and she looked down. "Damn. It's the president, I have to take this. Get out there before they think you're hiding from them." She pointed to the podium and stepped away from Sam and Kara.

"I _am_ hiding," Kara hissed as Sam shoved her onto the stage.

The hubbub that greeted her reappearance was ten times louder than before now that Cat Grant had arrived.

"Ms. Danvers, why is Cat Grant back in town?"

"Knowing how close she is with Supergirl, do you think she knows who's wearing the cape?"

"Why hasn't Cat Co. written an article about Supergirl in recent weeks?'

Kara tried to shut out the yells but it was like their questions were digging under her skin. Each one had a personal barb to it that the people shouting them couldn't understand, but her fingers itched to rip open her shirt and fly away.

"Where has Supergirl gone?"

 _Why did you abandon the city?_

"Why did Lena leave you in charge?"

 _If you had found her, she could be back by now and running this company._

"Is Lena Luthor working with Cadmus and accepting the mantel that comes with her family name?"

"Stop it!" Kara yelled into the microphone. As her angry yell echoed across the open space, the reporters clammed up. "Just stop it!" She gazed out at the crowd of expectant cameras and recording devices, all held by vulture-like, hungry looking reporters, and she clenched her fists. "How dare you accuse Lena of doing anything wrong? She has helped this city more than any of you ever have. She's developed technologies that make your lives easier; technologies whose inner workings your little human minds couldn't even _begin_ to understand. She has spent the last few years here trying to make a name for herself and time and time again has proven that she is a strong, powerful woman that doesn't need to cower from the stigma of an evil name."

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Cat gaping at her and signaling for her to stop talking, making a cutting motion at her neck with her hand, but Kara was too far carried away on her emotions. Words were spilling out of her, words she didn't know she had strung together inside her since Lena was abducted; all the time spent flying to European countries and hours spent waiting for information and wondering if Lena was alright; her anger at her sister for letting this happen, at Lillian for taking Lena and killing the security detail she had sent to stop her, even anger at Lena for being ripped away from her, it was all coming out.

"She could have let you people beat her down with your malicious words and disgustingly bad journalism, but she didn't. She funded an entire hospital, a hospital where _your children_ go to get treated for whatever ails them, and guess what machines they use to treat them? Machines that Lena Luthor helped dream up and design and develop. Lena Luthor is my—she's a—a friend to me, and the idea that she would be stupid enough to play favorites or that I would be stupid enough to want her gone is absolutely ridiculous. I have spent practically every waking moment when I don't have to run this company searching for her, and her disappearance has torn me apart more than any of you ever cared to ask; it feels like someone ripped out my heart and left me with...there's nothing but a job, a job I never asked for. And maybe you don't trust me. Maybe you think I'm biased. But I am a good judge of character and I believe in Lena. So just—just—shut up already!"

By the time she finished, Kara was breathing hard. Her glasses had slipped down her nose and she pushed them up with a hand that shook in anger. No one moved for a few minutes until one reporter mumbled something, obviously afraid to be the first to speak after such an emotional speech.

Kara heard the question perfectly but she was too high on emotion to let the opportunity go. "I can't hear you if you're hiding behind bad press," she said in a biting tone.

"Is Lena Luthor Supergirl? They both disappeared last Thursday and neither one has been seen since."

"Oh, you think Lena Luthor is Supergirl?" Kara glared at the reporter, her hands going up to open Sam's blazer. Underneath was her white, starched shirt and she reached for the top button, not noticing that Cat Grant was heading for her with a thunderous expression. "Lena Luthor is not flying around your city, because—"

"Because that would be absurd," Cat Grant interrupted Kara, yanking the mic away from the younger blonde. Kara, startled into silence, looked on as Cat immediately steered the conversation away from her intended destination. "Lena Luthor is a dark, dark brunette. Do you think she dyes her hair every time she wants to switch from high-flying superhero to genius CEO? And I don't know about you, but for all of Lena's do-gooder actions, she doesn't strike me as the kind of gal who would assume a warm and friendly persona when she's wearing knee-high red boots." A couple people chuckled nervously and as the reporter opened his mouth again Cat stuck her hand up. "No, don't flounder around trying to save face. You shouldn't ask stupid questions because it lets everyone know how low your IQ really is, Johnson. Just let it go. Now, is anyone else brave enough to try me right now?" Cat's eagle-eyed stare swept the silent crowd and she turned her head to the side. "Good. Because I have to get back to Washington D.C. to help run this godforsaken country that is going to ruins because of people like _you_ ," she said with a pointed look at the reporter she'd just singled out. "So let's wrap this up. Kara Danvers—good friends with Lena Luthor. Everyone is searching for her, and Supergirl's identity is still unknown. You can all go now." Cat stepped back and headed for the side of the stage, pulling Kara by the hand with her. She dragged Sam and Kara into the back of her limo then shut the door angrily and stared at Kara as they started to drive off.

"Ms. Grant I—"

"What in the _hell_ were you thinking?" Cat cut Kara off. "I have no idea what possessed you up on that stage, but you better see to it that it doesn't _ever_ happen again."

"They were attacking me! They didn't seem to believe what I said about Lena and that one reporter—he's convinced Lena is Supergirl."

"Johnson is an absolute twit. He started some low-budget press company I've never seen advertising for—think 'Daily Mail', but run out of his mother's basement. That doesn't excuse the fact that you lost it on camera. This is the digital age, Kara. That video will be around long after you die."

"What were you thinking?" Sam said from the other side of the car. "You can't reveal your—I mean, shouldn't you at least wait for a better moment—"

"There wasn't a better moment!" Kara said angrily. "They weren't believing me as Kara Danvers! No one believes me as Kara Danvers, so I just..."

"I believe you as Kara Danvers and I'm sure Ms. Arias does too," Cat sounded tired as she sat down. "And I'll bet almost eight hundred million dollars that Lena Luthor does too. So don't try that bullshit with me. You know how to be belligerent and you never give up—how many times did you talk me out of running an article I had my heart set on?"

"I, um, I never did," Kara said in confusion.

"Oh. Well, the details aren't important. The point is that even after I shot you and your silly, little, inexperienced opinions down for the tenth and the thirtieth and the hundredth time, you still voiced them whether I asked for them or not. Then you became a reporter yourself and cranked out so many good articles in such a short time—and now you have to run my company. But you have to do it as Kara Danvers."

"I just thought if I showed them who I really am, maybe they'd take me seriously." Kara hung her head as Sam put a reassuring hand on her knee.

"They will take you seriously," she said. "It may take some time but they will."

"Ms. Arias has a point. How do you think I got to where I am? I didn't sit around and wait for men to validate me; I carved my own path, as cheesy as that sounds, and I rose to the top. Granted, I might have trampled a few good people on my way up but I didn't let it stop me. You owe it to me and you owe it to Lena, and you owe it to yourself, to prove that Kara Danvers is just as good as Supergirl." Cat sighed. "You can't just fly away from your problems and disappear above the clouds, Kara. I'm sure you've already discovered that the problems follow you around."

"I know," Kara mumbled. "I just wanted—"

"And it's not fair to the people closest to you. Isn't that the whole reason you keep up this reporter shtick? Imagine what would happen if every evil villain or alien found out who you really are. Anyone with even the vaguest ties to you—the man who sold me that shitty coffee, Ms. Arias, me, your sister—they would be a target," Cat said reasonably.

"I don't owe Alex anything," Kara said under her breath. Sam narrowed her eyes and drew her hand back but kept her thoughts to herself.

"Well you can't put a target on the backs of everyone in this city just because a whim strikes you," Cat said dismissively, feeling as though the conversation were over.

"It's not just a whim! It's Lena, I—"

"You can't sacrifice your family to save one person, Kara," Sam said quietly.

"Lena _is_ my family!" Kara put her head in her hands. The car was silent for a long time until it came to a stop.

"Where are we?" Sam peered out the window.

"Back at Cat Co. I told Jonathan to drive us around the block after the press conference—I knew I would need to talk some sense into you, I just didn't know the reason for it would be _this_." Cat opened the door. "You can get out now. I have to be back in the capital in a few hours." As Sam climbed out of the car, Cat put her hand under Kara's chin and the younger woman flashed back to when Lena had done the same thing. Could it only have been a week ago that she was eating lunch with Lena and laughing over inane things? "Keep your chin up, Kiera." Cat's old nickname for her made Kara crack a smile. "Now woman up and deal with it," she said as she pushed her out of the car.

Sam and Kara watched the limo drive away and turn left at the end of the block before either of them spoke.

"So...the reporters cleared out. Can I get my clothes back?" Sam said in a light tone.

"Can I get _mine_ back?" Kara adjusted her collar. "I feel like I'm about to meet the President."

"Speaking of which—so the president is—"

"An alien. It's...complicated. It's a long story and I'm not even sure about some of the details, but she's been doing a pretty bang-up job so I can't criticize her." Kara tucked her hair behind her ear and turned to Sam. "Didn't you say you had to get to the DEO to meet with my sister?" She was a little wary of Sam. The brunette seemed to always defend Alex even in the worst of situations- and Kara wasn't sure what to make of it. She hadn't meant the comment about not owing Alex anything—she'd never sacrifice her sister, but she always seemed to forget herself whenever the topic of Lena's well-being came up. Emotionally drained, she let out a sigh and rubbed her forehead.

"Yeah, I have to get going..." Sam looked at her watch and then down at her clothes. "Maybe I'll just change there."

"I'll can come with you," Kara said quickly. "Just—hang on." She ran halfway down the block and ducked into an alleyway. A second later she emerged with Sam's clothes folded in her arms, the big red 'S' on her chest shining in the afternoon sun. "I'll take you."

"What? That's a bad idea," Sam stepped back cautiously.

"Come on. I need to fly, and people already know who you are. You realize that the longer we stand here arguing about it, the longer people will have to recognize us?"

"Fine," Sam sighed. "So how does this work? Lena says you always carry her bridal style."

"Oh." Kara blushed and looked down. "I usually just—I can just—put my arm around your waist."

"Hm." Sam narrowed her eyes playfully. "Is that favoritism I sense?"

"Shut up," Kara mumbled. "We're going."

* * *

"Did you find anything?" Kara hurried up to Alex who was sitting next to Winn at a computer.

"There was a...message," her sister said hesitantly.

Kara watched impatiently as her sister glanced at Winn. "Okay, shoot. What was it?"

Alex slowly reached for her phone and pulled up a file. Kara took it from her with a frown and hit play, her jaw clenching.

" _You have been spared these last few days. Lena Luthor will not be returned. Lena Luthor will release the virus. You cannot stop us. You cannot see us coming. We are Cadmus."_

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kara said angrily as Alex took her phone back.

"We don't know. It must be a reference to the fact that there have been no attacks recently, but what they said about Lena—"

"It isn't true," Kara interrupted Winn. "She would never do something like that."

Alex frowned. "I don't mean to be a pessimist, but they do have a mind controller on their side."

"Did you find anything helpful?" Sam spoke up as Kara's hands curled into fists.

"Not yet." Alex didn't look up but Winn did, and he offered her a small smile.

"You were supposed to text me at noon. It's three, Alex," Kara said coldly. She was tired of hearing the same answer every time; no one ever had any answers for her.

"I didn't have anything at noon. I don't have anything now other than that message. I figured I wouldn't get your hopes up," Alex said with a shrug. "I've been working all night. We have to be close."

Sam was straightening her pants as Alex spoke, but looked up. "Speaking of all night, maybe you should explain why I waited up for you if you weren't going to show."

At that, Alex turned around. "Sorry," she said guiltily. "I didn't—I've been working."

"It's fine, don't feel bad. I was just worried about you is all. Side note, Ruby loves the dog you got Maggie. They're hanging out in my office right now."

"You had time to get your girlfriend a puppy but you didn't have time to track down someone who's been kidnapped?" Kara's expression darkened and she stepped up to the computer screen. "Tell me what you've found. You can't have absolutely nothing."

Alex didn't say anything but looked down at her hands, and Winn spoke up as Kara started to glare at the back of her sister's head. "We do have something. The signal is—it's moving. It was in Ireland, then Spain, and a few hours ago there was a hit at a dock off the coast of Morocco. But it's not a very fast moving signal. It took us a few minutes to narrow it down, but then about ten minutes later it disappeared. Now that we know what frequency to look for, we developed a more specific program and we're keeping an eye out for any cell activity in nearby longitudes."

"So whatever it is, it's moving South." Sam squinted at the screen and pointed to the three locations. "Almost in a straight line."

"Yes."

Kara stepped back and blew out a breath. "Okay. Okay, that's not nothing. You said you had nothing. I could go to Morocco."

"Let me think for a second," Sam said with a thoughtful expression. "They're constantly traveling—but not giving off a steady signal. So they must be on a boat in the middle of the ocean or something, and occasionally the distance is short enough that it gets some sort of connection with a telephone pole on land or something."

"So I should go check it out, right? I could keep my eye out for a boat?'

The computer made a sudden beeping noise and all four of them huddled close, peering at the computer. "Senegal," Alex said definitively after a few moments. "Following the coast line."

"That looks like..." Sam leaned forwards. "Have you considered scanning for a piggyback signal?"

Winn frowned. "There's only one signal. I've been searching for others in the area but it's the only one that pops up from the ocean."

"No, not another signal. A piggyback. It would only show up as one, but what if you..." As Sam leaned over Winn and started to type; Alex met Winn's eyes and saw that he was just as confused as she was. She had just opened her mouth to ask a question when Sam let out a satisfactory noise. "See," she said clicking the mouse. "Right there. There's two...somethings, in the same area. We're talking within a hundred feet of each other and if they're both out in the ocean—"

"Then what are the chances they're two separate people," Kara said, her eyes widening. "I'll go and fly down the coast. I'll be back soon." She took off without a second look.

"I'll tell J'onn. Hey, how did you do that?" Will turned to Sam with a curious expression on his face.

"It's hard to find—I had to edit your program a little. And honestly, without all your fancy equipment no one would have ever seen it," Sam said modestly. "It has to be in just the right place—and without the right type of primary signal, like a phone, the second one is invisible. It wouldn't have worked with, say, a camera as the initial signal—but the piggyback could be from a camera."

"But you did it. We could've never found that other signal without you here," Alex added. "What is this, does Lena only make friends with geniuses?"

Sam rolled her eyes but inside she was exhilarated. She had spent the last few days moping around and wishing she could help, when all she needed to do was look at a computer screen. Because of her, they were one step closer to finding Lena. Because of her, everything else had a chance of going back to normal. "Just a few grad school classes at MIT," she said with a grin. "I could teach you a thing or two."

"Show off," Alex smirked. "I'm glad you did, though, because I would've never seen it."

"Me neither," Winn said, getting up. "I'll go find J'onn. And Alex—what we talked about?" Alex groaned in response as Winn walked away.

"What was that about?" Sam took Winn's chair and looked at the computer, clicking a few things.

"I'm avoiding Maggie."

"Again?" Sam zoomed in on the map. She could see Kara's GPS already nearing the Midwest, and she watched, fascinated, as it sped up and slowed down, Kara making almost a straight beeline for the southern coast.

"I got her a dog," Alex said sheepishly. "After that weird phone call. I asked Matthew to check in on her and he said she took the dog so..."

"I know you got her a dog," Sam snorted. "When I left the office, I asked Maggie to come watch Ruby and she brought it with her. But in fairness, it is a very cute dog."

"She. Her name is Gertrude. And I wouldn't know, I haven't seen her yet." Alex doodled on a post-it and didn't meet Sam's eyes.

"You named your dog Gertrude—oh, what is with you people?" Sam sounded exasperated. She glanced at the screen, seeing that Kara was halfway over Oklahoma, then continued. "You and Lena just buy things for the people you love with absolutely _no thought_ to the consequences."

"At least I didn't spend a bajillion dollars," Alex scoffed. Her pen ran out of ink and she threw it behind her then grabbed another one.

"No, but a dog is just as much of a responsibility as a company. Fine, maybe not exactly," Sam gave in as Alex glared at her. "But it's still a lot." She started to type some code into the script box, trying to hack either signal.

Alex sighed held up the post-it. "This is my life right now." On one side was a badly drawn stick figure; there was a jagged line down the middle and the other side had another badly drawn stick figure and a blob.

"What is that supposed to be?" Sam said after a cursory glance.

"It's me, dying alone and sad. And that's Maggie and the dog I got her." Alex pointed to the respective sides of the drawing and pouted. "I hoped getting her a dog would make things easier between us, but clearly I didn't think that through."

"Of course you didn't. Now stop distracting me and go talk to your girlfriend," Sam said with a smirk. "She's probably here by now."

"Here by now? Why would she be here?" Alex made a face. "You didn't."

"Sorry, already called her." Sam tilted her head as she heard the strains of excited laughter from down the hall. "Sounds like they're here."

"They?!"

"Well I needed somewhere to put Ruby, and Maggie has that dog with her. Go play house with them while I try to sort this out." Sam pursed her lips, already hitting a stonewall in her code. "Dammit. Stop chickening out, Alex," she said as she glared at the screen, "or I'll hack your phone and share those gooey, loved up texts you send Maggie with the whole world."

Alex stood, offended, and was about to make a smart remark when Ruby ran up to them. "Hi Alex! I love your dog!"

"Hey, Rube," Alex smiled. "Maggie," she said tentatively, noticing the new bandages on her palm.

"Hey Danvers," Maggie said easily. She leaned in and kissed Alex lightly on the lips, leaving the other woman a little stunned. "I'm good," she whispered as she stepped back, seeing Alex eyeing her hands.

"Hey mom." Ruby hugged her mother from behind and Sam turned around to hug her back briefly.

"Hey sweetie. Did you have fun with Maggie?"

"Yeah. We walked Gertrude—but, um, only after she pooped on your rug." Ruby smiled innocently and skipped away, taking the leash from Maggie. "I'm going to the training room to play fetch with the wooden knives!" She led Gertrude down the stairs then ran out of sight, Maggie chasing after her. The other DEO agents smiled as they saw her run by; they all knew Ruby vaguely and it was a welcome sight to see her with a smile in the midst of the catastrophe that was happening.

"I hate you," Sam grumbled to Alex. "You owe me a new rug."

"Knowing Lena's taste for interior design, I probably can't afford that rug. Are you sure you don't need help?" Alex looked longingly at the computer.

"Go play fetch with your dog," Sam waved a hand dismissively. "Bond. Tell your girlfriend you love her."

"Okay." Alex left Sam and headed downstairs as Sam's phone started to ring.

"Kara?" Sam said after looking at the caller ID. "Did you find anything?"

"Not yet. I got over the ocean a few minutes ago, I was going to ask you to direct me to the location—but use the comms. There should be one by the mouse? I'll hang up, let me know when you've found it."

Sam looked around then found the small piece of technology. She put the earwig in and cleared her throat. "Hello?"

"Hey. Okay, so can you see me on the map?" Kara's side of the comms had a lot of wind interference but Sam could make out her question.

"Yes. You need to aim slightly more to your left," Sam said. "About ten degrees. In terms of latitude, Morocco is farther north than Florida."

"My geography sucks," Kara muttered as she corrected her course. "Am I almost there?"

"Mm hm. Keep in mind the signal will have moved—actually, I have an idea. If you can fly from the signal we _do_ have, I can trace you and try to pick up any other signals. It would be like...using you like a satellite. What are the settings on your phone right now?"

"Not sure—what should I look for?" Kara slowed down, careful not to drop her phone. As high up as she was, she'd have plenty of time to catch it before it hit the water but she didn't want the hassle.

"Okay, you won't have it in the middle of the ocean but turn on wifi and bluetooth and make sure location services is on."

"Done." Kara inspected the ocean below her as it flew by. "How close am I?"

"Almost there—now make a sharp right and follow the coast south," Sam instructed her. "Keep going..." she watched closely as the GPS headed down the coastline. Win walked up from behind her with J'onn at his tail and sat down, immediately recognizing what Sam was doing. For one quick moment, the program code changed and Sam hurried to locate the source. "It's the second signal—Winn, could you—"

"Already on it. Kara, head back unless you see something. We have something to hack now, which is a major step forwards." Winn ran a hand through his hair and slid over, already working through the problem.

"I'll just take a look around," Kara said with hope in her voice. "Maybe I'll see something."

"Alright, but be careful Supergirl. Cadmus will most likely be ready to defend themselves," J'onn said as he watched Winn type away.

Winn paused, his eyes widened, then he went back to typing. "Kara, don't get your hopes up okay?"

"Too late. What is it?" she said eagerly.

"Right now I'm trying to hack what looks like a camera signal. It'll take me a while to get in, but I'll break through it." Sam sat up straighter at his words and leaned forward. "Take a look around the area before I—"

"I don't see anything. I'm heading back." Kara made an abrupt one-eighty, water spraying up from the air resistance she was creating as she sped away.

* * *

"I've got it! I got it," Winn said triumphantly. Kara shoved him to the side and his chair rolled several meters away before he stopped himself, his feet skidding along the floor.

"Is that it?" she said frustratedly. The screen was grainy and unfocused and every few seconds static would distort the entire picture. She squinted hard and leaned so close that her breath started to fog up the glass.

"Hang on, I can change one more thing..." Alex adjusted the window and hit a few keys as Winn walked up behind her. J'onn, Sam and Kara watched nervously as she hit 'enter', holding their breath. Then the image sharpened and Kara inhaled painfully. Static was interrupting the feed more frequently than before but she could make out the image, the figure lying down on a mattress in the center of the screen.

It took the others another few seconds to realize what they were looking at but when they did, they gasped. Alex swallowed hard then looked at her sister, trying to gauge her reaction. Sam covered her hand with her mouth and stepped back wordlessly and Kara just stared at the picture. She felt as though someone had stolen all the air from her lungs; she couldn't get enough oxygen to her brain and she could feel her heart freezing up. She worked her jaw, clenching and unclenching her fists while her eyes stayed glued to the screen.

 _You, Kara Danvers, are my hero._

"Lena," she breathed out. The whisper broke the icy air and everyone jumped into action. J'onn started to bark orders at the other agents and they all hurried to their stations. Winn and Alex started talking at the same time, their voices sounding over each other's as they argued the best way to track something they'd been unable to find up until then. Sam and Kara stood silently amidst the flurry of motion, neither of them saying a word. Kara was slowly regaining her breath but her eyes hadn't moved from Lena's prone figure. At that moment, Lena started to slowly sit up and Kara felt a heavy pressure lift off her chest. "Thank Rao. She isn't..."

"She's alive, Kara. We can see her. We'll get her back," Sam spoke up, also jerked into action by the sight of Lena's moving. She watched the way Lena was struggling to sit up and could tell even from the small, grainy picture that she was injured; she stepped in between Kara and the screen before Kara could notice it too. "I need you to focus. We will find her. Just—"

"Get out of my way, Sam," Kara said pushily. She reached a hand out to touch the screen, tears glistening in her eyes. Sam body-blocked her and turned to Alex; a look passed between the two women and Alex turned to see Lena fall back down to the mattress and understood what Sam was trying to communicate.

"Why don't we take a minute here, Kara," Alex said cautiously. It was never a great idea to come between Lena and Kara and she wasn't sure if her sister would even want to see her face, but she took her hand and squeezed Kara's fingers with her own.

Despite her earlier anger at her sister, Kara relaxed. Reflexively, and just because it was her sister who was trying to console her, she took a deep breath and looked away from the screen for the first time since they'd sharpened the camera feed. "I need to find her," she said under her breath. "I need to bring her back."

"I know." Alex led Kara a few steps away and sat her down in an empty chair, squatting by her. She felt her ribs pull slightly but ignored it; a little pain in her bones was nothing compared to what Kara must be feeling right now. "I know. And you will, just give it a little time—"

"No! No more time, it's been days and who knows what's happened in that time? She can't even—Alex, it has to be now," she insisted. "Lena doesn't have time for us to—"

"Mom, can Maggie and I go get some pizza—what's going on?" Ruby had snuck up on them without anyone noticing, and she looked at the computer in front of Winn.

"Nothing, baby girl," Sam said easily, switching off the screen. Alex felt Kara tense as the screen went black and she squeezed her hand tighter, rubbing her back.

"Ruby, you have to wait for me!" Maggie was running up behind the young girl, her dog at her heels. She stopped short and eyed the serious expressions of everyone. "Um..." she turned to Alex with a curious expression on her face. "Babe?"

Ale stood up smoothly, letting go of Kara's hand, and smiled. "It's nothing. We're just trying to track a new signal," she said with a pointed look at Ruby.

"Oh, gotcha. Do you need my help?" Maggie stood uncertainly. Gertrude was weaving between her legs and she let go of the leash before she could trip. The puppy bounced over to Kara and started to lick her hand but she didn't react.

"Gertrude, no! Don't lick Supergirl!" Ruby ran forwards to pull the dog away as Kara stared at the black computer screen in an almost catatonic state.

"I think we're good here. Actually, if you could take Ruby out to lunch it would be super helpful?" Sam asked.

"But I wanted you to come with us," Ruby pouted. "You're always working. You know, Maggie's cooler than you because when we go out to eat she actually talks to me instead of doing paperwork the whole time."

"Ruby, I don't have time for—"

"You should go with her," Alex spoke up. Maggie raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything as Sam turned to her.

"Don't we have to...you know..."

"I got it," Alex smiled. "Plus, I haven't gotten to know Gertrude. It'll be quality bonding time," she said with a grin at Ruby. "Go have lunch with your kid."

Ruby's face lit up with a smile as Sam took her hand. "Pizza? Again?" Sam said with mock disgust. "You know I hate pizza."

"I already picked the place. Can Maggie come too?" Ruby said hopefully.

"I think I better take a break before you tire me out, kid," Maggie said with a grin. Just then, Winn let out a disgusted noise.

"Gross! Alex, your dog just crapped on my chair."

Maggie closed her eyes and took a deep breath as Ruby smiled guiltily. "Oh, yeah. She still isn't potty trained," she said as she pulled her mother away. "That's like the third time today." Sam shot a look at Kara as she walked towards the stairs but didn't say anything. Kara had sat staring straight ahead during the whole interaction, and still hadn't moved. She caught Alex's attention and pointed to her sister before Ruby dragged her down the stairs.

Alex knelt back down and touched Kara's knee. "Hey. Why don't you go get some fresh air?"

Kara shook her head and watched as Winn turned the screen back on. Maggie, who was in the middle of cleaning the poop off Winn's chair, paused. "Is that...?"

"It's Lena."

They all held their breath as someone else walked on camera. "There's no audio," Kara said visibly disappointed.

"No. I don't even know if I can get it—if the camera is only set up to record video then no manner of hacking can create a wire and a speaker. But I'll look into it." Winn watched as the person turned to the camera. Kara inhaled as she recognized her face and turned to her sister.

"Alex. That's you."

* * *

it's a little weak, sorry. I'm working on pulling everything together.


	19. 19) Dreams and Drugs

" _Stop it! Just stop it!"_

Lena groaned and turned her head away from the yelling. Her entire body ached from the beating she'd received the day before and she squeezed her eyes shut. She had woken up earlier and tried to sit up, but the pain in her ribs and her shoulder had been too much and she'd fallen back asleep.

"...developed technologies that make your lives easier; technologies whose inner workings your little human minds couldn't even _begin_ to understand. She has spent the last few years here trying to make a name for herself and time and time again has proven that she is a strong, powerful woman that doesn't need to cower from the stigma of an evil name."

Lena's eyes fluttered open as she recognized Kara's voice. She sounded angry, angrier than Lena had ever heard her. She sounded like she was close to crying, too, but that could have been her imagination. Looking around for the source of the noise, she saw that it was coming from a phone in the hand of a familiar woman.

"Alex?" Lena's voice was hoarse and she cleared her throat as she sat up, her right shoulder twisting painfully as she supported herself with a stiff arm. "You're alright! But what is that?"

"My sister is still trying to protect you," Alex said quietly. She looked at Lena with a sad expression and held the phone out.

Lena squinted at the small screen, confused. She wanted to ask Alex what had happened, why she seemed perfectly fine physically when the last time she'd seen her she was being dragged away bleeding, but all her attention was on Kara's voice, her appearance. A reporter was reading a short line about 'acting CEOs' but Lena tuned her out until the feed switched back to the blonde woman.

"...funded an entire hospital, a hospital where _your children_ go to get treated for whatever ails them, and guess what machines they use to treat them? Machines that Lena Luthor helped dream up and design and develop. Lena Luthor is my—she's a—a friend to me, and the idea that she would be stupid enough to play favorites..."

Lena's breath hitched as Kara stumbled over her words. Her sincerity had always been something that Lena loved about her, and the fact that Kara, awkward, shy, nervous Kara, would do a press conference and seemingly only talk about _her_ , was hitting her close to home. She closed her eyes, listening to her best friend's voice as she thought of the city and the people that were listening to Kara's speech.

"Her disappearance has torn me apart more than any of you ever cared to ask; it feels like someone ripped out my heart and left me with...there's nothing but a job, a job I never asked for. And maybe you don't trust me. Maybe you think I'm biased. But I am a good judge of character, and I believe in Lena. So just—just—shut up already!"

Alex turned the phone off and slipped it into her pocket. "You mean a lot to my sister," she said as Lena took a deep breath.

Emotionally, she had no idea where she stood. She was trying to sort out everything in her head when Alex touched her shoulder, making Lena jerk back in pain.

"Sorry! Sorry," Alex pulled her hand back and knelt down. "Look, I don't have much time. Lillian wanted me to show that to you, but—"

"Why? Why would my mother want me to see that?"

"To unsettle you? I don't know. I only know I heard them talking; they want you to be the one to release the virus on the city. They want you to do it of your own free will—"

"She didn't learn her lesson, did she?" Lena narrowed her eyes and pressed a hand to her side. "It's never going to happen, and especially not after what happened yesterday—"

"But if you don't cooperate, they'll just force you to. With the alien," Alex finished with a glance at the camera in the corner of the room. "They think I'm on their side and it's hard to weave around his mental—whatever it is he does. But I can help you."

"Why is my mother working with an alien, first of all?" Lena furrowed her brow and looked up at the camera too. "And can't she hear what you're saying?"

"I don't know. Just let me—I only have a minute. Look, they're going to try to...condition you. They're giving it a few days, and they're going to try to break you, to mold your mind, the way you think—I don't know how, but they want you to be complicit, pliable—to do whatever they want." Lena started to speak but Alex cut her off in a hurried whisper. "It's not a good alternative, but I left something in the bathroom for you."

"I saw that bathroom the few times they've taken me. There's nowhere to hide anything," Lena hissed. She wracked her brain for the mental picture of the only other room she'd seen; walking down the submarine hall into a small bathroom was the only exercise she'd gotten, and all she could remember was a bare sink, no mirror, and rusty metal toilet. The toilet paper had been sitting on the tank, and there was only a bar of soap. The room was completely empty save those items, and she couldn't imagine where Alex would've hidden anything.

"It's taped inside, down the sink drain. Don't turn the water on until you get it out, and you have to flush it afterwards. The pipes are barely big enough, but it'll do."

"What are you talking about, Alex?"

"You'll see. But you have to do it before you leave the room. You won't get another chance. I know they're taking you to the bathroom soon, and afterwards that _thing_ is going to come back." Alex shivered and closed her eyes. "He was in my mind, I could feel him everywhere, I—"

"But what is it?"

Alex eyed her seriously. "It'll help, I swear. Trust me," she said, standing up as the sound of footsteps echoed down the hall. "Now act scared," she whispered, taking a step back.

Lena shook her head in confusion but adopted a properly frightened expression. It had never been hard for her to cry at will and she let a few tears drip down as the door opened.

"Did she see it?" Lillian stepped next to Alex.

"Yes," Alex said calmly. "My sister is still trying and failing to protect her. The media is already trying to tear her apart."

"Good," Lillian smirked. "Take her down the hall to relieve herself, then back here. I want handcuffs on at all times in the hall."

"Me?" Alex looked a little surprised but at a curt nod from Lillian, she brought out a set of handcuffs. She yanked Lena's arms in front of her, making Lena cry out as her fractured ribs moved painfully and her shoulder was wrenched up.

"You're working with her," she whispered in fake shock, staring at Alex. "With my mother."

"Oh, darling, it wasn't that hard," Lillian said as Alex locked her wrists together. "Clearly Kara Danvers cares more about you than she does about her sister, and that's bound to rub Alex the wrong way. Turning someone on their natural enemy? That's a piece of cake. Especially for a Luthor."

Alex pulled Lena off the mattress and shoved her towards the door. "No funny business, Luthor," she said as Lena stepped into the hall. Lillian stayed behind, sitting down on the mattress and crossing her ankles. Alex looked back as she shut the door and nodded, one smooth dip of her head.

* * *

"Where are they going?" Maggie asked no one in particular as Lena and Alex walked out of the frame. Winn had been able to up the resolution, but not by much and it was still interrupted by static pretty often.

"I don't know," J'onn said as Kara's fists clenched. "Can we work on the audio, Agent Schott?"

"I can try. It looks like the camera is equipped with a microphone, it's just not turned on. If I can get it up and running without them noticing..." Winn leaned forward and continued typing as Alex watched Kara with concern; her sister had stood abruptly when mock-Alex had appeared and had been holding herself tensely until she walked off screen.

"Kara?" Alex reached for her sister's hand and wound their fingers together. Kara's hand curled around hers a little too tightly, but she could see her sister struggling to keep her emotions in check and said nothing about it. "Kara, sit down." She guided her younger sister into a chair and smoothed her hair with a calming hand. "Don't worry. It's like you said, she's family," Alex said sincerely. "And nothing can stand between family." Her heart fluttered as she thought again of how her father was never coming back to her, but she shoved it down. "I promise."

Kara took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Family," she echoed.

"That's right." Alex watched Maggie pull Gertrude onto her lap and press her face into the black fur and smiled to herself. "Family."

Kara opened her eyes and stared at Lillian Luthor, who was sitting on the mattress as though she were on a yacht off the Amalfi coast on vacation, not plotting to destroy an entire city. "If she does anything to Lena, I'll—I don't know what I'll do," she said in a harsh tone. She looked down at the 'S' on her chest and back up, meeting Alex's eyes. "I want her home. Now."

* * *

Lena stepped over the metal doorway and looked back at Alex. "I—"

"Sink. Now." Alex gave her a meaningful look and shut the bathroom door. Lena stood frozen for a moment then headed for the sink, her steps muffled. She didn't have shoes on—she had no idea where they might be, but the cold metal floor woke her up and she stretched her shoulder, using the pain to clear her head.

"Sink. Okay, Lena. You can handle this." She peered down the drain and saw something on the side. Reached a finger in, she pulled it up slowly, afraid she would drop it in. When it cleared the drain, she stepped back in surprise, holding the object away from her body in confusion.

 _What does she expect me to do with this? I don't even know what's in this._

Lena stared at the syringe in her hand. It had a clear liquid in the barrel, and the sharp tip had a small plastic covering.

"You're kidding, right?" Lena muttered under her breath.

Alex cracked the door and saw that Lena had found the needle. "Trust me, you'll need it," Alex hissed.

"I'm not going to—no, this is ridiculous." Lena held the needle out to Alex but Alex refused it.

"Lena, I promise what they have in store is going to be a whole lot worse if you don't use that. It's morphine. It'll help with the pain, and whatever else they try on you." When Lena shook her head vigorously, Alex took the syringe from her and pocketed it carefully. "You're going to regret this," she said, the words sounding almost menacing.

Lena swallowed nervously . "No. No, I can't. That's—no." She walked towards the door and held out her hands for Alex to cuff together. "I'll just...I can take it." She didn't really believe herself, and from the look on Alex's face she didn't sound convincing, but Alex handcuffed her and led her back to the room.

* * *

Kara's head perked up as she heard humming. "That's—you did it," she said as she shot up, pressing her face to the screen.

"We have audio," Winn said, cracking his knuckles. "I don't know if it'll be clear or if it'll stay working, but for now...if they're relocating every so often I'll have to work constantly to keep this up."

"Do it," Kara said without hesitation. "I don't care if you have to get an IV of coffee. If you lose this, you're dead to me."

Winn glanced at Alex, who shrugged, but he nodded. "I was already thinking that," he said J'onn tilted his head.

"Is she...humming a french song?" J'onn looked at Maggie.

"Why are you looking at me?" Maggie said, her hand resting on Gertrude's back.

"Kara's an alien, Winn is a nerd, and Alex listened to punk rock for a long time. You're the most likely to know this song," J'onn said with a shrug.

Maggie narrowed her eyes. "La Vie en Rose," she said after a moment of listening. "Edith Piaf. Nineteen seventy-seven classic tune." She looked around at everyone and scoffed. "Seriously? None of you knew that?"

"I'm an alien," Kara said with a small smile. "I get a pass."

"I wrote a code that played the eight-bit Mario theme in fourth grade," Winn said unhelpfully.

Maggie turned her glare to Alex but Alex raised her hands defensively. "Hey, my music taste is just getting beyond shitty rock bands and electric dance music. You can't rave to 'La vein Rose'."

"It's 'La _Vie en Rose_ ," Maggie stood up in disbelief, upsetting Gertrude out of her lap. "And come meet this dog before I leave you and take her with me," she said in a joking tone.

Alex bent down to pet Gertrude who jumped up and down, thrilled to make a new friend. "Does she have food?" She glanced at the screen but nothing had happened, it was still just Lillian sitting and humming quietly.

"Crap. I should've grabbed some on the way but I got distracted," Maggie sighed.

"Don't worry about it," Alex waved a hand. "I'll text Sam to pick some up. It's getting a little late but tomorrow's Wednesday. Ruby's studying history, and she's great at that so I'm sure Sam will let her stay up."

"Wow, you really have their schedule down, huh," Maggie raised an eyebrow.

"Uh huh," Alex mumbled, not really paying attention as she texted quickly. "She's asking if there's a specific kind we want, and if anything happened with Lena."

"Whichever one the sales people say have protein or something. And tell her about the audio." Maggie sat down on the ground and let Gertrude lick her face as she watched Alex type on her phone.

"I can't believe you got a dog, Alex," Kara said, looking away from the screen. "You couldn't keep your fish alive through college. You even killed a succulent plant, and those are supposed to last in the desert with minimal water."

"Maggie will take care of Gertrude, right?" Alex grinned down at her girlfriend who was playing with the puppy. "She's always wanted a dog."

"Screw you, Danvers," Maggie huffed as Gertrude knocked into her back, her clumsy paws sliding out from under her. "Yes, I'll keep her alive." Winn laughed, watching the three banter.

Alex opened her mouth to say something but the sound of a door opening and closing from the screen jolted them all. Kara's head whipped around and she saw the Alex look-alike shove Lena to the floor at Lillian's feet. Her hands were still cuffed together, and Kara's jaw worked as Alex left the room and Lillian stood up.

"Are you ready to cooperate with us?" Lillian said calmly.

Lena said nothing but slowly raised her body into a sitting position, keeping her head down.

"Either way you'll do what we want at the end of this. I'll just enjoy it so much more if you fight us," Lillian smirked.

"Supergirl will stop you," Lena ground out through clenched teeth. Her ribs were killing her but she refused to show her mother how much pain she was in.

"Supergirl seems busy with...something else," Lillian said with a smile. "She hasn't been seen since you left the city. In fact, they're saying it's you."

"What?" Forgetting herself, Lena looked up and raised an eyebrow reflexively. "What do you mean, it's me? What's me?"

"They think you're Supergirl," Lillian's smile grew wider. "Your disappearance and Supergirl's happened at almost the same time. You leave the city, crime rates escalate, people notice that Supergirl has been rather MIA...you can see how it looks."

Lena looked away. "That's ridiculous."

"Not so ridiculous. You're a lot closer to Supergirl than you'd think, she—" Lillian and Lena looked up as the door opened again and the hooded alien stepped into the room. "Haldrak,"Lillian said shortly.

The man nodded once, a jerky motion, and another man walked in. Lena tried to squirm away from him but he grabbed her bad shoulder and she curled in on herself as he pulled her up and dropped her on the bed. His eyes met hers and she remembered the prick of a needle in the side of her neck, but before she could think any further a sharp pain started at her right temple. Looking past the man's arm she could see the alien had removed his hood. His skin was rippling all along his body; Lena knew now it was because underneath the fake blue skin was a ten-foot-tall monster but she couldn't focus on anything with the pain in her head. The pressure increased and she bit her lip, tasting blood. As she tried to pull away, her ribs twisted and she cried out in pain.

Hearing the sound, Kara let out a breath and swallowed, the tendons in her neck standing out. Alex tried to pull her away but her sister wasn't budging.

"Kara, maybe you shouldn't—"

"Family." Kara cut her sister off and Alex looked down sadly. Nothing would tear her sister away from that screen now, but she knew what was going to happen. Her sister, despite having suffered so much in twenty-seven short years, wouldn't have the stomach to watch someone being tortured; she especially wouldn't be able to watch Lena go through that. Alex looked at Maggie helplessly and Maggie's expression mimicked her own frustrated pain; the pain of knowing what was coming and not being able to do anything about it.

On the screen, the man had thrown Lena off the mattress where she landed hard on her left side, heavily on her already injured ribs. She screamed in pain and Kara felt the noise echo through her bones. She watched as Lena stayed motionless, her arms up to fend off another attack. Her chest heaved up and down as Lena's words ran through her mind on an endless loop.

 _You, Kara Danvers, are my hero._

 _Kara Danvers, my hero._

 _You are my hero._

 _Hero._

Kara slammed her hand down on the chair she'd been siting on, obliterating it into twisted metal scraps and broken plastic fragments. Everyone around her flinched but they all seemed to sense that it would be dangerous to say anything.

Lena was twitching on the floor, the pain in her body being completely overshadowed by the pain in her head.

"So are you joining us?" Lillian asked politely, an evil smile on her lips.

"Fuck you," Lena choked out. "I—fuck!" Her words dissolved into a scream as the man tossed her like a rag doll across the small room. She slammed into the wall with the force of a truck and hit the ground on her back, knocking the wind out of her. As she gasped for breath, Lillian walked over into her line of sight.

"Pity. You don't look like you can handle much more, and here I thought I raised a strong woman." She nudged Lena with a high-heeled foot and frowned. "Haldrak, how close are you to breaking through?"

"It is harder to induce a hallucination while she is awake," the alien answered in his strange, formal way of speaking. "I am close."

Lena could feel it in her head. It was as though her mind was a thick sheet of glass, and the alien was slamming his body into it over and over again, but it several different places at once.

"I'm going to destroy you," Lillian said smugly. "There will be nothing left of your mind when I'm done, you'll be as useful as a coma patient."

"I thought you wanted me to help you," Lena gasped in relief as the pain disappeared from the front of her skull. "I can't do that in a coma, didn't you ever learn any medicine?" She saw the alien walk out in the corner of her eye, but the pain from the rest of her body was distracting her.

"Stupid as always," Lillian said with a smirk. "I can't believe anyone thought you were Supergirl. You're so...weak."

Hearing her name, Kara's expression grew dangerously stormy and J'onn put a hand on her shoulder. "Supergirl, take a walk."

"If you think I'm leaving right now, you're insane," Kara shoved his hand away.

"People are starting to notice Supergirl's absence from the city. There are dozens of crimes happening each day, and you—"

"Wait." Kara leaned forwards; the Alex look-alike had reappeared and was bending over Lena. Knowing it was a White Martian was killing Kara; Lena probably thought it was really Kara's sister who was there to help her.

"I told you, you'd regret it," Alex said as she covered Lena's body with her own for a moment. She slid the syringe out of her pocket and held it in Lena's view. "I'm giving this to you."

"No," Lena wheezed, but she couldn't really object. Her whole body was screaming at her to do whatever it took to get relief from the pain, and she closed her eyes. Her torso felt like it was on fire and the handcuffs had cut into her wrists. She didn't see Alex look back at Lillian and get another nod before bringing the syringe to Lena's arm.

"This will take a second." Alex pricked Lena's arm and pushed the plunger down, the drugs being released into her system. She stayed bent over Lena until she saw the other woman's face relax as the drugs kicked in, then undid her handcuffs. Alex stood up and walked over to Lillian, whispering in her ear. Kara's super hearing couldn't pick it up over the static, and she growled in frustration. After Alex left, the alien came back in the form of the hooded man and picked Lena up, laying her out on the bed. Her head rolled to the side and her eyes were half open.

"What's going on?" Kara hissed to Winn, who was still trying to track the signal to an exact location. "What did they do to her?"

"I think they gave her a drug," Winn said with trepidation. "Looks like a painkiller."

"That's—that's good, right?" Kara said uncertainly. "Why would they do that?" She shut her mouth as the martian raised two fingers to his temple the same way she'd seen J'onn do before, and Lena twitched in her half-conscious state.

Lena was dreaming, running down the same corridor as before. The nightmare she'd had before replayed, but this time when the shadow swooped in to save her, she could see what it was—who it was.

"Supergirl?" she mumbled. Kara's ears perked up and she elbowed Winn silently. "Supergirl. You saved me," Lena said as her mother watched with narrowed eyes as her daughter muttered in her delusional state.

Kara felt guilt eating away at her but forced herself to watch. She hadn't saved Lena, wasn't even close, but Lena was dreaming of the person in the cape; Lena was dreaming of the person who had always been there for her—the person who, unknowingly to her, had promised to never leave her side.

In her dream, Supergirl was flying her out of the ocean. Physically, scientifically, Lena couldn't figure out how it would work, but they were rising through the meters of dark sea water. "Can we go home now?" Lena asked as though it was a perfectly normal thing, the water breaking around them.

"Of course, Lena," Supergirl said in Kara's voice. When Lena looked up, it was Kara who was holding her and Supergirl was nowhere to be seen.

"Kara?"

Maggie's eyes widened and she looked to Kara as Lena mumbled her name. She could see Kara was barely holding herself together and she stood up cautiously. "Maybe you should stop, Kara," she said slowly. Kara shot her a glare and suddenly Maggie understood the expression _'if looks could kill'_ , and she fell silent again.

"Kara, you saved me." Lena smiled as they landed on a balcony then walked into an apartment. It was Kara's apartment, of course; naturally she would go home with her. She lived with her. Nothing about it was strange to Lena. She was home. "You always save me."

"Of course. I'll never leave you." In her dream, Lena sat down next to Kara on her couch the same way she had thousands of times.

"They think I'm Supergirl," Lena mumbled. Lillian raised an eyebrow and looked at Haldrak, whose eyes were closed in concentration. "But I'm not. Maybe you are," she said with a smile. She leaned back against the couch and started to drift off. "Or maybe I could be."

"Sure," Kara said as she nodded agreeably. Lena felt the dream swirling around her, slipping away, and she reached for it longingly; reached for the feeling of security and safety and _home_ that she felt sitting on Kara's couch, but her eyes closed and she drifted away.

"What was it?" Lillian barked as Lena's body relaxed. "What did she see?"

The martian opened his eyes. "It was a dream. Some woman—a blonde woman, and Supergirl. She was living with her."

Lillian narrowed her eyes. "Stupid girl. She doesn't know they're the same person," she said with a spiteful glare at Lena's unconscious body. "We'll wait for her to wake up and try again. I want you to slowly turn Supergirl against her. Have her tell Lena to join me—Lena has a vivid imagination, she'll dream up the right words. You just have to plant the idea."

"Of course." The martian nodded once then headed out of the room. Lillian looked to the man who had tossed Lena around and pursed her lips.

"Get her a glass of water," Lillian instructed him. "I'm sure she'll need it tomorrow when we start—"

The feed cut off and static replaced the image. Kara straightened her back and looked at Winn.

"What did you do?" she said angrily.

"I didn't do anything," Winn started typing frantically. "They must have moved. I can get it back now that I know what I'm looking for, I just need to—"

"Get it back now!" Kara growled at him.

"Supergirl!" J'onn crossed his arms. "Take a walk. Fight crime." He gestured disappointedly to the screen. "We'll let you know when we get it back. Now go check with Agent Vasquez."

Kara glared at him and before turning on her heel. "I don't need you to help me," she said snidely. "I can do it on my own."

"Kara, wait!" Alex called after her but her sister had disappeared. With a sigh Alex slumped into a chair.

"That's, um..." Maggie half-smiled as she cradled Gertrude over her shoulder.

"What, Maggie?" Alex was annoyed. The situation was getting to be too much to handle; Lena was suffering even more, Kara was falling apart in front of her, Maggie was showing up with more extensive injuries every day, and her brain was screaming at her to toss a bourbon back and get wasted before everything else broke down.

"That's the chair that I cleaned shit off of earlier," Maggie bit her lip.

"Perfect. That's perfect," Alex groaned. She stood up and stormed off to her lab. She was determined to develop an antidote just in case they didn't make it in time and the virus was released on the city. Her thoughts were chasing each other around her mind so turbulently that she didn't even hear Maggie following her with their dog until Gertrude barked, sending Alex's hand reaching for her gun.

"Easy there, Danvers," Maggie said with a placating hand on Alex's gun arm. "It's just our dog. Meet Gertrude," Maggie said proudly. "Look, she even knows how to sit. Sit, girl!" Maggie frowned when Gertrude walked away from her and nosed around Alex's biohazard disposal bin.

"She's really well-trained, you're right," Alex said in a tired voice.

"It worked earlier..."

"A coincidence, I'm sure." Alex pressed her face to a microscope and tried to focus but she kept seeing Lena's body being thrown around the room and hearing her screams in her ears.

"It's not on you, Alex," Maggie knew what she was thinking.

Alex didn't look up, adjusting the zoom on the lens. "Sure."

"It's not." Maggie wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and hugged her from behind, the puppy weaving her way between their legs. Alex's phone buzzed and Maggie slipped her hand into her girlfriend's pocket, pulling it out. "Got the dog food. On our way back, then I have to get Ruby home. Are you staying tonight—what is this?" Maggie stepped back and Alex closed her eyes as she felt Maggie's arms disappear from her waist.

"I asked Sam if I could stay with her last night," Alex sighed. _Might as well tell the truth here._

"Why?"

"Because...I don't know. You weren't home and I didn't really have anywhere to go."

"You couldn't have stayed with your sister?" Maggie crossed her arms.

"Come on. You know Kara blames me for Lena being gone," Alex reasoned.

Maggie shook her head. "She doesn't. I think you're the only one who blames you."

"Clearly you don't know my sister," Alex snorted.

"Maybe I don't. But I also don't know why you were going to stay with Sam last night," Maggie pressed.

"Because you were too busy punching your way through brick walls!" Alex stepped back and finally addressed what had been pressing on her mind since Maggie had shown up with twice as many bandages on her hands.

"I didn't—"

"Not literally, Mags, I just—"

"I know you didn't mean literally," Maggie said angrily. "But it would be great if for two seconds you could handle my anger issues. I handle you wanting to drink yourself into a stupor every night and you can't handle my—my getting angry and just letting loose for a fucking second?!" Maggie was incensed and it seemed like Gertrude had picked up on the tension because she was hiding under the desk.

There was an awkward silence then Alex spoke up. "You haven't been handling it, though. That's not supposed to sound like—I just meant—"

"Forget it, Alex." Maggie closed her eyes and put a palm to her forehead. "Look, I have to go into work. I think...if Sam is okay with you staying there, I think it would be good for you to not be there when I get home."

Alex felt her heart drop but she kept her face calm. "For—for how long?"

"I don't know," Maggie sighed. "We both have to work some stuff out, I just—maybe a week? Don't act like this is only horrible for you," she said as Alex's lip trembled. "You think this is fun for me?"

"Then don't do it."

"We have to, Alex. We need to take a break. We work together, we have the same friends, we do everything together. I just need some time on my own."

"But...I got you a dog." Alex clenched her jaw. "I—you said we were fine."

"Let's not drag this out, okay? It's just one week. Everything will be fine after that." Maggie left the lab without looking back, letting out a deep breath. Gertrude stuck to her heels and followed close, already loyal to her. She could feel the distance she was putting between her and Alex like a rubber band stretching further and further until it snapped, the broken ends whipping against her heart.

Alex stood at her lab table, still in shock from what had just happened. She had gone from being surrounded by her friends and family to having no one in under a week. With a glare at her microscope, she slung her jacket over her shoulders and headed for the back exit, avoiding crossing paths with Maggie. Once she got outside the brisk air hit her face and her feet beat the familiar path to the bar. She got there in twenty minutes and took her place at the counter.

"What'll it be today?" the bartender said with a smile.

"Just a single—make it a double scotch," Alex said without smiling back. He brought it over a few minutes later and she wrapped her fingers around it greedily. She didn't plan on getting drunk, she just wanted to stop thinking so much. _Here goes nothing_. The first sip burned like a familiar fire in her mouth and down her throat, and she smiled easily for the first time in days. _Why did I ever stop this? There's nothing wrong with feeling this good._ The second sip went down smoothly and Alex looked up at the ceiling. _One more._ She took a third, much longer sip and put the glass down. The drink was mostly finished, and she warred with herself before picking the glass back up and finishing it in two gulps. Longing for another drink, she paid her tab and left, the hot spirit warming her from the inside. She wasn't even close to being drunk, but for her it was enough. Her head was clearer and she could put everything in perspective—the problem was Lena was missing. That was straining all of her relationships; her relationship with her sister, with Maggie, with herself. Once Lena was back in National City she would have her sister back and she could figure out what to do with Maggie. For now, she would have to talk to Sam about her life problems. She took her phone out and shot her a text.

 _Change of plans. Can I stay with you for a little? We don't need the dog food. I'll tell you about it later._

She hit send before she could read it through, and turned back to the DEO.

 _Of course. I'm always here to talk and Ruby would love the company. You can help her study (:_

Alex smiled as she neared the DEO.

 _Great. I'll be there in half an hour?_

 _No problem. You still have the key, just lock the door behind you._

"J'onn, I have to go." Alex found her boss and looked him in the eye.

"Are you sure, Alex?" J'onn looked across the room to where Winn was still sitting at his computer trying to get the signal back.

"I am absolutely sure. I'm in a pretty good place, there's just some things I have to get done," Alex smiled.

J'onn tentatively smiled back. "I'm glad to hear it. I'll let you know when we find something," he said in a serious tone then turned away.

Alex left and hummed on her way to the car. Everything was going to work out and everything just seemed more full of life. She popped a piece of gum in her mouth on her way to Sam's house and sang along to the radio the whole way there.

* * *

Kara zeroed in on a man running away from an electronics store downtown. "Gotcha," she muttered, speeding down to land in front of him. He let out a startled yell as she dropped from the sky.

"Supergirl! But you were gone!"

"Not likely," Kara growled. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm just..." the man looked at the clearly stolen equipment in his hands and looked up sheepishly. "I guess this is the part where you arrest me."

"I don't arrest people," Kara said in an annoyed tone. "I've changed my methods." Her fist struck him squarely on the jaw and he flew back, hitting a marble column before falling to the ground, unconscious. She caught the stereo system inches before it hit the ground and placed it by the man's prone body. "Stealing is against the law," she said mockingly. She could hear the sirens heading towards her and thought of getting their attention by throwing the man into the air, but instead she turned her heat vision to the sky. Her jaw unclenched and she let out a yell of anger as the high-temperature lasers beamed straight up, evaporating the clouds in their way. The police cruisers turned onto the street and she shot off into the sky, satisfied that they had found her.

"There's a car thief a few streets over," Vasquez said over the comm in her ear.

"Fine," Kara said shortly. She dropped silently behind the car jacker then grabbed his crowbar from his belt in one swift motion.

"What the hell?!" he turned around in surprise and she hit him across the face with his crowbar before tossing it away.

"That doesn't look like your car," she said in a sickly sweet voice to the man's unconscious body before shooting off again. "What else?"

"Supergirl, this isn't how we handle criminals," J'onn spoke up. "You should wait for the police to get there and you know as well as I do that we don't use violence to solve our problems."

"Ignore him. Tell me what's next." Kara shot past buildings and skyscrapers as she waited for Vasquez to answer, following the city streets below her.

There was a pause and Kara pictured Vasquez looking at J'onn for confirmation before she answered. "Someone's spraying graffiti on a wall by the art museum," Vasquez read off her computer. "Are you sure you're okay to do this?"

"Someone's got to prove Supergirl is still here for this damn city," Kara said as she flew over the head of the graffiti artist, plucking the can from her hand.

"Who's there?!" the graffiti artist looked around in alarm.

"An artist, that's commendable," Kara said as she floated downwards. "Unfortunately, your work will probably never make it into the museum. So let's keep that at home." She threw the spray paint can at the wall so hard it broke open and the pressurized air hissed out. Landing on the ground she threw a fist at the brick wall and part of it crumbled off. She kept up a steady stream of sharp jabs until she had completely broken off the painted over parts, the shock of her fists striking brick satisfying to her raw emotion.

"Lady, what are you doing?" the graffiti artist held her hands up. "I'm just trying to tag—"

"Don't do it here, blah blah blah, it's illegal and I'll stop you." Crumbled and broken parts of brick behind her were strewn across the ground and Kara looked back at them for a moment. She could see the fear in the eyes of the woman she'd apprehended, and somewhere inside her it felt wrong, but she lifter her chin and smirked. "Paint something else," she said snidely then jumped into the air.

"I thought you were supposed to be a symbol for hope and whatever!" the girl yelled after her. "I'm trying to show my hope for the future!"

Kara closed her eyes and sighed. "Not all of us have a certain future," she called back then flew off.

She didn't know how to describe to herself how she was feeling. She didn't know how to get the feelings out short of smashing her fists into something and she could feel her emotions storming around inside her, wreaking havoc. She shot above the clouds and screamed, letting her heat vision loose onto the empty night sky.

 _You, Kara Danvers, are my hero._

* * *

whooo boy my proofreading is getting bad i fixed a ton of issues


	20. 20) Rescue

A loud banging jolted Alex awake and she groaned. Smelling coffee, she rolled over and hid her face from the sunlight. "Maggie, answer the door," she said, the pillow muffling her voice. The banging came again, louder this time.

"Alex! Let me in!"

Alex groaned again. "Maggie, it's Kara. Let her in or she'll break down the door." She heard footsteps and the latch of a lock being thrown open before Kara burst into the room.

"Where's Alex?" she heard her sister say breathlessly.

"Couch," came an unfamiliar voice. Alex rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up, a blanket falling off of her and onto the floor. Only then did she remember she was at Sam's house; she had spent the last couple nights there, coming in late and crashing on the couch usually the second she walked through the door.

"Alex, what is wrong with you? What happened last night, you were supposed to come back to the DEO in the evening. You said you were grabbing something from Sam's house." Her sister looked at her accusingly.

 _Was I drunk?_ Earlier in the day she slipped out of work to go drink like she had been doing the last few days. It had started to happen more frequently; at first it was once, then twice, now three times a day that she walked the path to the liquor store and bought a beer or two, or one of those mini liquor bottles they sold on airplanes. She would huddle in the alley, her jacket zipped up against the cold, and down the drink before heading back to work. Alex thought back to the night before but she couldn't remember if anything had happened. She didn't feel hungover at all, but Sam was strangely quiet and Ruby was nowhere to be seen. "Hey," she greeted her sister. "I—"

"I let her sleep. She's been working herself to the bone, she needed rest," Sam spoke up. Alex couldn't tell if there was something off about her tone but her face remained neutral. "She came to pick up some clean clothes but fell asleep on the couch." Her eyes met Alex's and Alex leaned back; she couldn't put her finger on it but she felt like she had done something wrong.

"Fine," Kara huffed and put her hands on her hips. "Come on. We have to go in."

"What? Why?" Alex stretched and rubbed the back of her neck. Sleeping on couches hadn't done anything to help her posture, but she never managed to make it up the stairs the guest room.

"Why?! Because of Lena! They just found her; she was in a submarine under the sea this whole time! The sub surfaced a couple hundred miles off the coast of Brazil and we're about to go—"

"What?" There was a crash as Sam dropped a glass sugar bowl. "You found her?"

Seeing the broken glass on the floor jogged her memory and Alex stayed silent as the sound of glass splintering echoed in her ears. The only thing she remembered from the night before was waving around a bottle of wine before dropping it on the floor; specifically, the sound it made as it crashed to the ground. Sam hadn't taken her eyes off Kara, ignoring the pile of sugar and glass at her feet.

"If you bothered to check your phone, you'd know," Kara scowled. "I hate this," she said to no one in particular. "I hate that J'onn practically banned me from the operations room. I never know what's going on."

"He banned me too." Sam knelt down and started picking up shards of glass as Alex stood up.

"You both know it's for good reason. You shouldn't have to watch all the—"

"All the what?" Kara interrupted. Her imagination had been running wild, creating horrible scenarios of Lena being beaten and thrown around the small metal room as aliens ripped through her brain and her mother hummed in the corner. The tension in the air at the DEO was unbearable since all of the agents knew they weren't allowed to tell Supergirl what was happening to her friend and whenever Kara walked into a room a hush fell across everyone that was there, leaving her to glare at them in the frosty silence.

Alex bit her lip. J'onn had told them all not to let Sam or Kara see the video feed, but the sounds of Lena screaming always carried through the halls and she had no doubt her sister had heard them. "Nothing. We should go." She reached for her phone and looked around for her gun.

"Can we meet you there?" Sam stepped forwards and put a hand on Alex's arm. "We'll be right behind you."

Kara raised her eyebrows angrily. "What could possibly be _more important_ than bringing Lena home right now? We may not have another chance, we have to act now."

"Just—please," Sam said earnestly. Something in her expression must have tipped Kara off because she glared at Alex then turned to leave. Alex watched her sister wrench the door open and jump into the sky, her heart sinking in her chest.

"What was that about?" Alex turned to Sam. "We have to go, right now. We should've gone with her." Guilt nagged at her but the situation was too urgent for her to think about whatever she might have done. She looked out the door Kara had disappeared through and tapped her leg impatiently, but made no move to follow her sister.

Sam put the pieces of glass on the counter then walked to the door that Kara had left wide open and closed it with a deep breath. "You seem remarkably alright for not being the one to find Lena," she said with a look at Alex.

"What? What are you talking about? Can we just—have you seen my gun? I need to go." Alex looked away and started rifling through the couch cushions. After a minute of pulling the couch apart, her suspicions were confirmed when she turned back to see Sam holding her gun carefully. "Okay." She swallowed and stuck her hands in her pockets. "So are you going to give that back to me or…"

"Do you remember anything from last night?" Sam said in a quiet voice. "You were pretty hard on yourself."

Alex couldn't meet Sam's eyes and she focused on the pile of sugar on the floor. "Not really. I think...broken glass."

Sam leveled her gaze at Alex and crossed her arms. "Do you want the long version or the short version?"

"The short version." Alex gave up and sat back down. She had to get going before her sister had more of a reason to hate her but she had the sneaking suspicion that she was the reason that Ruby was nowhere to be seen despite it being close to noon. "Is Ruby okay?" she asked tentatively, afraid of the answer.

"The short version is you blame yourself for everything that's happened to Lena. And that my daughter is staying with your ex-girlfriend until you can get your shit together." Sam swept up the rest of the broken glass and sugar as she spoke, emptying it into the garbage with a decisive _clink_.

Alex exhaled a sharp breath. She could feel her chest contracting and her lungs felt like deflated balloons in her chest. "Ex...girlfriend?" she whispered.

Sam put the dustpan away and turned to see Alex's crestfallen expression. "Ex," she confirmed. "You made a judgement call. No one disagreed with it, and by that I mean Maggie supported it."

"I did this?" Alex's voice rasped in her throat. It was a horrible feeling, hearing all the things she'd done and having no memory of them. "I broke up with Maggie? Why was she here, did she come to see me?" she asked hopefully.

"I asked Maggie to take Ruby," Sam explained, dashing her hopes. She crossed her arms and continued without breaking away from Alex's gaze. "After my daughter had to talk you down from shooting yourself in the middle of my living room." Sam's voice took on a cold tone when she mentioned her daughter. Her friendship with Alex had grown stronger rather quickly, but there was only so far a mother could go.

The room went deathly quiet except for the sound of Alex gasping. "I...I can't—I didn't do that, I wouldn't," Alex stammered out. "Is Ruby—did anything happen to her?" She started to panic, her breaths coming louder and louder as guilt clawed at her soul and she met Sam's eyes. Surprisingly, despite her cold tone, Sam's expression was concerned. For her. Her eyes flicked past Sam and rested on the gun that Sam had put down on the counter and Alex tensed.

"Everyone is fine," Sam said in a calming tone. She sat down by Alex and put her hands on her shoulders. "Take a deep breath. Everyone is fine," she repeated.

Alex jerked away from her. She couldn't connect the dots. The few memories she had were like shards of a broken mirror she was still trying to glue back together, but she couldn't make out the whole picture. "I wouldn't do that," she gasped. She felt like she would never be able to fill her lungs again and when her eye caught the gun on the counter again, her chest heaved and she put her head in her hands. The idea that she had done this to Ruby—to Maggie, that she had taken the very same gun that she had saved lives with and pointed it at herself, it was an idea she couldn't wrap her mind around. Her breaths were shallow and wheezing, and when she felt Sam wrap her arms around her she tried to fight her off.

"Alex. Alex!" Sam refused to let go and pressed herself closer to the agent, forcing her to feel the human contact through her jacket. "Alex, take a deep breath. Everyone is fine."

"No, it's not fine. Your daughter—why am I still here? You must hate me," Alex gasped out as she tried to pull Sam's hands apart, but Sam had locked them together firmly across her chest. "Let me go." The panic that had risen in her chest was forcing her heart to beat painfully fast and she was overcome with the desperation to leave, to escape, to claw her way out of her own skin. "Let me go, let me go! Just let me go!" Her voice cracked and she stopped struggling, her shouting dissolving into tears. "Just let me go," she whispered as her tired body finally relaxed. She leaned against the couch and closed her eyes, tears leaking out.

Sam kept a tight arm around Alex's chest but brushed the hair out of her face with her free hand. "You said that last night, too," she said sadly. "You don't have to do this to yourself, Alex. It's okay to fall apart, but if you don't forgive yourself you'll never be able to put the pieces back together."

"I don't even remember—I was drunk." The words stung as she uttered them, and Alex pulled away from Sam. This time the older woman didn't fight it.

"I know." Sam cleared her throat. "Sorry about that."

Alex laughed, wiping the tears out of her eyes. "What are you apologizing for?"

"I didn't clear out all the alcohol from my house. I fell asleep before you got back and I only came downstairs after—"

"Don't. Don't do that, don't apologize to me. I put you in a bad position," Alex ran her hands through her hair and took a deep breath. "Oh my god. Lena. Ruby. Maggie, Kara. Everyone must hate me." She laughed as more tears spilled over her cheeks. "It's not funny, it's horrible, but I just—everyone important to me doesn't want to be near me." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "I even got a dog and now it's not mine anymore. This is—this is crazy."

"Not everyone. I'm important, aren't I?" Sam said in a light tone. She regarded the woman in front of her. She had never really known an Alex that wasn't plagued by her demons, but she was hoping she could help with that. "I'm your sponsor."

Alex groaned. "Shit. Well, I guess that went out the window," she said sadly.

"That's not how it works, Alex. People relapse all the time." Sam took Alex's arm and pulled her up off the couch; Alex stood on shaky legs and smoothed out her clothes. "And you have a meeting tonight."

"I can't—no, we have to find Lena." Alex shook her head. "I don't have time for this," she said adamantly.

"And I don't have time to ask my daughter to clean your brains off my floor," Sam said in a mocking tone as she grabbed her keys and purse. "So let's just do each other a favor and go to this meeting, alright?"

Alex narrowed her eyes. "Way to guilt me, Arias." She eyed her gun longingly but Sam stepped in front of the counter.

"Absolutely not. That's getting locked up somewhere and you can bet your sister will be hearing about this." She pointed to the door. "Out. Let's go. You're harder to get out of the door than my daughter before school."

"No, no, please don't tell Kara," Alex said desperately as she was herded towards the door. She knew what her sister was going to say. She was going to blame Alex, she was going to demand how Alex could only think of herself while Lena was locked away somewhere across miles of ocean, how Alex could forget everything and everyone else in favor of her own problems.

Sam raised an eyebrow but calculated the possible endings to the conversation. Realizing that Lena didn't have time for her to get into it, she smiled. "Fine, I won't," she lied easily. " _If_ you go to the meeting with me."

Alex pulled the door open and sighed. "You drive a hard bargain."

"I'm running a multi-billion dollar business company. I should know how to bargain," Sam said as the door closed behind them.

* * *

Lena's body was stiff and sore, and she couldn't see much from her position on the floor. Every few hours Lillian would come in and try to convince her to release the virus herself, and every time Lena would refuse. This was followed by Lillian stepping back and letting one of her Cadmus goons whale on Lena until she tasted blood, then Lillian would hiss insults at her about her not wanting to be a Luthor; why couldn't she just cooperate and show the world her true colors, why couldn't she accept that no one was coming for her. She hadn't been given anything to eat in days, and the one time her mother had brought her water she'd tried to refuse it; unfortunately for her, when she poured the water out on the ground two of Lillian's men came in and forced her to drink it. She could still feel herself drowning and choking when she closed her eyes. Halfway through the beatings there would be a pause while Lillian went to retrieve the Martian and Alex would manage to sneak in. Lena had started to listen for the sound of Alex's footsteps in the hall—they were lighter and faster than the others'. The prick of the needle in her arm or her neck was quickly becoming a welcome feeling; it always meant that the pain would dissolve and Lena would fall away into dreams while the alien picked his way through her brain. After god knew how long, they would leave her alone, a bleeding mess on the floor, and she would pass out until they came in again. She wasn't sure if the dreams she was having were caused by the delirium of not eating or drinking anything, or if it was a side effect of the mix of drugs and alien telepathy, but she welcomed them either way.

She had been halfway through a dream when the door opened. As the head of Cat Co., she was trying to get the magazine out to print but Kara and James kept shooting her ideas down. The exact article was already escaping the reaches of her mind, but it was something to do with Supergirl, something to do with people thinking she was Supergirl.

"Lena," her mother said in a sickly sweet voice. "You have a visitor." Lena didn't raise her head, she didn't have the energy. She felt, for lack of a better term, dope-sick. Days of pain and dreams had blurred together and she struggled to form a single line of thought. A body hit the ground by her, the hair falling into the face so she couldn't make it out. "Caught her smuggling morphine out of the medical area. She tried to deny it, but...oh well. What a pity." Lillian turned the body over with her foot and Lena's eyes widened, the blood draining from her face.

In front of her was Alex Danvers, but unlike that last time she'd seen her, she looked cold and still and dead. Lena felt the shock go through her body and she squirmed away, ignoring the pain in her torso and limbs as the floor brushed against her injuries. "You killed her," she whispered disbelievingly, the words tearing at her throat which was raw from screaming. "You killed her." She felt every fracture in her ribs as she spoke and she squeezed her eyes shut against the pain.

"Yes, it appears I did," Lillian said disdainfully. "You weren't close, were you?"

Lena was still in shock. Kara's sister was lying on the floor a few feet from her face. Kara's sister's _body_. She had just gotten Alex killed. Kara would be ruined, she would be broken, she would never look at her again—if she ever saw her again. The air had left her lungs and in her mind she could see herself trying to explain to Kara that she had never meant for this to happen, that it wasn't supposed to be this way, that it was all her mother's doing. "Wait," she wheezed out. A man had picked up Alex's legs and was dragging her away. "Wait!" He didn't respond and Lena winced as Alex's head hit the metal lip at the door frame. "Be careful!"

"It's not like she can feel it," Lillian watched her daughter's face as the door closed behind Alex's body.

"You're—you're an abomination," Lena hissed. "You're a murderer."

"Oh, Lena. You call me all these names, but all I ever wanted was to be proud of you. It's not my fault you could never live up to that."

"You never wanted to be proud of me! You wanted to see me destroyed, you've despised me since the moment my father walked me into your home."

"Our home. You're a Luthor too, darling." Lillian smiled coldly at her daughter.

"It's not my home." Lena leaned against the mattress, pulling herself up slowly as her body screamed in protest, waves of pain running up and down her nerves. Memories of her childhood, of years spent looking up to the woman standing over her, flooded her mind and she looked down at her hands. They were dirty and had smears of dried blood on them. _My blood,_ she thought as her stomach heaved. "I wanted you to be proud of me, once," she mumbled.

"It's not too late." Lillian bent down and caressed Lena's bruised cheek. Too tired to pull away, Lena looked at her mother through half-lidded eyes. "It's not too late to make me proud, Lena. You can do it. I believe in you."

Lena opened her mouth to protest but nothing came out. This nurturing, kind version of her mother took her by surprise. She felt her resolve start to crumble, like a fifty-story building in the beginnings of an earthquake. As a child, this was all she had ever wanted. She had spent so much time and energy trying to prove to her mother that she was the best, that she deserved what had been given to her; not knowing that she was a Luthor by blood had given her a drive to live up to the name as a young girl, desperate to prove herself. But looking at her now, Lena saw in her mother's eyes the one thing she had lusted after for so many years and had never been able to achieve—wanting. It was clear in her expression that Lillian genuinely wanted her daughter to join her, to rule over the city. And as absurd as it was, it pulled at Lena inexplicably.

 _Would it really be so bad? She_ is _my mother, after all._ In her half-delirious state Lena was picturing a world where she had a relationship with her mother; a world where the people closest to her all lived together comfortably. There was no constant backstabbing, no erecting walls around her heart to protect her from the inevitable betrayal that would come when she least expected. She would run Cat Co., her mother would be her advisor, she and Kara would work together and Kara's sister—

 _Is dead. Kara's sister is dead. You killed her._

Lena felt her heart breaking. Without saying anything, Lillian had managed to rip Lena away from the life she'd hoped to have yet again. The weight of what she'd done hit her like a truck and she closed her eyes. _No matter how much you might want to, you can't. You can't help her hurt thousands of innocent people._

When she opened her eyes, Lillian was still looking at her expectantly. Lena opened her mouth, unsure of what to say and cursing her last name for making her push her family away. "Mother, you have to know, I never wanted us to—"

There was a loud _clang_ and the entire submarine rocked back and forth. Lillian lost her balance and fell backwards, her hand falling away from Lena's face. Lena fell forwards, her forearms taking the brunt of the impact.

"Ma'am!" A man called through the door. The sound of creaking metal reverberated throughout the room and Lena let her head drop, too tired to hold it up. For a brief moment she wondered if this was how Sam felt, lying on the floor of Lena's bathroom back in college, then the door opened to reveal a man standing in the doorway, his arm stretching out to help Lillian up from the ground. "They're here." He glanced at Lena and nodded to Lillian as she got her bearings. "What do you want me to do about her?"

"Nothing," Lillian said primly."She's going to kill Supergirl for me. I'm sure her pores are leaking the virus by now. We'll leave her here, just give her one more hit."

The man nodded and approached Lena with a needle in hand. She didn't have the energy to fight back and the scariest part was she didn't want to. Despite the panic going through her that her mother was convinced she would be Supergirl's downfall, she felt herself hoping that the man would hurry up, that the drugs would get in her system faster. Her arm twitched, itching to feel the needle sinking into her skin, the relief that came with the rush of the chemicals in her bloodstream, the pleasant dreams that would accompany them. It was an almost primal feeling and she knew it was the beginning stages of addiction taking over her brain, but her fear dissolved into nothing as she felt the needle enter her arm. She sighed and closed her eyes as the aches and pains from her body melted away, her mind entering a euphoric state she couldn't hope to achieve in this place without help.

"Leave her. We have to move. Is the virus—" Lillian was interrupted by a burst of static from a radio at the man's hip.

"Mid-air! I repeat, we are...in the air. All hands to the control room."

"Damn." Lillian lent a disparaging look to her daughter whose eyes had closed. "A city full of people and my daughter befriends the only one who can lift a military submarine out of the water. Don't worry," she added as they left the room. "I planned for this."

Lena barely moved as the door closed loudly behind them. Her mind was back in National City; the morning routine for her and Kara was in full swing. Wake up. Put on a pot of coffee. Go into Kara's room and yank the covers off because there was no other way to get her roommate up. They would argue about who would make breakfast and it would always be Lena because if it was up to Kara, they'd eat ice cream covered in cereal every morning. Lena always left first because for some reason board meetings were only held at unreasonably early hours, and later she would meet Kara at Cat Co. when she swung by to see how her media conglomerate was doing. The sounds of fighting and gunfire rang out but Lena was still arguing with Kara over breakfast.

"Lena!" Someone was banging on the heavy metal door. "Lena, answer me. I know you're in there!

Recognizing Kara's voice, Lena raised her head and opened her eyes. "Not ice cream again, Kara," she said in an annoyed tone. "When I agreed to move in with you I thought you ate like a regular person." Her head drooped down and she stared at the door from her sideways angle. "I have a meeting, I have to go in to work early," she mumbled.

"Lena!" There was a shriek of straining metal and the door was ripped off its hinges. Someone fell to their knees in front of Lena's body and blonde hair fell across her line of sight.

"Kara? I told you I have to go," Lena mumbled incoherently. Noises echoed in her ears; the banging of metal and shouting sounded muffled to her.

Kara opened her mouth to say something but caught herself just in time. "Ms. Luthor? It's Supergirl. Are you alright?" She brushed the hair out of Lena's face, some of it was sticky with sweat and blood, and she saw that Lena couldn't focus her eyes on anything.

"Supergirl?" Lena squinted up at her. "I could've sworn I heard Kara."

"You must be mistaken. Ms. Luthor, I'm here to rescue you. Do you know where you are?" Kara was afraid to move Lena; from what Alex had said over the last few days, she must have extensive injuries. "Are you in pain?" she asked as she turned her x-ray vision on Lena's torso.

"Ocean. I feel fine," Lena said in a distracted voice.

Kara felt bile rise in her throat and she choked back a sob. Lena's bones were littered with fractures; some of them were broken clean through and some of them had several fractures clustered together. Her ribs looked like someone had played whack-a-mole with them and both the bones in her right forearm had been broken, her shoulder badly dislocated on top of that. Leaning in to get a closer look, Kara saw the bruises that covered almost every inch of her skin.

"You're supposed to be dead." A voice from behind her made her whirl around and she turned to see Lillian Luthor standing in the hallway with a gun in her hand, aiming it at her head.

Kara felt the anger inside her boil up and she saw red. "You're going to wish I was pretty damn soon," she growled, her eyes focused on the gun.

"The virus is supposed to have affected you by now. She's been drinking—"

"You made her _drink_ it? You are seriously deranged," Kara fumed, holding perfectly still. Past Lillian, Kara could see her sister fighting with several Cadmus agents. For a fleeting moment the fear that Alex would be distracted and looking for Jeremiah crossed her mind but she brushed it away. Alex would take this seriously. She knew how much this meant to Kara. She looked around for J'onn but he must have been in another part of the ship, fighting the other Martian like they'd planned. He'd shielded her mind when she flew the submarine out of the water and onto the coast, and she wondered if he was the reason they were all still sane.

"You should be dead by now," Lillian repeated, advancing on her. Kara moved, smoothly mirroring Lillian and shielding Lena from her mother. She heard Lena groan behind her and every cell in her body screamed at her to turn around but she forced herself to stare Lillian down.

"That's thanks to me," Alex piped up from behind Lillian. Lillian whipped around and pointed her gun at the agent and they found themselves at a stalemate. "I finished an antidote to whatever poison you've been pumping through the air in here, and just in the nick of time, it looks like." Kara saw her trigger finger tighten on the gun and she tensed. She shot Alex a warning look but Alex either didn't see it or ignored it. "Put it down," Alex said in a level voice. She had a DEO issued gun pointed at Lillian's forehead. It wasn't as good as her own gun, but it would get the job done.

Lillian smirked coldly then slowly turned and lowered her gun. Kara breathed a sigh of relief until she realized that instead of dropping it, Lillian had pointed her gun at something behind her. "You shoot me now and Lena dies. I suggest you lower your weapon."

Fear laced her voice. "Alex, please." Kara didn't take her eyes off Lillian but she could hear Lena mumbling behind her.

"Supergirl. Kara, people are saying I'm Supergirl. Do you believe them?"

"What did you do to her?" Kara growled.

Lillian narrowed her eyes but didn't answer her question. "I'd tell your sister to back down, or I'll shoot her in the stomach. These are Kryptonite bullets. Meant for you, but they'll kill her just the same."

Kara froze, her eyes darting between Lillian and her sister. "Alex, put your gun down," she said in a defeated voice.

"You can't be serious. She'll probably shoot us both anyway, at least this way we have—"

"Put it down, Alex!" Kara said in a commanding voice as Lillian's finger twitched again.

"Supergirl, I—"

"Now!" Kara's voice cracked and Alex took her left hand off the gun, holding it out.

"Okay, okay." There was a clatter as Alex knelt down and took the clip out of her gun, placing them both on the ground. She held her hands away from her body and stayed on the ground. "I'm unarmed."

Lillian smirked. "You should've listened to your sister." There was a loud bang and Kara watched in slow motion as the bullet sliced through the air. It was a glowing, solid green piece of metal, and as she followed the trajectory it got closer and closer to Lena. At the last possible moment, her body jerked into action and she threw herself in front of Lena. The bullet slammed into her right abdomen and she felt it tear through her flesh for half a second before the momentum carried her backwards and she crashed to the floor, her hands moving reflexively to cover her stomach.

"Kara!" Alex surged forwards but Lillian grabbed her shoulder and pulled her around, holding the gun to her head.

"If my plan isn't working, I guess I'll have to improvise," she hissed in Alex's ear. She yanked the comm out and Alex went still as the cold metal of the barrel pressed against her cheek. Time slowed down for her and she tried to zero in on her surroundings and look for a way out, but all of her attention was on her sister.

Kara was lying still on the ground, face down. Lillian used her foot to turn her over and as she rolled away from Lena, she let out a strangled gasp. Being practically invincible, she had rarely felt physical pain, and the kryptonite bullet was burning her from the inside out, taking her breath away. She wanted to curl in on herself but she could do little more than lie there, her hands pressed to her stomach. She smelled something metallic and with a jolt recognized the smell as blood. _My blood,_ she thought hazily. She brought one of her hands away from her body and looked at the red dripping down her fingers with a detached air.

"Keep pressure on it, Kara!" Seeing her sister's blood made Alex's stomach turn. She could still see Kara as the young girl she had been trusted with protecting, only now she was bleeding out in front of her. She tried to pull Lillian's arm away from her neck and was rewarded with the pain of the gun butt hitting her in the face. Dazed, she sagged back and Lillian loosened her grip for a moment. Taking advantage of the opening, Alex elbowed her in the gut and brought her left arm around, aiming for Lillian's face. The gun went off again and Alex felt the bullet whiz by her as she leaned into her attack. Instead of going on the defensive, Lillian pistol-whipped her across the face and she stumbled back, a trickle of blood dripping down her cheek. She heard the echo of the gun cocking as she stared down the barrel but more importantly, Kara was moving around and Alex heard her sister gasping in pain.

"Looks like it's three birds, one stone," Lillian sneered. "My daughter, Supergirl, and now you, Alex Danvers. It's a goddamn trifecta."

As Lillian pulled the trigger, Alex felt a hand on her shoulder and suddenly she was on the ground. She felt something wet on her hands and had the sickening realization that she was covered in her sister's blood before she heard the gunshot.

Kara let out a cry as the third bullet entered her upper lung. She twisted from the impact but kept going forwards, using her body as a battering ram and taking Lillian to the ground, her hand reaching for the gun. She tried wrenching it out of Lillian's grasp but she was in so much pain she could barely see. The kryptonite running in her veins was agonizing, like molten lead being poured directly into her bloodstream. She wrestled weakly with Lillian and the gun went off again.

 _This is it. This is how I'm going to die._ Kara closed her eyes and waited for the last bullet to hit her. _I'm sorry, Lena._

"Kara! Kara, can you hear me?" Someone was tugging at her arm but she couldn't think past the burning in her bones. Her entire body felt like it was being sliced to pieces by a hundred knives and every breath she took scraped against her throat. "Kara!"

Alex frantically pulled her sister off of Lillian, her fingers slipping through the cape that was soaked with Kara's blood. She abandoned caution and yelled Kara's name, not caring whose attention she attracted. She had seen the last bullet explode out of Lillian's back in a spray of blood and now her only thought was for her sister. Her sister, who had taken a bullet for her. Her sister who might have just given her life to save her—

 _No._ Alex shook her head. _She's fine. She's always fine._

"Kara, please say something." Alex pressed her hands into the bullet wounds, blood seeping between her fingers. Kara cried out in pain as she applied pressure and Alex sighed in relief. "Thank god. Can you hear me? Just hold—hold on, we'll get you home and you'll be fine." She pressed down harder; maybe, if she could just stop the blood from leaking out, if she could hold the blood in her sister's body for her…

"J'onn!" she screamed down the hallway. She had no way of knowing if he was near her but she knew he would be listening for her.

She didn't realize she was crying until the tears dropped onto Kara's face. Her sister looked up at her through slitted eyes and swallowed.

"Alex…"

"I'm right here, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

"Alex," she said more forcefully. She started to cough, blood coming up as her body was wracked with spasms. She could feel the bullet move in her lung as she coughed, could feel it buried in her flesh, burning her.

"Shhh, it's alright. You're fine, you're—" Alex's voice died in her throat and she closed her eyes. The few times she'd seen Kara injured by kryptonite stood out vividly in her mind; the first time she had seen her bleed, the way she could see the green chemical flowing through her veins under her skin. She didn't want to watch as Kara struggled to breathe, every breath harsher and shorter than the last. " _J'onn_!" Her voice cracked and she looked down frantically as her sister mumbled something else. "What? What is it?"

"Lena," Kara mumbled. "Where's Lena?" She tried to sit up but Alex pushed her back down in alarm as blood dripped across her hands.

"Sorry, sorry!" Alex apologized frantically as Kara groaned through clenched teeth. "She's...she's fine," Alex lied. Lena hadn't moved and was staring aimlessly at the wall, muttering to herself. Alex couldn't hear what she was saying, but she was at least conscious and not bleeding out, so she turned back to her sister. "Just hold on a little longer, Kara." She saw her sister's eyes start to close and her voice rose an octave. "Come on. Look at me. That's good, that's good. Keep looking at me," she breathed in relief as Kara's eyes opened slightly.

"Alex, I'm cold." Alex's heart thudded in her chest. Kara sounded like the lost little girl who had crashed to earth over a decade ago; looking for comfort in a world she didn't understand.

"Shhh, don't say anything." Footsteps echoed down the hall and Alex looked up, relief washing over her when she saw J'onn approaching them. "She was shot!" She looked up at him, not sure what to do. She was afraid to move her hands from the bullet holes, afraid to let go of her sister. "Kryptonite. And Lillian…" she trailed off, looking at the corpse a few feet from her.

"I'll take her from here. We've secured the rest of the ship and the virus is accounted for." J'onn placed his hands over Alex's and pressed down. "You can move your hands. I'll need to fly her to the DEO as fast as possible, but we need to get the kryptonite out of her system first. There's some medical supplies in a room down the hall. Turn right at the end of the hall, first door on your right." Alex didn't move and J'onn looked at her in concern. "Alex, you can save her."

Alex was frozen in place. Even with J'onn's hands pressing on her own, she couldn't pull away, the idea of letting go went against everything she'd been saying to herself for the last few minutes. "We're too far away, you can't make it, she'll—"

"She'll die if you don't get the bullets out. Get moving, Agent Danvers. That's an order." J'onn's voice took on a hard tone and Alex slid her hands out. They were slick with blood and she took a shaky breath and blinked as though she'd just walked into the sunlight.

"Right. I need, um...tweezers, and—and bandages, and something to clean it out, and—"

"Go!" At J'onn's order, Alex's legs snapped into motion and she took off down the hall. J'onn looked down at Kara and took a deep breath. "Supergirl, can you hear me?"

"Tired," Kara coughed, blood dripping from the corner of her mouth. "Lena. Where's Lena?" She had lost enough blood that she couldn't feel any of her limbs and the pain in her chest from the kryptonite was lifting. She knew that wasn't a good sign, but she was too tired to question it.

"She's here," J'onn answered her with a glance at the woman in question. His eyes glowed red for a moment and he turned back to Kara. "She's dreaming. About you," he said, trying to give her any sliver of comfort. As long as they could get the kryptonite out of her, she could heal herself after they put her under a sun lamp, but the amount of blood steadily leaking out of the holes in her suit was alarming him, as was the pool of blood already surrounding them.

Alex came tearing down the hall, a box in her hands. "I have it!" She skidded to a stop and dropped to her knees. "Okay. Okay, we just need to extract the bullets now." She wrenched the box open to reveal a scant medical kit—gauze, tweezers, scissors. She picked up the tweezers and inspected them for a moment. "There's nothing to clean out the wounds. This will have to do."

"What do you need me to do?"

Alex bit her lip. "Hold her down. It's going to hurt when I pull them out but if she moves around too much it'll just do more damage." She took a deep breath and held the tweezers over Kara's lung.

"Ready?" J'onn met her eyes and she nodded. He pulled his hand away and a fresh wave of blood oozed out slowly. Alex froze, her hand shaking above her sister's body. "Alex, take the bullet out." J'onn watched her hover indecisively then covered the wound again, trying to stop the blood loss. "Alex. I would do this, but I don't have any medical training. You have to do this."

Clenching her jaw, Alex looked at Kara's face. Her sister looked like she could be sleeping aside from the macabre bloodstains on her clothes. "Alright. Now." J'onn pulled his hand away again and she pushed the tweezers into the bullet hole.

Almost immediately, Kara's back arched and she surged up, fighting against J'onn's arms that were pinning her to the ground. It reminded Alex of a butterfly pinned to a board and she tasted bile in the back of her throat. "I'm close, I can feel it." She didn't know who she was trying to reassure; Kara certainly couldn't hear her and she couldn't bear the fact that she was the reason her sister was in pain. She could hear Kara's choking breaths and imagined her sister's lungs filling up with blood as she dug around for the bullet buried somewhere in her lung. The scrape of metal was a welcome one and Alex maneuvered the tweezers with a practiced hand. "I have it!" Carefully drawing the tweezers out, the bullet appeared and Alex dropped it into her hand. Kara fell back to the floor, fresh blood staining her suit. J'onn quickly covered the wound and nodded, the veins in his neck standing out from the strain of holding Kara down.

"Good. That was good. One more."

Alex closed her eyes. "I can't." The image of Kara coughing up blood in front of her was already seared onto the backs of her eyelids and she shuddered. "I don't think I can do that again."

"Don't think of her as your sister. Think of her as Supergirl."

"I can't!" Alex opened her eyes, tears collecting at her chin. "I can't look at her and not see my sister! I should have protected her, it should have been _me_ who took that bullet. I can't cause her any more pain."

"If you had taken a bullet for Kara, you would most certainly be dead by now. And we both know that Kara would have sold her soul to save you, she would have torn the city apart in grief. But that's not the case. Right here, right now, you can save her." J'onn looked down at Kara's body. She had gone completely still between them, and he pressed Alex, knowing the clock was ticking as long as the kryptonite was still in her body. "I just killed a white Martian. A member of my species that hunted and murdered my kind for years. I didn't want to, I don't enjoy killing. And if I could have saved him, I would have. You have that chance now. Don't give it up because you let your fear take you over. It's mind over matter, Alex."

"Mind over matter," Alex echoed. She blew out a breath and steeled herself. "Okay." As J'onn pulled his hand away, Alex's hand dipped in and out. The second bullet was easier to find but as she brought it out, panic made her throat close up. "Why isn't she moving? She didn't react. She can't feel it, she—"

"Calm down." J'onn stood and lifted Kara into his arms. "She's just unconscious. The kryptonite has to be flushed out of her system, but the bleeding has already slowed. I'll get her back to the DEO, meet me there with Lena. There are other agents coming."

"No! No, I have to stay with her." Alex stood up, the tweezers falling to the ground. She pushed her hair out of her face, forgetting she had Kara's blood on her hands. "I have to stay with her."

"Alex, we can't lose anymore time. You and I both know Kara would tell you to get Lena home safely." J'onn turned to go and Alex watched him with a broken expression.

"What if she dies?" she whispered, afraid to say the words out loud. "What if she dies, and I'm not there?"

"She's not going to die," J'onn said firmly. Alex hesitated, then nodded wordlessly and he left. He was giving orders over the comms that Alex couldn't hear; Lillian had ripped hers out of her ear and it was sitting in a pool of Kara's blood. Seeing the reflection of the light off of her sister's blood, Alex's stomach clenched and she bent over, her hands on her knees, as the contents of her stomach came up and splattered the ground.

 _Definitely a liquid diet last night._ She stepped over Lillian's body and bent down next to Lena. "Lena? Can you hear me? It's Alex Danvers, Kara's sister. You're safe now." Lena's unfocused eyes met hers and Alex saw tears glistening in her eyes.

"You're dead. I killed you."

"What? What are you talking about? Where are you hurt?" Alex didn't understand what Lena was saying.

"It doesn't hurt."

"You're...crying." Deciding to chalk up the death comment to the martian who had taken her likeness, Alex sat back on her heels.

"Because it hurts." Lena closed her eyes.

"What hurts?" Alex didn't know what to say. She'd watched Lena being tortured for days and didn't know where to begin.

"My mother. She..."

Alex turned around and glanced at Lillian's body. "She—she can't hurt you anymore. I'm taking you home."

"No, she's dead." Lena latched on to Alex, her eyes wild. Alex jerked back in surprise but Lena held on like a rabid dog fighting for a piece of meat. "She's dead. Supergirl killed her."


	21. 21) DEO (TW)

A/N: just a warning for this chapter-not too much graphic stuff because i find it hard to write, but it can be hard for some people to read

* * *

The flight back took almost seven hours, even with the fastest jet they had taking them directly home from the South American coast. The second it landed, Alex jumped off and left the other agents behind, desperate to find her sister. She headed straight for the med bay, ignoring the looks from everyone at the DEO; they all knew what had happened by then and no one wanted to get in her way. She was still covered in Kara's blood and no doubt looked ghoulish as she ran through the halls, her heart contracting painfully with every step.

 _She's fine. She's fine. She's fine._ The mantra ran through her head as she neared the med bay. "Kara!" She burst into the room with her hair flying.

The sight that greeted her filled her with equal parts relief and dread. Her sister was lying under industrial-strength sun lamps, various electrodes attached to several parts of her body. She was still wearing the suit she'd been shot in and from farther away Alex saw how much of it had been soaked through with blood. J'onn stood at her shoulder, gently wiping the blood off her face around the oxygen mask strapped around her head.

"Is she..." Alex approached the bed and took Kara's hand; it lay limply between her shaking hands but felt warm and alive, and Alex could see the rise and fall of her sister's chest.

"She hasn't woken up yet," J'onn said quietly. "The kryptonite has been flushed out of her system, but so has all the sun's energy. She solar-flared on the way here; her body kept trying to heal itself but it was too weak."

"But she'll be okay? She'll wake up soon?"

"I hope so. Where's Lena Luthor?"

"They're coming up the hall with her." Winn and Maggie walked up to them. Alex tried to look at anything but Maggie and failed miserably. She was wearing Alex's favorite outfit on her, which she hoped wasn't a coincidence. Dark blue jeans, black boots with a small heel and one of Alex's leather jackets paired with whatever tee she had slept in. Alex could tell she'd spent the night in that shirt because it was all wrinkled and had a small bit of toothpaste by the collar.

Maggie was also looking Alex up and down, not meeting her eyes. She took in Alex's blood-stained hands and suit and stepped forward, licking her finger. "You have some..." she rubbed at Alex's forehead, trying to get the blood off her skin. When she finished, she stepped back awkwardly, her hand falling to her side. It wasn't her job anymore to make sure Alex was alright, or clean, or presentable or even moderately okay. She watched Alex's throat move as she swallowed and opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Maggie turned as the noise of several peoples' boots came through the doors.

"Multiple fractures and broken bones, assumed internal injuries, possible concussion." One of the agents held out a tablet for Alex to take. "We gave her some morphine on the way up here and ten of Valium because she started to move around too much."

Alex was still staring at Maggie, who was looking at her expectantly. Her mouth had gone dry and she could feel her heart throbbing deep in her chest.

"Alex?" J'onn stepped in front of her.

Alex's concentration broke and she blinked a few times. "Morphine?" She took the tablet and scanned the numbers. "Her heartbeat is too low for that—" She broke off as the monitor emitted a sharp, constant tone. "Get me paddles and adrenaline!" She passed the tablet to Winn and reached for a scalpel off the tray of medical instruments by Kara's bedside. Slicing open Lena's dirty, tattered shirt, she winced when she saw the bruises and gashes littering her skin but didn't hesitate to grab the paddles an agent held out to her. "One hundred, and...clear!" Alex waited for everyone to step back then made sure to avoid the tubes and wires around Lena before shocking her heart. As the electricity went through her, Lena's body jerked up off the bed and the tendons in her neck stood out. A few beats stuttered across the monitor then she flatlined again, her body falling back. "Two hundred! Where's that adrenaline?" Alex rubbed the paddles together and waited for someone to inject the adrenaline into one of Lena's IVs before shocking her again. She could feel Maggie's eyes on her and refused to acknowledge her. "Dammit, Lena. Don't give my sister another reason to hate me," she growled. "Three hundred!"

"I don't think her body can handle—"

"Do it!" Alex barked at the nervous-looking agent and he turned the knob. "Clear!" Alex hit Lena with the paddles a little more forcefully than she needed to; Lena's body surged up and she sucked in a breath. Her left arm thrashed around and two of the agents had to jump back to avoid being hit. "Get out!" Alex said angrily. "You're in the way. Lena, can you hear me?" She grabbed a flashlight that J'onn held out to her and leaned over the bed to check her pupil reaction as the agents filed out of the room. "Lena, it's Alex Danvers. Can you hear me?" Lena's pupils were constricted to pinpoints and she groaned as the light hit her eyes, trying to turn away. "You're okay. Calm down, you're home. You're okay." She pressed a stethoscope to Lena's chest and listened to her breathing pattern.

"Um," Maggie spoke up, "It looks like you have your hands full here so...I'm going to go update Sam. She would've been here, but she's watching Ruby downstairs and didn't want her to see this."

"Isn't that your job? Watching Ruby?" Alex said bitterly with a sideways glance at Maggie.

Maggie inhaled deeply and held the breath in for a couple heartbeats before blowing the air loudly out of her mouth. _Don't say anything stupid._ "I'm just gonna go," she said calmly. "I'll come by later." She followed the agents out and closed the door behind her.

Alex made a non-committal noise but didn't look up from her examination; Lena had started to wake up and was moving around. "Lena, calm down. You're safe. You're at the—" J'onn cleared his throat and Alex caught herself. "You're safe." Alex placed an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. "Calm down. It's Alex. You're okay." Alex's voice dropped when Lena tried to fight her off. "Can you hear me? Say something if you understand." Lena let out a weak mumble and Alex leaned in closer. "Can you say that again?"

"Alex?"

Alex exhaled in relief. "Yes. Yes, it's Alex. That's me. You're safe now, do you hear me? We're going to get a few x-rays and fix you up. You'll be fine in no time," she said in a falsely enthusiastic voice. Even without seeing the extent of Lena's injuries, Alex knew there would be some lasting damage.

"No, you're dead. This isn't real," Lena whispered hoarsely. "This isn't real."

"It's real, I promise. I'm here," Alex said softly.

"'Not real. I'm dreaming. You're dead, my mother is alive." Lena lapsed into incoherent muttering.

Alex swallowed and put a hand on Lena's forehead to feel her temperature. "This is real. I'm sorry." She turned away and crossed the room quickly, heading for the portable x-ray machine.

"No!" Lena's cry cut through the room and Alex whipped around to see J'onn standing over her, his eyes glowing. At the sound, he lost his concentration and his eyes went dark.

"What are you doing to her? Calm down, you're safe. You're safe, it's Alex." Alex rushed to Lena's side with an accusing look at J'onn.

He held his hands up and looked at Lena with concern. "I was just—"

"Get away from me, Martian." Lena's voice was muffled by the oxygen mask but the panic in it was unmistakable as she struggled to sit up; Alex carefully pushed her back down into the bed.

"What did you do!?"

"I was trying to calm her mind. I thought I would send her into a dream state," J'onn explained.

"You tried to do the exact thing her mother tortured her with?" Alex said angrily. "What made you think that was a good idea?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't think of it that way. Her mother used it—not the way it was meant. I was trying to help her." J'onn closed his eyes.

"It feels the same, J'onn. Forcing your way into someone's mind like that? It strips you to the bone, it leaves you exposed in a way you never thought possible," Alex shuddered.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "But I did find something strange."

"She's been through hell. I wouldn't expect her brain activity to be anywhere near normal." Alex looked over at his expression and narrowed her eyes. "What was it?"

"Morphine. That's what she's thinking about."

"Morphine?" Alex smacked her forehead. "Of course. For the pain." She filled a needle with the drug and slid it into the IV. "Lena, you'll feel better in a minute." She started to press the plunger down but Lena moved to stop her.

"No." Her voice was weaker than before and Alex noticed that she wouldn't move her right arm. "Hurts." Her breaths came faster and faster and she shut her eyes.

"I know it hurts, but the pain will go away soon. You'll be fine—don't try to get up." Alex finished injecting the morphine and used her arm to stop Lena from sitting up. "Breathe, Lena. Slow down."

"Ms. Arias." J'onn's voice made her look up to see Sam standing in the doorway, her hands over her mouth. "I didn't know when you were coming up here, I can move Ms. Luthor to another—"

"Don't be stupid, J'onn. She's here to see her." Alex eyed him strangely. "Why else would she be here?"

J'onn closed his mouth. He had heard Sam's thoughts when trying to calm Lena down, and they had surprised him. She had been thinking of her friend and her daughter, of course, but a large portion of her thoughts had been focused on Alex; whether or not the agent was alright, if she could handle the situation, if Alex needed her help. He knew Alex and Maggie were having some trouble and didn't want to say anything, so he just shook his head. "No reason. I'll give you two a moment. Tell me if Supergirl wakes up when I'm gone." He brushed past Sam on his way out.

"Oh my god," Sam whispered as she took in Lena's disheveled appearance. "Can she hear me?" She looked at Alex nervously, not sure of the answer. She reached out and pulled the blanket over Lena's legs in a protective gesture, her eyes going to the marks covering her chest and torso.

"She can. She's sedated right now, for the pain. I'm about to take some x-rays so you might want to stand back." Alex handed Sam a heavy, lead vest and put one over her own head. She took several shots, making sure to get every angle. Remembering specific moments that she had seen on the grainy video feed, she x-rayed her ribs then her right arm and shoulder, twice, before moving on to the rest of her body. "These will develop soon, give me a second." Alex pulled the vest over her head and set it down, motioning for Sam to do the same. She hurried off to the corner of the room with a glance at her sister; Kara still hadn't woken up and Alex was worried she had lost too much blood.

"Lena?" Sam whispered, putting her hand against Lena's cheek. "Lena, I'm here." Lena's eyes opened fractionally and she saw the woman standing over her.

"Sam?" Her whisper was barely audible and it brought tears to Sam's eyes.

"Yeah, it's me. How do you feel?" She sniffled then laughed. "That's a dumb question. Don't answer that."

"What are you doing here?" Lena blinked slowly and Sam watched the oxygen mask fog up as she breathed.

"What do you mean? I came to see you." Sam wiped away a tear.

"This isn't real," Lena mumbled. "Alex is dead. She's not really here, which means neither are you." Her head lolled back on the pillow and she closed her eyes. "You're not real."

Sam looked over at Alex who bit her lip. "She must think I'm—that I'm the alien. That she's still there. I don't know what to say to her."

"Lena, it's really me." Sam looked back at her friend and pulled the blanket higher. "I can prove it, ask me something only I would know."

Lena opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling with a dazed expression. She could feel the drugs circulating through her system and was getting lost in the stream of opiates flowing through her veins; the pain was gone and she just wanted to be left alone. "I don't...you aren't real." Her eyes closed and she listened to her own heart beat slowly.

"I am, I'm real. I'm real and I'm alive and so are you. Never leave, remember? That's what you said to me all those nights when I would wake up on your floor; you said that you would never leave me. So don't leave. I know you're strong enough for this."

"Never...leave. I say that to Sam." Lena opened her eyes. "Sam. She must be worried..." Her voice trailed off and she settled further into the bed, her body relaxing. "Maybe she forgot me."

"No, I didn't forget you." Sam looked over at Alex again but she was busy studying the x-rays up on a light box. Desperate to keep Lena talking, she started to ramble. "Remember when we met, at that party with Rob? We'd started talking and you told me not to go over to him but I did, I went over and talked to him and he gave me my first—that was the first time I'd ever tried drugs. And you watched me the whole night, even though you were drunk, and you made sure I got back to my room and stayed with me." Sam smiled sadly at the memory and waited for Lena's reaction, but nothing happened. "And that time during winter term first year, when you found me sitting in the snow on the campus quad? You brought me to your apartment and I said it was funny how you were richer than I was and you were still helping me, and maybe you were richer because you weren't blowing your money on drugs. And you said, 'Even if I blew a million dollars on drugs I'd still be richer than you.'" Sam took a deep breath. "That was the first time I realized you weren't as cold as everyone thought. You were funny and kind and charming, and smart, so fucking smart. You were everything I wanted to be. You still are." Sam was crying hard and she saw Lena slowly raise a hand up to wipe away her tears.

"Don't cry. You're worth more than this." Lena said the words with ease, her mind dredging up the memory from years ago. In her mind she saw a younger version of herself pulling Sam off the floor of her apartment; Sam had fallen off her couch and passed out and a four-year-old Ruby had been trying to wake her mother. When Sam had opened her eyes to see her daughter standing over her, she had started to cry and Lena had to herd Ruby into another room before coming back for her. She had said the same words to her then and they had convinced Sam to try to get clean. It hadn't been overnight, and Sam had relapsed plenty of times—but when Lena used her pull as a Luthor to visit her in the psych ward, she'd said the same thing then, too.

"Jesus," Alex said quietly, walking up behind them. "She's been...I'm surprised she isn't in more pain," she finished.

"Show me," Sam said forcefully as Lena's hand dropped back onto the bed, her eyes closing.

"I don't think I should," Alex said carefully. She held the x-rays off to the side and glanced at Lena, who had fallen asleep. "I'm going to give her another dose of morphine, she'll be out of it until I can figure out how I want to proceed."

"Proceed with what? I want to know," Sam said vehemently. Alex hesitated and Sam stood up, crossing her arms. "You got drunk at my house and skipped your meeting on Friday and that's fine, whatever, you were busy saving her life," Sam said with a look at Lena. "But that doesn't mean you get to write me off. I want to know what happened. I've known her for over a decade, and I'll be damned if you think bringing her home gives you some sort of power here."

"Alright, alright." Alex surrendered. "I'll put them up." She gave Lena another dose of morphine then clipped the first few x-rays back onto the light box, pointing out Lena's various injuries. "See the hairline fracture here, in her skull? And there's another here, on her cheekbone."

Sam's face scrunched up as she looked at the pictures. The black-and-white depictions of Lena's time at the hands of her mother was harder to look at than she'd thought. She wanted to turn away but her eyes were glued to the images.

"Her shoulder is dislocated," Alex told her in a calm, informative voice, pointing to the next film. "And there's a clean break here...and here." She pointed to Lena's collar bone and forearm respectively. "It looks like there's another smaller fracture in her right scapula, likely caused by blunt force to the back of her shoulder." Alex kept her tone neutral. She knew it would be hard for Sam to hear this, and if she let any emotion enter her voice she didn't know if Sam could take it. She'd listened to Sam's stories with an impassive expression on her face in case the older woman ever looked her way, but she was secretly shocked that Sam could speak of her past drug problems with such ease. Alex didn't think anything could make her tell Kara she had started drinking again. _You might not get the chance to tell her,_ she thought unhappily. "Her ribs are...they aren't pretty," Alex continued, switching the films. Even with her negligent medical training, Sam could tell that it was bad. As Alex pointed to different ribs and rattled off numbers and names of fractures; 'transverse', 'oblique', 'comminuted'; Sam tuned her voice out and her eyes wandered over the pictures. Every time she spotted another line of black where the image should have been solid white bone, she winced. There were too many to count, and she started to feel sick.

"Stop it," she said quietly and Alex immediately fell silent. "I want you to fix her. Now."

"We should get a doctor, I wouldn't know where to start—"

"You had medical training, right?" Sam turned away from the films and closed her eyes but the images of Lena's broken body were seared onto the insides of her eyelids. "You can reset the bones."

"Sam, I don't feel comfortable doing that." Alex flipped the switch and the box went dark.

"And I'm sure Lena isn't comfortable with fifty broken bones! I said fix her, now!" Sam felt all the pent-up emotions from the past few days whirling together and she let her anger take over, turning on Alex. "If you have to pay some doctor to keep quiet about this little secret operation you're running here, fine. But _you_ will fix the damage you've done or I swear I will ruin your life."

Alex leaned back, hurt. "I know it's my fault, I just need to—"

"Enough with the self-pity, Alex. You'll never get anywhere with it."

Alex clenched her jaw. "Fine. Then I suggest you get out of my way if you want me to help her." She ripped the x-rays down and shoved past Sam. Pausing at Kara's bedside, she checked on her sister, who hadn't moved, and her expression darkened. Taking a deep breath, she turned back to Sam with a sad look on her face. "I know you love her like a sister and I know it's not really me you're angry at." Sam huffed but didn't object and Alex continued. "I'll take good care of her. I promise. But you should get back to Ruby."

"Ruby is staying with Maggie, since you're still staying with me."

"I don't want to be the reason your daughter doesn't see you, especially not now, not with all this going on." Alex shook her head. "I'll be fine. I'll stay with my sister."

"Alex, I don't think that's a good idea." Sam crossed her arms again.

"I can't leave her." Alex adjusted Kara's position and sighed. "Go be with your daughter. I'll call you when I'm done here."

"No way. I'm helping you."

"Sam, I don't think that's a good idea," Alex said in a mocking tone. "I really don't, though," she added. "It's not going to be pretty. The same way you don't want Ruby here, I don't want you to stay for this."

"Are you saying you're trying to protect me? I'm older than you. I've seen enough of the shit this world has to offer." Sam's expression darkened. "I'm not a child, Alex." She stepped up to the bed and set her jaw.

"I told you I wanted a doctor—"

"And I told _you_ to get it done. Now." Alex was taken aback by Sam's steely tone but she looked down at Lena.

"God dammit. Fine, pass me that syringe." Alex held her hand out.

"What's that for?" Sam looked at her skeptically as she placed the needle in her palm.

"Another dose of morphine. Do you want her to feel every single break in her bones?" Alex sent it through the IV and waited for a few minutes. When she heard Lena sigh, she eyed Sam. "Okay. Now we start. I want to pop her shoulder back in before we do anything else, so put your hand here—and here." Alex directed Sam to the right spot then took up her own position; one hand on Lena's elbow, the other on her shoulder. "Lena, you're shoulder is dislocated, we're going to put it back in. It's going to hurt, but it will only take a second." Lena mumbled something in response and Alex looked at Sam, taking it as confirmation to keep going. "Whatever you do, don't let go," she said to Sam in a warning tone. Sam nodded nervously and Alex counted it off. "One, two...three!"

 _Crack_.

Lena let out a strangled cry and slammed her head back into her pillow. Alex had twisted the shoulder and applied just the right amount of pressure to pop it back into the socket, her unrelenting grip forcing the joint into place. Despite being ready, Sam had jumped as Lena cried out, a factor that Alex had counted on. She'd repositioned herself in time to keep Lena from jerking away and ruining her shoulder further, but it still would've hurt. Lena let out a groan and shied away from Alex's side of the bed, pressing her face into the pillow.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I know it hurts. Just a few more," Alex tried to console her. "Almost done." She looked at the monitor where Lena's heart rate had momentarily spiked, then knitted her brow. "Why isn't it...lower? The amount of morphine—that's double the dosage recommended. Her heart rate should be lower and that shouldn't have hurt as much as—"

"What are you talking about? Of course it hurt, you just wrenched her fucking shoulder apart!" Sam had curled her hands into fists and was staring at Alex like she was the devil incarnate. "I can't believe you, why didn't you stop?"

"If I had stopped, the joint wouldn't have gone into place and we'd be right where we started. I got it done, and I bet it hurts less now. In fact I know it does, having dislocated my own shoulder a few times." Alex took a deep breath. "Look, it sucks. I know. But—"

"I'm not doing that again. I'm not." Sam shook her head vigorously. "I don't know how you can just—how you can hurt the people you care about. And don't give me some bullshit about needing to bend a little before you break or whatever you're thinking."

"I wasn't thinking that at all." Alex pulled the x-rays up and looked at Lena's broken arm. "I was thinking about which one to move to next and how to set her broken arm."

"I'm not doing it." Sam backed away and sat on the edge of the empty bed behind her. "But I'm not leaving. You better do a damn good job, Alex Danvers."

Glancing between the film and Lena's arm, Alex made up her mind and met Sam's teary glare. "I will, I promise. Scout's honor."

* * *

Alex poured a scotch down her throat and set the glass down with a sigh. Darla walked over and filled her glass up for the sixth time with a skeptical look. She had been sitting at the bar for almost two hours and every time Darla refilled her glass she would stare at it for almost twenty minutes before slamming it. The one time she hadn't refilled it, Alex had given her such a threatening look that she'd considered throwing her out of the bar.

 _Way to go, Alex_ , she chastised herself. _Can't handle anything so here you are, drinking alone at noon on a Saturday. What a fucking loser._ Desperate to drown out the voices in her head, she picked up the glass and tilted her head back. _So much for self-control. Might as well have one more._ She checked her watch; 12:18 pm. After the nightmare of resetting all of Lena's broken bones, she and Sam had agreed on a shift system. Ruby had gone back to Maggie's apartment with her and according to Sam, Alex was still staying at her house, leaving Alex's apartment empty for yet another night. Lena's pained screams echoed in her mind; she'd dosed her with more morphine but Lena seemed resistant to it and any more would have neared a fatal dose, so she'd had to straighten the bones while Lena dipped in and out of consciousness. She'd tried to time the resetting with moments when Lena was out of it but she hadn't always been able to, and they all paid the price when that happened. Sam hadn't been able to look her in the eyes since she'd set the first bone and Lena had finally passed out, getting some much-needed rest.

Her phone rang, startling her. "Maggie?" she said hesitantly. _One more thing you let slip between your fingers._

"Hey babe," Maggie said cheerfully. "Are you coming over soon?"

"Coming...over?" Alex narrowed her eyes in confusion and Darla hurried to top off her glass, thinking it was her Alex was making a face at.

"Yeah. Ruby said you wanted to talk to me," Maggie said with a slight slur. "About us not breaking up."

"She did? What—are you drunk?" Alex let out a snort. _Look at the pair of us_.

"So what if I am? When are you getting here?" A dog barked in the background and Maggie called out to someone she couldn't see. "Who is it? Wait, I don't think I invited anyone over. Are you already here?" she asked Alex.

"No, I'm at—I'm not there. Don't answer it Maggie," Alex said, paranoia surging in her. "Do you have your gun? Who is it?" Alex stood up from the bar, already reaching for her wallet.

Maggie opened the door, her hands clumsily undoing the locks. "Oh, it's you. What do you want?"

"Boss wants to know why you aren't coming into work lately." Alex strained her ears to hear the male voice over the phone.

"I told him I was sick," Maggie slurred. "And I don't know why he sent you. Frankly, it's none of your damn business, Collins." She sneered his name.

"Looks like you've been punching your way through your problems, Margarita," he said snidely.

"Don't call me that." Maggie's voice hardened. Alex knew Maggie's father called her by that name, but Maggie had already called him Collins so it couldn't be her dad.

 _Where do I know that name?_ Alex sipped her drink and tuned out Maggie's conversation. _Collins, Collins...Not...Roger Collins?_ She suddenly remembered going to Maggie's precinct to pick her up back when they'd first started dating. Everyone had welcomed her warmly except one of the men; he'd made an distasteful joke about how they would both end up with a man, which no one had laughed at. Turning her attention back to the conversation, she heard Maggie's angry voice, the voice she used when Alex had forgotten to wash the dishes for the fifth time or the last time Alex had suggested starting a family.

"Good timing, Collins. I'm in the mood for a fight and I've always wanted to beat the shit out of you. I'll call you back, Alex."

"Maggie, wait!" Alex said quickly but Maggie had already hung up without answering any of her questions. Sighing, she slid her phone back in her pocket and took another swallow of scotch, relishing the burn of the alcohol in her throat. She felt useless sitting at the bar and wondered if she should go back to the DEO, but her memory of Sam's expression when she'd stepped back from Lena's hospital bed was seared in her brain. Tossing back the dregs of her drink, she waited for Darla to fill her glass up again then pushed the stool back with the intention of heading to the bathroom, but the back legs caught on something and she felt herself tip backwards. "Shit," she cursed, then she was jolted forwards and the legs of the stool rested firmly on the ground. Looking around to see who had saved her from falling on her ass in front of a full bar, her jaw dropped. "Kara!?"

"Hey sis. Fancy seeing you here." Kara had a strange expression on her face that Alex couldn't read.

"When did you wake up? Are you—are you alright?" Alex struggled to compose herself and tried to think if Sam had sent her a text that she'd ignored. "Why are you here?" she added with a look at Kara's outfit. She was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt that Alex recognized as Maggie's _Barenaked Ladies_ concert shirt. "And where'd you get that shirt?" she said as an afterthought.

"I—it was in your locker at the DEO. I know it's Maggie, but I figured—"

"Maggie and I broke up," Alex said abruptly. "I don't want to talk about it," she said as Kara opened her mouth.

Kara closed her eyes. "So you decided to come drink and forget about it?"

"Leave me alone, Kara." Alex let the slur slip into her voice and reached for her drink. Kara seized it off the counter and held it behind her back.

"Darla, let's hold off on serving my sister any more drinks for now," she called to the waitress.

"Fine by me. I only served her cause your sister likes shooting aliens and I'm not trying to die today," Darla said apologetically.

Kara forgot herself for a moment as her mind flashed back to the rescue mission; the shine of Lillian's gun and the words she'd whispered in her ear as she died, the feeling of kryptonite flooding her body and splitting her otherwise invincible skin. Alex took advantage of her lapse in concentration to reach around Kara's side and grab her drink, spilling some of it. Kara instinctively turned to block her and Alex pushed her shoulder away, her hands closing over the glass.

Kara winced and relinquished her hold on the cup, pressing her hand to her chest a few inches in from her shoulder. Alex immediately sobered up.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I forgot." Alex set her drink down and bit her lip. "I ruin everything," she said miserably, her hands hovering awkwardly in the space between them halfway to helping Kara.

"It's fine," Kara waved her off with a grimace. "It's just sore. Sam told me to get some rest but—"

"Sam knew you were awake and didn't tell me?"

"I told her not to. I wanted to see for myself if you really were...here," Kara finished lamely with a look at the bar around them. She dropped her hand and looked Alex in the eye. "I hoped—I thought that maybe you didn't—I believed in you, Alex."

Something inside Alex shut down at Kara's words. "You know what," she started angrily, "I'm really tired of everyone expecting me to be perfect all the time. I had to turn my life around to raise you; I had to give up my friends, my family, my whole world just to make sure the alien freak that dropped from the sky felt comfortable on her new planet. And then," her voice cracked, "I break up with the love of my life and people are _mad_ at _me_ for wanting to forget about everything. And it's not just what's going on with Maggie, it's everything. I thought you were dead, _dead,_ for every minute of that flight, Kara. Seven hours is a fucking long time to think your sister's dead. Sam probably hates me and Lena—she—" Alex broke off and reached for the drink she'd wrestled away from Kara, but one look at her sister's stormy expression stopped her. "You have no idea what a long day it's been," she said tiredly, "so just leave me alone."

Kara had listened patiently and as Alex finished, she crossed her arms. "Are you done?"

Alex closed her eyes. "Sure."

Kara took a deep breath then started, her voice getting faster as she spoke. "You want to talk about being perfect? Not meeting expectations? I failed to save Lena for over a week and every time I turn on the news I'm reminded of it. Every time I think of what happened to her, I want to kick myself. I heard her, Alex. I was asleep, but I could hear her screaming and every time you said 'almost there', or 'this is the last one', I prayed to Rao that maybe this time you really meant it. I could hear her broken bones moving in her body, scraping against each other. But I didn't need super hearing to let her screams filter into my nightmares. And _that's_ what woke me up, Alex. You weren't there, but Sam was. Lena was crying and shaking and thrashing back and forth and in pain, so much pain, and where were you? Downing your fourth? Fifth? Ninth?" Kara's chest heaved as she paused; her sister opened her mouth but Kara steamrolled on before she could say anything. "Maybe you should stop thinking about yourself for a second, Alex," she said bitterly, tears shining in her eyes. "If you want to be alone, fine, I'll leave you alone. I'm going back to sit with Lena." Kara shot her sister a disgusted look but Alex was at a loss for words, so she turned on her heel and walked away. She knew Alex was always hard on herself, but this was ridiculous. Taking the blame for everything, using it as an excuse to drink—it broke Kara's heart to see the look in her sister's eyes when she'd turned away, but after years of coddling Alex's drinking, she didn't know what else would work. With a sigh, she headed back to the DEO, pressing a hand to the healed wound. _Just because it's gone doesn't mean you can't feel it._

* * *

"What do you think you're doing?" Maggie slurred. Roger Collins was trying to push past her and into her apartment.

"Where's your little girlfriend?" He stuck his head inside.

"Alex isn't little," she said indignantly. "And she's not my girlfriend. Anymore. Maybe. It's complicated." She squinted at him and saw with annoyance that he was smiling.

"I knew it," he said triumphantly. He stood up straighter and Maggie took a step back; he was taller than she expected and he used her hesitation as an opening, forcing his way across the threshold.

"Dude, get out." Maggie shoved on his chest but was met with a hard wall of muscle that didn't budge. "Are you seriously flexing right now? Douche." She gave him another push and his hands came up, trapping her forearms in a steel grip.

Maggie tried to pull away but he wouldn't release her. "Let me go." She met his gaze and her heart started to race with anxiety; he had a predatory gleam in his eyes that sent her back to her days as a child, watching animal television programs on her father's crappy cable TV.

" _See, mija? That look the lion has? That's the look of a hunter about to strike."_

" _How can you tell?" Young Maggie looked at her father in wonder; he always knew everything about the animals they watched on TV._

" _The way he holds his body. He's ready to pounce, ready to kill."_

" _But papa, what if the antelope gets away?" She looked at him curiously. "What if he doesn't catch it?"_

" _He won't get away. That look says 'you're mine'. It may take some hard work and effort, but that lion will fight for what is his. Fight to the death. This is the way of the animals, Margarita, and therefore the way of men."_

 _Prey._ That's how Collins was looking at her right now; he was the massive predator and she was his chosen meal. "Get out." She swallowed nervously. He ignored her and stepped forward, his hands still wrapped around her forearms. She stumbled back and tried to pull her arms away again, unsuccessfully. "Collins, get out." Her voice shook and she wondered where Ruby had gone. As she opened her mouth to tell him to leave for a third time, she heard Gertrude running down the hall, her claws scrabbling against the hardwood floors. Seeing the awkward, standoffish position Maggie was in, she started to bark; high-pitched yelps that startled Collins for a moment before he regained his bearings and kicked her, sending her flailing out the door. He closed it with his foot, locking the puppy outside and them inside, and Maggie felt her heart rise into her throat.

"Do you know why we've always been...intertwined? Why I've always been there for every step of your career?" His icy blue eyes searched her face for an answer she didn't have.

"Because you're crazy. I don't know, we were in the same class." Maggie tried yanking her arms back but he stepped forward and she lost her balance. Keeping one hand around her wrists, he wrapped the other around her waist and pulled her close. Her breath caught in panic and she turned her head away from his penetrating gaze.

"We were in the same class," he agreed, "but I had to specifically request a transfer from another precinct."

"What are you talking about?" Maggie squirmed in his arms but he grabbed her jaw and forced her to look him in the eye.

"I wasn't supposed to work in National City, but I came here for you. Are you really telling me you don't feel the same way?"

"You're delusional," she said with difficulty; his hand was clamped around her mouth painfully and it made it hard for her to speak.

"I'm not delusional, _Margarita_." Gertrude started to bark from the outside hall and Collins shoved Maggie down the hall away from the doorway; she stumbled backwards, tripping over her own feet, and only his arm around her waist kept her from falling over. "I'm not delusional," he said again. "I'm in love with you."

Despite her anxiety, Maggie snorted. "In love with me? You know I'm gay, right?"

"No you aren't," he said in a low voice. "You shot me so many looks during training and we were always paired up together."

"We were paired up together because we were the top two students, and I always looked over to make sure I was scoring higher than you." They were slowly inching into Maggie's bedroom and she prayed that Ruby wasn't there. She had no idea what to say to Collins to make him leave, and she wasn't sober enough to try to talk him down, but as the bed got closer and closer she decided to give it a shot. "Roger, let's talk about this for a second. What are you planning to do?"

"I don't know yet." He tangled his hand in her hair and yanked her head back and she gasped more in surprise than pain. He pushed her down onto the bed and she fought back the rising panic, trying to keep her voice steady.

"You don't want to do this. You should just walk away before you do something you regret." Maggie twisted around and tried to force him away but he had lowered himself onto her legs and she felt trapped. "Roger," she said breathlessly, "I can't—what are you doing!?"

"Shut up," he said menacingly then crashed his face into hers. She tried to pull away in disgust but there was nowhere to go but the bed, and he followed her down, pressing into her. She could feel him through her pants and every cell in her body screamed at her to fight her way out, but she didn't have any leverage. "You know you want me," he hissed, ripping her pants off. "God you smell amazing."

"Stop—Collins, stop! Wait, please!" Her heart was pounding and she couldn't catch her breath. _He's going to rape me,_ she realized with horror. _He isn't going to stop. This can't be happening. This can't be happening to me._ "Stop," she choked out but her plea fell on deaf ears. She felt him lift her body up and turn it over but to her it seemed like it was happening to someone else, someone a million miles away. Goosebumps raised along her leg as he pulled her pants off and she closed her eyes, giving in.

"Fuck, yes," Roger groaned as he moved back and forth. "Oh my god."

Maggie's head fell sideways and her eyes roamed the walls. She counted the flowers on her wallpaper as the bed shook under her and prayed for it to end.


	22. 22) Waking Up (TW)

Alex stumbled her way out of the cab and slammed the door shut, ignoring the rude sign the driver made and entered Maggie's building. She closed her eyes on the ride up to the fourth floor, fighting the urge to vomit as the elevator ground to a halt.

The first thing she noticed when she stepped out the doors was the sound of barking. "Gertrude? Is that you?" she called as she rounded the corner, her voice adopting the higher pitch of someone talking to a dog or a small child. "Hey girl. What're you doing out here?" She reached down to pet her dog but the black lab growled at her and snapped her jaws at Alex's unfamiliar smell. Alex stood up, steadying herself against the wall. She let out a burp and wrinkled her nose at the taste of digested liquor, then looked at Maggie's door. It was closed and when she tried the handle it was locked, but it was bizarre that Gertrude was out in the hallway and Maggie was nowhere to be seen. Alex leaned her back against the wall across from the door and exhaled loudly. She glanced around, waiting for Maggie to come walking down the hall.

 _Hey, whatever I said the other night, I didn't mean it._

She shook her head, muttering to herself. That was a weak excuse for breaking up with someone, and it proved she didn't even remember doing it.

 _I know I said the wrong thing, but we can figure this out._

 _Please come home._

 _I love you._

She was distracted by a tugging on her pant leg and looked down to see Gertrude gnawing at the bottom hem of her jeans. "What's wrong?" she asked curiously. Now that she had Alex's attention, the puppy bounded across the hall and let out a sharp yap, butting her head against Maggie's door. "You're right, it's weird that she isn't home," Alex agreed. She wondered if Maggie had sorted out her work issue with her colleague. A voice from inside made her step up to the door, her eyebrows knitting in concentration.

"Get up, bitch!"

Alex's hand immediately went to the DEO gun at her hip, her left hand reaching in her pocket for her keys. Cursing Sam for making her leave her own gun in her house, she fumbled with the lock for a few frustrating moments before turning the knob and opening the door. Gertrude shot past her and made a beeline for the kitchen, and as Alex stumbled across the threshold after her she saw Ruby crouching down behind the counter.

"Ruby. Are you—is—" Alex switched the safety of her gun on and knelt down, her movements slightly uncoordinated. _I didn't drink_ that _much,_ she thought to herself. _Pull it together, Alex. This is a kid._ "Why are you hiding?"

"Maggie," Ruby said in a scared voice. "You have to help her."

"I will. I'm—just stay right here, okay? And call—" Alex hesitated. The first person she thought to call was her sister, but Kara wasn't speaking to her. Sam was at Lena's bedside, and she couldn't have J'onn see her like this. "Just stay here." She brought her gun up to eye level and shook her head in an attempt to clear it, the booze making her thoughts fuzzy. She didn't know if going in guns blazing was the right idea, but Maggie was in some unknown danger and Alex wasn't taking any chances. She slowly edged around the corner but at the sound of a slap and a cry—Maggie's cry—she ripped the door open, her gun ready.

She froze. Her finger tightened on the trigger and her mind struggled to process what she was seeing.

There was a man in the bed. A man in the bed she shared with Maggie. He was naked from the waist down and crouching over someone lying flat on the bed. Another beat and Alex saw Maggie's hair fanned out on the duvet; a twisting in her gut told her that the two pairs of pants on the ground weren't supposed to be there. Maggie's eyes were open and she was looking at Alex without a hint of recognition.

The man looked up as Alex entered, his blonde hair bobbing as his head turned. "Look who came to play," he sneered, not at all daunted by the fact that Alex had a gun trained on him. "Wanna join in?" His lip curled up in a sneer and he slid away from Maggie. "At least I used a condom," he added in a casual tone. "'Making love, wear a glove', or whatever the saying is."

Alex had instinctually averted her eyes but at Collins' nonchalant tone she snapped out of her shocked state. The gun hit the floor at her feet as she threw herself forwards, taking him by surprise. He raised his hands up to cover his face as Alex's fists rained down from every angle. Her elbow caught the side of his nose with a satisfying crunch and blood erupted from his face, staining his shirt. He tripped and fell back and Alex followed him down, her knee in his stomach.

"You crazy bitch!" He started to fight back and his fist collided with the side of her head. She rolled off him and he pressed his advantage, using his weight to overpower her. "Two cunts in one day? I'll take it." He leered at her and his blood dripped onto her face, her neck. His hand gripped her jacket collar and he started to pull the fabric away from her body. Her fingers reached blindly across the floor for the gun, something, anything to fight him off. Feeling the cool metal under her fingertips, she seized the gun by the barrel and whipped it across Collins' face. He fell off of her, clutching his temple, and Alex resumed her attack. Her knee pinned him down while she beat him mercilessly; his face, his neck, his torso, anywhere she could reach, she landed a punch. Her vision had gone red and her throat had closed up.

She didn't know how much time had passed when someone's arms appeared in her peripheral vision, wrapping around her waist and yanking her off of Collins' now-unmoving body. A guttural yelling was echoing in her ears and someone was yelling her name.

"Alex! Alex! Stop fighting, it's me!" Sam's voice broke through the bloody fog in her head. "God damn you're strong. Hey! It's Sam, quit it!"

Alex drew a ragged breath and noticed that the yelling stopped. It took her a moment to realize she had been the one yelling and she looked down at her hands in disbelief. Her knuckles were raw and covered in blood; she couldn't tell whose. "Maggie," she choked out. At the name, Sam released her and Alex tumbled forward, falling to her knees. "Maggie, Maggie." Alex leaned her chin against the mattress. "I'm here." Her pulse pounded in her throat and she watched Maggie blink slowly. She looked at Alex silently with glazed-over eyes then turned away, but not before Alex saw the dried tear tracks down her face. Alex swallowed and opened her mouth but she didn't have anything to say. Her eyes flicked down to Maggie's exposed legs and she pulled her jacket off without hesitation, slipping it over Maggie's thighs. "Maggie," she said again softly.

"Jesus Christ, Alex. He's barely conscious." Sam was leaning over Roger Collins and had her fingers pressed to his throat. "I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure pulses are supposed to be stronger than this."

Alex didn't turn away from Maggie. "He deserved worse," she said coldly. "Tell him to get out."

"He'll go to the police. Alex, you can't just beat people up and leave them on the ground."

"He _is_ the police. And there's nothing he can say that won't land him in a prison cell for the next decade—longer, if I have anything to do with it." Alex's eyes were fixed on Maggie, who hadn't moved.

"I really don't know what to do in this situation." Sam stood up and looked over at Maggie's prone form. "Do we...call an ambulance?"

"I say let him bleed on the floor for a while."

"Not for him. For Maggie," Sam said carefully.

Alex's jaw clenched and she closed her eyes. "I don't know what she wants. Maybe at the hospital they can—I don't—" Her heart felt hollow and she couldn't finish her thought out loud.

On the bed, Maggie's arm moved and she drew a breath. "Shower," she mumbled, rolling over to face Alex.

At the sound of Maggie's voice, Alex let out a relieved breath. She held back tears as she leaned over her. "I don't know if that's the best—if that's what you should do, babe."

"Shower." Maggie's eyes were still closed as slowly propped herself up on one elbow. "I need a shower," she said in a stronger voice.

"I think you should come with me to the hospital," Alex said nervously. "Or at least the DEO—"

"Alex." Maggie looked Alex in the eyes. There was something off about her gaze, something missing that Alex couldn't name. "I just want a shower. Please." She didn't seem to notice Sam at all and she sat up, Alex's jacket wrinkling around her hips.

"Take it easy." Alex reached out a steadying hand but Maggie flinched away from her touch.

"Just..." Maggie's voice broke off and she winced. Alex hovered uncertainly, warring with herself. She didn't want to make Maggie more uncomfortable but she didn't know what she needed.

"I'm here," she said quietly, just to fill the silence. "Always."

Sam looked between the two women. Alex was staring wistfully at Maggie, who had pulled away from her. "Alex, can you go check on Ruby?"

"What? Shouldn't you, I mean—"

"Go do that," Maggie agreed readily. She wouldn't look at Alex and her voice was hoarse.

"But you—"

"Mom? Is everything okay?" Ruby's voice came from down the hall and Sam raised an eyebrow at Alex.

With a last look at Maggie, Alex stood up reluctantly. "If you need anything..." She moved slowly; she was crashing from adrenaline and feeling the drinks she'd pounded from earlier. "I'll be out here." She shot Sam a hurt look before leaving the room.

Sam heard Alex talking to Ruby then walked around the bed and sat on the ground, looking up at Maggie. She wasn't sure what Alex would say to her daughter, but she trusted her to say the right thing. "Hey."

"Hey." Maggie's eyes were dead and her face had stayed impassive throughout her whole interaction with Alex, but her body had relaxed the second Alex had left the room.

"Why'd you send Alex away?" Sam eyed Maggie's cheek. It was red, like someone had slapped her, and there was a bruise forming on her collarbone.

"You suggested it."

"You agreed," Sam countered.

Something in Maggie's countenance shifted and she looked down. "I couldn't...I don't want her to see me like this," she said brokenly.

"Because you broke up?"

"We didn't break up." Maggie sighed, not meeting Sam's gaze. "She does that all the time; she gets drunk and says shit and I always forgive her."

Sam bit her lip. "Well maybe you two can have a chat about that later. But for now, I think you should come with me."

"Where?"

"The hospital." Sam noticed that while they'd been talking, Maggie had wrapped her arms around her stomach. She didn't comment on it but stood up slowly, afraid of frightening Maggie.

Maggie didn't move but she looked up at Sam. "Why?"

Sam swallowed. "Because you need someone to look at you. Just in case..." She was surprised that Maggie asked why, as a police officer she assumed she would know what to do in this situation but trauma had a funny way of messing with peoples' instincts.

"I don't want anyone to see me." Maggie shuddered and shook her head. "I just want a shower."

Sam was at a loss. There was a multitude of reasons for Maggie to go with her, but none of them would help the situation by being said out loud. "Maggie, you're a cop. You know what you should...do," Sam said carefully.

Maggie didn't answer her, she just stared blankly at the floor. "I just want to shower," she said again.

"How about you come with me and I'll—I'll help you clean up and get, um, checked out, and then we'll go—we'll figure something out," Sam stuttered, not sure where Maggie would want to go. "Can I help you up?" she asked gently.

Maggie gave in, nodding robotically. She was too tired to think anymore; the part of her that wanted to crawl into a hole and die had frozen her jaw and flooded her body with ice and the other part knew she should get up and go with Sam but her muscles wouldn't respond. She felt Sam's hand on her shoulder and her entire body tensed but she didn't pull away like she had with Alex. She allowed herself to be guided off the bed, Sam's voice echoing emptily in her ears. The things Collins had said to her, the words he had uttered while he was on top of her, they were running around the back of her mind.

 _Liar. Cunt._

 _No one will believe you._

 _Slut._

 _You want this. You need this._

And perhaps the worst of all, ' _This is what love is, Margarita.'_

Sam was waving a hand in front of her face and Maggie blinked, looking up. She felt sick watching Sam's hand moving back and forth and closed her eyes. "What?" she mumbled.

"Pants. I have your pants." She held up Maggie's jeans and helped slip them on, careful not to touch Maggie any more than necessary.

On the floor, Collins groaned. Sam's head snapped around and her eyes narrowed. "Alex!" she called out after deliberating for a moment.

Alex appeared in the doorway instantaneously. "What's wrong? What is it?"

"Take him down to the police station," Sam pointed at Collins. "And don't pull anything. You're in enough trouble as it is."

Alex bent down and seized Collins' arm, dragging him halfway across the floor as he struggled to get up.

"Fucking dyke," he spat at her, blood dripping from his mouth. "I'll ruin you."

Alex's face thundered and she dropped him to the ground with a thud. She looked down at him like he was something disgusting she had found on the bottom of her shoe, then brought her leg up, slamming her heel into the back of his hand and grinding it into the floor.

Collins let out a stream of curses and rolled away as Alex trained her gun on him. "Get up," she said coldly, "Or I swear I'll kill you." Maggie had looked up at her when Collins had yelled and was scrutinizing her face. She was applying what she knew about micro-expressions to Alex, and she was scared to see there was nothing in Alex's face to suggest that she was carried away by emotion. Her eyes were cold and calculating and her jaw was set like she had already decided what she was going to do.

Thankfully, Collins took her threat seriously and staggered to his feet, his injured hand hanging limply.

"Leave Ruby here," Sam added as Alex walked him out. "I don't want her to see this."

"She's in the bathroom," Alex said over he shoulder. She still hadn't looked at Maggie; she felt her eyes on her and wanted so badly to comfort her but she focused on the barrel of her gun.

"I need a doctor," Collins said in a pained voice.

"You need a lobotomy." Alex pressed the gun into his back and they left the apartment.

* * *

Maggie flushed the toilet and groaned, the sick feeling lingering in her stomach. It had been hours, hours since Collins had knocked on her door, hours since she had left the hospital with Sam. She had shown up on Alex's doorstep still in the hospital gown and Alex had been quick to let her in and lend her some clothes, but Maggie had slipped into the bathroom and locked the door. She had stripped off the gown and lain against the cool tile floor; she could still feel him around her, still smell the cologne that he had applied too heavily, still remember how it felt when he was inside her. She had the feeling that she had done something wrong, that she was dirty. Guilt was knotting her stomach and she felt like throwing up again. Her hands were shaking and she could feel her throat closing up, the urge to retch taking over her senses. Resting her head on the toilet seat, she was grateful for the cool porcelain. She didn't care that it was an uncomfortable position, didn't care that her face was inches from the toilet water, didn't care that her naked body was freezing. She felt numb, disgusted with herself, sick. She slipped down to the floor; the cool marble felt amazing and she lay there for a few minutes until she heard Alex calling her name in the apartment. She knew Alex would be worrying about her, and rightfully so, but Maggie couldn't focus on anything but keeping herself from puking. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down. The rest of the world blurred together and disappeared; all she could hear was her own harsh breathing and all she could smell was the cleaning solution Alex used on the floor. Her stomach roiled and she closed her eyes.

 _Disgusting._

 _Sick._

 _You're screwed up._

"Maggie! Are you in there?!"

Maggie lifted her head off the floor and opened her mouth to call out to Alex that she was alright, that she would be out in a minute, but her mouth felt like it was full of cotton and a wave of vertigo sent her back down to the floor. She started to crawl to the door but her arms felt like lead and her stomach clenched; she curled up in a fetal position and closed her eyes. She could hear Alex banging on the door but it sounded like it was from far away and she couldn't raise her head.

Alex was pounding on the bathroom door. "Maggie? Maggie, let me in." The handle rattled as she tried to force it open. "Maggie, let me help you." Through the door she heard Maggie let out a quiet sob then fall silent; at the noise Alex's knocking grew more frantic. "Maggie, please!" When she was met with silence yet again, Alex stepped back. "I swear I'm going to kick in this door," she warned, "so stay..." Alex's words died in her throat. The door had swung open and she was met with the sight of Maggie, half-raised off the tiles, completely naked. The effort of opening the door seemed to take everything out of her and her hand fell to the ground, her barely open eyes searching for Alex's face.

"Maggie!" Alex dropped to her knees. "I—I thought you were showering but then I didn't hear the water running and I thought, I don't know what I thought—do you want me to help you up?" Alex caught herself rambling and took a breath. "What do you need?"

"Just a shower," Maggie said softly. She hadn't gotten the chance at the hospital; the second the doctor had finished her examination she'd wanted to put as much space between her and the antiseptic smell and fluorescent lighting as possible, telling Sam to drop her off at Alex's apartment. Sam hadn't objected, silently driving her back and dropping her off at Alex's door. She heard Sam explaining to Alex that Maggie wanted to stay with her and that she didn't really consider them broken up, not after a few days, but none of the words really reached her ears and it was like someone was speaking to her from underwater.

"Shower. Okay, shower." Alex turned the water on, testing the temperature with her hand. Her water always took a while to warm up, which was one of the reasons she took cold showers in the morning. "Can you sit up?" Maggie didn't move from her spot on the floor, staring at the water rushing out of the tap. "Come on, babe." Alex carefully slid her arms around Maggie's chest and pulled her into a standing position. Maggie's legs shook and Alex wondered if she would need help getting into the shower but Maggie stepped over the edge of the tub and stood on her own. "Do you need anything else, Mags?" Her girlfriend stared at her blankly; there was no hint of Maggie's usually carefree smile and her brown eyes were still strangely hollow. Maggie's arm raised and Alex held her own hand out expectantly, but Maggie just pulled the shower curtain across, breaking their eye contact.

"I'm...I'll just go make you something to eat." Alex stepped back and swallowed. Maggie didn't respond and Alex headed for the kitchen, reluctant to leave her alone. She left the bathroom door ajar and listened to the water running as she put a pot of coffee on. Not sure what to make, she started pulling things out of the pantry for a sandwich. She couldn't eat, but no doubt Maggie hadn't put anything in her stomach in almost a day. She grabbed a knife and pulled a tomato out from her vegetable box—she avoided vegetables like the plague but she'd gotten a box for them when it became apparent that Maggie would be spending a lot of time in her apartment. Her hands shook as she started to slice into the tomato.

 _I need a drink._

 _ **Slice.**_

 _No you don't._

 _ **Slice.**_

 _Just one. Just one to calm your nerves._

 _ **Slice.**_

 _What about Maggie?_

"Shit!" Alex jerked her left hand away from the chopping board as blood dripped down, her hands shaking so hard that she left an inch long cut by the base of her thumb. She held her hand over the sink watching the drops spatter the metal sink with morbid fascination. Her right hand reached for a paper towel to press against the cut but a noise from the bathroom caught her attention. "Mags?" Alex ran to the bathroom door. "Maggie?" She stuck her head in but couldn't hear anything besides the water running and she was about to call out again when she heard the same noise. It was an unmistakeable noise; the same noise that Alex had heard when Maggie worked a tough case that involved a family being killed or when she took her to the zoo for their third date and Maggie had gotten emotional at the sight of all the animals in cages. Maggie was crying. Alex hurried to the edge of the shower, dripping blood across the floor. "Mags!?" She pulled the curtain away with a rough yanking motion to see Maggie sitting on the floor of the tub, her arms wrapped around her knees which were pulled into her chest. "Babe, it'll be okay." Alex deliberated for half a second then got into the tub fully clothed, sitting behind Maggie. Her clothes soaked through in moments but she ignored it, pulling Maggie into her arms. She didn't know what to say so she just held her, feeling her sob as the water pelted her face. Under the hot water, Maggie's skin was still cold to the touch and Alex saw her blood mixing and swirling down the drain under her leg. She couldn't feel the cut anymore but every drop of water that hit her reminded her that she had failed.

"Alex?" Maggie's voice broke the silence and she leaned back, her body relaxing.

"Yeah?" Alex said warily.

"We're okay, right?" Maggie rested her head back on Alex's shoulder.

The back of the tub was uncomfortable against her spine but Alex didn't complain. "Of course. Of course we're okay," she said, not really believing herself. "We're together."

"Alex?" Maggie turned and Alex saw with some relief that there was emotion in her eyes; the flecks of green around the edges were brighter and her eyebrows were slightly raised.

"Yes babe?"

"I don't want to—I don't want you to think that I'm...weak. It may seem like it, but I don't want it to. I—what I'm trying to say is, if—"

"Maggie, you aren't weak," Alex said softly. "You're strong, stronger than I am, but I promise I'll always be there for you even when you don't think you need it. Always."

"I just know you're dealing with—I, I'm not—I don't want to add on to—"

"Shhh." Alex pulled her closer and Maggie let out a shaky breath. She couldn't tell if the water on Maggie's face was more from the shower or her tears, but her body had ceased its uncontrollable shaking.

Maggie was silent for a moment and Alex had to strain her ears to hear her mumbled words over the sound of water. "Thank you." Two simple words. Two words that meant the world to Alex; Alex who would do anything for the people in her life, who would cheat and lie and kill and steal for the people she loved.

They sat there until Alex's cut stopped bleeding and the water ran clear down the drain. They sat there until the water wasn't enough to keep them warm and they relied on the other's body heat, until both of them were stiff from staying in the same position. They sat in silence, feeling each other breathing and taking comfort in the fact that it was just the two of them, safe, together; everything else in the world didn't exist beyond their bathroom door and all the evil in the world couldn't touch them in that moment.

* * *

Kara was a wreck. She was sitting all alone by Lena's bedside waiting for her to wake up—Sam had taken Ruby home when it had gotten late, telling her they'd visit the next day. She had waited for hours, holding her breath, expecting Lena to wake up at any moment but the clock had ticked and the seconds stretched into minutes stretched into hours, her shoulders had drooped and she'd rested her head on her arms on the edge of Lena's bed. Every time Lena twitched in her sleep Kara's head shot up, but so far she had only been met with disappointment. Her thoughts pin balled between Lena and her sister; whenever she thought about Alex, the sight of Lena drew all of her attention back to the present, and whenever she lost herself in worrying about Lena, she felt guilty for forgetting about her sister.

An idea struck her and she reached out to touch Lena's hand, suddenly nervous that it would wake her up even though that was what she was hoping for, and she closed her eyes as her hand brushed Lena's. Relief flooded her body at the feeling of Lena's skin, her presence, that meant that she was here, she was right there in front of Kara. She felt tears slipping down her cheeks and didn't move to wipe them away, instead she started to cry. As each sob worked its way through her body, she shuddered and had to bite the inside of her cheek to keep silent.

"Kara..."

She sat up abruptly, her hand gripping Lena's. "Lena!" It was the first word she'd said since she'd left Alex at the bar and her voice was hoarse. She cleared her throat and repeated herself in a softer tone. "Lena?"

The brunette's head twitched to the side and her eyes darted around beneath her eyelids, but she didn't say another word. She groaned quietly and Kara sat forward in her chair, her breath hitching in her chest. _Please, Rao. Open your eyes._ She waited for another minute before sighing and sitting back, her shoulders slumping further. Her hand still held Lena's but her head dipped down, fatigue getting the better of her.

Unbeknownst to her, Lena's eyes had opened as she'd put her head down. There was a moment of panic and she pulled of the oxygen mask, but it was quelled by the opiates in her bloodstream; her vision was hazy and she could barely make out the blur of Kara's blonde hair, but when she recognized it her eyes widened fractionally. Memories of screams and pain swirled around her mind but it was like trying to catch a leaf in a wind storm; she would focus on one and then it would be ripped away, her mind too weak to follow. She didn't know where she was but as her vision cleared her heart warmed to see that Kara seemed to have fallen asleep holding her hand. Her eyes started to close again but something nagged at the back of her mind.

"Kara?" Her tongue felt thick and slow and her eyes were slitted, but she saw Kara jerk up at the sound of her voice. "Supergirl. Kara..."

"Lena! Oh, Rao, Lena. I'm so glad you're awake. Are you—you know who I am, right?" Kara sounded out of breath and she looked at the clock as she leaned over her friend. Two in the morning—there weren't many people around. She reached for her phone to text Sam, then slid it back in her pocket; she selfishly wanted a moment with Lena to herself and she knew Sam would show up at a moment's notice.

"Kara." Lena turned her head to the side and Kara wrung her hands, not sure how much Lena should be moving around. All her bones were in the early stages of healing, they had just been set properly a few hours ago.

"Yes, it's me, it's Kara! Supergirl—Supergirl saved you."

"No," Lena shook her head. "No!" She tried to sit up and Kara had to push her back down, afraid to injure her further.

"What's wrong? You need to lie down, you need rest, Lena. What you've been through—I can't even imagine. You need to sleep, I'm sure Supergirl will visit you soon."

"Murderer." Lena tried to focus on Kara's eyes, the blue in them standing out against the blurriness of her face. She needed to know that Supergirl wasn't who she thought she was, that she was a cold-blooded killer, that it wasn't safe to get close to her. "She's a murderer."

"What? No, I—she saved you. She saved you, she brought you back to me." Kara's brow knit and she pulled back from Lena.

Lena reached out to take Kara's hand but misjudged the distance; thankfully, Kara understood what she wanted and grasped her hand. "She..." Lena wracked her brain for the words through the fog of the drugs that were being pumped into her. She reached for the IV but Kara stopped her.

"You need that. It's for the pain." She looked at Lena worriedly. _Is this the drugs or her waking up? Or is it from the torture?_ It hurt her to think the words to herself and she watched Lena struggle to come to terms with her surroundings.

Lena's eyes closed. "She killed my mother."

Kara inhaled sharply and Lena's hand fell out of hers. The sound of gunshots and the smell of blood flashed through her mind and she sat down heavily. She had vague memories of pain and blood but didn't have a clear timeline of what had happened. After the first bullet everything was shrouded in metallic smells and a ringing in her ears; she remembered hearing a second bullet whiz through the air and hit metal, then tossing Alex out of the way and the pain of the third bullet burying itself in her lung. The only other thing she could recall was Lillian snarling in her ear before a fourth gunshot.

 _You'll never be good enough for my daughter. You betray her every time you don't tell her your secret. You'll let her down like everyone else._

"Are you sure?" Kara's voice shook and she pushed her glasses up her nose.

"I know what I saw," Lena said with sudden vigor. Her jaw clenched and Kara flinched away from her, at a loss for words.

"I'm sure it's a misunderstanding, but you should really get some rest." Kara pulled the blanket up and looked away, her heart feeling heavier somehow after Lena had woken up. She had been waiting for Lena to wake up and to console her, but nothing could have prepared her for this. She didn't know what to say or what to do with herself and she was at a crossroads—did she defend Supergirl to Lena and potentially make an enemy of her best friend, or did she agree with Lena and go against herself? Either way she would end up betraying someone, whether it was Lena or herself. Lillian was right; Lena could never find out that she was Supergirl, it would break her. It was a bitter pill to swallow but Kara forced it down. "I'll keep her away from you. Don't worry." Her bullet wounds ached as she spoke the words aloud but her lie was rewarded with Lena's sigh of relief.

"Good, good." Lena coughed and Kara forgot her worry as she grabbed a cup of water.

"Here, drink." Kara held the cup to her lips but Lena shied away from it, batting it with a hand.

"No." Lena looked afraid and Kara called to mind what Lillian had said when she'd first landed in the submarine.

" _The virus is supposed to have affected you by now. She's been drinking—"_

" _You made her_ drink _it? You are seriously deranged."_

"It's just water. I promise it's—look, I'll drink it." Kara took an exaggerated sip in Lena's view then held the cup out to her. "Drink. Please, it'll help. Trust me." Her voice broke on the word 'trust' but she held Lena's gaze.

Lena looked at her from under half-lidded eyes and slowly accepted the water. Her left hand shook as she brought it to her mouth and Kara supported the bottom of the cup as Lena took a small sip. "No more," she mumbled as Kara brought the cup to her lips again. "'M too tired."

"Okay. Okay, that's fine. Just rest." Kara smoothed Lena's hair and sat back, the cup resting in her lap. "You're safe."

"Don't leave," Lena mumbled, already slipping into unconsciousness.

"I won't. I'll stay here all night. What are friends for?" Kara listened sadly as Lena's breathing slowed and she fell asleep. Guilt gnawed at her heart and she closed her eyes. All the afternoons spent with Lena, all the brunches, the morning she woke up on her couch; it would all be gone the moment Lena found out the truth.

 _She can never find out,_ Kara vowed. _I have to put Lena above everything else. She can never find out._


	23. 230 Lena Recovers

Almost two weeks had passed since Lena had woken up in the DEO. The first week she was either asleep or in and out every few hours, but for the last several days she had been awake and talking. They had to keep her on a steady, alarmingly high dose of painkillers but aside from that, she seemed to have taken her ordeal rather well. J'onn had come in and explained the facility to her, and she hadn't been shocked at all. She'd had an inkling that the DEO or some equivalent had been in place for years, and suspected it was where she'd gone to test the Medusa virus; J'onn was just confirming her suspicions.

"I thought your sister was going to be here," she said to Alex who was looking over her charts.

"Sorry, guess she forgot. You're stuck with me." Alex glanced to her left. Maggie had been quiet lately but she'd followed Alex around everywhere. Only her, Sam and Kara knew what had happened and she hadn't spoken about it since. She had taken off work, understandably, and had been sleeping almost fifteen hours a day. She was napping in an empty bed next to Lena's, her body relaxed against the mattress in a way it hadn't been for days.

"What happened to her?" Lena followed her gaze.

"Nothing," Alex said quickly. Too quickly. "She's just tired." She turned back to the charts and put the clipboard down. "You look fine. Obviously you need to stay here longer but your blood work came back clean and everything else looks like it's returning to normal."

"Can't I just go home? I won't exactly be doing strenuous work."

"She'll head straight for the office. She's a workaholic."

"Kara!" Lena's face lit up. "Tell your sister to let me go," she pouted, "I won't go to the office.

"She's lying," Kara said to her sister, not looking at Lena. She couldn't tell if Alex was drunk but she had noticed her ducking away the last few weeks since they'd fought in the bar. They hadn't really spoken about it but Kara had been keeping an eye on her.

"That's rich, coming from you," Lena snorted.

Kara flushed and looked to Lena. "What do you mean?"

"You don't remember? You said you'd be here in the morning."

"Right. Right, I did." Kara adjusted her glasses and Lena raised an eyebrow at the nervous motion. "I was busy with, uh, work. The magazine."

"The magazine goes to print Thursday evenings, it's hitting the stands as we speak. What could you possibly be going over?" Lena teased, "Is my ace reporter trying to get ahead on a scoop?"

"You put my sister in charge. You should be glad she's doing your job for you," Alex cut in.

"I'd be the one doing it if you let me go," Lena said in an annoyed tone.

"Half the bones in your body were damaged. Excuse me for wanting to make sure you were alright before letting you waltz out of here." Alex checked the IV bag, closing the valve slightly. It was concerning how much morphine Lena needed before she didn't feel any pain from her injuries, but she was slowly being weaned off of it.

"Or you could just let me waltz out," Lena countered.

"And have Kara hunt me down for letting you leave early? No thanks."

"Guys! I'm right here. Can we just keep the fighting to a minimum?" Kara turned to her sister. "Lay of her, alright?" she muttered.

Alex held her hands up. "She started it!"

"Actually _you_ started it." Lena stretched her neck, not seeing Kara's eyes following her movements. "And can we get rid of this stupid thing?" She pointed to her right arm, which was in a sling.

"You dislocated her shoulder and broke your arm. That's staying on." Alex put a hand to her forehead in exasperation. "You're a horrible patient, you know that?"

"I'd be a better patient for your sister," Lena said casually.

Kara's eyes widened and her face turned red. "What?" she choked out as Alex cleared her throat loudly behind her.

"Oh, come on. The only way your sister will let me out of here is if you're the one taking care of me—god knows she doesn't trust _me;_ just tell her you'll watch me and I can be on my way."

"Ah." Kara schooled her features into a neutral expression. "Um."

"Are you okay? You look like you're about to sneeze."

Alex snorted and Kara narrowed her eyes at her sister. "You'd have to stay with me for real, though," she said to Lena, "I don't want you staying in your house alone."

"Because it's not safe? If you think my mother's going to come get me, you haven't been keeping up with the news. She's dead," Lena said in a detached manner.

Kara looked at the floor. "I know. I just wanted to say again, I'm so sorry—"

"Stop apologizing. It's nice that _someone_ is, but you aren't the person I want saying sorry. It's Supergirl." Lena clenched her jaw. "I know what I saw," she cut off Kara's objection. "She lunged for my mother, a gun went off, and Lillian ended up dead."

"And yet you still like guns," Alex muttered.

"Guns aren't the problem. It's the people who get their hands on them, the people who think they can play god with no regard for the consequences. On its own, a gun is just a hunk of metal. In the hands of an unstoppable alien?...And I don't see you giving up your gun in favor of public safety," Lena said pointedly.

"Alex is trained. She knows what she's doing, and when she draws her gun it's to keep people safe, not to kill them." Kara saw Alex balk and rose to her defense, closing ranks against any threat to her sister, even from Lena. "And if she didn't have her gun, she'd be dead by now."

"Fine." Lena surrendered, not used to seeing Kara any degree of riled up. She liked the bite of fire behind the reporter's usually happy, easy-going attitude.

"Fine," Kara agreed. "So you'll stay with me, I've decided," she said after an awkward pause.

"Can I take the sling off if I do?"

"No. You aren't leaving this building without a guarantee that it's staying on." Alex pointed a finger at her. "If you're going to weasel your way out of here, it goes with you. And take these painkillers. _And_ ," she said with a glance at Kara as Lena took the bottle she held out, "if anything starts to feel worse or, I don't know, your body just stops working, don't ignore it. Tell Kara, or me, or literally anyone. Don't hide it just because you don't want to get stuck in a hospital bed."

"Sure, sure." Lena threw the pill bottle in her bag; Kara had gone to her house and grabbed some new clothes and an overnight bag. Her assistant had managed getting her a new phone and the press, telling them that Lena Luthor had returned and was taking some personal time for a family matter. Shortly after, the news that Lillian Luthor had been killed was released, but no one knew any details and Lena had yet to publicly comment on it. "I'll let you know if I suddenly can't move." She pulled her IV out with a wince and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

"Hang on. I have to go to work for the rest of the day, I can't just leave—"

"Kara, you're in charge of the company. You can take half a day off, especially if it's Friday. Is your car outside?" Lena stood up, her bare feet making her several inches shorter than the Danvers sisters.

"I didn't take a car here," Kara said without thinking.

Lena rolled her eyes. "Tell me you didn't take the bus."

Kara's mind blanked and she looked to her sister for help. "Why would she take a bus to a top secret facility? She walked, it's good exercise," Alex said defensively.

"Walked. Yup, and—exercise. But I can call the car to some place close by," Kara offered.

"That seems...unwise," Lena said slowly. She could sense something was off with Alex's explanation the same way she knew Alex had lied when she'd said there was nothing wrong with Maggie.

"I'll take you home," Alex said easily. "I left some stuff there a few weeks ago and never got the chance to swing by and pick it up." She knew Maggie had left the duffle bag of alcohol somewhere in Kara's apartment, but her hope was that Kara would be too caught up with Lena to notice if a bottle or two went missing. "We can take Maggie's car, I used it to get here."

"What about Maggie?" Lena said with a glance at the still-sleeping cop. She had turned her back to the noise as she slept, pulling the blanket higher to cover her body.

"She'll stay asleep. She's been staying up most nights, so she could use the rest." Alex walked by Kara and put her hand on her shoulder. "I'll be in the car." The door closed behind her, leaving Kara to fidget under Lena's gaze.

"What's wrong?" Lena tilted her head.

"Nothing. There's just—a lot going on." Kara picked up Lena's bag and slung it over her shoulder. "Do you need help getting to the car?"

"I can manage." Lena took a step forwards but stumbled, her muscles not strong enough to support her from weeks of going unused. Kara rushed in and slid an arm around Lena's waist, pulling her up easily before she could fall. "Thanks," Lena said breathlessly. Kara's arm had jarred her ribs but she didn't want to say anything in case it made her move away.

"Mmhmm." Kara didn't look at her, helping her down to the garage. Alex was waiting in the driver's seat, the car idling, and she tossed Lena's bag into the backseat. "Maggie's still asleep," she said to her sister. She had heard Maggie mumbling inaudibly but her heartbeat hadn't changed when they'd left.

"Thanks." Alex leaned over and opened the passenger door for her sister. Kara helped Lena into the car, fastening her seatbelt carefully, then got into the front. "So do you want me to hang out with you for a while?" Alex pulled out of the garage.

"You can. Do you need to get back to Maggie?" Kara put her hand on the armrest between them and Alex held her hand, driving with the other.

"She's been sleeping so much and she still hasn't talked to me. Sam says the other night she called her but didn't say anything, then hung up after a few minutes."

Lena stared out the window, trying to pretend she wasn't listening. Ruby had gone back to her boarding school after Lillian had been declared dead; she, Sam and Ruby had decided it was the best way for Ruby to avoid getting swept up a media storm in National City. Sam was staying to work for Lena, still running L-Corp in her absence and Kara was starting to back off her responsibilities as CEO now that Lena had returned.

"Do you think I should try talking to her?"

Alex shrugged, automatically turning left towards her own apartment out of habit. "Ugh. This light is impossible. I'll just turn around here, wait a second." Without letting go of Kara's hand, Alex made a sharp u-turn and straightened the car. "What did you say?"

"I asked if maybe I should talk to Maggie."

"I'm not against it, but what would you even say?" Alex glanced at her sister then back to the road. She saw the turn off for her AA meeting place and her foot pressed the gas pedal down nervously; Kara's hand tightened around hers as the car accelerated.

"What's wrong?" Kara looked at her sister in concern. When Alex shook her head and didn't answer, she went back to talking about Maggie. "I'd say...it's not her fault. And he'll get what's coming to him, if you didn't already make him regret doing it." She saw Lena's eyes had closed in the rearview mirror and switched topics. "But what about those Cadmus agents you've been interrogating? Have you gotten anything useful?"

"No. We've gone through about half of them and J'onn has been mind-wiping them as we release them. I just—I don't have time to be worrying about everything right now," Alex said exasperatedly. "With Maggie and Lena and Cadmus and you—"

"You don't have to worry about me," Kara smiled. "I'm fine. You should worry about yourself."

"Please, I'm always worried about you." Alex didn't address Kara's last comment. "What about what Lillian said to you?" Neither of them saw Lena's face twitch at her mother's name and Kara, who had been listening to her heartbeat, didn't hear a change—years of growing up in a house full of Luthors had taught Lena how to keep her entire body calm.

"About me and Lena? I don't even know what to do about that."

"What exactly did she say, again?" Alex drove by Kara's apartment building looking for a parking space.

"She said I'd never be good enough for Lena. That I'd let her down like everyone else, that I'm betraying her by not telling her everything. And now Lena hates Supergirl, so..." Kara's voice sunk to a whisper and Lena had to strain her ears to hear it, but her heartbeat sped up when she heard what her mother had said and Kara heard it. "Lena? Are you okay?" Alex parked the car as Kara twisted in her seat reaching for Lena's uninjured arm. Lena kept her eyes shut but she was thinking about how she regretted never giving her mother enough credit; that maybe she really did have her best interests at heart. "Lena? You're dreaming. Wake up."

Lena opened her eyes slowly and pretended to wake up, yawning for effect. "Kara?" she said in a voice that she hoped sounded sufficiently sleepy. "Where are we?"

"Home." Kara hurried to grab Lena's bag and help her out of the car. Alex led the way up to Kara's apartment and scanned the main room for her duffle bag, not seeing it as Kara nervously fluttered around getting Lena settled in.

"I'm going to use the bathroom real quick," Alex said before slipping down the hallway. She heard Kara turn the water on and off several times and Lena refusing a glass of water, taking the opportunity to slip into her sister's room. She knew intellectually that it was wrong but it didn't feel like it; to her, it felt like she was getting back something that was stolen from her. She peered into Kara's closet but it wasn't there, then she dropped to her knees quietly and looked under the furniture. It wasn't under the bed, which would have been too easy, but it was shoved behind the dresser. Alex unzipped the bag as quietly as possible and silently thanked whatever god was keeping Kara occupied—apparently Lena was her saving grace—as she maneuvered the top two bottles out of the bag. She knew her sister had super hearing and could catch her, but hearing a quiet laugh from Lena she smiled knowing Kara wouldn't be focused on anything but the other woman in her apartment. Alex's efforts got her an unopened bottle of tequila and half a bottle of scotch, and she closed the bag, shoving it back in place as quietly as she could before crossing the hall and going into the bathroom. She flushed the toilet and ran the tap for a while, taking her jacket off and wrapping it around the bottles before stepping back into the hallway.

"Tell her that her arm is still messed up," Kara said upon hearing her sister's footsteps getting closer. She didn't look up and Alex thanked Lena again for pulling Kara's focus.

"My arm is fine!" Lena said adamantly from Kara's couch.

"Your arm was fucked up two weeks ago. It'll take time to heal, genius," Alex smirked. "Anyway, I gotta get back to Maggie." She headed for the door.

"Wait, Alex." She froze as Kara spoke up. "Your t-shirt. I washed it." She let out a relieved breath as she took the shirt from Kara, keeping the wrapped up bottles to the side.

"Thanks. I'll see you. Call me if you need anything?" Alex closed the door, cutting off Kara's affirmative.

"She seems on edge," Lena commented as Kara rubbed her eyes.

"She's just dealing with a lot right now. We all are." Kara sat down at her counter and sighed. "Now what?"

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Is spending time with me that bad? I thought we were friends," she said jokingly.

"We are! I just have a lot to get done," Kara said defensively. It was hard for her to act normal around Lena knowing that she blamed Supergirl for her mother's death. "Are you sure I can't get you anything?"

"You can answer some questions for me," Lena said, taking her by surprise.

"Anything."

"Aren't you worried about your sister? She doesn't exactly have a decade of sobriety under her belt and it seems like there's some shit going on right now." Lena rested her head on the back of the couch and watched Kara's shoulders sag.

"I don't even know what's going on with her. After we brought you home, she..."

"We?"

Kara paused, deciding to tell half the truth. "I was already at the DEO," she admitted. "I wanted to help bring you back."

Lena bit her lip. "So you were working with Supergirl."

Kara closed her eyes. "Yes. To bring you home. Supergirl is the one who brought you back to me."

"Did you see her with Lillian?" Lena pressed.

"Look, she did what she had to. I don't know if I can agree with it since I wasn't there, but I know she wouldn't do something like...what you're accusing her of without a reason." Kara genuinely couldn't remember what had happened; maybe it really was her fault, maybe she did kill Lena's mother, maybe she pulled the gun out of Lillian's hand and fired it at her. She put her head in her hands and leaned on the countertop.

Seeing that Kara didn't want to talk about it, Lena cleared her throat and brought the conversation back. "So...what happened with your sister?'

"That's a whole other can of worms. I found her at a bar."

"Was she drunk?" Lena felt a twinge in her arm but dismissed it; she didn't like using painkillers because they clouded her judgement and her thinking, and she didn't want to bother Kara.

"Yeah. We argued. She's not taking care of herself, but I was hoping with Maggie she wouldn't have time to—to fall apart, not if she's worrying about someone else. I don't know what I was thinking." Kara got up and joined Lena on the couch.

"Right. And what happened with Maggie?" Lena said carefully. Something told her it was a secret for a reason; the hushed whispers and quick, one-word answers she'd gotten had confirmed it.

"She...it's not really...I mean, it's Maggie. I don't want go telling people about her without her permission, you know?"

"I understand. I just wish I could help," Lena said sympathetically. "You're all three of you under a lot of stress. Anything I can do to help you out, I'd be happy to." Her arm twinged again and she clenched her jaw, refusing to show her discomfort.

Kara picked up on the minuscule movement and narrowed her eyes. "You better not be in pain and trying to hide it from me."

"I'm fine." Lena bit her lip. "It's nothing."

"You also better not be lying to me. I'll drag my sister back here and she'll talk your ear off until you do what she says." Kara stood up and went over to Lena's bag. "Why'd you have to toss that bottle in here? It'll take me forever to find it."

"Don't worry about it," Lena said then groaned as she sat back. The drugs from earlier were wearing off and she was starting to feel her injuries.

"Lena, what hurts? Why didn't you say anything!?" Kara started pulling Lena's clothes out of the bag, frantically searching for the bottle.

"It's nothing," she lied again as Kara triumphantly brought out the bottle of pills. She hurried to get a glass of water and held it out to Lena.

"Lena, take this."

"I don't want to." Lena turned away, hiding her face from Kara.

Kara set down the pills and the glass and leaned towards her friend. "Please?"

"No, Kara."

Kara took a deep breath, trying to think of something to say. "I know you weren't raised in a house where you could really show your emotions," she started.

"That's saying something," Lena grimaced, adjusting her sling.

"But it's okay to feel things. It's okay to be in pain, to hurt. That's what it means to be human." Kara gently turned Lena's head and looked into her eyes. The striking blue and green that she was used to seeing was clouded over with pain and where she normally could read Lena's expression, there was a brick wall she couldn't see past. She could almost see Lena putting up the barriers around her, protecting herself from whatever she thought was threatening her. "Lena, it's okay. It's just me. What's wrong?" Kara scooted closer to the CEO, pressing their thighs together.

Lena's bottom lip trembled as she warred with herself. "It hurts," she said plainly. For a moment she was distracted by how close Kara was to her, but a ripple of pain hit her and she gasped, closing her eyes.

"It's just you and me. Tell me what's bothering you." Kara leaned closer, trying to see which injury could be bothering her, but the bullet wound in her lung made her suck in a breath and pull back. Lena picked up on it and narrowed her eyes, momentarily forgetting her own pain.

"What is it?" She raked her gaze up and don Kara's body but couldn't see anything wrong with her.

"It's nothing." Kara leaned over to pick up the pills and Lena gasped. "Lena?" she looked up in alarm.

"Where did you get that?" Lena pointed with her good arm to Kara's chest and Kara looked at her in confusion.

"Get what? My shirt?"

"That scar...it's...how have I never noticed it before?" Lena reached forward unconsciously and touched the spot right where the bullet had entered Kara's lung. A chill went through Kara's body and she looked down. Her shirt had slipped down her shoulder and left the area below her collarbone exposed. Shock kept her silent; where Lena's hand was touching her bare skin there was a scar that she somehow hadn't noticed, that somehow no one had noticed—no one but Lena.

"I, um..." _Is it the kryptonite?_ But she'd been hurt by kryptonite before and it had never left a scar. "I need to use the bathroom." She stood, pulling away from Lena's outstretched arm.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You don't have to go," Lena backtracked quickly.

"No, I really just have to go...check something." Kara left Lena sitting on her own and locked the bathroom door. She pulled the collar down on her shirt and inspected the scar; it was an inch long vertical line where someone had sewn her skin together after taking out the bullet. It looked months old, even though it had only been a few weeks. A thought struck her and she lifted the hem of her shirt; she wasn't entirely surprised but she still gasped softly when she saw the second scar. It was the same as the one by her lung, just at an angle. She felt it with a nervous hand but since she'd left Lena in the other room neither one had bothered her. She took out her phone and dialed Alex, her eyebrows knitting as she looked at her reflection.

"Kara?"

"Hey. Were you the one who fixed me up when we got back to the DEO?" Kara straightened her shirt and sat down on the closed toilet.

"Mmm. Yeah, I had to take those bullets out too, which was a nightmare." Alex spoke slowly and Kara frowned.

"Where are you?"

"Sleeping with Maggie. Actually sleeping, before you think the wrong thing," Alex said quickly, "and your call woke me up." She was sitting in her car outside the DEO, sipping from the open bottle of scotch.

"Oh. Did I wake Maggie up?" Kara asked in concern.

"No, she's right here, still asleep," Alex lied. She hadn't checked on Maggie yet but it was an educated guess.

"Okay. Alex, you'll never believe this but...I have a scar. Two, in fact."

There was a short silence on the line then Alex answered her. "That's impossible. You can't scar. You can't even get a paper cut."

"I'm looking at them right now. I was going to ask you if you could run some tests, maybe that antidote you made for me wasn't effective?"

"Not a chance. You must be seeing things," Alex said definitively.

"Alex, I know how it sounds but there are two scars right in the places where I was shot, I swear. Is there some way for you to check—"

"Kara, I'm busy right now. Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

"Oh, um, sure. Sorry to bother you, I guess." Kara waited for her sister to say something but a dial tone blared in her ear—Alex had hung up. Kara walked back to where Lena was waiting, frowning.

"Everything okay?" Lena said with a pained expression. She was pinching the bridge of her nose and her eyes were shut.

"It would be if you would just take some painkillers," Kara dodged the question.

"It's just a headache. It'll pass." Lena dropped her hand and opened her eyes to see Kara standing above her, holding out the pill bottle. She eyed Kara carefully, gauging her mood. The crinkle that formed between Kara's eyebrows whenever she was trying to write a story or interviewing her was very much present, and she was biting her lip. Her whole body seemed closed off and Lena decided not to push it; her curiosity about the scar was killing her but she let it go for the moment. Silently taking the bottle of pills from Kara's hand and swallowing two of them, she saw Kara's shoulders relax as she let out a relieved sigh.

"Thank you," she breathed. "You were reaching Alex levels of stubborn."

"Please, I'm not that stubborn. I don't walk around with massive internal trauma and never mention it."

"You would if you could," Kara said seriously.

Lena stuck her tongue out at that, patting the couch beside her. "Come sit."

"Do you need anything? A blanket? More water? Something to eat?" Kara stayed where she was, her body turning towards the kitchen.

"No. I can just stay here. It's almost dinnertime right?"

"Come on, you aren't seriously going to stay on my couch." Kara rolled her eyes.

"Why not? You think I'm too good for your couch?"

"You're probably too good for anything in this apartment," Kara muttered.

Lena blushed and turned away. "There's nothing wrong with a couch. Maybe I'll even take a nap here before dinner." She leaned back and closed her eyes. Her headache had become a thing of the past but she was starting to feel tired from the short walk to and from the car. The couch moved under her as Kara finally sat down and Lena let her head drop, knowing Kara would move so it would land on her shoulder. She could feel Kara's breath stirring her hair and slowed her breathing to match the blonde's, not wanting to break the silence.

Kara waited until she heard Lena's heartbeat slow down then twisted away from her, sliding her arms under Lena's legs and supporting her shoulders. She carried her to her bed and set her down gently, afraid to jostle her already broken body. Stepping back, she watched Lena sleep and realized she was exhausted; running the company, trying to keep track of Alex, the whole situation with Maggie, the scars from Lillian's bullets; it all came crashing down on her. She pulled the blanket over Lena's body then carefully laid down on her back outside the duvet. Crossing her arms over her stomach, she closed her eyes and fell asleep despite the afternoon sunlight coming in through the window.

* * *

"Shit." Alex banged her hand against the door handle outside the med bay. "Guess I drank more than I thought." She pulled the door open and squinted; Maggie was still sleeping in the spare bed and Alex watched as she rolled over in her sleep. She crossed the room and swung herself into the bed, sliding into the empty space next to her girlfriend. Maggie mumbled something but moved over, automatically opening her arms for Alex to snuggle into. It had been like this the last few weeks; Maggie would sleep with her but wouldn't say anything, searching for comfort in Alex's smell, her touch. Alex had been wary of touching her, remembering how Maggie had flinched away from her after she'd beaten Roger Collins to a pulp, but she'd gotten used to this quiet, clingy version of the cop. "Hey babe."

"Mmm." Maggie buried her face in Alex's neck and started to snore almost immediately. Alex closed her eyes, willing herself to go to sleep. As she was drifting off, the smell of blood made her eyes snap open.

 _Did I hit my hand that hard?_ Alex held her hand up, looking for an injury. There wasn't anything she could see, but then she remembered how Maggie had punched through the bathroom mirror the second night after she'd come back from the hospital. She craned her neck, trying to see if there was any blood on Maggie's hands but there was no sign of any new cuts or bruises. _I must be imagining things._ Alex closed her eyes again but the smell was still there. _What is that?_ She slid herself higher on the bed, making Maggie groan in annoyance.

"Stay."

"I'm not going anywhere," Alex whispered. She saw Maggie wrinkle her nose at the smell of scotch but she was too asleep to really register it.

"Good," came Maggie's sleepy reply.

Alex held her breath until she felt Maggie's body relax against hers then looked around, expecting to see a pool of blood somewhere. _Where is that smell coming from?_ Alex turned her head from side to side, sniffing quietly. _It can't be coming from..._

"Maggie?"

"Hmm?" Maggie nestled closer to Alex and the metallic smell hit her again, undoubtedly coming from her girlfriend.

"Are you hurt somewhere?" Alex chose her words carefully. She felt Maggie's body go rigid for a split-second before sinking lower in the bed.

"No."

"Are you lying?"

"No. Can't I just sleep?" Maggie turned her back to Alex and groaned quietly. "I'm tired."

"You've been sleeping all day, Mags. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm sleeping."

"I can smell blood. I know it's coming from you, cause it's not coming from me. Maggie, are you listening?" Alex sighed as Maggie gave her a noncommittal grunt. Alex reached her hand across Maggie's hips to pull her back around. "Maggie, I—"

Maggie jerked away, her hands coming up to push Alex's body as far away as possible in the small bed. "Stop," she said in a shaking voice. Alex held her hands up in alarm, not sure what to do.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean..." Alex's eyes trailed down Maggie's body and she blinked. "You're bleeding." The crotch area of Maggie's jeans was stained a dark red and Alex blinked again. "You're bleeding."

Maggie sat up and covered her legs with the blanket. "Can you just mind your own business?" she snapped, fully awake.

"What's wrong? I can help you, we're in the medical wing. Is it from—how long has it been—since he—"

"I don't want to talk about it, Alex." Maggie cleared her throat and started to get up but Alex put out an arm to stop her.

"Maggie, wait. Is this why you've been so quiet?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it." Maggie brushed her arm off and got up with a grimace. "I'll see you at home?" she said without turning around.

"Maggie, wait!" Alex chased after her and stepped between Maggie and the door. "Can we just—tell me what's wrong, please," she pleaded.

Maggie looked at her silently and swallowed. "I don't want to talk about it," she said slowly. "Please just stop asking." Her voice broke and she shoved her way past Alex.

Alex watched her go, noticing a limp in the way she walked. She put her head in her hands and groaned, wishing she was back in her car with her bottle of scotch. Without thinking, she dialed Kara's number.

"Alex? What's going on?" She recognized her sister's sleep-tinged voice from years of dragging her out of bed to get to school on time.

"Hey sis. I know you're busy with Lena, but can I come over?"

Kara looked at Lena's sleeping figure and debated for a moment, but it was Alex, and she could never say no to her sister. "Of course. Is everything okay?"

"Not really," Alex said, heading for the door. "I think there's something wrong with Maggie."


	24. 24) Assassination Attempts (TW)

A/N: warning, self-harm

* * *

It started to rain as Alex drove over to Kara's place.

"Fantastic," she groaned. She knew she shouldn't be driving after all that scotch, but she was a pro at driving while tipsy and no one could tell anyway. "What the hell?" The person in front of her had slammed on their brakes at a yellow light. "You could've made that," Alex grumbled to her empty car. Maggie's empty car. Looking in the rear view mirror, she saw a dog leash and some extra poop bags. They had started sending Gertrude to obedience school during the day, but when she was home she was inseparable from Maggie. She would curl up by Maggie wherever the cop fell asleep or jump into the shower with her—god knew Alex wasn't going to. Things had been awkward between her and Maggie, and now with this whole thing of Maggie trying to hide the fact that she was bleeding, Alex didn't know what to make of it.

 _Crunch_.

Alex twisted around to see who had just read-ended Maggie's sedan. "What the fuck, dude?!" She growled. Amidst the storm of honking as they brought the lane to a grinding halt, the car backed up. Alex couldn't get a good look at the driver through the now-pouring rain and the other car's darkly tinted windows but she sighed, opening the glove compartment to look for the registration. Maggie's gun and badge fell out and clattered to the floor; there was a letter clipped to where the badge normally fastened on her belt. She plucked the letter off the floor; it was addressed to a 'Senior Officer Timothy Denfield, National City Police Department'. Another glance in her rear view showed the other driver rummaging in their glove compartment, and Alex took the opportunity to open the letter.

 _Tim,_

 _I'm going to keep this short. You know I respect you and I would do almost anything for you—but despite your numerous calls and attempts to sway me, I'm still resigning from the force. Please vacate my position ASAP. I'm sorry I can't be the cop you wanted me to be, but thank you for taking me in all those years ago._

 _Love,_

 _Margaret_

A knocking on the window made Alex drop the letter and she fumbled for it, stuffing it back in the envelope. _Maggie's quitting?_ She cracked the window and raised a hand against the rain. "Hey, I'm sorry. Let me grab my—" Something came in through the window and fell into her lap; she picked it up and started to throw it back out the window reflexively. It vibrated in her hand, halting the motion, and she looked out her window for the other driver who had disappeared. She closed the window and looked at the thing in her hand; it was a cheap disposable phone, the kind spies used in old movies when they wanted to stay off the grid. There was no caller ID so she flipped it open, bringing it to her ear warily. "Hello?"

"Alex Danvers."

"Who is this?"

"You won't see us coming."

"Is this a prank?" With her job, she didn't take things like this lightly.

"We are Cadmus."

* * *

Lena felt air whoosh by her face and opened her eyes to see Kara pacing back and forth. "Hey," she said with a yawn. Looking around, she realized she was in a bed—Kara's bed, a realization that made her ten times more self-conscious.

Kara paused to look at her. "You're awake," she said shortly. "Good." She continued pacing.

"What time is it?" Lena's stomach growled and she sat up slowly, resting against Kara's pillows. The bed smelled like Kara; dryer sheets and the scent that Lena associated with a sunshine and a warm day.

"Past dinnertime. I didn't want to wake you." Kara glanced down nervously and Lena saw her phone was in her hand, her knuckles white around the sides.

"Are you waiting on a call?"

"Kind of. Alex was supposed to get here a while ago."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "You invited your sister for dinner?"

"No, she needed to talk about Maggie but she never got here and she isn't returning my calls." Kara sat down on the edge of the bed and tapped the floor nervously with her foot.

Lena looked out the window and back to Kara's worried face. "Calm down, I'm sure she's just caught in traffic. It's raining pretty hard out there," she said with a nod to the water hitting the glass. "You know no one in National City knows how to drive in the rain."

"That's not why I'm worried. I mean it is, just..." Kara put her head in her hands.

Lena reached over and pried the phone from her grip, setting it on the bed beside her. Her shoulder twisted and she berated herself for using her bad arm but didn't let it show. "What are you worried about? You can tell me."

Kara met her gaze, biting her lip. "We got in an argument the first day you got back," she started quietly, sliding next to Lena. "I had just woken up and she wasn't anywhere in the DEO, so I tracked her down and I found her in a bar."

"You mentioned that earlier."

"And I've just been so busy lately, and I thought she would be taking care of Maggie and she would know she couldn't—I've been so stupid, I can't believe I didn't go to check on her, and maybe she's—" Kara frowned, her crinkle forming quickly.

"Take a deep breath. Thinking about the worst case scenario is never the way to go, but what do you think happened to her?" Lena had a pretty good idea of what Kara was thinking but wanted the blonde to say it out loud.

"I think..." Kara swallowed and her voice shook. "I've been calling her and calling her but she isn't answering and I don't know what to do. What if she got drunk and drove over here in this weather? And what if she got in an accident and she's lying in a ditch somewhere?" She leaned back against the headboard.

"You'd be half right." Alex stood in the doorway dripping water all over the floor.

"Alex! Thank Rao," Kara exclaimed. She didn't see Lena's eyes widen at the alien name because she was busy throwing her arms around her sister. "Where have you been? I was about to call the police or go out searching for you."

"Yeah, I had to walk here. Maggie's car is completely totaled."

Kara didn't miss the hint of alcohol on Alex's breath and she narrowed her eyes. "Totaled how? You didn't get in an accident, did you?"

"Not technically." Alex ran her hands through her sopping hair, spraying Kara with rain water. "Can I borrow some clothes?"

"Only if you tell me what happened." Kara sat down again. Lena watched the way her eyes followed her sister as she moved across the room; it was the way a mother lion would watch her cubs on their first outing into the real world. Lena couldn't tell Kara was the younger of the two from the way she watched her sister.

"Ha. Don't get alarmed, but," Alex lifted her soaking shirt off and Lena looked away awkwardly as she exposed her torso; Kara carried on with the conversation like normal.

"You're over an hour late, soaked to the bone and saying you totaled Maggie's car. I'm already alarmed," Kara frowned.

"It's not my fault someone's trying to kill me," Alex said nonchalantly as she kicked her boots off and peeled her jeans away from her body.

Kara and Lena both sat up straighter at that, Kara's jaw dropping. "Why didn't you call? I would've come and—" she glanced at Lena and swallowed. "Why didn't you call?"

"Do you know who it was?" Lena asked.

"Yeah." Alex turned away from both of them and unfastened her bra, throwing on an old _Midvale High_ t-shirt of Kara's. "Cadmus." She picked a pair of sweatpants and went to the bathroom. "In the pocket of my jacket there's a phone. Not sure if it still works but it's all I have to go off right now. The car's a few blocks away," she called through the door.

"So what happened to the car?" Lena called back.

"Ah, shit." Alex walked back in the room. "Someone rear-ended me and I thought it was from the rain, but then the driver came to my window and dropped a phone in my lap. When I answered it, it was one of those Cadmus messages—but then I heard a beeping noise over the phone and hurried to get out of the car, and the second I did the whole thing blew up. I guess the bastard tossed a grenade or something under the car."

Kara was frowning. "You need to be more careful. What was the message?"

"Just something about how Cadmus was going to take over, blah blah blah, but as it kept droning on that's when I noticed the beeping. I barely managed to grab Maggie's gun and badge and—hey, did you know she's quitting?" Alex took a breath.

"Quitting? Wait, finish telling us what happened." Kara shook her head.

"There isn't anything left, really. Whoever it was sped away as I shot a few rounds into his back window; no license plates, pretty standard SUV. Then I walked over here and my phone got wet which is why I couldn't call you, but everything's still on it, it just shorted out."

"You said the car's a few blocks from here? Should I go get it?"

"Go get it? Call the police!" Lena spoke up.

"Right—I just meant to go see it," Kara covered up hastily. "And I'd call the DEO."

"Doesn't Supergirl work at the DEO?"

Alex looked over at her sister who had frozen. "Yeah. She does," she answered Lena's question. "Kara, can I speak to you a moment?" When Kara didn't answer her, she grabbed her sister by the elbow and steered her out of the room, leaving Lena looking after them curiously.

"Alex, what are you—"

"Kara, you can't just freeze up every time she says 'Supergirl'. She's not stupid. She'll pick up on it sooner or later, if she hasn't already," Alex hissed.

"I know she's not stupid. But what am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to—she hates me, Alex!"

"She doesn't hate you. She's only mad at Supergirl. To her, you and Supergirl are two different people," Alex answered under her breath.

Kara bit her lip nervously. "Should I just tell her?"

"What? No, Jesus, that's not at all what I'm saying! I mean, whatever you decide I'll support it but I wasn't trying to—"

"I can't keep lying to her. Her mother told her that everyone sees her only as a Luthor; that she's evil, that no one's ever on her side, that she'll always be all alone. I can't do that to her." Kara's lip trembled.

"She knows you're on her side," Alex said in a soothing voice.

"Every single time I don't tell her I'm betraying her. Every single time I run off to go play at being the hero of the city and she asks me where I'm going, I lie. What if she finds out, and I'm not the one to tell her?" Kara wrung her hands.

"I'm sure she'll forgive you."

"For lying to her? For hiding who I am? And it's not just keeping it for me, I have a secret identity for a reason, Alex. It's to protect people. If Lena ever found out I was Supergirl, people might use it against her. Since we've gotten closer, I've had to be more and more dishonest with her while she's been opening up to me," Kara glanced down the hallway to her bedroom wistfully.

"I know you're Supergirl and I've been fine," Alex said.

"You _just_ said someone tried to _kill_ you."

Alex shrugged. "Okay, maybe I'm not a great example right now."

"And who knows how Lena will take it?! I mean, Lillian Luthor said it and she was right. If Lena found out that I was Supergirl, she'd be devastated," Kara lowered her voice, "And she would lump me in with every other person in her life who's betrayed her."*

Alex pursed her lips. "Well, in my experience, telling the truth is always the best way to go."

"Is that why you won't talk to anyone about your drinking?"

Despite her sister's soft voice, Alex recoiled. "I'm handling it. I meant Maggie; she won't talk to me about what happened."

"I know I said it before but if there's anything I can do..."

"Maybe I can help." Lena walked over to them. Kara watched with apprehension as she picked up the pill bottle and took one then sat down on the couch, crossing her legs.

"And where's your sling?" Alex said with a pointed look at Lena's arm.

"In your sister's bed." Kara blushed for no apparent reason and Alex opened her mouth but Lena held up a hand. "I don't really need the details, but from your hushed whispers it sounds like something pretty serious went down with Maggie. So if I can help, I'd like to."

"Um." Kara cleared her throat. "It's a personal thing," she said with a glance at Alex.

"I gathered," Lena said dryly. "Does she need somewhere to stay? A new car, perhaps? I don't usually throw money around but I will for my friends if they need it."

"You mean Kara's friends," Alex muttered. Kara narrowed her eyes and Alex took a step back. "Maggie doesn't need somewhere to stay," she said in a louder voice, "she's staying with me. She just can't go back to her apartment because..."

"So does she know her car's been blown up by my mother's criminal organization?" Lena broke the silence.

"I haven't had the chance to mention it to her yet, no," Alex said defensively.

"I can get her a new one. More importantly, why is Cadmus targeting you?" Lena eyed Alex. "I supposed it's too much to hope that they dissolved into chaos when my mother died." There was an awkward silence where none of them said anything, then Kara's phone rang, startling all three of them.

Kara answered it quickly. "J'onn?"

"I need you to come down to the DEO. There's been a development in the cast against the Luthors."

"Luthors? You mean Lillian." Kara saw Lena's eyebrow arch and turned away from her.

"I mean both. Technically only Lena Luthor, seeing as her mother's body is here at the DEO."

"You kept it?" Kara whispered. "Why?"

"Security reasons. There are a lot of fanatics that would do anything to get their hands on Lillian Luthor's corpse."

"Ew. Stop," Kara shuddered. "Fine. I'm coming." She looked between Lena and Alex and bit her lip. "I'll just be a few minutes." She hung up and faced the other women.

"Where could you be going at almost nine at night on a Wednesday?" Lena uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "And what did you say about my mother?" She wondered if things would've been different; if she could've just told her mother everything she'd wanted to say, the good and the bad, maybe their relationship would've been better. She didn't know how she felt about all the regrets and possibilities she'd never be able to see through but she forced it down.

"Just a reporter thing—a piece on Cadmus, you know, investigative journalism," Kara stammered, fixing her glasses.

"Oh. Alright," Lena said doubtfully. Kara would never lie to her but she seemed nervous.

 _Oh, fuck me._ Alex took a breath. "What do you know about sexual assault?"

"Excuse me?" Lena was taken aback and Kara's eyes widened.

"Survivors. Survivors of sexual assault," Alex clarified.

"Why?"

"Because," Alex blew out a breath, "That's what happened to Maggie," she finished in a defeated tone.

Lena's jaw clenched and unclenched and she looked down at her hands. She heard Kara whisper a quick "Call me," to her sister before the door closed, then she raised her head.

"When?"

"The same day we brought you back."

Lena straightened her back and met Alex's gaze unflinchingly. "Who was it?"

"Another cop on the force." Alex sat down in the familiar surrounding of her sister's apartment.

"That's...where is he now?" Lena probed.

"Handcuffed to a hospital bed," Alex said angrily, "Because I didn't finish beating him to death."

"Were you there when they arrested him?" Lena sat back, stretching her bad shoulder.

"I pulled him off of Maggie; he was in her bed. That's why she can't go back to her apartment. I've been moving her stuff out box by box."

"I can imagine," Lena said quietly.

"Can you?" Alex asked seriously. "Because Maggie won't talk to me and I don't know what to say to her."

"I'm a young woman in charge of a billion dollar company. I'm also a Luthor. You think I haven't come across my fair share of disgusting men?"

"I've never really thought about it, honestly." Alex tucked her legs underneath her and lapsed into a thoughtful silence. There was an aura of quiet rage surrounding Lena and Alex wondered if Lena knew what she was talking about from first hand experience. "But I noticed she was, um, bleeding. Down by her...you know..."

"And did she say why?"

"She refused to talk to me. She left for the apartment and wouldn't look at me, and I don't know why." Alex rubbed her eyes. "I wish she would just—I don't know..." She stared at the ceiling, remembering the smell of blood.

"Do you know that feeling you have before you pour yourself a drink?" Lena asked, taking her by surprise.

Alex snorted. "Excitement?"

"No, I mean the fear. Fear that you'll never be good enough, that you'll never measure up. That you know you're doing something wrong but you also know you can't stop it? You feel dirty, but you refuse to change the course of your actions." Lena sat back.

Alex said nothing but nodded silently.

"That's how Maggie's probably feeling every second of every day. She's not dumb, she knows what she's doing isn't healthy. She knows she's pushing everyone away."

"Why won't she say anything to me?" Alex sighed. "I can't look at her, I can't touch her, she's like a ghost. She's there until I try to reach her then she disappears right in front of me."

"Why won't you tell her that you're still drinking?"

Alex snapped her mouth shut.

"Please. Sam's my best friend, you really think she hasn't been texting me?"

Alex had been meeting Sam a few days a week but not telling her that she'd been slipping away to drink during the day. "That's supposed to be confidential," Alex countered.

"She didn't _tell_ me anything. She just asked me to look out for you whenever you'd visit me to stick me with needles—thanks for that, by the way." Lena grimaced and reached for the bottle of pills again. She took another and sat back with a sigh. "Maybe you should talk to Maggie about it. Sometimes people just need to see your pain to know it's okay to feel their own. Let her know how you feel. And not the easy stuff. Tell her the things you're afraid to say out loud in case it scares her."

"That's exactly why I don't want to tell her!" Alex said exasperated.

"If she loves you, she'll come back."

Alex let that sink in, thinking of how afraid her sister was that Lena would hate her. "You know," she said after a minute, "My sister really values your opinion on...things."

Lena knit her eyebrows. "What are you talking about?"

"Kara. She doesn't want to drive a wedge between you two, but she's not doing great with the whole 'you hating Supergirl' thing."

"Because she's best friends with National City's resident hero? It shouldn't really affect her. I'm a Luthor. This is what the public expects and now they're finally getting it." Lena stared back defiantly.

"Kara isn't just some random person that hears your soundbites on the news. You're probably her best friend in this whole city and she doesn't like it when people don't get along." Alex felt like she was digging herself a deeper hole but didn't change the subject.

"I hate to break it to you, but she might be in the wrong business if she wants everyone to get along."

"My sister doesn't make that many friends. I know she seems happy and bubbly and smiles at everyone, but she never got close to people easily. She has her fair share of secrets, same as anyone." Alex chose her words carefully.

"Like the scar on her chest?"

"How did you see that?" Alex tilted her head.

"Well if you knew about it, it must be old. I've just never seen it before, and I definitely remember her wearing sleeveless dresses..."

"You remember my sister's outfits? That's cute," Alex said with a pointed air.

"Whatever. I should've known she was acting weird about the whole Supergirl thing." Lena pulled her hair into a ponytail, grimacing as the motion pulled on her shoulder. "Are we going?"

"Going where?"

"To your apartment. To talk to Maggie," Lena said as though it was obvious.

"That was never in the cards."

"Well it is now. I'll get my driver, because the last time you drove the car exploded." Lena stood up and pocketed the bottle of painkillers.

"That's a low blow, Luthor. Is your shoulder bothering you?"

"It's just in case," Lena said casually. "Relax. If I collapse on the way there you can just save my life again."

"Don't joke about that shit," Alex muttered. "If you die on my watch, I'll die too when my sister finds out. She takes her _friendship_ with you very seriously."

"She's like my personal superhero. It's funny, she always turns up when something major happens in my life. Her or Supergirl."

"There's nothing funny about it," Alex grumbled, following the younger woman out.

* * *

"What are you accusing Lena of now?"

"Kara, hey! Glad to see you're, um, up and about and—"

"Save it, Winn." Kara headed for J'onn. "What now?"

"We've found a signal of a high concentration of kryptonite near the harbor," J'onn cut to the chase.

"Where?" Kara's cape fluttered against her back as she turned to see the screen in front of Winn. There was a thermal heat-map superimposed on a satellite image of National City.

"It's not just any kryptonite, its chemical signal shows it's synthetic. Whoever was developing it started practically from scratch and has been working on it for a while. See this section?" He pointed to a part of the map that had a white-hot indicator over it.

"I recognize that area..." Kara narrowed her eyes. "Who's been making synthetic kryptonite in their basement? Who even has the equipment to do that?"

Winn cleared his throat. "That's, ahem, that's Lena Luthor's house."

* * *

"Maggie! It's me, I brought Lena home." Alex called out to the dark apartment.

"Don't you have a dog?" Lena stepped through the doorway. "I can't hear her anywhere."

"Yeah, she sticks to Maggie like Velcro. Sounds like they're in the shower." Alex headed towards the bathroom door. "Maggie, you in there?"

"Yeah, just a minute!" Maggie called back.

Lena raised her eyebrows. "At least she answered you."

"She better. I've broken down this door twice to find her throwing up, so now she answers me when I ask." Alex sat down in the living room. "Make yourself comfortable."

Lena looked around Alex's apartment. It had a few chew toys along the ground and some clothes strewn across the back of furniture. The water shut off in the bathroom and she sat down delicately on the edge of a chair. She heard a door open and footsteps down the hall, then another door close.

"So what are you planning on saying to her?" Alex itched to get a drink from her stash but she knew Lena would tell Kara.

"I haven't thought that far yet."

"Great." Alex ran her hands through her hair. "That's promising."

Lena eyed the agent. "Do you really not trust me?" she asked after a moment.

"What?" Alex sat up straighter. "What makes you think that?"

"Just, you know, you seem to be the person with the most trouble getting past the fact that my last name is Luthor."

Alex looked skeptical. "Kara say that to you?"

"No, of course not. I just noticed there's usually this cold air to our conversations."

"That's not because you're a Luthor," Alex smirked. "To be fair, yes, I initially didn't _love_ you," she explained. "But now it's about my sister."

"Kara? You're going to have to explain that one. She's one of the only journalists who doesn't hate me, she even got Clark Kent to write an article praising what I did with L-Corp."

"It's not what you think. It's more of what Kara thinks. Look, my sister likes you," Alex said bluntly.

"She's one of my only friends, I'd hope she'd likes me."

"You know, for a genius, you can be awfully stupid." Alex crossed her legs. "No, I mean she _likes you_ likes you. She just doesn't know it."

"Oh." Lena sat back with a fuzzy feeling in her chest, but she didn't blush easily. "Well, I'm sure it's, I mean. Hm."

Alex watched in amusement as the usually eloquent CEO stumbled over her words. "She's my little sister. I'm going to protect her from getting hurt, even if it's from herself through you as a proxy. You have the potential to hurt her, so of course I'm not going to like you."

"That's...sweet of you." Lena nudged a chew toy by her foot and it let out a wheezing squeak. She didn't know what to do with that information; true, she and Kara had somewhat flirty banter but didn't Kara date James Olsen?

"Relax, Lena. You look like you want to melt through the floor. All I'm saying is, if you don't feel the same way, you better stop hanging around my sister. But if you _do_ ," Alex said with a knowing smile, "Feel free to flirt with her. I'm sure you know by now it's hilarious when she's flustered."

"I think it's cute," Lena muttered.

"Then I say go for it. But remember, if you hurt her, I don't care if it's twenty years from now, I'll kill you."

"Get in line," Lena snorted.

"Damn, you're right. You could be assassinated by then." She raised her voice. "Maggie, what are you doing in there? It's just us. Lena may usually look like a million bucks but there's no one here to impress."

A door closed down the hall and Maggie walked into the living room, Gertrude at her heels. "Hey," she greeted Lena. "What brings you over to the rent-controlled side of town?"

Lena smiled to herself, remembering how Kara had said the same thing to her once upon a time. What Alex had said to her was mildly distracting, but she remembered where she was. "Just came to talk. Actually, Alex, could I speak to Maggie alone for a minute?"

Alex raised an eyebrow and stood up. "I guess I could go out."

"It would be better if you stayed here." Lena met her gaze. She knew where Alex would go if she left, and she knew she wouldn't even mean to end up at a bar.

"Fine, I'll take a shower. Don't kill my girlfriend." Alex gave Maggie an awkward kiss and snapped her fingers at Gertrude, who sniffed Maggie's leg then followed Alex out of the room.

Maggie watched them leave then turned to Lena. "So...where's Kara?"

"Kara? Why would she be here?"

"Because literally every time I've seen you, she's been at your side," Maggie pointed out.

"I can't just visit my friends?" Lena shot back.

"I wasn't aware we were friends." Maggie sat down with a wince. "Not in a rude way, we just don't have a lot of quality time hours logged."

"Hm. I wanted to talk to you about something," Lena started slowly.

"Okay, shoot." Maggie eyed her warily.

"Alex told me that something happened to you a few weeks ago."

Maggie's guarded expression didn't give anything away. "And?"

"And I wanted to talk to you about it because she also mentioned you were...bleeding."

Maggie turned away. "She had no business telling you that."

"Maggie, I'm just trying to help, if I can—"

"You can't." Maggie lifted her chin. "I'm fine."

Lena took a breath then tried another way. "Do you know the statistics for sexual assault?"

"Of course I do, I'm a cop."

"So would you find it wildly improbable that I might actually know what you're going through?"

Maggie was silent for a moment. "No, I wouldn't."

Lena nodded, relieved that she seemed to have found the chink in Maggie's armor. "Alex doesn't know what to say to you. I don't think she's ever had to deal with this sort of thing."

Maggie rolled her eyes. "She may have fought aliens on the moon or whatever, but she's insanely naïve when it comes to this sort of thing. I mean, she didn't even know she was gay until she was what, twenty-eight?"

"Ha. Yeah," Lena laughed weakly. "The point is, I'm pretty sure Alex thinks your bleeding is from—from what happened to you."

"And you don't." It wasn't a question.

"No, I don't. So you have two choices here."

Maggie looked around uncomfortably. "What are they?"

"It's pretty simple. Either you tell me the truth—option A—or you take your pants off."

"Is there an option C?"

"No, sorry."

"Well I'm going with option C, so." Maggie stared at Lena defiantly.

Lena pursed her lips. "Option C it is, then." She stood up and stretched her back then made a face like she was bracing herself for something. Glad that she wasn't wearing business clothes, she pulled down the hem of her sweatpants.

"Dude, what—do I look like Kara? A little warning would be nice!" Maggie turned away.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that," Lena said primly. "I'm just showing you something. Relax." She sat down on the couch next to Maggie and pointed to her inner thigh.

Maggie tried to get a closer look without leaning in, squinting in concentration. When she saw it, she sat back. "Oh."

On the inside of Lena's left thigh were faint, parallel scars that you could make out in just the right light. Four of the scars stood out more than the rest, harsh-looking against her pale skin. After staring for another minute, Maggie averted her eyes.

"So, option A. Tell me the truth." Lena pulled her pants back up and heard the water shut off. The sound of Alex closing the bathroom door and opening drawers could be heard and Maggie shifted in her seat.

"I can't say it," she whispered. "If I do, it'll make it real. It won't be just my secret anymore."

"You're the first person I've ever told," Lena said quietly. "They've faded; it was back in college. Not even Sam knows."

"What happened?" Maggie said before she could stop herself.

"You first." Lena reached for her pill bottle but thought better of it and shoved her hands in her pockets.

Maggie bit her lip and her hands fidgeted with the drawstring on her pants. "I—it was this guy from work," she said almost inaudibly. "He...we've always had this thing, this animosity. Like everything I ever did challenged him; when we were in the academy, at the station, with arrests and convictions. I thought he was just, I don't know. But it turns out..."

"Turns out he's a monster."

Maggie nodded wordlessly, unshed tears in her eyes. So much of what she was thinking she couldn't say out loud, and even when she found the right words her throat closed up.

"I know a lawyer that can get him put away for at least a decade—"

"No, no. I just want this to go away."

"You can't let him go unpunished! As a cop you have to know that. I'm sure you've had to convince people to press charges all the time."

"It's a little different from this side of the story." Maggie swallowed. "I'd rather just get on with my life."

"Get on with your life? This isn't a life, hiding your pain from the people you love. The people who love you."

"I'm handling it."

"Funny, Alex said the same thing about her drinking." Lena raised an eyebrow.

"Is she still—I should've known."

Lena sighed. "You two are poster children for bad communication. Maybe if you stopped blaming yourselves and actually had a grown-up conversation about how you feel, you wouldn't be turning to all kinds of vices to fill your time."

"Maybe if you had a grown-up conversation with Kara about how you feel, you wouldn't be throwing money at her like a bachelor in a strip club." Maggie felt better than she had in weeks; saying it out loud to someone that wasn't Alex or Sam, who'd been there, felt like a weight was coming off her chest. It was a small change, but she filled her lungs with air for what felt like the first time since it had happened.

Lena narrowed her eyes and held up a finger. "Touché," she said after a moment. "But spending money isn't the same as taking a blade to your skin. You aren't alone, Maggie. Me, Sam, Alex, Kara. And you. We can be National City's five musketeers."

"I don't think that's quite what Dumas had in mind," Maggie snorted.

"What do you know?" Lena said with a smirk, but inside she was worried that Maggie and Alex were bad for each other with where they were in their lives. If Maggie was struggling with self-harm and Alex was drinking herself to death, they either needed to have one hell of a conversation or take a break. They both needed to work on themselves, but both of them were too invested in each other.

"Can I come in yet?" Alex stuck her head around the corner and Gertrude took it as a sign that she could come into the living room.

Lena rubbed the puppy's head then stood up with a groan. "Yes. I'm going to head back to Kara's apartment."

"Hang on." Alex disappeared from the doorway and there was a jangling noise, then she popped back around wrapped in a towel. "Take this," she held something out in the palm of her hand.

"What is it?" Lena leaned in as the light glinted off the object. "A key?"

"The key to my sister's apartment. I have another copy," Alex shrugged.

"Why?" Lena's eyebrow arched.

"Because she's not home and how else are you going to get into her apartment, genius." Alex dropped the key into Lena's hand and turned to Maggie. "Honestly. Love makes people so stupid."

Maggie smiled and put an arm around Alex's shoulders. Lena noticed Alex's look of surprise when Maggie touched her, but she relaxed into her girlfriend's body easily. "Well she did just admit she's been throwing money at Kara in an attempt to win her heart."

"That's not—I'm just saying—Alex wrecked your car!" Lena pointed at the agent, changing the subject quickly.

Maggie pulled away as Alex let out a defensive "What the hell?!" She glared at Lena. "Thanks for nothing, Luthor."

Lena smiled cheekily and backed away from the older Danvers' smoldering glare. "I gotta go, but have fun explaining to your girlfriend what happened to her car." She snapped her fingers and gave Alex a thumbs up as she hurried out the door.

"Start talking." Maggie sat back down on the couch and eyed Alex with concern.

"Oh, now you want to talk?" Alex said sarcastically.

"You're wearing only a towel and you just ruined up my car. It's the perfect set up for angry, make-up sex," Maggie smirked.

"What's with the sudden change in attitude?" Alex sat down and wrapped her towel tighter around her body.

"I don't know." Maggie turned away but remembered what Lena had said and forced herself to look back at Alex. "Just...talking to someone. I feel...better. Lighter, somehow. I'm trying, I am."

The room had taken on a serious air and Alex nodded. "I know. Me too. I am too. I'm not sure how to say this, but I've been, um, slipping away."

"To drink."

"Yes." Alex looked away, feeling shame color her face. "I don't mean to not be there for you, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I usually throw myself into work but it's just been—it's just routine stuff. Robberies, car jackings."

"You can talk to me. You aren't alone," Maggie echoed Lena's words.

"If one more person says that to me, I swear—"

"Stop acting like you have to do everything on your own. You're a grown woman, fine. But you can lean on me. That's what I'm here for."

"I didn't want to bother you."

"And I get that. It's my fault, for shutting down, for disappearing on you and ignoring the world for so long. But I promise I'm getting better." Maggie shifted uncomfortably; she could feel the open wounds on her thigh rubbing against the bandage she'd put on hastily when Alex and Lena had come in. "I got worse. But I'm getting better."

Alex ran her fingers along the back of Maggie's hands. "What do you mean, worse?" She asked carefully.

Maggie bit her lip. Every part of her was telling her not to do what she was about to do, that Alex would take one look and run the other way, that she would never come back. "Kiss me," she said suddenly.

Alex tilted her head. "What?"

"Kiss me. I mean it." Maggie framed Alex's face with her hands. "You want do, don't you?"

"I—of course. I just don't want to—"

"I want you to." Maggie leaned forward, breathing into Alex's face. She was testing something out. She'd been afraid to let Alex touch her, afraid of letting Collins corrupt what she had with her girlfriend. But after a few weeks, she realized that what she'd gone through hadn't changed the way that she wanted Alex. And Alex hadn't pressured her, had been understanding, had given her the space she needed.

Alex looked at her carefully then leaned forward and their lips met. Maggie felt that same stirring in her chest she always felt when she was touching Alex, the fireworks that all her friends had always said happened when they kissed boys. Maggie had kissed plenty of boys when she was younger, pretending to be someone else. It had always been technical; she had always wondered if it was supposed to feel acted out. She hadn't been disgusted by it, she just never got any enjoyment out of being with boys. She would find her mind wandering while he was pressing his mouth against hers. Was she a good kisser? What he a good kisser? Did he like her? As she'd gotten older she'd had to learn coy, sneaky ways to leave before the boys could get too into it. By the time she had reached puberty, she got asked out a lot, but boys didn't excite her the way girls did. They were never as funny or as interesting, and they certainly weren't as pretty. When she was on a date with a boy she never had that burning curiosity to learn about them, their past, what made them tick, how they got to be the person they were today. Hanging out with girls like Eliza Wilke was a completely different story. She had latched onto everything Eliza had said and slowly realized the nights staying up late and smoking and the butterflies in her stomach were real.

The familiar taste of Alex flooded her mouth and Maggie groaned as Alex crawled into her lap, the towel sliding off her body. It hit Maggie's thigh and she flinched, which sent Alex reeling back.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Was that too much? We can slow down, or stop if you want." Alex was leaning away from Maggie, a worried expression on her face.

"No, it's my fault." Maggie cleared her throat. "I might as well show you now." She swallowed nervously. It was easier for her if Alex saw everything rather than she try to explain it, but she didn't know if she could go through with it.

"Is this something that I should put on pants for?" Alex saw Maggie's dark expression and tried to lighten the mood.

Maggie chuckled but her mouth morphed into a frown. "I mean if you want to, it would be fine but not appreciated."

"Okay, one second." Alex ran to change into pajamas and was back in minutes. "What's this about?" she asked with trepidation, leaning against the couch.

"Don't get mad." Maggie wished she hadn't said anything because the way Alex was looking at her was making her heart rise in her throat. But this was Alex, and if she couldn't tell Alex then there was something wrong with the universe. The self-preservation of trying to spare herself the pain of when Alex saw everything and left was kicking in but she tried to ignore it. _Don't chicken out, Sawyer._ Maggie closed her eyes and counted to ten in her head.

 _Eight...Nine...Ten._ She pulled the waistband of her pants down to her knees and waited. There was a split-second of silence, then—

"Is—Maggie! Oh my god!" Alex gasped and her brain kicked into overdrive. "Where's the blood coming from? We have to stop it."

Maggie barely had time to block Alex's hand from touching the blood-stained makeshift bandage on her thigh. "It's fine." She moved Alex's arm aside watching her try to process what she was seeing.

"Fine? We should call someone! What is this from?! Did you get in a fight?" She wasn't sure where she expected the blood to be coming from, but it certainly wasn't this. Maggie's leg looked like someone had stabbed her on the inner thigh; the paper towel she'd haphazardly pressed to her leg was soaked through with blood and sticking to her skin of its own accord.

"Babe, hang on. I need you to slow down. I am not going to die in the next few minutes"

Alex wrung her hands. "I need you to explain what's going on," she said slowly. She couldn't look away from the blood on Maggie's leg but she felt awkward staring so she whistled for Gertrude who was over at her water bowl in the kitchen. The lab bounded up and Alex scooped her up into her lap, busying her hands with giving her dog a rub down.

"After everything happened, I got this idea...I felt like everything I was feeling and everything I wasn't saying was building up. Like water against a dam that was going to break at any second."

"Okay." Gertrude shook herself out and Alex leaned away from the flying fur.

"And I don't know why, but I thought...maybe, if I did this—this thing, it would release some of the pressure. And it did. It was small at first, but then it took more and more and now it's gotten a little out of hand." Maggie's tone was tinged by shame but Alex leaned forward and took her hand. Gertrude circled Alex's lap then plopped down and looked up at Maggie.

"I still don't think I understand."

"It's like when you drink. I'm not trying to call you out, I promise." Maggie gripped Alex's hand tighter as she felt her pull back. "When you're stressed or tired or you need to relax, you take a sip of something and everything seems a little more okay." Alex nodded slowly. "And that's what it's like for me. What—this thing that I did, that I do. It makes me feel like I can handle the rest of the world, if I can just keep this to myself and keep it a secret, it—it puts things in perspective. So the few times I talked to you normally, it was because I'd just done this—this thing." Maggie looked down and Gertrude licked her hand, making her smile sadly. "But then I sort of withdrew into myself. Because I'm ashamed, but I'm telling you anyway and I'm hoping you won't leave me because of it. And I'm hoping you won't look at me any differently. I'm still Maggie, I'm still the same person you fell in love with." She met Alex's gaze hopefully, tears pricking the backs of her eyes.

Alex pulled her hand out of Maggie's and let it hover above the bandage. She had an idea of what Maggie was talking about, but she needed to see for herself. "Can I?" She hesitated but Maggie nodded and she delicately pinched the one corner of the bandage not stained red. As gently as possible, she peeled it away from Maggie's skin.

Maggie grit her teeth as her cuts were exposed to the open air. Gertrude leaned forward at the smell of blood but Alex pulled her back by her collar. "Down, girl." As the puppy clambered off the couch and went off into the hall, Alex sat back, forgetting the bloody bandage in her hand.

Maggie had scores of cuts on the inside her leg. Some looked healed, some were scabbing over, but several of the largest ones were still oozing blood. Alex didn't move until the blood started to drip down Maggie's leg, threatening to land on the couch, then she got up robotically and handed Maggie a new paper towel. She took it gratefully and held it under the cuts but she was watching Alex carefully with fear in her eyes, ready for Alex to walk out of the apartment and never come back.

Alex sat back down and stared at the ground, cracking her knuckles. Maggie watched as her throat moved up and down and her nostrils flared, and she braced herself for the heartbreak.

"You—" Alex started but lost the words and sighed, her jaw working. She looked up at Maggie earnestly and took a deep breath, then got up and left a speechless Maggie sitting on the couch.

Maggie fully expected her to walk out the door but she turned, heading down the hallway instead. Alex entered the bathroom and rifled through the bathroom cabinet; she got hydrogen peroxide, non-stick dressings, antiseptic liquid, gauze and medical tape then headed back to the living room. Maggie hadn't moved but there was a confused expression on her face. "What are you doing?"

"You need to clean the cuts," Alex said quietly. She was overwhelmed by the fact that this had been going on, Maggie had been cutting herself, and she hadn't noticed; but she could hardly blame Maggie when she had been hiding her drinking for weeks.

"You're not—" Maggie's voice broke and she tried again. "You're not leaving?"

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Leaving? Why would I leave? I love you," she said easily. Her heart was breaking for her girlfriend. Maggie had already been through so much but here she was, feeling like she needed to tear herself down just to feel remotely normal.

Maggie felt the tears spill onto her cheeks and her chin trembled. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I feel so guilty—"

"Hey, none of that." Alex took Maggie's free hand and kissed it. "You're tired and you need rest, but first let me clean your leg." Maggie nodded and bit her lip. Alex looked at the couch and knit her eyebrows. "It might be better to do this in the tub. Can you walk?"

"Yeah. I'm good." Alex helped her up then picked up all the medical supplies and followed her into the bathroom. Maggie sat down in the tub and Alex opened the bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

"Ready?" Maggie nodded and Alex tipped the bottle, letting some of the cleaning agent drip onto the cuts. Maggie hissed in a breath and Alex stopped abruptly. "Okay, okay. We'll wait."

Maggie looked up at her and deliberated before speaking. "I wish I had something to drink, honestly." Alex's face had an unreadable expression and she stood up. Maggie watched her go, heard the bedroom door open, then Alex came back in with a half-bottle of tequila in her hand. "Where did you—"

"I've been drinking for a while. Let's just handle one thing at a time."

Maggie took the bottle from Alex wordlessly and opened it, taking a swig. She grimaced as the alcohol hit her throat but took another long pull, then nodded. "Okay. I'm good."

Alex started to clean the cuts again. Whenever Maggie flinched, she would pause and wait for her to take another swig before continuing. By the time she finished cleaning the cuts, Maggie had drunk half of what was left and had stopped flinching. "I'm going to rinse your leg with antiseptic then wrap it loosely; since you're just sleeping you should let them dry."

Maggie smiled sadly, already drunk. "Thanks," she whispered, watching Alex wash the cuts with the antiseptic. They waited in silence as it dried, then Alex placed a non-stick dressing over the area. It took two, but she taped the edge into place and started to wrap gauze over it loosely.

"You're going to need to lift your leg a bit." Maggie complied and Alex finished with the gauze, taping the end in place. "Alright. You're good for now, but I want to check on those every day."

Maggie nodded and closed her eyes. "I'm tired."

"I know. Come on, time for bed." Alex pulled Maggie up, leaving everything on the floor of the bathroom. She took the bottle from Maggie's hand and stared at it for a second too long then put it on the sink. Ushering Maggie into the bathroom, she turned the bed down and helped Maggie slide under the sheets. Careful not to touch her leg, she draped the duvet over her girlfriend and got in next to her. They lay there in the dark, neither of them speaking, until Alex slid over and pressed herself against Maggie's side, letting out a sigh.

"Alex?"

"Yes?" Alex felt the weight of the day pressing her into the mattress and she yearned to close her eyes and fall asleep, but her brain was wide awake and thinking about nothing but Maggie.

"What did Lena mean, you wrecked my car?"

"Fuck."


	25. 25) Flying w Supergirl (TW)

Lena turned in her sleep, muttering under her breath. A hand touched her arm and she flinched away, afraid of the pain that would follow. Her mother stood over her and she backed away, hitting the metal wall of the tiny room after a few seconds.

"Why'd you let her kill me, Lena?" Lillian's mouth morphed into a grotesque grin and Lena shuddered. "Is it because you really are a Luthor? Letting other people do your dirty work?"

"I didn't want you dead," Lena whispered.

Lillian tilted her head. "No, but Supergirl did. And you sided with her."

"She—heroes aren't supposed to—"

"Supposed to? Look at what Superman did to your brother. You think he felt an ounce of remorse for what happened to Lex? Lex will be in prison until after your grandchildren die," Lillian snarled. "Stop thinking like a child, Lena."

"Lex went _insane_." A movement in the corner of her eye made her turn; the two men that had beaten her the day before were entering the room. "No. Please."

"Be grateful I don't bring Haldrak back in here. You cried like a baby the last time."

"Don't do this." Lena cowered in the corner of the room, her hands coming up to protect her face. The first man grabbed her right arm and snapped it like a twig; Lena let out a scream and cradled her arm to her chest.

"Maybe if you hadn't been so ashamed of being a Luthor, you would've been on my side." Lillian watched as Lena curled in on herself.

The second man brought his foot back and Lena whimpered, her body paralyzed with fear. She could hear her mother humming the same old french song and saw the steel-toed boot swing through the air. She closed her eyes, screaming herself awake.

Something was pressing down across her chest, stopping her from sitting up. As she came out of her dream, Kara's worried face swam in and out of focus and she could hear her saying her name over and over again. Lena gasped in a breath and sank back against the pillows, realizing with a jolt that she was back in Kara's bed. Kara had stopped saying her name but was looking at her with a concerned expression, the crinkle between her eyebrows deepening as Lena stayed silent. She moved away and put her hands in her pockets, standing awkwardly.

"Did you carry me in here?" Lena asked after she caught her breath. Apparently Kara had also put the sling back on her arm.

"You looked uncomfortable on the couch." Kara pushed her glasses up. "You were muttering and kept moving around in your sleep. But I guess it was just a bad dream." Truth be told, she didn't want Lena sleeping on her couch because she felt more comfortable with Lena's presence in her bed. She had fallen asleep listening to the other woman snoring softly, a smile on her face. "Was it bad?" Kara asked shyly. No stranger to nightmares, she didn't want to pry, but she was curious as to what demons plagued her friend while she slept—there were too many to choose from.

Lena bit her lip. She wanted to tell Kara everything but she also wanted to protect the innocent-looking blonde. She had no idea what had happened to Lena, just that Lena had gone missing then come back, screaming herself awake. She gave Kara a weak smile. "Just my mother. The biggest nightmare of all," she said unconvincingly.

Kara picked up on her hesitation and frowned. "What's wrong?"

Lena looked out Kara's window, not meeting the reporter's eyes. The sun was just rising but Kara looked like she'd been up for hours. "Are you going somewhere?" she avoided the question.

"I was going to stop by Cat Co. and check on the draft. It goes to print tonight and there's an article about you that I wanted to edit before it goes out."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "What article?"

"It's just about how L-Corp's stocks have risen since you disappeared, and that maybe you weren't really kidnapped. Maybe it was all a marketing ploy." Kara touched her glasses frame nervously.

"Are they serious?" Lena sat up indignantly. "I'm going in." She swung her legs off the bed and her body protested, pain shooting through her torso and her temples. Kara caught her and pushed her back into the bed.

"You can't go anywhere, you need rest. I can take care of it," she pushed Lena down again as the latter tried to get out of the bed. "Where are your painkillers? Take some." She looked around for the bottle.

Lena rubbed her eyes and groaned; it felt like a stone column had caught her instead of Kara's arm. "My jacket pocket. I think it's out in the hall."

"Stay here. I'll go get them." Kara glared at Lena until she lay down then hurried out the bedroom door. She was back in moments, the bottle rattling in her hand. "Here. Please don't fight me on this, just take one."

Lena reached for the bottle eagerly and swallowed two of the pills. The second they slid down her throat, she sat up. "Okay. Now I'm going in to work."

"I can't let you do that," Kara took a protective stance in front of the door.

Lena narrowed her eyes. "Your sister may have some power over you, but I'm still your boss. I outrank you."

"You could try to force your way out of here but I wouldn't suggest it." Kara crossed her arms.

 _Feel free to flirt with her. I'm sure you know by now it's hilarious when she's flustered._ Lena smiled to herself and watched Kara carefully. "I wouldn't mind wrestling with you."

Kara opened her mouth and her face turned red. "I mean, if you really want to come in you can. I can take you," she conceded, knowing she would give in to Lena sooner or later. "But I already made you breakfast," she said sheepishly.

Lena smiled in spite of herself. "You did? For me?"

"Yes." Kara looked away. "And I got you that coffee you like from the shop across town."

"You would've had to leave at five a.m. to get back in time with city traffic."

"Um, not really." Kara scratched the back of her neck.

"Not really yes, or not really no?" Lena teased.

"Just appreciate the coffee," Kara rolled her eyes.

"You're my favorite. And Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"Be a dear and call a press conference, will you?"

"I—of course." Kara looked back at Lena and blinked quickly. Her hands fidgeted with her collar; she had put her suit on underneath but she was afraid Lena would catch a glimpse of it. "I'll, um, get right on that." She started to leave the room so Lena could change.

"Thanks, darling," Lena called out cheekily as she left. Kara's face flushed again and she kept her head down, walking faster.

* * *

Kara followed Lena out of the elevator a few steps behind the brunette. The office went deadly silent as they walked toward Lena's office until Eve stepped out from behind her desk with a warm smile.

"Welcome back, Ms. Luthor."

"Thank you. Ms. Teschmacher, right?"

Eve practically beamed. "Yes. Just call me Eve, please."

Lena smiled easily. "Eve it is." She reached out to shake Eve's hand and Kara saw the miniscule change in her face. Lena had taken the sling off before they'd left the apartment despite Kara's objections and now she was paying for it. They walked into the office and Kara closed the glass doors behind her.

"You should really keep the sling on," she said in a concerned voice.

"No. The press conference is in an hour and appearances are everything."

"You were missing for so long and you—and who knows what happened to you all that time? Wearing a sling isn't going to make you seem weak. You're a survivor."

"This isn't a display of strength so much as I'm saying something and I want it to be taken seriously. I don't want to look like I'm an angry woman looking for revenge."

"Revenge. Against Cadmus?"

"Against Supergirl."

There was a tense moment of silence as the two women stared at each other; Lena lifted her chin, she knew Kara wasn't going to take that well but she didn't want to hide anything from her friend.

"For—for what happened to your mother?"

"Yes. My mother was no saint, but Supergirl can't fly around playing god, deciding who lives and dies."

"I don't think that's what happened." Kara's scars ached. She had been checking on them everyday since Lena had pointed them out but they hadn't faded at all.

"And how would you know?"

"I, um, there was—just, I don't think she meant to, that's all," Kara stammered. She went over to the counter and poured a glass of water for Lena, needing to do something with her hands. Lena took it with a strange look at Kara. She waited for the reporter to turn away then opened the pill bottle in her purse quietly, slipping another one into her mouth.

Kara heard the bottle open but thought nothing of it, wrapped up in her thoughts about the upcoming press conference. Lena waved her hand to get the blonde's attention, setting down the glass of water.

"Is everything okay?"

Kara's head snapped up. "Of course. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I've been saying your name for the last few minutes. Are you sure there's nothing bothering you?"

Kara inhaled and held her breath. "It's just," she said after a moment, "should you really publicly denounce Supergirl so soon after your mother's death?"

"She can't go around playing judge, jury and executioner."

"You sound like you're becoming what people expect from a Luthor."

"So you're saying I'm turning into Lex." Lena's tongue clicked on her brother's name and she crossed her arms.

Kara backed off. "No, Lena I don't mean that—"

"You do."

"It's not intentional," Kara sighed, leaving her sentence hanging.

"But there's no such thing as a good Luthor," Lena finished, raising an eyebrow.

"No. You know I've never believed that; I think people should be judged on their own merits."

"I see you've been talking to Supergirl."

"What—what do you mean?" Kara pushed her glasses up her nose and went to refill Lena's water.

"She said the same thing to me, almost word for word."

Kara almost dropped the glass she was holding. "She—she did?" She cursed internally for always forgetting herself around Lena; not separating things Supergirl did from things she did as Kara Danvers, not paying attention to the rest of the world.

Thankfully, Lena was distracted by a stabbing pain in the front of her skull. Kara saw her nose wrinkle and forgot what they were talking about. "What's wrong?" she hurried to the brunette's side. "I told you to wear the sling. What is it? Are the painkillers not working?"

"I don't think so," Lena said through clenched teeth. Her head spun and she closed her eyes, hoping Kara would chalk up her behavior to her injuries. Lena knew better; the weeks spent in the DEO with the IV of morphine had kept her hooked on the drug, and it hadn't helped that unbeknownst to Alex she'd been taking extra pills to feed her habit. Now that she only had the pills she was feeling the effects of withdrawal, but she couldn't run out suspiciously early.

"Do you want another? I can get it for you," Kara x-rayed Lena's body and watched her heart beat slowly, hearing each pulse loudly in her ears. Fumbling for Lena's purse with one hand, she supported her back with the other, lying her down on the couch.

"The press conference," Lena said groggily, sweat beading on her forehead. Kara looked at her anxiously; her overall condition had deteriorated so fast that Lena must have been hiding it for a while. "It's happening soon."

"No, no. You aren't going to that." Kara pushed her down on the couch and brought out the pill bottle, rattling it. "Here, take two."

Lena reached for them eagerly with a shaking hand and Kara held the glass to her lips as she swallowed them down. Her head fell back and she sighed, waiting for the pills to kick in. She tried to rehearse what to say for the press conference but nothing would stick in her brain; her stomach was turning and every time she tried to repeat something in her head she would get distracted by nausea or her head spinning or the smell of Kara's clothes.

Kara waited patiently, the crinkle between her eyebrows lessening as Lena's body relaxed while the drugs took effect. She couldn't sense the calm euphoria Lena was feeling but her breathing evened out and she slowly sat up, holding a hand to her forehead.

"Sorry," she said guiltily. She had started to worry about developing a dependence on the drugs being pumped into her while her mother held her captive, then when she was hooked up to the IV at the DEO—Alex had tried to stop the morphine all at once to give her body time to heal, but she had almost immediately felt the effects of withdrawal and the agent had started them up again. Alex had had a strange expression on when she opened the valve and she hadn't said anything but Lena suspected that she had an inkling of what was going on.

"What are you apologizing for?" Kara smiled weakly. Her initial panic had abated but Lena still looked pale and her hands were shaking in her lap. "I don't think it's a good idea to go ahead with the press conference, maybe you should just put out a statement," she suggested.

"No." Lena was insistent and Kara's eyes widened as she took a step back. "No," she repeated in a softer tone. "I refuse to hide. My mother is dead, but I am not some scared little girl. I won't sit back and let them twist the story. I own a media company for god's sake."

Kara bit her lip. "Lena," she hesitated, "Your mother is not—she wasn't a good person."

"You think I don't know that?" Lena looked up, tears of frustration in her eyes. "After what I've been through, you think I'm elevating her to some kind of saint?"

"What happened while you were gone?" Kara asked quietly. She still hadn't seen what Lillian had done to her daughter, only the aftereffects, and those alone kept her awake at night.

Lena stared at her hands. "It doesn't matter. Years and years of trying to separate myself from the Luthor name, for what? I have to side with my family here. It's the right thing to do, Supergirl be damned." She seemed to be talking to herself more than Kara.

Kara turned away, trying to keep her face impassive. "Why are you so ready to condemn Supergirl?" she said with her back to Lena.

"For one, she seemed perfectly fine neutralizing her enemies with non-lethal methods until her enemy's last name was Luthor. What's to say she won't do the same to me?"

"She wouldn't because you are a _good person,_ Lena."

"And secondly," Lena continued as though Kara hadn't said anything though her friend's words struck a chord in her, "I haven't seen or heard anything from her since it happened. I know she's an all-powerful alien and I'm just—well, I'm just me, but I bet you a million dollars if my last name was Smith, she wouldn't have left me alone. _And_ , maybe, if I wasn't a Luthor, she might even feel bad for what she did."

"She—I'm—" Kara sputtered then took a calming breath and faced Lena. "Lena, I know she feels horrible about what happened. And she isn't staying away from you because your last name is Luthor. It's because she values your opinion too highly and she's afraid that you hate her."

Lena stayed silent, her drug-addled brain trying to follow Kara's thought process. Kara watched her anxiously, hopefully, waiting for her response.

"Maybe," Lena said slowly. The drugs were helping her body but breaking her mind.

"Just give her a chance to explain herself," Kara pleaded. It broke her heart to see Lena using her own name against herself; she was invalidating the person she was, the person she worked so hard to be, because of a single word she never had a choice over.

"I'm proud to be a Luthor," Lena said, making Kara pause.

"You should be," the blonde said carefully, "You should be proud of who you are."

"That's what they told me," Lena said distractedly.

"Who's they?"

Lena didn't answer her, caught up in her memories of torture. Lillian had tried to force her to engineer a second, more potent virus, having her beaten when she didn't comply, but she also told Lena that she had been grooming her to take over Cadmus. In Lillian's sudden absence, the job fell to her and the people Lillian controlled were waiting for her orders. It wasn't indefinite; sooner or later someone would come for her and force her to work for Cadmus, but for now Lena lived with the fear of knowing she was the only thing standing between Cadmus and the rest of the world. She wanted to tell Kara but the reporter had her hands full with everything else.

"Lena, last chance, do you still want to hold this press conference?" Kara's voice broke through her thoughts.

She pursed her lips and nodded. "Yes. You can come, of course."

"Oh, no. I couldn't possibly—I wouldn't want to—"

"Kara, please. You're the ace reporter of Cat Co. and one of my best friends."

"I really—I just have this thing to do," Kara stammered.

"Is this because of your friendship with Supergirl? Look, I realize you may be right. I'll give her a chance to explain herself, but I don't think it'll help. There are things at work here that you don't know about." Lena stood up, bracing herself on the table by the couch.

"I'll try to make it, I promise," Kara said earnestly.

"Alright, I'll see you down there, hopefully." Lena left the office and Kara headed for the window, undoing the buttons on her shirt with one hand and reaching for her phone with the other.

"Alex? I need a favor."

* * *

"Absolutely not."

"Alex, please?"

"I said no, Kara."

"It's for Lena. It's hard to explain but I need the video feed that you said you had." Kara looked down at the street from the roof of Cat Co. to the reporters and paparazzi gathered at the entrance. Ms. Teschmacher was speaking to the crowd and she could see Lena waiting just inside the doors.

Alex shook her head, forgetting Kara couldn't see her over the phone. "I'm not giving it to you. There's a reason J'onn wouldn't let you see it."

"But it's not just for me, don't you understand?"

"What I don't understand is why you aren't hearing me. The answer is no." Alex rolled her eyes and looked over at Winn who was shrugging.

"You're rolling your eyes, aren't you," Kara said accusingly. "Come on, please? For me?"

"No, Kara! Why would I make an exception now?"

"Because it's for Lena!" Kara said as though that would explain everything. "I need to show her what happened."

"You know what happened."

Kara paused. "I can't remember anything clearly. Not after the first bullet."

Alex didn't say anything for a while and Kara listened to her sister breathe through the phone. "What's the last thing you remember?" she said slowly.

"I remember jumping in front of Lena and feeling the bullet...and I remember smelling blood and feeling like my veins were on fire. I remember the other two gunshots, pulling you out of the way, Lillian's voice in my ear. Then...nothing."

Alex swallowed, the vision of her sister bleeding out on the floor flashing through her mind. "You took that bullet for me. The one in your lung, it was meant for me."

"Of course I did. I'd could never sit back and let you get hurt, you're my sister. But what happened after that?"

"You and Lillian fell to the floor. You wrestled for a bit and then the gun went off again. I'll spare you the gory details, but the final bullet killed Lillian. There's no question."

"But did I fire the gun?" Kara said tersely.

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know? You were there!"

"I don't—I was worried about you. I didn't know if you were alive, I just—let me watch it." She nodded to Winn, who hit play on the computer.

The footage from Alex's mission camera started to play. She winced and closed her eyes as she saw Kara take the bullet meant for Lena, only opening them again when the second one whistled through the air. The angle shook and backed up slightly when Kara threw her sister behind her, and a quiet, choked noise worked its way out of Alex's throat as the third one slammed home into Kara's lung. She saw Kara's body twist from the angle off the ground, and saw her shoulder crash into Lillian's body; both of her hands were visibly not on the gun as the final shot rang out and Alex sighed in relief.

"Kara?"

"Yeah?" Kara said breathlessly. She'd heard the shots over the phone and was dreading what Alex might say.

"You didn't do it. You couldn't have, you weren't touching the gun."

Kara closed her eyes. "Alex, send me that video. I'm begging you."

Alex felt her will start to crumble but she didn't give in. "Kara, I don't want you to relive it. I've been shot. I've also seen the mission footage from someone else's body cam, and it does something to you. It makes you think you're weaker than you are, it makes you heal slower. It's a psychosomatic thing, you can't help it."

"It's for Lena," Kara said again.

"No," Alex said, realization dawning on her, "It's for you, too. You really think you killed her. You don't believe me."

"Please, Alex." Kara ignored her sister's comment. "I took a bullet for you and you can't even send me a minute-long video?"

Alex sighed, kicking herself. "I still won't send it to you. But—" Kara started to argue but Alex cut her off. "I'll send it to Lena." Alex gave Winn the number and waited for it to send. "There. All done, now stop worrying."

"Lena? Why Lena?" Kara stepped closer to the edge of the roof. Lena was heading towards the doors, looking at her phone and Kara heard her heartbeat pick up.

"Because maybe she'll be able to convince you that you aren't a killer."

"Alex, wait—" Kara pulled her phone away from her ear; her sister had hung up. "You could at least say 'bye'," she grumbled, putting the phone away. Her cape lifted in the wind and she got ready to fly down to the podium, but just as Lena put her hand on the door to open it, she paused. Kara's gut twisted in anticipation, she didn't know what to say and she was getting nervous. Lena didn't go outside, though, but held up a hand to Ms. Teschmacher.

"If you'll just wait a moment, Ms. Luthor is attending to some business," Eve said smoothly at the cue from her boss. The reporters continued to shout questions but Eve just smiled politely and asked for their patience.

Kara was zeroed in on Lena. Her heart was pounding harder and faster, and she heard her say "oh my god" under her breath before standing up straight, shaking her shoulders back and plastering a calm expression on her face. She opened the door and walked to the podium.

"Thank you all for coming," she started confidently. "I've decided to change this into more of a statement than a conference. I won't be taking your questions, but some of the things I say will answer questions you already have."

There was a collective groan from the gathered group but no one dared to speak out.

"I have three things to say. Firstly, I am back for good. I am taking over Cat Co. and Samantha Arias will remain in place as my CEO at L-Corp. Secondly, my mother's death was no accident, but neither was it a surprise. When you lead the kind of life my mother led, you make enemies. Dangerous ones. And third..." Lena trailed off as Kara swooped down, landing next to her in front of the flashing bulbs and recording devices.

She nodded almost imperceptibly to Lena. "Ms. Luthor."

Lena raised her chin. "Supergirl." She looked back out at the crowd. "I would like to thank Supergirl here for saving my life once again. She is the one responsible for my safe return, and she helped neutralize the very real threat that my mother posed to the city." Lena shot a side glance over to Supergirl. "Did you have anything to say?"

Kara met her eyes and for a moment, the shouting and the cameras faded away. She took a deep breath and turned to face the crowd. "I would just like to say that though National City may still be under threat, I won't stop protecting my city. This is my home too, now. I hope I never let you down." She looked directly into a camera and narrowed her eyes. "And another thing," she said, getting carried away. "Ms. Luthor is under my protection as well. It would be unwise for anyone to come after her. I'll leave it at that." She stepped back and glanced at Lena who was looking at her in confusion. "That's all," she said in a softer voice. She started to turn away but a gasp from Lena made her jerk back. "Ms. Luthor?"

Lena's eyes had gone wide and she was holding her right shoulder to her body with her left hand. Her breathing was coming in shallow pants and her eyes were starting to glaze over as Kara watched. "Where—"

"Lena!" Kara caught her as she stumbled back, shoving the podium away from her. She looked into Lena's eyes and saw pure terror in them, and followed her gaze to a man in the crowd who was holding his phone above his head. Another second and Kara recognized the the song that was playing from the phone's speakers, sounding tinny from several meters away.

" _La Vie en Rose. Edith Piaf. Nineteen seventy-seven classic tune."_

Lena tried to push her way out of Supergirl's grip, pulling Kara's focus from the man. "I need to get out," she said, completely unaware of her surroundings. "Trapped. I'm—I need to—" she choked out, gasping for breath.

Kara shot a startled look at all the cameras that were still rolling and made a split-second decision. Sweeping Lena's legs out from under her, she picked her up bridal style and launched herself into the sky. Lena kept fighting against her, desperate to break away from Kara's steel-like hold on her.

"Ms. Luthor, calm down, you're alright. Nothing can get you up here." Kara tried to calm her down but Lena didn't seem to be able to hear her.

Lena's eyes searched for Supergirl's, her breaths slowing down as something in her registered that she was in the open sky. "The music—"

"I know, I know," Kara said in a soothing voice. "It's gone. I've got you, you're going to be fine." She scanned the buildings near her for a place to take Lena and the first place she saw was Alex's apartment. "Just hold on for a little longer."

Lena seemed to acclimate herself quickly to being in the sky and looked up. "Wait," she said. "Please, just...can we stay here a little longer?"

"Of—of course," Kara answered quickly, caught off guard. Lena's hair had come loose in the flight upwards and the wind was blowing it into her face; she could smell the CEO's shampoo but she shook her head, clearing her thoughts. "Did you want me to fly around?" she asked, remembering that Lena had been kept in a submarine.

"I don't mean to ask so much of you," Lena said quietly, but Supergirl had already started flying slowly, first higher then heading north. Lena could feel her heartbeat through her suit and wondered how someone could seem so alien yet so human at the same time. "What you said about me—"

"I meant it," Kara said seriously. "As long as I'm able to, I'll protect you."

Lena nodded. "Someone...sent me a video. Of the rescue mission you went on."

"Which one?" Kara asked without looking at Lena.

"Me, my—when you saved me." Lena watched as Supergirl swallowed. _Is she nervous?_ "And I must say, I had some...strong opinions of you for a while. But I see now they were unfounded."

Kara looked down into Lena's eyes. In the clear, sunny sky, she could see the difference in her eyes better than when they were on the ground. Lena's left eye had more green in it, whereas her right eye was mostly blue. "I'm glad to hear it," she said slowly. Even at the slowest possible speed, they had reached Alex's apartment. Kara passed it and mapped out a long loop through the city, speeding up slightly so the wind would blow Lena's hair back. "Are you going to tell me what they are?"

"Probably not," Lena admitted. "But there's something you should know." She watched Supergirl's cape flying behind her, her blonde hair streaming loosely. _Why would you ever land on the ground if you could feel like this all the time?_

Kara veered left. "And what's that?"

"When my mother...took me," Lena started. She felt Supergirl inhale deeply but kept going. "She told me that I was raised to take over Cadmus one day. And now that she's dead..."

"You think they're going to come after you," Supergirl finished. "I'll keep a close eye on you, Ms. Luthor, but nothing's going to happen to you."

"It's not just that. They're waiting for orders. From me. And I'm not quite sure what to do, my mother never really went into the details—"

"Let me worry about that, Ms. Luthor. And can I just say, I'm very sorry for your loss." Kara looked down to see Lena's eyes widen.

"Why are you apologizing? She was—it's not your fault." Lena thought about the video that Alex had sent her and paused.

"She was still your mother. I told you before, I know what it's like to be disillusioned with one's parents. I also know what it's like to lose them. I wanted you to know that you weren't alone." Kara saw tears gathering in Lena's eyes and started to float down to the roof of Alex's apartment complex.

"You're from another planet, and yet you always have more humanity than the rest of us. How do you do it?" Lena whispered.

"Because I know what it's like to not belong. To be all alone. And if I can help someone else feel less alone, I'll do whatever it takes." She touched down on the roof but held Lena in her arms. "Whatever it takes."

"Thank you."

* * *

Maggie dropped the razor blade she was holding on the floor as the apartment door opened. "Alex, is that you?" she called out, reaching for a paper towel. Her girlfriend wasn't supposed to be home from the DEO until later that evening and it was only lunchtime. She wouldn't let Maggie go back to work yet and Maggie was going crazy staying in the apartment by herself all day, as was evidenced by the three fresh cuts on her right leg.

"Hello?"

"Kara?" Maggie panicked; she hid the razor and bloody towel under the sink and hurried to open the door, pulling her pants up. She could hide the evidence from Alex, not so much from her sister who had x-ray vision.

"Actually it's—Supergirl."

"Supergirl? Oh." Maggie stopped short as the door opened. Kara was standing over Lena who was sitting on her couch, looking a little worse for wear. "Hello."

"Detective Sawyer." Supergirl stood up and approached Maggie. "Sorry to bother you. And Alex Danvers is on her way here, if that's alright."

"Of course it's alright, she lives here." Maggie peered over Supergirl's shoulder at Lena. "Does she need something?"

"Just water. And if you have any painkillers could you bring them over?"

"Sure. Just give me a second." Maggie headed for the bedroom, avoiding looking at the bathroom door. Guilt weighed her down and she was panicking, wondering when she would get the time to clean everything up before Alex got home. She came back into the room and handed Supergirl a half-filled pill bottle. "The best thing I have for you is leftover OxyContin from when I broke my leg."

"I think that'll do." Kara had filled a glass with water and shook two pills out into her palm. "Ms. Luthor, take these. They'll help with your pain."

Lena's headache had started to return so she swallowed the pills quickly, not listening to Supergirl explaining to Maggie what had happened. As they stopped talking, Maggie's phone buzzed and she turned away from Supergirl to check it.

 _Hey babe. Apparently Kara's coming over with Lena? So I'm heading home. How're you?_

Maggie held up her phone. "You're right, Alex is on her way."

 _I'm good. See you soon._

"I was about to shower, so..." Maggie noticed Kara eyeing her strangely and tried to distract her, her fingers twitching against her leg.

"Oh. Right. Do you mind if Ms. Luthor waits until Alex Danvers arrives? I think she's bringing her sister too."

"She can stay, no problem. I'll just be a few minutes." Maggie headed for the bathroom. "You can stay if you want, wait for Alex and Kara," she said with a glance back at the younger Danvers.

"I can't. I have something to attend to," Supergirl said smoothly.

"Alright then. Lena, you good on the couch?" Maggie paused, the bathroom door halfway open.

Lena's eyes were closed and she had started to fall asleep on the couch. The oxy was more powerful than the morphine pills Alex had given her and she felt like she was wrapped in a warm blanket. "I'm good," she mumbled. Kara looked her up and down then nodded once.

"I'll check on you tomorrow, Ms. Luthor." Supergirl left the room and Maggie watched Lena for a moment.

"Are you sure you're good?"

"Just...tired." Lena relaxed against the couch, her head leaning back. "Need sleep."

"If you need anything, give me a shout." Maggie gave her one more cursory glance then closed the door.

 _Where are you going to hide this shit?_ She turned the water on then opened the sink cabinet, pulling out the blood-stained towel. Tossing it into the bath, she watched the water rinse away the blood for a minute before looking back. She picked up the razor delicately, the edge of it catching her eye. Butterflies started up in her stomach and her skin itched to feel the sharp edge gliding across her skin, but Maggie clenched her other hand into a fist and took a deep breath. Looking in the trash can, she found an empty soap box and shoved it in, closing it up and tossing it back before she did something she'd regret. Sitting down on the floor, she slid her pants halfway down and hissed in a breath as the cotton rubbed against the cuts she didn't have time to cover up. There was blood on her pants and she pressed some toilet paper to the wounds, gritting her teeth. Getting her pants all the way off, she reached back into the cabinet under the sink and brought out the medical supplies Alex had bought after the first night she'd seen the cuts. Little did she know that Maggie was blowing through the supply, but she hadn't checked the box. Maggie put a bandaid on; she never bothered with cleaning the cuts; and stood up slowly. Another minute and she shut off the water, wringing out the now-clean towel. She cracked the door and saw Lena sleeping on the couch, and decided to make a break for it; she speed-walked to the bedroom in her shirt and underwear, tossing the dirty pants into the laundry hamper and slipping on a pair of pajama pants just in time to hear Alex's key in the lock.

"Maggie?"

"Hey babe." Maggie walked out of the bedroom, her chest lifting the way it always did when Alex walked into the room. She could still picture the blood dripping off the razor and she clenched her stomach to stop the butterflies, the feeling that she needed more, that she needed to do it again.

Alex kissed her lightly and saw Lena on the couch. "Where's Kara?" she asked once she saw that the CEO was sleeping.

"She was supposed to be coming with you. You didn't see her on the way here?"

"She's right here." Kara entered the room and immediately went over to Lena. She was holding the sling that Lena had left at her house and gently put it back on, careful not to wake her friend. "Sorry. I had to go back for this."

"No problem." Alex cleared her throat. "So did she convince you?"

Kara brushed Lena's hair back out of her face. "I think so. I mean, I still haven't seen what happened but if she says it wasn't my fault, I guess..." Kara trailed off uncertainly.

"I promise you it's not." Alex went over to give her sister a comforting hug. "What happened? Why did you bring her here?"

Kara stepped back. "We were at the press conference," she pictured the crowd easily, "And someone was playing the song. The french song that Maggie knew."

"Vie en Rose?"

"Yeah, that one." Kara sat down at the counter and took her glasses off, rubbing her eyes. "It must have triggered something in her, because she started to freak out. She was acting like she was still trapped in that metal room. So I had to get her out of there; I just flew away with her and then she wanted to stay up there for a while, so we looped around the city before I brought her here."

"But why'd you bring her here?" Alex asked.

"Because the press most likely trying to find her and I didn't go to my place. I wasn't really thinking"

"That's fine," Maggie spoke up. "I'm glad you came over. Alex won't let me go to work so I've been sitting alone losing my mind."

"It's not that I won't let you go back to work, Maggie," Alex said exasperatedly. She had been hiding things from Maggie but it looked like they were about to come out.

"Then what?"

"It's because I keep getting calls from Timothy Denfield."

"Why didn't you tell me? He asked me come back to work after I resigned, you just haven't let me go in."

"Because, Mags, he wants to talk to you about the investigation."

Maggie knit her eyebrows. "The investigation?"

"You. Your investigation. About, you know..." Alex shot Kara a glance, too afraid to go into details. Her sister knew what had happened but not the specifics, and she didn't want her to.

Maggie's jaw clenched. "I told him I'd come back as long as he promised to drop the investigation. Collins got fired, he's moving several states away and he's on the registry."

"You know that's not good enough. He could still—he'll do it to someone else." Alex stuffed her hands in her pockets.

"Can we just not talk about this right now?" Maggie stared at the ground.

"Kara?"

The Danvers sisters both turned at the sound of Lena's voice and Kara hurried over to her, crouching down.

"Hey. Hey, you're okay. We're at my sister's apartment. Do you remember what happened?"

"Not really." Lena's eyes were barely open but she frowned. "I remember the press, then...then I was flying. You were right, Kara." Lena let her head fall back. "Supergirl didn't do it."

"Oh. Is that what you talked about?" Kara reached up to fix her glasses then panicked when she realized she'd left them on the table. She looked away from Lena and thankfully her sister was thinking the same thing, because she grabbed Kara's glasses and held them out to her. "I'm glad you got that sorted," she said, leaning closer after putting her glasses back on. "Do you need anything?"

"No, I just want to sleep. Your hair looks nice," Lena mumbled. "I like the windswept look. You look like you've been flying, but I've been flying. Hm." She lapsed into incoherent mutterings and closed her eyes.

Kara smiled guiltily, her hands hurrying to flatten her hair. "Okay. I'll let you sleep."

"And I'll go make some pasta," Maggie said quickly, leaving Alex to stare after her.

"Show me the video." Alex jumped as Kara whispered in her ear.

"No," she hissed back. "I told you already."

"Oh, come on Alex."

"How about we talk about something more important, your scars?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

Kara leaned back, a hand pressed to her stomach. "I don't know why they aren't fading. It's strange."

"Maybe if you ask Lena out they'll disappear," Alex said snidely as Maggie bustled around the kitchen.

Kara flushed. "That doesn't make any—oh, stop messing with me." She punched Alex lightly in the arm. "I'm being serious. They even hurt sometimes."

"I can check you out at the DEO later if you want," Alex offered, frowning. "I don't know why that kryptonite left a scar. And by the way, J'onn's been looking into the synthetic K signal we tracked to Lena's house."

"Kryptonite." Lena mumbled, raising up. "I need to go home." Kara supported her with an arm and helped her sit up.

Alex narrowed her eyes. "That sounds super innocent and not at all evil from someone who's brother tried to kill Superman," she hissed under her breath to her sister.

"Shut up. Can you take her home?" Kara saw Lena's eyelids flutter and lowered her voice.

"Why do I have to take your girlfriend home?" Alex jerked her thumb at Maggie. " _My_ girlfriend's making an early dinner. You can handle yours, it'll be cute."

"She's not my girlfriend. And I just can't exactly zip on over to somewhere developing kryptonite, can I?" Kara said quietly with a look at Lena. "I know she can't be to blame for it. I was at her house a few months ago and nothing happened."

"A lot can happen in a month, if life has anything to say about it." Alex watched Maggie wistfully. She was constantly worrying about the cop, wondering if she was okay at home all alone, but Maggie had brushed off her offer to bring her into the DEO. Since she'd seen the cuts Maggie had been more open with her, she thought, but she hadn't shown her anything else since that night. "Am I taking her to her own house?"

"Yes," Lena said before Kara got a chance to contradict her. "My house. I need to go home."

Kara bit her lip then nodded at Alex. "It's fine. I'll listen for her but I can't keep her away from her own house. She's not a prisoner."

"Can you carry her down to my car, at least? Not all of us have arms of steel."

"Will you stop? Kara said flustered, with a side glance at Lena. The brunette seemed too out of it to understand what Kara was saying, but she couldn't be too careful.

"Fine. Just bring her down. Maggie, I'll be back soon," Alex called out to her girlfriend.

"Better hurry back or I'm going to eat all this pasta." Maggie came up and kissed her on the cheek. "Drive safe. Don't blow up the car."

"Piss off," Alex said with a snort. "You know you love me."

"I do."

Kara smiled watching them banter. She imagined one day talking to someone like that, and for some reason her mind dredged up Lena. She saw herself bickering with Lena decades into the future but in a loving way; who gets to cook, waking up too early, why each person missed a lunch appointment. "Come on," she said quietly, helping Lena off the sofa. She took her in her arms bridal style and looked to Alex to take the lead. "Let's go."

"You smell nice," Lena mumbled into Kara's shirt and the blonde smiled nervously. "I can hear your heartbeat. It's strong, like you. "

Alex snickered as her sister turned red. "Come on, let's leave before you melt through the floor."


	26. 26) Lena finds out

Lena screamed herself awake, wishing she was back in Kara's apartment. After Alex had dropped her off she had gone to the basement to see if anything in her lab had been moved—it hadn't, and there was no sign of the kryptonite she'd overheard Kara and Alex muttering about. Climbing the stairs to her bedroom, she'd texted Jess to bring her things over from Cat Co. and fallen asleep before she'd even changed out of her work clothes.

Part of her missed having Kara fluttering around her and taking care of her, but since she'd come back to National City she hadn't had a moment to herself. She wanted to break down without Kara's watchful hovering; she knew Kara wouldn't have minded but Lena felt strangely about being so vulnerable in front of her friend, even though Kara had seen her when she could barely move. As a Luthor, she knew she couldn't show the public too much emotion or they would take it and twist it; either she was breaking down because she was truly evil and mourned her mother, or she had some hand in her mother's death and was over doing the reaction—both things had already been said by news stations and she hadn't even commented until today. Kara had of course tried to convince her that neither statement was true, but after hearing them so many times Lena wasn't even sure how she felt and she didn't want to bring down Kara's mood with her own skulking.

But now she was alone staring forlornly at her bedroom ceiling and hoping that Kara would somehow hear her and come knocking at her door. Her phone buzzed and she reached for it eagerly but it was just Jess saying she was leaving the office and would get there soon. Lena sighed and scrolled through her messages aimlessly, cursing her chronic nightmares for ruining her sleep. The last text she'd received was from a blocked number and it was the video that had shaken her up right before she'd gone in front of the cameras. It showed the room she'd been kept in from a different angle than the camera in the corner; presumably it was from a body cam. Lena hit play, watching it again. Her nose almost touched the screen as she soaked in the details that her own memory didn't have. The angles changed quickly between her mother brandishing a gun and Supergirl trying to talk her down, but the video didn't have any sound. She saw Lillian's gun point down to the floor at her and saw Supergirl throw herself in front of the bullet as the gun powder flashed, she saw Supergirl lying on the floor by her own body then Lillian bringing the gun up to point at whoever was wearing the camera. A split-second passed and the angle shifted violently, sending the person to the ground and they looked up in time for Lena to see Supergirl crash into her mother, her arms flailing wildly. Lena couldn't see the gun but there was no way Supergirl killed her mother; falling to the ground would've broken a bone at most but she couldn't have pulled the trigger.

Her finger hovered over Kara's contact, tempting her to call her friend and ask her over to explain away the rift she'd created between her, Kara and Supergirl. The sound of a vehicle approaching caught her attention and Lena sat up. She heard the door open and smoothed out her clothes.

* * *

Kara was pacing Alex's apartment anxiously. She had heard Lena scream from across the city and was warring with herself between showing up at Lena's door and waking up Alex to send DEO agents over. Her phone buzzed and she answered it breathlessly before it finished the first ring. "Hello?"

"Shoot, I didn't mean to call. Jess, is that you?"

"What's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?" Kara played with her hair nervously and she hurried to the window.

"No. I mean yes, but that's not why I called. I hit the button by accident."

"Oh." Kara already had half her body out the window. Her voice dropped, sounding slightly disappointed.

"Kara, get down from there." Alex shuffled into the room in her sweatpants and jacket blinking sleep from her eyes. She had unintentionally fallen asleep watching Maggie in bed, meaning to stay up with her sister. "What are you doing?"

"Get down? Where are you?" Lena asked.

"Lena, hang on a second." Kara hopped inside then turned to her sister, putting the call on mute. "I heard her screaming. She must have had a bad dream, then she called me. Why are you up?"

"Can't sleep. I'm too worried about Maggie."

"Anything specific or just the whole..."

"The whole situation." Alex hesitated. "But also just the fact that she doesn't want to do anything about it. That's not like Maggie at all; she's come home ranting about a criminal and how they need to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, and now she doesn't want to press charges or anything!" Alex took a deep breath and looked down at the phone in Kara's hand. "Do you need to get back to that?"

The sounds of a commotion were coming through the speakers and Kara held the phone up, unmuting the call. "Lena? Are you still there?"

"Who are you, what do you want?!"

Kara met Alex's panicked look. "Someone's there. Someone's at her house."

Alex thought for a moment then took the phone from Kara, who had gone still. "Lena, can you hear me?"

"Get away from me!"

"Lena, it's Alex. I'm heading for you right now so stay on the line." Alex tossed Kara the phone and ran to scribble a note to Maggie, her gun already in her waistband. Sam had given it back to her the day after they'd brought Lena home and it hadn't left her side since. "You're not going," she said shortly to her sister.

Kara had already changed into her Supergirl suit and was rambling into the phone but she stopped at Alex's words. "What? Of course I'm going."

"Not if there's kryptonite, you aren't. It's not safe."

Kara shot her a warning look, nodding to the phone. "Kryptonite is safe for humans. I'm going," she insisted.

"You aren't and that's final," Alex countered, reverting into the voice she used to boss Kara around with when they were younger.

Kara raised her eyebrows angrily. "Alex, I don't have time to argue with you. I'm going."

Alex groaned, knowing they were wasting precious seconds. "Take me there and then you leave _right after._ You do not get to stick around or I swear I won't update you on a mission for a month."

"Fine," Kara lied easily. Normally she was a horrible liar but she would say anything that would get her to Lena faster. She handed her sister the phone and grabbed her waist, soaring out the window.

They touched down outside Lena's house a minute later; Alex knew her sister was fast but Kara was practically out of breath as they hurried to the door.

Alex held up a hand; the door was cracked open and they could hear voices from inside.

A male, robotic-sounding voice; "Join Cadmus. It is what you are meant to do. It is who you are meant to be. Join the cause."

Then Lena's voice, cold and calm. "I'll never do what you want. My mother tortured me for days and I didn't give her what she wanted, do you really think I'd listen to you? I don't even know who you are."

"I am Cadmus. Join me. You're a Luthor, it's in your blood." The man's voice was gravelly and Alex slipped inside, cocking her gun. When Kara followed her in, Alex narrowed her eyes and shot her sister an accusing look.

 _You should've known she'd lie to you. It's Kara and Lena, for Christ's sake._ Alex kicked herself mentally then focused on the task at hand. Neutralize the threat, secure Lena. And watch out for her sister, because apparently Kara didn't play by the rules when Lena was involved.

"Don't you watch the news? I'm just the estranged daughter. I'm not a Luthor, and I'm not the golden boy. I'm the bitch that turned her mother in then got her killed."

"Come with me. You can rise above your position here. No one in this city will ever truly separate you from the actions of your family, so why not give in? Let's see if you have a darker side."

"You don't know anything about my darker side. And it's because I've given in to it before that I refuse to now," Lena said coldly.

"Wrong. You've given in to it every day since you returned. I see your hands shaking, see the sweat beading on your brow. I bet you feel nauseous right now; your eyes are watering, you can't sleep. Do you know what that feeling is?"

Kara shot Alex a confused look but Alex shook her head and pointed to the doorway. She held up her fingers to count down.

 _Three, two..._

"You can come out now, Agent Danvers."

Alex's head whipped around and she brought her gun up.

"I can hear your heartbeat. I can hear yours too, Supergirl."

"Supergirl, don't come in here! He has kryptonite."

At Lena's words Kara's jaw clenched. She knew Lena wouldn't lie to Supergirl but she couldn't sense any kryptonite; if it was in the next room she would have felt the effects from its close proximity.

"It doesn't seem like it," Supergirl called through the doorway.

Once again, Lena experienced the strange phenomenon of thinking it was Kara speaking to her until Supergirl stepped into the room, Alex following close behind. Their voices sounded exactly alike until Lena saw who was speaking and Kara always had a cheery, flustered air that Lena couldn't see anywhere in Supergirl's countenance.

"I figured you might come." There was a bulky figure standing with his back to the door, staring Lena down over the back of her couch. Kara felt an irrational bolt of anger shoot through her as she recognized the couch she'd slept over on so many weeks ago. "But I'm only interested in Ms. Luthor here." He fingered something in his pocket and the beginning strains of french music started to play.

Lena immediately went still, her throat closing up. Panic clawed at her chest and her knees bent against her will; they hit the floor and she curled into the fetal position, her hands covering her ears. Kara stepped forward, her arms reaching to catch Lena, but at the same time the man took a step back and she stopped, her muscles tensing. He pulled a phone out of nowhere and tossed it at Lena; it hit her arm and she flinched, making Kara's blood boil. "You know," he said with a grim chuckle, "She may be a Luthor, but she was telling the truth." He hit something on his chest and launched himself backwards at Kara; she barely had time to grab Alex's arm and shove her to the side. Too late, Alex and Kara saw that his bulky size was due to a metal suit that covered most of his body. It started to glow bright green and Kara felt the beginning effects of kryptonite right before he crashed into her sending them both tumbling through the door frame. Kara struggled to her feet, her bones feeling like molten lead.

Alex was torn between helping her sister and Lena, who was still curled up on the floor. She tried to aim at the man but she couldn't get a clean shot. Remembering what Kara had said about the music triggering Lena's panic attack before, Alex looked around for the phone. It had bounced off Lena's arm and slid under the couch, and Alex scrambled to grab it before the fighting escalated.

"I don't want to hurt you," she heard her sister say.

"Then get out of the way," the man growled back.

The wall shook and Alex heard something slam into the door frame. "Supergirl?!" Another glance at Lena and Alex tossed the phone away from her, closed one eye and fired two rounds into it. The music stopped immediately but looking back at Lena, the CEO was still on the ground gasping for air. Alex hurried to help her sister, leaving Lena on the floor. She threw herself into the fight after taking a second to gauge the situation; the man had gained the upper hand and was forcing Kara down the hall, landing hard hits now and then as she succumbed to the kryptonite. Alex ran up behind him and put him in a headlock, the cool metal of his suit pressing into her arm. "Who are you?"

"Cadmus. We only want Ms. Luthor. Do not interfere," the man ground out. His elbow bent back at an unnatural angle and he slammed his fist into Alex's temple; she cried out and fell back, her hands clutching her head. He pressed his advantage and twisted around, shoving Alex against the wall with his elbow while his other arm fended off Kara. Whoever he was, he'd been trained for years and knew what he was doing. Right as Alex started to feel light-headed, he let her go and she slid down the wall, gasping for breath. Kara leaned into a punch but the man caught her fist in an unrelenting grip and twisted her arm, bringing her to her knees.

"We don't have to fight. We can talk this through." Kara winced as the man pulled her arms behind her back. She could see Lena lying on the ground but her vision blurred as the kryptonite burned her skin.

"If you would just be on your way, I'll take Ms. Luthor here and no one has to get hurt."

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" Alex rasped. She had caught her breath and was pointing her gun at the back of the man's head.

"Wait, Alex, wait! I know you." Kara tried to look behind her at the man. "I've seen your face before." His face was half metal, half flesh, but what was left of his skin and the way his face moved was achingly familiar to her.

Alex stepped forward until the barrel of the gun was an inch away from his head. "Turn around _slowly_ ," she said in a demanding voice.

He chuckled. "I guess the game is up, girls." He slid his hands into his pockets and Kara stood up. Lena had pulled herself onto the couch and was watching what was happening like a bizarre scene from a play. The man turned around slowly, his hand grasping a stun grenade in his pocket, and smiled.

Alex felt the blood drain from her face. The man in front of her was cybernetic Superman, but he didn't look like Hank Henshaw. "Dad?" her whisper came out broken but she didn't lower her gun.

"Sorry, sweetie. Your daddy's gone." His grin widened and he yanked the pin out of the stun grenade. In slow motion Kara saw that Lena would be mostly shielded by the couch and she turned, pinning her sister to the wall with her back to Jeremiah. The loud bang in the close quarters felt like it shattered her ear drums; the smoke cleared but the ringing in her ears continued as she stumbled forward.

"Alex! Alex, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Where's dad?" The older Danvers looked around frantically for her father, but Jeremiah was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

"What happened!?" Sam bustled into Kara's apartment.

"Cadmus. They've officially started trying to recruit me," Lena said without looking up from the chessboard in front of her. Kara was sitting cross-legged on the floor opposite her with a deep frown. Kryptonians were smarter than the average human, but Lena had been checkmating her for the last half-hour. Kara moved her pawn up a space, biting her lip.

"Okay, you're going to have to give me a little more than that." Sam put her purse down and looked around. "I thought you said Alex was with you?"

"Bedroom," Kara pointed behind her. "She probably wants to be alone."

"Why?"

Kara glanced at Sam and swallowed. "It's..." She looked at Lena, giving her permission to explain.

"Her dead father came back to life, betrayed everyone, and now it looks like he was second in command at Cadmus." She moved her knight forward and smirked. "Checkmate."

"Again?" Kara groaned. "Let's play monopoly instead."

Sam pointed a finger at Kara. "That's a horrible idea. You know she's the CEO of a billion-dollar _business_ , right?"

"True," Lena agreed as she started to clean up the pieces. "I'll go get the box."

"Just to check, am I the only one who's more than mildly worried about what's happening?" Sam shook her head in disbelief. "If Cadmus tried to recruit Lena, why are you both sitting here playing board games?"

"Because the DEO is swarming Lena's house and she had to go somewhere. And I need to keep an eye on my sister." Kara looked at the wall, not through it. Alex hadn't said a word since they'd left Lena's house and she wanted to give her some privacy. The last time Jeremiah had turned up, the sisters had split sides over his loyalty and Alex had been destroyed when he had disappeared again after betraying them. Kara had heard her sister crying when they first arrived; Alex had gone into her bedroom and locked the door, breaking down where no one could see her. Kara had to jump out the window when Lena wasn't looking, then slip back in like she had just left her bedroom. She had suggested doing something to pass the time until J'onn called them in and that's when Lena had seen the chess board.

"And I'm in denial." Lena sat back down, the monopoly box in her hand. "Are you playing?"

Sam sighed. She knew Lena's voice well enough to know she wasn't in denial, just hiding her emotions away from the world. She knew that seemingly apathetic tone she was using, and it was reminiscent of a younger Lena, one who had to be cold and emotionless to fend off the sting of years of accusation, one who had to denounce her own family to please the rest of the world and was still hated for it. She also knew it was no use trying to comfort Lena until the latter's self-loathing passed, so she sat down, giving in. "Fine. I'm the hat. Where's Maggie?"

"Still asleep at Alex's place. I'm the dog," Kara sing-songed, placing the piece on 'Go'.

"I'm the iron." Lena reached for the piece but Kara made a face. "What's that look for?"

"The iron? That's so...domestic. I would've figured you to be the boat, or maybe the car."

Sam watched as Lena raised an eyebrow at her friend. Lena always played as the iron, and Lena always won.

"Alright," she said smoothly. "Boat it is." With a side glance at Sam, Lena put the piece on the board and they started rolling the dice to see who would go first. Within fifteen minutes, Lena owned all the orange, red and green properties and three out of four of the railroads. She had been trying to buy Park Place off of Kara every time it was her turn and the blonde was withering away under her advances.

"I mean, what the hell." Sam rolled her eyes as Lena gleefully collected her property tax. "Is there no loyalty?"

"I'm still in jail," Kara said glumly.

"At this rate, it might be safer just to stay in there. You only have what, seven hundred dollars? Lena over here has deluxe penthouse suites built all over this board; one wrong move and you're going to debtor's prison." Sam rolled the dice and landed on free parking. "Yes!"

"Twenty-four hundred dollars? That'll get you nowhere."

"Stop trying to psych me out, Luthor," Sam scoffed and filed away her money.

Kara picked up the dice. "Just so you know," she said jokingly, "If you bankrupt me I'll never forgive you." She got out of jail and started down the board. "Six," she said as the dice stopped rattling. "Oh no." Her face fell.

Lena smirked. "That's St. James Place. Maybe if you had sold me Park Place, I could've let this one slide for fifty percent."

"I still wouldn't have enough money!" Kara protested.

"Pity." Lena held out her hand. "Pay up."

Kara handed over the last of her money with a defeated sigh. "I'm going to go check on Alex." She started to get up.

"No, wait. I'll go." Sam pulled Kara back down to the ground. "You just sit here and glare at Lena. Don't forget she just took away the income you needed to feed your kids and pay your mortgage."

"Yeah, Lena. Think of the kids." Kara smiled winningly. "Or just give me five thousand dollars."

"Not a chance." Lena started to count her money. "You had the opportunity to buy North Carolina Avenue. You didn't."

"I couldn't afford it after landing on your Atlantic Avenue!"

"You could've if you'd just _sold me_ Park Place!"

Sam smiled to herself as Lena and Kara's bickering faded away behind her and she knocked on Kara's bedroom. "Alex? Are you in there?"

"Go away," came the gruff reply; the disappointing but expected slur obvious in her voice.

"Alex, it's Sam." She tried the handle but it was locked.

"I said go away."

"Look, you don't have to talk to me. I just don't think you should be alone."

Alex laughed harshly. "You're a certified genius." There was a long silence and just as Sam was turning away the door cracked open and Alex's right eye peeked out. "What do you want?"

Sam took a step back and glanced down the hall. She could hear Kara and Lena's quiet conversation and hoped Kara wasn't paying attention to what her sister was doing; the unmistakable smell of liquor was rolling off of Alex and hit Sam like a physical wall. "Jesus," she said under her breath. She pushed her way in and closed the door behind her, locking it again. "Okay. Wow, okay." She looked around at, a loss for words.

A duffel bag that had presumably once been full of alcohol bottles was open on the floor, most of the bottles were half-empty and standing around the room, or they were lying on the floor, completely drained. Alex was slumped over Kara's small desk, a bottle hanging from her fingers.

"Let me take that." Sam reached for the bottle but Alex shoved her away drunkenly, almost falling over with the motion.

"Say something or get out." She took a sip then held the bottle away from her, trying to read the label. After a few seconds she gave up and started to chug it and Sam saw that it was vodka.

"Alex, let's slow down there." Sam sat on the edge of Kara's bed."I'm not asking you to stop drinking, I'm asking you to slow down," she said in a reasonable tone. She knew Alex had to stop or she was going to pass out but she also knew Alex wasn't relinquishing her hold on that bottle any time soon. "Alex?" she said as the other woman fell to the floor. "Alex!" Alex had slid off the desk and slumped to the floor, spilling vodka over herself. Sam rushed over and lifted her head up. "Alex, can you hear me? Open your eyes!" Sam slapped her across the face but she didn't respond. She could hear Kara and Lena hurrying down the hall and a second later Kara had forced the door open.

"Alex!" Kara's voice broke and she stared as Sam cradled her sister on the floor. She froze, unsure of what to do. The idea that her sister would be drinking hadn't even occurred to her; as far as she knew Alex had been sober since before they brought Lena home. Her sister looked pale and weak and Kara felt her heart stop.

"She's not breathing, I think she has alcohol poisoning." Sam looked up frantically. "Do something!"

Lena had been looking to Kara for guidance but when the blonde didn't move, she broke into action. "Sit her up, I'll be right back." She ran out of the room and tore through Kara's cabinets looking for dish soap. "Bingo," she muttered, squeezing some into a cup. She filled the cup with water and swirled it around with her finger to mix the soap as she ran back, spilling some onto the floor. "Here, tilt her head back and make her drink this." She knelt by Sam and poured her homemade concoction down Alex's throat. It went down smoothly the first few seconds until Alex shuddered and coughed, spitting it back up. She rolled out Sam's arms and Lena had the wherewithal to shove a trash can into her face right before she puked. Her shoulders shook as she retched, gasping in air when she got the chance. There was nothing in her stomach but alcohol and Lena and Sam leaned back, their noses wrinkling at the foul smell.

When she was done, Alex fell back and Kara watched her chest heave with every breath. Now she knew how Alex felt the night that Jeremiah betrayed her; hurt, furious, guilty. "Alex..."

"Not now, Kara." Alex's voice was hoarse as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "Just go. Please." Kara stayed rooted to the spot and Alex groaned, her eyes closing. "Lena, make her leave," she slurred.

Lena eyed Kara cautiously. Kara's hands were shaking in fists at her sides and she bit her lip. "I think...if Kara wants to stay, she should."

"Sam," Alex pleaded. Her voice was weak and she felt lightheaded; she knew she was seconds away from passing out and the fact that Kara would have to watch that happen was hurting her heart.

Sam deliberated for a second then stood up. "Kara, come with me."

"I'm not going anywhere," Kara said at the same time Lena said "Sam, what are you doing?"

"I need to talk to you. Privately," Sam added.

"Anything you say to me I'll just tell Lena later," Kara said pointedly. She saw Lena help Alex sit up so her sister could vomit again and she closed her eyes.

"Just make this a little easier for your sister, alright? Come with me into the other room," Sam insisted.

"Fine." The last thing Kara saw was Lena rubbing Alex's back then Sam closed the door, shutting her off. "I don't—did you know about this?"

"I didn't know the extent of it," Sam said carefully.

Kara exhaled, shuddering. "But you did know."

Sam hesitated. "Maybe you should sit down." She guided Kara over to the abandoned Monopoly game but the blonde remained standing.

"What is it?"

Sam took a deep breath. "A few weeks ago, there was an...incident at my house."

"How long ago are we talking?"

"The day you rescued Lena. The night before, really. When Ruby was still here. Alex, she..."

"She what?" Kara said with apprehension.

"She almost shot herself."

Kara sat down heavily. "What do you mean?"

"She had her gun out, and—"

"Was she drunk?"

"Yes." Sam sat down next to her.

"She needs to be more careful. She could've shot her leg off, or—" Sam put a hand on Kara's leg, cutting her off.

"That's not what happened." She silently willed Kara to understand what she was saying but the younger Danvers knit her eyebrows.

"She didn't get shot." Kara waited for Sam to continue.

"She didn't. There's no easy way to say this, Kara, but she tried to shoot herself."

Kara's face blanched. "You said it was an accident—"

"No, I didn't. She was drunk, she was crying, I don't know what was going on with her exactly. But Ruby had to convince her to let go of the gun."

Kara's expression changed from fear to worry. "Ruby? Is she alright? Oh, Rao, you should've told me. I never would have let her near a weapon after that."

"Calm down, Kara. She asked me not to tell you, but I knew I was going to eventually."

"Eventually?! What's eventually? Months from now? Years? After she—after she kills herself?" Kara put her head in her hands.

"She's been meeting with me. I didn't know she'd been drinking, but I had a sneaking suspicion. I was planning on talking to her about it, I'm sorry I didn't sooner."

"It's not your fault," Kara said angrily. Frustration was bubbling up under her skin; Alex always treated her like a child that didn't know anything about the real world. "We used to talk about everything, now she won't even tell me when things like this happen. I don't understand what's going on with her."

"It's not her fault either," Sam defended Alex. "The only reason Lena knew what to do was because she's done the same thing with me."

Kara's eyes flicked up to Sam's impassive face. "You?"

"I had a...problem. With drugs. I'm sure Lena can explain it to you. But Alex isn't in control anymore."

"I'm not trying to accuse her. I just...I want to support her but I don't know how to when she won't talk to me." Kara groaned. "I thought throwing her in jail would do it."

Sam pursed her lips. "Well it didn't. I don't know what it would take but letting her try to figure it out for herself isn't working." Kara's head raised; she could hear Alex vomiting through the walls and Lena murmuring comfortingly and Sam had to snap her fingers to get her attention. "So what should we do? Take her to the hospital?"

"No. She'd be too vulnerable there. Somewhere else." Kara took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes.

"Somewhere with hospital-level medical equipment? Where exactly are you planning on going?"

"There's not a lot of options, Sam. The only place left is the DEO, but I don't want people to see her and—" She sat up suddenly. "We could...I could put her in containment. And lock her in there until her body flushes everything out."

"You want to lock her up for detox? That's going to be hell."

"It's hell right now," Kara said in a matter of fact tone.

"Detox from alcohol versus drugs might be a little different but it's no picnic—"

"You're right it is different. It's my sister." Kara stood up decisively. "I'm taking her there. Now." She headed for the bedroom; a part of her wanted Sam to stop her but the older woman watched her go in silence.

Kara paused in the doorway. Alex had passed out again and Lena had pulled her head into her lap. "Hey," she said quietly, not wanting to startle her.

The brunette looked up. "Hey. She's sleeping and I'm pretty sure there's nothing left in her stomach."

"Yeah. Listen, I'm really grateful for everything you've done but this isn't your problem. You're dealing with so much already, you don't need to add more to your plate right now." Kara felt tears welling up in her eyes and tried to wipe them away without Lena noticing but there was no way to hide it.

"Hey, hey, no. Come here." Lena patted the ground next to her without waking Alex. Kara sat down, her shoulders slumping. "So what's the plan? Sounds like you and Sam came to a decision."

"Kind of. I'm taking her to the DEO where she can dry out far way from the real world she can't seem to handle."

"And what about you?"

"Me?"

Lena nodded. "Of course. What are you going to do while she's 'drying out'?"

"Go to work, I guess."

"Wrong."

Kara looked up and sniffled. "Wrong? What do you think I should do?"

Lena looked her friend up and down. For so long, Alex had been the protector, the older sister that always came between her sister and the world. She could see that crumbling in Kara's eyes. "For starters, I think you should stay with me."

"I can't—"

"And as your boss, I'm putting you on forced paid vacation. So you can either be there for your sister or grief-bake at my house, it's up to you."

"I can't impose on you like that." Kara was already thinking nervously of what she would say when Supergirl needed to help someone and she was staying at Lena's house.

"You can. My house is empty aside from the security that man J'onn is no doubt setting up as we speak, and I'd much rather you stay with me than come back here every night."

"You'd do that for me?" Kara said hopefully.

"Of course I would! Because I—because what are friends for?" Lena caught herself. She leaned forward to wipe the tears off Kara's face and Alex groaned, waking up.

"Kara? Where's dad? What are you doing here?"

"We're going to take care of you," Kara said gently, helping her sister sit up. She saw Alex's face twitch and reached for the trash can. "You're okay. You're going to be okay." Kara rubbed her sister's back as she dry heaved violently over the bin looking pale, sweat dripping down her forehead.

"Aren't you supposed to be in school?" Alex said slowly when the wave of nausea had passed.

"What? No, Alex, I—we're taking you to the DEO. You need to rest."

"Where's dad?"

Kara shot Lena a worried look. "He's—he disappeared. Don't you remember?"

"He's gone? Someone has to tell mom, she doesn't know." Alex tried to push herself off the ground but her arms wouldn't hold her weight and Kara had to catch her.

"Mom knows, Alex. Alex, do you know where you are?" Kara said in a voice tinged with worry.

"Kara, hold on. I think she's just a little disoriented." She saw Alex's dazed expression and lowered her voice. "She isn't looking too good." Lena rubbed Alex's shoulder. "Alex, it's Lena. I'm going to come with you and your sister, okay?"

"Lena?" Alex's eyes widened and Kara them dart back and forth. "She's gone too. I have to be the one to tell Kara. It's my fault she's gone."

"I'm not gone, I'm right here with your sister."

"Alex, it's me." Kara's face loomed over her and Alex let out a relieved breath.

"Kara." She pulled her sister into a hug. "You're okay! I saw you get shot."

Lena raised an eyebrow as Kara pulled Alex's arms away from her neck. "You're dreaming, Alex. Come on, let's get you up."

"I'll help you." Lena took Alex's other arm and draped it across her shoulders. "We can take my car."

"How else would you get there?" Kara turned her face away as the three of them stood up, Alex hanging between them.

"I don't know, maybe Supergirl will show up like a taxi," Lena said sarcastically.

"Ha, yeah, that would be—that would be, um, crazy." Kara blushed and put her arm around Alex's waist, lifting her up.

"I'm kidding. I'm sure she has more important things to do than help me carry your sister." Lena put an arm around Alex's waist and brushed Kara's hand, sending goosebumps up her own arm. Ignoring them, she grasped Alex's waist and helped carry her to the door. Kara's sister was surprisingly light for someone that was solid muscle; with all the training she did Alex should've weighed more based on sheer muscle mass. They passed Sam who was on the phone in the living room and she waved at them.

"Is that my phone?" Lena asked after Sam had hung up.

"Yes it is. And that was Cat Grant."

"Cat Grant? It's not even dawn." Kara looked confused.

"She has some thoughts on the rapidly changing stocks of Cat Co. She's invited you to brunch."

"Shit," Lena groaned. "I was supposed to call her a few days ago."

"A few days ago you were supposed to be resting. Why are you scheduling business calls?" Kara frowned.

"It's fine, tell her I'll call back soon. Let's go."

"Um...too late," Sam said guiltily. "She's already on the plane to National City. She said she'd be here at eleven."

"Ah, shit," Lena said again. "Okay. Let's get Alex to the DEO, get her checked out, then I'll go meet her."

"I'm going to head over to L-Corp, get started for the day." Sam handed Lena her phone and sighed. "I'll tell you this, ever since I moved here there hasn't been a dull moment."

* * *

Kara and Lena sat next to each other in comfortable silence waiting for Cat to arrive. They had left Alex in containment on a mattress that someone dragged in and it had taken Lena several tries to convince Kara to come to the meeting with her.

Kara checked her phone and frowned. She had sent Maggie a brief text about what happened with Alex—

 _Alex at DEO. We were at my apartment, she drank too much. Her stuff is still there. —_

but hadn't gotten a response yet. She opened her mouth to say something then closed it without a sound for the tenth time.

"Spit it out, Kara. What's going on in that head of yours?" Lena wrapped her hands around her coffee mug. She had taken the rest of Maggie's oxycontin but it wasn't doing the trick and her hands were shaking slightly. She had already sent Jess off to get her some oxycodone and was waiting to hear back from her.

"I just think that I'm doing the wrong thing all the time and I hate it. I can't help anyone, and I can't do anything and I'm just...I feel small and insignificant. And I'm tired of feeling like that."

Lena reached across the table and rested her hand on Kara's. "You aren't small and you are not insignificant. You are very important. To me, at least, whatever that's worth," she added in a lighter tone.

Kara smiled sadly. "You think so?"

"Of course I do, you mean a lot to me."

"Am I interrupting...something?"

Kara sat back, startled, her hand slipping out from under Lena's. "Ms. Grant!" She stood up quickly, almost spilling her tea. "I didn't see you."

"Evidently. I should've known you would be here, you and Ms. Luthor are inseparable."

"Kara is here because she's been running my company while I've been away," Lena said smoothly without standing up. "Good to see you, Cat."

"I wish I could say the same." Cat handed Kara her purse and coat and sat down. "Why am I seeing _fluctuating stocks?_ That is not what I want. I want steady, rising stocks. I don't want to hear that Cat Co. is five hundred a share then two hundred a share. I won't have you sullying my name, Ms. Luthor. You know a thing or two about the power of a name, I presume."

"You presume correctly. I actually need to ask you something."

"And what is that?" Cat waved a waiter over. "Get me my usual."

"You're...usual, ma'am?" The waiter looked confused and afraid to be at their table, no doubt recognizing at least Lena and Cat.

"Yes, my usual. The same thing I've been drinking every morning for as long as I can remember."

"She'll take a cappuccino, double shot of espresso, extra foam," Kara said quickly. The waiter nodded, wide-eyed, and left the table.

"I need to ask you for help."

"Well I came all this way to give it to you so don't waste my time. You're lucky I'm here on business because yelling at you over the phone works just as well." Cat waited for Lena to start. "Well? What is it?"

Lena cleared her throat. "I know how good publicity works and I know how business works. But I'm having trouble running a media company like a business company. So I wanted to ask you for any advice you might have on that." Lena sipped her coffee. As she put it down her hand shook and the cup rattled against the saucer; she put her hands in her lap self-consciously.

"What's your idea of good publicity?" Cat asked the younger woman.

"A good article."

"Give me an example."

"The article Clark Kent wrote about L-Corp when I first met him."

"And why is that good publicity?"

"Because it painted my company in a good light."

"Exactly"

"Ms. Grant, I'm not sure what you're trying to say but trust me, I understand the concept of a public image."

Kara's head turned back and forth like she was watching a tennis match. " _I_ don't understand. Are you saying we should write an article about Cat Co.?"

"No. The problem isn't with the company, it's with the management. The problem is _her_." She pointed an accusing finger at Lena.

"Excuse me?" Lena said indignantly as Kara started to cut her off. "Lena isn't the reason—"

"Not because she's a Luthor, Kara. Because the public needs to see her as fully accountable and capable, even if she isn't. The press conference was the right idea except you lost your damn mind at the end of it and the last thing people saw of you was Supergirl coming to save you once again."

"What are you saying?"

"You need an article, preferably about yourself. Paint Lena Luthor in a good light—who cares about Cat Co. when the woman running it is ten times as intriguing? Make it interesting to be reading about you, make yourself the topic of conversation but this time you write the story. Give your best reporter a research project into your past."

"There's not much to see. My family doesn't keep records like that."

"Then they interview you. Who's your best reporter?" Cat's coffee arrived and she sipped it slowly, staring a Kara.

"You're looking at her."

Kara flushed. "I'm not—she doesn't mean—I'm really just watching over the company,"

"Nonsense. You're the best reporter we have and you've been running the company! You get exclusive quotes I wouldn't even begin to know where to look for."

Cat clapped her hands together. "So it's settled. Kara, interview Ms. Luthor here about her personality, her passions, her hobbies. Pray they aren't strange. And Ms. Luthor, it's your job to keep things interesting."

Lena nodded, thinking to herself. "Right. I think I can manage that."

"You'd better," Cat ordered, "Or I might have to buy back my company. So, Ms. Luthor. Where do you want the interview to take place? I'm thinking a small café or somewhere you'd feel comfortable."

"I won't feel comfortable anywhere with all the security tailing me," Lena scoffed. J'onn and Kara had set up a security detail at 'Supergirl's direction' that she couldn't object to—rather, they ignored her objections.

"Then work around them. You're a smart woman, go somewhere they won't follow." Cat peered over her glasses at Kara. "Maybe you have something in mind?"

"Me?"

Lena frowned. Kara always seemed to forget to include herself in things. _I guess I'll have to fix that_. "Yes, you. You're the one interviewing me, aren't you?"

"I—if that's what you want."

"I think she wants a little more than that, but let's start with the interview," Cat said, confusing Kara. Lena's mouth twitched and she had to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling. "Aren't you and Supergirl best friends?" Cat said to Kara.

"Well I wouldn't go that far but we know each other."

"Please," Lena snorted. "I bet you two have sleepovers and braid each other's hair. You always know things that you couldn't possibly have known without her telling you."

"They do seem to be close." Cat pursed her lips.

"Maybe we could do the interview at your apartment?" Lena suggested. Kara bit her lip; Maggie had just texted back that she was going to come clean Kara's apartment then head to the DEO. "Or my house." Lena saw Kara's hands fidgeting in her lap and slid her hand under the table onto Kara's thigh. "Let's just have it at my house."

Kara relaxed the second she felt Lena's hand on her leg. "Sounds good to me."

"It's settled. Leave the security outside your house or even down the street if that's what you need." Cat checked her watch and started to gather her things up.

"Wait, that's not safe!" Kara protested.

"Dating older men isn't safe but I've done it. And I've gotten stories out of it. Time to make a sacrifice in the name of journalism. And," Cat said with a wink at Kara, "I'm sure Supergirl has been keeping an eye on you, what with her and Kara being such good friends and all. She must know how special your _friendship_ is with the new head of Cat. Co."

Lena opened her mouth, her eyebrows raising, but Cat cut her off.

"Now." She stretched her back, sighed and stood up. "Take care of the bill if you would, Ms. Luthor. I need to speak to Kara for a moment."

Lena watched Kara follow Ms. Grant outside. There was something different about her; she fidgeted less, she seemed more at peace with herself despite everything going on around her. Running Cat Co. had given her a much-needed confidence boost and contrary to her nervous movements, she had proven to herself and everyone else that the blonde knew what she was doing. As she signed the bill, Lena wondered what it would be like to not have an economy resting on her shoulders.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Cat looked at her expectantly. "She doesn't know, does she?"

Kara shook her head. "No."

"Maybe you should stop lying to the important people in your life, I'm just saying."

"I know, I know! But I can't just tell her, she'll—I don't know. She'll hate me."

"Hate you? You listen to me very carefully, Kara Danvers. That woman is in love with you," Cat insisted. "I know it, your sister knows it, Samantha Arias knows it—hell, you might be the only two who don't!"

"But I can't have her be the target of—"

Cat snorted. "Lena Luthor, targeted? What a novel concept. She's an extraordinarily intelligent woman, Kara. Sooner or later she's going to figure it out on her own. What with Supergirl constantly showing up to rescue her and you having a hand in everything as well."

Lena left the restaurant as she spoke, carrying their things, and Kara motioned for Cat to stop talking.

"Thanks." Kara smiled at Lena awkwardly, reaching for her coat.

"Sure. Did you give her some pointers for this interview?" Lena turned to Cat.

"I gave her some advice. Whether or not she listens to me is, I think, up to you."

"Up to me? And how to you figure that one out?" Lena tilted her head.

Kara's phone buzzed; it was Maggie calling and she tuned out the conversation.

"Hello?"

"She's awake. And she keeps saying her dad is gone? What's going on?"

"It's...hard to explain. Jeremiah is back but he has a kryptonite suit and he's running Cadmus until they can get Lena on their side."

"That doesn't sound hard to explain, that sounds like a nightmare. Is there a reason J'onn won't let me go in? Or why can't she string a sentence together?"

"So, remember when you took all the alcohol out of her place and brought it to mine?"

"Yeah..."

"We ended up fighting Jeremiah and then we went back to my apartment, and Sam went to check on Alex—"

"Sam was there?" Maggie interrupted her.

"Yeah. So Sam went to check on her because me and Lena were—she went to check on her. And she found that whole bag of alcohol, and she drank it. Like, all of it. She has alcohol poisoning."

Maggie was silent for a moment then took a breath. "So is there an actual fucking reason no one called me?" she said in a calm voice.

"I—we, there was a lot going on, Maggie." Kara pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry."

"I'm still her girlfriend. That means you do more than send me a text and leave a shitty handwritten note."

"Okay, the note was Alex's idea and she's the one that didn't want to wake you. I'm sorry, I should've called," Kara said guiltily.

"Yeah, you should've. Is there some magic word you can say that'll make J'onn let me in?"

"No, we're leaving her in there until—" Kara heard a gun cock, a sound she was familiar with from watching Alex train. "Maggie, I have to go." She turned in a rapid circle searching for the source of the noise.

"Kara?" Lena noticed her friend looking around.

"Where's Cat?"

"She just left, what's going on? Kara?" Lena narrowed

Kara saw a glint out of the corner of her eye. "Get down!" She pushed Lena to the ground, covering her head. In the same instant she felt a bullet smash into the back of her neck and flatten against her skin as the gunshot echoed down the street. She stayed on top of Lena, both of them breathing heavily. "Are you okay?" Kara gasped, short of breath.

"I think so. How did you see that?"

"I, I just—the light, I—"

Lena's security had swarmed the two of them and helped them up, rushing them into the car. No other shots were fired but they sped away like someone was trying to blow out their tires; Lena stared at Kara in the backseat of the car, disbelief plain on her face.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay to be alone tonight?"

"I'm fine, Kara. Don't worry about me, stay with your sister." Lena was walking around her room changing into her pajamas, holding a bottle of oxycodone Jess had gotten for her.

Kara watched as Alex turned over in her sleep. Her sister kept waking up, mumbling about their dad then passing out again. She had an IV in her arm and there were several full bottles of water in the room with her, but the idea that she had locked Alex away was eating at her. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright, after today."

"My house is surrounded by DEO agents. Not that they helped earlier, it's only thanks to you that I didn't have my brains blown out."

"What are friends for," Kara said with a nervous laugh.

Lena smiled at the familiar phrase. "No, really, I have no idea how you were fast enough to—" She broke off as something fell out of her shirt while she was untucking it; it clinked to the ground and she bent over, dropping the pill bottle on her bed.

"Lena?"

Her eyebrows knit in confusion at what she was looking at. It looked like a flattened, round piece of metal and she held it up to the light.

"Lena, are you still there?"

"Yes, just—one second." Lena's frown deepened. She was ninety-nine percent sure what she was holding was a crumpled bullet, a .338 Lapua Magnum round that had been fired from a long-range rifle. Kara pushing her down on the ground flashed through her head; she had felt something fall down her shirt then but thought nothing of it. But in her hands was the bullet that was no doubt meant for her. It must have hit something hard enough to flatten it, but she couldn't think of what it had hit. Something was nagging at the back of her mind, something big that had been dawning on her for months that she couldn't quite grasp. "I'll call you back."

"Oh, okay." Kara sounded a little disappointed but Lena ignored it. She pulled up the video she'd been sent on her computer as Kara hung up and watched it again, slowing it down.

"Now where is the..." Lena scanned the screen as it went frame by frame. "Gotcha," she murmured, pausing the video. The frame she was looking at showed Supergirl getting shot in the stomach. "No, that's not..." she fast-forwarded but there was no clean picture of the other entrance wound.

 _How is this possible?_ She sat back, memories running through her mind like a film reel. Every time Kara had run away for some personal emergency, her strange silences and extended periods of time when Lena couldn't reach her, her odd way of getting around town faster than anyone else even in midday traffic taking the bus. How she had a car but Lena rarely saw her using it. The fact that Kara and Supergirl seemed to both know everything about the other. How every time Kara thought she was in trouble, Supergirl showed up moments later. And then today, when Kara had reacted literally faster than a speeding bullet. Either Kara and Supergirl were beyond best friends, or...

All the air whooshed out of Lena's lungs in one breath and she lay down trying to suck in air. Her breaths were shaky and she reached for the oxycodone bottle, forcing three of the pills down her throat. For the first time in her life, her mind seemed to be failing her. She couldn't quite process what she thought she knew; her brain had ground to a halt. Fumbling for her phone, she opened a message to Alex then remembered she was locked up at the DEO.

"Shit." Her hands shook and she dropped the bullet and her phone onto her bed. Her heart had stopped and she felt light-headed; her vision blurred and she closed her eyes, hoping when she woke up everything would disappear like a bad dream or fog on a sunny day.


	27. 27) Withdrawal

"Maggie, let me out of here!" Alex banged her fist against the glass.

Maggie turned away. Her phone buzzed and she glanced down at the alarm going off.

 _Courthouse. 11:00 am._

"Maggie, please, I'm begging you. You know me, I can't stand being trapped in here," Alex pleaded. A headache had started behind her forehead and she squinted at her girlfriend. "Get off your phone and _let me out of here._ " She emphasized her point by kicking the sealed door.

Maggie hit snooze on the alarm and shoved the phone back in her pocket. "I can't do that, babe," she said sadly.

"Don't you _babe_ me," Alex growled.

"They didn't give me the code to open the door—"

"Who's _they?_ "

"—so even if I wanted to open it, I couldn't."

"So you're saying you don't want to," Alex said in a hurt voice.

"That's not—"

"Does J'onn know about this?"

Maggie swallowed and swept her hair up into a low bun to stall for time. "J'onn is one of the only people who can open the door. They made some sort of bio-lock only attuned to Martian and Kryptonian DNA."

"Who's they?" Alex asked again.

Maggie hesitated. "Winn and Lena..."

"I never should've trusted her," Alex hissed. She had given up hitting the walls and was pacing back and forth. "Her and Winn, that slimy, backstabbing motherf—"

"And your sister."

Alex stopped short. "What?" She said, not sure if she'd heard right. "Kara helped put me in here?"

"Actually, um, from what I've heard it was her idea."

Alex stood still for a moment then grabbed a water bottle someone had left by the mattress and flung it against the wall. It cracked against the glass and the plastic broke, spilling water everywhere as Maggie flinched away. "Wow," Alex said incredulously, admiring her handiwork. "I mean, you two pulled one hell of a stunt with arresting me but this is a whole new level of bullshit."

Maggie's alarm went off again. "Sorry, sorry," she muttered, hurrying to silence it.

"What's that?" Alex nodded at the phone curiously.

"It's just an alarm." Maggie straightened her uniform nervously.

"Why are you wearing that?" Alex looked her up and down, just noticing the uniform. "Are you going back to work?"

"Not exactly." Maggie reached behind her for her uniform cap and fitted it over her head. "I'm, uh...I'm going to court today. They just need me to appear, Collins is pleading guilty."

Alex raised her eyebrows and stared. "That's today? I heard you on the phone yesterday with Tim but I didn't think..." she blinked. "You have to let me out of here. I'll go with you, just get J'onn and—"

"I don't want you to come," Maggie said bluntly. "I'm sorry. It's just...I already have to hear this in front of a bunch of strangers. In front of you? It's—I can't. Not yet." She hung her head.

"Are you saying I don't know you?" Alex lashed out.

"No, not at all. The opposite. I think you know me too well for you to listen." She sighed at Alex's stubborn expression.

"If you're trying to spare my feelings, it's a waste of your time."

"It's not you I'm trying to protect. It's me. I'm afraid if you hear everything, you won't love me anymore."

"What could you possibly say—"

Maggie's alarm went off again, accompanied by a text.

 _You better show, Maggie. I had a hell of a time getting a rush trial._

"I gotta go," Maggie said, "I'll come back right after I'm done, I promise." She started to walk away.

"Goddammit Maggie!" Alex resumed her pounding on the glass. "Don't you dare walk away from me! Let me come with you!" Her headache throbbed and stopped hitting the glass, sinking to the floor. Maggie didn't give any indication she had even heard Alex, striding purposefully away. "Don't leave me here," Alex said quietly, staring at her faint reflection in the glass.

* * *

Kara knocked on Lena's door nervously. She hadn't spoken to Lena since that strange call when Lena had hung up on her, and then all weekend she never answered Kara's texts about the interview. Concerned, Kara had decided to show up at Lena's house; she wasn't sure if eleven was too early to come uninvited but she knew Lena usually got up early.

A minute passed and Kara was staring at the door, forcibly willing herself not to look through it, when it opened.

"Hey, you're ali..." Kara's voice died in her throat. Lena's hair was messy and she was rubbing sleep out of her eyes, "Did I wake you up?"

"No," Lena lied. They stood awkwardly at the door and Kara looked her friend up and down. Lena was wearing plain grey pajama pants and shockingly, the same shirt from two days ago but with half the buttons undone. Kara tried not to stare at the exposed skin beneath Lena's collarbone and failed miserably.

"Come in," Lena said in a tired voice. She turned away from Kara and headed straight for her bedroom. Kara followed her slowly. There was something off about Lena's manner. She was moving too slowly, her voice sounded fuzzy. The second she entered the bedroom Lena lay down on her bed. "So what's up? Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I'm here to interview you. For the magazine? It was supposed to be Saturday but you never answered my calls so I didn't want to show up uninvited in case you were busy with something. Guess I got lucky that you haven't gone in to work yet," Kara rambled watching Lena stretch the sleep out of her muscles.

"Can we postpone that interview? I'm not really feeling it." Lena squinted at Kara as the oxycodone she'd taken minutes before kicked in. _Super hearing, heat vision, super strength. All these things you've kept from me and I blindly believed you, but you're just like all the rest._

"Oh," Kara tried to hide her disappointment. "Sure, sure. Are you feeling alright?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Lena frowned. She needed proof, definitive proof that her theory was correct. She was ninety-nine percent sure but the scientist in her needed that last one percent.

The blonde examined Lena's face and frowned. "You look tired. You've been through a lot, I just wanted to make sure you—"

"I'm fine," Lena cut her off and Kara looked down quickly.

"Right. Of course, sorry. I don't mean to overstep or anything."

 _She's lied to you hundreds of times._ Lena sat up slowly. "How about we watch a movie?" she said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Oooh, yay! What do you want to watch?" Kara clapped her hands together and came into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed.

 _You're a better liar than I gave you credit for, Kara Danvers,_ Lena thought bitterly. "I don't know, pick something." Lena waved a lazy hand. "I'll get some popcorn and wine. I filled my kitchen since you were here last."

"Do you want an action movie or a rom-com? Or maybe an animated movie! I haven't seen Moana yet."

"Pick a movie that will go with wine, Kara."

"Rom-com it is. We could watch _The Proposal_ , Ryan Reynolds is in that. Or _Silver Linings Playbook_ , which has Bradley Cooper."

Lena wrinkled her nose. "Ew, no. We should watch a chick flick. Or Ocean's Eight," she supplied, forgetting her anger as they bantered.

"That's fine." Kara started to look around Lena's bedroom. Like the rest of the house, it was spotless. Well, it would've been if not for Lena's seemingly rough last night. There were clothes strewn everywhere and an upended purse on the floor.

Lena saw Kara looking around and panicked. Her stash of oxy was in her dresser and Supergirl or not, Kara was going to flip shit if she found out about it. Thinking fast, she did the first thing that came to mind.

"Lena, what—maybe you should, um, keep your shirt on?"

"I'm changing. It's my bedroom. Don't you want to see a CEO up close?" Lena smirked at Kara. The blonde couldn't tear her eyes away but she had gone beet red.

"I'm—I—just—movie, um, I'm gonna go to the other—" Kara pointed nervously to the door and hurried out, stumbling over her feet.

Lena listened to her footsteps fade away then put on some music. Hopefully Kaleo's _A/B_ album would cover up the sound of what she was really doing. She took no chances, moving as quietly as possible to get the pill bottle out of the drawer. Slipping two into her pajama pocket, she grabbed her phone and a t-shirt and followed Kara out of the room.

"Hey," she said, walking up behind Kara.

Kara started. She genuinely hadn't heard Lena, she was too busy picking a movie. "Have you seen _The Greatest Showman?_ "

"Can't say I have." Lena pulled the t-shirt over her head and grabbed an new bottle of Riesling. "I guess it's a wine breakfast. Move over." Kara had already gotten two blankets for them but Lena tossed one aside and pulled the one Kara was under over herself, curling her legs underneath. She had the urge to touch Kara's skin; she had felt it before, but now that she knew Kara wasn't human, she needed to feel it again. She thought of the video and wondered how to get close enough to see if Kara had a second scar.

"You don't like popcorn?" Kara pouted.

Lena rolled her eyes. "Fine. You'll have to eat most of it though." She got up and headed for the kitchen. As the kernels popped, she tried to think of a subtle way to lift Kara's shirt.

"Oooh, yay. Gimme." Kara reached for the bowl as Lena headed back. "I swear I could eat popcorn for days."

Lena smiled emptily. _Because you're an alien. Because you've been lying to me since the moment we met._ She got back under the blanket as the movie started. "Did you want some wine?"

"I'm good, thanks." Kara's eyes were glued to the screen and Lena watched her for a moment then opened the bottle and started drinking from it like it was Pepsi.

As the movie played, Lena grew more aware of Kara's presence. She felt her gasp whenever something happened or surprised her and watched the tears fall down her face as P.T. Barnum's circus was burned down. _How can you sit there and lie to me? How can you look me in the eye and not tell me the most important thing about you?_ Lena had closed her eyes during the montage of rounding up the circus crew and was slowly leaning her head on Kara's shoulder. Taking advantage of a loud moment in the movie, she threw her arm across Kara's stomach.

Kara's entire body immediately froze. She hadn't realized that Lena was falling asleep, she was just enjoying the movie and how warm she was with Lena next to her. The faint smell of raspberries that Lena always had and her shampoo was calming and Kara had let herself relax. Too afraid to wake her, Kara sat perfectly still, no longer paying attention to the movie. Lena shifted in her sleep, her head resting right on the scar by her collarbone, and Kara could feel every breath Lena exhaled across her chest.

In her wine-and-oxy induced state, Lena was almost comfortable being this close to Kara but she couldn't fully relax. Her hand slid across Kara's stomach and she thanked god that Kara had taken off her sweater so that she could feel the skin underneath the fabric. Her hand hit a rough bump by Kara's gut and she felt her twitch.

 _That's the scar. From my mother's bullet._ That was the proof Lena needed, right under her hand. There was no denying it. Kara had never had those scars, just one more lie to add to the list, and they were in the exact same places Supergirl had been shot. But Supergirl couldn't scar, it was impossible. Her body physically regenerated with sunlight. Lena couldn't add up the evidence, nothing was making sense. Either Kara, sweet, beautiful, lovely Kara had been lying to her all along, or—

 _No. You have to confront the facts. Kara...is Supergirl._ Lena felt her heart speeding up.

"Lena?" Kara whispered, thinking she was having a bad dream.

 _She heard it. She was listening to my heartbeat._ Lena didn't know how she felt about that. Growing up in a household with the most deceptive people on the planet, she had learned early on to control her emotions and her poker face was only second to Lillian's. Whenever Kara was around, though, she never cared about that sort of thing—Kara kept her sane, human, kept her from slipping into that cold Luthor persona the public was so eager to force on her. She never felt self-conscious about all the little things, the things she would never have to worry about with her best friend. Her heartbeat sped up again in anger as she realized she couldn't let herself relax around Kara anymore, and the blonde put a hand on her shoulder.

"Lena?"

Lena shut her eyes tighter, not wanting to face Kara. The wine on top of the drugs was making her sleepy even though it was only noon and she wanted to rest, but she didn't know if she could fall asleep with Kara listening to her every movement.

"Lena, can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Lena mumbled into Kara's shirt. She sat up and stretched, her t-shirt riding up and leaving a strip of her stomach exposed. She shivered as the blanket fell off and cracked her neck, staring at Kara.

Kara bit her lip. "So...Cat Grant said you, um...that you like me."

Lena closed her eyes. She had no idea how to deal with Kara at the moment. _Of course you want to talk about this now._ "Cat Grant is a smart woman," Lena said carefully. _I'll give her one chance. One more chance to come clean._ "But the kind of people I like are honest and straight forward. In every part of their lives."

Kara blinked quickly and held Lena's gaze. "Me too. That's the kind of person I like too."

 _Strike one._

"Someone who I can tell even my oldest secrets too," Lena added.

"The secrets that no one else knows," Kara agreed. "I know exactly how you feel."

"Do you?" _Strike two._

"Someone who wouldn't judge me for the things that I've hidden from them. Someone who forgives easily, even though their feelings are hurt."

"Yes." Lena had an almost desperate expression on her face and Kara took that as a sign to go ahead.

"Lena, I think I know what you're trying to say," Kara sighed.

"You do?" Lena's eyebrows shot up. The tension between her and Kara was unbearable and she just wanted to hear Kara say the words.

Kara nodded. "I do. And I'm glad you're asking me for help, though I would've expected you to go to Sam first."

"I—Sam?" Lena sat back, confused.

"Lena," Kara said sadly, "I know you've been taking drugs."

Lena's mouth dropped open. Like a deer caught in the headlights, her brain ground to a halt. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said automatically.

"Lena, please. Alex told me when you were supposed to run out of pills but I saw the empty bottle in the trash two weeks before that. You seemed off this morning and with you not answering me yesterday—it makes sense. I want to help you," Kara said earnestly.

"You can't prove anything," Lena said defiantly. Kara had managed to flip the conversation onto her and now she was lost. _How dare you accuse me of hiding something? You constantly lie to me and now you claim to have my best interests at heart?_

"Lena, my sister is an alcoholic. You really think I don't notice these things? If you want to prove it, come stay at my apartment for a day or two." Kara looked at her hopefully. "I can take care of you and—"

Lena's jaw clenched. "Get out."

"Lena?" Kara was taken aback. She expected some resistance but Lena looked downright hostile.

"Get out. Right now." Lena stood up and Kara mirrored her, an alarmed expression on her face.

"Lena, I didn't mean—"

"I said get out!" Lena pointed to the door and Kara practically ran for it. She had never been scared of Lena before; her anger was usually calm and icy and while that in itself was frightening, this version of Lena that had let herself go and was raising her voice scared her more. She could almost see Lillian in the set of her jaw, her narrowed eyes.

"Sorry, I'm sorry!" Kara whimpered as she closed the door behind her.

The second it shut behind her Lena collapsed on the couch breathing heavily. With shaking fingers she dug the pills out of her pocket and downed them with a gulp of wine.

 _Liar._

 _Hero._

 _Liar._

 _Backstabber._

 _Friend._

 _Liar._

 _Liar._

 _Liar._

She took another gulp of wine and lay down, closing her eyes against the movie's rolling credits. Tears leaked out and dripped onto the couch as she cried quietly.

 _Mother was right. No one will ever trust a Luthor._

* * *

"Case 27811, Margaret Sawyer v. Roger Collins. Please bring in the defendant."

Maggie shifted in her seat and pulled on her jacket collar. She hadn't seen or heard from Collins since Alex had forced him out of her apartment at gunpoint, but her skin started crawling as a door on the opposite side of the courtroom opened. He walked through it, flanked by two policemen.

"All rise!" The judge walked in and everyone stood up, a collective grunting of effort echoing around the courtroom.

"You may be seated." The judge sat down and opened the folder in front of him. "The plaintiff is bringing charges of sexual assault, aggravated assault and trespassing against the defendant, Roger Collins. Mr. Collins, do you still stand by your plea of guilty?"

"Guilty on all accounts. He's taking a deal," his lawyer said firmly.

Collins smirked. "I'm not guilty, your Honor."

The judge looked over his glasses at Collins' table. "Counselor, it appears you and your client have some things to discuss. This is not what I was told before walking into the courtroom today."

Collins stood up, his hands shackled in front of him. "I'm pleading not guilty, sir."

Maggie twisted in her seat to look at Tim who was sitting behind her. _What's he playing at?_

"All in agreement? We'll resume on Wednesday at nine-thirty in the morning to hear the plaintiff's testimony. Dismissed." The judge banged his gavel and moved the file aside.

"What the hell?" Time burst out.

Collins smiled at him. "You love your little Margarita, don't you? Probably should've stayed home, old man."

"We had an agreement. You were pleading guilty."

Collins lunged toward Maggie and she recoiled, hitting the barrier behind her. "I was. But now that I've seen her, I want to hear her say it. I want the story from her lips," he snarled in a low voice as the policemen dragged him away. His lawyer slammed his briefcase shut and followed him out with a frustrated expression.

Maggie turned to see Tim looking at her worriedly. "That wasn't supposed to happen. I can fix this," he said desperately, seeing Maggie's eyes harden.

"Save it, Tim. What happens if I just don't show up?"

"That's not really an option and you know it, Maggie. I'm sorry, but you have to testify." Tim put a hand on her arm and guided her out of the room.

"I can't. I can't do that. I'm not going to," Maggie shook her head. "That's not what I agreed to. I just want to get back to work, you're the one that said I had to—"

"You told me on the phone that there were other people there at the time after he—at the end of it. Have them testify too, we can put him away for years!" Tim said passionately.

"I'm not dragging anyone else into this, Tim!" Maggie thought of Alex locked in containment and her voice came out angrier than she meant it to. "I just want this to be over," she said in a quieter voice.

Tim looked at her somberly. "Do you want him to go to jail?" he asked seriously.

Maggie hesitated before answering. "Yes. But if it's easier to have him just disappear, that would satisfy me just the same."

"What do we tell people?"

Maggie sighed. "That they're going to have to face it anyway, so might as well do it in court."

"Exactly. So give them a call, ask them if they'd be willing to testify."

"That's not the problem," Maggie grumbled.

"Then I'll see you on Wednesday?"

"I don't want them to hear me, I'm sorry. I don't want Alex knowing the...details of what happened."

Tim knit his eyebrows. "Because you think she'll love you any less?"

"That, and she may get a stupid idea in her head like killing Roger Collins." Maggie put her head in her hands. "Can't I just testify in an empty room and record it?"

"You and I both know that's not an option in this kind of case," Tim frowned. "I wish it was."

"I know, I know. Alex is just a little busy right now."

"She can't take a day off? Two tops? To testify for you."

"No, Tim, she really can't," Maggie insisted. "It's not what you think."

"Then explain it to me." He stopped on the steps of the courthouse.

"I don't really want to talk about this anymore," Maggie said brusquely, meeting his eyes with a steely glare.

"Okay, okay," he relented. "Do you want to go grab coffee or—"

"I'll see you around," Maggie cut him off and walked away.

 _Not guilty._

 _I never should have agreed to this._

 _Alex testifying?_

 _Alex._

She hurried to the DEO, pulling out her phone. "Kara?"

"What's up? It's not Alex, is it?" The younger Danvers sounded like she'd been crying.

"No, it's—are you okay?" Maggie glanced around as she hurried down the street, expecting somene to come up behind her.

Kara sniffled. "I'm fine. I'm heading for the DEO, are you already there?"

"I'm on my way. Can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?" Kara wiped the tears off her cheeks as she dropped from the sky before anyone could see them.

"My trial moved to Wednesday and I think I need Alex to testify. And maybe Sam, but that's a separate issue."

Kara paused for a moment. "I don't think she can. It will only have been a couple days and she usually takes longer to dry out."

"Usually?"

"I mean in college. She would go on benders and disappear for a week or two then come back, contrite and promising to do better. And I know she never stopped drinking but she hasn't really been—I mean, until now she hasn't really been drinking that much." Kara walked past Winn and headed for the stairs.

"So what you're saying is 'no' to Wednesday."

Kara bit her lip. "Can you move it to Friday? Or maybe even next week?"

"I can try. Thanks, Kara," Maggie said sincerely. Hanging up, she texted Tim about changing the date and kept walking; her head down, her hands shoved in her pockets. A man brushed into her and she jerked away; the only man she had let touch her since _it_ had happened was Tim, and even then it had taken almost an hour of him reassuring her that she was safe. Maggie was annoyed at herself for taking a backseat with the Alex situation, but she had too many things to worry about.

As Kara got closer to the room she heard J'onn arguing with someone. "Lena?"

The CEO's voice was carrying down the hall and as Kara turned the corner she saw her gesturing angrily.

"Ms. Luthor, calm down or I'll have you escorted out of here." J'onn put a hand on her arm but she flung it off.

"I told you I want to see it!" Lena was yelling at J'onn, her voice slurring. Kara fell back, hiding from her friend.

"I told you already I can't let you do that, it's a security risk."

"It's my mother, let me see her body. Did you know the funeral's this weekend? Empty casket. The least you could do is let me say goodbye."

"I would have to be in the room."

"That's not what I asked. I want a moment alone with my dead mother, can you not understand that?" Lena said, frustrated.

"Someone will have to go with you," J'onn insisted.

"I can go with you."

J'onn looked up in surprise. "Supergirl. Please explain to Ms. Luthor—"

"I don't think it's too much to say goodbye." Kara crossed her arms. "I believe Ms. Luthor has the best of intentions. There is no security risk."

Lena narrowed her eyes. _Of course you're here._ "Supergirl," she said coldly.

J'onn stood back. "Fine. If it's alright with you, Ms. Luthor."

"I'd still rather go alone but if she has to come, so be it." Lena eyed Supergirl. _Kara. Traitorous, lying Kara._ "Lead the way."

J'onn nodded at Kara and she headed for the morgue, Lena following a step behind.

"Here you are." Kara paused at the door. "And I just wanted to say again, I am so sorry for your loss."

"I'm sure you are," Lena said frostily. _You were there when my mother died. You had a hand in her death._

"I can wait outside if you want, or go in with you. Morgues kinda freak me out, so..." Kara let the question hang.

 _You'd hear what I have to say either way._ Lena didn't answer and shouldered her way into the cold room. The familiar smell of formaldehyde hit her, clearing her head from the drugs she'd taken. "Where is she?"

Kara pointed to a door on the adjacent wall. "Are you sure you want to see this?"

"I've seen worse, believe me." Lena wondered if Lex had heard yet; her brother would be crushed by their mother's death. She opened the door and slid the shelf out without hesitating but her breath caught as she went to pull the sheet away from Lillian's face. Memories flashed through her mind in rapid succession; her mother taunting her, the men beating her until her throat was raw from screaming, the vomit that forced its way up after each round of beatings.

"Ms. Luthor?"

"Leave me alone," Lena said in a choked voice.

Kara hesitated. Lena was obviously dealing with the aftermath of what had happened to her by self-medicating and she didn't want to abandon her. "I can stay—"

"Get out," Lena whispered. The two words were enough to send Kara out the door with a hurt look that she hid from Lena.

Lena laid the sheet back and swallowed. "Hello, mother," she said quietly. "You aren't looking well." She chuckled softly but the noise died in her throat. The woman who had raised her was lying on a slab. A slab in the basement of a top secret government organization. "I knew being a Luthor had its ups and downs, but this is ridiculous. You could have at least died a normal death so I could have the satisfaction of burying you," she joked but her heart wasn't in it. "You could have done a lot of things," she whispered to the empty room. "You could have shown me that I am smart, and capable, and far, far too good for you. You could have finally let me step out of your shadow, finally let me throw off the shackles that were put on me the day I was born, the day you realized your _golden boy_ would have some competition." Lena's eyes were watering and she took a deep breath. "You could have done so much more. I could've—" she choked back a sob.

 _Why am I crying for this woman?_

She wiped away her tears, her anger getting the better of her. "Who do you think you are?" she said furiously. "You think you can ruin my life for twenty-odd years and then just disappear and die?! You think you can tear me down until I'm inches away from taking my own life and assume I'll pull myself out of it? That you can torture me for days on end and I'll just see your side of things?" She smashed her fist on the table as the tears started flowing. "I wanted so badly to live up to your expectations, even now! I'm still trying to please you, to satisfy that insatiable _need_ you had for me to be better. For me to be—you. Even now I wonder what I might've had in you, what kind of person I could've been if you just gave me a chance. If just once, you listened to me. We spent our whole lives fighting each other, but I never wanted that! You wanted power and opportunity and control, and _I just wanted a mother!"_

Rock-hard arms wrapped around her and pulled her back. She was crying, silent, body-shaking sobs that made her chest feel hollow and her head feel heavy. The emotional toll of suffering at the hands of her mother for her entire life then having that presence ripped away from her was crashing down on her all at once and she felt her knees give way.

"Lena, it's me. It's Kara. You're okay, you're going to be okay." Kara pulled Lena into her lap, holding her tighter as her friend cried.

Lena was too distraught to be mad at Kara. "Why?" she said in a broken voice between sobs. "I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore, just take it away. I'm so tired."

"Take what away?" Kara said in a soothing voice. "Shhh, you're okay."

"Make it stop, I just want it to stop!" Lena tried to push her way out of Kara's arms but the latter held on. "Let me go!" she lashed out.

"No," Kara said adamantly. "I'm not letting you go. Not now, not ever." She rocked Lena back and forth as the brunette wound down.

Lena sobs dissolved into hiccups. "They're right, you know."

"Who's right?"

"Cadmus. My mother. Jeremiah." Kara tensed at her foster father's name but Lena didn't notice it. "I should just join them. I should step up and take on the role the world has set for me."

"I won't allow it," Kara said fiercely. "You are so much better than that. You are amazing and brave and intelligent and worth so much more than a path that someone who doesn't even know you set you on."

"Maybe she really did know me. My mother. Because I'm tempted, Kara. Beyond tempted. Imagine if I ran Cadmus. I'd be in charge, I could affect millions of people. And suddenly every horrific thing I've ever done makes me a hero."

"You haven't done anything horrible, you just think you have. You're a hero, Lena. I believe in you. Don't give up on yourself now." Kara felt close to tears herself; even dead, Lena's mother had a way of worming her way into her daughter's thoughts and making her turn on herself.

"That's nice of you to say," Lena said as she gathered herself. She closed her eyes and felt her face rearranging itself, the mask of impassivity taking over.

Kara stood up and shut the door on Lillian's body. "What are friends for?" She held out a hand to help Lena off the floor.

 _What are friends for?_ _You lied to me. You aren't my friend._ Just like that, the switch flipped in Lena's brain. It was so easy when Kara was holding her and whispering in her ear to forget that her best friend had lied about who she was since the day she'd walked into her office with Clark Kent, but now looking her in the eye she felt disgust creeping in to her voice. "I have to get to work." She ignored Kara's hand and stood up, smoothing out the wrinkles in her skirt.

"Oh. I didn't know you were working." Kara pulled her hand back and looked at the ground. In her hurry to pull Lena away she had completely forgotten about the argument they'd gotten in.

"Well I do run a company. Two, in fact, even though you've been running Cat Co." Lena raised her chin defiantly. _No wonder you always had to run off, you were busy leading a double life._

"Right. I'll see you, I guess. I—I wanted to go check on Alex before I went back to Cat Co."

Lena closed the door as they left the morgue. "How is your sister? I've been meaning to ask."

"She's...she's good. I think. Not good, but she's getting better. I recognize withdrawal symptoms in her, at least. And Maggie needs her to testify, but—"

"The trial's this week?" Lena asked.

"I think it's meant to be on Wednesday?" Kara checked her phone. "Wait no, Maggie texted me a bit ago. It got moved to Friday."

Lena frowned thoughtfully. "I want to speak to her."

"Maggie?"

"No, Alex. I want to talk to her. I know a thing or two about addiction, let me in that room."

Kara paused halfway up the steps. "I don't know..." she bit her lip. "She's a little out of it, you know."

"I do know. So let me talk to her."

"I suppose. I'd have to get J'onn to—"

"You can't just open it yourself?" Lena raised an eyebrow. Her mascara was smudged but Kara said nothing about it, she was still a little shell-shocked from hearing Lena's breakdown. She had reined in her emotions in the blink of an eye and Kara couldn't keep up.

"Um, no," she said timidly. "It's set for Martian and Kryptonian DNA, but he's this way."

* * *

Alex turned at the sound of the door opening. "Finally—" Her face fell when she saw J'onn and Kara ushering Lena inside. "You aren't letting me go, are you."

"Nope," Lena answered.

"Have you found dad yet?"

Kara looked away. "We're searching everywhere but there's been no leads. Just hang out in here until we get something, alright?"

"I could fight my way out," Alex reasoned.

Lena sighed. "I don't really want to watch your sister kick your ass, so no thanks. Sit down."

Alex crossed her arms defiantly. "Make me." She saw J'onn mutter something to Kara and walk away.

Lena eyed her like she was a bug under her microscope. "You seem stressed, Alex," she noted the sweat on Alex's brow. "How's your heart rate? Any headaches, hand tremors, trouble sleeping?"

"That's none of your business," Alex said, but she sat down on the mattress.

"It's obvious to anyone who pays attention. Anyways, that's not why I'm here. I need something from you."

Alex rolled her eyes. "What could I possibly have to give you right now?"

"I need information."

Alex leaned forward, curiosity sparking in her eyes. "About what?"

"Supergirl," Lena said carefully, judging her reaction.

Alex's face immediately closed off. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

"I have a feeling she won't be honest with me," Lena responded, staring out through the glass walls. "Tell me what I want to know and maybe I can talk your sister into letting you out of here."

"Nice try, Lena," Kara said through the glass. "But I've decided to leave you in there too. The two of you can get clean together."

Lena's eyes narrowed slightly but she didn't move. "I should've expected this," she said in an offhand tone, "someone as deceptive as you always has another game going on."

Kara winced, Lena's words hitting too close to home. "You're smart enough to know this is for the best. I'll come by and check on you guys later." Lena watched her leave, stewing in silent rage.

"Glaring at them doesn't make them open the door," Alex said in a defeated voice. "Feel free to try, though." She got off the mattress and sat in the chair in the corner. "Take the bed. I'm not answering any of your questions."

Lena sat down slowly. "Why does it feel like I'm in prison again?"

Alex snorted. "Because my sister's an asshole and she thinks she's helping us. Always playing the hero, that's her thing, you know?"

"Trust me, I do," Lena agreed bitterly. She lay down and stared at the ceiling. From watching Sam, she knew the next few days were going to be horrible. In about twelve hours her body was going to revolt in its forced state of adjusting to an absence of drugs. In a day or two she was going to be flushing out every toxin in her body, after that it was just an uphill battle. She thought of her mother and how it was all because of her that she was in this mess—and how she wished her mother were here now. Before she knew it, Alex woke her up by mumbling in her sleep.

"No...Kara, please! Please don't die, stay with me. Please!"

"Alex." Lena climbed off the bed and went over to Kara's sister. The lights had been dimmed and the DEO looked eerily abandoned in the dark. "Alex." She shook her shoulder but Kara's sister didn't wake up.

Looking around for something to wake Alex up, Lena saw Kara outside the glass window. At first glance she thought the reporter was watching her, but when she squinted she saw that Kara had fallen asleep with her glasses on. Like her sister, she was sleeping in a chair she must have dragged over. Surprised that she hadn't woken at the noise, Lena turned back to Alex.

"Kara, open your eyes...wake up, please!"

Lena put her hand over Alex's heart and felt it racing. "Alex, come on. It's just a dream."

The older Danvers sat up in the chair, gasping. Her wild eyes fell on Lena and she shoved her away, scrambling out of the chair. "You!"

"Alex, it's me," Lena said, confused.

"What did you do to her? What did you do to my sister?" Alex hissed, her eyes gleaming in the dark.

"Nothing! It's Lena, Lena Luthor?"

At the word 'Luthor', Alex's brain snapped. Still in her nightmare of Kara getting shot, Alex ran at Lena and pinned her against the wall with a _thud._ Kara jerked awake and took in the scene in front of her. Her hand moved to open the lock but then she caught herself and ran off.

"Alex, stop! It's Lena!" She panicked. Alex's eyes were glazed over and she clearly wasn't hearing a word Lena was saying. Alex started to choke her and as Lena's vision darkened she heard the door hiss open. Alex was being pulled off of her and she dropped like a rock, hitting the floor and sucking down lungfuls of air. Looking up she saw the cape first then recognized Supergirl. _Of course Kara had to run off before she could open the door._

"Are you alright Ms. Luthor?"

"Yes," Lena said a little breathlessly. "I need to go home."

"Kara Danvers doesn't want that." Supergirl had a firm grip on Alex's shoulder.

"Kara Danvers doesn't control me."

"No, but I wouldn't go against her," Supergirl said amicably.

"Look, I'm a scientist. I know the risks of overdosing and almost everything there is to know about addiction, I can handle myself."

"I thought you'd say that," Supergirl said, "So I called someone." She pushed Alex into the room and reached for Lena's arm, pulling her outside and closing the door. "Ms. Arias?"

Lena's heart sunk into her stomach. "Sam. This isn't what it looks like."

"Lena, what is going on with you?"

Supergirl let go of her and Lena hurried over to Sam. "It's just—I know it seems like I'm—Sam, you have to know, I didn't mean for any of this to happen," she said, immediately contrite. Sam's past with drugs made her wish she'd never taken the pills but it was too late.

Sam tilted her head back. "Are you serious?"

"I am," Lena nodded, "I swear, this wasn't what I wanted to happen."

"No, I mean are you seriously apologizing? I would never judge you for this, you know that. And after everything with your mother, no one expected you to get off scot-free. Kara and I have been keeping an eye on you. Supergirl too."

"I didn't mean to hide anything from you," Lena said guiltily. "I'm so sorry."

"Hm. That, I don't believe. You're a Luthor, hiding is in your DNA."

Lena swallowed as Sam's joke hit a sore spot. "I'm sorry."

"It's also in the nature of addiction. Stop apologizing, you're staying with me now."

"What?" Lena looked between Sam and Supergirl, who was talking to Alex through the glass.

"Yeah. My house has become the orphanage for strays and it's your turn."

"I can't do that to you. I'm no good to be around, I—"

"Lena," Sam said, suddenly serious, "I'm not naive. What are the chances you go back to your house and don't touch a single drug?"

Lena felt shame creep into her cheeks and wouldn't meet her friend's eyes. "I could manage," she said in a low voice.

"You couldn't and we both know it. So just come with me and we can have a fun time together," Sam said with overdone enthusiasm, compensating for the worry in her chest. With a last look at Kara, still in her Supergirl suit talking to Alex, Lena followed Sam out to her car.

* * *

"I feel like I'm dying," Lena groaned for the third time.

"Suck it up, Luthor. Drink this." Sam handed her a glass of water and watched with concern as Lena's hand shook.

"I can't." Lena curled in on herself, pushing her face into Sam's couch cushion. "My whole body hurts."

"I know, believe me, I know. But you gotta power through. It's like when you go out and drink too much. Survive and advance."

"That motto's a little old, don't you think?" Lena muttered into the cushion. "God damn, I forgot how horrible this was when you were going through it."

"At least you can blame someone else for hooking you on it."

"You mean my dear, departed mother? I saw her body today."

Sam set the glass down. "And how do we feel about that?"

"We feel like shooting ourselves in the head, thank you very much," Lena said pointedly. Her throat convulsed and she sat up. "Oh, shit."

Sam's eyes widened. "Are you gonna—" She was cut off by Lena running for the bathroom.

Sam pinched the bridge of her nose as Lena retched. She felt bad for her friend, but more than that she felt guilty. Guilty for not noticing the signs, guilty for not spending enough time with Lena to see that her friend was struggling. Lena's relationship with her mother had always been complicated and she wouldn't be surprised if Lena was having some mixed emotions about her mother being permanently removed from her life.

"I'm dying, that's it, I'm dying," Lena grumbled as she sat back down. Grabbing the glass of water she downed it and eyed Sam. "When does the fun part start when I get to yell that you make me want to kill myself?"

"Oh, please. I never said that to you. Maybe I said it a few times, but I didn't _mean_ it." Sam pursed her lips. "I don't know how long you've been on this stuff but it can't have been as long as me. So you might be looking at less severe symptoms."

"That would be great but my body seems to have other ideas." Lena rolled onto her side and shivered. "Why is your house so fucking cold?"

"That's definitely the withdrawal talking but I can get you another blanket if you ask nicely."

"Fuck you for enjoying this," Lena growled.

"I am genuinely not enjoying this. I'm beating myself up right now wondering how I let this slip past me, if you really want to know. I knew they were giving you pain killers when they were holding you captive, but I thought—I didn't know you were still taking them," Sam's voice broke.

"Don't blame yourself, Sam. I asked for this." Lena looked back at her friend. "I'm almost glad Kara noticed, because I don't know how much longer I would've gone on—"

"Kara noticed?" Sam leaned back.

"Yes. I need to ask you something." Lena sat up and pulled the blanket around her shoulders. "Do you think it's strange that Kara and Supergirl are best friends?"

"What do you mean?" Sam looked away nervously.

"I mean Kara and Supergirl seem to always know things they shouldn't. Things only each of them could know separately, but somehow they both...there's something weird about it," Lena finished lamely. She was suddenly doubting herself and didn't want Sam to chalk her theory up to drug withdrawal.

"Lena, what are you trying to say?"

"I think they're the same person." Lena leveled her gaze at Sam. "I think Supergirl is Kara."


	28. 28) Trial and Girls Night (TW)

wow midterms are kicking my ass

* * *

"Seriously, how did you not notice this earlier?"

"Alex gave her medicine for the pain! How was I supposed to—"

"You saw those videos. You should have known, you should have come to me. And anyways, there are more important things to discuss."

"Like what?"

 _Sigh_. "She's been bugging me for the last few days, talking about Supergirl..."

Lena rolled over as the voices faded away, Sam and whoever was with her moving to another room. Her body ached and she reached for her glasses with a lazy hand, knocking them over.

"Lena?" Sam came rushing into the room in time to see her sliding them on. "Oh. You're up."

"What did you think that noise was?" Lena grimaced as she stretched.

Sam glanced behind her at the doorway. "You've been having nightmares the last few days, don't you remember?"

"Not really." Lena rubbed her forehead and saw a flash of blonde hair. _Supergirl_. "I've got a splitting headache though, do you have any Advil?"

"Of course." Sam went off to get it and left Kara standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hi," Kara waved. "I haven't seen you in a few days."

"Hi," Lena said back. "I haven't seen you since you locked me in a room with your sister and she tried to kill me."

"Alex didn't mean to," Kara defended her sister. "She's going through her own—"

"Withdrawal. I know. What are you doing here?" Lena said without looking at Kara.

"Oh, you didn't hear? Maggie's trial is today, they need anyone who was on the scene to testify. So that means Alex and Sam."

"Sam told me she only came in at the end."

"Yeah, but Roger Collins is trying to get Alex on aggravated assault so Sam has to testify about that part I guess."

"You guess?" Lena straightened her shirt and leaned back, staring at the wall next to Kara's head. "You don't strike me as the guessing type."

"Well I'm not a lawyer so I don't want to say anything and not be right."

"Didn't you say your mother was a lawyer?" Lena took the Advil Sam offered her and swallowed it dry.

Kara looked down at her shoes, shuffling her feet. "Something like that."

"Hm." Lena lay back down. "So are you meeting Alex there?"

"That's the plan." Kara motioned to Sam and the other woman went to go get ready.

"So can I leave now?" Lena called after Sam. "I'm getting cabin fever sitting around your house." She ignored Kara who was trying to get her attention.

"No, you're going to the DEO. Kara's watching you today while I'm in court." Sam walked across the foyer putting on her heels.

Lena raised an eyebrow. "I would've thought you would want to be with your sister," she said tersely, "considering that she's in the middle of alcohol withdrawal."

"You're on going through drug withdrawal!" Kara exploded. She clenched her jaw and backed away. "Actually, Alex doesn't want me there. She, uh, she told me not to show up," she said, changing the subject quickly.

"Well you don't have to watch me, that's for sure. I can handle myself," Lena said defiantly.

"Too bad. Suck it up Lena, you're going with her." Sam opened her front door. "Kara will take you there and I'll come pick you up."

"My symptoms are practically gone," Lena lied.

"You haven't eaten in days and you're sleeping fourteen hours a night. Stay with Kara."

* * *

"So what's going on with Jeremiah Danvers?" Lena followed Kara into the DEO.

"We haven't found him yet," Kara said shortly. "You remember Winn, right?"

"Of course. How have you been?"

Winn stood up to give Lena a hug. "Hey! I'm good, how're you?"

Lena was a little taken aback by the hug but she returned it after a moment. "I'm fine. What's that?" She pointed to a red blinking light.

Winn whipped around. "Crap. That's a distress signal from somewhere in the city. Let me check the police scanner."

"...Unexplained disturbance at the National City courthouse, units five, seven and ten report immediately...Man in a metal suit standing approaching the courthouse, unknown if suspect is armed, approach with caution."

"It's Jeremiah, it has to be. Alex is testifying today, that's why he's there." Kara looked frantically between Winn and Lena. "I'll—I'll go tell Supergirl. Winn, watch Lena."

 _Bullshit._ "I'm not a child," Lena protested. "Sam is there too, I have a right to go with you. With her, with Supergirl," she corrected herself quickly.

"I'm scared of her," Winn said meekly.

"Don't let her out of your sight," Kara said, already running for the door.

Winn shrunk back as Lena glowered at him. "Um, you can just sit there. If you want."

"Because _Kara_ is off to warn _Supergirl_ , right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, they're—they're close."

"So I've heard." Lena crossed her arms and glared at the screen, seeing Supergirl's signal near the courthouse. "She better not let anything happen to Sam," she said with a frown. Her friend had been dodging her questions about Supergirl all week but she was in danger now. Lena put her frustration to the side.

"Ms. Luthor? It's nice to see you."

Lena turned to see J'onn walking up to her holding a leash. Alex's puppy was circling his legs making it hard for him to walk without tripping. When the dog turned around her ears went back and she growled, baring her needle teeth.

 _Dogs don't even love me_ , Lena thought morosely. She eyed the puppy. _Fuck you too._

"Why is she growling?" J'onn said in a confused voice. "I have done nothing to dishearten her."

"Oh, sorry. It's not you, it must be the screen." Winn hit a few keys and behind him, Roger Collins' mugshot disappeared. Gertrude immediately whimpered and bounded up to Lena, licking her leg enthusiastically.

 _Maybe I'm not completely devoid of love after all._ Lena scooped the puppy up.

"Is that Jeremiah Danvers?" J'onn squinted at the screen.

"Unfortunately." Winn scrolled down until the courthouse security footage appeared. "We haven't heard from him since he attacked Lena and now he shows up the day Alex is due in court? That can't be a coincidence."

"No, I wouldn't think so." J'onn turned to another agent. "Who did we send with Supergirl?"

"Kara went to warn her," Lena spoke up, "So presumably she's with her."

"Kara Danvers isn't a DEO agent," J'onn explained.

Lena looked down at Gertrude, playing with the puppy's ears. "Could've fooled me," she said snidely.

Winn frowned at the screen. "He isn't doing anything. He's just standing there."

"Does he have the kryptonite suit Supergirl mentioned?"

"Yes, but she went anyway. Alex is testifying today so there was no talking her out of it," Winn sighed.

Lena sat up straight, Gertrude spilling from her lap. "Winn, can I talk to you?"

"Right now?" Winn looked at her incredulously. "There's a—"

"I can take over for a while," J'onn said with a glance at Lena. He couldn't read her mind despite being right next to her, and everything Alex had said about the youngest Luthor not being trustworthy was coming back to him.

"O...kay. J'onn, don't hit backspace," Winn warned. "Or escape. Or the space bar. And don't touch the mouse. Just stand away from the desk!" he said as Lena dragged him away.

Lena turned into a weapons room and locked the door behind them. "So," she started, crossing her arms.

"So." Winn rocked back on his heels. "What's up?"

"You're one of Kara's closest friends, right?"

"I'm—I'm one of them, I like to think so." Winn ruffled his hair nervously.

"And she'd tell you everything." Lena let her fingers trail over the rows of handguns.

Winn swallowed. "Well, probably not—not _everything._ Most things. Small things, unimportant things maybe just—just talking to a, a friend. I'm sure there are things she keeps to herself, like, like things about her sister or you or—or, um, her social security number—"

"Is Kara Supergirl?" Lena picked up a gun and checked the chamber.

"What?! Whoo man, I don't think—why—why do you ask?" Winn stammered out.

"It's a yes or no, Winslow."

"You know my full name?"

Lena yanked on Winn's tie, pulling him close. "Answer my question," she said, digging the barrel of the gun into Winn's gut.

"You should really talk to Kara about this," Winn said with a nervous laugh. "I'm not the expert. I don't really keep tabs on her and—"

The door opened and J'onn stared at them. "Don't you two have more important things to do?"

Lena put the gun down behind her with a _clang_.

"Whew, yeah, good thinking. I should probably get back to tracking Supergirl, you know, with the whole—and the courthouse and I'll be over there." Winn ducked under Lena's arm and tripped over his feet running back to his computer.

Lena narrowed her eyes. "Perfect timing."

"It would appear that way." J'onn turned his back to her.

There was a _whoosh_ and Supergirl landed by J'onn. Gertrude scampered over and tugged on her cape. "Ms. Luthor. J'onn, may I speak with you? Privately." She nodded to Lena.

"What happened at the courthouse?" he followed Kara to a conference room, leaving Lena on her own with the dog.

Kara threw her hands up. "He disappeared before I got there. It's like he knew I was coming."

"Is Alex safe?"

"Yes, I had Agent Martin follow me with a team. They're stationed by the doors, no one goes in or out without her say so."

"Good," J'onn sighed. "You may want to speak to Ms. Luthor, by the way."

"Why?" Kara knit her eyebrows.

"She seems...suspicious of Supergirl. I don't know if it's because she's a Luthor or—"

"No, that wouldn't be it. I'll talk to her, thanks J'onn." Kara bit her lip. "Can you head over to the courthouse too? Just in case, keep an eye on Alex."

"Of course." He put a hand on her shoulder. "We will find him, Kara."

Kara took a deep breath and nodded. "I hope so." She went off to find Lena, fixing her windblown hair quickly. "Ms. Luthor. I hear you've been asking around about me."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "I have," she admitted with a small smile. "I just wanted to clear up a few things."

"And what would those things be?" Kara relaxed at the sight of Lena's smile.

"Just that I forgive you for indirectly causing my mother's death. But I still think you have a god complex," Lena said casually.

Kara took a step back. "Excuse me? A god complex?"

Lena crossed her arms. "Yes. There have been multiple reports over the last week of disturbances and crimes across the city, yet you only respond to some—"

"I've been busy! I have a life—"

"And I wanted to know, how do you decide when to help people?" Lena pressed, seeing Kara's face crumple in hurt. "If it's Alex Danvers, you go at the hint of danger. Other people? You'd let them all burn."

"Not all of them." Kara looked at Lena's mouth. "Not you."

"And why me?" Lena said angrily. _She's never been honest with you._ "It is because my last name is Luthor? Keep your friends close, enemies closer? Is that what this is?"

"That's not it at all!" Kara exploded. Months of lying and hiding who she really was gave her great lying abilities but a very short fuse when it came to Lena. The brunette always somehow got under her skin and Kara could never help herself; she always felt like she had to explain herself to Lena, whether she was Kara Danvers or Supergirl. "I try to save everyone, but sometimes it's not possible. It's easy for the public to find someone to lampoon. But everyone expects a lot from me one hundred percent of the time, even though I'm not perfect. I understand that and I would think you do too! This whole city looks at me with pride in their eyes but highly expectant at the same time, and it seems I have a talent for letting people down without much effort. I couldn't save you, I couldn't save Alex Danvers and I couldn't save her father. And yet, people never notice when I don't let them down because I kill myself to make sure it rarely happens. I've become this beacon to everyone, this person that they can rely on all the time. But I'm not. I'm not just the symbol they see on my chest, I'm more than that. I'm a person too," Kara pleaded. "I was raised on this planet and I'm as human as any of you, but because I can fly you never let me forget that I'm an alien!" Kara finished breathlessly, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. She turned away from Lena, clenching her jaw. She had let herself go too far, she knew that. Lena didn't care about Supergirl's feelings.

Throughout Kara's outburst, Lena had been petting Gertrude calmly but behind her stony expression she was wondering if she was doing the right thing. She didn't mean to crucify Kara but she wanted her friend to take responsibility for lying to her all this time.

Lena set Gertrude down and eyed the symbol on Kara's chest. "What does that mean?"

Kara looked surprised. "It's my family's crest. _El Mayarah_. Stronger together."

"Together. There's a thought." Lena crossed her arms and waited for Kara to say something but the other woman tilted her head.

"Can you hear that?"

"Hear what?" _Not all of us have super hearing, Kara._

"He's here." She braced herself to fly towards the commotion.

"Who's here?" By this point Lena could hear yelling and Gertrude had run off, hiding under the desk.

"Jeremiah. He must have followed me. Stay here," Kara warned Lena. Gunfire echoed down the hall and she jetted off, the wind blowing Lena's hair into her face.

"As if," Lena scoffed. She headed for the weapons closet and grabbed the same gun she'd pointed at Winn. Holding it down by her leg she headed for the sounds of fighting.

When she got there, Supergirl was in the midst of fighting an army of Cadmus agents. Deftly swerving her way through the battleground, Lena shot down two of them. "You can't just run off in the middle of a conversation, it's rude."

"I'm a _little busy_. Can we finish this later or do you just wanna spit it out now?" Supergirl shot through the air and kicked an agent in the head, sending him flying across the room.

"It's kind of a sensitive topic, if you must know," Lena grunted, pistol-whipping a woman who rushed her.

"Sure." Supergirl turned in a circle and pressed her back to Lena's. "Stay close."

Lena stepped away from her. "I can handle myself," she said grimly, shooting a man in the chest.

"I'm more worried about the kill count you'll rack up if I don't stop you," Supergirl said with a wide-eyed glance and the body in front of Lena.

"Whatever." Lena spun around, ducking under the arm of another agent. "Do you see Jeremiah anywhere?"

"I'm right here, darling," his voice hissed in her ear. She jerked away but not before he hooked his arm around her neck, holding a gun to her head.

"Lena!" Supergirl shouted. She started for them but Jeremiah dragged Lena back.

"Ah ah. Don't take another step."

"What do you want with her?" Supergirl ground out, her feet planted. Her entire frame shook and she scanned Jeremiah for weaknesses. His metal suit wasn't glowing green but Kara knew he could activate the kryptonite at any second.

"We want her to lead Cadmus. Or to make an example out of anyone who goes against us. At this point, either will do."

"Supergirl, just kill him." Lena looked at her imploringly. Kara's speech about not wanting to let people down had resonated with her but she knew there was no easy way out of this. Jeremiah's hand holding the gun was steady and she suspected the arm he had around her neck was mostly metal.

"No, Lena. I'm not letting you go." Kara zeroed in on Jeremiah's arm. It was wrapped tightly around Lena's neck and her x-ray vision revealed there was kryptonite pulsing in his metal hand. She couldn't see a way to break Lena free without the gun going off, but if she went for his arm Jeremiah could just as easily break her neck. _Cadmus isn't sentimental. Would he even hesitate before killing Lena?_

"I leave with Lena Luthor and no one else gets hurt today." Jeremiah started dragging Lena towards the exit. Kara watched her window of opportunity shrink; no one else moved a muscle.

"Wait!"

Jeremiah paused, giving Lena a chance to regain her footing.

"Kill him!" she said again, "What are you waiting for?" She looked over at an agent who had his gun aimed at Jeremiah; the only shot that would hit him would hit Lena too. "Shoot him!" she said forcefully, still trying to pull Jeremiah's arm away. "I won't be held captive again, take the shot, dammit!"

"Don't you dare!" Kara stepped forward, unwilling to let Lena's death wish end the day in blood. "Every one put your weapons down!"

One by one the DEO agents lowered their weapons. The remaining Cadmus agents were slowly collecting themselves and regrouping around Jeremiah.

"Let her go," Kara tried one last time.

"That won't work," he sneered. "I want a powerful figurehead for Cadmus and Ms. Luthor here will do just fine."

"Take me instead."

Jeremiah froze. "What?"

"Take me instead. I'll go with you."

"Nice try. What proof do I have that you won't kill me the second I release Ms. Luthor?"

"You have a kryptonite suit? We have kryptonite handcuffs. I'll put some on and then trade you. Me for Lena. Does that sound fair?"

"Supergirl, don't. I'm not worth it." Lena had stopped trying to get away but her voice shook. She didn't want her friend to sacrifice herself on her account.

"You are. Give yourself more credit, Lena," Kara said sadly. "You. Bring me the handcuffs." The agent she pointed to went to get them looking nervous all the while. There was no protocol for this situation, but if he disobeyed Supergirl she would be sure to get him fired for it—or worse.

Kara and Jeremiah stared at each other in a silent stalemate until she felt the kryptonite nearing her. Clenching her jaw, she nodded to the agent to put the cuffs on. "There," she said, trying to hide her discomfort. "Now let her go."

"Come over here." Jeremiah motioned with the gun and Kara walked over slowly. There wasn't a lot of kryptonite in the cuffs but there was enough for her to lose her focus as she walked. She stumbled and caught herself before she could fall to the ground.

 _Don't look weak._ She stood up straight, clearing her throat. "You have me. Let her go."

With a sneer Jeremiah shoved Lena away from him. "I could just take the two of you. But we have plans for Ms. Luthor that need her to stay where she is" he said, reaching greedily for Supergirl's wrist.

"Don't do this. National City needs Supergirl," Lena said quietly as an agent ushered her away.

"And Kara Danvers needs to know that you're safe." Kara raised her chin. "Get Ms. Luthor away from here," she instructed the agent in a louder voice. She listened as Lena's high-heeled shoes clacked away down the hall then faced Jeremiah. "We can go now."

There was a crash and something flew in through the window. "You aren't going anywhere," a deep voice called out.

"J'onn," Kara whispered. She turned back to the agent. "Get these things off of me." Once more the DEO dissolved into chaos as fighting broke out. Kara groaned impatiently as the agent fumbled with the key and the second the cuffs fell of her she rose into the air. J'onn had Jeremiah in a headlock and Kara scanned the ground, picking out her target. As she dove down she heard a canister hit the ground and start to hiss; seconds later the room was filling up with smoke. When the smoke cleared, Kara saw with disappointment that Jeremiah had disappeared again.

Lena was standing in the hallway off the main room and stared as she floated down. "Ms. Luthor, are you alright?"

"You would sacrifice yourself for me?"

"It's my duty to protect the people of National City," Kara said defensively.

"I'm the only one whose last name is Luthor."

"You're also the only one I publicly singled out as under my protection," Kara pointed out.

Lena felt her cheeks flush and looked down. "That's a first," she said calmly, trying to stop the blood rushing to her face. "Was there a reason?"

"Yes. I—the city needs you. You're more important that you realize. Honestly, Lena, I wish you'd see that."

 _Honestly?_ "You're starting to sound like my mother, Supergirl," Lena said in an emotionless voice. Any feelings that had blossomed in her chest at Kara's sacrifice had been shattered away in that second. "I have somewhere to be."

Kara was speechless. "I don't think—didn't Kara Danvers come in with you? Let me go get her," she said quickly.

Lena watched her go with a look verging on contempt. _How did I never notice? It's painfully obvious._ She schooled her features into a bored expression as Kara walked towards her; the cape was gone and the glasses were resting on her face. "Kara."

"What happened?" Kara said, sounding convincingly shocked.

 _You really are a good liar._ "Jeremiah attacked. And you'll be surprised to hear, Supergirl actually offered herself up in exchange for me."

"Why would I be surprised?" Kara raised her eyebrows innocently.

"Because she said she was doing it for you. Well, the city, but she also said that...she said that you needed me." Lena forced a small smile.

Confronted with the possibility of losing Lena again, Kara had opened herself up to Jeremiah far more than she'd meant to. She didn't know what she was thinking, just that she couldn't let Lena be taken again. "She was right," Kara said hesitantly. "You're important to me. You've always known that."

"Right. Am I to assume that you asked _Supergirl_ to keep an eye out for me?" Lena said jokingly, taking Kara's arm. They headed for the exit.

Kara smiled sheepishly. "Guilty. But what are friends for?"

"Bold move, Kara Danvers. Asking the city's superhero for a personal favor? Does this mean you're invested in my well-being? Personally?" She winked playfully.

"Of course, we're best friends! If anything happened to you I'd...I don't know what I'd do if you disappeared again," Kara said sincerely, adjusting her glasses.

When Kara looked away from her, Lena's face went blank. "Let's get back to work," she said in a falsely cheery voice. "All this fighting has given me a headache, I could use a chart of statistics or an atom diagram to calm me down."

Kara chuckled. "You're such a nerd. Fine, we can head to L-Corp." She pointed a finger. "Don't try to slip away from me, Sam will _kill_ me."

 _Sam knows you're Supergirl, so that doesn't seem likely._ "Fine," Lena surrendered, "I'll stick around."

* * *

"So who's running L-Corp for today, since Sam's out?"

"You do realize my company can run on its own. It's a well-oiled machine, much like the media conglomerate you've left to its own devices."

Kara shot Lena a side glance. "Noted."

"It's fine," Lena said good-naturedly. She nodded to the security agents by the elevator. "Are those DEO agents?" she whispered to Kara as the doors slid shut.

Kara nodded, her eyes on the ceiling. She surreptitiously slipped her glasses down her nose and x-rayed the floors above them.

"Is everything alright?"

Kara quickly pushed her glasses back up. "Yup. Ev—everything's fine. Why do you ask?"

They stepped off the elevator and Lena clicked her tongue. "Just everything going on with Jeremiah. I know he raised you, it must be hard seeing him in a bad light."

Kara looked away. "Just one more parent to be disappointed by, right?" She said with a bitterness that surprised Lena.

"You mentioned your parents were..."

"Not the people I thought they were," Kara said shortly, "And Jeremiah didn't just betray me. He broke Alex's heart the last time he showed up. I guess I'm not doing too well in the father figure department." She entered Lena's office and yawned.

"J'onn seems like a father figure. Wouldn't you count him?" Lena smiled at Kara's yawn; it reminded her of a documentary she'd seen on Sam's TV one night while she was shaking from withdrawal, with her mane of blonde hair and the way her nose scrunched up.

"I do, just..." Kara sat down on the couch and pulled her legs up. _How do you tell someone it's hard to ever feel at home when you're an alien refugee?_ "So what did you have to do?" She changed the subject.

Lena sighed. "Sam told me the board disapproves of my buying a 'frilly, substance-less, media hot-air balloon'," she made air quotes with her fingers.

"What?! And what did you say to that?" Kara sat up indignantly.

"I told them I'd take them seriously when their last name was Luthor," Lena said.

Kara smiled nervously. "I guess that's good. Not that my opinion really matters much but I think it was a smart move."

"Your opinion is the only one that matters." Lena tilted her head.

"Really?" Kara pushed her glasses up.

"To me, anyway," Lena added. She went over to the cabinets and casually opened one, trying to find the bottles of pills she'd stashed away but it was nowhere to be seen. Her eyebrows knit and she opened her other cabinets with increasing distress; she rarely misplaced things and it was unsettling.

Kara watched her with dread building in her stomach. "Are you looking for something?" she asked timidly.

Lena waved her question away. "Do you think Sam let anyone else in here?" A thought struck her suddenly. _That's going to be a disaster if someone on the outside found my drugs. Owning a media company won't help me now._

"Anyone else...like Supergirl?"

Lena froze.

"Just, um, Sam asked her if she could check your office. For anything out of the ordinary." Kara shrank into the couch. _Crap._

Lena slammed the last cabinet shut, making Kara flinch. Se turned to face Kara, her face thunderous. "And who gave you the right to—"

"I didn't really know this was happening," Kara said in a small voice.

 _Liar._ "Right. Sorry," Lena said abruptly. She sat down at her desk and pulled a stack of papers towards her. "I suggest you get to working on an article. This is going to keep me all day," she said coldly.

Kara bit her lip. "Um, about that. My next article is supposed to be...well, you."

Lena exhaled slowly, keeping her face blank. She usually wanted Kara around as much as possible but for some reason the idea of being interviewed by her was, at the moment, appalling. "I have a lot of work to do. I'll give you a call when I'm free."

"Lena, I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't," Lena lied. "I'll call you later." She felt like she was back in the Luthor mansion; every expression she made was being monitored. Kara could hear everything in her body, could see through... _my clothes. I feel...exposed._

Kara stood up, crestfallen. "Alright. I'll be at Cat Co., I guess." She left sadly, looking back expecting Lena to say something else but the CEO had her nose buried in work.

* * *

"And what did you see when you arrived at the scene?"

"I saw that piece of shit on top of my girlfriend." Alex's knuckles were white against the chair.

"Language, Agent Danvers," the judge warned.

Alex narrowed her eyes. "I said, I walked in and saw that monster on top of my girlfriend," she said through clenched teeth.

"And then what happened?" Collins' lawyer paced in front of her.

Alex met Maggie's eyes across the courtroom. "I remember him saying...'look who came to play', and then he asked me if I wanted to join in." She tore her gaze away and stared at the wooden banister in front of her.

"Mr. Collins says you attacked him without warning or provocation. Is that true?"

"He was on top of—"

"Did you make any indication that if he didn't stop you would stop him yourself?"

"What was I supposed to do, ask him nicely? Maggie was just lying there and he was attacking her!" Alex hit the podium with her fist.

"That's quite a temper, Agent Danvers. Do you find that you have trouble containing your anger often?"

"Objection, relevance!" Maggie's lawyer stood up behind her.

"It has to do with her attacking Mr. Collins," the other lawyer explained.

"I'll allow it." The judge peered over her glasses. "Answer the question, Agent Danvers."

Alex forced her hands into her lap. "I am a trained government agent. I exercise force when necessary."

"That's right, you work for the FBI." The lawyer waved a hand. "You are an agent of the law. You keep the streets safe and at times, you hold people's lives in your hands."

Alex nodded. "That's right."

"So I'm sure the jury would like to know that you, a so-called upstanding law enforcer, are currently seeking treatment for alcohol addiction?"

Alex's blood ran cold and she saw Sam's eyes widen, sitting in the witness section of the room. Her mouth felt like it was wired shut and it took her a moment to relax her jaw. "I am," she said in an unwavering voice. The question had taken her by surprise but she refused to show it. "I am currently on leave of absence, spending time towards helping myself so I can get back to helping the people around me."

"People like...Lena Luthor?"

There was a collective intake of breath from the jury at Lena's name and Maggie's lawyer stood up again. "Your honor, this has no relevance!"

"Counselor, I don't like where your vein of questioning is headed. Wrap it up," the judge said sternly, glaring at Collins' lawyer.

"Of course. I just want to make it clear that Agent Danvers might not have been in a good head space when she violently attack Mr. Collins with absolutely no warning."

"You've made your point. You may be seated, unless you have any other questions for Agent Danvers?"

"No, your honor." Collins' lawyer straightened his tie and smirked at Alex as she headed back to her seat. Her hands were shaking, so she shoved them into her pockets before he could notice.

Maggie's lawyer stood up. "I would like to call Samantha Arias to the stand."

Sam weaved her way through the chairs and sat down nervously. While she was swearing to tell the truth she saw Maggie looking at her with dawning apprehension.

"Ms. Arias, when did you arrive on the scene?" Maggie's lawyer started.

"Shortly after Alex did." Sam kept her answer short.

"And what did you do when you arrived?"

Sam took a deep breath. "I made sure that my daughter was safe—she's the one who called me—and then I went towards the bedroom."

"And why did you go there first?"

"Because I could hear yelling coming from the doorway."

"Then what happened?"

"I saw Alex—Agent Danvers—fighting with that man." Sam pointed a finger at Roger, who raised an eyebrow mockingly.

"And who was winning the fight?"

"By that time, Agent Danvers had subdued Mr. Collins but there was no 'winning'," Sam said carefully.

"Are you implying that before then, Mr. Collins could have had the upper hand?"

"Well, put it this way. Alex's nose was bleeding and I'm sure she didn't punch herself in the face, so it wasn't a one-sided fight." Sam stretched her shoulders and got ready for the next question.

"And what state was Officer Sawyer in?"

Sam glanced at Maggie. These were the questions she'd been dreading. "Not good. She was lying down. You could tell she wasn't...that something horrible had happened."

"And according to her statement, you took her to the hospital?"

"That's correct."

"And what happened there?"

"We, um... we went into a private room and," Sam cleared her throat, "A doctor came and examined her and they had her do a..." her voice got lost in her throat.

"A what, Ms. Arias?" The lawyer pressed.

Sam swallowed. "A rape kit," she said in a clear voice. She saw Maggie's shoulders shake slightly but kept going. "They deduced that there was enough evidence of trauma to press charges."

"Thank you. No further questions." Maggie's lawyer sat down and scribbled something as Collins' lawyer stood up.

"Ms. Arias, are you a doctor?"

"No."

"So what gives you the right to testify medical information?"

"I'm just repeating what the doctor told me."

"And why are you suddenly the medical expert and the main witness? Shouldn't we be speaking with a doctor, or the woman who the test was performed on?"

"Excuse me!" Maggie's lawyer strode forward. "Officer Sawyer submitted a statement in exchange for her testimony. This is outrageous—"

"Stop." The single word echoed through the room and Maggie stood up. "I'll do it."

Alex and Sam both turned to face her. "Maggie, you don't have to do this."

"It's okay. I can't just watch his lawyer attack you like this." Maggie looked to the judge. "May I...?"

The judge nodded. "Fine."

Maggie and Sam swapped places, the older woman squeezing her hand comfortingly as they brushed passed each other.

"Are you ready to tell the court what you wrote in your statement?"

Maggie took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes."

* * *

"Lena? What're you doing here?"

Lena did a one-eighty looking for Kara. "Hey! Just the person I wanted to see. I came here to apologize for earlier."

Kara glanced down at the ground. "It's alright."

"No, it's not. I was rude and you just wanted to help, and I'm—I'm really sorry." Lena put a hand on Kara's shoulder. "I bit your head off and you were just being nice. Will you accept my apology?"

"Lena, of course I forgive you." Kara smiled easily. "What are friends for?"

Lena sighed in relief. "Thank you. I've been thinking about you since you left my office."

"You have?" Kara said hopefully. Lena had been acting strange lately, detached and formal, and she wondered what was bothering her friend.

"I thought maybe you'd want to have a little get-together tonight?"

Kara grinned widely. "Great idea! Alex, Sam and Maggie are already coming over, I was going to ask if you wanted to join."

Lena's smile faltered. "Oh. It's a girl's night." She had been hoping to get Kara alone and confront her about lying to her but it looked like that would have to wait.

"Super!"

 _Yes, you are_. Lena narrowed her eyes.

"They're all coming over around eight. Sam says I have to let her cook because 'pizza and pot stickers doesn't count as a full meal'," Kara frowned. "She mentioned vegetables."

"She has a point." Lena patted her arm condescendingly. "Not all of us have _super-_ metabolisms."

Kara laughed nervously. "Well I'll see you then. Lots of work to do, I'll text you when I'm headed home!" She pushed her glasses up and hurried away.

* * *

"Trick or treat?"

"Hey!" Sam smiled and pulled Lena into a hug, Gertrude running over to greet her. "Nice to see you! You're late."

"I know, I'm sorry," Lena apologized. Sam tried to step around Gertrude but she stumbled and Lena caught her with a curious look. "Sam, you're not drunk are you?"

Sam squinted. "Nope. Maybe. A little. There's no alcohol allowed in this house. Kill me if I pre-gamed before coming over."

"Why?" Lena shot a glance at Alex who was sitting with Maggie on the couch.

"Court was brutal." Sam shook her head. "I'll be fine. I don't know about Maggie or Alex though."

Lena narrowed her eyes but let it slide. The only reason she was late was she found a loose pill in her bag and took it, then crashed on the couch in her office for four hours. "I am driving you home," she hissed as Kara headed over to them.

"Hey, you made it!" Kara beamed. "How was work, did you finish your...whatever it was?"

"You mean did I convince my board of directors that buying a media company was a good move? Yes. I also promised them an article about me and I was hoping my best reporter would be up for the job," Lena smiled guiltily. "I know I've been flaking on you lately, I just thought maybe you could come over and we could finally get that interview done."

"I'd love to!" Kara said enthusiastically. "Come have some of the mac and cheese that Sam made before I eat it all." She linked arms with Lena and dragged her over.

"Hi Maggie. Alex," Lena nodded to them as Kara held a spoon up. "Sorry I haven't seen you since—"

"Isn't it good?" Kara laughed as she shoved the pasta in Lena's mouth.

Lena took the spoon from her hand. "Oh my god, yes. I forgot how good her cooking is." She sat down at the table and watched as Kara dug in across from her. "So do you have a plan for the interview?"

"Yes, okay. Here's what I've got planned. Basically, I want to talk about the direction you're moving Cat Co. in, and then I wanted to do a more personal piece about you, how you feel your place in National City has changed since you've first gotten here. Do you have anything specific you want me to ask?" She pulled out her phone.

Lena waved her spoon around. "Slow down there, Kara. Let me eat." She could hear Maggie and Alex whispering and tilted her head.

"Are you sure you're okay here?" Maggie was whispering.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me, what about you? After the day you've had, don't you want to go home? Relax?" Alex pressed a hand to Maggie's cheek.

"I just told a room full of people that I..." Maggie closed her eyes and leaned into Alex's hand. "You know, the worst part of it was when I thought he was going to attack you, too. When he was leaning over you and I could see him pulling your coat off and I couldn't move, and I did nothing to help you—"

"Shhh. It's alright. You're safe now. I'm here, and Kara's here, and nothing can get to you. I promise." Alex leaned in and gave Maggie a soft kiss.

"Lena! Helloooo!"

Lena blinked, startled. "Sorry. Yes, I'm listening."

Kara snorted. "Sure. I asked you if you wanted to go to Antarctica with me and you were staring at the table."

"Fine, I wasn't really listening. But I will say, get ready for this interview tomorrow because I'll have some questions of my own," Lena said with a teasing smile. _Let's see how you hold up under pressure, Supergirl._

"Guess I better prepare myself," Kara said, shoveling mac and cheese into her mouth. "Alex, Maggie, come have some of this!" she said through a mouthful of pasta and cheese.

Alex slapped Maggie's leg. "Come on, let's eat." When Maggie sucked in a breath her eyes widened and she cursed. "I'm so sorry, shit, I—I didn't forget I just wasn't thinking—"

"Relax babe." Maggie stood up and kissed her cheek. "I'd rather you act like it isn't there than the alternative."

Lena saw the exchange but buried herself in the food. Sam collapsed into a chair and pretty soon all five of them were laughing and trying to talk Kara into chugging a quarter gallon of milk. Looking around, Lena watched her friends and the moment turned bittersweet. _How many of you have been lying to me? Seems like no one trusts a Luthor, even after everything I've done._


	29. 29) Supercorp

"Are you sure I can't help you?"

"Kara, sit down and let me do your dishes," Sam said in a stern voice. She had sobered up halfway through dinner and felt extremely guilty; she had no right to have shown up drunk but thankfully only Lena had noticed.

"Okay, okay I'm sitting." Kara plopped back into her chair. "Are you sure there's nothing for me to do though?" she tried one last time.

Sam rolled her eyes, elbow deep in soapy water. "Fine. You can scrape the leftover mac and cheese into the trash."

"Bad move," Lena snickered as Kara's eyes widened.

"What?" Sam turned around in time to see Kara shoveling the end of the pasta into her mouth.

"And I'll clean it since I finished it." Kara stood up triumphantly.

"How dare you," Sam said, but she was smiling.

Lena laughed. Sam and Kara's bickering made her feel lighter than she had in weeks; her two best friends getting along brilliantly.

"Aren't you going to at least _offer_ to do the dishes?" Sam scolded her.

Lena shook her head, still smiling. "I think you two have it covered." She looked around for Alex and Maggie but didn't see them anywhere. "Kara, did your sister leave already?''

Kara turned to face her, soap bubbles on her nose. "She and Maggie left with Gertrude an hour ago. They said they were tired, don't you remember?"

"Oh." Lena closed her eyes for a moment. She genuinely couldn't remember Alex leaving; Kara's sister had hugged the walls all evening and barely said a word. Feeling the beginnings of a headache she pinched the bridge of her nose. Kara noticed and her eyebrows knit, her worried crinkle forming.

Sam snorted. "Lena was probably too busy watching you, let's be honest."

Kara flushed, distracted. "Me?"

Sam nodded as Lena's eyes narrowed. "You're pretty cute even when you're shoving food down your throat."

"Hey," Lena warned, jealousy creeping into her tone. Kara smiled at the ground and pushed her glasses up, leaving soap on the rim.

"I saw you too, blondie. Perving on my best friend." Sam winked at Lena as Kara sputtered over the sink.

"I was not—"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Kind of." Sam grinned and finished with the dishes, chuckling to herself. As she shut off the water, Lena cleared her throat then stood up abruptly and went to get her coat. "That's my cue to leave, I guess," Sam yawned. "I'm pretty beat anyway. See you tomorrow? I have to come get my car."

Kara pulled her in for a hug. "If I have time I'll drop by L-Corp." She followed her to the door and opened her arms for Lena.

Lena hesitated. "I'll call you when I'm free for that interview." She slipped out the door leaving Kara standing awkwardly with her arms out.

Sam frowned. "I hope it wasn't what I said."

Kara bit her lip, an almost guilty feeling gnawing at her. "It's not you. She's been a little standoffish lately. I think with what happened to her...I sometimes forget that it _did_ happen. She's always so calm, you know? I never know when something's bothering her."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure you notice things," Sam argued good-naturedly, slinging her jacket over her shoulders.

"Well, her forehead wrinkles up. And her hands fidget around more than usual, and she tends to wear her hair up more. And sometimes her left eye twitches and she normally smells like raspberries but—"

Sam raised an eyebrow. "See. You do notice."

"Okay, so I can _see_. That doesn't mean I know what's going on in her head."

"Ah. That's the infamous Luthor poker face. Lena's had more practice than anyone." Sam patted her pockets for her cell phone. _Three missed calls from work. Shit._

Kara sighed. "I just feel like I'm taking it for granted that she seems so...unfazed. But she still has nightmares every night."

"How do you know that?"

Kara pointed to herself. "Super hearing?"

Sam stuck her tongue out. "Blech. You're constantly listening for her? That's so sweet."

Kara fiddled with her glasses. "I just care about her."

"I know you do." Sam gave her another hug. "You know she keeps asking if I know who Supergirl is," she whispered into Kara's ear.

Kara's mouth dropped open. "What—"

"Sam, are you coming?" Lena doubled back down the hallway.

"Yeah!" Sam called back, pulling away. "You're secret's safe with me, don't worry." She winked at Kara and grabbed her purse, hurrying out the door.

* * *

Alex sighed and reached for the next folder of paperwork. The last week at the DEO had been full of routine calls—robberies, a car crash caused by an alien crossing the street and a small shootout down by the waterfront where no one got hurt. The most exciting thing that had happened was her giving Gertrude a bath, and even that got tiresome after a while because the puppy kept flinging the water everywhere but the bathtub. Fighting back a yawn Alex opened the file and started to read when a scream rang through the apartment.

"Maggie?" Alex ran for the bedroom. When she got there Maggie was twisted up in the sheets, still screaming. "Maggie!" She turned on the bedside lamp and shook her girlfriend gently. The cop reacted, instinctively fighting back. Alex blocked a weak swing at her head and tried again. "Maggie, it's me. It's Alex."

Maggie slowly came out of the nightmare, still fighting against Alex until she sat up, gasping. "He's here."

Alex sat down on the bed and put her hand over Maggie's heart. It was fluttering like a hummingbird and her chest rose and fell as she sucked in air. "No, he's not. He's in jail. You're safe, it's just you and me."

Maggie's eyes met hers and her shoulders relaxed but her breaths were still labored. "Right. Right, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." She closed her eyes and tried to match her breathing to Alex's.

"You didn't." Alex bumped Maggie's shoulder with her own. "Move over." She slid into the bed and stroked Maggie's hair. "You haven't had a nightmare in a while. Is it because you had to talk about it in front of everyone?"

"You were awake?" Maggie didn't answer the question. "It's two in the morning." Maggie made room for her and pulled her close as they both lay down.

"You're awake too," Alex countered, draping an arm over Maggie's side. She pushed Maggie's long, dark hair aside and kissed the exposed spot at the back of her neck. Pressing herself closer, she snuggled in between Maggie and the pillow, breathing in the smell of flowers.

Maggie was close to falling asleep again when Alex broke the silence. "What're you thinking about?"

Maggie shifted slightly and grumbled into the pillow. "How my girlfriend never lets me get any sleep. What're you thinking about?"

Alex paused a moment, playing with Maggie's hair. "How you're always the little spoon."

"Ha ha." Maggie rolled away. "You're such a jerk," she said in a joking tone. Catching a glimpse of Alex's face she frowned. "What are you really thinking about?"

Alex's breath hitched. She wasn't sure if she was ready but her brain was screaming at her to say it before she chickened out. "It's not a fully formed idea," she stalled.

"Okay, shoot." Maggie smiled encouragingly and pulled the blankets higher before cold air could get in.

Alex bit her lip but didn't say anything, reaching for Maggie's hip. She rolled over obligingly and fit her back against Alex's body perfectly. "I was thinking," Alex started quietly, "that we were made for each other. That I would do anything, be anything for you. And I know, I know. I know that another person can't be the reason you get sober, and you're not," she said quickly as she felt Maggie tense. "But I am. The reason, I mean. Because I want to be the best version off myself that I can possibly be. For you." Her voice broke and swallowed, tears pricking her eyes.

Maggie digested this. Alex always struggled with her own demons, with the issues of self-worth and identity that came from being the sister of a superhero. "Light thoughts for two am," she quipped, "But you're more than enou—"

"Will you marry me?" Alex blurted out.

Maggie's mouth fell open but Alex couldn't see it. She waited for a response, getting more and more nervous. "Mags?" She said tentatively after a minute had passed. "I would really love an answer."

Maggie didn't know where her vocal cords had gone. Her brain had completely stopped and she was beyond taken aback. The way Alex had led into that sounded more like a breakup than a proposal. She swallowed, staring at the picture of the two of them Alex had framed on her nightstand. It was from their one year anniversary; they had gone to visit Maggie's hometown in Nebraska. Maggie had been ambivalent but Alex had dragged her back to her old high school despite her protests that she had been miserable there. Once they got there, Alex had broken in and climbed onto the roof, spray-painting 'Alex + Maggie' in a heart for whatever poor construction worker came after them before they had sex in the teacher's lounge. They had been running away and stopped a man walking his dog, asking him to take their photo. Both of them were practically glowing and Maggie had never felt so whole and healed, before everything else had happened to her.

"You didn't fall asleep, did you?" Alex said in a worried tone. "Just my luck, I finally get the balls to say it and you—"

Maggie turned to face her and Alex stopped breathing. She wanted nothing more than to take back what she'd said but it was too late. "Maggie?" She said tentatively.

Maggie broke into a wide grin and the bands around Alex's chest loosened. "Yes. Yes, yes yes!" Maggie leaned in to kiss her and Alex could feel her smiling against her lips. By the time they broke apart, Alex was gasping for breath.

"Okay," Alex said breathlessly. "Wow."

"Wow," Maggie agreed. "Why now?" she asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

Alex looked her in the eye. "Why not now? I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Margaret Sawyer, and I don't care what that means. I don't want to wait any longer, who knows, I could die tomorrow—"

"Don't jinx it," Maggie muttered but she was smiling.

"—Or I could live until I'm ninety-five. Either way, I want to wake up every single day and remember how much I love you, and what better way to do that than to marry you?"

Maggie pulled her in for another kiss. "I love you," she said, twisting her fingers into Alex's hair. "I love you," she said again as Alex tangled their legs together. "I love you."

* * *

"I love...surprise parties," Kara mumbled in her sleep. Her cell phone rang on her nightstand and she shot up with a yell. "Krypton! Doesn't anyone respect that a girl needs her beauty sleep?" She reached for it blindly, answering the call. "Hello?" she mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"Kara, I'm glad you answered. I'm sorry if I woke you up." The voice on the other end made electricity jolt through her veins and her heart skipped a beat.

"Lena? What's going on, are you alright?"

"Better now that I hear your voice." Lena looked down at the bottle of pills in her lap, a fire roaring in the fireplace a few feet away. She could feel the pull of them, like a bungee cord between her and the bottle, but she forced herself to stand up and it fell to the floor with a rattle. "Listen, I know I've been a horrible friend but I could really use your help with something." She started to pace back and forth, the flames casting eerie shadows against the wall.

"I'm on my way." Kara grabbed a jacket out of her closet and threw it on over her pajamas. Stuffing her feet into boots she opened her window. _Let's hope there's no Kenny Li's out there tonight to see Supergirl flying in pajamas._ "Stay on the phone, okay?" She waited for Lena's answer.

"Okay. Should I talk or..."

"Tell me a story," Kara said. She muted her end of the line so Lena wouldn't hear the wind whistling by as she flew to her house.

"A story. I can do that." Lena took a deep breath, her hands shaking. "I remember one Christmas when I was very young, I stumbled into my father's office. I wasn't used to the house yet and I kept getting lost, but my father was furious. He started yelling at me and when Lex came to my defense, he slapped him across the face. Lillian found out the next day. I've never seen her so mad." Lena laughed emptily, staring into the flames. "Actually, I have. But not back then. She came to me saying how I should pay for my own mistakes and not hide behind her son. How a Luthor shouldn't have to suffer because of some adopted orphan girl's stupidity. She slapped me and locked me in one of the mansion's spare rooms, I remember crying myself to sleep and thinking I would die in there."

Kara had listened to the story in silence but she could feel tears slipping down her face. She landed lightly on Lena's street and wiped them away, taking the phone off mute. "What happened next?" she asked in a shaky voice, walking up the street.

"Lex found me. He heard the answering machine saying I hadn't shown up to school and immediately figured out what must have happened. He saved me like he had a thousand times before." Lena watched the fire crackle. "We were as thick as thieves back then, me and Lex. Like you and your sister. I only wish he hadn't..."

"We all wish," Kara said sadly. "I'm here." She knocked on the door and saw Lena get up through the door before the call disconnected.

"Kara," Lena said breathlessly. "That was fast."

"I'm sure I'll have the speeding tickets to prove it." Kara stepped closer to Lena. "What's going on?"

Lena bit her lip. "You remember when you were at my house last," she said, ushering Kara inside.

Kara nodded. She remembered the sting of Lena screaming at her to 'get out', remembered the look of betrayal on her friend's face as she offered to help.

"And you said I had a...problem," Lena said tentatively, leading the way to the fireplace.

"Yes." Kara listened to Lena's heartbeat. Everything seemed normal but she didn't know if Lena was clean or just really good at faking it. Experience had taught her that either one could be the truth and living with her sister's drinking had taught her that the situation could flip in less than a second.

"You were right," Lena said slowly. She stared into the fire, shame seeping into her cheeks. She hadn't wanted to call Supergirl, but Kara was one of her best friends and she couldn't in good conscience show Sam this side of her. Sam would understand, Sam had helped her through it—but she found herself dialing Kara's number before she realized what she was doing.

"Right about..." Kara took a few steps forward and put her hand on Lena's shoulder. She heard Lena's heartbeat stutter and pulled her hand away but Lena reached for it, trapping it between her own.

"Lena, you're shaking." Kara's eyes widened.

"Can we sit by the fire? I'm cold." Lena's legs buckled and Kara barely had time to catch her.

"Lena!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine." The brunette waved away her concern. "Just light-headed." They rearranged themselves so they sat facing each other.

"Do you need some water? Something to eat? When's the last time you had a full meal?" Kara's hands fluttered around Lena; fixing her collar, brushing her hair behind her ear, patting her on the knee.

Lena closed her eyes and hung her head. Sitting in front of the fire with Kara looking at her like that, she suddenly felt exhausted. She was tired of keeping secrets, tired of having to treat Kara so coldly, tired of being lied to. The only thing overriding her exhaustion was the voice in her head telling her to down a few pills and hope things would be better in the morning, even though she knew they wouldn't be. "I think the last time I ate was...when I was at your apartment. With Sam. Or maybe the day after that?"

Kara grit her teeth feeling tears welling up in her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but her voice failed her and she took a deep breath before trying again. "You need to take better care of yourself," she said in an almost angry tone. She glared at the fire, feeling just as lost and disappointed as she had the first time she'd found Alex passed out on the floor, empty liquor bottles lying next to her. But this wasn't Alex, it was Lena. And somehow, this was worse.

"I'm trying," Lena said defensively, "Why do you think I called you?" _Why_ did _I call her of all people? Supergirl would never let me get away with what I'm doing to myself._

Kara sighed. "Lena, you know I'd do anything for you but I can't read your mind."

 _No, but you can hear my heart beating and you can see through me in more ways than one._ "I needed some company." Now that Kara was actually here, she felt self-conscious and guilty. "That, and I wanted an excuse to order a pizza at three in the morning."

"Well, what are friends for?" Kara smiled but the pill bottle Lena had dropped on the ground caught her eye. "Lena, are you—did you take anything?"

Lena followed her gaze. "I took Sam's favorite pen off her desk," she said casually. "You caught me." She put her head in her hands. _Lena Luthor, child genius. Reduced to...what? An addict? A loser? A cold, heartless monster?_

"Don't do that. Don't deflect. My sister does that all the time and I hate it." Kara's tone was biting but she cupped Lena's cheek in her hand gently and raised her head so their eyes met. "What's wrong?" she said as Lena shivered.

Lena hesitated and Kara studied her face as she tried to come up with the right words. "It's the withdrawal," she finally said in a defeated voice. "I'm always cold, I can't sleep. I have a headache that never seems to go away and anytime I stand up this wave of nausea hits me out of nowhere." She closed her eyes, blocking out the sight of Kara's tears, but she could still feel her piercing stare through her eyelids. "I know I told Sam I was fine, but I'm not. I just didn't want to put her through this." She heard Kara sigh and felt her hand drop, and she waited for Kara to say something, waited for Supergirl to be disgusted with her. When she heard the bottle of pills rattle she opened her eyes.

"I made the mistake of giving Alex a choice the first time but I've learned my lesson," Kara said in a hard voice. "I'm getting rid of these." She knelt down and tossed the bottle into the fireplace.

"That seems like a safety hazard," Lena said, watching the plastic start to melt.

"They're more dangerous if I leave them with you." Kara turned to face her and Lena was taken aback by the expression on her face. It was a mixture of sadness and guilt that Lena couldn't understand. Kara stood up and broke the eye contact, holding a hand out to Lena. "Come on. I know what you need."

"Can't I just stay on the floor?" Lena hugged her knees to her chest. "It's so warm here."

Kara deliberated for a moment then picked Lena up, carrying her over to the couch. She sat down, Lena's legs draped over hers. "You need sleep, Lena."

Not surprised at Kara's strength, Lena didn't say anything but reached for the blanket on the arm of the couch. "How come you're never cold?" The intimacy of the moment left her brain scrambling for things to say.

"It doesn't matter. Come here." Kara opened her arms and Lena wriggled into them, laying her head on Kara's chest. She stretched her legs out and spread the blanket over their bodies, feeling safe between Kara and the back of the couch. Kara's arms came up to hold her and Lena relaxed into her body; it was like a space heater and within minutes, under the blanket Lena was as warm as though she was sitting next to the fire. She closed her eyes and listened to Kara's heart thudding in her chest, falling into the best sleep she'd had in weeks.

* * *

Lena woke up shivering.

"Breakfast!" Kara called out, hearing signs of life. "You didn't have a ton of stuff in your fridge but I made do. There's eggs and pancakes and coffee and—" a timer went off and she squealed—"And soufflé! I've never made a soufflé, but it was super fun!"

Lena got up and stretched, wrapping the blanket around herself before walking to the kitchen. "It's too early for you to be this excited about _anything_ ," Lena muttered. She stopped short when she saw the kitchen. "You didn't mention it was soufflé number six," she said dryly.

Kara smiled guiltily at the stack of burned soufflés. She'd tried to make them with her heat vision but cooking and baking were very different things and she'd ended up calling her mother. When Eliza had found out who the soufflé was for, she'd teased her mercilessly. "I'll clean this all up," she said sheepishly.

"No, I'll do it. You cooked, I'll clean." Lena sat down and put her head in her arms next to the rejected soufflés. "But first, a nap."

Kara frowned. "Didn't you just wake up?"

"I told you it's too early," Lena groaned into her elbow.

"It's ten in the morning."

Lena groaned again. "Shit. I have to go to work." She started to stand up but Kara came around and the counter and made her sit.

"Lee, it's Sunday." She smiled at Lena's relieved sigh and rubbed circles on her back. "Besides, work can wait for breakfast."

Kara's nickname made Lena's heart skip a beat but she covered it up with a chuckle. "Is that why you were late so many times this week?" Lena joked.

Kara's hand froze on Lena's back and she pulled away. Half the DEO calls that week had been at eight or nine in the morning. "Um, there was a problem with the engine—"

"I don't know why you take the bus to work when you have a car." Lena reached for a piece of soufflé but Kara slapped her hand away.

"Hey. I'll serve you, it's not polite to eat with your hands."

"Excuse me?" Lena said in disbelief. "Says the woman I watched eat a pile of pot stickers with her bare hands. Several times. And it was enough pot stickers to feed a small army."

Kara laughed, surrendering the soufflé. "I stand corrected. Have at it."

She positively beamed as Lena took a bite of it and let out a sound of pleasure. "Tell your mom I said thanks."

Kara turned up her nose. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Please," Lena rolled her eyes, "You don't bake. And I doubt Alex has the world's best soufflé recipe up her sleeve, so that leaves your mom." She took another bite and sighed. "I should probably still get to work," she said begrudgingly. "I know it's Sunday but I told Sam I'd work through payroll with her." Lena had resumed her head position at L-Corp and Sam was now her Chief Financial Officer, but she and Kara were co-chairs of Cat Co. Kara had surpassed her already-high expectations and now she was confident enough to run the company on her own but Lena used it as an excuse to see her during the week.

"Why don't you just sit down, relax, and enjoy the breakfast I made you?"

Lena bit her lip. "It was really nice of you but I have to go—"

Kara frowned. "But I just finished cooking."

"I really can't stay—"

"Damn it, Lena!" Kara put down a ceramic bowl with enough force to crack it and Lena flinched. "I already made you breakfast, why can't you just let yourself enjoy it?"

"It's not that I don't want to, I just told you—"

"What is going on with you? It can't be just the drugs because you weren't like this when you first got back." Kara took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. "One moment you're annoyed I missed brunch plans, the next you won't give me the time of day." She slipped her glasses back on. "What's changed?"

"What's changed?" Lena echoed, stalling for time. "I don't know what you're talking about." The flush of anger creeping into Kara's cheeks was unsettling; Kara occasionally showed her frustration but she never let it get this far this fast. "It's just taking me a while to settle back in—into my life."

"I understand that you went through hell and back with your mother, but that doesn't explain _this_ ," Kara gestured wildly. "I can't keep doing this." She didn't know where all her anger was coming from, just that she was fed up with Lena's back-and-forth attitude concerning their friendship.

"Can't keep doing what?"

"Can't keep killing myself to make sure you're happy, not when you're ignoring me." She stood up and closed the space between them and Lena could see the hurt in her eyes.

"I'm not ignoring you. I called you last night, didn't I?" The conversation had escalated so suddenly that Lena wasn't even sure what they were arguing about.

"Yeah, but you've been giving me the cold shoulder and then in the same breath saying we're best friends. I'm not putting up with it, stop acting like I don't have any feelings, okay?" Kara burst out. "I have feelings! A lot of them! So don't treat me like it doesn't matter what you do to me!"

"Feelings about what?"

"You!" Kara threw her hands up in frustration. "About you, Lena, for you!" She said angrily.

Lena bit her lip. "You came of your own free will," she countered, feeling her own anger rise. _Kara is a grown woman, why is she trying to put the weight of her decisions on me?_

"Of course I did, what are friends for? You needed the company." Kara shook her head. "Besides, I never have a choice when it's you, not really."

"What the hell does that mean?" Lena said bitingly, taking a step towards Kara. " _I_ called _you_. You could've said no."

"And _you_ could've called _anyone else_ ," Kara pointed out, squirming under Lena's gaze. "You just needed to have someone there—"

"I needed you!" Lena froze, her eyes widening at the words coming out of her mouth. She and Kara were inches away from each other.

"What?" Kara whispered, her eyes not leaving Lena's.

"I needed...I needed you to tell me the truth. I needed my best friend back. I needed Kara Danvers." Lena cleared her throat. "I needed you," she said again in a low voice, feeling like she was about to jump off a cliff and her parachute might not open. "Because you always make me feel like I'm home when I don't have one. Because after everything, I still need you around and that makes me so, so mad, you have _no idea_ —"

"Mad?"

"—Because your friendship has saved me in ways I didn't even know were possible," Lena continued, afraid that if she stopped talking she would never work up the nerve to say these things again. "Mainly as Luthor in a city with a superhero. But more importantly, as someone who thought they were incapable of—of feelings, feeling anything—like this," Lena stammered over the last few words. "Because I need you in my corner."

"I'm always in your corner, you know that. What are friends f—"

Lena leaned forward and stopped Kara the only way she could think of. Their lips crashed together, awkward at first then giving way to curiosity. Lena's brain screamed at her that Kara would push her away, that Kara would be disgusted, that she was losing her best friend forever. Her body had other plans; her lips parted and she breathed Kara in, praying she wouldn't recoil. Her arms wrapped around Kara's waist and pulled her closer.

Kara was beyond startled, too startled to move. She felt Lena's mouth open and something inside her shifted; this was Lena, the faint smell of fresh raspberries and shampoo, the feel of her body as Kara ran her hands up Lena's arms. Her eyes closed and she reached around, pulling Lena's hair out of its tight bun. It cascaded down her back and Kara hesitated for a moment, but there was a desperation in Lena's kiss and when she let out a moan, Kara tangled her fingers in Lena's hair. This was what had been missing for so long, this was what she'd wanted, what she'd needed, without knowing it, since the first time she'd laid eyes on Lena Luthor. All the small pangs of disappointment from when Lena wasn't around, all the times she'd thought Lena didn't want to be friends anymore, all the times Kara had felt like something was missing from their conversations—this was it. Part of her was unsure of what to do but the other part of her, the part that had been wondering what Lena _tasted like_ took over and she turned, pulling Lena with her. She backed the CEO up against the counter, trapping her between the marble and her own body. Feeling Lena pull away, Kara's hands dropped quickly. _What have I done?_

Lena was breathing heavily and Kara watched hungrily as the tendons in her neck moved up and down, too afraid to meet her eyes but not wanting to look anywhere else. After a moment Kara moved as though to step back but Lena grabbed her by the waist. "Wait."

Kara finally looked up, a flutter of hope starting in her chest. Lena didn't have anything planned so she said the first words that came to mind. "You didn't pull away."

Kara shook her head. "You did," she said accusingly.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright. I kind of sprung that on you."

"Kind of?" Kara snorted and the tension broke. "I mean, we were in the middle of a fight, Lee. How was I supposed to expect that?"

"I thought I made it pretty obvious what I wanted. Maybe you're just bad at flirting."

Kara laughed but the noise died in her throat at the look in Lena's eyes. "What?"

"I'm not crazy, am I? You do like me." Lena bit her lip.

Kara's breath hitched and she stared at Lena. She was afraid to say anything and shatter the fragile dream they'd just shared.

"Kara?" Lena raised an eyebrow.

Kara took a deep breath. "You're amazing. You're kind and generous and insanely, crazy smart. And you are beautiful and you've been through so much and you're still a better person than all the rest of us put together, and—" she tried to get her thoughts organized but Lena was staring at her in such a distracting way that her vocabulary failed her. "I just feel like you didn't—that maybe you didn't know that I really, really—I mean, more than—"

"Kara, darling, stop rambling. Just say it," Lena said, bracing herself for the worst.

Kara pushed her glasses up her nose and cleared her throat. "I really do like you, Lena."

Lena's heart melted at the sincerity in her voice and she smiled. "Well it's nice to hear you finally say it."

"Of course I like you, how could I not? You're so cool and you know everything about science there is to know and you're just a genuinely kind person, and I hope you realize that because sometimes I feel like you don't see yourself the way I see you and that honestly makes me kind of sad but—"

"What about Supergirl?" Lena said before she could stop herself. _Shit._

Kara's jaw dropped. "What?"

"Do you think Supergirl will like me? Now that we've—now that you'll be spending more time with me, hopefully," Lena covered up quickly.

"I'm sure she does. I know she admires you and she—I can, um, ask her if—"

"Never mind." Lena leaned forward and kissed her again, slower than the first time. Kara's mind went blank and her heart beat faster. If the first kiss was an explosion, this one reminded her of a sunny day spent picnicking. It was warm but not hot, not as urgent as the first one had been. When they broke away Kara was smiling and Lena's lips were slightly swollen. They looked at each other for a moment then Kara burst out laughing.

"You know," Kara said between laughs, "Everyone's been telling me this would happen."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, come on. You're saying no one ever mentioned... _this_ to you?"

Lena pursed her lips. "It might've come up once or twice." Her phone rang and they jumped apart. "Hello?" Lena answered it, smiling at Kara.

"Lena, what the hell! I thought you were coming to meet me. Where are you?!" Sam's voice yelled over the phone and Lena held it away from her ear.

"Sorry, sorry! I'm coming. I'm caught up in traffic," Lena lied.

"Traffic? You were supposed to be here half an hour ago," Sam said accusingly. "You better not be just waking up."

"We're on our way," Kara jumped in with a guilty look at Lena.

"Kara?" Sam's voice immediately softened. "What're you doing there?"

"I brought Lena coffee," Kara lied smoothly. "I'll make sure she gets there soon," Kara promised.

"You can come over too. We should all get lunch after, it's been forever since we've caught up," Sam said enthusiastically.

"We were all together a week or two ago," Lena objected.

"Too bad. See you soon! Bye!" Sam hung up and Lena looked at Kara.

"You're a better liar under pressure than I thought. Do you want to come with, or..."

"Sure," Kara said shyly.

"But don't tell Sam." Lena threw the phone in her purse. "Let's keep this private for now."

"This, what is this? What are...we?" Kara pushed her glasses up.

Lena bit her lip. She had no idea what they were; she knew she loved Kara but the Supergirl thing was a thorn in her side. She suspected she had been so mad at Kara because of her feelings for her. "We," she said, putting her arms around Kara's neck, "are going to L-Corp." She leaned forward, stopping inches away from Kara's face and waited for the other woman to say something.

Kara's breathing was unsteady as she stared into Lena's eyes. "Sure. Yes. L-Corp. Right, anything you say."

Lena smiled slyly. "Anything?" It was adorable how nervous Kara seemed now that they weren't kissing.

Kara nodded vigorously.

"Then let me drive you over so you don't have to take the bus." Lena pulled away, heading for the door. Kara watched her leave, her brain kicking into gear.

 _Oh, Rao. What just happened?_


	30. 30) Party Crasher

"You're late."

"I know, I know. But we brought doughnuts as a peace offering."

Sam narrowed her eyes but she snatched the bag out of Lena's hands. "Peace offering accepted. And I'm only not mad at you because Kara already texted me to say you wouldn't get out of bed."

Lena shot Kara a look but the reporter wouldn't meet her eyes, taking a bite out of her own jelly doughnut. _I wish I was that doughnut._ "How's your morning? You had questions about the payroll?" Lena said, mentally slapping herself. She could still taste Kara on her lips.

Sam knit her eyebrows. "You seem awfully chipper for someone who wouldn't get up."

"Cold showers. Alex suggested them and I've finally taken her advice." Lena waved the comment away. "So what's the issue?"

Sam didn't look convinced but she headed to Lena's desk. "I think you've made a mistake."

Lena rolled her eyes. "That's presumptuous of you. Where, pray tell, is this mistake?"

"Right here." Sam opened a binder and pointed to a highlighted section. "Don't those numbers seem a little too high?"

"Sam, you dork, that's your paycheck," Lena said in confusion.

"I know. I just think it's wrong," Sam explained. "I'm good at my job, don't get me wrong, but I don't think I'm worth _that_ much—"

"You do realize it's in your job description to manage these numbers, right?"

Kara watched from Lena's couch, tuning out their conversation. She found herself drawn to the way Lena moved, how expressive she was with her body while she talked. She was gesturing around the office when she caught Kara staring at her. Kara smiled at her but Lena didn't return it, looking back to Sam. Feeling hurt, Kara tried to focus on finishing her doughnut but she kept stealing glances at Lena.

"This is a moot point, Sam. I override you. That's your salary."

"Fine," Sam gave in. "I'll try again next month."

"Don't you dare." Lena turned to Kara and raised her eyebrows. "Are we ready for lunch?"

Kara nodded. "Sure," she said with a smile, but Lena could see there was something wrong in her expression.

"I'm going to run to the bathroom before we go," Sam excused herself and left the room.

"What's wrong?" Lena asked as soon as the door closed. "And don't say nothing, I can see it on your face."

"Nothing." Kara bit her lip. "It's stupid."

"If it's bothering you it's not stupid. Tell me." Lena raised an eyebrow.

"I don't know. You didn't smile at me and I thought maybe you changed your mind about the whole thing," Kara said quickly, waiting for Lena's response.

Lena laughed and Kara found herself smiling at the sound. "Kara, darling, of course I didn't change my mind. It's just that I'm at work and Sam was here, so I have to stay professional."

"You didn't before we...you know. You would always smile at me."

"And lot of people picked up on it," Lena pointed out. "But this is...I don't know how to say it."

"Try," Kara encouraged. She wanted to reach out and touch Lena but held herself back.

Lena sat down next to her and sighed. "All the other relationships I've had...I didn't care who knew. Partly because there was nothing to know. All I'm saying is, I need to make sure this relationship is real before someone else tries to decide for me. You run a media company. You know what I'm talking about."

Kara blushed at the word 'relationship'. "Is that what this is? Are we...dating?"

"Yes. What else would you call it?" Lena said with a chuckle.

"I don't know, I've never dated a girl before," Kara admitted.

Lena snorted. "It's like dating a man but you're both hot. It's better."

Kara smiled widely, raising her head. "You're the first girl I've ever kissed," she said shyly.

"Good," Lena said with a smirk. "You have powdered sugar on your nose." She took Kara's head in her hands and flicked her tongue lightly over Kara's skin. "Got it," she said, looking up at Kara.

Kara had stopped breathing but her entire body was alive with electricity at the sensation of Lena's tongue on her skin. She made a low noise deep in her throat and pushed the brunette against the back of the couch, trapping Lena's lips with her own. For a second she forgot they were in L-Corp, forgot they were in an office, but the noise of the door brought her back to reality. _Oh, Rao. I get carried away so easily._ She sat back quickly.

"So, the diner? I could go for a pasta salad or something but I'm not super hungry," Sam walked back in, looking at her phone.

Lena was catching her breath, taken aback by Kara's sudden aggression. "Sure," Kara said in a hoarse voice. "I mean," she cleared her throat, "Sounds good. We already had breakfast, just so you know." She stood up and pulled her coat on, hurrying out of the room.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Should someone tell her she still has your lipstick on her face?"

* * *

Lena walked through the cubicles at Cat Co. looking around for Kara. The last week had been a dream, one that she had been keeping a secret from the rest of the world. She and Kara had spent most of it getting closer. She thought she knew a lot about the blonde but the nights she and Kara spent drinking wine—well, she drank wine while Kara had water—and talking about their lives had really opened her eyes. She always took it for granted how happy Kara was all the time but she had more dark secrets than Lena could have guessed. They had talked at length about being adopted, feeling like they didn't belong until their siblings had welcomed them, and when Lena started talking about Lex, Kara's eyes filled up with tears.

 _"What's wrong?"_

 _Kara sniffled. "I can't imagine what it's like."_

 _"Having an insane murderer for a brother?" Lena scoffed, taking a sip of wine._

 _Kara shook her head. "To love him and have him betray you like that."_

 _Lena's throat closed with emotion. "I'm sorry to dump all this on you. I just can't talk to anyone else about him—about my family, without it being printed or taken the wrong way."_

 _"Hey, that's what I'm here for." Kara opened her arms. "Come on."_

 _Lena sat in Kara's lap, resting her head on her shoulder. She knew Kara could feel her crying but neither of them said anything and she fell asleep in her arms._

"Lena, hey!"

She turned, hoping it was Kara but already knowing it wasn't. "Alex, what are you doing here?"

Alex held out an envelope. "I wanted to formally invite you. To the wedding. There's a small get-together at my apartment tonight for the engagement, if you want to come."

Lena opened it up. "This is a post-it that says 'Sunday. Eleven a.m.'"

Alex nodded vigorously. "Yeah, can you make it?"

Lena slid the paper into the envelope and handed it back to Alex. "You know that's not a proper wedding invitation."

Alex knit her eyebrows. "What's wrong with it?"

"This is a joke, right?" Lena said incredulously.

"What, you don't like the way I do things?" Alex said defensively.

"You didn't even write down a place! Where am I supposed to go at eleven?! And Sunday? Which Sunday, this upcoming Sunday? Or two weeks from now? Or next month?" Lena said exasperated, but she was laughing. "You're just like Kara, you never think these things through."

Alex laughed with her. "Okay, so maybe I got excited and hurried to tell you."

"What does Maggie think of your invitation?"

"Maggie's the one who wrote that and you're the second person we've told."

"Second? That's sweet," Lena said sincerely, surprised she was that high up on Alex's list.

"I had to tell Kara first," Alex said quickly, thinking Lena felt left out. "But you're the next person I've told. The only other person I've told. And Kara didn't even notice that we didn't put a place, so there."

"Speaking of, have you seen Kara?" Lena said worriedly. She had texted Kara about the upcoming Cat Co. issue and Kara had answered her once then nothing. Lena didn't take it personally, she assumed Kara had some Supergirl crisis to attend to, but it didn't make her worry any less.

"Kara is—"

"Right here!" The reporter popped up behind Alex. "I brought coffee. Black, just how you like it." She held up the steaming cups and smiled at Lena.

"I don't like my coffee black," Alex said.

"It's not for you, dingus." Kara pushed past her sister and handed Lena a coffee, careful not to get too close. "I didn't know you were going to be here," she said, turning back to Alex. "I thought you'd be at work."

Alex had been sleeping at the DEO most nights trying to track down Jeremiah. The last sign of him was a message a few days ago sent to Lena, and all it said was 'Join us.' Since then, Supergirl had been spending a lot more time chasing down criminals and Kara had been spending a lot more time watching Lena—in short, the younger Danvers barely got any sleep.

"I came by to tell Lena about the wedding."

"She judged your invitation, didn't she," Kara said with a knowing look at Lena.

"Shut up or I'll take your coffee," Alex threatened.

Kara gasped. "You wouldn't. I need it to survive. Like food. Or water."

"Or sunlight," Lena said casually.

Kara almost choked on her coffee. Lena had been making remarks like that for a while now and each time she was as unprepared as the last.

"You should ask Lena to go to the wedding with you," Alex slapped her sister on the back as she coughed. It didn't help because Lena winked at her when Alex wasn't looking and Kara started coughing harder. "Just a suggestion, jeez," Alex muttered as Kara caught her breath.

"Great idea! Kara, ask me to go to your sister's wedding with you," Lena said with a smirk. She always found it hilarious how when they were alone Kara never hid her feelings, but in public, especially in front of her sister, she lost any social graces she had the second things got awkward.

"Maybe, I actually—I have to get to work," Kara stammered.

Alex looked around. "You're already at work. You just got here."

Kara tore her eyes away from Lena's and looked around desperately for a distraction. "Article. I have an article I need to write. About—you! And it's _way_ overdue so I have to—we gotta go." She grabbed Lena's arm and pulled her away, leaving Alex behind.

"Kara, what is going on?" Lena asked as the office doors closed.

"We have to tell my sister. I can't lie to her, it's Alex," Kara pleaded.

"You lied to me for months," Lena said unexpectedly.

Kara's eyes widened for a moment then her face went blank. "I don't know what you mean." She crossed her arms.

 _Every part of your body language says you do._ "You lied by saying you didn't like me," Lena covered her mistake quickly, a sad feeling sinking to her stomach. _I have to tell her what I know._

Kara relaxed. "I didn't know what I was feeling. Where I come from, it's completely accepted, I just wasn't expecting—"

"To have feelings for a woman?" Lena finished primly. "You and me both, darling."

"Can we please, please tell people?" Kara begged. "At least Alex, because Sam already knows. And I hate this feeling of being hidden away like some dirty little secret. I hate that this feels like something we can't show the world."

Lena bit her lip. "We're both public figures. I'm the CEO of a billion-dollar company and you're the—you're a well-known reporter."

"Lee, that's flattering but I'm definitely not as well-known as you might think," Kara said with a smile.

Lena eyed her up and down and made a decision. "Well, do you want to be?"

"If you'd let me interview you, maybe I could be. And I mean a real interview about you, not about your opinion on aliens. I want the woman that we all want to know more about."

"Yes or no, Kara."

Kara threw her hands up. "Fine. Yes. But I want to—"

Lena kissed her, stopping her mid-sentence. Kara felt her body heat up and melt under Lena's lips and she pulled her closer. There was something about kissing her in public where people could finally see them that soothed her heartsickness, her feeling hidden, unseen.

The paused and took a breath and Lena laughed against Kara's mouth.

"What's so funny?" Kara breathed, smiling.

"Your sister looks like she wants to kill me," Lena said with another chuckle. "I forgot how overprotective she is."

"Your hand on my butt probably isn't helping," Kara said but she leaned in for another kiss. All the other employees had stopped to stare but as Lena looked out they turned quickly to avoid her piercing gaze. "Let's go talk to her before she has an aneurysm." Kara took Lena's hand and wound their fingers together, going to stand in front of Alex.

Alex stared pointedly at their hands then met Lena's gaze. "If you ever hurt her, you'll wish you were never born," she said in a frigid tone. "And don't think I'll take it easy on you. Kara is my sister and I would die for her if she asked—"

"—Asked you to spread the word about your wedding!" Kara cut in, trying to dial down the situation. "I mean, what kind of monster would miss that event? Haha."

Alex glared at Kara. "How about you give me a moment to speak with Lena? Alone."

Kara's eyes flitted between the two women. Lena's expression was unreadable and Alex's jaw was set. "Is that what you want?" she whispered to Lena.

Lena pulled her hand away from Kara's. "I've handled worse."

Biting her lip, Kara conceded. "I'll get started on—something."

"Supergirl?" Winn's voice spoke in her ear over the comms. "There's a forest fire in Argentina that local firemen can't handle. Can you head over there?"

"Yes!" Kara said aloud, nodding at Alex. "I am ready to work!" She turned to Lena. "I have to go get—I'll be right back." She gave her a shy kiss on the cheek, glancing at Alex.

"Where's the fire?" Lena said dryly. Kara did a double take but ran off without another word.

"At least she left her coffee," Alex shrugged and took a sip. She made a face. "Pumpkin spice. I can never decide if I like this stuff."

"You do. Come on, it's in my office."

Alex followed Lena, sipping the coffee. "I ask you to hide my engagement ring in a safe place and you leave it in your office?"

"What's wrong with Cat Co.?" Lena muttered, rifling through her desk drawers. She found the bottle and shook it. "There you are."

Hearing the rattling, Alex put her coffee down. "Something you want to tell me, Luthor?"

Lena tossed the pill bottle to her and Alex caught it with a trained hand. "No. I hid the ring in an empty bottle."

"I still don't know why you thought it was safe to hide it here." Alex sighed in relief as she opened the bottle. Inside was her mother's engagement ring; she was wearing the wedding band on her own finger.

 _"I can't take this from you. It's—it's too important. And dad..."_

 _"Alex, you and I both know your father is a very different man. He's not coming back, honey. So I want some good to come of what's left of him." Eliza dropped the engagement ring in Alex's hand._

 _"What about Kara?"_

 _"What about Kara? What about you, Alex? All the things you gave up, all the things you had to share. I know it was hard for you, what your dad and I asked you to do, but you did a wonderful job, and at an age when most girls can't even be nice to themselves." Eliza kissed her daughter's forehead._

 _"I wouldn't change any of it. I love Kara—"_

 _"I know you do, sweetie. Consider it a gift. Just for you." Eliza slid the wedding band off her finger and held it up. "Your father gave me this. Use it as an engagement ring, then get new ones for you and Maggie. Rings without any history."_

 _Alex held back a sob as she put the ring on. "Thanks, mom."_

 _"I love you, Alex. I'm so proud of you."_

"There's almost no safer place. I'm surprised you didn't just give it to Kara to hold on to, though." Lena walked around to her desk. "You said it's your mother's? Wouldn't Kara be the best person for—"

"No. It's, um, a personal thing." _It's the only thing from my mother that I get all to myself_ , Alex thought selfishly. "I'm still convinced you're crazy to think it's safe here. This office in particular has been the target of several attacks," Alex said matter-of-factly.

"That has more to do with the woman in the office than the architecture, I'm sure," Lena smiled. "Don't worry. I knew no one would have the chance to take it, not with Supergirl working here."

Alex's eyes flicked up and she stared at Lena. "You—finally!"

Lena sniffed. "What do you mean, finally?"

"Sometimes I'd think you were the super-genius of our generation, then Kara would walk in with her glasses on and you'd ask if she'd seen Supergirl flying by," Alex snorted, shoving the bottle with the ring into her pocket.

"Don't be mean. Sometimes people are willfully ignorant," Lena defended herself.

"Sure, or blind."

"Willfully blind. Do you know what it's like to love someone with a secret that big?" Alex cleared her throat and Lena folded her hands together. "What am I saying. Of course you do."

"That's the first time I've heard you say you love her," Alex raised an eyebrow. "You better watch your words, Luthor."

Lena held the agents gaze. "I'm getting there," she clarified. "It's just hard when she lied for so long—"

"She lied to protect you!" Alex said in a loud voice, then looked around self-consciously.

Lena pointed a finger at her. "And that's the problem. You think she could've heard you, because she hears _everything_. It's a surprisingly vulnerable feeling, like no thought is your own. It reminds me of my family. She hears when I wake up, when I fall asleep, when I'm eating or when my breathing changes—"

"I'm gonna stop you right there," Alex interrupted Lena with an angry look. "I may have asked you to hide my ring but don't think I'll stand by while you talk bad about my sister. You think she's listening right now? She's not. She's putting a fire out in South America, she's busy saving lives. You think she's listening when it's just the two of you sitting together late at night? Of course she is, dumbass. My sister is hopelessly in love with you. She can't help but listen to you, especially when you're the only other person in the room and she's _obsessed_ with you." She pushed her hair out of her eyes and blew out a breath.

Lena backpedaled. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. I'm a Luthor, half my life is full of lies—"

"So is Kara's! She's lying to help _you_ , if you'd get over yourself and let her. If everyone knew Supergirl was in love with Lena Luthor, you'd be dead within the week!"

"That could happen anyway."

"We get it, people want you dead. But it's mostly _people_. Try fending off an alien assassin every other day, you're going to slip up and Kara's busy enough as it is. Fine, she lied to you. You're not the only one. The fact that she's willing to let me watch you two suck face means she _does_ trust you." Alex crossed her arms and continued. "There's a reason it's called a _secret identity_ ," she said in frustration.

"I don't think I'm making myself clear. I trust Kara with my life. I trust Supergirl with my life. I...have feelings for Kara," Lena hesitated, "Supergirl..."

"You're not in love with Supergirl," Alex finished for her, rubbing her eyes. "I know how you feel," she said sympathetically. "I felt similarly growing up, but it was the other way around for me."

Lena knit her eyebrows. "The other way?"

Alex sat down, pouring herself a glass of water. The weight of the glass reminded her of the nights she spent drinking in college and she sighed. "When I was younger, I was amazed by Supergirl. I mean, she could shoot lasers out of her eyes, she could pick up two-ton trucks when she was twelve, she could fly! And I _hated_ Kara."

"Really?" Lena said curiously. "I never would have guessed."

Alex nodded. "I was so jealous of her, of this alien girl that had seemingly fallen to Earth only to steal my life away from me. My child-like adoration of her superpowers didn't extend to my sister. Now, it's my biggest regret. The only thing I would change about my life is that I was so mean to Kara when she first got here. She was scared, and alone, and her whole world had just died and I—" Alex stopped herself before her voice broke, taking a sip of water. "She had a cat, you know. A stray. She named him Streaky, or something equally dumb. But he made her feel safe. Like she could love something and not hurt them, like she had control."

"I'm afraid she'll hurt me," Lena admitted. "That she'll break my heart, that if I open myself up to her something will go wrong. Because she lied, because she still hasn't told me herself."

"Did you tell her you know?" Alex asked.

Lena shook her head. "I've been waiting for the right time."

"So is my sister, which means neither of you are going to say anything," Alex rolled her eyes. "I say rip the band-aid off. She knows you have a genius, MENSA-level IQ—"

"I'm already a member."

"—So I doubt it'll come as a shock."

Lena looked at her feet. "You know, I used to think that my family were the most deceptive people alive. I'm starting to see that you all are a close second."

Alex patted Lena's shoulder. "Don't worry, you'll fit right in."

The corner of Lena's mouth turned up. "That's a shitty silver lining."

"That's a shitty place to hide a ring," Alex nodded to her desk. "Anyways, gotta go please the Missus. I'll see you at the party tonight?"

"Sure. Alex, why did you ask me to hide it for you?" Lena asked, stopping Alex on her way out.

Alex sighed. "I'm trying to call a truce. My sister likes you, so I'm stuck with you. It's not because of your big brain," she smirked, leaving with a swagger.

 _My sister likes you._

 _My sister is hopelessly in love with you._

Lena turned to look out the window over the city, unable to stop the smile breaking across her face.

* * *

"I can't wait for you to get home and see your present. Call me when you're off work. Love you." Alex hung up the phone and sat at her counter nervously. _Why are you nervous? She already said yes._ She poured herself half a glass of orange juice and downed it in one gulp. _What the hell, Alex. You don't drink orange juice like it's bourbon._

Her phone rang and she answered it without looking, staring at the decorations in her apartment. "Maggie, hey! When are you getting here?"

"Alex, your dad is heading for National City."

"Winn?" Alex stood up, bracing her hand against the counter. "What are you saying? Slow down."

"Jeremiah. He's back on the West Coast, I think he's trying to find Lena."

The door opened and closed and Alex whipped around, her hand resting on her gun. "No, he's not."

"How do you know that?" Winn asked, typing frantically. "The kryptonite signal disappeared a minute ago but I'm sure he's coming to get her for Cadmus."

"He's in my kitchen. I'll call you later."

"Wait! Alex—" She hung up and put the phone down on the counter behind her.

"Hello, Alexandra."

"Dad?" Her voice sounded child-like in her ears. "What have they done to you?"

"You have to trust me." His robotic voice tore at Alex's heart.

"How can I trust you? You attacked my sister," Alex said with a heavy heart. "You're different. Wrong."

"The man who raised you spent too much time helping that alien scum and ignoring his own flesh and blood."

Alex's eyes snapped up. "My sister isn't _scum_." She unholstered her gun and it glowed as she aimed it.

"You couldn't shoot me before, what makes you think you could do it now?"

Thinking of Maggie, Alex aimed for where her father's heart should have been. "I've changed. Trust me." She pulled the trigger and Jeremiah threw his arm up; the shot ricocheted off his arm and pushed him back; he collided with her TV.

"We've got company," he snarled, and his suit glowed green as he activated the kryptonite. "Stole this suit from Lillian Luthor." Alex ducked as Jeremiah lifted his arm and fired a shot at her.

Supergirl crashed through the windows, tackling Jeremiah before he could take another shot. He regained his bearings and shoved her off, sending her crashing into Alex's couch. Alex took the opportunity to get off another two shots and Jeremiah dodged them both.

"Why are you here?" Supergirl asked as she stood up, readying herself for another attack.

"If Lena Luthor won't come to us willingly, we'll make her."

Kara's eyes glowed but she couldn't use her heat vision in such a small space. "That won't work this time," she growled through the pain. She needed to get Jeremiah out of Alex's apartment but the longer she stood near his suit, the weaker she was getting. She could already feel it affecting her and she glanced around for Alex. Meeting her eyes, she looked up at the ceiling and after her sister nodded she flew straight at Jeremiah. They shot right out the window she'd smashed minutes earlier and Alex ran for the door.

"Lena!" She stopped short at the sight of her CEO. "Shit. What're you doing here?"

"You told me to come over for the engagement party?" Lena's hand was raised; she had been banging on the door for a while and panicking at the violent noises coming from the other side.

"No time. Stay here." Alex pushed past her, checking the chamber of her gun.

"Where are you going?" Lena called out, already reaching into her purse for her own gun.

"Stay here!" Alex yelled again, climbing the stairs.

"Like hell I will," Lena muttered. Dropping her purse by the door, she kicked off her heels and ran after Alex. "These clothes weren't made for this," she muttered as she scaled the stairs. " _Especially_ not this fucking bra." She saw Alex disappear through a door marked 'ROOF' and hurried after her, catching the door before it closed.

Alex was in a stand-off with Jeremiah, who had Supergirl in a choke hold with his metal arm. Lena's stomach clenched seeing the green kryptonite running through Supergirl's skin but she brought her gun up, exhaling as she aimed. Supergirl—Kara—was trying to get away from Jeremiah but the kryptonite in his suit was doing its job. Tendrils of green snaked their way under her skin directly from Jeremiah's hand and radiated out, and she was letting out pained noises that made Lena more and more angry as they went on.

"Shoot me, Alex. Shoot me and I go over the edge with her, and she isn't too invincible right now," Jeremiah spat.

"Why did you come to my apartment, if you're here for Lena?" Alex yelled over the wind.

"Lena is here, is she not?" He growled, his eyes glowing green.

"You couldn't have known she would be." The gun shook in her hands and Alex took a step forward. "I know you're in there, dad." There were tears in her eyes but she blamed them on the biting winds.

Jeremiah's neck strained as he snapped his teeth together. "Your daddy's dead. Cadmus has taken over."

"If he's gone, then he wouldn't have come here. He would've gone to Lena's house."

Jeremiah flinched at her words, breathing heavily. There was a moment when he hesitated and Alex saw his eyes flicker, then something distracted him and he ground his jaw. "Someone's here to play," he said evilly, his head tilting. "I'll go greet them."

"No!" Alex and Kara yelled in unison. Alex fired into Jeremiah's shoulder and the bullet struck metal. He jumped back, dragging Kara with him, and disappeared over the edge of the roof.

"Dad!" Alex scrambled for the edge. She peered over and saw Jeremiah sliding down the side of the building, using his free hand to dig into the stone. The skin had come off of it and she could see the metal skeleton underneath; pieces of brick and mortar rained down on the street and she watched him slip back into her apartment, Kara in tow. "God dammit," she growled. Pulling a cable off her belt, she didn't hesitate to fasten it to a pole on the roof, rappelling down the side of the building. She swung into her apartment and let the cable go, her boots crunching on the glass. "Winn!"

Lena made sure the safety was on then shoved her gun into the waistband of her skirt. Grabbing the rope, she refused to look down until she was at the level of Alex's apartment and when she looked in, she cursed. She hadn't counted on the broken glass and she didn't have her shoes on. She could see Alex with her gun at her side and her father still holding onto Supergirl, and behind him Winn was lying on the floor, his eyes closed. She met Kara's eyes and the blonde shook her head, her eyes widening, but Lena had already thrown herself forward. She hit the ground on all fours, glass cutting into her arms and knees, and she winced.

"Lena, get back!" Kara choked out, seeing the blood dripping down her arms as she stood up.

"Let her go," Lena said in a cold voice, aiming her gun at Jeremiah.

"Come with me and this will all be over," he snarled.

"Dad, you have to fight it," Alex trained her gun on him, too afraid to shoot. "I know you can hear me. It's me, it's Alex."

Lena's heart twinged when Alex spoke; her voice reminded her of Lena as a child, begging her mother for attention. She also recognized the situation for what it was, and cocked her gun. The noise drew Alex's attention and she turned, standing between Lena and her father. "Lena, wait."

"Let go of Supergirl," Lena said in a clear voice. "I don't want to hurt you, but I will."

"What a cliché thing to say," Jeremiah smirked. "You won't be able to hit me without Supergirl getting in the way, and she's not looking particularly bulletproof at the moment."

"Lena, don't do anything stupid," Alex warned, holding a hand up.

Jeremiah seemed amused by their conversation. Snapping his teeth together again, he pulled out a gun. "Alright. I'm done playing nice. Lena, it's time to go."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Lena hissed. She could hear her own blood dripping onto the floor and her forearm stung from landing in the glass but her arm was steady.

Jeremiah tilted his head. "Then Supergirl isn't going anywhere with you," his mouth twisted into a smile and he pointed the gun at Kara's head. "Kryptonite bullets. I heard she healed last time—but even the Girl of Steel might find it hard, recovering from having her brains blown out."

Alex did a one-eighty and faced her father, her gun coming up. "Don't even think about it."

Jeremiah winked, then aimed at Lena. Before she could blink he fired a shot and her gun clattered to the floor as she shook out her hand. "Do you really think you're faster than I am?" He pointed his gun at Alex.

Seeing Winn start to move, Alex's survival instincts took over. _Keep him talking._ "Why would Cadmus want Lena to lead them? She's betrayed you before, A last name isn't enough to make or break a person."

"If the last name was anything but Luthor, you'd be right."

"Bullshit. You didn't come here for Lena," Alex realized. "You came here for Supergirl. You came her for me, knowing Supergirl wouldn't be far behind."

The grin that split across his face unnerved Alex and she met Kara's eyes. Her sister had been quiet but slowly turning Jeremiah; they had all circled each other like wolves and now his back was to the window. He held his hands up, letting Kara fall to her knees. "Ding ding ding, we have a winner! Guilty as charged, Alex Danvers."

Kara blinked spots out of her eyes. The kryptonite was still sucking the strength out of her, making her vision blur. Seeing Lena's blood made her bite the inside of her cheek; she had to focus or someone would get hurt. She tried to stand but Jeremiah saw her and rolled his eyes. "Stay down, would you?" He sighed and shot her through the leg.

Kara let out a howl, falling over. A second scream built up and trapped itself in her throat; she clutched her leg and tried to prop herself up and she could feel her eyes glowing, losing control over her powers.

She thought she heard someone shout "Kara!" and Alex unfroze, shooting at Jeremiah without restraint. Staring down the barrel of her gun, something crossed her line of sight and she got off another few shots before she saw what—who—it was. "Winn!"

Her friend had run directly into her line of fire but instead of ducking, he headed straight for Jeremiah, holding something tightly in his hand. He hit a button on his watch and Lena and Alex looked on in horror as a field of red kryptonite wrapped around Winn and Jeremiah. The green suit flickered then died and Winn's momentum carried them through the window.

"Winn!" Kara screamed, losing control. Her heat vision shot out of her eyes, disintegrating Alex's microwave and sending a lamp crashing to the ground before she forced her eyes shut.

"Lena, help her!" Alex yelled, already running for the window.

Lena bent over Supergirl, afraid to touch her. "You're going to be fine," she said in a shaky voice, pressing her hands over the bullet wound.

Kara was breathing heavily through gritted teeth, her eyes still shut. "Go help Winn," she ground out, curling into a ball. She slammed her head down and it cracked the wood flooring. She could already hear the sirens nearing the building and she let out a pained gasp. _I hope J'onn gets here before the police do._

Lena pulled her hand away at the violent motion and froze, the sight of Supergirl lying in a pool of blood all too familiar. Before she could process it, she found herself drowning in memories of blood and pain; she thought she saw her mother standing over them but when she blinked the vision disappeared. Her breathing came faster and faster and she jerked her head from side to side, hearing her mother's voice in her ears.

 _"Lena."_

 _"Join us. You know it's what you really want."_

 _"You're a Luthor. Everywhere you go, someone winds up dead."_

 _"My daughter."_

 _"Lena."_

A hand on her shoulder startled her out of her trance and she twisted around to see who it was.

"Lena, it's me. J'onn J'onzz. We need to get you two out of here," he said in a stern voice.

Lena peered up at him, dazed. "Where..."

"We'll take you both back to the DEO. Supergirl will be fine, and Agent Danvers is on the ground with Agent Schott. He's...We should get going." J'onn clenched his jaw and helped her up. Kara had pulled herself into a sitting position but she hadn't opened her eyes, afraid of what would happen. Three agents came over and lifted her onto a stretcher but she put a hand out, stopping them.

"Is everyone alright?" She was breathing through the pain and Lena saw that the bullet had gone straight through her leg.

J'onn paused, holding Lena up. "We have Jeremiah, thanks to you, and hopefully everyone will recover."

"Where's Lena, she was bleeding—"

"Calm down, Supergirl. You need to think about yourself right now. You've been shot."

"Where's Lena?"

"I'm right here," Lena spoke up in a quiet voice.

Instead of relaxing, Kara sat up, much to the annoyance of the agents trying to carry her out. "Winn, what happened to Winn?"

J'onn swallowed, turning away even though Kara couldn't see him. "I—Hopefully everyone will recover," he repeated in a tired voice, but Lena knew he was lying.


	31. 31) Love and Turmoil

Kara woke up with a start. "Lena!"

Her sister pushed her back down onto the hospital bed. "You're at the DEO. Lena's fine, she's right here." Alex leaned back so Kara could see the sleeping woman. "She has a few cuts because she decided to land in broken glass, but she'll be fine."

"Why did she follow you? Why didn't you make sure she was safe?"

Alex stared at her like she was a stranger. "She can handle herself."

"You mean you were too caught up with Jeremiah."

"Hey! I shot at him, don't give me that bullshit."

"You _shot_ Winn! You—"

"It was to get to dad! I didn't know he was going to _run in front of my gun!_ "

"You should've stopped firing! You should've been paying attention, you should've—"

"I should've killed dad?!" The veins in Alex's neck were throbbing and Kara backed off.

"Pointing fingers won't get us anywhere," she said in a quiet voice. "You know he's not dad anymore, Alex. Not really," she said gently.

"We'll see about that," Alex said defiantly. She fiddled with her watch. "I'm getting tired of digging bullets out of you," she said softly.

Kara squeezed her hand tight. "Better me than you," she said sincerely.

Alex glanced up, sighing. "Not for me. You know that. By the way, your scars are gone." She pulled Kara's collar down.

Kara's eyes widened. "How is that possible?" She sat up, running a hand over where the scar used to be. She had gotten used to it, gotten used to waking up at night with it itching, the skin pulling, the occasional pains that shot through it.

Alex bit her lip. It had been Lena who had watched her with eagle eyes as she pulled the bullet out of Kara's leg, and Lena who had suggested going back in under her scars. She explained that her mother made the kryptonite bullets with half lead and the lead must have broken off on impact. They were meant to bury into Kryptonian flesh after the kryptonite made them vulnerable. The lead had stayed under Kara's skin and no one had thought to cut her open again, chalking the scars up to an anomaly.

"I don't know." Alex wouldn't meet Kara's eyes. Thankfully, Lena chose that moment to wake up.

"Alex?"

"Hey. You're okay. You're at the DEO, do you remember what happened?"

Lena nodded slowly, sitting up. "Where's Kara?" She winced, feeling where the glass cut her skin.

"Kara is on her way," Alex said as Kara made a face at her.

Lena nodded again, pulling the blanket back. "Where's Winn?" She stared at Kara in her Supergirl suit. _How funny is it that she's the only one who doesn't know_ , she thought, glancing at Alex.

Maggie walked in. "Winn still hasn't woken up," she said, upset, answering Lena's question. "Jeremiah's awake though," she said quietly. As expected, Alex got up and hurried out. "Lena," Maggie took Alex's seat, "Supergirl."

"Detective Sawyer," Kara nodded at her and got out of bed. "I should go with Alex to see Jeremiah."

"This is all my fault." Lena sat up and put her face in her hands.

"Don't say that. You couldn't have known this would happen," Maggie said in a sad voice.

"He only sacrificed himself because of me, because of what I did," Lena insisted.

Kara glared at her. "Sacrifice is synonymous with death. How about you use a different word."

Lena looked at her, a guilty expression on her face. "That red shield? It wasn't done. After Jeremiah broke into my house, I started working on something to counter the green kryptonite in his suit. A version of red kryptonite, synthesized and altered by me. I asked Winn to check my prototype, see if he could find anything wrong with it." Kara's expression had gone from upset to disbelieving and Lena swallowed, continuing. "It wasn't finished. It was a prototype. But he was bringing it to me at the party. He..." Her voice died in her throat as Supergirl stood over her bed, a furious glint in her eye. Maggie backed towards the door, slipping out as the women started to argue. Alex had told her about the whole Lena-Kara-Supergirl situation and she didn't want to get caught in the middle of it.

"You know, when my superiors traced kryptonite to your house, I convinced them it was nothing. That you were innocent. We didn't suspect you of anything, we left you alone. But _this?_ " She shook her head. "How could you do something like this and not tell me?"

Lena crossed her arms. "I beg your pardon, but you aren't my boss." She had to remind herself that she wasn't talking to Kara and set her jaw. "You swoop in and out, you save me, and then you're gone."

"Do you have any idea what happens when I get near red kryptonite? I almost destroyed the city. You have to—"

"I'm not stupid. I told you I altered it. It didn't affect you at all, did it?"

"No," Kara admitted begrudgingly. Lena didn't seem to realize what she had done. "But—"

"Are you saying you don't trust me?" Lena asked defiantly, "Because I think I've proven myself by now."

"I'm not saying—I do trust you, Lena."

"Then act like it!" Lena stood up and walked towards Kara. _You're not so mysterious now that I know who you are._ She glared at the 'S' on Kara's chest. "Act like you trust me, or I'm done." She could see the hurt on Kara's face but she stood her ground. _You look like her, but you're not her. You're not my Kara._

"Done with what?"

"You know the saying, 'the straw that broke the camel's back'?"

Kara stamped down her frustration. "What about it?"

"This is it." Lena's stare bored into her and Kara mentally kicked herself for starting the conversation with accusing Lena. "This is the final straw for me. I have done nothing but help this city and the people that live here, and yet here you are, telling me I've done something wrong. Acting like your trust is some sort of reward for me, like I'm a dog chasing after a bone. Treating me like I'm no better than the rest of my family," Lena said bitterly. "What do you expect me to have done?" she pressed, looking out the window.

Kara stared to speak then closed her mouth and swallowed. Without thinking, she had done exactly that. The idea of red kryptonite in Lena's hands made her uneasy but not because she was a Luthor. "The issue isn't your last name," she said slowly. "I think you go to quickly to that idea. The issue is that you had possession of a dangerous weapon and didn't alert the DEO. This is bigger than you or me."

Lena scoffed. "And why should I tell the DEO? I made this, are you going to pay me for my intellectual property?'

"What you _made_ is a weapon. It's not an original idea, it's something from my planet that you couldn't get your hands on so you found a loophole and created your own!" Kara exploded, her rage coming back.

"I made it so Kryptonians would be invulnerable to it and that _is_ an original idea! Things aren't always black and white, Supergirl. Things change. People change. Nothing is set in stone, except, perhaps, your opinion of me." Lena squared her shoulders.

"That's not true and you know it," Kara pointed a finger at Lena. "I have made it clear to the people I work with that you are on our side."

"You wouldn't have to do that if my last name was Smith."

Kara hesitated, then steamrolled on. "The people I work with, they didn't trust you. J'onn J'onzz, Alex Danvers. Even—even Winn." Kara's face crumpled and she started to cry, her anger giving way to the emotions she was trying to hide.

Lena's defiant stance evaporated and she hurried to comfort her. _Oh, Kara._ "I know it's hard, Supergirl, but you have to have faith. Everything will be alright."

Kara took a deep breath, feeling the weight of her cape on her back. "I'm fine. I just need to..." She walked out of the room without finishing her sentence.

Lena started a mental countdown. _Five, four, three, two..._

Right on cue, Kara came through the doors. "Lena! Are you alright? I just heard—"

"I'm okay, just a few scratches." Lena held her arms out, her heart heavy. _She's lying to protect you. What kind of relationship is this? The weight of the world on her shoulders, all because she's afraid of losing...me._ She closed her eyes and hugged Kara tightly, sucking in a breath at the stinging cuts.

Kara felt her tense up and stepped back. "Alex said you fell on broken glass. You have to be more careful!"

"Jumped, more like," Lena said with half a smile. She felt at ease with Kara and sad that she couldn't act the same with Supergirl. "It was either that or hang outside her window until Supergirl saved me, and she seemed a little preoccupied."

"She wasn't. I'm sure she was watching you—I mean—are you sure you're okay? Are you still bleeding? Do you need anything or a doctor or—"

"Kara, take a deep breath." Lena kissed her lightly. "Come on. We should go see Winn."

Kara sniffled. "There's nothing to see. He hasn't woken up."

"That doesn't sound like you," Lena frowned, "You don't want to sit with him?"

Kara closed her eyes. "I can't sit by him knowing I failed to protect him," she said, forgetting herself momentarily.

Wiping the tears off Kara's cheeks, Lena hugged her again. "It wasn't your fault. I'm the one who failed. The shield wasn't ready, I never should have—"

Kara looked at her, horrified, and Lena froze. If Kara decided to crucify her for having red kryptonite on top of Supergirl's angry rant, she didn't know if she could handle it.

"This is _not your fault._ It's Jeremiah's," she said adamantly, and Lena let out a relieved sigh. "It's Jeremiah's fault that Winn won't wake up, it's Jeremiah's fault that Alex and I have been butting heads lately." Kara kicked the chair her sister had been sitting in and it slid across the floor, crashing into the far wall. "It is _his fault_ that you got hurt."

Lena watched her, concern growing on her face. She had seen a lot of Kara lately, but she'd never seen her like this—angry, bitter, volatile. She wondered how she hadn't seen it earlier; the fierce morality and set-in-stone principles, the desire above all else to protect her friends—Kara and Supergirl weren't separate people at all. "Why don't we go see him," Lena said in a calming voice. Kara was pacing back and forth and for a second Lena thought she saw her eyes glowing, then Kara turned and her eyes were their normal blue, glistening with tears. She walked over to Kara and rubbed her shoulders.

After a minute Kara relaxed and let Lena take her hand, pulling her to the door. "Your arms—do they hurt?"

Lena shook her head. "They only sting a little," she lied.

"I know you're lying." Kara narrowed her eyes.

 _Ah, damn._ "Okay, they sting a lot. But I'll be fine," Lena assured her. She kept walking to the door but Kara planted her feet. _That's cheating_. "Babe, come on," Lena whined, tugging uselessly on Kara's arm.

"Not until I know you aren't hurt. Why didn't Alex give you anything for the pain—oh," Kara caught herself. "Right. No drugs."

Lena cleared her throat, ignoring the comment. "Can we do it later?"

"Why? Winn isn't going anywhere," Kara said bitterly. Her jaw was clenched but more tears were threatening to spill over.

Sensing that arguing wasn't going to get her any further, Lena walked back over to the bed and sat down. She held her arms out wordlessly and Kara unwrapped the bandages, wincing every time Lena did. "Are we okay?" Lena said, looking up at her.

Kara met her gaze and bit her lip. "You've been having nightmares," she changed the subject.

Lena looked away. "I guess I haven't been sleeping too well."

"I know. I can feel you next to me in bed." Lena and Kara had been spending nights together, bouncing between Lena's house and Kara's apartment. They were taking it slow; neither of them knew what they were doing and sleeping next to Lena was all Kara really needed. The blonde woman's apartment had a more homely feel than Lena's house and it was closer to where they both worked, so they spent most nights there. "Sometimes you wake me up and I try to hold you, like I can keep you from breaking apart."

Lena's gaze turned sad. Kara occasionally said things like this that caught her off guard; sincere, heartfelt, simple statements that took her breath away. "I know. I can feel you next to me in bed."

Kara chuckled. "Hey, don't steal my lines. I just wish you'd wake me up all the other nights."

Lena shook her head. "You need your sleep."

"And you don't?" Kara countered. "What do you dream about?" she asked tentatively.

Lena took a deep breath. She hadn't spoken to Kara about what happened to her in that submarine; initially because she didn't want the reporter to look at her any differently, now because she knew Kara had seen at least some of it. She couldn't even remember the last few days clearly; the drugs and delusions had contributed to that. "Horrible things. My mother. Aliens attacking the city, again. I have nightmares about losing you, losing you because of something I did. That I didn't try hard enough to keep this alive."

Kara smiled. "You can't get rid of me that easily." She fastened the last bandage and frowned. "I don't know if anyone told you, but I saw...some of what happened."

Lena swallowed, feeling self-conscious. "I heard. Which part?" She shook her head. "Never mind, don't answer that. Some things are better left buried."

"Is that why you flinch whenever other people move too close to you? Or why you don't like confined spaces?"

Nodding, Lena stared at her hands. "I know I'm pathetic, can we just talk about something else?"

"You are not pathetic." Kara's heart ached when Lena wouldn't look up and she put a hand under Lena's chin, raising it gently. "You are not pathetic. You are the strongest woman I know. You have a heart of gold, and I...I love you."

There was a moment of silence where Kara heard Lena's breath catch. Realizing what she'd just said, Kara opened her mouth to say something else but Lena held up a finger. "Don't."

Kara closed her mouth.

Standing up, Lena wrapped her arms loosely around Kara's waist. "Emotions don't come easily for Luthors. They don't come easily for me," she clarified. Kara's eyes widened but Lena cut her off. "But I know I can say this with nothing holding me back."

Kara pushed her glasses up, waiting. "You're not saying anything."

"Shut up." Lena kissed her, feeling Kara give in under her lips. She waited for Kara to reach around and pull her hair down like she always did, enjoying the sensation. Leaning back, Lena watched Kara catch her breath. "I love you. I love every piece of you, even the parts of you that you don't love about yourself. I love how you're always happy to see me, I love how you hold me when I wake up screaming from nightmares, I love that you drop everything the second I ask if you're free. I love that my grocery bill is five times higher than it used to be, I love that my fridge is full of takeout containers, I love the way your nose wrinkles up when you drink wine. I love the way you bite my lip sometimes when we kiss, I love the way you look at me like I'm the sun and you need me to live, I love the way you make me feel whenever you walk into a room. I love—" She lost her sentence as Kara kissed her. She felt her hand go under her shirt and rest on the small of her back and moaned, her lips parting. Kara bit down, not trying to be gentle, and was rewarded with Lena's gasp of pleasure. She felt Lena's tongue glide across her lips and a shiver ran down her spine, her heart thudding in her chest. When she broke the kiss both their faces were flushed and Lena took a second to remember where she was.

"You know," Kara said breathlessly, "You should really try to not get kidnapped again. I didn't take it well."

"I wondered how that went for you," Lena smiled, straightening her shirt.

"Horribly. I turned into a bit of a bitch. Eve wasn't pleased."

"Then I better not go missing again. For Eve's sake," Lena said snarkily, wiping her lipstick off Kara's face. She held her hand and watched in amusement as Kara blushed. "You just made out with me but you can't hold my hand without blushing? That's cute."

Kara pouted. "My sister works here. She could walk in at any second."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "I hope she does walk in on us one of these days. Her brain would explode."

* * *

"What did you just say?"

The doctor looked at the clipboard in his hand then back up at Alex, sympathy in his eyes. "He's in an irreversible coma. He barely survived the fall, his spine is crushed at T5 and T6, and now his body is shutting down. He's already—"

Alex growled, the inhuman noise frightening the doctor into silence. Hearing someone behind her she turned to see Maggie coming down the hall. The look on her face said enough because Maggie's eyebrows knit and she frowned. "So how long are you saying we have?"

"He can stay on machines for—"

"I know that," Alex cut him off again. "Do you think I'm an idiot?"

The doctor shook his head. "No, I'm just trying to give you all the information. The fall was too much for him to handle. His organs are failing. Unless we can get him a new heart, right lung and liver, in a few days there won't be anything to save. And that's besides the fact that he's most likely paralyzed and may never wake up."

"And what are the chances of that?" Maggie asked, catching the end of his sentence.

"Optimistically? Less than ten percent."

"Do I look optimistic to you?" Alex snapped.

The doctor looked at the ground. "You should say your goodbyes."

"Alex."

The older Danvers' head snapped up. "Dad?"

"Don't argue with the doctor, honey."

Alex's throat closed up. The mess of metal and man lying on the bed next to her was a stranger, a monster that Lillian Luthor had created. But the voice that came out of his mouth was her father's. The robotic undertones were gone, the lack of emotion. "Dad, is it really you?'

"You should use me to save your friend."

Her eyes widened and Alex took a step back, bumping into Maggie. "No," she said instinctively. She wasn't going to be responsible for killing her own father.

"Alex," Jeremiah said in a chastising tone. "Be reasonable."

"I am," Alex said, getting over her shock. "You're my dad, I can't—"

"I'm not. I'm half the man I used to be, and let's face it honey, I was never good enough for you and your mom." Jeremiah coughed.

"Don't say that."

"You need your friends, Alex. You don't need me haunting you."

"And you think putting your organs into his body won't haunt me? If you die, I'll—"

"Look at me." Jeremiah gestured to his broken body. She could see his metal frame mixed with the Lexosuit and swallowed down her nausea.

"I know someone that could fix this," she said earnestly. The doctor was talking to Maggie in a low voice but she tuned them out. "Lena Luthor. She helped build this suit, she'll know what to do."

"And how will you get Winn what he needs? You're running out of time and I'm your only option."

Kara and Lena walked up. "Jeremiah," Kara said brusquely. She tightened her grip on Lena's hand when they made eye contact. Lena winced and she let go, shoving her hands in her pockets. _Stupid super strength._

"Kara. How are you sweetie?"

Kara glanced at her sister. "It's dad. He's back to normal," Alex explained.

"Not quite normal," Lena said, examining his torso. "You've been wearing the suit for so long, and then that fall—"

"I didn't fall," Jeremiah growled, his eyes glowing green.

Alex's expression fell and her hand went to her gun. "Dad," she said carefully, "Focus on my voice. You're safe."

His eyes dimmed and Jeremiah frowned. "I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Alex's hand dropped and she brushed the hair out of his face. "It's okay. You're safe, I've got you."

Kara had instinctively stepped between Jeremiah and Lena. "Are you kidding me?"

"What?" Her sister turned around.

"You can't seriously trust him, he tried to kill Lena!"

"And Lena's brother tried to kill your cousin, but you're still running around like teenagers in love," Alex narrowed her eyes.

"Those are completely different things, Alex." Kara set her shoulders. "You'll be held accountable for your crimes once you're back on your feet," she said to Jeremiah.

Alex pulled her sister aside. "Kara, you can't possibly expect him to—"

"What? Take responsibility for his murderous tendencies? He's a grown man. He's killed people. He would've killed you," Kara hissed.

"No, he wouldn't have," Alex defended her father. "I saw it in his eyes, before Winn—"

"Before Winn saved us? Before he threw his own body in front of your gun to take out the threat?" Kara countered.

"He was brainwashed, ask your girlfriend," Alex argued. "Lillian Luthor had some kind of control over him."

"He hunted Lena down after her mother died. Your theory is pretty weak, Alex."

Maggie and Lena were standing off to the side. The doctor had spoken to Lena and brought her up to speed, then left to give them privacy.

"That's a hard party to crash," Maggie said, nodding to the sisters.

"No kidding." Lena rubbed her eyes. "I always wanted that relationship with Lex. It started out like that, but..."

"It took a turn when your brother went on a murdering spree to try to kill Superman?"

Lena shot Maggie a side glance. "Took the words out of my mouth."

"Hmm. How's little Danvers?"

"Kara? She's good—great, actually." Lena smiled, remembering the kiss.

Maggie looked over to where Alex and Kara were still arguing and sidled closer to Lena. "I meant, how's constantly lying to each other?"

Lena pursed her lips. "Alex?"

"Alex," Maggie confirmed. "Must be hard. You two have a serious talk headed your way."

Lena blew out a breath. "I'm handling it."

"Are you?" Maggie raised an eyebrow. "I can barely handle my Danvers, and she's a human being."

"They are a lot," Lena smirked. "And it's a package deal."

"Hell yeah it is. Do you have any idea how hard it is to have sex with your girlfriend knowing her younger sister can hear you?" Maggie snorted. "Took some training but I got her to stop obsessively listening for Alex. At least after ten p.m."

"I wish she'd stop listening to me sometimes."

"No you don't," Maggie shook her head. "The day she stops listening is the day she stops caring."

"She said she loved me," Lena blurted out.

Maggie's jaw dropped and she squealed, getting Kara's attention. "That's so cute! What did you say?!"

"I said it back."

Maggie's eyes widened. "Lena Luthor, stone cold bitch, catching feelings? Someone slap me."

"I meant it," Lena sighed.

"Meant what?" Kara snuck up behind Lena and wrapped her arms around her waist. Lena smiled and leaned back, closing her eyes. Kara refused to look Alex in the eye, instead burying her face in Lena's neck.

"Gross. You broke Lena, she's gone all mushy," Maggie joked.

Alex grabbed her hand and pulled her away. "Training room. Now."

"Sure." Maggie nodded to Kara. "See you later." Alex dragged her away and Maggie made a face at the back of her head.

"Alex says we have to keep you alive," Kara said to Jeremiah the second they were out of earshot.

"Alex is a stubborn girl," Jeremiah answered.

"I don't want to keep you alive," Kara said coldly. "I'd rip out your organs myself to keep Winn breathing. But I don't like seeing Alex hurting. So instead, we'll take care of you until you can stand up in court, then we'll send you away. You'll disappear forever. Even Alex can't argue with a guilty verdict."

Lena felt a spike of fear. Kara, who had just admitted she loved her, who had just looked at her with so much happiness in her eyes, was looking at her long-lost father like he was something unsavory stuck on the bottom of her shoe.

"I want to help your friend," Jeremiah said earnestly.

Kara shook her head. "Nope. You don't get to clear your conscience. You can die alone in jail, knowing you did this."

"I won't be a prisoner again. Her mother kept me a prisoner for fifteen years," he spat at Lena, his eyes turning green. A second later they were back to normal but Kara didn't care.

"I trusted you the first time I saw you after all those years. I won't make that mistake again."

"Good. I raised you right," Jeremiah said sincerely. "I mean it Kara. I want to help Winn."

Kara leaned in until her face was inches from his. "You didn't teach me anything. You broke my sister's heart. You're dead to me." Her eyes were like chips of ice and she turned on her heel, leaving Lena standing awkwardly at his bed side.

"It's your job to keep me alive?" He spoke after Kara's footsteps faded.

Lena nodded. "It should be easy since you're more machine than man at this point."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Depends," Lena said, looking over his charts.

"If you built Winn a suit like this, would it keep him alive?"

Lena hesitated. "It could, but we don't even know if Winn will wake up. The suit would help with any paralysis or organ failure, but even my engineering can't bring someone out of a coma."

"I was afraid of that." Jeremiah sighed and his head hit the pillow. "Do you think they'll forgive me if I save him?"

"I think Alex has already forgiven you." Lena put the clipboard down and crossed her arms. "And I can't speak for Kara, but I won't try to sway her either way. I have a bias against bad parenting."

"The way my girls turned out, some would say it was good parenting," Jeremiah said lightly.

Lena was having none of it. "My mother was...well, you know how she was. And I turned out just fine, in spite of her. Nothing to do with her parenting."

Jeremiah shook his head. "If she had coddled you, you wouldn't be the cutthroat business woman you are today."

"I'd also have a quarter of the emotional trauma." Lena walked away before Jeremiah could get her riled up. How dare he take credit for the women Alex and Kara had become? She remembered every time Lillian had done the same thing and it left a bitter taste in her mouth. As she rounded the corner she could hear Alex and Maggie training; she caught up with Kara and reached for her shoulder.

Kara jumped, her head whipping around. "Sorry, I didn't hear you coming." Her face was still angry but Lena could see it was mostly due to sadness.

 _Didn't hear me, huh._ "I know what we should do."

"What's that?" Kara said hopefully, holding onto Lena like she was a lifeline.

"We should leave this off until tomorrow. Alex is sparring with Maggie, I don't even know where to begin with Jeremiah, and you need sleep."

Kara's eyebrows raised. "What happened to workaholic Lena? What happened to skipping meals and losing sleep to finish business deals?"

Lena kissed Kara's forehead. "I'm a changed woman."

"You must be," Kara said breathlessly.

Getting an idea, Lena pulled Kara closer. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything." Kara inhaled Lena hair, she hadn't put her it back up and it tickled her nose.

"My legs are tired from walking around in heels all the time," Lena said exaggeratedly, "And I'm just so sore." Her hand wound around Kara's waist. "And thankfully my girlfriend works out a lot."

Kara rolled her eyes. "If you trick me into carrying you everywhere, you're going to get fat."

"I won't get fat. I have to run away from assassins every other week."

"Not funny," Kara said but she was smiling. "Fine," she groaned. "Hop up."

Lena laughed with delight, an bright, delicious sound that made Kara forget that everything was crumbling around her. She jumped up, trusting Kara to catch her and when she settled into Kara's arms she leaned against her shoulder. "Let's go home."

* * *

They got back to Kara's apartment quickly and Kara set Lena down on the bed. Lena smiled up at her and Kara started to change, pulling her shirt off. She hadn't put her suit back on yet, so Lena had the benefit of watching her muscles move under her skin as she lifted the shirt over her head. "Who was the first girl you kissed?" Kara asked, tossing her shirt on the bed and grabbing an old tee.

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Just wondering," Kara said, not looking at her. The curiosity was eating away at her but she refused to show it.

"You sure you want to know?"

Kara hesitated then committed. "Yes."

Lying down, Lena stretched, ignoring the pulling on her bandages. "You remember when we had just met and you asked me for an address to a certain...alien fight club?"

Kara's mouth dropped open. "No way."

Lena nodded. "Veronica Sinclair."

"You made out with Roulette? I swear I'll—"

"Kara, darling, it doesn't matter. I never loved her, but I love you. Come here." Lena got under the covers and watched as Kara changed into pajama pants before slipping under the blanket behind Lena.

"I really do love you," she whispered in Lena's ear. She felt the brunette shiver and hugged her tighter. "You've been through so much and you could have let it make you hard and cynical, but you didn't. You're stronger than that. You are so intrinsically good and you always fight for what's right, and you never give up on your friends. You've done so much for me and for this city and you've always done the right thing even when people are ridiculing you and accusing you of having the wrong motivations. And I knew from the moment I met you that you were going to be someone important to me."

"You never said anything," Lena whispered.

"Because I was afraid. Afraid that you wouldn't like me, afraid that I wasn't smart enough or powerful enough or—I was afraid. And then I realized. After weeks of getting you coffee, of showing up early just so I could see you walk into work. Of taking the long way to the printer so I could walk by your office, rescheduling meetings so we could have brunch together. It wasn't just a crush. I was—I _am_ , in love with you."

Lena's breath whooshed out. She couldn't remember the last time anyone had shown her this kind of affection and she felt a tear drip down her cheek. It landed on Kara's hand and the blonde woman sat up, worried.

"Lena?"

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

"You're crying. What's wrong?" Kara said, concerned.

"You don't deserve this."

"Don't deserve what?" Kara said carefully.

"Me. You deserve so much more than this." Lena refused to turn around, more tears pooling in her eyes. "I'm not what you want. I'm a Luthor. And today when you said you loved me, the first thing I thought was 'why'. And you don't deserve that. You deserve someone who can love with without asking questions, who can give you a happier life than this. Being loved by me is a dangerous thing, Kara." Lena hid her face under the blankets. "I'm sorry," she mumbled into the blanket, knowing Kara would hear her.

"Where is this coming from?" Kara said, shocked. "I don't care what you think I deserve, I don't want anything else. I don't want anyone else." She chose her words carefully, knowing how fragile Lena's faith in herself was. "Being with you makes me feel like someone needs me. More than anything else, it makes me feel like someone appreciates me. Like someone gets me, all the little quirks I have as Kara Danvers. Earlier today, when you told me everything you love about me, I thought you must have gotten me mixed up with someone else. But you hadn't. You love me, and I love you, and there's no reason for us not to be together." She pulled the covers back, hearing Lena sniffle. "You make me feel like everything will be alright. I finally found something that's worth fighting for, and it's you. I would do anything for you," she said seriously.

Lena sniffed. "Let's not be dramatic," she said but her heart felt lighter. She wondered if Supergirl would say the same thing. _Of course she would. They're the same person._

"I love every piece of you. We're like peanut butter and jelly, or monkeys and bananas. We're perfect together." Kara smiled, feeling the tension go out of Lena's shoulders.

"Like acids and alkali," Lena added, giggling.

Kara wiped her tears away. "You're such a nerd," she whispered. Lena finally turned around and Kara kissed her, tasting the salt from her tears. She reached up to unbutton her shirt but Kara beat her to it, ripping it open.

"That shirt was expensive," she gasped as the cold air hit her chest.

"You look better without it." She straddled Lena, taking her own shirt off, and the CEO admired her muscles unabashedly. Running a hand over Kara's abs, she felt her tense up then relax, and she let out a breath.

"I want...you," Lena said shyly.

"Good." Kara bent down and kissed her, more aggressively. She put her hand on Lena's waistband then looked up for confirmation to go ahead. When Lena nodded breathlessly, Kara slipped her pants down and started teasing her.

"Have you done this before?" Lena breathed pulling Kara closer.

"No, but neither have you so it doesn't matter." Kara bent down again. "Stop talking," she mumbled against her lips then kissed her way down Lena's neck. Halfway down she opened her mouth and bit the delicate skin, and Lena gasped. She sucked on the skin for a moment before continuing, trailing her way down Lena's stomach. Lena's breaths were coming faster and uncontrollably, and she reached behind her to brace herself against the headboard. Kara looked up at her from her pelvis and Lena felt goosebumps raise on her arms at the look in her eye. "I want to know what you taste like," the blonde growled, then Lena felt her tongue flick out. Kara's hands on her thighs held her legs in place, trapping her, and she silently begged her not to stop. Her back arched and she sucked in air, panting as Kara went deeper and deeper. She could feel the blankets sticking to her sweat and she let out a moan, her hands clamping down on Kara's shoulders.

 _This is what love is._

* * *

Lena woke up the next morning feeling Kara move underneath her. She had fallen asleep in her arms, the blanket draped over them both. Lifting her head, she started. _Holy shit._

She was lying on top of Kara and they were floating five feet above their bed. "I guess there's no question of secret identities," she muttered. As slowly as possible she slipped out of Kara's arms and jumped down onto the bed. Kara rolled over in her sleep and Lena watched, amused, as her girlfriend turned in midair. _I am the luckiest girl in the world._ Grabbing Kara's shirt off the ground, she slipped it on then headed for the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. She watched it boil, the night's events replaying in her head.

 _Kara, looking at her like she was her whole world._

 _Kara telling her all the things she was going to do to her, then doing them exactly like she said she would._

 _Kara, making her scream._

 _ **Ding!**_

The coffee finished and Lena poured herself a cup. Walking back into the bedroom she smiled, then put a hand on Kara's ankle. She pulled her back down to the bed, remembering when she was a kid and her helium balloon had floated up to the ceiling. Lex had gotten it back for her by jumping up and grabbing the string, and it reminded her of that. The second Kara's body touched the mattress, Lena bent over her. "Rise and shine!"

Kara groaned into the pillow and rolled over, covering her face. "No."

Lena sat on the edge of the bed sipping her coffee. "Don't be like that. We have things to do today, a magazine to get printed, people to save." She leaned in and kissed Kara's cheek. "Come on, darling. The sun is already up."

"Great. That doesn't mean I have to be." Kara pulled the blankets up and disappeared under them.

Lena yanked the blankets back and stared at Kara's naked torso for a moment then shook her head. "Alright, grumpy pants. I know you're not a morning person but we have to get moving. Have some coffee." She pushed the cup into Kara's hands and watched gleefully as Kara took a sip, her eyes closed.

"Gross!" Kara grimaced, swallowing. "You drink your coffee black. That's a mean prank to play on someone you just woke up."

Lena took the cup back and set it on the nightstand. "Maybe you should've gotten up and seen what I was handing you," she said in a throaty voice.

Kara reached around Lena's waist and pulled her down into the bed. "Can't we just stay here forever? You look great in my shirt." She mumbled into Lena's neck.

"Nope. I'm off limits until you get up." Lena wormed her way out of Kara's arms and stood up, smiling.

Kara opened one eye. "If you aren't going to hug me then I'll just lie in bed all day feeling sorry for myself."

"That's so lame." Lena rolled her eyes. "If you get up in the next two minutes I'll make you breakfast before we go to work."

Kara's ears perked up. "Really?"

"How many eggs do you want?"

Kara smiled. "Six. Or seven."

"Fine. But you have to get up," Lena gave in, going back to the kitchen. "You've turned me into a housewife," she called back jokingly.

"You offered," Kara said, coming out of the bedroom a minute later fully dressed. "How's my eggs?"

"Barely cracked, you gave me about two seconds." Lena started to turn the stove on when her phone rang. "Hello?" She looked at Kara then turned the stove off. "I'll be right there." She hung up and frowned at Kara's puppy dog eyes. "Sorry, gotta run. Something with the suit and Jeremiah and—" She saw Kara's face harden and kissed her before hurrying to put on her shoes. "I'll meet you at the DEO. You need to drop by Cat Co. and make sure the next edition is ready to print. It goes out in two days."

Kara frowned. "If you see my sister—"

"If I see Alex I'm running the other way," Lena assured her. "I'll wait til you get there before I make any decisions if I can."

"Okay. See you." Kara watched Lena bustle out the door and got ready to leave herself. "Oh, Rao," she grumbled to herself, remembering Lena had driven them home. "I actually do have to take the bus."


	32. 32) Alex's Decision

"What's going on?" Lena walked up to Alex.

"I need—is that a hickey?" Alex peered at her neck.

Lena popped her collar up and cleared her throat. "You needed to show me something?"

"Oh my god, my sister—I'm gonna kill you," Alex swallowed. "Bigger fish to fry. I need to show you something," Alex said, looking around. "In here." She ushered Lena into a room and closed the door behind her.

"What's in here?" Lena looked around the empty room.

"Kara's mother," Alex said grimly. She flattened her hand on the scanner and Alura Zor-El's hologram flickered to life.

Lena stepped closer, sticking out her hand. "The image of her?"

Alura looked straight at her. "Lena Kieran Luthor. Twenty-six years old. Daughter of Lionel Luthor and an unknown woman. Adopted at age four, raised by Lillian Luthor. CEO of L-Corp, formally known as Luthor Corp. Current co-chair of Cat Co. Media Worldwide with Kara Danvers—"

The image froze and Lena turned to see Alex playing with the controls. "That's unsettling. And incredible. She's like a supercomputer."

"She has all of Alura's knowledge and memories but she's not really there. She's impersonal. Robotic."

"Why are you showing me this?"

Alex paused. "I want you to do this for Winn. I need it to be better than Krypton's technology and you're the only one that can do that. This was made for a practical purpose, I want it for sentimental reasons."

Lena bit her lip. "That's something no one's been able to achieve. There's a reason humanity is fleeting and finite, it has the spark of life you're talking about. No amount of metal can make up for that."

"Can you try? I'm not asking for the impossible—"

"You kind of are. I'll tell you right now, whatever you're hoping for I can't make anything like that. The few times people have tried to mix man and machine they created monsters or they didn't work at all."

"One more thing," Alex said, shutting the program down.

"Yes?"

"If you do this, you can't tell Kara."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "That's off the table."

"Please?"

"No. We already have this massive, beyond insane secret between us. You should know better than to ask something like that of me." Lena crossed her arms.

"Kara won't understand. It's horrible for her, seeing her mother and having her not really be there."

"And you think seeing Winn's ghost made by my own hands will be any better? Now that you've let me know Kara wouldn't want this, I'm even more against the idea." Lena shook her head. "I can't do this to her."

"Look, if it doesn't work, she never has to know. Or I'll tell her it was me," Alex said desperately. "It's not just about Kara. I know Winn is slipping away from us and I can't lose him and my father both at once."

"For me, it is all about Kara. You know this will hurt her, how could you even say that? What's gotten into you?" Lena was taken aback but she couldn't stop herself from walking over and inspecting the panel. "This controls it?"

Alex nodded, watching her expression carefully.

"The answer's still no." Lena shrugged. "I'm going to go see how Winn is doing."

Alex followed her out and they tracked down the doctor. "It's not good," he said sadly. "He's barely holding on, I don't even know what for. You need to make a decision."

Alex blinked tears out of her eyes and held Winn's hand. She wondered if he could hear anything, wondered if he knew he was dying. The idea of his death hit her like a truck and she turned to Lena with a guilty expression on her face. "I wanted to ask if you'd help my father."

Lena stared at Alex, trying to figure out her motivations. "Maybe you should talk to Kara before you decide anything."

"I have decided. He's my dad," Alex said plainly. "I don't want to lose him." Jeremiah was asleep but Alex lowered her voice. "Kara wants him alive for a trial, so you'd be helping us both," she said hopefully.

Lena shook her head. "It's no use trying to trick a Luthor into doing anything, but I'll fix the suit. I'll get it off him and I'll get his body functioning again, at least the external aspects."

"Don't talk about him like he's a machine," Alex said harshly.

"I'm going to be working on him like he's a machine. I'll try to reverse whatever my mother did to him, but no promises." Lena read through Jeremiah's chart again and looked up, alarmed. "His heart is failing rapidly."

Alex nodded somberly.

"No, I mean too quickly for me to help him. I'm not a doctor, Alex. He needs a new heart. Engineering can only do so much."

"You're a scientist," Alex corrected her. "You can fix this. It's your job to push the boundaries."

"Kara said you were going to be a doctor—you do realize how hard it is to get a heart, right? There's a nationwide list, not to mention so many other things have to line up and you don't have time to wait—"

"Then build him a new one!" Alex interrupted her, tired of hearing 'no' for an answer. She knew Lena was right and she was being unreasonable but watching her father die in front of her wasn't an option.

"That's not a realistic thing to ask me," Lena said gently.

Alex angrily wiped a tear away. "Just...fix the suit." She stormed off and Lena sighed, pulling the blueprints to the Lexosuit out of her purse. She set the bag down and unrolled them, glancing between the papers and Jeremiah's body. Long-term exposure to Kryptonite hadn't done him any favors, he looked like Metallo had in his final days; pale, sick, skin shot through with green. He was sleeping so Lena bent down, squinting at the chunk of deactivated kryptonite. "Seems like you made some changes to my suit," she muttered. At that moment his eyes snapped open, glowing green.

"You."

Lena stepped back, rolling up the blueprints. "Jeremiah," she said warily. "It's Lena Luthor. I'm trying to help you, help your daughters."

"Kara is _not my daughter_ ," he hissed, the tendons in his neck standing out.

Lena narrowed her eyes. "I don't know what my mother's done to you, but you don't get to say shit like that." She reached for his chest, turned a dial and pried the dull green rock out of the suit. She locked it away in a nearby safe and saw with some disappointment that his eyes were still glowing green; a small part of her had hoped his mood swings were because of the kryptonite but she knew better. _They need a therapist, not a scientist._

"Go tell that alien rat that I don't ever want to see her again," Jeremiah growled, glaring at Lena. "Or I'll kill her."

Lena clenched her jaw and loomed over him. It would be easy, so easy, to have something malfunction and Jeremiah Danvers would be dead from unforeseen complications. "Don't you dare threaten Kara," she said coldly. "She's better than you'll ever be."

Jeremiah closed his eyes and when he opened them again they were their normal dark brown, like Alex's. "Lena Luthor. Where's Alex, where's Kara?" He said in a concerned voice. "Are they alright?"

Lena blinked, getting whiplash from his mood swings. "They're fine," she hesitated. "Alex was just here and Kara is...on her way."

Jeremiah tilted his head. "Your mother tortured me for years."

"She did the same thing to me, if it's any consolation." Lena unrolled the papers again, looking at the twisted metal. "Getting this suit off of you is going to hurt," she warned him.

"No more than what your mother did to me," Jeremiah said plainly. "She broke my body, my mind, my spirit. There were endless days when she would have her men beat me, again and again until I coughed up blood and couldn't stay awake."

Lena took a deep breath but it was too late. She was already caught up in her own memories; starvation and pain and the Martian ripping his way through her mind. The blueprints fell from her hands and she stumbled away from the med bay, her mother's voice echoing around her.

" _Never good enough."_

" _You call yourself a Luthor?"_

" _You can die with all the rest of them."_

She remembered the feeling of her bones breaking and she flinched, hitting the wall. She could barely see as the shadow of a man crossed her sight line; she backed up but it was just J'onn.

"Ms. Luthor, are you alright?" His voice sounded muffled to her ears and she cringed away from his outstretched hand. "Someone call Kara Danvers," he demanded in a loud voice.

She felt her way down the hallway until her hand hit a doorknob; pushing her way inside she locked J'onn outside and sunk to the floor, her legs giving way underneath her.

 _Keep it together, Lena._

 _Not real. It's not real._

 _Kara is coming._

 _Kara._

Lena's sight cleared and she repeated her girlfriend's name over and over in her head, drowning out her mother's voice.

 _Kara_.

When she caught her breath, she pulled herself up on shaky legs, not noticing the room she was in. Her hand pressed against the scanner and a hologram of Lillian Luthor popped up behind her.

"Lena."

"Not real," Lena muttered to herself.

"My daughter."

Lena froze, her hand on the doorknob. "Mother?" She turned slowly, gasping when she saw Lillian. Her bones turned to ice; freezing cold and brittle.

"Come here, child." Lillian stood calmly, her hands at her sides.

Staring in disbelief, Lena moved her hand through her mother's body to convince herself that she wasn't really there. "What is this?"

"I am a compilation of Lillian Luthor's experiences. Her knowledge, her memories, her opinions."

"Talking in the third person? That's a whole new level of dirt bag, even for you," Lena said under her breath. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and watched the hologram move, a little awe-struck.

"I am not your mother. I am the personification of her brain without any emotion." Lillian's voice was achingly familiar and Lena had to collect herself.

"How long have you been here?" She asked tentatively.

"Since the day I died."

"That's why they kept your body here?"

"Yes. They use me for information; they ask about laboratories, locations of Cadmus operatives. They haven't been able to find all of them, but at least six agents have been neutralized."

"You mean killed," Lena realized with a jolt. "They're using you to kill people."

"No, I do mean neutralized. The alien in charge, J'onn J'onzz, he erases their minds when they are brought in."

"Alien in charge—did you help them track down Jeremiah?" Lena struggled to keep up.

"Jeremiah went rogue. He became fixated on Supergirl, fixated on using you to bring her down. Cadmus did too good a job of brainwashing him."

Lena nodded, none of this was news to her. "Is there a way to reverse it?" She tried to stay professional but her mother's voice was bringing back memories she didn't want dredged up.

"Lillian didn't know of one, not without killing him. Most of the time he does not realize what he is doing. But Lillian was afraid he would fall into your hands."

"The DEO?"

"No. You, Lena."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Why me? What is there to be afraid of with me?" She sounded like her younger self, desperate for her mother's attention. _The attention of a ghost. How pathetic._

"Lillian believed if anyone could bring him back to the man he used to be, it would be you. She always feared losing her top Cadmus operative to you."

"You always did like underestimating me," Lena admitted, "But maybe it was all for show."

"I am not your mother, but it was most definitely all for show. She knew how intelligent you were and feared that you would rise above her. And yet, she loved you. In her own way."

Lena swallowed, not sure what to say to that. "So you would know why she never acted like she cared." It wasn't a question.

"She did care for you, Lena." The hologram flickered and Lena's eyes watered from staring so long without blinking.

"She never said," Lena answered, furious that she felt the pull of adoration for her mother even now, unable to walk away. _Leave the room. Lock the door and never come back._

The hologram tilted its head to the side. "She isn't here now, but if she was, she would be proud of you. She was proud of you."

Lena shook her head. "Proud for all the wrong reasons."

"She was proud of the woman you became. There are letters she wrote to you that are hidden in the Luthor mansion under—"

The hologram flickered again then went dark and Lena turned to see Kara standing in the doorway. She took one look at Lena's broken expression and rushed to her side, crushing her in a hug. "I got a call at work, they said you had a panic attack? I was going to come by later and see Winn but—"

"Did I?" Lena's frame was tense and her mind was going a million miles an hour. _Where could those letters be?_

"I didn't know they had your mother here," Kara said in a shocked voice. No one had ever mentioned it to her but she was too preoccupied with Lena to dwell on it.

"They have y—they have Supergirl's mother here too," Lena said, barely catching herself. It had only been a minute but she already wanted Kara to leave, wanted to speak with her mother—her not-mother—in private. _Sorry, Alex. I need her off my case right now._ "Alex also wanted..."

Kara knit her eyebrows. "Alex?"

"She wanted me to do the same thing to Winn. She asked me to do it, thinking I could engineer something more human that what you have here."

Kara's expression grew stormy and Lena winced internally. "Why would she ask you to do that? She knows how I feel about this," she growled.

"You don't like the concept?"

Kara met her eyes, a little thrown off by how calm Lena was. J'onn's frantic phone call made the situation sound like a disaster but Lena was in front of her, calmly asking questions. "I think you should let go of the people you love," she said firmly.

"I already buried my mother," Lena pointed out.

"Not completely," Kara glanced at the center of the room. "Look, I know better than anyone that having a mother who isn't really there...it's not what you want. You think it is, but you'll feel just as hurt and just as disappointed when it doesn't measure up," she sighed. "I don't want to put you through that."

Someone knocked on the door and they broke apart. Lena was smoothing back her hair as Alex walked in and she nervously glanced at Kara. "When did you get here?"

Kara glared at her sister. "A few minutes after you asked Lena to clone Winn into a movie projector."

Alex shot Lena a look. "That wasn't supposed to be common knowledge."

"Don't blame her." Kara stood in front of her girlfriend. "I know you. I know that look. What did you do?"

Alex fidgeted with her gun, refusing to meet Kara's eyes.

"Alex, what did you _do?!_ "

"I bought dad more time," she started defensively.

Lena's eyes widened as she realized what Alex meant. Kara's face was still a mask of confusion but she walked forwards until she was inches from Alex and sucked in a breath. "You better be very, _very_ careful about what you say next, Alex."

Fear turned her stomach and Lena took a step back, afraid of the coming explosion. "Kara, maybe you should sit down."

"Tell me what you did," Kara said in a dangerously quiet voice, not even hearing Lena.

Alex didn't say anything and Kara's heart stuttered. She blinked a few times, trying to get air into her lungs.

"He was never going to wake up." Alex's voice was barely audible.

Kara's breath whooshed out and she stared at her sister. "You knew. You decided before you even asked me. You didn't even _think_ to ask me."

Alex swallowed nervously. "I knew what you would say. The doctor said he wasn't going to wake up—"

"And now, because of you, he will never get the chance." Kara's mouth was a tight line and Lena's heart broke at the expression on her face. "You know, when you killed my aunt I blamed it on the DEO. They trained you, turned you into a monster who kills without thinking. But this?" Kara's tone was still eerily calm; Lena's eyebrows shot up when she mentioned her aunt but she kept her surprise silent. "This just proves that you were a killer all along." She brushed past her sister and Lena hurried after her.

"Kara, wait!"

"I need some air." She could feel the panic clawing at her chest but she couldn't do anything to stop it.

"Kara, let's go home. You need—"

"Oh, are you deciding what I need, too? Because my sister just did."

"Alex didn't make that decision for anyone but herself," Lena said carefully.

"You got that right," Kara fumed. "I—" she shook her head. "I need to be alone right now," she said tersely, picking up her pace.

Lena tried to keep up with her, kicking her heels off and running after her. "Kara, talk to me. Where are you going?"

Kara shook her head again. "I just need to be alone," she said in a hoarse voice. She ducked into a room and locked the door, leaving Lena to bang on the outside.

"Kara, let me help you! I'm here for you, anything you need," Lena called through the door in concern. _How could Alex do this to her sister?_ When Kara didn't answer her she looked to the window and was only half shocked when Supergirl flew by a moment later.

 _Not all of us can fly away from our problems._

* * *

" _Supergirl hasn't been seen or heard from in two days now, failing to stop several international crises. Sources say she worked closely with Cat Co.'s IT manager, recently deceased Winslow Schott Junior. The investigation into his death has revealed very little, but Cadmus has been mentioned—"_

"You don't really want to hear that," Sam said, shutting the television off.

Lena put her head in her hands. "She's not answering my calls," she complained. "J'onn said she's been flying non-stop and I'm afraid she's pushing herself too hard."

Sam took a look at the blueprints they were studying. Lena had explained the situation to her and after getting over how horrible it was, she had offered her help. They had spent the last two nights between Lena's L-Corp office and the med bay at the DEO, slowly removing the suit from Jeremiah's metal frame. Every time she caught a glimpse of Lena's face she noticed how detached she was—Lena had promised Alex she would help her father but she was dissociating. She knew it was Winn's heart beating in Jeremiah's chest and the only way for her to work through it was to pretend it wasn't happening.

"Why won't she let me help her?" Lena rubbed her eyes.

Sam pursed her lips. "You probably don't want to hear this..."

"Go ahead."

"But it might have something to do with the whole stolen heart in her father's body situation."

Lena narrowed her eyes. "You're right, I didn't want to hear it. How do we get the last piece of the suit off?"

"It's fused with the base of his skull. If we mess this up—"

"We waste a perfectly good heart."

"Also, a man dies. Let's not forget that," Sam pointed out. "Are you really going to print an article about Winn while Kara's not even in the city?"

"Ms. Luthor?" Jess knocked on the door.

"Yes?"

"The funeral planner is here. Should I send him in?"

Gathering up the blueprints, Sam shot her friend a glance. "I didn't know that was on you."

"No one else is doing it, according to J'onn. And I just want to get a few things in place so it'll be easier for Kara." She nodded to her assistant. "He can come in."

"I'm surprised it's not front page news that Lena Luthor's girlfriend is missing," Sam shook her head.

"That's because no one can print it. I made all of Cat Co. sign a confidentiality clause that day." Lena thought about Kara kissing her in the Cat Co. office, the happy look in her eyes when she thought everything was out in the open.

"I'm sure that went swimmingly." Sam looked up as the door opened. "Matt?"

"Matt? Do you know each other?" Lena said in surprise, standing to greet him.

Sam blinked quickly. "Yeah, this is, uh, Matt. Alex's sponsor. I've been talking to him for months." She turned to him accusingly. "You never told me you knew Lena."

"I planned her mother's funeral, too," Matthew said shyly. "And I never said anything because the AA thing is my side job. I'm not there to network."

"Matthew's the best. He helps arrange everything; flowers, venue, coffin—"

"Hang on." Sam held up a hand. "This is a delicate business. It's only been a few days, shouldn't you at least wait for Kara to get back?"

"Kara is Alex's sister, right?" Matthew cut in.

Lena nodded at him. "Yes. Both the Danvers girls seem to have fallen off the face of the Earth."

Matthew ruffled his hair. "We should try to find Alex," he supplied helpfully, glancing at Sam. "Where's Maggie? They're still together?"

"Maggie is dealing with the back end of a legal trial at the moment but every spare second she has she's been trying to track her down. We'll get Alex, don't worry."

"Screw that, we need to find Kara." Lena crossed her arms and glared at them, daring them to argue with her.

"Of the two, I'm more worried about Alex. Kara seems to have her head on her shoulders," Matthew said tentatively.

"Well, _she's_ not the one who ripped out someone's heart with no warning," Lena said bitterly.

"You sure about that?" Matthew gave her a pointed look. "Cause it looks like she didn't give you a warning."

"That's not fair. She's going through a lot." She closed her eyes, rubbing her temples. "I can't think without her here. I hate this."

Sam shot her a sympathetic smile. "You really care about her, don't you." It wasn't a question.

Lena nodded wordlessly. _I should have done more. I should have done things differently._

* * *

"Whoo!" Kara cheered as the song finished. "I love karaoke!" She picked up her third glass and drained it. "What did you say this was, Mister...?"

The bartender turned and smiled. "Aldebaran rum. And the name's Mike." He pointed to his name tag.

Kara squinted at it and held out her glass. "Another, please, Mmmmike."

"Sure thing, little lady." He poured her the drink then went to help another customer.

"Good job!" Kara called out to no one in particular. A hand tapped her on the shoulder and she turned to see her sister. "Alex," she hiccuped. "Come have a drink with me."

"I really need to talk to you," Alex said in a low voice.

"Nope. Sit down!" She slapped Alex on the back hard enough that the brunette had to put her hands out to avoid hitting the bar.

"Kara, can we go somewhere private?" Alex said, taking a seat.

Kara waved the bartender over, ignoring her sister. "A scotch for her, please. This is Mike. Mike, this is my terrible, lying sister," she said drunkenly.

"Okay, I deserved that." The words stung her but Alex didn't object. "I'd just really rather talk about this back at your apartment."

"She deserves a good drink. She takes all the tough decisions and makes them without even asking anyone else for help, that's how grown up she is," Kara slurred.

Mike smiled amicably, not wanting to get in the middle of a fight. He filled Kara's glass again and slid the scotch over to Alex, nodding at her when she caught it; she clearly knew her way around a bar counter. She got as far as picking up the glass then closed her eyes, setting it down with a dull thud. "Kara, come on. Let's just go home. I'll pay for your drinks."

"And when do you pay for all the other shit you've done?" Kara said harshly.

Alex recoiled. "I guess I deserve that too."

Kara narrowed her eyes at her sister, feeling the rage building up. It had started the second she'd taken off from the DEO and filled her up as she flew over cities and oceans and countries, and it was coming to a breaking point. "Who are you to talk about _deserving anything?_ What did Winn _deserve?_ What did Jeremiah _deserve?_ "

"Kara, there you are! I've been worried sick; I should've know you'd come to karaoke night." Lena's voice spoke behind her.

"My name is in the title," Kara said without turning around. Alex was staring at her, speechless; she and Lena watched Kara finish off her drink and when Mike came around to fill it up again, Lena put her hand over the glass.

"No more, thanks."

He nodded. "Sure. Hey, I know you."

"Everyone knows her," Kara slurred. "She's my girlfriend and she's beautiful. But she's mine. You can't have her." Her eyes narrowed.

Lena smiled at Mike. "We'll take that tab," she said before he got the chance to reply. He set it down and walked to the other end of the bar, shooting them another glance. Lena dug around in her purse for cash and took Kara's arm, leading her to the door.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" Kara said with a goofy smile when they stepped out into the cold air.

"So you've said," Lena said distractedly. "Let's get you home."

"Can I talk to her for a second?" Alex stepped in front of them and Lena paused, Kara leaning on her.

"Maybe this could wait until tomorrow, Alex? I think I should get her home."

"I have to get this off my chest or I may do something I regret."

"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" Lena said in a biting tone. When Alex's face fell, she hesitated. "I'll go get my car." She handed Kara off to her sister but the second Lena's touch disappeared Kara shoved Alex away.

"Don't touch me. I hate you."

"Kara, you're not thinking clearly."

"No!" Kara shoved her sister away again. "I _am_ thinking clearly. You're—a monster! You killed one of my best friends, the first person I told my secret to!" Her eyes were dry; she had cried all her tears out over the ocean when all she could see was the sea line and all she could hear was the water turning on itself. Her hair still had sea spray in it and she ran a hand through it, making it stick out in some places.

"You told me." Alex's throat burned from the tears she was trying to hide from her sister.

"I didn't have a choice," Kara spat. She stumbled and Alex caught her.

"Kara, I'm so sorry," Alex said quickly before she could pull away. "I didn't mean for this to happen."

Looking at her in disgust, Kara pulled her arm out of Alex's grasp. "What did you think would happen? You took his heart out."

"I did it for dad. He's still in there Kara, you have to believe me—"

"I don't have to believe anything you say, ever again!"

"I'm sor—"

Kara cut her off by pushing her backwards. In her drunken state she misjudged her strength and Alex hit the brick wall behind her hard enough to knock the wind out of her. "Stop apologizing to me!" She grabbed her sister's arm and threw her to the side; Alex rolled over a few times before fetching up against a dumpster. Pulling Alex up by her collar, Kara was beyond grief; she was furious, betrayed, repulsed. "You should be apologizing to Winn!" Her fist hit her sister's chest and with a resounding _crack_ , Alex flew through the air, crashing into the outside of the bar. She fell to the ground in a heap and didn't move, blood dripping down her face as Lena's headlights pulled up.

"What's going on here?" The brunette got out of the car, slamming the door. She saw with alarm that Kara's eyes were starting to glow but hurried to Alex's side.

"Yeah, make sure she's alright," Kara sneered.

Alex had started to sit up with Lena's help, her eyes a little dazed. "I lost him too," she said in a hoarse voice.

"You killed him," Kara said brusquely. She started to head over to them as Lena pulled Alex off the ground but the CEO met her gaze.

"Kara, get in the car."

She opened her mouth to argue but one look at Lena's face sent her back towards the car. She got in the passenger seat and closed the door loudly, feeling like she was in time out.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Lena turned to Alex.

"I needed to apologize." Alex leaned against the brick wall, coughing up blood.

Lena looked at her angrily. "You have some nerve, you know that?"

"What?"

"You do things behind Kara's back, you don't even let her have a say—she probably would have agreed with you if you'd given her the chance. Then you come here and you try to apologize to clear your own conscience?" Lena shook her head. " And now the guilt is on her. In her mind, she's the one who's done wrong by you."

Alex closed her eyes. "That's not why—"

"It is why. I'm a Luthor, I know how these things go," Lena said coldly. "You should call Maggie."

"I don't want to bother her—"

"Call her," Lena commanded. "Because I'm not putting you in the same car as your sister right now, but I can't leave you here." She walked over to the car while Alex made the call, sliding into the driver's seat. Neither of them spoke for a moment, watching Alex talk to Maggie.

"I'm in so much trouble," Kara said glumly. She was still drunk but her eyes were back to normal.

 _Glowing eyes. Like father like daughter._ "If anyone's in trouble, it's Alex," Lena countered. "But if it's alright with you, I'll go stand with her until Maggie gets here." Kara nodded and she grabbed a blanket from the trunk of her car, heading back to Alex. "Here." Lena draped the blanket over Alex's shoulders gently.

"Still mad at me?" Alex said quietly.

"Not as mad as you think," Lena answered truthfully. "You're not on my top ten list right now, but I don't hate you."

"Kara does."

"Kara doesn't know what she's feeling right now. She's caught up in grief, she's drunk. Speaking of which, you aren't, right?"

Alex shook her head. "Unfortunately."

Lena let out a laugh, the sound contrasting with the dark alleyway and blood. "Well, the tables have turned."

Alex half-smiled then put her head in her hands, wincing. "Maggie's going to kill me."

"No she won't. She might try to kill Kara, but I don't advise it." A cop car pulled up at the end of the street and Lena helped Alex stand up. "Keep the blanket."

"Oh my god, what happened?" Maggie ran over and hugged Alex. "You told me to come pick you up, not that you'd been through a meat grinder."

"Ouch," Alex grimaced. "I'll explain in the car."

Maggie shot Lena a grateful look. "Thanks for waiting with her."

"No problem. I'll get the other Danvers far away from here for a while."

"Kara's here?" Maggie's eyebrows shot up and she looked at Alex. "You have a lot of explaining to do." She led Alex away and drove off as Lena got back into her car.

Kara looked up as Lena closed the door. "Hi." She still sounded drunk.

Lena deliberated for a moment then texted Sam and Eve.

 _Going away for a day or two. Have fun running the company._

She tossed her phone in the backseat and held her hand out. Kara took it with a frown.

"I feel so empty," she said sadly.

Lena kissed her shoulder. "I know." She put the car in drive and headed West. "You disappeared on me for a while there," she said as they pulled onto the highway. "Where did you go?"

"I was flying," Kara said matter-of-factly.

"Flying, huh?" Lena's jaw clenched, a barely visible ripple of muscle that Kara caught.

"You're not mad, are you?"

"And what would I be not mad at?" Lena merged lanes, not looking at Kara.

"That I can fly. It calms me down. I'm sorry I never told you, I was afraid that you would hate me or someone would try to kill you again or—"

"Kara, you're rambling." Seeing a sigh for a drive through Lena pulled off the highway.

"Oh." Kara fell silent, playing with Lena's fingers on the armrest. "Did you know my dad made the Medusa virus?"

Lena's foot hit the brakes a little too hard and they were flung forward as she turned.

"Not Jeremiah. My real dad, he made the Medusa virus. The one your mother had. It was meant to keep Krypton safe from invaders—that's where I'm from. Krypton. Superman, too." Kara smiled. "He's my cousin."

Lena drove up to the window, speechless.

"Big Belly burger, what can I get for you?"

Kara leaned across Lena and spoke out the window. "Five cheeseburgers and a medium fries, please."

"Anything else?"

"I'll take a chocolate milkshake," Lena said from under Kara's arm. She could feel the heat radiating out from Kara's body and smell her dryer sheets along with the smell of open air that she had never been able to place. "That's all."

"Twenty-three eighty-five is your total, move up to the second window." Kara sat back down and Lena shivered from the sudden cold, reaching for her wallet.

"Where are we going?" Kara said once they had pulled back onto the highway.

"A motel. I come here occasionally when everything gets to be a little 'too much'. Pay in cash, the man who runs it is an old friend of mine."

Kara nodded in agreement, too busy eating. They parked at the motel and Kara stayed in the car while Lena paid for the room, and she had finished the food by the time they got back.

"Are you drinking my milkshake?"

"Sorry." Kara looked at her with puppy eyes.

"Never mind. I'm not really hungry," Lena laughed. "Come on."

"I can hear the ocean," Kara said as Lena closed the door.

"You can?"

Kara nodded. "I have super hearing. And I love the ocean," she added as an after thought.

"I don't." Lena shivered, thinking of the time she spent locked away underwater. "What else can you hear?" she asked curiously.

Kara tilted her head and closed her eyes. "I can hear the man on the next floor telling his wife he won't be home till later and I can also hear a woman telling him to hurry up and get off the call." Lena dropped their purses off by the door and sat down on the bed. Kara drained the milkshake and kicked her shoes off, wriggling her way under the covers. "Come snuggle."

Lena took a little longer to wash her face and undress. When she was in her underwear and a tank top she slipped under the blankets, taking her place as the little spoon. "Tell me everything else you can do."

Kara smiled into her hair. "I can fly."

"What do you like about flying?" Lena said in a quiet voice.

"I like that you can see everything for miles and miles. And you can hear everything, but it's muted, like none of it can touch you. And nothing's holding you back."

Lena thought about that for a moment. "What else can you hear?"

"I can hear your heart beating. And I can hear those people having sex. Gross." She wrinkled her nose and buried it in Lena's hair. "I can hear the cars driving by on the road. One of them is playing country music, and he just lit a cigarette."

"That's...amazing," Lena said, a little awe-struck.

"You're amazing. I thought you would be mad. I thought you would leave me and say you could never trust me again."

Lena swallowed. "I've known for a while." She felt Kara freeze behind her and turned over to look her in the eye. "I know I should've said something but it took me a while to get over how mad I was. And I was mad, at first. I thought you had tried to keep this a secret from me for the wrong reasons, but now I see that Supergirl—she's just another piece of you. You aren't separate people at all, you're both Kara. You're both mine." She kissed Kara and pulled her closer.

Kara was a little breathless when Lena leaned back to read her expression. "Can I tell you about my home?" she blurted out. It was something she'd wanted to do since Lena had told her what it was like growing up in the Luthor mansion.

Lena smiled. "Of course you can." She played with Kara's hair as the blonde started talking, a sentimental look in her eye.

"It was similar to Earth. It was so pretty there. Clark and I, we used to run around all the time when we weren't in lessons. We were both born into the house of El, so we knew we were going to grow up and have high positions. I loved playing hide and seek with my aunt Astra, until my mother threw her in jail. My aunt knew that Krypton was getting old, we were leeching the planet of its life force. It was going to explode and she tried to warn people until my mother banished her for it."

"Is that what you meant about being disillusioned with one's parents?"

Kara nodded. "And then Alex killed aunt Astra, so she didn't really get a happy ending. But she used to take me to the markets and I knew everyone, and everyone knew me. There was one woman with a stall at the corner and she sold jewelry. My mother bought a necklace from her and gave it to me when she sent me away, to save me while Krypton was exploding." Her voice dropped and Lena's hand rested on her neck. "I was supposed to look after Kal-El but I got knocked off course. I was older than he was when we left Krypton, but now he's the older one."

"Kal-El, that's..."

"Clark. That's his real name."

Lena brushed Kara's hair back. "And what's your real name?"

Kara was afraid to say it, afraid to let Lena know who she really was, but she'd already gone this far. "Kara Zor-El," she whispered, searching Lena's face for a sign of anger or disgust.

"That's a beautiful name," Lena whispered back. She hugged Kara as the blonde hid her face, stroking her back. In minutes she felt her breathing even out and she pulled the blankets higher, their legs intertwined. "Kara Zor-El," she said to herself, falling asleep with a smile on her face.


	33. 33) Funeral (TW)

"So what made you think you could take on your sister?"

Alex groaned and rolled over, holding her ribs. Her neck was stiff and her whole body was sore from the beat down she'd received. Alex had sobbed out an explanation and Maggie had been furious at the both of them, lecturing Alex as she wiped the blood off her body. She had fallen asleep with Maggie still tending to her bruises, tears drying on her face.

"I didn't want to fight her, I just wanted to apologize."

"And you got a black eye and fractured bones in return. Next time I won't be so nice to Kara."

"It's not her fault," Alex said as Gertrude crawled on top of her. "Ouch."

"Hey, no." Maggie pulled on the leash and Gertrude jumped down with a bark. "Time for your walk."

Alex pulled the blanket back and sat up. "I'll come with you," she said groggily. "I need to wake up."

"What you _need_ is to rest." Maggie bent down and fastened a little sweater onto her dog. "Even badass, sexy DEO agents need to take a break. Your body isn't a machine, babe."

Alex shook her head. "I have to see how dad is." She got ready slowly and Maggie's sharp eyes didn't miss how gingerly she held herself. Catching Maggie's look, Alex rolled her eyes. "I'll get checked out. I'm going to the med bay anyways."

"Good."

Alex stumbled her way to the bathroom, sucking in a breath with every step. Her left knee felt sprained and the opposite hip ached from when she hit the dumpster behind the bar. Looking in the mirror she cataloged her visible injuries with a sense of shame.

 _Broken nose, check. Black eye, check. Busted lip, check. Enough scratches that it looks like I fought a tiger, check._

She brushed her teeth and got ready, careful not to jostle her right arm. Her shoulder had come out and she vaguely remembered Maggie popping it back into the socket the night before. "I'm so stupid," she groaned, pulling her shoes on.

"I know," Maggie held her coat out to her. "Let's go."

They left the building, Alex shoving her hands in her pockets against the cold. "I haven't really had time to do any wedding planning. We decided to have it on a Sunday, in the morning." She smiled, remembering Lena's response to the post-it. "We could still have an engagement party."

"No thanks. The last one didn't really..." Maggie trailed off, untangling the leash as Gertrude scampered around, the little sweater Alex bought almost falling off. "We could have a girls' night instead," she suggested.

"Fine with me," Alex shrugged and they walked down the street. Her ribs were aching in the cold but she welcomed the pain; it woke her up, made her alert. Maggie saw her limping but didn't say anything and as Gertrude started to squat she handed her a bag. Alex made a face. "Really?"

"You're on poop duty," Maggie grinned.

"I'm injured!"

"And Kara will pay for that later, believe me. Chin up, Danvers, it's your turn. Besides, if you want kids, half the fun is cleaning up after them."

Alex groaned and bent down. Gertrude was wagging her tail and Alex thought she saw her smirk watching her pick up her present.

"Hey, look out!"

"Sorry, Miss. You're Maggie Sawyer, right?"

"Yeah," Maggie raised an eyebrow. "Can I help you?"

Alex tied off the bag, petting Gertrude. She looked up to see a man in an old Rangers jacket talking to Maggie and her paranoia spiked.

"I just wanted to apologize," the man said.

"How do you know my name?"

The man hesitated and Alex stood, her hand drifting to her gun. He looked up, meeting Maggie's eyes. "I'm Ronald Collins."

Maggie gasped a little and Alex pushed herself between her girlfriend and the older man, memories flashing back to her. "Long time no see, dirt bag."

The man glanced at the badge on her belt then back up at Maggie, incredulous. "Of course it's _you_. Still arresting people, I see."

"Still a low life piece of shit, I see," Alex fired back.

Something in the man's eyes hit her like a ton of bricks and Maggie felt light-headed. "You know him?"

"I arrested him twelve years ago when I was seventeen," Alex growled. "I should've arrested his son too."

Maggie's eyes widened. "Collins. You're not..."

"Roger Collins' father?" Alex narrowed her eyes. "Leave us alone or I'll throw you in a hole where no one will be able to find—"

"Alex, wait. What do you want?" Maggie said, her face a mask of confusion.

"I said I wanted to apologize."

"Yeah, there's a lot of that going around," Maggie said harshly. "Why are you following me? I saw you outside our building."

Collins bowed his head, contrite. "I knew my son wasn't right in the head and I'm sorry. I didn't think he would..."

"Brutally attack a woman in her own home?" Alex seethed. "I guess being a bastard runs in the family."

He looked at Maggie who was standing halfway behind Alex. "I know you're afraid of me. Because I look like him, because I sound like him." He took his hat off and his expression was somber. "I just wanted you to know it's my fault. I raised him wrong."

Maggie stepped out from behind Alex, her hands tightening on the leash. Gertrude was sniffing his boots and when she caught his scent she started to growl. "You shouldn't be apologizing to me," she said firmly. "You didn't make him do anything."

"Maggie, this isn't a good guy. He's a dirty cop, corrupt, a criminal." Alex watched her carefully but Maggie didn't waver.

"It's not your fault." She saw some of the tension go out of his shoulders when she said the words. "I don't blame you." He looked up with a hopeful expression and Maggie clenched her jaw. "But if you ever contact me or the people I love again, I'll make sure you never find work within a hundred miles of this city."

Ronald Collins nodded, his eyes on the ground. With a last look at Alex, he hurried off down the street, putting his hat back on.

"What was that?" Alex burst out when Maggie turned to face her. "You should've let me—"

"Let you what, babe. Arrest him? Kill him?" Maggie kissed her forehead. "Thanks, but I don't need a protector."

"You could've at least let me punch him," Alex said angrily.

"And you say you weren't looking for a fight." Maggie took her arm and they kept walking down the street. "It's not his fault though. He had no control over the...situation."

Alex bit her lip. "How are you, really? I know the trial's over and done with, finally, but what do you need?"

Instead of answering, Maggie kissed her. "Just you. You and your super-duper poop-picker-upper skills."

"Haha, but I'm being serious. Have you been...you know." Alex glanced at her thighs, pulling them all to a stop.

Maggie smirked. "You were down there last week, you can answer that question yourself."

Alex turned beet red. "It was dark! And that was a week ago. I just want to make sure I'm not leaving you on your own."

"I'm not alone. I have you. And this beautiful puppy, the best dog in the whole world." Maggie's voice went up an octave as she scooped up the lab. "Who's a good girl? You're getting big, aren't you. I love you so much."

"Gross," Alex laughed as Maggie held Gertrude out to her, the dog licking her face. "Fine, if you're sure."

"I'm always sure," Maggie bent down and let Gertrude run around them. "I'll come pick you up at work, and maybe if you're good I'll give you a treat."

"Are you talking to me or the dog?"

Maggie winked, not answering the question. "Love you." She kissed Alex again and headed back the way they came.

Alex chuckled to herself, holding her hand out. The ring caught the morning sun and she smiled, twisting it around her finger.

* * *

Lena woke up swaddled in blankets, a note from Kara on the pillow next to her.

 _See you at the beach. XO_

Dragging herself out of bed she fumbled through her purse for her phone, scrolling through all her missed texts.

From Sam:

 _No update on Jeremiah. Need to meet with the clients of LaRue later this week to get them to sign over their pharmaceutical deal._

From Eve:

 _Police called for a statement, they have your car parked on a traffic cam outside Alex's apartment the night Winn died._ _I didn't tell them anything._

Lena closed her eyes and fell back on the bed. _Why did Kara have to go to the beach?_ Foregoing her bra she threw her jacket on and kicked herself for not packing anything. _You run a business but can't handle and impromptu weekend trip._ Pulling on her slacks she left the room. "Hey Jack," she said to her friend at the front desk.

"Lena," he nodded to her. "Your girlfriend's run off."

"Maybe I scared her away," Lena said, only half-joking.

"No, she's literally run away. Took off at six this morning jogging, said something about the beach. I told her it was too cold, but," he shrugged. "She listened to me as much as you do."

"So not at all." Lena smiled to herself. "She does love the beach. See you later," she waved. She got in her car and put her shades on, the late morning sun in her eyes. She had no idea what to say to Kara; she had worked through her anger on her own but with Winn and Jeremiah and everything that had happened, she knew things wouldn't be the same. It took her almost an hour to reach the shore. There was no one else there; regular people didn't go the beach this late in the year.

"Regular people don't do a lot of the things we do," Lena muttered to herself. Leaving her shoes in the car, she walked to the edge of the parking lot. "Kara?" she called out in a loud voice. "Kara, where are you?" _You don't have to yell._ "Kara?" She stepped onto the sand, feeling it between her toes. The sound of the waves thundered in her ears and she bit the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to stay in the present.

"Hey!" A small figure in the distance waved to her and she smiled, recognizing Kara's hair flying behind her.

A particularly loud wave crashed by her and she swallowed, taking a few halting steps. She could feel the movement of the waves through the ground and she started to feel herself slipping away, but she shoved the feelings deep inside her and kept walking.

 _You betrayed me._

 _Just like all the rest._

 _No one will ever believe a Luthor._

Lena broke into a run, trying to leave her mother's voice behind her. "Kara!" She saw the blonde's eyes widen as they got closer and barely registered what she was saying before slamming into her. Kara caught her, keeping them upright.

"Lena! Lena, what's wrong?" Kara searched her face frantically. Lena's eyes were glazed over, unable to focus on anything. The sky spun around her as her breaths got shorter and shorter and Kara swept her legs up, sitting down on the sand. "Lena? Talk to me." She brushed the hair out of Lena's face and kissed her forehead desperately.

Kara's arms around her brought her back and she sat up, groaning. "Kara?" She put a hand to her head. "How did we get here?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. What happened?"

Lena closed her eyes, the roar of the ocean fading into the background. "It's the ocean. I can't—wait, you don't remember?"

Kara shook her head, concern in her eyes. "I remember going to the bar and...getting burgers?" She looked at Lena, a question in her eyes. "And I remember falling asleep holding you."

"You don't remember anything else?" Lena asked carefully, her heart dropping. _Boxes, Lena. Keep your emotions off your face._

"No, should I?"

Lena bit her lip. "You don't remember what you told me."

Kara's eyes widened. "What did I tell you?"

Lena could feel her walls crumbling down, the smile on her face at the sight of Kara turning into a frown. To finally have what she wanted, then to have it ripped away—the universe couldn't be that cruel. "Have you talked to Alex or Maggie yet?" She changed the subject.

Kara's eyebrows knit. "Yeah, actually. I got a cryptically passive-aggressive text from Maggie this morning. She wants to talk but didn't say what it was about."

"I know what it's about." Lena drew a circle in the sand. She added two dots and another line and it turned into a frowny face.

"Well, are you going to tell me or..." Kara trailed off as Lena's fingers twitched, ruining her drawing. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine." Lena stood up, brushing the sand off her slacks. The ocean breeze picked up and she zipped her jacket up trying to block out her memories of being tortured.

"So what did I do last night?" Kara asked, walking towards the water. She started skipping stones, careful to dial down her strength.

Lena hung back. She couldn't get any closer to the water; she was barely hanging on to reality as it was. "You and Alex got into a fight."

"Over what? I'm guessing Jeremiah," Kara said flippantly, tossing another rock out to sea.

"Winn, too."

Kara's wrist flicked a little harder than necessary and the stone flew over the waves before skipping out of sight. She had felt hollow while she was running but the same guilt she had been carrying around since Winn's death was still there, a pressure behind her eyes, a tightness in her chest. "She knows I'm mad at her. We've said horrible things to each other before."

"This time was a little different," Lena said. She didn't know if it was her place to tell Kara so she hesitated. "Maybe you should call your sister," she said, a hint of warning in her tone.

Kara must have heard it because she turned around, a hard expression on her face. "I know being drunk around Alex was a dick move but I don't want to talk to her right now."

"You should still call her. I'll give you some privacy." Lena gauged Kara's reaction then walked back to the car, trying to ignore the waves pounding the shore. A glance back at Kara showed the blonde woman pacing back and forth with her phone at her ear. She looked so small against the background of the ocean and Lena sighed. She knew the exact moment Alex answered the phone because Kara's head tilted. She watched them talk for a while then reached for her keys, taking her eyes off Kara for a moment. A howl made her jerk back around and her eyes shot open.

Kara was on her knees, screaming. The waves and the wind were doing a good job of tearing the sound from her throat but it was such a pained yell that it reached Lena's ears. White-hot beams were shooting from her eyes, melting the sand and evaporating the waves in front of her. Lena was frozen, shocked at the young woman's power—Kara was fighting the sea, and she was winning. Any water that came near her turned into steam in seconds; the sand was crystallizing into glass under the extreme temperature.

Snapping out of her shock, Lena ran towards the storm of fire and water. "Kara!" The noise was enough to startle Kara because her entire frame tensed then exploded into motion as she took off over the water, spraying Lena with sand. Breathing hard, Lena reached the crater where Kara had been crouching moments before. The phone lay in pieces beside chunks of glass and she gathered it up with shaking hands. _There's no hiding now, Kara Zor-El._ Picking up a chunk of glass, she inspected the sides, thinking of her elementary science classes.

" _Sand melts into glass at one thousand six-hundred and fifty degrees Celsius. What is that in Fahrenheit? Yes Lena?"_

" _Three thousand and two."_

" _Very good. Someone's been doing their homework. Now..."_

A glint caught her eye and Lena bent down. Kara's glasses were lying in the sand and she wiped them off, hanging them on her collar. Shivering in the cold air, Lena thought she could see Kara out over the water and she sighed, shoving the glass into her pocket. _What am I going to do with you?_

* * *

"Why am I not surprised that you've gone and broken your ribs again?" Sam huffed, walking up to Alex. "I have a job, you know. How Lena gets anything done running after you two is a question for the ages."

Alex smiled guiltily. "Hey Sam. Long time no see."

Sam held her phone up with an annoyed air. "You summoned me?"

"I didn't call you," Alex said, confused.

"I got a text to meet you at the DEO."

"That was me." Alex turned to see J'onn striding through the doors. "I wanted to make sure Alex was in good hands during such an emotional time, and her sister isn't available."

Sam snorted. "Great. So I'm just the dog kennel?"

J'onn's crossed his arms. "No, you're a trusted friend that I'm asking to watch over Alex."

"I don't need watching over. And it's a joke, J'onn." Alex stood up, trying not to put too much pressure on her leg.

Sam narrowed her eyes and stepped forward. She pushed Alex back, her palm hitting the agent's right shoulder squarely.

"Watch it!" Alex grimaced. "I just dislocated that."

Eyeing J'onn, Sam sighed. "I'll take her."

"Thank you, Ms. Arias. I'll send the doctor up shortly." He left, Alex glaring at the back of his head.

"Do I even want to know?"

Alex's face fell. "I got in a fight with my sister," she mumbled.

Sam raised her eyebrows, speechless. "Your sister," she said after a moment. "The one who's made out of steel? Who could literally punch or laser her way through a building in ten seconds flat? That sister?"

Alex nodded, wincing. "That's the one. I can't say I didn't have it coming."

"I suppose not." Sam tapped her chin. "You two have the weirdest relationship, I swear to god."

"I'd die for her. Nothing weird about that."

"It is if she's the one killing you," Sam gestured to Alex's body. Right then the doctor walked in, an older-looking woman whose judgmental expression was focused on Alex.

"Back for more, Danvers?"

"Save it, August," Alex groaned. "I know what you're going to say."

August shook her head. "And yet you never listen and I see your name in my paperwork every week."

"Preach."

"Shut up, Arias." Alex exhaled sharply. "Quit poking around!"

"If you didn't wrestle crocodiles on a regular basis then maybe your ribs would be stronger," August said critically.

"Whatever. Can I go?" Alex was growing impatient.

The doctor looked her over once. "No matter what I say, you're going to anyway. I'm only supposed to let you go if she's watching you," she glanced at Sam, "But you'll end up right back here, just like always. Let me at least finish my exam."

"You suck."

"You're stupid," August shot back, bending Alex's knee. The agent let out a yell and slammed her fist into the chair.

"Jesus! A little warning would've been nice."

"Your knee is sprained. Did you go for a run afterwards?"

Alex growled, waiting for the pain to fade. "I walked my dog."

"I swear, it's like watching over a child," August said to Sam.

"Don't get me started." Sam was on her phone but smiled at the screen. "Her shoulder's messed up too."

"I already got it back in the socket!"

"So you're saying it was out of the socket at some point recently?" August walked over to a cabinet and brought out a sling and a brace.

"Come on, can I skip this? I'll be fine in a few days. I have to help track down the Cadmus agents, they're still out there."

"Alex, listen to the nice doctor lady or I'll have you handcuffed to the bed," Sam said without looking up.

With a withering stare, Alex let the doctor put the brace on. When she held out the sling, Alex fastened it herself, still glaring at her. "You're the worst, August."

"I'm also the reason your body hasn't fallen apart, so a thank you would be nice," the older woman put her hands on her hips.

"Fine. Thank you. Can I go now?" Alex said petulantly.

August wrote something down in her charts and sighed. "I guess you can go. Keep the braces on or I'll tell J'onn to bench you for two weeks."

"Like that'll stop her," Sam snorted. Alex was already walking out of the med bay and she nodded to the doctor. "Thanks for trying." She rounded the corner and stopped short when she heard a sob. "Alex?" The agent was leaning against the wall trying to hold back tears, her chest shaking with the effort. "Alex," Sam sighed. "You don't have to be so tough all the time."

"She hates me, Sam. She wanted to kill me, I could see it in her eyes," Alex choked out.

Sam rubbed her back gently. "She doesn't hate you. She just needs time to process. She knew Winn wasn't ever going to wake up, deep down she understands why you did what you did. But you didn't give her any warning. You didn't give her a chance to say goodbye."

"I was afraid of losing my father!" Alex sobbed, pressing her arm to her chest. Everything hurt, even the parts of her that weren't broken. "He didn't have time for me to argue with her, he was dying right in front of me!"

"She knows that too, Alex. You just have to give her time." Sam's expression was sad. The woman in front of her was a mess; faced with an impossible decision she had taken the only way out and now she was paying for it. They stood in silence until Alex's sobs quieted. "Let's go get some food in you," Sam said in a motherly tone. She thought of Ruby and for a moment was glad she'd sent her daughter away, glad she didn't have to see any of this.

Alex collected herself, sniffling. "If you tell anyone I cried, I'll kill you."

"You can't even hold a gun properly since you _dislocated your shoulder_ , how would you kill me?"

"I could kill you with a paper clip four different ways," Alex said as the wave of emotion passed. "I can't eat anything right now."

"Fine, then we'll go to my office." Sam put an arm around Alex and headed for the door. "Come on. It's unofficially take your kid to work day."

* * *

Kara raised her hand to knock on the door then hesitated. She didn't know what to say to Lena; there was no way her girlfriend hadn't seen her lose it but Kara had already spent all afternoon and the better part of the evening avoiding going back to the motel room. She had walked past Jack and the man nodded to her.

"Lena's ordered dinner on her own. I can have something sent to you."

Kara had smiled but declined, her stomach in knots. How did you tell your girlfriend that you had been lying to her since the moment you met? How did you tell her that you decided to go into a relationship knowing it was founded on a lie? And how, when your girlfriend was a Luthor, did you make it seem like lying was a good thing to do?

 _Just do it, Kara._ Before she could stop herself she knocked twice.

"Coming!" Lena called out. "Is that my dinner, Jack?" The door opened and their eyes met. "Kara."

Kara swallowed, her throat dry. "Hi. I—"

Before she could get the words out, Lena pulled her into a hug. "I was so worried about you!"

"About me?"

"Who else would I be worried about?" Lena held her at arm's length. "Are you alright?" Her face was the picture of concern, not even a hint of anger or disappointment.

Kara opened her mouth to answer, excuses and explanations running around her head, but the only noise that came out was a sob. She fell into Lena's arms and the brunette caught her, pulling her inside.

"Oh, Kara. I went back to the car and then you were gone! Where did you run off to?"

"Run...off?" Kara sniffled, pulling away. "I..."

"So I came back here and told Jack to keep an eye out for you. He should be coming by with dinner soon," Lena continued, ignoring Kara's stunned expression. "I'm afraid we have to cut this vacation short. Sam says I have to meet with a client tomorrow and they're only in town for a couple of days."

Kara wiped her tears away surreptitiously. "Oh, okay. I just thought...I mean, I—"

"Disappeared on me again? Didn't text me to let me know you weren't kidnapped?" Lena said, raising an eyebrow. She had decided not to say anything yet, to keep her pain to herself. Kara already had so much on her plate she didn't want to add to it. "Also, I got a call from J'onn. Jeremiah's been asking for me."

"For you?" Kara couldn't keep up. She had been ready to bare her soul but Lena was acting like it was business as usual. A knock at the door made her turn to see Jack with a takeaway container of Subway's.

"Dinner?"

Lena stepped past her and hugged him. "Thanks, Jack. You're the best." He smiled and left, closing the door behind him and Lena held the food out to Kara. "I got you some dinner."

Kara shook her head. "I'm confused. You're not mad?"

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm furious that you drag me all the way out to the beach—which I don't like—and then your ass disappears on me. Don't worry, I'll get you back for that," Lena said, tucking into the sandwiches. "But no. I'm not really mad. Is there something I should be mad at you for?"

Crossing her legs, Kara sat down on the bed. "No. I mean, I don't think—I mean," she cleared her throat, "I just thought you would be mad."

Lena tossed her the bag of food. "Nope. But you're driving, let's go. I have work to do." She looked around to see if they were forgetting anything and her hand drifted to her pocket. "Here are your glasses, by the way." She held them out and Kara's eyes widened. She had completely forgotten about them and she turned away, shoving them back on.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Let's hit the road." Lena pulled her hair up into a bun and followed Kara out, taking a last look at the motel room. Right there on that bed Kara had said her true name just last night. _Kara Zor-El._ Her phone buzzed and she glanced down at the text from Sam.

 _Get your butt back here. Alex Danvers is a headache and a half._

Groaning, Lena shut the door on her little haven and hurried to the car.

* * *

Two weeks passed. Two weeks of Kara growing more and more withdrawn, retreating from the world as the funeral date neared. She didn't smile at people, she didn't speak to her sister, she barely answered Lena when her girlfriend asked her a direct question. She didn't eat, she didn't sleep, she walked the halls at Cat Co. like a zombie. She didn't suspect Lena knew anything and she wasn't there enough to ask. Finally, the day came when she couldn't avoid it any longer.

Everyone was quiet. The air smelled stale and seemed to settle over the room like a blanket. Sitting in the corner, Lena watched as the room filled up, everyone that had befriended Winn at some point or another. A few people had sad smiles on their faces while they made small talk but most of them were somber, drawn. A man in a suit came out of a side room, his face tired.

"Immediate family of Winslow Schott?"

No one stepped forward then the crowd parted to reveal Kara. Alex hung back; her arm was out of its sling but she still walked with a limp, the brace on over her work suit. The man nodded and let Kara pass, her blonde hair standing out against so much black. Lena's heart cracked but she let her go on her own; saying goodbye was something personal that Kara should have to herself. She watched the people mill around then Kara came back out, her eyes red.

"The service will begin upstairs," the man announced. People climbed the stairs slowly, no one eager for the coming events. Alex, Maggie, Sam and Lena all sat in the front row. J'onn stood at the podium, his arm around Kara. He murmured something in her ear and she nodded, taking a seat next to Lena. Lena reached over and took her hand, squeezing it tightly.

"In the short time I knew Winn, he proved himself to be a valuable agent," J'onn started. "His analytical mind was capable of things I couldn't even grasp, things like math and science and comic-con." The room chuckled. "I also got to know him as a strong, brave young man. It is beyond heartbreaking, but no shock to know that he died saving others. I hope he watches over us all until we join him." He put his hand on the casket, his jaw clenching. "I'll miss you, brother."

He sat down and Alex took his place. She had clearly been crying and the cuts on her face were only halfway healed. Kara looked down at her hands. _The same hands that did that to my sister._

"Winn was a pain in my ass," Alex started. "I would ask him to reboot my computer and he would build me a new one from parts in two days. I would try to do card tricks with him and he could never pick a card, always trying to explain the chances of me getting it right no matter how many times I tried explaining to him that it was just a trick, and I wasn't going to get the right card anyways." She saw the corner of Kara's mouth turn up and closed her eyes. "He was the brother I never had," she said in a clear voice. "He was always looking out for me and my sister, always yelling at us when we would act recklessly or doing something stupid—which was often, in my case. He was the voice of reason literally talking into my ear. He was also the kind of person who wouldn't want us to dwell on his death or his sacrifices. He would want us to keep going. And for everything he's given me and everything I've accepted from him—" she shot a glance at her sister but Kara was too busy wiping tears away to look at her— "I want to say thank you. For every piece of technology, every late night he stayed up helping me, every time he gave me good advice, every time his bad jokes would lighten the mood. Thank you for everything." Her head hung down and she sat back down next to Maggie, hiding her tears.

Kara let go of Lena's hand and slowly walked to the front. She cleared her throat but when she spoke her voice was still hoarse.

"I lost my family when I was younger. My father, my mother, my younger brother. When I was older, my adopted father was killed on a mission." She caught her breath, staring at Lena. The brunette was looking at her with concern in her eyes. "I have experienced loss enough times to know that you can get through it. But this one hits harder than anyone could have imagined." She sniffled, pausing. "Right now, this one feels like I'll never get through it." Someone slid into the back of the room and Kara froze, feeling ice in her veins. _Jeremiah._ He stared back at her and she heard his heart beating in his chest. _Winn's heart._ She looked back at the assembly, nausea washing over her. Butterflies started in her stomach and her hands clenched around the edges of the podium, the wood cracking under the pressure. "I'm sorry—I-I have to go," she muttered, running from the room. She stumbled blindly, making her way to the door and blinking in the bright sunlight.

"Kara!" Lena had followed her out and she caught up with her. "Kara, it's okay. I'm here."

Two more people filed out after her and Kara saw her sister. "Get away from me," she said breathlessly, glaring at her sister. She felt Lena's hand on her arm. "Lena, tell her to leave me alone. Take him away from here." Jeremiah was right behind Alex, his hands out.

"I know this is strange for you," he said gently.

"You wouldn't know anything about it," she spat, pulling her arm away from Lena's grasp.

"I came here to apologize. You know this is not what I wanted," Jeremiah pleaded.

"Kara, maybe you should let him say his piece," Lena said quietly.

Kara turned on her. "Not you, too," she said incredulously. "I don't believe this. You can't be on their side."

"There's no sides in a situation like this, darling," Lena said in a sad tone. "Alex didn't have a choice."

"Alex did have a choice!" Kara exploded, "And she chose not to ask me!" She was seeing red and shaking with anger and confusion and hurt. "I'm not you, Lena! I'm not used to being betrayed by my family! I'm not a Luthor."

There was a tense silence only broken by Alex sucking in a breath. Lena was staring at Kara, her mouth slightly open and Kara burst into tears. She tore her jacket off and threw it down, running away from the church. She panted, her breaths choking her as she cried and ran, trying to put as much distance between herself and the funeral as possible. She pushed past people on the street who yelled after her in concern, sprinted across roads without looking out for cars, their horns blaring in her ears. She tore her hair out of its neat braid and let it fly behind her, crashing through the doors at the DEO and turning at random until she saw an empty room. Forcing the door open she collapsed on the floor, crying.

 _Everyone hates me. I ruined the funeral, I attacked my sister, I yelled at Lena. I'm worthless._ _Worthless._

The butterflies that had started at the funeral home flew around her stomach, turning her insides. She clenched her abs in a vain effort to dispel the feeling but the hunger remained, hunger for...for what? She looked around through her haze of tears and grabbed the object nearest to her—a locked box that she threw against the wall. It broke open with a crash and she recoiled, feeling the burn of kryptonite in her blood.

 _Worthless_.

She inched closer, feeling the pain increase with every movement. When she was sitting next to it she picked up the chunk of kryptonite with a morbid fascination. It burned her hand and she hissed but tightened her grip.

 _Worthless._

Pressing the sharp edge of the rock against her wrist, she drew it across quickly, hissing again as it opened up her skin. She watched her blood drip out and felt a wave of relief.

 _Worthless._

Moving her hand she started another cut. It went deeper and deeper and when pain radiated through her body, her hand jerked, splitting her arm open more than she'd meant to. That was the catalyst and she abandoned caution, slashing haphazardly at her arms. With every cut she inflicted the butterflies lessened, the empty nausea she was carrying around subsided. Switching the kryptonite to her other hand she saw the hole it had burned into her palm with an absentminded air but she was already cutting through her right arm. Blood spattered onto her clothes, soaking into the black.

 _Worthless._

Tears were streaming down her face and an inhuman noise was coming from her throat but she kept going, the feeling of her skin burning releasing the tension in her chest, the discomfort in her belly. _Worthless. Worthless. Worthless._ She fell on her back, her limbs heavy, and the kryptonite rolled out of her hand. Her eyes closed.

Someone knocking at the door brought her out of her haze but the noise was muffled. Her ears were full of water, she was drowning but she welcomed it. Her head was sinking under the waves, under the waves and down into the depths of the ocean where she couldn't hurt anyone but herself. _Worthless._ As though from a distance she heard the door open and she groaned. _Leave me alone._

"Kara?" A gasp cut the air and she heard footsteps pounding the ground. "KARA!" The voice yelled, despair and agony cutting through the fog in Kara's head.

 _Alex._ She tried to sit up but her body wouldn't listen to her. It took a huge effort just to open her eyes to slits but the room was spinning wildly above her and she snapped them shut, groaning.

"Kara! Open your eyes!" Alex demanded, her knees hitting the ground. The brace did little to absorb the shock but she couldn't feel it, her body was numb. Her little sister was lying on the ground in a pool of blood, a pool of blood that she'd made herself. "Kara, WAKE UP!" she screamed, pulling her into her lap. Kara's hair was matted with blood. It dripped down onto the floor and Alex thought she was going to be sick. "Kara, if you die right now I will _never forgive you!_ "

"I'm sorry," Kara tried to say but it came out as a groan. She opened her eyes and her vision blurred. Alex's desperate face greeted her, worry knitting her brows.

"Kara, stay awake. You're going to be fine." Alex heard someone behind her but didn't spare a glance at the doorway, her eyes focused on her sister.

"J'onn and Maggie are finishing up the—" Lena gasped, her hand on the door frame.

"Get help!" Alex yelled at her. "There are tools—laced with kryptonite—go!" She turned back to Kara. "Kara, say something." She hugged her sister to her chest.

Kara raised her head, blood-loss making her exhausted. She tried to sit up; her stomach turned at the scent of blood and the nausea returned in full force. Alex had to hold her hair back as she heaved; there was nothing in her stomach but bile and she retched several times before collapsing back into Alex's arms, the older Danvers locking her in an iron grip. "Cold," she mumbled.

"Kara, I'm sorry, I'm—please don't die, Kara. Stay with me." Tears hit Kara's face but Alex didn't wipe them away. "Kara, please don't go. I love you." She kissed her sister's forehead feeling her blood soaking through her clothes. "Oh my god, oh my god KARA!"

Lena slid back into the room breathing heavily. She felt the exact moment she dissociated and snapped her fingers in Alex's face. "Let me at her."

Alex looked up in disbelief. "I'm not letting her go."

"I'm trying to help her. She's losing too much blood," Lena said firmly. "Get her on the table." The two of them lifted Kara up, her arms still dripping blood. Her thoughts were fuzzy and she couldn't make out Lena's expression as she felt the table come up to greet her but she raised a heavy arm. Lena caught it and laid it flat, cutting the sleeve off. "Alex, distract her," she commanded, threading the needle.

Alex leaned over Kara, blocking out the sight of Lena sewing her sister back together. "Hey, baby girl. Look at me." She felt Kara jerk underneath her as the needle entered her skin but pressed her into the table. "It's me. It's Alex."

"Alex?" Kara's voice was hoarse. "I'm gonna be sick," she said faintly and Lena stepped back while Kara heaved. Nothing came up the second time but Alex held her hair back, murmuring comforting things in her ear. When she rolled over again Lena wasted no time getting back to work. "I'm tired," Kara mumbled.

"That's okay, but you can't go to sleep," Alex said, desperate to keep her sister talking. "You have to stay awake, like when we were kids and we had to wait until mom and dad were asleep to go flying."

"Dad?" Kara's face twisted and Alex kicked herself.

"Hey, what about a game, huh? Let's play a game. I'll say something and you say the first thing that pops into your mind. I'll start. Ice cream."

Kara closed her eyes. "Vanilla."

"Good. Keep going. White."

"Clouds."

"Okay," Alex wracked her brain. "Oceans."

"Boats." Kara's voice was getting quieter and Alex shook her by the shoulders.

"Come on, Kara. Let's try again. Office."

"Boss," Kara said with renewed vigor as Lena finished stitching up her left arm. She switched places with Alex and started on the other arm, her fingers slippery with blood.

"Boss. Uh, Lena."

"Beautiful," Kara whispered, opening her eyes.

Lena glanced up and met her gaze, swallowing. _Task at hand, Lena_. She looked back down and pulled the needle through Kara's skin, careful to keep her hands steady.

"Kara," Alex said, brushing the hair away from her sister's face.

"Worthless."

"You are not worthless," Alex said adamantly, angrily. "You are stronger than this, Kara. Wake up. You're better than I am, you can survive this."

"You ruined the game," Kara said, her eyes darting around. She couldn't see Lena as she bent over her arm, tying off the last of the sutures. "I don't want to survive this."

"Shut up. You're going to be fine," Alex said as Lena locked the kryptonite away. She picked up the chunk of kryptonite covered in Kara's blood and locked it away too, setting the box down. "See? All better. You just need to get cleaned up a little." She looked at Lena. "Can you get her clothes? There are some extras where you got the tools."

Lena nodded wordlessly, disappearing out of the room. She felt like she was taking a backseat but Alex was what Kara needed right now. Not some Luthor who would lie to her face about knowing her secret, not Lena. Finding the clothes and a few towels she ran back to the room, closing the door behind her.

Alex had gotten the blood-stained shirt off her sister and took a towel from Lena, wiping Kara's face off first. She rinsed her arms with antibiotic wash and dried them gently, afraid to start them bleeding again. "We have to get her under a sun lamp," she said gruffly, easing the clean tee shirt over Kara's head. "And in about an hour we'll need to take the stitches out."

"Alex? It's J'onn." A man's voice at the door.

Alex's head shot up. "I need your help." He entered and took in the scene.

"What do you need?"

"Sun lamp," Alex said shortly. J'onn picked Kara up easily, heading for the med bay. Alex followed him out leaving Lena alone in the room with Kara's blood.

She felt a little shell-shocked. This event had seemingly come out of nowhere—Kara had been going through a hard time but she hadn't let on that she wanted to...

 _Die. She wanted to die._

 _No, that's not true. You saw the cuts. You know she just wanted a release._

 _You don't know anything._

A lump rose in her throat and she held her hands up, staring at the crimson blood that gloved them. Kara's blood. _"I'm not used to being betrayed by my family. I'm not a Luthor."_ She swallowed past the lump in her throat, feeling entirely alone.


	34. 34) Fallout

Alex tilted her head back, the burn of the scotch a welcome release. It was the day after the funeral and Kara still hadn't woken up, slow to recover from self-inflicted wounds. Alex had spent the night crying by her bedside and when the sun rose she found herself at the bar stool, no idea how she'd gotten there.

"Mike." She nodded to the bartender and he filled her up.

"Where's the rest of the trio?"

"What?" Alex said distractedly, her eyes on the glass.

"You know, the hot blonde and brunette that came in here the other night with you. You're hot too—hence, trio." He smiled at her.

"Are you trying to flirt with me?" She eyed him. He wasn't bad looking, but he was a man.

"Do you want me to flirt with you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No, cause you suck at it," she said rudely, sipping her drink.

"You just seem lonely, that's all," he said amicably. "I take back my banter."

"Good," Alex mumbled. She lifted the glass to her lips and another text from Maggie flashed on her phone screen.

 _What happened after the funeral? Where are you?_

She slammed the drink down with a curse, splashing it over her hand. "Fuck."

"You know," Mike said as he wiped the bar down, "I've always found talking to be a good way to get something off my chest."

"Thanks for the advice." Alex ignored the text, wiping her hands off on her jeans. "I'll try it out and get back to you."

Mike nodded and cleaned the same spot on the bar, looking at her like he was waiting for something.

"The blonde's my sister."

He swapped the cloth for a bottle of tequila and uncorked it. "Kara mentioned you were her sister." Alex drained her glass and he filled it up.

"She's dating Lena Luthor. They're madly in love and it's sweet and super, super gay but I don't need a billionaire on my list of enemies right now," Alex complained, the alcohol slipping a slur into her voice. "And my girlfriend—" she glanced at her ring. "Fiancée, she's going through some shit right now."

"Maggie Sawyer. That trial?"

"What do you know about it?"

"I'm a bartender," Mike gestured around him. "People talk."

"Whatever," Alex said, too drunk to care. "Yeah. And every time she wakes up from nightmares I try to help her and I can't. _And_ ," she took a sip of tequila, not even tasting it, "One of our friends died. I killed him. I didn't really, but I took his heart and put it in my father's chest so he would live but I might as well have killed him. And my sister blames me for it. And then _she_ tried to kill _herself_. So that's me," she concluded, letting out a shuddering breath, thinking of how Kara looked lying on the hospital bed with her blood staining her skin.

Mike's eyes were wide by the time she finished. "That's...a lot. I'm sorry to hear about your sister." He put two shot glasses on the counter.

"Aren't you on the clock?"

"I own the bar. Who's gonna get mad at me?" They did a shot and he blew out a breath. "Jesus, that's strong."

"What are you doing running an alien bar, Mike?" Alex tapped the counter with her glass as her phone buzzed again. She rolled her eyes and turned it over. "Aren't most humans afraid of aliens?"

Mike did another shot and leaned against the counter. "Nothing I can't handle that I didn't see in Afghanistan," he said with a wink.

Alex raised an eyebrow. "War veteran. That's admirable."

"Yeah," he smiled. "I only have one leg. Left the other one in the desert with three of my buddies."

"Shit. Sorry," Alex mumbled.

"Don't be. I did my duty, I don't regret it." He nodded to her belt. "Did I see a badge?"

Alex unclipped it from her belt and tossed it onto the counter. "FBI," she said the old lie easily.

"Hardcore. You ever been shot?"

Alex nodded as her phone buzzed again.

"You ever have nightmares?"

"Don't we all?" She poured herself another shot.

He smiled sympathetically. "Does it help that your fiancée is there when you wake up from them?"

"I'm living my nightmare," Alex said sarcastically. An admonishing look from Mike made her sigh. "Yes."

"Then that's all she needs. Just be there for her."

"How'd you get to be so smart, Mike?" Alex said, impressed by his logic the way drunk people were impressed by the simplest tasks.

"Three tours and one divorce under my belt." He looked up as the door opened. "Hi, what can I get for you officer?"

"Absolutely nothing."

 _Fuck me._

Mike saw Alex's expression and winked at her. "Someone's in trouble."

"Shut up," Alex hissed, spinning around. "Hey, Maggie." She smiled, trying to stay nonchalant. "What brings you over to this neck of the woods?"

"You having a drinking competition with my girlfriend, Mike?" Maggie narrowed her eyes.

Mike held his hands up. "Just talking, ma'am."

"Ma'am?!"

"He's military, Mags. He's got respect burned into him."

"We've met. Guess you've been getting to know each other," Maggie said angrily. "What the hell happened, Alex?" She turned on the agent. "You all run out of the funeral and then I don't hear from any of you for almost a day."

Alex shrugged, a goofy smile on her face. "Well, you know what they say..." She frowned. "I don't know what they say."

"Get up, Alex. We're going."

"No. I don't want to."

"You know you're not supposed to be here." Maggie ran her hands through her hair. "It's almost nine, I'm tired, I'm hungry, I need a shower. Get up."

"I said no!" Alex shoved her arm away. "Leave me alone." Her words ran together.

Maggie looked at her disbelievingly then pulled out her phone, dialing a number.

"Hey, no, come on, don't call Kara. She's—she's busy." Alex tried to grab the phone from her but Maggie fended her off easily with one hand.

"I'm not calling Kara since she hasn't been answering her phone. Sam, hi." Maggie turned her back on Alex. "Can you help me with something?" She glared at Alex. "The usual spot. See you." Shoving the phone back in her pocket, she sat down. Mike had slid down the bar to clean up the other end, sensing that they needed some privacy. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, he slipped into the back room muttering something about inventory.

"Don't be mad."

Maggie sighed. "I'm not mad." The smell of alcohol was rolling of Alex in waves.

"You seem mad."

"I'm not. I'm just worried about you." She checked her watch and Alex examined her carefully.

"You look kinda sad," Alex pointed out, waving an uncoordinated hand at Maggie.

"You look kinda drunk," Maggie countered. "I need you to tell me what's going on." Alex closed her eyes and Maggie saw her knuckles turn white as she gripped her scotch glass. Her anger was a palpable, almost visible creature under her skin. "Alex?" Maggie said cautiously, seeing that she was close to losing it.

"Kara...she tried...herself," Alex said inaudibly.

"I can't hear you." Maggie scooted her chair closer. "What happened with your sister?"

Alex shook her head and buried herself in her drink.

"She tried to kill herself."

"Sam!" Maggie stood up almost knocking the stool back. "What?!"

Sam hugged her, several inches taller in her heels. She had come straight from the office and had just gotten off the phone with Lena. Kara's girlfriend had called her in tears and told her what happened and shortly after Maggie had called her. Normally one to work through holidays and birthdays, Sam had hurried over. She had been nervously awaiting the fallout of the funeral at work, sitting in front of files and documents and not seeing any of them.

"I guess someone told you," Alex mumbled into her glass.

"You got that right." Sam put a hand on Alex's shoulder. "You should be with your sister," she said gently.

"I was with my sister. I was with her until she stopped bleeding and then I needed to get out of there, I needed fresh air, I needed—"

"You needed a drink," Sam said in an understanding tone. "You had one. Now it's time to go back to the DEO and make sure Kara's not alone when she wakes up."

Alex shook her head feeling tears coming on again. "Trust me, if she needs someone right now it's not me."

"She might not know it but you are exactly what she needs. And after everything that's happened, if she wakes up and you aren't there, you are going to regret it."

"I have so much regret it won't matter at this point." Alex said but she stood up on unsteady legs.

"What do _you_ need?" Maggie asked from behind Sam.

Alex shut her eyes tight, swallowing the urge to vomit. She hadn't eaten enough in the last few days to be able to handle her usual drinking, especially after such a long period of sobriety. She crouched down, her head between her legs, bile rising in the back of her throat. When she was sure she wasn't going to puke, she stood back up. "I'm good," she said to Maggie and Sam's concerned expressions. "Coffee. I need coffee."

* * *

Kara woke up to see Alex sitting by her side. "How did I end up here?" she said groggily, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Pain shot through her arms and she glanced down, gasping in shock at the healing, jagged scars. "Oh."

Alex was on her feet in an instant, taking Kara's hand in her own. "You're okay. Do you...do you remember what happened?"

"You look like you've been crying...Lena, where's Lena?" She sat up too suddenly and her stomach clenched as everything spun; Alex grabbed a trash can just in time for Kara to throw up. It was mostly water and she wiped her mouth, grimacing.

"I just sent her home, she hasn't slept. You've been out all day."

"Day?" Kara's eyes widened. "What time is it?"

"Four in the afternoon. The day after the funeral."

"Shit."

Alex bit her lip. "That about sums it up."

"You should've just let me—"

"None of that," Alex cut her off. "At the end of the day, you are the most important person in my life. You really think I'm going to let you pull a stunt like that and get away with it?"

Kara looked at her sister, tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered, her lip trembling.

Alex pressed her forehead against Kara's. "Me too, baby girl. Me too." She had eaten a bagel to soak up all the alcohol and poured coffee down her throat until she was sure the taste of tequila was out of her mouth.

Realization crashed down around her and shame settled in its place. "I have to go see Lena. She must hate me, the things I said..." Kara said quietly.

"I think Lena will forgive you," Alex said with a sad smile. "She's the one who fixed you up."

"Oh." Kara's breath whooshed out. "Fixed up, as in..."

"As in she used a needle made with kryptonite to sew your skin up," Alex said, watching Kara's face drop.

"Oh," she repeated. "I have to go see her."

"Not until you rest more." Alex pushed her back into bed, ignoring the twinge in her knee. "Doctor's orders, J'onn's orders and my orders."

Knowing it was no use arguing, Kara nodded. They sat in silence, Kara trying to look anywhere but her arms. "Are you okay?" she broke the silence.

Alex made a face. "Me? You're worried about me?"

Kara gave her a small smile. "I mean, you did pick a fight with the Girl of Steel."

"Please, I can handle myself in a fight," Alex said jokingly. Their laughter subsided and Alex smiled, glad she and Kara were getting along again. Glad she had sobered up enough in a few hours that her sister couldn't tell anything was off. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." She held out her hand.

Kara linked their fingers together. "I'm sorry I almost killed you."

"Don't apologize to me—"

"Too bad." Kara pushed herself up, her face twisting as the motion pulled at her healing scars. "I'm going to. I'm sorry I blamed you for everything." She met her sister's eyes and let out a sigh. This was Alex, this was her sister. She didn't need to put on a brave face for her sister, who knew her better than anyone, who would see right through her anyway. She didn't need to be the Girl of Steel, the hero in the cape. "I'm sorry. I felt like I couldn't talk to you, couldn't talk to anyone. Certainly not Lena. And the worst part is I can't remember it. I can't remember what I did to you and I can't remember what I said to Lena the night I got drunk. I feel like I'm letting everyone down and I hate this." Her voice raised at the end, her hands knotting in the blanket.

"Kara, calm down," Alex said in alarm as Kara's heart rate spiked. "It's me. You can tell me anything, you know that. And I've been there, remember? I'm no stranger to regretting drunken blackouts."

Fatigue washed over her and Kara realized how tired she was. "I feel so empty," she said, and the memory hit her. Sitting in Lena's car saying those exact words.

Alex's eyes darkened. She could see so much of her younger self in Kara and it hurt her heart. _I wanted so badly to protect her from this._ _From this emptiness that could only be filled by pain or booze or drugs._ "Scoot over." She slid under the covers, kissing her sister's forehead. "How about now?"

"Less empty," Kara admitted, putting her arms around her sister.

"Careful," Alex warned. "You're still healing."

"I'm always careful!" Kara said into Alex's shoulder. The familiarity of her sister lying next to her soothed the ragged edges of her heart and she squeezed tighter.

"Bullshit. That's like saying I'm never reckless."

"So you're admitting that you _are_ reckless?"

"Off the record," Alex quipped. She closed her eyes, her body sinking into the bed. "Don't forget to call Lena later," she murmured, relaxing for the first time in weeks.

"I'll try. I don't know if she wants to talk to me."

"She does."

Kara closed her eyes. "I'll call her when I get home," she said to herself.

"Good idea," Alex mumbled. A surge of protectiveness hit her and she turned, checking that her sister was, in fact, alright. "Kara?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry you felt so alone, and I'm really glad you didn't die."

"Me too," Kara yawned. "I forgive you." Her breathing evened out and she started to snore quietly.

Alex felt tears dripping down her face into Kara's hair and she let them fall. She had come so close to losing her little sister and it wasn't an alien attack or Alex making a mistake or a mission gone wrong. It was Kara herself who proved her undoing and that scared her more than anything. Even if she had been in the room she didn't know if she could've gotten Kara to stop. Kara, who had lost so much at such a young age but smiled at everyone she met. Kara, who was so gentle she wouldn't kill a spider when Alex told her to get rid of it. Kara, who, when someone cut her off in traffic always smiled and waved and let them go by because 'Maybe they're in more of a rush than I am.' Kara, who had felt so alone and so broken that she thought slicing open her skin was the only way out.

The urge to protect her sister was something ingrained in Alex, baked into the fibers of her being. But how did she protect her sister from herself? Kara deserved so much more than that; she deserved to fall in love and be happy and remain oblivious to the pain and sorrow that life had to offer. She was as human as human got; she hurt and she bled like anyone else and Alex couldn't bear it.

* * *

Kara opened the door to her apartment and tossed her keys onto the counter. She was tired and still recovering from what Alex was calling a 'mild suicide attempt'. She made a beeline for her fridge, stuffing a cold slice of pizza in her mouth and checking her phone. Six missed calls, five texts. Nothing from Lena. She hesitated, her finger hovering over Lena's name.

 _What do I say?_

 _She knows._

 _Time for more apologies._

Dialing, Kara finished off the pizza as the phone rang. An unmistakable buzz drew her attention and she walked over to her counter. Lena's phone was resting on it, a picture of Kara's face lighting up the screen. _She left her phone here?_

The light flicked on and Kara whipped around, her mouth full of pizza crust. Lena stood by the switch, her eyes puffy and bloodshot. She'd been crying all night and most of the day, wondering if Kara had finally snapped. If Kara had finally realized it didn't pay to love a Luthor.

Kara took one look at her disheveled appearance and melted. Lena was wearing Kara's pajamas and they were several inches too long. Her hair fell down in waves over her shoulders; she hadn't straightened it since the funeral. Her arms were crossed protectively in front of her like Kara was going to hurt her—which, in a way, she already had.

"What are you doing here?" Lena's voice rasped, her throat sore from crying.

"Looking for you," Kara said quietly. "What are you doing here?"

Lena sniffled. "I don't know," she said in a small voice, wiping her nose. Her eyes roamed Kara's body looking for bloodstains she knew weren't there. The image of Kara lying on the ground with her wrists slashed open had haunted every time she closed her eyes and she hadn't been able to get any sleep even after Alex sent her home, driving to Kara's apartment instead. She had fallen asleep in her girlfriend's bed, waiting for Kara to come home and kick her out. "I thought you were dead." Unable to stop herself, Lena started to cry. "I'm sorry." She stumbled forward and Kara met her halfway, pulling her onto the couch. Lena curled into a ball on her lap, crying into her shoulder. "Please don't leave me."

"Leave you? Lena, what—I'm the one who should be apologizing. I lied to you, I—"

"It's all my fault you tried to kill yourself. It's my fault Winn is dead," Lena sobbed. "He didn't know, I should've warned him, I never should have asked him to—to..." her words dissolved into tears as Kara rocked her. She sniffled, afraid to turn around. "It's okay if you hate me. I'd hate me too—I do. Hate myself."

Kara's heart was breaking and yet felt so full at the same time, full of relief and pain and joy. Lena didn't hate her. Lena was still here. Lena had waited for her. She forced Lena's head up, meeting the brunette's tear-streaked eyes. She smiled, at a loss for words. "You're a mess."

Lena laughed disbelievingly but the sound quickly gave way to tears. "That's all you have to say?"

"What else is there?" Kara wiped the tears off Lena's face. "None of this is your fault, Lena. You have to believe me."

"Winn would still be alive if it wasn't for me."

Kara shook her head, thinking of Alex's face when she had woken up. "It's nobody's fault," she said sadly. "You can't blame yourself for someone else's decision."

"He never would have attacked Jeremiah if he didn't have a weapon," Lena hiccuped, "And I gave him a weapon."

"It's not your fault. Would, could, should. He would have done the same thing, weapon or not. And I could've tried harder to get away from Jeremiah. And Alex should've shot at him through me. You can't change the past, Lee. You just have to keep going."

Lena stifled a sob, her fingers twisted in Kara's shirt. "I'm glad Alex didn't shoot you," she said into Kara's neck. "Even if you can only be hurt by kryptonite."

There was a moment of silence while Kara processed what she said. She reached up slowly so as not to startle Lena, her fingers resting on the frames of her glasses. She felt Lena take a shuddering breath but she didn't stop, sliding the glasses off her face. She felt like she was pulling back a curtain, opening a door that could never be closed again, even though Lena had seen her without her glasses before. Seen her a hundred times getting ready for bed, woken her up when Kara slept in late, watched her fall to pieces under her hands. Resting her glasses on the coffee table, she looked Lena in the eye.

Lena's red-rimmed eyes stared back at her. Her expression was sad and Kara bit her lip, already wishing she could put her glasses back on. She tried to look away but Lena caught her, cupping Kara's face with her hands. She was studying Kara's face like she'd never seen it before; the shape of her lips, the deep-set, blue eyes that looked back at her with apprehension and fear, the divot by her eyebrow. Lena couldn't tear her eyes away from Kara's face.

"Are you angry?" Kara whispered, hoping against hope, her heart beating through the iron bands around her chest. Lena was looking at her with so much compassion she felt like her lungs were being torn out of her body. Another tear dripped off Lena's chin and Kara caught it, shame burning her cheeks.

"I could never be angry with you."

The noise of relief that forced its way out left Kara's throat raw. Her face crumpled and she put her head in her hands as Lena hugged her to her chest. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I'm sorry I lied," she said, the words tripping over themselves. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean for this to get so out of hand but I could never find the right time and—"

"Kara, you don't have to explain yourself to me." Lena sat back against the pillows, Kara lying on top of her. "I promised myself a long time ago that if you ever said a word of apology, I'd forgive you." She smiled reassuringly, a small twitch of her lips.

"How long have you known?"

"A long time. It doesn't matter." Lena hooked her hair behind her ears, wiping the tears off her face. "Why do you wear them?"

Kara swallowed. "They're lined with lead," she explained. "Jeremiah made them for me before he...when I first got here. I couldn't control my powers, I kept seeing through things. So he made me these glasses to help me fit in," she finished. Her hands were gripping Lena's with a painful tightness but the brunette didn't object.

"Where is he?"

"Jeremiah? He's back at the DEO in containment. I saw him before I left."

Lena pursed her lips. "He still has part of the suit on him. I need to figure out how to get it off."

"No, you don't. It's not your problem anymore, Lena. He's fine, he's up and walking and talking. He'll stand trial and we will never have to see him again. He tried to kill you, Lena." A touch of anger colored her tone and Kara's eyes narrowed. "He tried to kill you, and I swear if he ever comes near you again I'll—"

"Don't look at me like that," Lena said softly, interrupting the blonde.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm everything. Like I'm your whole world. "

The infamous crinkle appeared on Kara's face. "You _are_ my whole world," she said simply. She leaned in to kiss her but Lena stopped her.

"Kara, people are always trying to kill me," Lena said bluntly. "Is this really what you want? To be loved by a Luthor? Because it might not be worth it, in the end, to be so forgiving."

"You can't be serious." Kara's lips quirked. "I am an _alien._ I lied to you for _months._ You might be the one who wishes she wasn't so forgiving."

Lena shook her head. "I wouldn't change a thing."

* * *

Later that night Kara woke up to the sound of Lena whimpering. Her girlfriend was moving around beneath her and Kara opened her bleary eyes. "Lena?" She tapped her shoulder. "Hey, wake up."

"No," Lena mumbled. She turned over, a sudden motion that sent Kara over the edge of the couch. She landed with a _thud_ and cursed, untangling herself from the blanket. Lena shivered in the sudden cold, still asleep.

"Lena, wake up. It's just a dream."

"No!" Her back arched and she let out a pained noise.

"Lena! Can you hear me?" Kara said desperately, kneeling by the couch and taking Lena's hand.

"Leave her alone!" Lena's voice raised and Kara flinched.

"Shhh, you're okay," she whispered as Lena's head jerked to the side, her hair hitting Kara's face.

"Kara," Lena said, her muscles taught. "Kara Zor-El."

Kara froze. "What?" She wasn't sure if she heard right.

"Kara Zor-El," Lena repeated. She let out a deep sigh and seemed to feel Kara's stare on her because her eyes opened a fraction of an inch. When she saw Kara kneeling over her she sat up. "Is everything okay?"

"You tell me," Kara said, still stunned. "You're the one having nightmares."

"Just my mother," Lena said in a voice thick with sleep. She shuddered, the feeling of bones snapping vibrating through her body. "I'm fine."

Kara pursed her lips, not saying anything.

"I'm less than fine," Lena admitted. "But I'll be alright."

"What did you dream about?" Kara asked shyly.

Lena didn't answer her, crumpling the blanket in her hands. The nightmare still had its grips on her and she couldn't vocalize it.

"I'll tell you what I dream about. I dream about the day my mother sent me away. Me and Clark. I dream about how scared I was in that pod, that I thought I was going to die all alone. I sometimes dream about how my family died with no one there to save them." Kara's honest, blue eyes were prying her soul open and Lena folded her hands together. She had yet to tell Kara the details of her torture, leaving the young woman to fill in the blanks.

"This isn't a dream right?"

"What do you mean?"

"You. You're real, you're her—Supergirl. Kara Zor-El."

Kara swallowed. It was the third time in as many minutes that she had heard her name from Lena's lips and it was doing something to her, peeling back layers and walls she didn't even know she'd been building up. "Yes," she said faintly. No one real had called her that in years, not since before Jeremiah's disappearance.

"I thought so." Lena blinked a few times and patted the couch. "Come snuggle." As Kara settled in her spot she sighed, not knowing where to start.

"You don't have to say anything you don't want to," Kara assured her.

"I need to move past it. And the best way to do that is to talk about it."

"I understand," Kara said seriously. She felt wide awake, concern for Lena buzzing through her veins. She watched the moonlight illuminate Lena's face as she decided what to say, counting the few freckles that dotted the brunette's skin.

"I'm sure it was no secret that my mother was the one who took me," Lena started in a low voice.

Kara nodded silently.

"She wanted me to help her kill every alien in National City—eventually every alien on the planet." _Now comes the hard part._ "She had her methods of...persuasion. She had her men beat me for hours, had that psychic go through every scrap of my brain. I went through so many delusions and hallucinations that I couldn't tell what was real anymore, my mind was playing tricks on me." A shuddering breath. "I thought the walls were closing in on me, that the sea would swallow me up forever and I would disappear into nothing at the bottom of the ocean. That no one was looking for me." Her heart fluttered and Kara put a hand over her chest trying to calm her down. "They tricked me into thinking I killed your sister. I got used to the sound of my own bones snapping, and every time I took a breath fire would shoot through my torso. I coughed up so much blood that I thought I should've..." Her voice died and Kara examined her face anxiously. Lena's eyes were dull with pain and Kara squeezed her hand.

"Hey. Come back to me," she said nervously but Lena didn't acknowledge her. "Lena?"

Lena heard Kara's voice but couldn't focus on it. Talking about what had happened had sent her right back to that tiny metal room, the floor slick with her blood and vomit. Her chest got tighter and her throat closed up as the men's taunting echoed in her ears. Her breaths turned into gasps that shook her whole frame and she tried to hang on to the feeling of Kara's arms around her but the room and the apartment were slipping away, torn away into the maelstrom of her broken mind. The broken mind she tried so desperately to hide from the rest of the world, but she didn't need to hide from Kara. Her chest heaved and spots danced in front of her eyes, the sounds of the city's night life fading into nothing.

A cold wind hit her face and she gasped. She sucked in breath after breath of cold air trying to claw her way back to Kara.

 _Not real. It's not real._ She felt like she was floating off into space.

 _No one will find me here._

 _I'm going to die._

"Lena, open your eyes." Kara's voice broke through the haze of pain and fear. Kara, always Kara, saving her. Bringing her back.

Lena whimpered. "I can't."

"Do you trust me?"

She hesitated, prying her eyes open in response and the first thing she saw was Kara's worried face, surrounded by the night sky. She heard a siren below her and peered over Kara's arm and what she saw took her breath away.

National City lay below her like a bizarre, miniature diorama. She could see a few cars on the road going by like ants, the lights on in her building, the Cat Co. sign far off in the distance. Planes were taking off from the National City airport and flying by right over her head. The harbor was a black pool of ink to her right and she felt giddy. She was above them all. She was watching an entire city below her and they had no idea she was there. _Is this how Kara feels, all the time?_ She opened her mouth to ask but other words forced their way out.

"Don't drop me."

Kara smiled widely and Lena felt a smile of her own breaking across her face. "I won't drop you," Kara said confidently. "And even if I did, I'd have plenty of time to catch you."

"They say flying is the safest way to travel."

"Flying is the _only_ way to travel."

Lena's mouth dropped open. "You stupid, stupid woman," she said disbelievingly.

"Excuse me?"

Shaking her head, Lena laughed. "I'm talking to myself. Is this what you meant when you said you flew to my office on a bus?"

Even in the dark Lena could see Kara blushing. "My mouth speaks before I think sometimes."

"And my heart decides before my brain does," Lena said with a smile. "What if someone sees us?"

"They won't."

Lena looked back down, feeling like a child again as she pointed out all the landmarks. "There's the zoo," she said happily. "I should donate some money, it's looking a little small."

"Whatever you say, baby."

"Baby?" Lena wrinkled her nose.

"I was trying it out," Kara frowned. "Too mushy?"

Lena pulled Kara's head down for a kiss. "It is just the right amount of mushy," she said with a smile. Kara's arms tightened around her and she deepened the kiss. "Kara, darling," Lena said breathlessly.

"Mmm?" Kara was kissing Lena's neck, her tongue running over her skin.

"You keep going higher and higher. It's cold."

Kara glanced down, the now-minuscule city barely visible through the clouds she had risen above. "Whoops," she grinned sheepishly. "I wasn't in control there." She flew back to her apartment, setting Lena down.

"I'd like to do that again sometime," Lena said, pulling Kara inside. "But maybe with a coat on." In one fluid motion Kara's pajama top was on the ground and Lena smirked as Kara's eyes widened. "And maybe not right now."

Kara's eyes fastened on Lena's collarbones and then her lips and she followed her girlfriend back to her bedroom.


	35. 35) Publicity Stunt

"Lena, I know you don't want to admit it but he's still in there." Sam hurried to catch up with her friend.

"It's too late. J'onn has already made the decision. He's going away to some DEO black site where they'll keep working on him until he dies and he'll never bother any of us again."

"Don't you think you're being a little too hasty?"

"I tried, okay? I tried to help him, Sam. He's too far gone." Lena turned on her heel and pushed into her old office. "You made some changes," she remarked, seeing a new painting on the wall.

"I added color. Does Kara know? Does Alex?"

"Kara knows. We weren't planning on telling Alex until afterwards." Leaning against her desk, Lena checked her phone. "What happened with that biohazard waste company from last week?"

"I'm meeting them at one. Wait, Lena—"

"Do you already have reservations somewhere because—"

"Lena, stop" Sam plucked the phone out of her hands and crossed her arms, waiting until Lena looked up at her.

"What?"

Sam exhaled. "You can't keep this from Alex. It'll ruin her. She could relapse."

"Kara said she'd handle it," Lena said distractedly. Her other phone rang and she answered it, Sam's exasperated glare following her movements. "Have her send it to me first. Because it's about me! I don't really have time to argue with you right now, just send it." She hung up and looked back at Sam. "What were you saying?"

"What is going on with you?" Sam's brows knit. "You're not on drugs or something, are you?" she asked seriously.

"It's something, alright," Lena muttered. She was thinking about the letters she'd found in a spare room of the Luthor mansion—letters her mother had written her, one every year for her birthday and never sent. She and Kara had been reading through them; the early ones were filled with anger, her mother didn't want her there, her mother thought she was a parasite on the family. As the years passed her mother accepted her, admitted she really was a Luthor, that she was destined for greatness. She wrote about how Lena seemed smarter than her brother but never realized her full potential, that she was afraid if Lena ever did join the cause she would surpass her son. "Don't worry about me, just get ready for that meeting."

Sam snapped her fingers in Lena's face. "Hello, no. I'm not going to that meeting until I know what your deal is. Is it Kara? Is it stress from work? Are you not getting enough sleep?"

"Kara is fine, I'm always stressed from work and I never get enough sleep," Lena dismissed her. Her phone rang in Sam's hand and Kara's face lit up the screen. "May I?" Sam gave up the phone with a concerned look on her face. "I figured you'd call."

"You can't read the article before I print it!" Kara objected.

"Of course I can." Lena checked her watch. "I'm guessing you're the reason I haven't gotten it yet."

"You're a genius," Kara said sarcastically. "Lee, if I'm publishing an article about you I don't want you to read it. That's called bias."

"It's called I own the company and I want to know what you're saying about me."

Kara groaned, sensing Lena digging her heels in. "It's just the interview that Eve did and I'm editing it. Let it go."

"Nope."

"You can read it like everyone else on Friday morning."

"Nope."

"I'll personally read it to you in bed," Kara pleaded, feeling herself giving in.

"Nope."

"The best I can do is give you a copy Thursday night."

Lena thought about it. "So you're saying worst case scenario is I hate it and I have to physically stop the printing press before it gets to the stands Friday morning?"

"You're impossible, you know that? You can have it on paper, just don't let anyone else read it," Kara sighed, acquiescing.

Lena smiled. "Thanks. I love you."

"I hate that you always win the arguments," Kara said in a soppy voice.

"If I won every argument you would've gotten out of bed at six today and your breakfast wouldn't have been an entire cold pizza," Lena pointed out.

"No one needs to be awake before the sun, especially not me. And I heated up the pizza!"

"With your _eyes._ Not the same as a conventional oven. I'll be over there around one and I better have that article in my hands by five past."

"I'll have it ready for you." Kara paused. "Still thinking about the letters?"

Lena pursed her lips. "We can finish them tonight. Sam's getting on my nerves, keeps asking me where my head is." She stuck her tongue out at her friend.

"You should tell her about them. She's known you longer than I have, I'm sure she'll have good advice. Ah, shoot I have a staff meeting that I forgot about. See you later, baby." Kara hung up before Lena could respond and she put the phone down, looking back at Sam.

"Remember my mother?"

"How could I forget."

Lena rolled her eyes. "Well she apparently wrote me letters on my birthday. Every year until she died."

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "That's...good news?"

"It's something," Lena said again. "I've been going through them with Kara. She's always full of surprises, my mother. A lot of it is her complaining about me _to me_ , but some of them actually have emotional depth. She wrote about my father's affair for my sixteenth birthday. Some girls get a sweet sixteen, I get the transcript to a Doctor Phil episode."

"At least you have something to hold on to," Sam said with a shrug.

"Patricia doesn't have a collection of diaries about you somewhere in that old barn?"

Sam shook her head. "I wouldn't know and I wouldn't care if she did. We had a normal relationship—I was a rebellious teenager and she kicked me out."

"That's hardly a normal relationship," Lena scoffed. "Don't tell me you're free of emotional baggage."

"My mother never tried to take over the world," Sam said, tilting her head, "So there's that. The smoke and mirrors of the Luthor household are a headache for everyone in it."

Lena nodded, her brain back in the DEO. "Smoke and mirrors," she echoed.

"That's what I said."

"Mirrors. Windows. What's the saying, eyes are the windows to the soul?" Lena closed her eyes. "You nasty, nasty woman."

"I get the feeling you aren't talking about Hillary."

"It's his eyes." Lena smacked her forehead. "The green—I've been working on the suit and I thought his brainwashing was something intangible, something I couldn't fix."

Sam put her hands on her hips. "English, Lena. I'm a finance woman not a quantum-physics-anatomy woman."

"It's a mechanical problem. It's not just the brainwashing, that can lessen over time. There's something in his eye, something that mimics the effects of red kryptonite but for humans. That's why—"

"Whenever his eyes glow he turns into a Cadmus-loving maniac?"

Lena nodded vigorously. "I have to examine him again before he leaves," she said, already dialing Kara's number. "I think I can fix it."

* * *

"Alex?" Maggie knocked on the bathroom door. "You've been quiet since you got home. Did something happen at work?" No response. "Alex, you're using all the hot water," Maggie complained, walking into the bathroom. "Oh." She gulped. "Hey."

Alex looked up at her. "Hey."

"Where are all those bruises from?"

Alex looked at her body. "Trained too hard with the recruits. That new guy, Perez, he really gave me a run for my money but he tapped out once I got him in a choke hold." She shifted her weight onto the balls of her feet and stretched.

"Why are you doing yoga in the shower?"

Alex grinned, a quick flash of teeth that Maggie had rarely seen rarely since the night Kara had tried to kill herself. "Everywhere else is cold."

"Then turn up the heat, put a sweater on. Don't downward dog in the tub with all the water dripping off you," Maggie said disapprovingly, her eyes glued to Alex's naked body. "It's incredibly hot but there are penguins somewhere with melting ice caps that are losing their homes." Alex pouted and Maggie's resolve weakened, her body responding similarly. "It's for a good cause," she said lamely.

Alex stood up, rivulets of hot water running down her chest. "What about the good cause of shower sex?"

"That is also...a good cause." Maggie shook her head. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Just peachy," Alex said, casually stepping out of the bathtub. "Are you coming in? I'm getting cold."

"You're getting water every where is what you're doing," Maggie said faintly. She let Alex pull her over the rim of the tub, her camisole clinging to her body as the shower pelted her skin. "Think of the penguins," she said as Alex peeled her soaked jeans down, shivering at the feeling of fingers trailing down her legs.

"Oh, I am definitely thinking about the penguins." Alex grinned up at her and Maggie closed her eyes. Her body was like clay in Alex's hands and she sighed, kicked off her pants.

"I still have to finish my report on—" Maggie lost her train of thought and she moaned, her hands braced against the walls of the shower. Her legs trembled and Alex growled into her body, turning the water up. "Faster," she panted, her shoulder blades coming together. "I want—"

"Alex, I—HOLY RAO!" A voice shouted from outside their bathroom door. "MY EYES."

Alex shot up almost hitting Maggie's chin with her head. "Kara?!"

"Kara, I told you to wear your glasses." An admonishing tone.

"Lena?!" Alex looked at Maggie, mortified. Maggie's jaw had dropped but she looked more annoyed than anything. She pushed her way out of the shower, wrapping a towel around her waist.

"Are you kidding me, Danvers?" Kara and Lena stood in her living room. Kara had a look of horror on her face and Lena was covering her mouth with her hand, stifling laughter at her girlfriend's expression. Maggie dripped water onto the floor, her feet cold against the wood. "You interrupted some grade A sex."

"Blech," Kara shuddered as Alex came out wrapped in a robe, her hair slicked back with water.

"I know I gave you a key but that was for _emergencies._ " Alex looked between the three of them, her face red from the heat of the shower and embarrassment.

"We knocked for a while but no one answered. And this is kind of an emergency."

" _Kind of_ an emergency doesn't warrant ruining my orgasm," Maggie said snarkily. Alex's face turned even redder and she pulled her robe around her.

"I said that to Kara just the other night," Lena chimed in, making Alex choke.

"Lena, did you want to die today because—"

"More importantly," Kara interrupted her sister with a glare at Lena, "My brilliant scientist girlfriend has figured out a way to help Jeremiah. And," she said, looking at Alex pointedly, "She's also convinced me that he may not be a lost cause."

Alex blew out a breath, shouldering her way in front of Maggie. "I knew it. I told you he was still in there."

Lena held out her hands. "I don't want to get your hopes up. I just thought you should know that if I fail, he'll most likely be sent away."

"Then don't fail," Alex said sharply. "You're a genius, you've said so yourself."

"I never actually said—"

"But you _are_ a genius. And I know you can fix this," Alex said with a hint of desperation.

"I'll try my best." Lena looked at her feet.

"Thanks for telling us," Maggie said genuinely, rubbing Alex's shoulder. "It means a lot."

Lena nodded and glanced at Kara. They had some sort of silent exchange and Lena took Maggie's arm, dragging her down the hall.

Alex sighed. "Thanks," she said to her sister once they were alone. "I know you didn't believe me about dad but he's in there, I know it."

"What makes you so sure? I still don't know if he'll be back to a hundred percent."

"He won't be. That's what we're here for," Alex said adamantly. "Lena's back and Cadmus kept her. You helped her."

Kara grit her teeth. "Don't remind me. She's just started sleeping through the night and she still has nightmares she doesn't wake up from. Jeremiah, he's..."

"He's my dad," Alex said quietly. "He's your dad, too."

Closing her eyes, Kara let out a sigh. "I know. I know he is. I was talking to Lena about him last night, going over her mother's letters. And I realized that if Lillian Luthor can still love her daughter then he must still love us." She opened her eyes and saw Alex fidgeting, and her expression softened. "I'm sorry I was such a jerk," she apologized. "I was just so mad at him for hurting Lena, for hurting you. I didn't want to see you get your heart broken again. I thought if I stayed detached I could do what needed to be done."

"And could you?"

Kara shook her head. "I was just afraid of losing another part of my family," she said sadly. "When I first came here, I was all alone. Then it was the four of us; you and me, and mom and dad. Then I grew up and my family got bigger and Jeremiah was gone, but it didn't change the fact that you were the first family I had found after everything I knew was gone. It didn't change the fact that Jeremiah had welcomed me into his home knowing almost nothing about me except what I could do. And if I've learned anything since I landed on this planet, it's that you never turn your back on your family." Kara smiled sadly. "If I could go back and force my mother to get in that pod with me, I would. I would do everything I could to save her. So that's what we'll do for dad."

Alex swallowed past the lump in her throat and swept her sister into a hug. "I was so afraid that you would send him away. That you would give up on him and not tell me until it was too late."

"I almost did," Kara admitted. "You're lucky Lena changed my mind." She bit her lip. "Can I ask your opinion on something?"

Alex stepped back. "Anything."

"There's an article coming out tomorrow about Lena. An interview that Eve did with her last week."

"Okay, what's the problem?"

"She read through the interview. Which doesn't really matter but I had Eve add in a little something I did with her at the end, something I didn't give to Lena."

"You lied to a Luthor?" Alex's eyes widened. "I'm so proud of you."

"Alex!" Kara hit her sister's shoulder. "The point is, should I have told her? It's about...you know, us. As a couple."

"Sam mentioned Lena's gag order."

"Which I know about," Kara pointed out, "but I'm weaseling my way past it. Trying to, anyhow. I just don't want us to get married and people didn't even know we were together."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Married? You've only been dating for a few months. Better slow down, little sister, or I'll bury that cradle robber."

"I'm older than she is! And I've been in love with her for forever."

"That's sweet, you love-sick puppy." Alex smiled, her chest feeling considerably lighter than it had earlier that day. "I say publish it. Take her by storm. That girl could use a little spice."

"I'd take spice over assassination attempts any day," Kara said under her breath. "The point is we'll help dad. And I'll do everything I can to keep him here until he's better."

Alex nodded, gratitude closing her throat. Kara was on her side. Kara believed her. Kara and Alex could face anything together.

"Are you done?" Maggie yelled from the next room. "I was in the middle of something."

"Yikes. I'll let you get back to...we'll just go," Kara said quickly as her sister turned red. "I'll call you when we know more." Lena and Maggie reemerged; the cop grabbed her girlfriend and headed for the bathroom where the shower was still running.

"Thanks," Alex called out right before Maggie closed the bathroom door.

* * *

Kara heard rustling and rolled over in bed, yawning. "Figures," she muttered, glancing at her alarm clock. _Six twenty-one._ Lena was pacing her bedroom, the newest issue of Cat Co. magazine in her hands. Pulling the pillow over her head, Kara tried to block out the noise of her girlfriend reading quietly to herself.

"'Finally addressing the question we all had on our minds, Kara Danvers, co-chair of Cat Co. joined me for a'...Kara, what is this?"

"Nothing," Kara said into her pillow. "Come back to bed."

"'In this day and age we shouldn't marginalize or segregate anyone. Not for race or species or name, and that includes my girlfriend. Lena Luthor has far surpassed this city's expectations of her, expectations that were set based on her last name and the actions of other people. If everyone got to know her the way I do—which is hard because she doesn't let people in easily, understandably so—they would see that she is the best of us, a true hero in her own right.'" Kara heard the magazine hit the dresser and groaned inwardly _._ "Kara Danvers," Lena said loudly. "You better have a good explanation for this."

"I love you," Kara mumbled, still half asleep. Lena wrenched the pillow out of her grasp and hit her with it.

"Not good enough! You said you'd send me the article."

"I said I'd send you the _interview_." Kara squinted at her girlfriend. "And I did."

"That is absolute bullshit and you know it," Lena said, annoyed.

"I'm not going to hide from people." Kara thought about her conversation with her sister and sat up, rubbing her eyes. "What if we get married and people are confused?"

Lena's resolve softened. "That's what you're afraid of? People aren't stupid, darling. And besides, there have been more shotgun weddings than bank robberies."

"I'll make it up to you," Kara promised, seeing that Lena was still upset.

"You'd better." Lena eyed the blonde and crawled back into bed, wrapping her arms around Kara's waist.

"Hm," Kara hummed contentedly as Lena kissed her neck.

"You have to buy me something."

"Okay." She closed her eyes.

"And take me out to dinner."

"Done."

"And watch Downton Abbey with me."

"Fine."

"And eat kale for a week."

"Sure—no! Ew." Kara's nose wrinkled and she turned over. "Kale is gross. I'll do something else."

"You wrote about me without telling me," Lena countered. She smiled widely. "Please?"

Kara broke the second she saw Lena's grin. "Cheater," she grumbled.

"But you _love me_ ," Lena smiled again. "And now you can love me with a kale smoothie in your hand."

"I don't have to eat _just_ kale, do I?" Kara's eyes widened and she sat up.

"I guess not," Lena relented. "I just wish you'd asked me before saying things about me publicly."

"All good things."

"Things, nonetheless." Lena stretched. "I'll get over my trust issues one day. Maybe when you turn a hundred and five. You're not immortal, are you?"

Kara bit her lip. "Um, no."

" _Um?!_ You're not sure? _"_ Lena's face fell, her perfect brows knitting. "Am I going to get old and die and you're going to find someone hotter and younger and marry them?"

"No!" Kara said, horrified. "No one is better than you. No one is smarter or hotter or kinder and I would never let you die—"

Lena didn't look appeased. "You don't have much control over that." The idea was bothering her, that Kara would live forever and she would be left alone.

"I'm not immortal," Kara said adamantly. "When I landed on Earth fifteen years ago, I was thirteen. Now I'm twenty-seven. I'm older than you."

"Oh." Lena stopped short. "Right. I wasn't thinking."

Kara giggled. "I thought you were a genius."

"I am. Just not with you," Lena said, realizing her mistake. "My brain doesn't work when I'm with you."

"My brain doesn't work when I'm _not_ with you." Kara hooked Lena by the waist, pulling her close. "You—you're wearing my shirt!"

"I'm borrowing it," Lena corrected her.

"You're stretching it is more accurate. You're going to pop a button," Kara said, unable to tear her eyes away.

Lena smirked. "I thought you liked my boobs," she said coyly as Kara gulped.

"I did—do, I do. I do like them. I just also like that shirt, so try not to destroy it," Kara stammered, shoving her glasses on. "Unless you're going to replace it."

"You rip open your shirts all the time," Lena protested, "Can't I just have a little fun?"

"You can just have the shirt," Kara sighed. "You look better in it anyways."

"You say that about everything I wear of yours."

"It's true for everything you wear," Kara smiled. "Cause you're beautiful."

"If you think that I've forgotten about the article, you are sadly mistaken. I'm holding it over you for weeks to come." She kissed Kara's cheek, slipping her heels on. "I'm off to work. Sam wants me to oversee a merger. I'll see you at Cat Co.?"

Kara nodded. "I'm going to check on Jeremiah before I head over. Alex is mad you banned her from visiting."

"Alex needs to learn what's good for her." Lena checked her hair in the mirror by the door and left, already sending a work email before the door closed behind her. Kara glanced at the clock and let out a frustrated groan. _Six fifty._ _Not enough time to go back to sleep, too much time before I have to leave. Great._

* * *

"No change."

"What do you mean no change?!"

"It's been like, a day. Give her some time, Alex."

"Lena is a super-genius. She doesn't need time, she needs to focus."

Kara crossed the street, holding the phone to her ear. The noise of the city and its crowds barraged her free ear and she shook her head. "I don't know what to tell you. We promised we'd help, we just need more time."

"Fine," Alex growled. _Click._

"Alex? Alex?" Kara said, annoyed that her sister had hung up on her.

" _There she is!"_

" _Kara Danvers, woman of the hour, has just arrived at Cat Co. magazine headquarters..."_

" _What's it like dating Lena Luthor?"_

" _How long have you been together?"_

" _When's the wedding?"_

Kara blinked, caught off guard. "I—what?" Camera bulbs went off in her face; a TV crew was pushing its way towards her through the crowd and she froze. The sounds of thirty people breathing heavily inundated her and her eyes widened.

"Get out of the way!" A familiar voice yelled.

"James!?"

The large man easily shouldered the camera crews aside and grabbed Kara's arm. "Come on!" He had to yell to be heard. Dragging her behind him, he closed the doors and smiled as Kara caught her breath.

"James!" She hugged him, surprised. "I can't believe you're here! You didn't call, did you?" She checked her phone and rolled her eyes at Lena's text.

 _Media storm over here, heads up._

"Well, I heard about Winn and I figured my other family needed me. I'm so sorry, Kara. How is everyone?"

"Still reeling from it. I find myself waiting for his voice in my ear, but..." Kara smiled sadly. "What about you? You guys were best friends."

James rubbed his scalp and sighed. "It's been hard," he said as they got on the elevator. "A pretty rough transition, to say the least."

"Yeah," Kara said quietly. She watched him roll up his shirt sleeves and his wedding ring sparkled. "How's Lucy? How's everyone in the capital—how's Cat?"

James laughed, a short, loud sound that filled the elevator. "I can't believe we're still working together, if that's what you mean. Lucy's great—I actually have to head back in a couple days because she's due in two weeks."

"Due? Oh, due! Oh Rao, that's so exciting!" Kara clapped her hands together. "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Girl. We're naming her Sarah, after my mom."

"That's really sweet," Kara said as the elevator doors opened. They stepped out and and James took a deep breath.

"It's good to be back."

"Hi, darling." Lena approached them and kissed Kara's cheek, making her blush. She looked even better than she had that morning, her stolen, low-cut shirt begging for Kara's attention. "Mr. Olsen."

"Ms. Luthor." James crossed his arms. "Cat Grant has a message for you; good job with the interview but you still need to step up your game."

"Cat Grant can pick up a phone like any other person and tell me that herself." Lena regarded him with an impassive expression. "And what do you think?"

"I don't disagree with her. The brand isn't doing as well as I'd hoped it would under the advisement of one of the country's richest business women."

"I'll keep that in mind next time I'm kidnapped," Lena said frostily. Looking to Kara, she ignored James. "You got my text?"

"A few minutes too late," Kara said, a little stunned at Lena's cold shoulder. "James saved me from the hordes of reporters."

"Did he now," Lena said carelessly. "Those people out there aren't reporters, they're paparazzi. Sharks. Don't give them what they want, at least any more than you already have." She looked up at Kara and the blonde woman turned redder.

 _Is she mad at me?_ "Copy that. Sorry baby."

James cleared his throat. "While I'm here, maybe I could give you a couple pointers? If you want."

Lena turned a judgmental gaze on him. "I'd...appreciate that."

Feeling like she was in the middle of a Mexican standoff, Kara smiled nervously. "The office is that way," she said with exaggerated cheerfulness.

"I know," Lena and James said in unison, eyeing each other. James took the lead and when Kara sat on the same couch as him, Lena crossed her legs, her back stiffening.

"The interview was the right idea," James started. "I feel like I got to know you, you really showed the world that not all Luthors are evil. But—"

"But?" Lena raised an eyebrow.

"But Cat thinks you can go deeper. The whole article was about all the good you've done for the city. The only time I had the slightest impression that you had feelings was when Kara talked about you. And—"

"I'm not interested in projecting my feelings," Lena said coldly. "Whether you intend to or not, you're rubbing me the wrong way, Mr. Olsen."

"I don't mean to. And Kara." He turned to his friend and smiled, getting one in return. "That was a great short piece. Personable, heartfelt." He put a hand on her knee. "I really understood how you felt about Lena, saw her through your eyes."

"Aww, thanks, that's nice of you to say. What do you think, Lena?" Kara turned to the CEO. "Um," Kara bit her lip. "Baby?"

"Yes."

"Are you okay? You look kind of angry."

"Maybe James should take his hand off your knee."

James held his hands up as Kara blushed again. "White flag. No hard feelings, right?"

Lena's phone rang and she saw Sam's name pop up. "Hold that thought, I have to take this." She stood and left the room, answering the phone.

"I don't think she likes me very much," James said to Kara.

Kara smiled. "She's just a little prickly. I'm sure she likes you, she just doesn't know you. And you don't know her. Since her family relationships aren't really good models for her to go off of, she's always over protective. Like Alex, but with less anger."

"I feel like there's something else," James scratched his head. "She seems almost jealous."

"Pfft. Lena, jealous? Of what? You?"

"We did date," he pointed out.

"Yeah, for all of two seconds." Kara said stoically, but inside she felt warm and fuzzy. _Jealous. Who would've thought._

"I have an idea," James adjusted his position so they were facing each other. "Why don't you do the interview?"

"I can't interview Lena, I'm her girlfriend. That would be, like, illegal."

Shaking his head, James gestured excitedly. "No, I mean you do the interview _about_ Lena. You know her the way no one else does. She loves you. With her permission, of course, I think it's the best thing for the magazine."

"I'm not going to exploit my personal life for publicity's sake!"

"You're the one that exposed your relationship to the world. Might as well capitalize on it." Seeing Kara hesitate, he shrugged. "It's up to you. I can pitch the idea to her but you have to be in on it."

Kara stood up as Lena walked in. "I guess," she said slowly.

"What are you guessing at?" Lena's brow was furrowed. Sam had called about the technology in Jeremiah and she hadn't been hopeful, telling her she didn't think he'd retain the ability to see if they took it out.

James stood up. "Ms. Luthor. I—we were thinking," he glanced to Kara.

"That maybe I...should do the interview," Kara finished.

Lena looked up. "I'm missing something. I've just done an interview, why do another?"

"I would be the one being interviewed," Kara said, gauging her reaction.

Lena's face tightened almost imperceptibly and Kara winced. "And what, exactly, would you be talking about?"

"You," Kara admitted. "People really want to know who you are, Lee."

"I'm not giving the public more reasons to hate me. I've spent my whole life as a pariah, it's just starting to go away."

"It's Kara doing the talking, do you really think she'd say anything remotely negative about you?" James jumped in, seeing Kara's face fall.

Lena crossed her arms. "Are you two ganging up on me?"

"No!" Kara said quickly. "I just thought it was a good idea, maybe. Only if you want to."

Lena saw Kara's mouth turn down in a pout and groaned internally. "I trust your instincts," she said slowly. "So I'll agree to it on one condition."

"Anything," Kara said immediately.

"He's the one that interviews you."

Kara's eyebrows shot up. "James?"

Lena nodded. "I want him to conduct the interview, write it up _and_ send it to me _before_ Thursday night."

"Ms. Luthor, I can't possibly—"

"You're a reporter, aren't you?" She cut him off.

"Well, yes, but I was under the impression you didn't like me so you'd want someone else to—"

"You and Kara dated. Of course I don't like you," Lena said simply. "So do something to change that."

Kara's mouth was open and she was watching their exchange. "Sounds—ahem—sounds good to me," she said hoarsely.

"Good. Then I leave my best reporter in your hands, Mr. Olsen." Lena slung her purse over her shoulder and gave Kara a quick kiss. "I have something to attend to, I'll be back around two. If you have any trouble, give me a call. And, Mr. Olsen?"

"Yes?" James' head shot up.

"Don't have any trouble." She left the office for the second time in a flurry of heels.

"Was that Lena I just saw storm out?" Alex knocked on the glass doors. "Hey James."

"Alex!" James hugged the older Danvers as Kara collected herself. "What're you doing here?"

"She's usually not that...um, formal?" Kara said to him when he let go of Alex.

"Dropping in on my sister. And it's cause you dated," Alex said instantly. "She'll get over it eventually. Or not. Who knows how that girl's brain works. If Kara tells her to be nice to you, she will."

"Really?" James looked over at Kara, his eyebrows raising.

"Maybe. She does whatever I tell her to when we're alone." Kara shrugged and James snickered at the expression on Alex's face. "I said that out loud, didn't I."

"Could you _please_ censor your train of thought around me?" Alex begged. "Just a little?"

James laughed at the sisters and clapped Alex on the back. "I have to go prepare for this interview. I'll catch you later?"

"We can all have dinner at my house tomorrow if you're still in town," Alex nodded. "So where'd she go?" she asked her sister.

"I assume L-Corp," Kara said innocently. "I saw Sam calling her but I didn't really listen to their conversation."

"Bullshit," Alex argued. "You would've heard it."

Kara frowned. "You can't go over there either way."

"Humor me."

Sighing, Kara sat back down. "Yes, she's going to see Jeremiah and no, I won't tell you anymore." She'd heard Sam's optimistic fifteen percent success rate if they tried to remove the tech—it was implanted around his optic nerve and his body had fused around it, burying it under his flesh.

"At least she's actively helping," Alex grumbled. "I'm just training and waiting for intel on Cadmus operatives. I'm going to hunt them all down, I promise you."

"I'm sure that's not all you're doing."

"I'm also trying to not get drunk," Alex supplied unhelpfully and her sister glared at her.

"Not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be." Alex exhaled slowly. "Maggie wants a big wedding."

"Oh?" Kara put her arm around her sister.

"Yeah. She's getting impatient, I can tell. We have the official invitations ready to go but she won't do it until we know what's going on with dad."

"That's really generous of her."

"Yeah," Alex said again, leaning into her sister. "It is."

* * *

"I can't do it," Lena growled. She slammed her hands down on the table and Sam winced.

"You've only been at it for a few days," she rationalized.

"I know how to remove it," Lena snapped. "He'll just end up blind." She put a hand to her forehead. "Sorry. I don't mean to be short with you, this is just so frustrating."

Sam rubbed her shoulder, picking up a diagram Lena had sketched the day before. "What about this idea?"

"Replacing the optic nerve _and_ the eyeball itself with technology? It's never been done. I'd rather try to salvage the nerve."

"Imagine how you would change the world if it works," Sam encouraged her. "You're the smartest person I know, if anyone was going to take on something that big and succeed, it would be you."

"Imagine what happens if it doesn't work. Luthor turns men into monsters, more at eleven," Lena scoffed.

"What if, what if. You and I both know the best decisions are made with your gut, so what does your gut say?"

Lena looked down, sighing. "My gut is telling me I've been working for ten hours and haven't eaten since yesterday."

"Tell me, do you think you could pull it off?"

There was a tense moment where the CEO leaned against the metal chair, her arms crossed. "Yes," she said after a while. "It's the only way I can see that will help. We've tried hacking it, we've tried simulations and they end up with him blind or complications that ruin his nervous system, we've considered just leaving them in. It's the last option we have."

Sam nodded. "Then I think you should do it." A phone rang and Sam looked around for the source of the noise. "Is that you or me?"

"It's me." Lena sighed, answering the call. "I'm almost done," she said before the person on the other end had the chance to say anything.

"You were almost done two hours ago! Sam sees more of you than I do," Kara complained. "I thought you were going to read the interview with me tonight."

"I'll do it when I get home."

"You're always tired when you get home." Kara sipped the aldebaran rum she'd bought from Mike. "How come you're always working?"

"I'm trying to figure out how to help your dad," Lena said tiredly.

"Not my dad," Kara said slowly.

Lena raised an eyebrow, looking at Sam. "Are you getting drunk without me?"

"So what?" Kara said defensively. "If you're never going to be home, I'll have to drink without you. Can't drink with Alex."

Rubbing her eyes, Lena frowned. "I'll be home soon."

"Good. Cause you've come in after I've fallen asleep for the last week and a half and I miss you," Kara rolled over on her bed, her feet waving in the air. "What if I told you I was waiting for you naked?"

Glancing over at Sam to see if she'd heard, Lena smirked. "I'd say I'll be right over." She hung up the phone and started gathering her things,

"Wait," Sam said suddenly. "What's he doing?" She held up the tablet with the live feed from Jeremiah's cell. The man was crouched in the corner, his hands on his face.

"I can't tell." Lena peered at the screen and gasped when he faced the camera, blood running down his cheeks. "He figured it out. Alex was right, he's still in there."

"Oh my god...he's not..." Sam covered her mouth with her hand.

Lena dropped her bag, already running for the door. "Get J'onn here. He's trying to take his eyes out, we have to do something _now!_ "


	36. 36) Heartbreak (Angst)

"He what!?"

"Focus on the good, Alex." Eliza held her daughter back from lunging at Lena. "He's fine now. He's back to normal, whatever that's worth."

"If you're going to kick me out you have to keep an eye on him, you worthless—"

"That's enough!" Kara said sharply, cutting her sister off. "You should be thanking Lena, not criticizing her."

Alex set her jaw. "I want to see him."

"Alex, sweetie, I don't think that's a good idea." Eliza shook her head.

"I said I want to see him," the older Danvers said petulantly.

"I'll take you." Kara stepped between Alex and Lena. She turned to her girlfriend and gave her half a smile. "I know you have that meeting, don't let us keep you."

Nodding silently, Lena shot Alex a look that Kara couldn't read and left.

"James had the right idea. Take everything a Luthor says with a grain of salt."

"Excuse me?" Kara raised her eyebrows. "I'll pretend you didn't just say that. What's gotten into you?"

Alex looked at her angrily. "Maybe it's because I left dad in with your girlfriend and he tried to rip his fucking eyes out!"

"Girls, don't fight." Eliza pulled on Alex's arm. "They caught him in time. We can go see him and then maybe all go out together, what do you say to that?"

Kara crossed her arms. "Not until she tells me what's going on. I know you, I know something's bothering you."

Alex sighed, an exasperated noise that Kara ignored. "Nothing's bothering me."

"Come on, Alex, it's me."

"I'm fine. Lead the way." Alex shook her head as though she was clearing it. She and Eliza fell into step behind Kara but when Jeremiah's bed came into view, she froze. "What if he doesn't recognize me?"

"He'll recognize you, sweetie, of course he will. You're his daughter." Eliza rubbed her back and gave her a gentle push forward.

"That's what you're worried about?" Kara blinked.

Still hanging back, Alex shoved her hands in her pockets. "Ever since we got him back and I got engaged...I always hoped he would be there. To walk me down the aisle."

Kara saw Eliza purse her lips and she felt guilty. With everything that was going on, she hadn't given the wedding or its details much thought, but it must have been the only thing on Alex's mind. "He's here now. He can still walk you down the aisle."

"I wouldn't be so sure. He looks so...broken." Alex slowly approached the bed, her fingers wrapping around the metal bar on the side. "If Lena can't fix him, who can?"

"You said that's what we were here for," Kara said in a comforting voice. "We can ground him. We can bring him back."

"It's going to be alright, honey." Eliza rubbed her daughter's shoulder.

"Looking like this?" Alex gestured to his face; the skin around his eyes was still inflamed and healing from his psychotic break.

Jeremiah's eyes snapped open and Alex jumped back in surprise. "Alex?" His voice was rough.

"I'm here." She grabbed his hand, leaning forward. "I'm right here, dad."

"There's something wrong with my eyes," he said in a panicked voice.

"What's wrong?" Alex said, immediately frantic. "You're okay, you're safe. Can you see me?"

"Lena Luthor," he said and Alex's blood ran cold. "She—"

"She fixed you, dad." Kara stepped into view and his eyes focused on her, giving her the first good look at them.

They were no doubt an amazing technological feat for Lena to have pulled off. Metal, gears and mirrors were visible through the silicone outside, which turned and orbited like a human eye would. The most shocking thing was the blue light that had replaced his pupil; it reminded Kara of a weak laser beam.

"Kara. It's you, it's really you." He reached out a hand and she took it, not hearing Lena enter the back of the room. "I can't see your eyes."

"What?" Alex said angrily. "What do you mean?"

"I can see, just not colors. I remember your eyes. There were bluer than the sky and I only wish..." he swallowed, sitting up. "You saved me," he whispered to the both of them. No tears fell down his cheeks—he wasn't capable of crying anymore.

Alex smothered him with a hug, relief washing through her. Kara stood over them protectively, watching her sister try to hold back tears of her own. Eliza cleared her throat and Jeremiah looked up at her.

"Hi, honey," she said quietly. Jeremiah reached out a hand like a man in a dream, caressing her face.

"Is it really you?"

"It's me." Eliza closed her eyes, pressing his hand to her cheek. They stood in silence for a while then Eliza dropped her hand. "Alex is getting married," she said proudly. "You're expected to come."

The lights in Jeremiah's eyes seemed to glow brighter. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"But you can't see any of the colors," Alex sniffled. "I don't want you to miss it."

Kissing his daughter on the top of her head, Jeremiah rubbed her back. "Doesn't the bride wear all white?"

"Both brides," Kara reminded him.

"Both brides," he agreed. "So I won't miss a thing." He smiled up at his wife and she gazed at him, a mixture of love and sadness in her eyes.

Lena back out of the room. The sight of the Danvers family being so close-knit made her long for her own mother. She had been spending evenings in the cold, lonely room, nothing but her mother's letters and technology to keep her company while her mother's hologram spoke to her. She wished she had _that_ relationship, that family tie, that group of people to turn to. For one of the few times in her adult life, Lena felt sorry for herself. The alarm on her phone went off and she fumbled for it.

 _Biohazard meeting. Nicholas Masterson._

"Shit, I'm late," she muttered. Grabbing the coat that she had come back for, she hurried out of the DEO.

It took her longer than she'd hoped to get to her building and she rushed inside, the security team shoving aside the now-everyday paparazzi. Sam was out of town visiting Ruby and she was back in her old office.

"So you're the famous Lena Luthor."

"Nicholas Masterson," Lena greeted him.

"I must say, you're a lot less scarier than you were in college." He had a slight accent that Lena couldn't place and a shock of brown hair matched with dark brown eyes.

"I'll take that as a compliment," she said haughtily. "We just have to finish signing—"

"Want to get a drink with me?"

"I beg your pardon?" Lena was taken aback. "You're very forward."

He shrugged. "You're acquiring my company. After I sign over my life's blood, I was wondering if you wanted to get a drink." He flashed her a row of perfect, pearly teeth and she raised her eyebrows.

* * *

"So that's me in a nutshell."

"Nutshell?" Lena laughed. "A forty-minute nutshell."

"It can't have been that long." He took a sip of beer and wiped his mouth with a monogrammed handkerchief.

"Fine, closer to twenty. I didn't know you lived in South Africa when you were a kid, but it explains the accent." She smiled, not realizing her phone was ringing in her purse.

"Do you need to take that?" He nodded to the phone.

"Take what? Oh. Yeah, hang on." She answered the call, plugging one ear to hear better. "I'll be right back."

"Bartender." Nicholas slapped the counter. "Another round. Put it on my tab."

Stepping into the early November air, Lena shivered. "I'll be home soon."

"Lena, it's eleven at night. Where'd you go?"

"I'm out drinking with a business associate. Nicholas Masterson, I've known him for a while."

"You never mentioned him." Kara pushed her glasses up and turned her TV down.

"We went to MIT together, he was two years ahead of me. I haven't seen him in ages," Lena answered.

"I should meet him," Kara said cheerfully. "I'll come join you." She stood up, the blanket falling off her shoulders.

"No, that's okay. I'll be home soon. Love you," Lena said quickly, wanting to get back into the warmth of the bar.

"Oh. Okay," Kara said in a disappointed voice, sitting back down. "Love you. See you soon." Alex had decided to spend the night at the DEO with Jeremiah and Eliza instead of their planned girls' night and Lena was out so she was home all alone. Starting up her computer she saw her emails pop up.

 _Recommended to you for Netflix._

"Black Panther it is," she muttered, pulling the blanket back around her.

"Sorry about that." Lena slid back onto the bar stool.

"No problem." Nicholas gestured to their now-full glasses. "That your boyfriend?"

"Girlfriend, actually." Lena took a long sip of beer and let her hair down.

"Girlfriend, huh. So you haven't changed."

"What's that mean?"

"Oh, come on Lena. Everyone knew about you and Veronica Sinclair." He smirked but there was no malice behind it.

"I wasn't aware you were keeping tabs on me."

"Nah, you wouldn't have been. I was invisible back in college."

"I remember you. I tutored you for a while in physics." Lena giggled, slightly tipsy.

"I'm flattered. You were the kind of girl I figured would never talk to me. Insanely hot, insanely smart."

"Nick, stop it," she laughed, pushing his shoulder away.

"I mean it. I was obsessed with you." He downed half his beer and there was an awkward pause where Lena met his eyes. "But tell me about you. You've had quite the roller coaster of a time from what I've heard."

Lena sipped her beer and stretched her neck. "You mean with my insane, murderous brother and equally villainous mother? Or are you referring to his being incarcerated for multiple life sentences and her being murdered?" She finished her beer and Nicholas switched their glasses.

"Damn, woman. You need to let it all out."

"And," Lena said, picking up his beer, "My girlfriend's sister hates me and I don't even think she has a reason. Other than my last name, I suppose, which is reason enough." She shrugged and chugged some of his beer, frowning. "And Kara—that's my girlfriend—seems annoyed that I'm always home late, but I have a lot of shit to do! Running an entire corporation isn't your traditional nine-to-five anymore and I'm running two of them."

"She doesn't get it," Nicholas said sympathetically.

"Yeah." Lena stifled a burp. "Well, that's not really fair. She's been running one of my companies. But—"

"Maybe you're working a little too hard. Maybe you just need to slow down, take a vacation." Nicholas put his hand on her arm, stopping the beer halfway to her mouth. "I worked myself to the bone for my company and then I burned out and look where it got me—you're buying me out."

Lena hiccuped. "Sure, but I can't really afford to _not_ work. If I'm going to be a pariah, I might as well spend my time working hard instead of listening to the things people say about me."

"Tell me about it." The bartender had come by and Nicholas held up a new beer. "Cheers to us, the hard working losers of the world." They clinked and drunk in unison, both smiling when they put down their mugs. "For what it's worth, I think you're amazing."

* * *

Lena woke up in her penthouse apartment. _Kara must have taken me home._ "Kara?" She sat up, her head pounding. "Kara?" The sound of running water caught her attention and looked to the bathroom.

Nicholas walked out in a cloud of steam, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Oh my god!" Lena looked away, staring out the window. "Nicholas, what are you _doing_ here?!"

"You don't remember? You invited me."

"I—what?" Lena pulled the blankets over her chest, blinking.

 _Brown eyes staring at her in the bar. Someone—Nicholas—kissing her. Stumbling out of the bar and into the back of a cab; the feeling of his muscles underneath his suit. Ripping his clothes off in her elevator, pushing him into her bedroom._

"Oh my god, what did I do?" Lena said, horrified.

"Did you not enjoy yourself?" Nicholas said with apprehension.

"This is wrong, you can't be here," she hissed. Someone knocked at the door and Lena's head whipped around. "Coming!" she said in a high-pitched voice. Gathering the blankets around her she made her way to the door, shooting a mortified glare at Nicholas who had hurried to hide in the bathroom.

"Where have you been?!" Kara swept Lena into a hug the second the door opened. "I've been calling and calling and you—you had me worried all night!" She pushed Lena away and took her glasses off, wiping her eyes. "You can't do that to me!" She seemed to take in Lena's appearance for the first time and her eyebrows knit. "Do you have anything to say? Why do you look like that?"

"Like what?" Lena said nervously. She felt like she was having an out of body experience; there couldn't be a man in her bathroom while Kara was standing in front of her, worried for her. She tried not to glance at the bathroom door.

"I don't know...you have that morning-after look. I've seen it before." Kara cleaned her glasses but her hands were shaking and they fell to the floor. "What's going on?" She bent over to pick them up and saw Nicholas' pants by Lena's bed

"I..." Lena's voice died in her throat as Kara straightened up.

"Is there someone else here?" Kara said in a hoarse voice.

Lena swallowed. She couldn't say anything other than the truth. "It was a mistake," she said faintly.

Kara's jaw dropped and she gasped, a hurt noise that tore at Lena's heart.

"It wasn't supposed to happen, we were drunk—"

"We?" Kara stepped back, shock making her bones heavy. She heard the sounds of someone breathing over the shower and felt like she was falling; she had just jumped off a fifty-foot building and halfway down found out she couldn't fly anymore.

"Kara," Lena started, but the betrayal in the blonde woman's eyes brought her up short. Her own eyes burned, tears welling up.

"I guess drunk people never think about the consequences of their actions," Kara said stiffly, barely holding it together. Lena stepped towards her and she flinched back. _Don't cry._ She couldn't look Lena in the eye and her heartbeat pounded in her ears. Every warning Alex had ever said to her about Lena was playing on repeat in her head and she opened her mouth to say something; her eyebrows twitched and then she was gone, running away.

Lena stood framed in the doorway with the sound of Kara's rapidly fading footsteps echoing down the hall.

"What happened?" Nicholas called from the bathroom. He had heard Lena say her girlfriend's name and didn't know what to do. Feeling the tears dripping down her face, Lena turned and his eyes widened. "Fuck. I'm so sorry, Lena, I thought you—I can go," he stammered, snatching his pants off her floor.

"No," she said quietly, wiping her eyes.

"What!? You have to go after her," he insisted.

Knowing Kara was most likely flying over the Pacific Ocean, Lena shook her head. "No," she said again, the happy, fuzzy feelings from the night before long gone. "I can't follow her right now." She backed up slowly until her legs hit the bed and she sat down. _This can't be happening._

Nicholas stood by the door uncertainly, his now-wrinkled suit haphazardly thrown on. "I didn't mean for that to happen," he said in a guilty tone. "I'm so sorry, Lena. I'll leave."

"Wait." He froze at the whisper, torn between leaving and helping the clearly shattered-looking woman. She looked up at him, still processing what had happened. "Don't leave me alone."

"Lena, I don't think it's a good idea for me to stay," he said adamantly.

She took a shuddering breath. "I understand."

He put his hand on the door knob but something in her voice held him back. Running a hand through his damp hair, he sighed and made his way over to her, sitting down. The bed sagged under both their weights and she leaned into his shoulder, fighting back tears. He held her awkwardly, not sure what to say.

"I ruin everything," Lena sniffled. "The one good thing, the one _amazing_ thing I had in my life and I—why did I do that? I'm disgusting."

Nicholas frowned. "It's my fault too, you know. I'm really sorry about all of this, but you have to know you aren't a terrible person."

"I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to, so what kind of person does that make me?" Lena looked at him hopefully, clinging to him like he was the last life-preserver on a sinking ship. "I really am a Luthor."

"That's not such a bad thing," he pointed out. "Luthors are hard working, successful people. They get things done."

"Kara always said I was good," Lena mumbled sadly. "That people should ignore my last name and focus on my actions. She must hate me now."

"I think that you should own it. The name, I mean. Yes, maybe the Luthors haven't always had humanity's best intentions at heart but look at you. Who else could have taken over the company and done so much good other than Lena Luthor?"

"What about—what am I supposed to do now?" Lena said despairingly. Her chest felt like someone had sat on it, she couldn't get a full breath of air.

Nicholas wrapped an arm around her and they stared at the carpet together. "I'm not sure," he said after a while. "Not much to do but make the best of it. That's how I felt when you bought my company."

"You don't think I'm a horrible person?" Her watery green eyes bored into his and he blinked at the intense desperation in them. She needed so badly to believe she was a good person, she had no idea she was one of the best.

"No. I think you're a regular person caught in a horrible situation. That's usually how these things go."

Lena took that in. Here was a man with whom she had just destroyed her life, the life she had worked so hard to build and protect. The walls of her palace were burning around her, crashing to the ground, and he was still standing there with her. He hadn't run away. The clock on the wall ticked by the seconds and she watched it move until she read the time. "It's so late, we have to get to work." She wiped her face, sitting up. "We have to finalize everything."

"Twist the knife in, why don't you?" he in a light tone.

 _That's how I feel. Like a knife is twisting in my chest. The look on Kara's face..._ A laugh bubbled up in her chest and she shoved it away. _There is no reason for you to be laughing._ "We can head over there together," she reasoned. "But get out while I change."

"I've already seen you naked."

Lena slammed the bathroom door in his face.

* * *

When Lena got out of the car at Cat Co. she was immediately barraged by the group of cameras and trashy magazine journalists that hung around the building. The crowd had thinned out since the first interview but there were still some people that made it their daily job to photograph her. She was a little stunned, and the reason they were there made the back of her eyes burn with fresh tears. _Kara._

" _Who's the man, Lena?"_

" _Where's Kara Danvers?"_

" _Do you not love her anymore?"_

Nicholas saw her tense up and took the initiative, pushing his way through the crowd. "That's enough, guys. Let her through." He shoved people aside and they rode up the elevator in silence.

"Your mail, Ms. Luthor."

"Thanks Jess." She picked through the pile as they entered her office, freezing when she got to her desk.

"What is it?" Nicholas had closed the door to find Lena staring down at her hands.

Lena held up the magazine wordlessly. A picture of her graced the cover with the words, _Lena Luthor. A sit-down interview about National City's most wanted woman with her lover, Cat Co. co-chair Kara Danvers._ She burst out laughing, the magazine falling from her hands. "I completely forgot that interview was coming out today," she said hysterically. "Fantastic! That's just perfect timing."

Nicholas picked it up and flipped through the pages while Lena dialed her Cat Co. office number. "Wow," he muttered, skimming the article. "This girl really loves you."

"Ms. Luthor?" The line picked up.

"Yes, I—Eve? Why are you answering this phone? Has Kara come in yet?"

"Ms. Danvers was in earlier. She left."

"Well did she say where she was going?" Lena was coming apart at the seams and Eve could hear it in her voice.

"No. Are you okay?"

"No," Lena said truthfully. "Eve, this is important. Did Kara tell you when she'd be back?" Lena bit her lip, the laughter already a million miles away. Nicholas glanced up at her, the magazine still lying open in his hands.

"Yes."

"And when is that?"

Eve exhaled into the phone. "Never. She quit."

"Quit?" Lena's voice shot up an octave and Nicholas stood up.

"She quit," Eve confirmed. "She came in earlier, upset, and said she was done."

"Done?" Lena fell back against her desk, Nicholas' hand on her back to steady her. "Done with what?" _Done with me._

"With the company. She said something about needing a vacation and left, taking a box of things with her. She told me to make sure everything was ready for you. She was pretty upset. Ms. Luthor, is everything alright?" Eve said worriedly.

"Everything is fine," Lena said faintly, hanging up.

Nicholas helped Lena to the couch, concerned with how pale she had become. "What happened now?"

Lena let him guide her, unaware of her surroundings. "She quit."

"Quit what?"

"The CEO job I gave her. She just up and left and now it's mine and—" She put her head in her hands. "How is this all falling apart so fast?"

"It'll be okay," he comforted her. "Things will blow over and she'll forgive you."

"She won't. You didn't see the look on her face." She sat up. "I have to talk to her. I have to get her to come back. Her sister—they're beyond close. She must know where she is, they tell each other everything."

"I thought you said the sister didn't like you."

Lena stood up and sighed. "She doesn't, but she owes me. I just put her father back together."

"Back together? Literally or figuratively—Lena, wait! I'll go with you."

"No. That wouldn't be a good idea." Lena texted her driver and put her coat on, the movements robotic. "You can stay here. Finish the paperwork, I'll be back later. I think."

"Give me a call if you need anything," he called out after her retreating form.

She got to Alex's apartment in record time and ran up the stairs when the elevator took too long. "Alex, let me in. It's about Kara," she said desperately to the peephole. "Alex?" The door swung open and Lena jumped back. "Jeremiah." The eyes she had hand made for him were glowing red, the blue lights whose color she had modeled after Kara's eyes a bloody crimson. He growled at her and she held up her hands. "I'm looking for Alex."

"It's okay, dad." Alex walked up behind him and his eyes turned blue. "Come back inside." He obeyed, shooting a last glance at Lena.

"What did you do to him? His eyes shouldn't be red."

Alex crossed her arms. "Get out of here, Luthor." She blocked Lena's view into her apartment.

"I need to see her."

"You don't get to do anything of the sort. In fact, you don't get to talk to her ever again," Alex bristled.

"Please, I—"

"You may not be evil, Lena, but you are not a good person," Alex said in a cold voice. "You broke my sister's heart, you asshole."

"And I'm so sorry, I just—"

"Get out." Alex stared her down. "She doesn't want to see you and quite frankly, I don't either."

Lena swallowed. "Alex," she tried again, "I—"

"I, I, I. It's all about you, isn't it?" Alex shot her down. "My sister has been lying on my bed all morning because of _you_. She can't go back to her apartment, because everything there reminds her of _you._ " Alex spat the last word and closed the door on her.

Lena sighed and stepped forward, pressing her hand to the door. "I'm sorry," she whispered again, hoping Kara would hear her. Hoping Kara would be listening. Her mother's voice rose, unbidden, to her mind.

" _Look at you, begging for the love of an alien. Have you really stooped so low?"_

She slid down the wall and her phone buzzed as she sat down.

 _Need some company?_

The idea of being alone wasn't appealing to her but the idea of Nicholas coming to Alex's apartment was worse.

 _No thanks. Go home, I'll see you tomorrow at nine back at the office._

Leaning back against the wall she shed her coat, placing her purse down beside her. It wasn't even noon but she was already exhausted. _She has to forgive me,_ Lena thought despondently. _It was a mistake._ Closing her eyes, she felt herself unraveling and let it happen. Unbeknownst to her, Kara was lying on her side, watching her through the walls.

* * *

She woke up a long lime later. The window down the hall showed that the sun had gone down hours ago and she looked up at Alex's door, half-expecting Kara to be standing there. The door was still closed and no sounds could be heard from inside. Standing up and brushing herself off Lena glanced at her watch. _Two in the morning._ She debated going home to change or just spending the rest of the night in the hallway but Alex's angry words came back to haunt her. Her pride was in tatters on the floor; she had come to beg Kara for forgiveness and instead had been eviscerated by her older sister. At least she was contrite, at least she felt bad. She felt like a child, holding out something she had built only for Lillian to slap it out of her hands and step on it. She stared at the floor, collecting herself. _You are a Luthor. No one can make you feel worthless unless you let them._ With a last long look at the door she left the building, her heart aching with every step.

Her driver dropped her off and she took the elevator up to her apartment with a heavy heart. There was no one to go home to, no one waiting up for her. As she walked down the hall to her door she noticed a shape in the hallway.

"Nicholas?" She squinted in the dark.

"Lena. Lena, hey." He got to his feet, rumpling his hair. "I was wondering when you'd get back."

"What are you doing here?" She stepped past him and pressed her thumb on her door handle; Nicholas yawned as the steel locks disengaged.

"Waiting for you. I felt bad about everything and I just wanted to make sure you got home okay." Lena walked into her apartment and he followed. "Lena? What happened when you went over there, did you get to talk to her?"

"Nothing happened," Lena said harshly. "You should leave."

He frowned. "I was just trying to help."

She eyed him, deliberating. There was a sick feeling in her stomach, a feeling she was all-too familiar with; she wanted to do drugs, she wanted to sleep until Kara came back to her. "Take your clothes off."

"What? Why?"

"Just do it." She pushed him into her bedroom like she had the night before only now there was no drunken giggling, no cute fear of being overheard. She was sober, she was heartbroken, she was drowning in self hatred. She felt empty, hollow; Kara had been her heart and she had just ripped it out of her own chest.

"You sure you want to do this again?" Nicholas said, walking backwards.

"Do you?" She said it almost as a challenge.

"I definitely would, but I don't think—"

"Shut up." One more push and he was on the bed. She leaned over him; two seconds later he was scrambling to rip her clothes off. She felt detached, as though someone else had taken over her body. He fumbled with the condom and she seized it from him. "I'll do it," she said gruffly. Once it was on she climbed on top of him and pulled his face to her chest. What she thought would temporarily fix her was wrong. She had enjoyed sex with men before but this was all wrong. Where Kara's face was smooth against her chest, his stubble scratched her skin. Where her fingers rested in his short, thick hair, there were no long waves of gold for her to twist her fingers in. Where his lips touched her skin there were no fireworks, no goosebumps—just scientific, biologic saliva. He gave in to her far too easily, he didn't say anything, he wasn't Kara. He didn't excite her, he didn't push her, he didn't appeal to her. He wasn't Kara

She wrapped her arms around his torso and moved up and down, her face stoic. She felt absolutely nothing as she faked her way through it, moaning like all the women did on television. She could feel him shuddering underneath her and closed her eyes, wishing he was someone else.

* * *

Kara had been lying on Alex's bed all day watching Lena sleeping. She tried to stop herself but she listened for Lena all day and all night.

"Kara, you need to at least drink some water."

She ignored her sister, not moving.

"Kara." Alex sat on the bed and rubbed her sister's back. "Let me help you."

Kara didn't answer her, closing her eyes. She heard Lena arrive at her apartment and heard a man greet her. _Nicholas._ Tuning out Alex's concerned voice, she listened to Lena tell him to take his clothes off. She sat up abruptly, startling her sister, her eyes unfocused. "I have to leave." She didn't wait for Alex's response, ripping her clothes off and pushing her way out of the apartment, she took off, flying over the city. The sounds of traffic and machinery couldn't cut through the fog in her head and she pushed her speed faster and faster, trying to put as much distance between the sounds of Lena's lovemaking and her broken heart.

She landed somewhere in China, mountains and valleys stretching out before her. _This is good. I can handle this._ A cow mooed somewhere to the west and she hunkered down underneath a tree, pulling her cape round her. The cold didn't bother her but she was trying to hold herself together, feeling like she was breaking into pieces. The shock of realizing Lena had slept with someone else was slowly working its way through her body like an icy poison.

 _She doesn't need you._

 _She doesn't want you._

 _She doesn't love you._

* * *

 _I swear this is still 100% a supercorp story_


	37. 37) Domestic (TW)

"She's still not back?"

"No," Alex said shortly. J'onn had been asking her every day for almost a month. Communications with her sister were few and far between; she left Clark in charge of that side of the planet, focusing her energy in Europe and Asia. She had already captured and sent back several Cadmus operatives and stopped a trade war, and drone attacks had decreased by sixty percent in war zones. And none of it changed the fact that Alex missed her sister. Everyone at the DEO knew to stay out of her way, Maggie was consumed with wedding planning and Jeremiah was the only one that saw Lena regularly. She kept testing the eyes she had made, hoping that nothing would go wrong. Every time she drove past Kara's apartment she felt the emptiness like a fresh wound; the gossip magazines had Kara's face all over them, always next to a picture of Lena and her new boyfriend.

"Alex." J'onn waved a hand in front of her face.

The motion made her look up. "I'm going to train," she said in a shaky voice. Heading for the space to clear her head, the room where she could beat the shit out of dummies and spear bullseyes from twenty paces, she squeezed her hands into fists. She slid her gun out of its holster as she turned in the doorway, bringing it up to aim. _That's for you, Nicholas Masterson._ The first bullet blasted through the flimsy paper target. _And you, Lena Luthor._ The training dummy skidded across the floor, a hole in the middle of its head. Standing over it, she fired six more shots into its chest, breathing heavily. _Fucking asshole._ One more shot and then she threw the gun to the side, seizing the dummy. She lifted it up and tossed it across the room, letting out a frustrated yell; a figure standing in the doorway caught her eye and she snatched up one of the wooden knives, pulling her arm back in preparation. "Mom?"

Eliza walked into the room and took the knife from her daughter. "Hi sweetie." She opened her arms and Alex melted into them.

"I miss her," she said into her mother's embrace.

"She's out there doing great things, just like you." Her mother sighed and Alex felt it in her chest. "Have you talked to her recently?"

Alex nodded. "Six days ago. This is so...horrible. Lena Luthor, thinking she can come in here and walk all over my family and pretend like she did nothing wrong."

"She doesn't think she did nothing wrong."

"How do you know that?" Alex looked at her mother accusingly.

Eliza hesitated, knowing Alex's reaction could be volatile. "I've been talking to her."

Alex immediately stepped back. "You what?"

"I talk to her about Jeremiah's condition. I don't think she's as happy as you think she is; she and Kara loved each other." Eliza brushed Alex's hair back, wishing she would understand.

"She broke Kara's heart. She cheated on her."

"I cheated on your father and we still love each other."

"You..." Alex's voice was strained and her knees felt weak. "No you didn't."

Eliza nodded sadly. "I did. Right before Kara came to us."

Shaking her head, Alex didn't listen to what her mother was saying. "That's not true," she interrupted her. "I would've known."

"You were a child, honey. We wanted to protect you. I never brought it up, but I think you should know. Lena isn't happy, no matter what you think. You should go talk to her," Eliza encouraged.

Remembering how Kara laid on her bed for a day Alex got angry all over again. "I don't have to do anything for her. She made her bed and she gets to lie in it."

The older woman sighed, picking up the training dummy. She reset it and replaced the paper target, smoothing it out like she had smoothed out her daughters' sheets when they were younger. Her daughters who had grown up and gone out into the world and gotten hurt and could always come back to her where she would always make them tea and patch them up and send them right back out. She knew Alex hadn't always been close with Kara, but seeing how the distance between the sisters was pulling on her eldest daughter Eliza's heart ached sympathetically. "Forgiveness is a powerful thing."

"So is loyalty. And honesty. And respect. And Lena Luthor deserves none of those things from me." Alex shook her head again and left Eliza standing alone.

* * *

"Lena?" Nicholas looked up at the sound of the door opening. "Where you been?"

"Work." Lena sat down on the couch next to him and smiled. They had been living together in her apartment since _that_ night and fallen into a routine of work and mindless sex.

He smiled back at her but it didn't reach his eyes. "Are you happy?"

"Happy?" She scoffed. "Happiness is overrated."

"But are you?"

She hesitated before answering. "I think so. Are you?"

Ignoring the question, he pulled a crumpled letter out of his jacket pocket. As he unfolded it she recognized the handwriting instantly; it was a letter she had written to Kara and never sent. Like mother like daughter. He left it on the couch with her while he went to the fridge, opening another beer. The noise of the bottle opening drew her attention and she saw with dismay that her kitchen counter by the fridge was already lined with empty bottles. He sat back down with a groan, ripping the letter from her hands. "Let's have a read, shall we?"

"Nick, it's nothing, it's old. It's not important," she said quickly.

"Old? Not important? I made you breakfast _two days ago_ and you write about how mine isn't as good as hers," he said indidnantly. "What is this? I can never measure up?"

"It was a bad breakup," Lena defended herself, her voice raising an octave. "It was horrible and messy and she left without so much as a goodbye." Her voice caught on the word 'she' but she cleared her throat. "You are important to me, so you can't—please don't go, not over something as silly as the letter of an angry woman."

"Angry woman? You think I'm stupid? This isn't some 'silly letter', this is...I don't know what this is but it's not inconsequential." He took a swig of beer and started reading aloud in a monotone. "'Kara. Please come back, I can't do this without you. I know we left things badly and I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by staying with Nicholas, but I know I loved you. I am still in love with you and a love like that isn't something you give up on easily. So I'm not giving up on you. I'm waiting in case you change your mind, so that if you ever miss me you know you can come home to me. Please come home.'" He crumpled up the letter and tossed it away, looking her in the eye. "I mean, what the hell, Lena. Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" The sight of her emotions crumpled up on the floor threatened to choke her and she swallowed past the lump in her throat, her back stiff.

Nicholas scratched his head and stood up. "Do you not want to be with me?"

The thought struck her that after everything she had done she would end up alone, pining after Kara, and she rebelled. "I do, I do! Want to be with you." She stood and grabbed his hand but he didn't return the gesture.

"Do you love me?"

"I—" Her breath caught and she looked at the ground. _I am a terrible person._ When she looked back up at him his face had darkened and she knit her eyebrows. "What's that look for?"

His arm came up in a deadly arc and she barely had time to blink before he had slapped her across the face. She stumbled back, dropping his hand and clutching her cheek with a cry of pain and surprise. Peering through her haze she saw him standing over her and his face flickered, transforming him into her mother for half a moment. _This isn't real._ The walls were closing in on her and she took deep breaths, her hand still on her cheek.

"You mean to say you've been leading me on? Is anything you say true?"

She let her her hand fall as she felt the blood rushing to her face, a mixture of shame and anger that made her eyes defiant. He must have seen it because the second her hand left her face his own came up again and struck her, sending her reeling back. Before she had the chance to say anything he smashed the beer bottle on the floor and slammed the bedroom door on her, leaving her alone, her cheeks burning.

Surveying the mess she ran a hand through her hair and tried to pull herself back to the present but her survival instincts were kicking in, she was already gone. She knelt down and started gathering up the pieces of broken glass, unaware that it was cutting into her hands. When she looked down and saw drops of blood dotting her white dress pants, something in her mind shifted and she rose on unsteady legs to knock on the bedroom door. After a few knocks it opened and Nicholas stood there with his shirt off. He took one look at her; her blank stare, the blood on her hands, her hunched shoulders, and sighed. "I'm so sorry, Lena. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean any of it. I know you've had a hard time with the people closest to you and if you weren't ready to say it I shouldn't have pushed you." Lena didn't say anything and he slowly uncurled her fingers, prying the broken glass from her grasp. "Baby, let go. Let it go." He tossed the glass away and swept her up bridal style, carrying her to the bed. The emptiness in her eyes made him feel even worse and he brushed her hair away from her face, kissing her forehead. "I'm so sorry."

* * *

"I have been trying and trying to understand but you are making this impossible. Alex, I just want to have a wedding, is that so hard?"

"And _I'm_ trying to keep my family together. Kara is off doing god knows what and only calls me once a week and dad goes for his appointments with _her_ but I don't know if he's ready. One more week," Alex pleaded.

"I already had the invitations made from the list we had so you've only got two weeks to put it off. Don't get cold feet on me, Danvers."

J'onn waved her over and Alex groaned. "Okay, okay. I'll see you later." She walked over to him, her hands on her hips. "What's up?"

"There's a disturbance in midtown, looks like a Cadmus-coordinated attack."

"Did you ask Lena's mother?"

Rubbing the back of his neck, J'onn sat down. "I did. The only good thing about having her hologram here is the information. Otherwise, it makes me uneasy."

"Well what did she say?"

"Her death set certain wheels in motion. There are things that even she doesn't know because she put the answers in the hands of her second-in-command, and the agent is asking for him." He looked up at her.

"Absolutely not."

"There's no other choice, Alex."

"He's not ready."

"He's more ready than you're willing to admit."

Crossing her arms, she frowned. "Then I'm not ready. I'm vetoing it."

"Veto?" He raised an eyebrow. "That's a power specific to the government and unhappy mothers. We are a black ops department and I am your superior. If I tell you to do something, you do it." His voice raised and Alex stepped back, narrowing her eyes.

"What is it that's bothering you?"

Sighing again, J'onn steepled his fingers and rested his head on them. "It's harder to manage with Supergirl on the other side of the world. And now, needing Jeremiah in the field—I would just feel more confident if she were here."

"I can handle my father." Alex put a comforting arm on his shoulder. "I'll go get him. Send me the location." She headed for the conference room that Jeremiah spent his time in while she was at work. When she burst into the room she interrupted a video call between her parents; Jeremiah blushed and tried to cover the screen.

"Alex!"

"What the fuck, dad! I _work_ here!"

He pulled his pants up hastily while Eliza ducked out of the camera's view. "Honey, you should've knocked."

"Is that why you're sitting in the corner with the screen covering your—gross! Get up. We have somewhere to be."

"Hi sweetie," Eliza called from the computer.

"Hi mom." Alex averted her eyes and shuddered. "We're leaving. No news on Kara," she said shortly. She dragged her father out of the room by his collar much to his chagrin and the amusement of the other agents. Stopping before the truck, she pointed a finger at him. "We are never speaking of this _ever_ again."

He nodded quickly, his implanted eyes darting around. "It's human nature, but fine, no problem."

"Shut up." They filed into the back of the truck and he grinned, sitting down.

"You know we've done it before."

"I said shut up."

"We had you." He bumped her knee and the other agents looked between themselves nervously, the expression on Alex's face setting them on edge.

"I will shoot you myself."

They sat in silence for the rest of the ride while J'onn debriefed them. Apparently the Cadmus agent had started shooting in a crowded mall, trying to hit as many people as she could. She had been Jeremiah's direct subordinate and it was reported that she asked for him by name. The car pulled to a stop and J'onn gave them a few more details. "Doctor Danvers, we need you out in the field today but don't be a hero."

"Yes, sir." He checked the gun at his waist and got ready to confront the agent.

* * *

Kara's phone rang and she sat up in bed, the covers falling down. "Mom, I'm really busy," she lied.

"Hi honey. Just wanted to remind you that Thanksgiving is coming up and it would be really great it you could be there. Please try to make Thanksgiving. It's in a week, and then the wedding is pretty soon after that."

Kara looked out the window of her new bedroom. She had since gotten in touch with U.S. Intelligence operations stationed in other parts of the globe and after a brief stint in the middle east was staying in London. They had asked her to stay in France for a while, specifically Paris, but the city of love was too sore a topic for her. London was fit for her, a rainy town that went with her rainy mood; what with all the crimes being committed by regular people she felt more needed in the British city anyway. "I'll try," she huffed. It was getting close to one in the morning and she lay down, the phone on speaker resting by her head. "How's Alex?"

"Not taking it well. She had to go with Jeremiah to bring in a Cadmus agent. It went fine as far as I know but she misses you. When are you coming back for good?"

She tried to think of an answer but as always, Lena popped into her head. Lena, with her perfect hair and perfect voice and perfect lips. Lena who had slept with someone else and then gone and done it again in the same day. She couldn't face her without some sort of implosion happening inside so she was putting it off as long as she could. It wasn't reasonable, she left her life, her family, her friends. Then again she never could be reasonable when it came to Lena. "Soon."

"I hope so. I miss you too." Eliza watched the clock tick on the wall and sighed. "How are you?"

"Good," Kara yawned. "I'm in London now. I'm glad I'm getting to see so much of the world, I was getting too wrapped up in one city."

"London? I haven't been there since ninety-seven. Is Doctor Vaughn still the head physician at University of Cambridge?"

"I don't know. I'm actually really tired, I think I'm going to sleep soon. I'll talk to you later?"

"Sure, no problem. Get some sleep, I love you."

"I love you too." Kara ended the call and fell back, staring at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the city; buses and people chatting to each other as they walked down the street, their accents sounding so classy compared to what she was used to. She could hear the ocean easily, and the large bodies of water that surrounded England. She could hear as far as a boat several miles out and then nothing; no sound of an American accent, no sound of Lena pacing her office late at night, no sound of Lena getting ready for bed. The brunette had been on Kara's mind every second of every day, like she was tuned into a Lena-only show that she couldn't switch out of. Everywhere she went she thought she saw her, she constantly heard her voice during the day and in her dreams. She had left the country to get the beautiful woman out of her mind but it seemed to have the opposite effect, and every time she thought about it she didn't know if she felt more angry or depressed. Rolling over in bed she tried to pretend that Lena was with her, that she was an arm's reach away, that she hadn't broken her heart, but there was no one there.

* * *

Lena found herself yet again cleaning up Nicholas' mess. He hadn't even meant to spill the pasta salad all over her floor, he was too drunk to know what he was doing, yet here she was, on her hands and knees cleaning it up. He had apologized profusely but the part of her that had been brought up properly said 'no, it's fine' and started cleaning while he disappeared to take a shower.

"I'm so sorry." He appeared in the doorway in boxers and a t-shirt. "I didn't mean to."

"Nicholas, it's okay. Stop apologizing." She smiled up at him and he bent down to kiss her before going over to the cabinets and taking out a bottle of wine. She watched in dismay as he opened it, pouring himself a full glass. "Don't you think you've had enough?"

Something in the air snapped and he turned on her. "Why? Can you not afford another bottle?"

"I can, I just think we should go to bed," she said carefully. The last week had revealed Nicholas' surprisingly short temper, the charming man could be surprisingly nasty when he wanted to but growing up in a house full of truly horrible people had trained her for this.

"You don't get to tell me what to do just because we're in your apartment. I've invited you to mine but you won't come over." Her phone rang and he squinted at her. "Who is that?"

"It's just Sam. I should probably take that, it could be work."

"No. Look at me when I'm talking to you." He swallowed a mouthful of wine and set the glass down, waiting for her to put the phone away. "Why do you act like you don't want me here?"

"I do want you here, I do. I just thought maybe you'd had enough to drink. I can help you to bed if you'd like." She rose and gently touched his arm.

He shoved her back and she hit the counter, her hands bracing out to stop her momentum. "I don't need your help. I don't need your charity."

"That's not what I meant, I'm just tired Nick." She looked at him with worry in her eyes. _He's drunk. He won't remember this in the morning._ "I want to go to sleep."

"We haven't had sex in two days."

"Two days isn't that long a time," she pointed out.

He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to him; she resisted for a second but one look in his eyes and she let him kiss her. "I want to fuck you," he growled, shoving her to the bedroom.

 _I deserve this,_ Lena thought as she took her clothes off, moving with him. She lay down as he pulled his boxers off then grabbed his shoulders, bringing him closer. His brown eyes bored into hers and she held back a gasp when he entered her unexpectedly. It was uncomfortable but she didn't care, she was used to it. Here was a man that everyone thought was good, that everyone thought went well with her—who was she to argue? She let her mind wander as he moved back and forth, thinking about all the work she had to do.

"Are you paying attention?"

Lena blinked, focusing on his now-sweaty face. "Yes."

"No, you're not." His fingers dug into her collarbones and she flinched away but he forced her to look him in the eye. "Why don't you look at me when I'm fucking you?"

"I'm looking at you now," she said with a hint of fear. Not misplaced fear because a second later he had backhanded her across the face.

"You never give me any goddamn respect," he growled. "I deserve better than this."

 _I don't._ "I'm sorry," she said reflexively, reaching for her clothes. The familiar burn in her cheek had woken her up like a shot of caffeine and she suddenly felt dirty, like she wasn't supposed to be there.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" His first came out of nowhere and she let out a cry, falling off the bed. His body language completely changed and he knelt over her, his hands hovering over her naked body. "Lena, I'm so sorry. I don't know what happened, I just—oh my god are you okay?"

Every bone in her body revolted at his presence. She pushed him away and stood up, the whole right side of her face throbbing. "I'm going to shower." Humiliation rose in her throat and she closed the bathroom door, starting the shower without really seeing it. As the hot water drummed against the tub she walked by the mirror and froze. Her eye had red welts around it, one particularly nasty one from the college ring he still wore. "What are you doing, Lena?" she muttered to herself softly, her fingers resting on her cheek. Stepping into the shower she rinsed away the pain and shame under steaming hot water, resetting her body for the day. _Everything is fine._ _He just lost his temper, he got a little out of control._ She felt safe with him, she was supposed to be with him even if they were both unhappy. _Everything is fine._

By the time she came out of the shower Nicholas had calmed down and was reading a book with the bedside lamp on. He looked up as she sat down. "Hey."

"What are you reading?" She pulled her hair up into a bun and stretched, not looking at him.

"Anna Karenina. Tolstoy really knows a lot about the human condition."

"Hm."

He reached over to her side of the bed and gently hugged her from behind. "I'm really sorry. I am." He had put on cologne, she could tell, and she leaned into him, letting him spoon her.

"I know," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Thank you for being here." He pulled the covers over their bodies and kissed her cheek, light as a feather.

"I love you."

* * *

When Lena woke up the first thing she saw was a note. Her right eye felt swollen and as she reached for the paper she could still feel his fingers in her collarbones; the note lifted to reveal a pill bottle.

 _Got these for you. Sorry about last night. Nick._

She stared at the bottle for a long ten minutes, deliberating. _Do I really want to go down that road again?_ Her cheek ached and the humiliation from last night washed over her, forcing her hand forward. The rattling of the pills reverberated in her ears as she read the label. _Vicodin._ Acting on its own, her hand plucked two out and brought them to her lips where she hesitated before swallowing them.

 ** _Ring. Ring._**

 _Shit._ "Sam, hi."

"Are you coming by later? We have to talk about the stats from this month."

Lena walked over to her closet waiting for the pills to kick in. "I can be there in half an hour." She rifled through her clothes and threw something on, not paying attention.

"Great! See you then. Are you still coming to Alex's for Thanksgiving? Ruby will be in town."

Her heart stuttered. _Alex. Kara. Kara wouldn't want me to do this._ She wished she could take everything back; sleeping with Nicholas, the last few weeks, the pills she had just swallowed.

"Lena? You still there?"

"I don't think Alex wants me there," she said hoarsely.

"Bullshit, you're coming if I have to drag you myself. Just maybe don't bring Nicholas." Sam hung up and rested her head on her chin as she skimmed through the dossier. She was trying to get a work situation under control with a business she had acquired that wasn't doing as well as she'd hoped. Nicholas Masterson, Lena's new boyfriend, had run a biohazard company that they had decided to buy but it seemed like a sham. He was always in the office getting paid and doing work but there were never any results to the work he claimed to be doing.

She was still deep in thought when Lena arrived, looking up as the younger the office and smiled. "Hey there, pretty lady. How are you?" She didn't claim to understand how Lena's mind worked though she knew her better than anyone—anyone except Kara—and yet, she couldn't for the life of her understand her and Nicholas' relationship. Lena had always been like a dog with a bone with Kara, her only end goal was to end up with the blonde so why was she throwing it all away?

"Good morning." Lena was wearing a large pair of sunglasses and Sam raised an eyebrow.

"Is it that sunny in late November?"

"Migraine." Lena waved away her concerns and sat down on the couch. "Nick's company still isn't doing well?"

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I was looking into it and it doesn't seem like it was ever doing well." Sam handed her the file and frowned. Lena had had a certain style of dressing ever since she was in college; professional, put-together, sexy. But today she had on skinny jeans and a turtleneck sweater and coupled with her sunglasses it seemed like she was trying to fly under the radar. "Rough night?"

"What?" Lena looked up in alarm but when she saw that Sam was only joking she relaxed. "Something like that."

Sensing that something was off, Sam sat down next to her. "Did you get my call last night?"

"Yeah, sorry. I was busy. Nicholas wanted to have sex," Lena said bluntly, shifting away from Sam.

Sam's eyebrows knit and she frowned. "It sounds like you didn't."

"I did," Lena said quickly. "I enjoyed it. We've just got a lot of work to do."

"Are you sure that's the only thing bothering you? You seem a little...I don't know, weird."

Lena nodded slowly. "Like I said, migraine." She kept reading the files as though Sam didn't exist and the older woman narrowed her eyes.

"This is the second time in less than a week that you've had a migraine bad enough that you needed sunglasses indoors and you haven't had a migraine in all the years I've known you."

"People change," Lena snapped.

"No kidding." Sam got up to pour herself a glass of water, bringing one to Lena. "Want to talk about it?" she said gently.

"There's nothing to talk about." Lena closed the file and sat back. "We need to work on this turnaround. Make a profit. L Corp is so invested in science, how is it we can't find a market for biohazard material handling? We literally create the market for things like that." She eyed Sam and blew out a breath. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"No reason." Sam hesitated, her gut telling her not to drop it. "Actually, there is something. Could you take a look at something down at the lab?"

Lena stood up, relieved to have something to do that was science-based and would keep her busy. "Of course, what's it for?"

"Just a little project I'm working on."

They rode down the elevator in silence, Sam stealing glances at Lena while concern knotted her stomach.

"Where is it?"

"Just over there." Sam pointed to a microscope and Lena walked over.

"You said this was for a project?" She let her hair down, obscuring her face as she took the sunglasses off to peer into the microscope. "This looks like human heart tissue. What project is this?"

While Lena was immersed in the viewfinder, Sam stepped around her and her breath caught when she saw Lena's face. There were dark bruises around her right eye and a painful-looking welt just underneath. Her cheek was slightly swollen and she was having a hard time keeping her eye shut. "The project's called stop lying to me and tell me what's going on."

Lena's body tensed and she pulled back from the microscope, turning away from Sam. "I don't know what you're—"

"Cut the crap, Lena. You look like you lost a fight with a wrestler."

"I dropped something."

"On your face?"

"I tripped over it. Hit my face on the counter," she mumbled, sliding the sunglasses back on and hiding from Sam's prying eyes.

"Lena, don't lie to me."

At the word 'lie', her body tensed and she clenched her jaw, defensive anger rising up inside her. "How dare you accuse me of lying to you?"

"Then why won't you look me in the eye?" Sam refused to back down.

Lena heard the change in Sam's tone and her walls went up. "I don't have to explain myself to you. I'm going back to the office. I suggest you find somewhere else to be." She left the lab without looking back and Sam watched her go, her arms crossed.

When she got to the office Lena headed straight for the couch, lying down once the door closed behind her. A part of her felt relieved that Sam had noticed, the other part of her was weighed down by so much shame and guilt that she felt she needed to defend Nicholas. It wasn't his fault that she couldn't get over Kara, it wasn't his fault that she was using him to do just that. Opening her purse she took out the bottle of Vicodin and downed another two before falling asleep on the couch.

Sam walked in around lunch time. She knocked on the door twice but after no answer assumed that Lena had gone out and pushed the door open only to see her friend passed out on her couch, her body curled in on itself. As she approached the sleeping woman she paused, taking out her phone. "Please don't wake up," she muttered to herself, carefully removing the over-sized sunglasses. Making sure the sound was off she took a few photos of Lena's eye, sympathetic tears welling up in her own eyes. She stood back, the sunglasses dangling from her hand and Lena seemed to sense her because her eyes opened a fraction.

"Sam?" she mumbled sleepily. "How did I get here? What are you..." She covered her face with her hands, sitting up. "It's not what it looks like." Seeing Sam's expression of disbelief she hurried to explain herself. "I fell and hit my face on the corner of the table."

Sam's eyebrows knit and she handed Lena back her Oakley's. "Really? Because last time you said you dropped something."

Lena froze. "I did?"

"You don't remember?"

Shaking her head, Lena hid her face. "No, I...you wanted to do something in the lab, I remember."

"We already did that," Sam said sadly. "Are you going to tell me what's going on now?"

"Nothing is going on," Lena said harshly, gathering up her things. "Get off my case, Sam, and run my company." Shoving the sunglasses back on she stood to leave but the door opened.

"We're in the middle of something," Sam said without looking as Lena turned to see who had barged in.

"Nicholas." The relief in her voice was unmistakable and Sam looked at her incredulously.

He smiled, a row of perfect teeth that Sam immediately didn't trust. "Someone said you were in here. Got time for lunch?"

Leaning back for a kiss, Lena smiled back and looped her arm through his. "I always have time for you." They left Sam in the office, talking and laughing as the door closed.

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry again. Did you get my present?"

"It's okay. Stop worrying about me, I can take care of myself." Lena pulled him closer as they left the building, trying to steal his body heat the way she always used to steal Kara's.

"I know you can." He kissed her again, blocking the sidewalk traffic for a moment before noticing a camera man at the end of the block. "Ugh, the paparazzi's back."

Lena followed his line of sight and groaned. "It's died down. Let's just get into a restaurant."

"Wait. I want to try something." Nicholas stared directly at the camera then swung Lena down and kissed her, a long, deep kiss that took her breath away. The camera man got closer and closer until they could both hear the shutter going off a hundred times a second and he pulled her back up, grinning. She was laughing nervously, a little shocked at the sudden motion.

"Nicholas, not for the cameras," she hit his arm playfully while he tipped his hat to the paparazzi. Wheeling around they started in the opposite direction and walked past the L-Corp entrance before turning onto the main street and into a pizza place.

"What can I get you?"

"Large vegetable pizza please," he ordered and they sat down. "You should take those off," he pointed to her shades.

She looked away, playing with a corner of her napkin. "I don't want to."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to feel bad," she said truthfully. "Out of sight, out of mind, right?" _Except for Kara._

He bit his lip. "I deserve to feel bad. Take them off." When she slid them off he took a deep breath and reached for her hand. "I'm so sorry," he said again. "I love you, I never meant to hurt you. Do you forgive me?"

He was looking at her so earnestly that Lena felt she had no other option. "Of course I forgive you. I'm still here, aren't I?" _Unlike a certain someone who flew across the globe to get away from me._ She smiled at him, hoping he couldn't sense what she was thinking about.

"Yes, you are." Right then the pizza arrived and he leaned away, offering her a slice. "Ma'am," he said jokingly, the cheese stretching across the table.

"Thank you, kind sir." She laughed when he bit into his slice too early and it burned the roof of his mouth. "You should be more careful."

He stuck his tongue out at her and chugged a cup of water. "They didn't say it would be hot."

"It was steaming!"

"There was no label," he reasoned, blowing on it to cool it down.

 _Kara could've cooled it down in seconds,_ she thought to herself. Tearing her mind away from the blonde who was most likely not thinking of her, she took a small bite. "This is amazing. I haven't had pizza since..." She trailed off. The last time she'd had pizza was with Kara, a week before she'd bought Nicholas' company.

"Pizza is a great food for any occasion." He reached across the table and held her hand, his other hand bringing the pizza to his lips. "It's still hot!"

"Take a smaller bite then," she laughed, neither of them seeing Sam standing at the door. She'd followed them on the street and watched their interaction.

 _Why is she hiding things from me?_ Nicholas seemed like a nice man but the way he'd kissed her outside...there was something territorial about it. And Lena hadn't reacted like she was madly in love, she looked like she was tolerating the kiss before he broke it. Determined to get to the bottom of it, she pulled out her phone. It picked up on the third ring and she exhaled. "Alex? I need your help."


	38. 38) Thanksgiving

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Eliza opened the door to Alex's apartment and hugged Sam. "Let me take your coat. I'm so glad you could make it! And you must be Ruby." She shook her hand. "I've heard a lot about you. You're how old, thirteen?"

"Fourteen," Ruby said proudly. "My birthday was last month."

"Fourteen!" Eliza bent down to the young girl's height. "You know, when my girls were fourteen they got into a lot of trouble. Especially Alex. She was always out late, causing headaches for me and her dad. But I bet you're an angel."

"Sometimes," Sam cut in. "She's only an angel when she feels like it. Now Ruby, remember what I said about Alex's dad?" she said, seeing Jeremiah walking towards them. Eliza took the pie Sam had brought and went to arrange the overflowing table.

Ruby nodded. "He was in an accident."

"That's right. So be polite." Sam smiled and held out her hand but Jeremiah pulled her into a hug. "Oh."

"Alex has told me what you've done for her this last year. I can't thank you enough," he said in her ear.

"Just helping out a friend." She stepped back as Jeremiah took a knee, looking at Ruby. Sam groaned internally at the expression on Ruby's face; she knew all too well what was coming.

"And what's your name?"

"Ruby." The girl pursed her lips but Jeremiah could see the questions forming and he smiled at her.

"Go ahead and ask me."

Ruby looked to her mom for confirmation and when Sam rolled her eyes and nodded, she exploded with questions. "How do your eyes work? Can you see through your eyelids? Does the light hurt them? Who made them for you? If someone pokes you in the eye can you feel it, or does it just go back into your head? Do you need contacts?"

Jeremiah chuckled and stood up, Ruby following him as he headed to the seating area where Alex, Maggie and Eliza were all chatting. "I hurt my eyes while I was working and your mom's friend Lena made me some new ones."

At Lena's name Alex looked up and met Sam's eyes. The older woman had asked her to invite Lena to Thanksgiving a week ago and Alex had reluctantly acquiesced. She still was angry towards her but at a time where one was supposed to be grateful for their family, she couldn't very well leave Lena to eat Thanksgiving dinner alone at her desk. She knew a small percent of the reason she was so mad at the CEO was because she considered her to be a part of her family and she didn't want to have any more of her family missing from the holidays. A knock at the door sent Sam back to the entrance and when she opened it her jaw dropped.

"Kara?" Alex was the first to speak, rising halfway out of her seat next to Maggie.

The blonde woman waved and gave Sam a sheepish smile, one hand holding a wicker basket. "Hi."

"Kara!" Alex ran towards her sister and Sam had the wherewithal to grab the basket before Alex barreled past her, launching herself at her sister. Everyone looked away while the two embraced. "I thought you weren't coming!" Alex said breathlessly when she finally let go. "I thought you were staying in Russia or Ireland or wherever the hell you were! I invited—" Her face fell and she watched Kara's expression carefully, holding her sister at an arm's length. "I invited Lena."

Kara's eyes widened but she didn't say anything, swallowing. "That's fine," she said after a moment. "I haven't seen her in a while. We should probably catch up." She let her sister pull her inside as Sam looked into the basket.

"What's this?"

Turning around to answer her, Kara's face paled. "Shepard's...pie, from London," she said faintly.

Lena was standing in the open doorway, hesitating. She had on a dress that made Kara want to melt through the floor and a long wool coat that Kara had bought her the second month they were dating. She looked as perfect as ever, as though the last month hadn't even happened. There was a light mark by her eye that Kara skimmed past, focusing instead on the brunette's lips when she talked. "Happy Thanksgiving."

No one moved until Sam broke the tension. "Happy Thanksgiving," she said, wrapping Lena in a hug. Kara saw her wince when Sam's arms went around her but she shook her head and stared at the ground. She could hear Lena's heart beating across the room and she swallowed again, her own heart thudding painfully in her chest.

"Aunt Lena!" Ruby ran up to her and Lena bent down.

"Who's my favorite fourteen year-old?" She asked with a smile, holding her arms out.

"Me!" Ruby hugged her and Lena kept her face blank. When Sam had put her arms around her she'd brushed against her back. Two nights ago she and Nicholas had gotten into a fight and he had pushed her into the counter, which had come up to meet her lower back with bruising force. She had already taken a Vicodin to get her through the day and there were two more in he purse to get her through dinner. "I thought I wouldn't get to see you before I had to go back to school."

"I wouldn't miss seeing you," Lena said, reaching into her purse. "And I got you a birthday present." She held the package out to Ruby and the girl took it, tearing open the envelope.

"A subscription to the New England Journal of Medicine!" She squealed and shoved the paper in her mother's face, oblivious to the tense atmosphere of the room. Eagerly opening the package she gasped. "And a _drone!_ Can I go try it out?"

"Right now?" Sam glanced at Lena but the brunette had her eyes fixed on Kara who was obsessively moving the food around the table.

Alex stood up. "I'll take her. There's a park nearby, we'll be back before the turkey's ready."

"You don't have to—"

"It's fine." The older Danvers brushed past Lena and took her and Ruby's coats off the rack. "Come on, Rube." The excited girl ran out the door after giving Lena another rushed 'Thank you!' and Alex hurried after her. "Ruby, you have to put on your coat!"

Eliza had gotten up with her daughter and hugged Lena as the door closed. "Thanks for coming. Happy Thanksgiving."

Lena smiled at her, tearing her eyes away from Kara who had taken her sister's spot on the couch. "Well, it beats pre-cooked turkey and the view from my office window."

"I thought we invited your friend but it looks like he didn't come with you," Eliza said quietly, with a pointed look at Alex.

"He's got family in Texas, he's visiting them for the holidays," Lena explained.

Kara couldn't help herself and she snorted. "Texas. Wow."

Lena looked at the ground. "I didn't think to bring anything, I'm so sorry," she said to Eliza, ignoring Kara's comment.

"Don't worry about it, dear. There's plenty of food."

The rest of the time passed more smoothly; Lena chatted mostly with Maggie and Sam. An hour later Eve arrived and they all sat in the corner talking among themselves. Not a single person in the room missed the glances Kara and Lena were shooting each other but Kara didn't say anything to her and Lena kept her head down when James and Lucy Skyped in for a few minutes and everyone fawned over their new baby. Alex came bustling back in with Ruby, bringing a gust of cold air with them and then the turkey was ready.

"Who's carving?" Eliza called out from by the oven.

"I'll do it," Alex offered, reaching for the knife.

Jeremiah beat her to it and smiled. "Let me."

After a moment's hesitation she nodded, stepping back. Everyone sat down and helped themselves to the food and wine; Kara, Ruby and Alex were the only ones drinking water and Sam shot her a glance but Alex waved at her to pour herself a glass. "Don't worry about me." Lena was sitting directly opposite from Kara and they both stared at their plates the entire time, occasionally interjecting their own version of whatever story was being told. There was a tense moment when Kara asked for the salt, not realizing it was by Lena's hand and the brunette handed it to her wordlessly. Their fingers brushed for a moment and Kara froze as the rest of the table laughed around them while Eliza told a story about her and Alex growing up, Alex protesting in embarrassment.

"I'd like to make a toast." Jeremiah stood up. "I know it's been a hard, long road getting this family together, but I'm thankful for everyone that's helped me. Especially Winn." The table grew somber and Alex wiped away tears. Clearing his throat, Jeremiah continued. "To absent friends."

"To absent friends," the table echoed. Everyone drank and conversation slowly resumed until they had all eaten their fill and scattered into the living room while Jeremiah put away the food.

"Kara, sweetie, you've barely said a word all evening." Eliza took the empty chair next to her daughter.

Kara sat back, her stomach about to burst. She had eaten a third of the food herself, her metabolism speeding up as she plowed through each course. "Just missing people, I guess."

"Are you talking about Winn or Lena?"

Sighing, the young woman put her head in her hands. Eliza knew, Eliza always knew. "Both," she admitted, watching Lena laugh with Eve and Maggie. Alex was talking to Sam by the door and Kara tried to listen in on their conversation.

"I asked her about it and she said it was nothing, but there's proof in these pictures. Would you ask her? Maybe she'll tell you."

"I'm not feeling particularly charitable towards Lena at the moment," Alex huffed.

"I know that, but this is serious. She would probably tell you before she told me, she's already seen you hit rock bottom."

Alex made a face. "Ouch. Aren't you the one who puked up pills on her bathroom floor?"

"Just ask her, will you?" Ruby ran over to them, eager to show her mother her birthday present. "For me."

With a groan, Alex gave in. "Okay," she said through a smile at Ruby. "If I can get her alone, I'll bring it up."

Trying and failing to focus on her conversation with Eliza, Kara scrunched up her nose. _What could they be talking about?_

"I think you should talk to her," Eliza suggested.

"Who?"

"The woman you keep staring at."

Kara blushed. "I'm not staring at her."

"Yes you are. And everyone but her has noticed. The same way she's been watching you since she came in and you're too dumb to see it," Eliza said with an air of superiority. "I know you, Kara. I know you still love her."

"Keep your voice down," Kara hissed.

"So I'm right," Eliza said triumphantly. "What are you waiting for? Go get her back. She's not happy with that boy and they both know it."

"She _slept_ with _that boy_ ," Kara said bitterly, "And according to the covers of the tabloids, she seems perfectly happy with him."

"If she's perfectly happy with him then why isn't he here with her? Why isn't she with him? She chose to come to your sister's Thanksgiving without him, knowing your sister holds a grudge a mile wide against her. Why?"

Sensing her mind wandering into the 'what ifs' that had plagued her every waking moment, Kara stood up. "I'm going to help dad do the dishes," she said abruptly. Eliza raised an eyebrow but went to join them at the sink without a word.

Alex had slowly been working her way over to Lena and sat down next to Eve. "Is this seat taken?"

"Not at all." Eve moved over and offered her the open bottle of champagne. "Bubbly?"

"You know what," Maggie cut in quickly, seeing Alex's eyes fasten on the bottle, "Why don't we go get some more ice?"

"Sure thing." Eve jumped up and they got ready to leave, bundling up against the cold.

Lena regarded her with a cool expression as Alex settled down. "Something you want to ask me?" She was fairly tipsy from the Vicodin and alcohol in her.

Alex crossed her legs and hugged a pillow to her chest. "She's cute, isn't she?" she said with a nod to Ruby.

"Yeah, she is." Lena relaxed when Alex didn't immediately attack her. "Oh!" she exclaimed, setting down her glass. "Her birthday present! I should give it to her."

Despite the animosity between them, Alex's face darkened with a mixture of confusion and concern. "You already gave it to her."

"I did?" Embarrassment colored her cheeks and she picked up her glass, gulping down more champagne.

Alex nodded slowly. "A science journal subscription and a drone. I took her to the park to play with it."

"Oh. That's good," Lena said shortly. Her glass was empty and she reached for the bottle but Alex stopped her.

"Are you okay?" she asked quietly, genuine worry in her tone.

"Never better." Lena wouldn't meet Alex's eyes.

Alex bit her lip, not sure how to approach the subject. Might as well rip the band aid off. "I'm a fighter, Lena, I've been hit in the face before. And my eye looked just like yours did afterwards."

"I told you I'm—"

"Fine?" Alex held up her phone, the photo that Sam had taken of Lena's black eye glaring back at her.

"Put that away," Lena hissed under her breath, shoving Alex's hand down.

"Come on, Lena. You're smarter than this. You shouldn't be with someone who hurts you."

Lena matched her stare defiantly. "Everyone hurts me." She stood, ready to move to another part of the room and Alex grabbed the back of the heavy coat she'd worn all through dinner. It slipped off her shoulders and down her back and Alex gasped loudly, pulling everyone's attention to their side of the room.

"Alex? What's wrong?" Kara spoke up, not looking at Lena.

Lena's backless dress left her skin exposed, skin that had been covered up by her coat. It was a patchwork of bruises in various stages of healing, some dark purple, some yellow. There was one right across her back, an angry-looking line that had to have been recent. A dark, discolored spot at the base of her neck had some deep scratches around it, like someone had broken glass on her skin, and Alex's eyes widened. "How long..."

"How dare you," Lena said angrily, tears of humiliation threatening to show themselves. Yanking her coat out of Alex's stunned grasp, she pulled it back on with a wince that Kara didn't miss. Looking around her she realized everyone was staring at her and stormed out of the apartment without another word.

"What just happened?" Eliza asked her daughter.

Alex shot a glance at Sam, who made a cutting motion at her neck. "I'm not sure," she said slowly.

"Is Lena alright?" Eliza asked the question on Kara's mind, seeing the tendons standing out in her neck.

"I'm not sure," Alex said again. "Sam, could you—"

"Absolutely. I'll be right back, Ruby. Stay with Alex."

"Is Aunt Lena okay?"

"I'm sure she's fine, baby. I'm going to go check on her." Sam kissed her daughter and ran out after her friend, nearly bumping into Maggie and Eve on her way out.

Maggie looked around the room seeing Kara's concerned expression and Alex's shocked one and raised her eyebrows. "What's going on with those two?"

"Beats me. Alex won't tell anyone." Kara turned back to the sink, pretending like she wasn't dying to know what her sister had seen. No one said anything while she and her father reset the kitchen, Sam's return the only thing interrupting the silence.

"She is _not_ in a good mood. Hey Ruby we should get going, it's getting late," Sam called to her daughter.

"Did she say anything to you?"

"Not really," Sam said, dodging Kara's question. The look on the blonde woman's face had her reconsidering and she rubbed her temples. "I'll call you tomorrow. There's something you should know."

"About Lena?"

Sam nodded. "About Lena and Nicholas."

Kara exhaled at the man's name. "Never mind. I don't want to hear it." She wiped her hands dry and gave her mother a hug, suddenly eager to get out of the room of people staring at her like she was about to break. "Tell me when you're leaving, we should have lunch before you go."

"And me." Jeremiah hugged his daughter. "I'm going back to Midvale with your mother."

"What?" Alex barely felt the shock but it was evident in her voice. "You were going to leave without telling me?"

"I was going to tell you tonight, things just got a little...busy." He shrugged. "We can talk about it later.

Eve stood awkwardly at the door. "I'll get going too," she said with a smile at Kara's family. "Thanks for having me, you're a wonderful cook."

Everyone went through another round of hugs before they left, Alex holding onto Kara a little longer than she needed to. "You're staying, right?" she whispered.

"Yes, I'm staying. I have no idea what I'm going to do about a job and everything else, but this is my home."

"You have a job, you can run Cat Co."

Kara stepped back. " _Lena_ runs Cat Co," she pointed out. "I don't exactly want to see her every day."

Alex pursed her lips. "You shouldn't let something like that stop you from doing what you want."

"Something like her breaking my heart?" Kara shook her head. "I'm not ready. I'm trying so hard not to go after her right now, imagine if I had to do that every day."

"I'm just saying. Some things are worth suffering for." She thought about Lena's bruises and shuddered, handing Kara her coat. "You should talk to Sam. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Kara nodded and left, heading for her apartment.

* * *

A week passed and Kara still hadn't gone into the Cat Co. building. She had started working from home, coordinating with the other editors and settling back in her life in National City, but she was too afraid of the possibility of running into Lena and Nicholas so she stayed inside. She lived off of takeout and the occasional grocery run, always done around eleven or twelve at night when she was certain no one would see her. She hadn't spoken to Sam since Thanksgiving and no one had mentioned Lena to her; for all she knew Lena could've been out of the country. Except sometimes, when she was just waking up or about to fall asleep she found herself listening for the familiar heartbeat, the sound of Lena's soul.

"Focus, Kara. You have an article to write." She gripped her pencil so tightly that it snapped in her hands and she threw it away in frustration, the pieces disappearing into the corner of her room. She had been trying to write all day about greenhouse gases and how to combat their effects using a device Lena was developing but wasn't getting anywhere. Sighing, she stood up to retrieve the broken pencil and saw with dismay it had landed on an old Cat Co. magazine issue. It was the issue with her interview in it, the one she had done for Lena. It seemed like a distant memory but it had really only been a few months ago that she had sat down with James; the picture of Lena on the cover made her angrily open the magazine. Inside the cover was no better, it was a picture of them walking into Cat Co. together. She found herself flipping through the magazine and opened to the page with her interview.

 _There is quite a lot of controversy surrounding the long-time friend and more recently, lover of National City's local billionaire. Kara Danvers, the new co-chair of Cat Co. Worldwide Media, joined me for an interview on life, love and Lena Luthor._

 _James Olsen: Thanks for joining me today, Kara._

 _Kara Danvers: No problem. Thanks for doing this._

 _JO: Is this your first interview?_

 _KD: Not my first interview, but the first time I'm the one answering the questions. I hope you did your homework._

 _JO: Oh, I read all about you but I'll let you tell the stories. So let's dive right in. What's it like working with Lena Luthor?_

 _KD: It's amazing. She's so creative and intelligent and she's always been open-minded but to see her in action, coming in and smoothly transitioning into her leadership role at Cat Co...it's amazing._

 _JO: You had quite a transition yourself, I know. You were Cat Grant's best assistant and now you're running her company. Tell me how that change has been for you._

 _KD:That's very nice of you to say. I'm sure it's no surprise that when you're someone's personal assistant for so long you pick things up about their job, their life. Working for Cat Grant was like a junior boot camp to what was coming, only I didn't fully understand how much work she does on a daily basis. There are a million little details and tasks every hour that need to get done to keep the company running and I'm doing my best but those are some big shoes to fill._

 _JO: Give yourself a little more credit, even before you stepped in you were an accomplished writer with several critically acclaimed articles. Do you still find time to write or is your day-to-day life too busy?_

 _KD: I try to write a little here and there but nowadays I end up doing mostly interviews. I—am I talking to much?_

 _JO: Not at all, not at all. **laughter** Now, tell me. What's Lena Luthor's most annoying trait?_

 _KD: Most annoying? I can't really think of anything..._

 _JO: Nothing?_

 _KD: Well, there is one thing. Lena's a hard worker. She stays late at the office, half the time I fall asleep waiting for her to come home. She always gets the job done no matter what. But I truly believe that not one single person on this planet needs to wake me up at six in the morning every day._

 _JO: She doesn't let you sleep in?_

 _KD: She tries to but I hear her moving around and it's enough to wake me up. I haven't woken up after six-thirty since we started living together. Even before we were dating she would sometimes call me early in the morning, but of course I never minded the wake up call from her._

 _JO:_ _ **laughs**_ _Any other pet peeves, hobbits, bad habits?_

 _KD: You know what, I just thought of a few more. She never brings the groceries in from the car and she's a terrible cook. The other night she burned pasta. Pasta, that's not even possible! And she always annoys me by making the bed if no one's in it—occasionally she'll make it even if I'm still in it. It's a bed, it'll be just the same with a wrinkled duvet._

 _JO: Sounds like she's just as flawed as the rest of us._

 _KD: Only if everyone else leaves their underwear all over the place. I swear I've never seen her toss a single sock into the laundry hamper. She hangs up clothes and folds all of mine if she has some time, but there are pantyhose and bras on the floor of every room._

 _JO: So your lifestyle's changed?_

 _KD: And another thing! What is so great about kale? What's the point of it? It's a gross, wilted leaf. It cannot possibly be meant for human consumption but she puts it in her salads. And smoothies. Why would you ruin a smoothie like that?_

 _JO: Do you cook for her when you need a break from the kale?_

 _KD: If I didn't cook we'd starve. The first time I went over to her house—did she ever say? The only food she had was a bag of rotten apples._

 _JO: You guys get along great though, I've been privy to it for the last few days. Do you think it's controversial, with you two running Cat Co. and her in charge of L-Corp? Some people think it could influence business decisions or what you print out._

 _KD: It may seem that way but we're just regular people determined to inform the public of the truth._

 _JO: As far as I've seen, Lena Luthor makes more of an effort to be transparent to the public than 'normal people'. You mentioned the other day to me that she initially wanted to keep your relationship under wraps, what changed her mind?_

 _KD: It took some convincing on my part but I'm just so insanely happy that we finally found our way to each other, she couldn't keep it quiet without feeling bad._

 _JO: You say that like you believe in destiny._

 _KD: Only sometimes. The first time I saw Lena I knew she was going to be important, you know? It hit me like a lightning bolt. I think no matter what we're going to be together and if we ever break up—god forbid—we'll always find our way back to each other._

 _JO: What do you think about the public's idea of your relationship?_

 _KD: I think it's important that people see a relationship like ours and see that it's possible to have a working relationship with two women that aren't pitted against each other. I also think the only two people who have the right to judge a relationship are the people in it. That being said, I'm sure everyone would agree that she's absolutely out of my league in every sense of the phrase. I always tell her she has a heart of gold and the best intentions of anyone I've ever met and she never believes me, but she works harder than anyone else, she cares more, she feels things more deeply than anyone could possibly guess. Sure, she can be hard to get to know but that's because it's hard for her to open herself up when so many people are trying to criticize her for every single thing she does._

 _JO: Heart of gold, that's an interesting saying. Is that one of your little relationship 'things'?_

 _KD: It's something my mother used to say to me._

 _JO: Used to?_

 _KD: She passed away when I was young._

 _JO: I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm sure she's always with you._

 _KD: Thanks. It's okay. I was adopted by a great family, and adoption doesn't always work out but I got lucky. Lena was adopted too, when she was four the Luthors took her in and she's spent most of her life fighting the stigma that comes with her last name._

 _JO: Do you think she's succeeded? Or more aptly, why do you think the public has a hard time changing its perception of her?_

 _KD: I think she's done a fantastic job of proving herself but I'm also angry that she's had to, that she feels the need to validate everything she does. She's a human being and I think it's far too easy for people to forget that all any of us really want is to feel like we belong. I struggled for a long time with feeling at home in National City but my friends are here, my family is here, so I couldn't ask for more._

 _JO: Sounds like you've really settled into your place here and I'm so glad you're with someone who makes you happy._

 _KD: She's the love of my life._

The tears in Kara's eyes made it impossible for her to read any further and she slid the magazine under her pillow. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt a fresh pang of heartbreak, crying herself to sleep.

* * *

Lena was sitting on her bed reading through the same interview when Nicholas stumbled in, already drunk.

"Hey sexy." He gave her a sloppy kiss and she pushed him off, not sure how to feel. It was her first time reading the article because the night James had sent her the draft was the night her life had fallen apart, and she couldn't bring herself to read it since then.

"You read this, right?" She held up the magazine and showed Nicholas the cover.

"Yeah, why? That girl loves you, blah blah blah." He fumbled with his suit and tie, stripping down to his underwear. Falling into bed next to Lena he snatched the magazine out of her hands and stretched. "Don't bother reading that. Who cares?"

"I do," Lena said defiantly, her tumultuous emotions expressing themselves through anger. She reached across him with the intention of finishing the article but he shoved her arm down onto the bed, propping himself up on one arm.

"Do you love me?"

"What is it with that question?" Lena got out of the bed, stalling for time. Her feelings for Nicholas were all wrapped up in a ball of confusion and anxiety; he hurt her, he didn't respect her, and yet he had stayed with her through it all. He had held in the beginning while she cried about Kara, he had made sure that she felt safe, he took care of her. Until he'd changed. He'd wanted more, expected more, demanded more. And she still felt inexplicably drawn to him; every time he hurt her his self-hatred would burst through the seams and that was when she felt the closest to him—he was just like her, he hated the bad things he did and always strove to be better. He was her port in a storm; coming home to him always hurt less than trying to weather it on her own. Something her mother had said in one of her letters came back to her and she bit her cheek.

 _Fear of being alone is a powerful thing._

"I think I do," she said in a barely audible whisper. "I think I do love you."

"Tell the truth."

"I am. I think I love you."

"You think?" He clambered out of the bed, his movements jerky. "That's not good enough." There was a terrible softness about his face, like he already regretted something. She flinched back as he lunged at her but he was just that much faster, with eighty more pounds of muscle behind his fist.

Stars exploded behind her eyes and the pain set in a moment later as she reeled back, doubling over. Blood flowed from her nose and she tasted it in the back of her throat, gagging, her arms moving automatically to block the next blow.

Nicholas stood over her but the sight of her blood dropped him to his knees, his eyes wide with guilt. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I swear it'll never happen again, I'll make it up to you," he rambled as she tried to stem the flow of blood. "I'm so sorry." When Lena didn't say anything he stood up with cautious movements. "I'll call the doctor just wait here." He sprinted out of the room and she heard the tap running as he spoke hurriedly into the phone. She didn't even notice him come back in until she felt a warm cloth wiping the blood off her neck; his hands were shaking. "I'm so sorry," he said again. "The doctor is coming. I'm sorry."

* * *

 _It appears that Lena Luthor was visited by a private doctor late last night after a frantic phone call that her boyfriend, Nicholas Masterson made on her behalf. Ms. Luthor is believed to have suffered a fall from which she is expected to make a full recovery. Back to the weather._

"Which color do you think is more _me?_ " Maggie said for the tenth time.

Kara looked at the identical shades of blue, not seeing either of them. A television in the next apartment was playing at a low volume and she overheard the announcer talking about Lena. Pushing her chair back, she stood, a worried look on her face.

"Kara? The wedding is in a few days."

"You've already planned everything with that blue," Kara pointed to the second colored tile, "And I think it suits you better anyhow, so stick with that."

"You're right," Maggie nodded, easily convinced. "Have you picked out a dress yet?"

"Dress for what?" She was listening for her favorite sound in the world, Lena's heartbeat, and her fingers itched to pick up her phone and call her but she knew she couldn't.

"For the wedding! I'm marrying your sister?"

"Right. Yes. I have it at home in a bag. Where's your dress?" She heard Lena's heart stutter and the voice of the woman she loved saying "Don't touch me," and her jaw clenched.

"Tim's holding it for me.

Alex's is in the closet and I'm not allowed to touch it on pain of death."

Kara was a million miles away and Maggie could see it. "Makes sense."

"Is there something happening at the DEO? You seem distracted."

Kara jumped at the excuse. "Yeah, I gotta get going. I'll see you." She was out the door before Maggie could say anything and before she could stop herself she was standing on the street staring at Lena's penthouse apartment, her chest tight with worry. Her brain was spinning as the elevator rose. Lena didn't fall. Lena ran away from assassins in high heels, she wasn't clumsy. She could down a bottle of wine and still beat Kara at chess in minutes. The only times Lena had ever been uncoordinated enough to fall down were when she was on drugs. She took a deep breath. The last time she'd knocked on Lena's door had led to a world full of pain but anxiety forced her arm up. A man's angry voice could be heard clearly from the other side of the door and Kara had to force herself not to see through it, pushing her glasses firmly into her face.

"This conversation isn't over!"

Then Lena's voice. "Violence just leads to more violence, I know better than anyone! I've seen it. You say you want to engineer a better future, with beautiful houses and clean energy. I'm trying to help you do that, but all you seem interested in is causing us both pain."

"Beauty and pain are the same thing, Lena. You can't separate them. If you're going to constantly undermine me I'm going to leave."

"You can't, I own your company."

"There is nothing you can stop me from doing."

Hearing enough, Kara knocked loudly. After a moment the door swung open to reveal a man in a business suit with a briefcase in his hand looking like he was about to walk out. "Can I help you?"

"Hi, I'm a friend of—Lena's," Kara said faintly, her mouth stumbling over the name.

He squinted at her, recognizing her voice. "You're the ex-girlfriend. I've seen your picture in the gossip magazines. What are you doing here?"

"I heard that she fell and I just wanted to make sure she was okay—" Lena stepped into view and Kara broke off. The brunette was wearing one of Kara's _Midvale High_ tee shirts and there was a bandage over her noise. Kara's sight zoomed in on the dark bruises under her eyes that clashed with her always-striking emerald green irises, the way Lena was holding herself like her whole body was sore, and she swallowed.

"Kara? Lena's voice was disbelieving. "What are you doing here?"

"I heard you got hurt," Kara said with a glance at Nicholas' imposing frame. He was blocking the doorway but the sight of Lena drew her like a moth to a flame; she didn't even realize she had taken a step forward until his hand was on her shoulder, stopping her.

"No one hurt me," Lena said quickly, glancing at Nicholas. The sight of his hands on Kara made her angry but she felt it through a fog; it was a muted anger that automatically justified anything he did.

Kara's eyebrows knit. "I never said anyone hurt you. Are you okay?"

Lena could feel her resolve weakening. She could blurt it out right now, tell Kara what happened when the cameras were gone and she and Nicholas were alone together. She could go with Kara where she would be safe and Nicholas wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore. Kara could protect her, Kara was Supergirl. She opened her mouth, not sure of what she was going to say, and Nicholas spoke up, shattering any half-formed daydreams.

"This is none of your business. You should leave before I call security." He closed the door on her and the last thing she saw was Lena staring at her, fear plain in her eyes.

She turned away from the door and moved robotically down the hallway. There was no noise from the other side of the door and she suspected he was watching her from the peephole. Each step away from Lena felt like trudging through mud, every nerve in her body screaming at her to run back and break down the door and demand to know what was going on, but he was right. It wasn't her business.


	39. 39) Weddings Make Everyone Cry

Alex woke up to her alarm blaring in her ear. Slamming her hand down on the snooze button she reached across the bed for Maggie's warmth but when cold air met her she sat up, immediately awake. Maggie wasn't there. Maggie wasn't making breakfast for her. Maggie was probably waking up right now in Tim's house because they were getting married. Today. Throwing the blanket off Alex jumped out of bed, pulling on socks and sliding down the hall to the bathroom. _Oh my god it's finally happening._ Her reflection stared back at her and she couldn't stop herself from smiling. "I'm getting married today," she said aloud, marveling at how the words sounded. Happiness bubbled up inside of her and she let out a squeal, blasting Barenaked Ladies while she got dressed. Grabbing the dry cleaner's bag out of her closet she hurried to her car. They were getting married in a church because that's how Maggie always saw her wedding day; they would be in separate wings until the moment they walked into the chapel. The first time Alex would see her today, she would be in her wedding dress.

She got there two hours early and her sister was there to greet her.

"I'm so happy for you," Kara said as they hugged.

"Thanks," Alex said breathlessly. "I can't believe this is happening. Do I look okay? Has anyone else gotten here yet, I—"

"Hey, no." Kara gave her a knowing look. "No worrying for you. I have talked to Maggie and you about this day for what seems like two lifetimes. I have double checked every single detail. Nothing is going to run more smoothly than my sister's wedding. J'onn stationed extra agents at the DEO so he could be here, Jeremiah and Eliza are already upstairs getting ready, Gertrude is at the kennel and I called Maggie—she'll be here in an hour because you're both crazy about being early."

Alex let out a deep breath, grinning. "You think of everything."

Kara held up a takeout container. "And I know you didn't eat breakfast so I got you some eggs."

Alex's smile, if possible, widened and she kissed her sister on the forehead. "You're the best! I'll see you inside." She started to run inside but Kara yelled after her.

"Alex! The dress, you idiot!"

"Right, right!" She sprinted back, grabbing the bag and disappeared into the church. Kara shook her head, smiling after her sister. Her heart was so full of love and happiness that it felt like it might burst, a balloon of intense pride for her sister that deflated when she saw a limo pull up. Nicholas Masterson got out of the car and walked around, opening the door and holding out his hand. Someone inside put their hand in his and Lena emerged in the early morning sun wearing a sleeveless, forest green dress. The car door closed and the limo drove off as Kara walked over to greet them, plastering a smile on her face. As she looked Lena up and down, her eyes narrowed and she zeroed in on the fading bruises that stood out on Lena's arm. They were in the outline of a hand, like someone had grabbed her arm way too tightly and squeezed. Nicholas caught her eye and removed his jacket, draping it over Lena's shoulders and covering her pale skin; the brunette hadn't noticed Kara yet and she smiled up at him. He put an arm around her shoulders and kissed her, not breaking eye contact with Kara.

"Good morning," he said when they met in the middle of the driveway.

"Nice to see you," she said amicably. It was her sister's wedding day and she wasn't going to let a showy jerk like Nicholas Masterson ruin that for her. Her gaze turned to Lena, the way she seemed to shrink into his side, and she had to force her smile a little more. "Hey." _There's something wrong. I can see it, I can feel it._

"Hey," Lena said, meeting her eyes quickly. "I'm happy for your sister."

"Thanks, she'll appreciate you saying so." Kara smiled at Lena but it dissipated when her friend didn't smile back, instead looking to Nicholas like she was waiting for permission.

"Is everyone gathering inside?" Nicholas took control of the conversation.

"You're actually the first guests to arrive."

Nicholas raised an eyebrow. "So it's just us and you, huh? I guess we can make small talk." He held himself proudly, like a man used to getting what he wanted, and Kara noticed with some annoyance that his hair looked perfect.

"I'm actually going to stay out here and greet everyone. They should be arriving shortly."

"People are actually coming to a wedding between two chicks?"

"Nick." Lena hit his shoulder lightly, her tone admonishing.

Kara frowned. "You came here," she pointed out.

"I'm her plus one." He nodded to Lena. "I follow where she goes."

"I'm right here, you two," Lena interjected. "Let's just go in."

He turned to her and smiled. "You know I do whatever you say, sexy."

"Somehow I doubt that." Kara clenched her jaw. "I'll see you two inside." She walked away from them, her hands in fists at her sides.

Over the next two hours more and more people arrived; J'onn and a few agents, Kara's friends from Cat Co., relatives that their parents had invited, Maggie's group of friends—a mixture of aliens and police officers—and Kara let herself relax, the strange interaction from earlier drifting to the back of her mind. Everyone was milling around and the drinks were flowing, but each time Kara made her rounds and she saw Nicholas and Lena talking quietly in the corner, she had to force herself not to listen in. On one of her last laps around the room she saw them kissing and groaned, looking for the stairs. "How's the bride?" She popped her head into Maggie's room where Tim and a team of women were helping her get ready with blaring rock music. "Wow! You look beautiful."

"Thanks, Kara." Maggie's dress had lace covering her chest and the three-quarter length sleeves were the same pattern; it was backless and Kara watched appreciatively as she spun in a circle.

"Wow. No wonder you two have such great sex," she said without thinking. Tim turned red and coughed into a handkerchief while Maggie just smirked.

"Lay off the liquor, Little Danvers."

"I'm not even drunk!"

"Then you're high on life and when I bring this conversation up later you're going to turn red."

"I'm just so happy for you!" Kara felt tears in her eyes and sniffled.

Maggie's eyes narrowed. "Hey. No crying, that's my job. Don't steal my thunder."

"I won't." Kara smiled again and wiped at her eyes, heading for her sister's room. It was a lot quieter than Maggie's, with just her mother and father helping her. She knocked on the door frame before walking in. "Everything okay in here?"

Alex turned, looking a little lost and Kara knew what she needed. She walked across the room and hugged her sister, feeling whole for the first time in a while. Her family was together; her mother and her father and her sister, and that was all she really needed. That and Lena. "You look amazing," Kara whispered to her.

"I said the same thing," Eliza put her arms around the girls and brushed Alex's hair back. It was almost to her shoulders and hung in small, carefully constructed curls. Her sleeveless dress hugged her trained figure and had a deep v, a creamy white that went perfectly with her skin tone.

"Do I have to wear high heels?" Alex mumbled into Kara's shoulder.

Kara smiled, meeting her mother's eyes over Alex's head. "No, you don't have to wear the heels."

"I bet Maggie is. What if she changes her mind?"

"Of course she won't. The only thing that would stop her from walking down the aisle at this point is the heels, and I'm pretty sure she's wearing sneakers under her dress," Kara lied, winking at her sister. "Come on. I've seen you jump off buildings without a second's hesitation. You can't be nervous."

"What if something goes wrong and—"

"I'm here, I'm here, your day is officially perfect," Sam sang, entering the room with Ruby at her side. She gave Kara a side glance and the blonde looked away; she had been ignoring Sam's calls since Thanksgiving but now she suspected she was going to have to have that talk with Sam about Lena and Nicholas. "According to the internet I can now ordain your wedding. Let's get this show on the road!" Her contagious happiness pervaded the air and Alex took a deep breath, relaxing.

"I'm ready." She nodded.

* * *

The music started and everyone's heads turned to the back of the room. There was no one there and Kara's heart skipped a beat, her hand tightening around Eliza's until Jeremiah appeared, Alex at his side. Everyone _oohed_ and _ahhed_ as they walked down the aisle and she saw J'onn wipe away a tear. When they reached Sam, who was beaming, Jeremiah kissed his daughter on the cheek and joined her mother sitting next to Kara. He had fought with Alex about walking down the aisle with her and whether or not her mother should do it, but she had assured him there was no one else she'd rather have give her away. A brief lull in the music had everyone clearing their throats then it rose back to full volume. A man in a decorated NCPD uniform, Maggie's superior officer Tim Denfield, was walking the second bride down the aisle. Kara had already been on the verge of tears but the smile that broke out across Maggie's face when she caught sight of Alex was enough to make them spill over. When she reached the altar she gave Alex a nervous smile and Kara could tell her sister was holding her breath. Tim gave Maggie a small smile and sat down. Maggie and Alex faced one another, taking each other's hands.

"Please be seated," Sam said in a clear voice when the music finished. "I'm honored to preside over the marriage of Alex Danvers and Maggie Sawyer, and to witness and support the commitment they share with each other. They would like me to thank you all for being here and to recognize how important each and every one of you are to them. They would also like to thank those who couldn't make it here today as they are certainly missed but never forgotten on this day of celebration—especially Winslow Schott Junior, close friend and confidant to many of you in this room." There was a heavy moment of silence and the few people who weren't crying started to.

Sam flipped to the next page. "Marriage gives a permanence and structure to a couple's love. It's a way to tell each other that no matter how much you snore or how much you spend when you're out shopping, you're still in this together. It's more lasting than your trigger-happy tendencies, or you determination to collar a suspect. Marriage is telling the person you love that you will stay together until the day you die. In marriage, the 'little' things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say 'I love you'. It is never going to sleep angry. It is the final proof that it's you two against the world. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget, and giving each other a safe space to grow and learn together. It is being the other half to the woman standing in front of you." She closed the folder she was holding and smiled at both of them. "You two have had a hell of a time getting to this day. It's been challenging, it's been heartbreaking, it's been nights of hard work and communication and waiting for the other to come home. But together you've met and overcome every single challenge life has thrown at you and I'm sure all of us here will agree that you'll continue to do so. Now, the vows that you are about to make are a way to show a glimpse of the love you two share."

Tim subtly handed Maggie a folded piece of paper and Alex blanched. She hadn't written her vows. She and Kara had brainstormed them back when they had first gotten engaged and she'd never given them a thought since. A frantic glance at where her sister was sitting quelled her fear; Kara was already at her side, her phone open to her notes app. "I typed everything up that night," she whispered in Alex's ear.

"Thank you," Alex mouthed, turning back to Maggie, clutching the phone to her chest as Maggie started.

"I was raised to be selfless. I was always told to help my friends no matter the cost. I was told to give people as much as I could. But with you, I am incredibly selfish. I think that we are meant for each other and I know that I wouldn't be happy if you were with anyone else. I'd be furious, in fact. We deserve each other," Maggie said simply. "I promise that I will always be there for you and every day from now on I will try to be worthy of your love. You haven't had it easy and I'm sure it won't be smooth sailing until the end of time, but I promise to always be by your side. I believe in you and I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished, and I want you to know that I will always be faithful and supportive, and put your happiness above my own. I believe in us, in that whatever life throws at us we can conquer it and I am honored to live the rest of my life with you by my side. You are my home, Alex Danvers, and I love you." She smiled, tears of happiness in her eyes, and Sam took the paper from her, looking at Alex expectantly.

Alex scrolled through the note, leaving an awkward silence as Maggie stifled a laugh. "Okay, here we go." She tossed the phone in her sister's direction knowing Kara would catch it. "I don't really have something scripted," she said to the guests, "And I'm not always great with words, but I'll try my best." She pursed her lips and looked into Maggie's eyes and felt much better. "I remember one time we were out on a date and I told you that I didn't believe in soulmates. I'll never forget your reaction, you were taken aback and a little hurt that you didn't think we were. But now, all this time has passed and I know that soulmates are real. We are soulmates. You know me better than anyone else in this world and somehow you still love me, and I'd be a fool if I ever let that go. You are the best part of me, and I am a better person for loving you. Standing here, holding you, I feel like I'm in a dream and I can't believe that I'm the one who gets to marry you," she giggled. "I promise to always cook you dinner on Sundays when you order takeout every other day of the week. I promise to never take you camping because even though you're vegan you don't like living in nature. I promise to point out all the constellations and give them special names that only we will know, and I promise to buy you taller shoes so you can look me in the eye." The guests chuckled and Alex tried to bite back a smile. "You are my best friend, my mentor and my soulmate, and I hope that one day I can live up to that." She lost herself in Maggie's eyes; they were as transparent as crystal and reflected her own elated feelings back at her, speaking volumes of their time together. Alex thought she knew what love was but this was a thrilling new emotion that she couldn't describe—it was relief and agony and solace all mixed up together and the best word for it was love. Sam had to wave her hand in front of them while their heads inched closer together.

"Hang on, the kissing part hasn't come around yet. Let's exchange rings. Maggie, take Alex's hand and repeat after me. I, Maggie Sawyer..."

Alex felt like a helium balloon. The idea that her whole life was culminating to this moment was beyond comprehension for her; Maggie would be hers, all hers in a matter of minutes. She had always been hers but this final, public, legal step really hit home for her. She had trained and worked at the DEO for so long that the rigidity of appearances and rules was a vital part of who she was; marrying Maggie with a minister and their friends and family hadn't seemed as important, but Maggie and insisted and of course Maggie was right, Maggie was always right. When it was her turn she repeated the words in a trance, unable to tear her eyes away from her girlfriend who looked, if possible, more beautiful than she ever had. She was making the best decision of her life, "To love and to cherish, til death do us part." She slid the ring onto Maggie's finger feeling the cool metal around her own and glanced at Sam. "Now?"

"You may kiss the bride."

Alex grabbed Maggie by the waist and pulled her close, kissing her with abandon. She could feel Maggie smiling against her lips and her own lips parted, forgetting that there were people watching, forgetting that her parents were there.

"Alright, break it up," Sam said in a light tone. "Let's keep this party moving!"

They broke apart, both laughing and their guests surged forward to congratulate them before the celebratory lunch. Kara watched Alex greet everyone, her sister's body language clearly relaxed, and beamed. Alex wouldn't let go of Maggie's hand and they couldn't keep their eyes off each other.

 _Happily ever after._

* * *

The party was still going on later that night and Kara scanned the room for anything out of place. Lena caught her eye, in the corner with Nicholas talking over drinks and as she watched, he handed her a white pill which she took with a sip of wine. Kara's head was full of white noise and without thinking her legs started moving her towards the table. "Everything going well, enjoying the party?"

"We're fine, thanks," Nicholas said dismissively without looking up. Lena was staring at the centerpiece and stabbing a slice of cake with a fork. Sensing Kara still by their table he looked up. "Oh. It's you."

"Just checking on the guests," Kara said cheerfully, trying to read Lena's expression. It was a mixture of guilt and vulnerability that worried her but she forced herself to smile.

"We actually need to get going," Nicholas said, standing up.

Kara frowned. "Are you sure? You're going to miss the dancing. Maybe you could stay a little longer, I hope you enjoyed the—"

"Thanks, but we have somewhere to be." He grabbed Lena's wrist and pulled her up and something inside Kara snapped.

"Maybe you should let Lena decide. You said you follow where she goes." She stepped in between the two of them and leveled a stare at the taller man.

He ran a hand through his hair, his posture still arrogant. "Lena knows we have work tomorrow. She's just being polite."

"We don't," Lena said in a barely audible voice.

"What's that?" He leaned towards her.

"We don't need to be at work tomorrow until the afternoon," she said in a clearer voice. Sitting through the wedding had been a painful ordeal for her; the life that she should've had with Kara was slipping further away from her and she was trying desperately to grasp the edges of it but it was too little, too late.

His face darkened and he turned back to Kara, his jaw clenching. "I don't want to make a scene, just let us leave," he said in an authoritative tone.

"If that's what Lena wants, it's fine with me." Kara stood her ground.

He glanced at Lena but she was no help to him, busy staring at Kara. With a growl he bent his shoulder and made as if to shove past her but when his arm hit hers it sent a jolt through his body. "What the hell?" Kara hadn't moved an inch and he grabbed the wounded limb, staring at her.

"I do a lot of yoga," she said with a terse smile. Lena couldn't hold back a quiet snort but it was the wrong thing to do; she saw it and Kara saw it. Nicholas grabbed her wrist and yanked her away from the table, shoving her out the door. Seeing that Nicholas left his coat, Kara deliberated for a second too long, running out of the building just in time to see the limo peeling away. A crumpled paper fell out of his jacket, the creased lines fading like they had been folded and unfolded too many times. She picked it up and was about to stuff it back in a random pocket when her own name caught her eye. Her name in Lena's script-like handwriting.

 _Kara. Please come back, I can't do this without you. I know we left things badly and I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing by staying with Nicholas, but I know I loved you. I am still in love with you and a love like that isn't something you give up on easily. So I'm not giving up on you. I'm waiting in case you change your mind, so that if you ever miss me you know you can come home to me. Please come home._

She reached out a hand to steady herself against the side of the building; she suddenly needed the support of something to keep her on her feet. The pain beating in her heart drowned out the sounds of laughter and music and she sat down heavily, clinging to the paper. It started to rain but Kara didn't feel it, staring at the ground. _Does she still feel this way? Should I have gone after her? He's not good enough for her, he's not treating her right._

Her mother found her sitting outside, drenched to the bone. "Kara, honey, Alex was looking for you."

Kara blinked, the rain on her glasses making it impossible to see. "She was?"

"Well she's gone now with Maggie off to her honeymoon but she told me to tell you thank you." She stood over her daughter holding an umbrella over both of them.

"Oh." Kara noticed Nicholas' jacket lying on the ground, a sopping pile of cloth. The letter was crumpled in her fist next to her heart and she stared at it, not saying anything.

Eliza sat down, her dress getting wet almost immediately. Not sure what to say, Eliza put her arm around her daughter and pulled Kara's head to her shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be such a downer," Kara said quietly after a long silence.

"Never apologize for how you feel." Eliza kissed Kara's head and rubbed her back. "Sometimes it takes happy days like this to show us what we've truly lost. That being said, just because you let something go doesn't mean it's lost forever."

"She didn't want me, mom," Kara said plaintively.

"You and I both know that's not true. Go after her or you'll regret it."

* * *

"What was that stunt you pulled back there?" Nicholas angrily yanked off his tie. "Never go against me when we're in public."

Propping her head up, Lena closed he eyes, her elbows on the counter. The drugs were making her tired; her body wasn't moving the way it usually did and every movement was taking twice as much effort than normal. "Can we please not fight tonight?" she sighed. "I'm exhausted."

"You're the one who started the fight, you laughed at me in front of that bitch. And because of you, I left my jacket at that party."

"I'm sorry, I'll buy you a new one," Lena said in a tired voice. She rested her head on the counter; the wedding and seeing Kara had really taken it out of her and she exhaled, her aching body trying to relax.

A hand seized the back of her neck and pulled off the bar stool. Her arms flailed and she tried to reach around to Nicholas' arm but she lost her balance and he let her go. Her back hit the floor, sending spasms of pain up and down her spine.

"Lena?" He bent over her, worry wrinkling his nose. She could barely hear him over her own wheezing breaths as her lungs recovered. "You're okay, you just got the wind knocked out of you. Come on, get up." He touched her shoulder and she flinched away, whimpering. Kara never would have done this to her. He straightened up and nudged her with a tentative foot to no avail. She rolled onto her side, still gasping.

 _You are a force to be reckoned with. You're smarter, faster and deadlier than anyone else. You are a Luthor._

 _Thanks, mom_. Lena dragged herself to her feet, a shadow of the woman she used to be. She couldn't live like this. Even though she was a terrible person, surely she didn't deserve to be treated like this by someone who loved her. "Touch me like that again and I will leave you," she said in a low voice.

"What?" He stepped towards her and she had to work to keep her body still, but she didn't flinch. "You're mine," he snarled.

"I know your company is a front, Nicholas. I knew it from the moment I bought it." He paled and she pressed her advantage. "I thought I could turn it around but just like its owner, it's weak. Pathetic. There's no potential." Her icy tone cut through him, her eyes like chips of marble. She watched triumphantly as the shield of anger and insecurity that he protected himself with shattered and felt like she was finally seeing him for the first time.

There was a long silence as he sunk to his knees, his head in his hands. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, looking at her like she was an avenging angel.

Neither of them knew that Kara had just arrived outside Lena's door and was staring at them, her heart breaking all over again. She had only caught the end of their conversation and all she could see as Lena standing over Nicholas, her expression almost malicious. _What happened to you that you grew so cold?_

Lena looked at him like he was a bug she had found on her floor; disgusted, dismissive. _Luthors don't have friends, we have minions._ Her voice was cold and unwavering. "Beg."

He gave her a desperate look and crawled on his hands and knees to sit at her feet. "Please," he started in a broken voice. "I know I lied and I did horrible things, but I have nothing left. I told you I could run my own company but if I had let you do it instead it would be a success by now. I'm paying my employees with my trust fund and the money I got from selling it to you. You're my last hope, and I turned on you in anger and despair and I don't know what to do."

"Beg."

"Please. I have nowhere to go."

Kara watched in horror as Lena's face stayed impassive. The look on Nicholas' face reminded her of her own feelings not so long ago. Lost, helpless, wishing she could disappear. She had almost killed herself in that low moment. She had wanted to cease to exist and she could see the same sentiment reflected on his face.

"You can stay," Lena said coldly, walking into the bedroom with a haughty air. She saw Lena open a pill bottle and considered bursting through the door but pride rose in her when Lena shoved the bottle into her nightstand, slamming the drawer shut.

Kara bit her lip. Lena had never been cold like that to her, never acted like she held power over her. Or had she? She had wanted to keep their relationship a secret, she had been mad when Kara had published the fact that they were dating. It had been so long since she had kissed her and she was living with memories that were wearing thin; maybe this was Lena as she really was. Maybe Kara had been blinded by it, in love with something she had made up and Lena had always been like this. She felt like crying but the tears wouldn't come. They filled up her chest and burned her throat but she couldn't make them fall, almost biting through her lip. Longing hearts could only stand so much longing and Kara's was at the breaking point. Had her whole relationship, her whole friendship with Lena been a lie?

 _I can't think about this right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about this tomorrow._

Spinning on her heel, Kara ran away from the door. She couldn't call her sister and she knew her mother and father were on a flight back to Midvale; there was nowhere for her to go. _Sam,_ she thought, desperate to not be alone. She sped through red lights and screeched to a halt outside the CEO's house, running up the driveway and banging on the door.

Ruby greeted her with a surprised expression and Kara hesitated. She must look a mess, on the verge of tears and clearly upset.

"Ruby? Who is it?"

"It's Kara."

"Kara?" Sam hurried to the door. "What are you doing here, did something happen?"

Suddenly remembering that she'd been dodging Sam's calls Kara held her breath. "Lena," she breathed, the tears finally coming. "She lied to me."

Sam looked confused and worried but she pulled Kara inside. "Ruby, can you put some water on to boil and get a pillow and some blankets?" Her daughter nodded obediently and scampered off, not hearing Kara's protests.

"I'm not—no, you don't understand, she...I've never seen her like that. I feel like I don't know her at all," Kara choked out, close to hysterics. "I'll go."

"You look like a drowned rat that's about to pick a fight just to get your ass kicked." Sam shook her head. "You're staying here for the night," she said in a no-nonsense tone.

"I'm sorry," Kara mumbled as Sam wrapped a towel around her shivering body. "Ruby is here, I shouldn't—I didn't think."

"You need a hot shower and some time to think." Ruby came back down and Sam smiled at her daughter. "Can you make a bed on the couch?"

"Sure. Do you want some hot chocolate Ms...uh..."

Kara sniffled. "That sounds nice," she said with a teary smile. "And you can call me Kara."

"Okay. I'll get you extra marshmallows." Ruby disappeared into the kitchen and Kara heard her putting the kettle on.

"I thought something was going on but I think it's just Lena—there's something wrong with her, like she doesn't even feel things anymore."

"How do you mean?"

"I heard her and Nicholas arguing and she sounded like her mother. She spoke like she didn't care if he lived or died, and that's not the Lena I thought I knew. That can't be Lena."

Sam ran a hand through her hair and crossed her arms. "I think Lena hasn't been feeling like herself lately," she said carefully. "Which is what I wanted to talk to you about."

Kara smiled ruefully and met Sam's eyes guiltily. "I didn't want to talk to you. You said it was about Nicholas and I hate the idea of them together, I'm sorry. Maybe she doesn't belong with me but she definitely doesn't belong with him."

"I agree," Sam said seriously. "Which you would know if you answered my calls."

"I'm sorry," Kara said again, pulling the towel around her.

"Don't worry about it. Go upstairs and take a shower and then we need to talk. There's something you should know, and I'm going to need you to be calm because my daughter doesn't know you can punch through metal."

* * *

A few days later Lena walked into Cat Co. to a blanket of silence. Everyone was staring at her and she pulled her sleeves down and popped her collar, nervous that someone would see the marks of Nicholas' loving her. She saw blonde hair in the office and rummaged for her phone as she pushed the glass doors open. "Eve, I need to push back that—Kara?"

"Hey. Did you read this article about Morgan Edge?" Kara held up _National City Post_ and raised an eyebrow, her voice nonchalant.

Shocked to see Kara, Lena sat down on one of the couches. "The up-and-coming property mogul? I read it on the way here."

"Not so up-and-coming, if he's being accused of money laundering."

Lena grunted in agreement. "Hmm. I already pulled my shares a few months ago."

There was an awkward silence and Kara stood up, crossing her arms. She sat down on the couch across from Lena and played with the fringe on a pillow. "So."

"So," Lena echoed, watching Kara's fingers.

"You haven't been answering my calls."

"There's nothing to talk about." The truth was Nicholas didn't want her answering Kara's calls and every night he would go through her phone. She knew there was a away to circumvent his seeing them, but some element of fear kept her from doing it.

"You and...Nicholas seem to be getting on well."

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Have you been listening in on us?"

"He's no good for you." Kara avoided the question.

"That's really none of your business."

Kara pushed her glasses up, meeting Lena's eyes. "Sam told me—"

"Sam would. For fuck's sake, can't anyone in this city keep their nose out of other people's business?" Lena said in frustration.

"I was worried about you."

"Worried!? You barely gave me a chance to explain myself before you fled the country. Do you know what that first week was like?" Lena exploded. "Your sister hated me, no one would talk to me, the _only person_ who stayed with me was Nicholas. So don't come in here all high and mighty, like some shining hero who only shows up when she wants. We both know that's getting old," she finished bitterly.

Kara's mouth had dropped open. "Lena, he's _hurting_ you. You don't deserve that."

"Maybe I do. Who are you to decide what I deserve?" The brunette said defensively. "I'm happy with him," she lied, "And I know that he won't leave me at a moment's notice."

"Only because he has nowhere else to go!"

Lena sat back. "So you did listen." _Of course she heard the one time I embrace being heartless._

"What happened to you?" Kara asked with a stunned expression. "I thought I knew you. The Lena Luthor I fell in love with would _never_ have let someone do this to her."

"The Lena Luthor you fell in love with is gone!" She was practically yelling, oblivious to the people trying and failing to appear uninterested in their argument. " _You_ left her! You left me! I did the only thing I'm good at, the thing I've had too much experience doing. Surviving. And you? You ruined me." _The first real conversation we've had and we're arguing._

"How can you say that when _you're_ the one who cheated on _me?_ " Kara gestured angrily. "And now what, you're going to marry that piece of garbage?"

"Marry him, what are you talking about?"

"You're always with him. I guess you fall in love too fast for me to keep up." Kara's tone was bitter as Lena's eyebrows shot up.

"Fall in—you think I love him? If that's what you think then you really are blind."

"You slept with him." The statement hung in the air and all the tension went out of the room. Both of the women were looking at each other with shocked, hurt expressions and Lena saw that Kara had started ripping the pillow in half. "You slept with him, and you never apologized." Her voice was deathly quiet and her bottom lip trembled.

"I didn't?" Lena stared into Kara's eyes and a bizarre kaleidoscope of memories swirled around her head. Kara making her breakfast. Kara groaning in annoyance when Lena woke her up. Kara making a face while Lena laughed, watching her try a kale smoothie for the first time. Kara kissing her, her arms like steel around her but still so gentle, like she could break into a million pieces. A lifetime of possibilities that she could never have because she had once again self-destructed. _I am my own worst enemy._

"No." Kara hadn't forgiven Lena but sitting so close to her, breathing in her scent, she wavered. With the way she was feeling and the way Lena was looking at her, she knew she was going to cave.

Lena could see it. Kara wore her emotions on her face and her heart on her sleeve and she had always been an open book to Lena. The idea that she could alleviate Kara's broken heart with only two small words terrified her and she swallowed nervously, looking at the ground. "You know they say apologies are harder to make the longer you wait until one day, they're impossible."

"I've heard that."

"I'm sorry."

Kara exhaled loudly and Lena glanced up at her. Her blue eyes were shining with unshed tears and Lena saw the hope in her eyes. "I forgive you. I never stopped thinking about you. I never wanted to forget you, and maybe we can even be friends after everything—"

 _Luthors don't have friends, we have minions._ "We aren't friends," Lena said, regretting every word. "I'm still with Nicholas. You should forget about me, because if I'm gone you can forget about the unhappy woman whose blinded selfishness you repaid with kindness. Just forget about me."

Kara froze, halfway through a speech she didn't know was in her. She blinked once, twice, then stood up, the pillow falling to her feet. "I should've known better. All you know how to do is push people away." And then she was gone.


	40. 40) Reunification

"Merry Christmas eve!"

"Oh my god, what are you wearing!"

Maggie pouted. "You don't like it?"

"No, I love it," Alex said sincerely. "Very sexy." Maggie was wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit and Alex's eyes fastened on her legs. "It's like Christmas meets a PG-13 rating."

"Hopefully more than PG-13," Maggie smirked, taking off the flimsy top and Alex's eyes almost popped out of her head.

"Since when did you own black lace?"

Maggie straddled her wife, the bay window behind her open to the ocean. Their honeymoon was in Hawaii, a cliché and very far away place from the drama of their regular lives and jobs. "There are still some things you don't know about me."

"You are full of surprises, Mrs. Sawyer-Danvers."

"Just Danvers. You can drop the 'Sawyer'."

"Are you sure?" Alex looked at her apprehensively. "We never talked about it."

Maggie shrugged. "We didn't need to. I've made my peace. Call me Maggie Danvers until the day I die."

Grinning, Alex pulled her down and kissed her. "I like the sound of that."

A moment later they had fallen backwards onto the bed and she was in her arms. Alex's mouth was eager and searching and Maggie traced the outline of her lips. Her hands were tangled in Alex's hair and she smiled into the kiss. "You need a haircut."

"Mm hmm," Alex mumbled. "Later. More kissing."

Unwinding the thick waves from around her fingers, Maggie rolled over and pulled Alex on top of her. Her hands slid across Alex's back, unhooking her bra and slipping the tank top off her toned body. She locked her hands around the back of her neck, trying to melt them into one person. She was acutely aware of every inch of Alex's skin and she groaned as Alex kissed her neck. Her fingers trailed down Alex's sides and up the wings of her shoulder blades and her whole body shuddered. Alex's lips were like fire against her skin as she kissed her stomach and then the insides of her thighs. She looked up at Maggie through half-lidded eyes and Maggie marveled at her face. It was like she had never seen it before; Alex's expression was vulnerable and lustful and piercing, the curves of her cheekbones, the sharpness of her jaw.

Alex gave her a suggestive smirk and pulled her underwear down with her teeth. Throwing them off the bed, she plunged her tongue into Maggie and was rewarded with a gasp of pleasure. "Don't stop," Maggie breathed. Alex paused, grinning, then her pace picked up and Maggie's slow, desirous breathing turned into pants, her hands pressing against the headboard. The seconds stretched into minutes and her breathing was irregular. Her legs were shaking and she slammed her palm back into the headboard as she finished, Alex coming up to kiss her.

"Round two?" Alex said, biting her neck.

Maggie was still catching her breath. "Unless you want me to—" she started but Alex's hand was already inside her. Her back arched off the mattress and she shut her eyes, moaning. "Oh, god. Keep going."

"Don't worry, I will," Alex assured her.

"Good," Maggie managed to get out, sweat beading on her forehead. The bed shook underneath them and she felt a scream building up in her throat. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Alex grabbed Maggie's breasts with her free hand and her fingers moved faster; the waves crashed outside and drowned out Maggie's screams.

* * *

Kara was sitting at her desk and flattening Lena's letter against the surface, her fingers tracing Lena's signature over and over again.

 _We aren't friends._

She knew that Lena had a propensity for pushing people away, but her feelings towards the CEO were just as strong as they had always been. She couldn't just cut her off, pretend there was nothing between them. But she couldn't see past her own haze of heartbreak and wounded pride. She couldn't understand why Lena had apologized and in the next second stabbed her in the back. Almost all of her strange behavior could be attributed to Nicholas Masterson, that sorry excuse for a man, but he wasn't in the room, didn't make her say those horrible things. Lena was clearly in a a bad situation and Kara wanted to help; she couldn't figure out why she hadn't gone over already and given Nicholas a piece of her mind.

With a frustrated groan, she hit the desk, cracking the wood. _You know why you won't go over there. You're a coward. You're afraid Lena will resent you for it, you're afraid of getting your heart broken again. Afraid of wounding your stupid pride. How could one woman cause so much pain?_ She thought bitterly. _Being invincible doesn't matter if all the wounds are already inside me._ Reaching for her phone, she dialed a number she hadn't called in a long time but knew by heart.

"Kara?"

"Hi, Kal."

"Merry Christmas! It's good to hear your voice. Lois, come say hi!"

There was a pause and Kara heard music in the background. "Hey, how are you?" Lois said cheerfully.

"Fine, fine. Am I interrupting something?" She asked guiltily. _Not everyone is as lonely as you are on Christmas Eve._

"Not at all, just _The Daily Planet's_ holiday party. It's nothing. What's up?"

Kara bit her lip. "I was going to ask Kal but maybe you could help me."

"Is it saving people stuff or regular stuff like a broken refrigerator?"

"It's neither," Kara hesitated. "I like someone but—"

"Say no more, I got you covered. Who's the new love interest?"

Kara's fingers traced Lena's words as Lois waited for an answer. "Not someone new," she finally admitted. There was a clatter then silence on the other line and Kara wondered if Lois had hung up on her. "Hello?

"Still here, sorry. Dropped the phone because I can't believe you're still obsessed with Lena Luthor."

"That's why I'm calling. I want to be not-obsessed with her. Turns out she's just like the rest of her family."

"You don't mean that," Lois said in what Kara thought was a patronizing tone.

"I do, I really do."

"You know what you sound like?" Lois said with a chuckle. "You sound like a cynical woman who got her heart broken one too many times."

Kara sighed. "You're half right." She got up and walked to her kitchen, pacing back and forth.

"I'm always right. Look, I'm not fond of the Luthor clan. They tried to kill Clark, they tried to kill me. But Lena is...different. Want to know what I think?"

"That depends. Are you on my side?"

"No such thing as sides," Lois said vaguely. "I think that you and Lena are the same. I think that you both became closed off from the rest of the world after everything you've been through—and believe me, you have both been through some _shit—_ but you chose to love, and there's something beautiful in that."

Kara digested that. "So you're saying I should save her."

"I'm saying the heart wants what it wants, and honey, yours wants Lena Luthor. I know all about your running away and if you're calling Clark on Christmas Eve, your feelings are still there in full force." Someone shouted in the background and Lois laughed. "Sorry for the heavy advice. I gotta to, talk to you soon! Here's Clark."

The voice of her cousin was like a balm to her stress; the reminder that she wasn't alone, wasn't the only survivor of an extinct planet. "Hey. Did Lois talk your ear off?" He said jokingly.

A _thump_ hit Kara's door and her eyebrows knit together. "No, no. I actually have to go too. Love you."

"No problem, love you. Call if you need anything else."

Kara slid her phone onto the counter and took a step to the door. Lena was leaning outside her door, her head down, one hand flat against the metal which had caused the noise. Pushing her glasses up, Kara composed herself and went to open the door.

"Lena, now isn't—" She barely had time to catch her, even moving at super speed. "Lena? What's wrong!?" Her knees hit the floor, Lena's body cradled in her arms. All she could see was red and panic made her throat close up. Lena's hair was hanging over her face and Kara brushed it back with a feather-light touch, afraid of hurting her.

"Nicholas," Lena whispered. "I can't." Her eyes were darting around the room and Kara's heart pounded in double time.

"Can't what? What did he do to you?! You're bleeding!" Kara said frantically. "Did you come without a coat? How did you get here?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know where to go. Where I would be safe." Lena's voice trailed off and her eyes started to close. "I always feel safe with you."

"Lena, Lena. Open your eyes. Lee, you have to look at me. Where does it hurt?" Kara forced herself to sound calm, her insides twisting. _Where is all this blood coming from?_ She leaned back and took in Lena's appearance. There was blood on her face from her nose, which looked broken, and a split lip. Her left eye was swollen shut and there was a gash at her temple that was oozing blood. Her shirt was ripped at the shoulder and Kara could see scratches running down her arm like someone had clawed at her. Closer examinations revealed a broken collar bone and a torn ligament in her shoulder. The knees of her pants were shredded, her skin bloody underneath, and nasty bruises were forming in several places that Kara could see.

"My hand hurts," Lena said, holding it up with a dazed expression. She seemed oblivious to the rest of her injuries and angled her hand sideways. "What's that?"

The glint caught Kara's eye and she fought the urge to vomit. "That's glass, Lena. Why is there glass in your hand?" _She's in shock._

"I'm sorry," Lena said again.

"I'm taking you to a hospital." Kara stood up, her glasses falling off.

"No! No 'ospital," Lena mumbled.

"You need a doctor, Lee." She automatically went back to her old nickname without realizing it.

Lena's eyes snapped open and Kara was shocked by the pure terror looking back at her. "No hospitals," she said in a louder voice. "He'll find me."

"Who? Who will find you? Nicholas?"

Lena's body shuddered at the name and she nodded; her hand tightening around Kara's bicep. The glass cut through Kara's shirt easily but when it hit her skin there was nowhere for it to go. Lena cried out as it dug deeper into her hands and let go of Kara. "Can I stay here?" She whispered, "Just for a little while, then I'll go back."

"You are _not_ going back to that monster, I'll make sure of that. I'm taking you to the DEO."

Lena was silent but the exhausted relief in her eyes was enough for Kara. Her mind was racing. The fastest way to get to the DEO was flying but she couldn't go out the window with Lena, and she couldn't fly out of her apartment building door. Cursing, she headed for the stairs, not wanting to run into anyone on the elevator. "Hold on," she muttered, more to ease her own nerves than Lena's. The brunette was unresponsive, her head bumping on Kara's shoulders as she ran down the stairs. "Fuck this." She flew down the remaining flights, bursting through the back door to the alley behind her building. With a cursory glance around her she soared upwards, shielding Lena's face from the wind.

The cold air on her skin woke her up and Lena opened her eyes to see someone's neck right in front of her. Pain radiated through her body and she thrashed out, trying to get away from Nicholas' fists.

"Lena! Calm down, we're almost there." Kara could see the building and sped up.

"No," Lena breathed. "Nicholas, please. You're hurting me."

"It's Kara. You're safe now."

"No," Lena repeated. "This isn't real, you're—"

"I'm Kara! Look." Pausing right before she was going to float down, Kara moved her head back and Lena saw the expanse of city stretching out underneath her.

The jarring sight made her rethink, her mind hazy. "Kara?" She said in a scared tone, not one hundred percent convinced.

"I've got you," Kara said calmly, the doors opening for her. "I've got you." She could barely hear the words that Lena breathed out as she flew down the hall but it sounded a lot like 'I love you.'

* * *

When Lena woke up everything was fuzzy. Her head felt full of cotton and her limbs were heavy. She tried opening her eyes but something was keeping the left one closed and the little that she could see was blurry. There was something resting on her stomach and it took her a minute to realize it was her own arm in a sling. An unfamiliar figure loomed over her and she groaned, too tired to say anything.

"Ms. Luthor, I'm J'onn J'onzz. We've met briefly a few times. You're safe here, you need to rest. Do you remember..."

His voice faded into nothing as she retreated mentally, blocking out the rest of the world. The next several hours she drifted in and out and time passed in a blend of discomfort and fear. Sometimes she would wake to someone sitting by her bed; Sam, J'onn, Sam again. She thought she saw Winn but it must have been a trick of the light, and she never saw the face she was looking for. At some point she mumbled "cold" and another blanket was brought for her. Each time she would wake up she barely had the energy to look around for Kara before drifting off into unconsciousness.

Later that day she opened her eyes to see Sam and Ruby asleep by her bed. Her left eye was still covered by something and she felt around it, ripping off the medical eye patch with a groan. It was enough to wake Sam, who shot to her feet.

"Lena. How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," Lena mumbled. She pulled the oxygen tube off her face and tried to sit up, wincing.

"Lie down," Sam whispered.

"I need to go home. This was a mistake," Lena insisted. Kara had stayed until Sam arrived, at which point the CFO had watched as a team of doctors tried to document her injuries but she was seconds from falling off her feet. J'onn had pushed them aside and carried her to a bed, demanding that they help her first. Then the rest of the night was a jumble of doctors and questions and glimpses of x-rays; the scent of blood in the air, the prick of needles in her arm.

Sam pushed her down, careful to avoid her left arm which was in a sling. "You're staying here. Don't even think about it, I see you reaching for that IV." Her voice was stern and Ruby opened her eyes blearily.

"Hi Aunt Lena. Are you feeling better?"

"I feel fine, Ruby," Lena said, not looking at the younger girl. She wondered what Sam had told her daughter about why she seemed constantly injured; always in the hospital or recovering.

"Ruby, can you go find me a coffee somewhere?" Sam said with an exasperated glance at Lena.

"Mom says someone hurt you. Someone bad. And that you should stay here until Supergirl catches him," Ruby ignored her mother.

"Did she now?" Lena glared at Sam who shrugged.

"Was it the same bad person as before?"

"Before?"

"Yeah." Ruby played with her watch, tightening and loosening the strap. "From last time, the people who took you away."

Lena froze, her fingers curled around the IV line. Since Nicholas had been living with her, her nightmares of when her mother had kidnapped her had been more frequent, more vivid. She hadn't gotten a full night's sleep in months and the only things that helped were talking to her mother's hologram and Kara, both of which were cut off when Nicholas arrived in National City.

"Ruby. Homework. Now."

With a sympathetic frown, Ruby stood up. "Feel better." She kissed Lena's cheek and ran out of the room saying something about puppies. They were dog-sitting for Alex and Maggie while the newlyweds were away and Gertrude was sleeping in an empty room somewhere.

Lena watched her go and raised and eyebrow. "What kid has homework over Christmas break?"

"None of them," Sam said seriously, "But she knows I wanted her to leave and she actually listens to me without acting all butt hurt about it."

"Get off my case, Sam."

"Open your eyes, Lena!" Now that Ruby was gone her calm demeanor was too, and the older woman was letting her fury show. "I'm not going to mince words. That man beat the shit out of you! And I let it happen, I swallowed down your lame excuses and white lies, but I'm done. Maybe you're fine being someone's punching bag, but I'm not fine watching it. I'm not going to stand by and watch you spiral into a wreck of someone I used to know." Lena was close to tears and Sam relented. "I love you like a sister, you know that. You took care of me and Ruby for so long, let me take care of you."

They were both silent for a while until Lena sighed, lying back. "I don't supposed you brought a crossword puzzle or something to pass the time?"

Sam's shoulders relaxed and she looked relieved. "I got an entire book of them. Merry Christmas."

"It's Christmas?" Lena took the offered book and pencil, propping it open across her legs.

"You just said it was Christmas break," Sam pointed out, confused.

"I know, but I meant _Christmas_ Christmas. The twenty-fifth of December." Lena started the first puzzle.

"Yes, it's Christmas."

"Hm." It was hard to keep the pages flat and write with only one hand and Lena picked up the book, filling in the blanks with her mind. She turned the page when she finished and lost herself in the little black and white boxes. _Shove your emotions in boxes and shove those away too. Lock everything away deep inside of you and then you can finally breathe._

* * *

A few hours passed and Lena was halfway through the book. Sam had said goodbye, leaving her alone for the evening and promising her a Christmas dinner when she got out of hospital. She felt a draft but she was too into her crossword to notice the minutes ticking by. "Nine letter word for 'taking off'. Huh. 'Removing' is only eight..."

"Ascending."

Her heart stopped. Not trusting her voice, she lay the book flat and started to fill in the blanks. She didn't look up, focusing on keeping her breathing steady until the last letter was written in the last box. When she had penciled in the final 'G', she swallowed. "You're here."

"You sound surprised."

"I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me," Lena said quietly.

"I didn't think I did either."

The words stung but she read between the lines and finally looked up to see Kara staring at her, her blue eyes thoughtful and wide and full of love. "Then why are you here?"

"I thought wrong," Kara said simply. Her eyes flicked down to the book and she picked it up. "So are you really that good or were you showing off just now?"

"I'd already done it, I just didn't write it down," Lena said defensively.

"So showing off." Lena stuck her tongue out at Kara and the reporter giggled. The sound of Kara's laugh was such a nice surprise that Lena let out a chuckle of her own. Their laughter brightened up the deserted med bay and Lena felt the corners of her mouth lifting; the skin around her split lip stretched and Kara saw her wince but didn't say anything.

"I miss seeing you around the office." Lena stared at the pencil, turning it over and over.

Kara blushed and mumbled something incoherently.

"What?"

"I said I was avoiding you. Clean your ears out, Luthor." Kara's tone lightened and Lena raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, it's insults, is it?" She said with a small smile. "Let's see you do a crossword puzzle."

"I'm no dummy," Kara warned, opening the book to a new page. "'Socrates dubbed him the educator of Greece.'" She frowned and the crinkle appeared between her eyebrows. "Five letters...Michelangelo?"

"That doesn't even fit!"

"It was the first name that popped into my head!"

Lena rolled her eyes. "Michelangelo was an Italian poet, sculptor, painter and architect. They weren't even alive in the same century."

Kara huffed in annoyance. "Alright, smarty-pants. Let's see you give it a try."

"Educator of Greece?" Lena thought for a moment then held out her hand. "May I?"

Kara surrendered the book, not missing the bruises on the insides of Lena's arms. "If you fill in the whole crossword I'm leaving," she threatened.

With a haughty air Lena wrote out one word. "It's Homer, you dolt."

"The dude who wrote the Iliad and the Odyssey?"

"I can't believe you're using the word 'dude' to describe one of the most influential poets of Western culture and literature but yes, that's him." Lena started to fill out the rest of the crossword but Kara slipped the pencil out of her hand.

"Lena."

"What's up." The brunette kept her eyes on the page until Kara shut the book.

"Enough banter. We need to talk." She followed the curve of Lena's neck and examined her face, her blue eyes resting on Lena's green ones.

Lena sighed, not looking up. "I was afraid of that."

"You need to tell the doctors what happened to you. Then we should talk about us." Her eyes scanned Lena's face, registering her injuries, filing away the anger that reared up deep inside her chest for a better time.

Pursing her lips, Lena stared straight ahead. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Well for starters, there's—"

"There's me being a complete asshole?" Lena interrupted, the words spilling out her mouth. "There's me cheating on you and you leaving me alone and me falling into bed with the worst person out there? I wasn't ready for you to leave but it wasn't really my choice, you were there and then you weren't and all I could say was 'okay.' Then there's the fact that we work together and we run a company together and I never see you?" The emotion she was feeling wasn't anger but a mix of guilt and sadness. "Or how I constantly try to push you away because I miss you so terribly and I can't have you. Or maybe you're referring to my being back in the government black site hospital where your sister and her wife works. Or that all I've been doing lately is feeling too humiliated and afraid to tell anyone what's been happening to me, because I'm _Lena Luthor_ and if you're not here who else is going to believe me?"

"Maggie doesn't work here," Kara said, confused.

"Is that really all you heard because I swear to god, Kara."

"No, I heard you. I just don't know what to say..." Kara scooted her chair closer and rested her hand on the side of the bed. Lena wanted to reach over and hold her hand but she didn't know if Kara wanted that, so she stopped herself. "You didn't say anything about Nicholas because you were afraid people wouldn't believe you?"

"You weren't here, Kara. It's hard to explain, but you weren't here and all I really wanted was my best friend."

"You could have told me."

Lena scoffed but her heart wasn't in it. "And what good would that have done? The girl who's heart I broke and the man who fell in love with me would both be looking at me like I let them down and I couldn't handle that. So I chose the burden I could bear."

"You know I would've dropped absolutely everything and flown across the world to see you."

"I didn't know that. And I went through one of the hardest and worst situations of my life, which is saying a lot, without anyone by my side. I can handle myself."

"You didn't have to," Kara said somberly. "What do you mean the burden you could bear?"

"Between pretending to love Nicholas and watching you fall out of love with me, I could only live with one of those things." Lena saw Kara's expression soften and felt her walls come down for the first time since that first slap, that first night she had convinced herself that Nicholas was all she deserved. "I'm not the type of person to give up on someone. Yes, I did something stupid. Beyond stupid, and you needed to move on. But I don't leave people, and that's why it always hurts so bad when they leave me. So when you left and didn't come back, I had to do something to numb the pain. I had to do something other than think every night of what I did to you." She laughed bitterly and Kara's eyebrows knit. "It's almost funny, I stayed with Nicholas to try to forget you but I think it burned you into my brain and into my heart in a way that nothing else could have."

"You're going to have to explain that one to me," Kara said with trepidation.

"If I had stayed alone, gone to bars every night and work every day like a normal person, I might be over you by now. Well, I doubt I'd be over you. But everything about Nicholas reminded me why you were perfect for me."

Kara bit her lip. Maybe it was the pain medication, maybe it was Lena finally talking to her, but she had one pressing question on her mind and she needed to hear the answer. "Why did you sleep with him?" The fury she felt towards Nicholas Masterson was beyond anger, beyond reality, but Lena needed her here, now, and she couldn't leave her side. _He's going to pay. I don't care how._

Lena exhaled. "Jesus Christ, Kara. There isn't a real reason. Maybe it's because I'm a Luthor. Maybe it's because I was afraid you were pushing me away and I was scared of getting my heart broken by you so I pushed you away first. Maybe it's because I don't like falling in love." She grimaced at the word and clenched her jaw. "Whenever I love someone, they disappear, so I trained myself not to fall in love anymore. I didn't realize I was falling in love with you and by the time I did it was too late—I was too far gone. So I fought back, and it didn't work, and I think I broke both of our hearts. But I never let myself be vulnerable."

"You are now."

"I am now," Lena agreed. "And I still miss you and I still want you and I'm never not thinking about you and it's so stupid." She looked at Kara shyly, wondering how the blonde would react to her admitting her feelings were still very much alive.

Kara was wary. Once bitten, twice shy, she didn't want to make the mistake of blurting out her emotions and embarrassing herself when they weren't returned. But they were returned, Lena was sitting in front of her looking at her and telling her that she still liked her and how could she say no to that? "Why do you always feel so inevitable to me?" she said softly, tentatively reaching for Lena's hand. She saw Lena relax the second they touched and she played with the brunette's fingers, waiting for an answer.

The old fear started up in her again—the fear of love that came with distrust, distrust that came from living in a house full of sociopaths for most of her life. She met Kara's eyes and the woman she loved stared back at her. She gave a half-sob, half-laugh and felt something in her shatter and Kara must have seen it because she stood up, her lips already parted. The emotion of the moment only added to the intensity and Lena felt the inches between them like lightning until the very moment Kara's mouth was on hers, warm and soft and gentle. After a second she started to kiss her back and Kara leaned over her, her hands braced on either side of Lena's bed. Her heart swelled but it was a shorter kiss than Lena would have liked; Kara was the one to break away, a stunned look on her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean—"

"No, it's fine, I just—"

"We're—"

"You didn't—"

They paused at the same time and Lena smiled sadly. "I'm not what you want."

"Yes you are," Kara said without hesitating. "The good, the bad the ugly. You are everything that I want."

"Are you saying I'm ugly?"

"You are one hundred percent beautiful one hundred percent of the time," Kara said earnestly.

Lena looked up at her and Kara grinned."I'm also cold," the brunette said hopefully.

"Are you sure we should...you know. Maybe I should come back tomorrow."

"I don't want you to leave. And anyway, it's freezing and J'onn won't turn up the heat because he's an alien and you lot never seem to get cold."

Kara giggled. "J'onn hasn't turned up the heat in all the years I've known him. Say no more, ma'am. I'm here to save you from the freezing sixty-nine degrees of this indoor medical facility. I need a nap anyway."

"You're insulting me again," Lena said as she made room for Kara.

"No, I'm not." The blonde slipped an arm behind Lena's head and intertwined their fingers.

Lena immediately felt warmer, Kara's body heat seeping into her. "Kara?"

"Yeah?" Her eyes were already closed but her hand tightened around Lena's.

"What happens after today?"

Kara yawned and turned her head so she was breathing into Lena's neck. Her scent hadn't changed and Kara took a deep breath before answering. "Save the worrying for tomorrow."

Lena craned her head back and smiled at the sight of Kara lying next to her. _Maybe I didn't ruin everything._ She slid Kara's glasses off, hooking them on the neck of her hospital gown. "I don't want to do this alone," she whispered.

"Then we can do it together. Tomorrow." Kara brought Lena's hand to her lips and kissed it. "Merry Christmas."

* * *

that got v lena-centric but goddamn I love her sm


	41. 41) What Happened to You

do u ever just think abt how much queer baiting there is out there and just sNAP

* * *

"Where are you that the cell service sucks?"

Kara snorted at her sister. "I think that has more to do with you being on a remote island, but I'm waiting for Lena at the DEO."

"Lena? Why is she there? Why are you waiting for her?"

Hesitating, Kara glanced over at Lena's sleeping figure. "She wouldn't go to the hospital. Her collarbone is broken."

"Her collarbone? Did she fall out of her fifty-story penthouse or something?"

"No. I didn't really get the full story but I think Nicholas..."

Alex let out a small gasp. "Oh my god, Kara, I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault." Kara kicked at a table leg and the metal snapped, sending medical tools clattering to the ground. "For the love of Rao," she grumbled.

"What was that?"

"I knocked something over." Kara squatted down, trying to fix the table leg. Holding the pieces together, she soldered them back into place. "Fixed it," she said proudly.

Alex covered the phone with her hand and looked over at Maggie who was waking up. "Lena's in the hospital again."

"Is she okay? What happened?" Maggie's shirt was falling off her shoulder and she tugged the sleeve up, yawning. "This wouldn't have anything to do with whatever you saw at Thanksgiving, would it?"

"Maybe."

Maggie shrugged. "Well, if you want to tell me I'm still curious but you don't have to. I trust you." She kissed Alex's cheek and walked to the bathroom, shedding her tank top.

Alex watched her go and blinked when she started up the bath. "Hey Kara?"

"Yeah." Kara was still putting everything back onto the table which now had the slightest tilt. She heard a laugh and saw that Lena was awake, watching her with an amused expression on her face.

"Keep me updated. I gotta go." She stepped into the bathroom after her wife. Maggie was bent over the edge of tub testing the temperature and she wrapped her arms around her waist. "Do you want to have a late breakfast?"

"Breakfast? The first meal I'm eating today will be lunch." Maggie tilted her head back as Alex kissed her neck. "Or you."

"We could take a bath. There's an entire soaking tub here and I would hate for it to go to waste." Alex's matching shirt and underwear ensemble got splashed with water when she stepped over the edge of the tub. She bent over, sliding her panties off and saw with satisfaction when she straightened up that Maggie's mouth was open slightly, her tongue resting between her teeth.

"I want to know what happened to Lena," Maggie said, regaining her composure. "Tell me in the bath."

"You always have the water too hot," Alex complained, sitting down. Maggie joined her on the floor of the tub, a content look on her face. "It's like you're cold-blooded."

"Says the lady who takes freezing cold showers at freaking six in the morning. Don't knock my habits, you married this." She smirked and turned the temperature up.

Alex peeled off her wet tee shirt, smiling. "Yeah, I did."

Maggie reached around her and stroked her spine; Alex purred like a cat and closed her eyes. "It's nice that you don't have broken bones for our honeymoon." Alex's eyes opened and Maggie frowned. "Why do you look so guilty?"

"Kara said that Lena's collarbone got broken."

"Jesus. Did she fall down a flight of stairs?"

"Not really. I'll explain." Alex spun Maggie around and water splashed over the sides as Maggie leaned against her chest. "You remember Thanksgiving?"

"Vividly." Maggie swirled the water around them to make the temperature even.

"When I accidentally pulled Lena's coat off, I saw that she had...bruises."

"Bruises," Maggie echoed.

"Yeah, like...like how I looked a few days after Kara and I got into that fight. About Winn." Alex swallowed and started rubbing Maggie's shoulders, needing to do something with her hands. It was still an unapproachable topic for her and no matter how many times anyone said it wasn't her fault, those were her bullets that they pulled out of his body. "Like someone had hit her."

Maggie's hands stopped moving. "You're saying someone attacked her." Alex recognized her cop voice and nodded in confirmation when Maggie craned her neck, looking back at her. "Why didn't she file a police report?"

"According to Kara, she's filing one right now."

"Because she's in the hospital again." There was no question in her tone.

"It won't be hard to find who did it," Alex said bitterly. "Sam and I already know it was him." Maggie's eyes darkened in confusion and her eyebrows twitched just enough for Alex to know a storm was brewing. "Her boyfriend," she clarified after a moment's hesitation. "Nicholas Masterson."

* * *

"What happened when you arrived at your home?"

Lena rubbed her temples. The doctors had finished taking all their photos and every single camera flash was a harsh reminder of what had happened to her. She wished Kara was in the room but she had sent her away, asking her not to listen to her. She wondered if Kara regretted staying the night, wondered if she was already halfway back to London, but the DEO agent was waving a hand in front of her and she squeezed her eyes shut. "I was coming back from work late, as usual. When I got to the door I was tired; it was a long day and I had taken the stairs up."

"Why did you take the stairs?"

"Because I didn't want to get back quickly."

"And then what happened?"

 _Dragging her feet to the door, Lena pulled her keys out. The same thought that had crossed her mind every evening for the last few weeks returned as she put her hand on the door knob._ Don't go in. _And just like every time before, she ignored the voice in her head and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. "Hey," she called out._

" _Hey, sexy." Nicholas was lying on her bed with his shirt off reading a book and she raised an eyebrow. He's been leaving early in the morning to work out and it was clearly paying off. "Work late?" He closed the page on "_ _Stock Investing, a How to and Why,_ _" and watched her cross the room, his eyes following her every move._

 _It always started like this. But this quiet, calm version of him that she came home to, that she planned vacations with, could evaporate in seconds, she knew. "I was actually working with your shareholders." She took her coat off and hung it up. Maybe they wouldn't fight tonight. She didn't know how much more she could take. The small power she'd thought she'd had over him had been a ruse and he had proved it with his fists two days before. Her muscles were all tense as she sat down, taking off her heels and unclasping her earrings._

" _My shareholders? Why?"_

" _Because L-Corp is a business and my business is making money," Lena said carefully, laying her jewelry out._

" _What's that supposed to mean?" He got out of the bed and her heart pounded but she kept herself very still, feeling like a mouse in the eyes of a hawk. "Are you saying you still haven't been able to turn around my company?"_

" _I'm saying I'm doing my best," Lena said defensively._

" _Clearly that's not good enough! It's taken you forever and you don't seem to have anything to show for it—"_

" _It's barely been two months. I'll get there." Lena was annoyed at herself. How did he turn every conversation so it was her fault? "I can't help it if there's not much to work with."_

 _It was too much. She saw him in the mirror and then he was yanking her back. His fingers clawed at her shoulder, the sleeve ripped and she fell off the chair. She cried out, more in surprise than pain. He grabbed a fistful of her hair and threw her face first into the mirror and this time the noise that came from her was pain. The mirror cracked and she felt blood dripping down her face; her nose was throbbing._

" _Now we have to get a new mirror! And according to you there isn't enough money!" He yelled, frothing at the mouth. "This is what I get for falling in love with a Luthor, you ruin everything. You abuse me for so long and you still expect to get a penny out of me?"_

 _Lena was on her hands and knees, still reeling from the force of hitting the glass. Her splintered reflection stared back at her. She didn't even recognize the person looking back at her, dazed, bloody and more than a little desperate. "Kara," she said to herself. The reporter was her lifeline, the final remaining proof that there was someone who thought a Luthor was worth saving. That she was worth saving._

" _What's that?" Nicholas said angrily. He grabbed her chin and forced her to her feet._

" _You don't love me," Lena said with difficulty around his hand. "There was a girl who loved me once and she never would have acted like you, you selfish, immature asshole." She pushed him away and stumbled back._

 _His eyes widened for a second then he lunged forward and dug his fingers under her collarbone. "You are a worthless piece of shit," he snarled in her face._

" _Let go of me," she gasped, pushing against his unrelenting arm. He ignored her, his face a mask of anger. His knee came up and she doubled over, groaning. While she sucked in air he brought his hand around in a deadly arc, sending her crashing to the floor._

" _I told you not to betray me!" He stood over her and she curled into a ball, covering her head. He delivered a sharp kick to her back, followed by several more. When she didn't fight back, his fingers closed on her arm and he wrenched it back, overextending it. She let out a hoarse cry and rolled onto her back, clutching her arm to her chest. Clamping her mouth shut she grit her teeth, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of hearing her pain._

" _You think that stupid blonde still loves you? She took one look at you and ran! She's moved on with her life, she has bigger and better things to worry about or care about than you."_

 _The words cut her like a knife and she closed her eyes. Tears of anger leaked out; anger at Nicholas, at herself, at Kara, at the world._ Maybe I am a bad person, but do I deserve this? _"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she muttered to the floor._

 _"Your apologies aren't worth shit._ _Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He pulled her up and she winced, biting down on her lip at the pain in her shoulder. "Don't you care what I have to say?!"_

" _No," She answered honestly, defiance burning her cheeks._

 _His eye twitched and then she was falling. As she hit the ground Nicholas smashed his fist into the mirror and wickedly sharp shards of glass rained down on her. She covered her face, feeling the sharp edges bite into her arms, and Nicholas lashed out with his foot. She felt it connect solidly with bone at just the wrong angle and her collarbone snapped. The scream only lasted a second as her momentum carried her over the pieces of broken mirror. It cut her knees and sliced into her palms and she felt herself going into shock._

 _The storm was over. "You_ _shouldn't make that much of a mess," he said in a calm voice. His hand was bleeding and he let it drip onto her, stepping over her and ignoring her quiet gasps of pain. Going over to the fridge, her wrapped his hand in a towel and ice and opened a beer. "I'm going to shower," he said nonchalantly, shutting the bathroom door on her._

Get up. You need to get out of here.

" _I can't move," she whispered._

Well you can't keep lying here on the floor like a fish that's just been gutted.

" _Great advice, mother."_

There aren't a lot of places you can go so suck it up. The Girl of Steel is your best bet. She'll most likely want to kill him afterwards, but I don't blame her.

"And then how did you get to Ms. Danvers' apartment?"

"What?" Lena looked around.

"After he went into the bathroom, what happened?"

Lena watched as a doctor administered another dose of morphine. It traveled through her IV line and suddenly all the air was sucked out of the room. In front of her the walls flashed from white and blue to rusted metal. The DEO agents hovering over her looked like the men that her mother had had brutalize her and the lights started to flicker for no one but her.

"Ms. Luthor?"

"Get out." Her voice cracked and when the agent leaned in to hear her better she flinched away.

"What was that?"

"I said get out!" Her voice rose as she panicked and pulled the needle out of her arm.

"Ms. Luthor, I need you to calm down," the agent said in a soothing voice. "You're safe here."

Lena's breaths were coming shorter and shorter and a blur came in through the door as she gasped. The four people huddled around her bed were forced back. _Kara._ "Supergirl." The panic in her chest was a steady thrum.

Kara didn't look at her. "If she asked for space, I suggest you give it to her." She cut an intimidating figure standing there in her cape with her hands on her hips, glaring at all the doctors. They mumbled apologies and shuffled out of the room, shooting Lena expressions of awe and almost envy. Kara turned to Lena and grinned. "And that's how you—Lena!"

Lena was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack. Her heart was racing and her body was in survival mode but there was no one to hide from, nowhere for the adrenaline to go. Her limbs felt numb and the IV hung over the side of the bed, dripping onto the floor with a slow rhythm that did nothing to ease her anxiety. "I don't—I just need—some air." Her gasps were shaky and Kara scanned the room for something that would help. Her heart was pounding in time to Lena's breathing and she locked eyes with her.

"You're gonna be fine," she reassured her, grabbing several thick, wool blankets. "Here." She piled them on top of Lena and the weight on her body started to relax her. "Ready?"

"For what?!" She was nestled under the blankets, which moved as her chest heaved.

"Fresh air." Bracing her arms underneath and above the bed, Kara smiled reassuringly at Lena and then they were floating.

"Kara, I don't think this is a good idea." Her worry for Kara overrode her own anxieties and her forehead wrinkled. "It's broad daylight, someone could see you."

They were hovering a few feet off the ground and Kara saw the way Lena was looking eagerly at the sky despite the words coming out of her mouth. "Will it help you?"

"Yes, but—"

"The open sky, fresh air, nothing around you for miles and miles?"

"Yes."

"Then your wish is my command." Lena smiled uncertainly when Kara winked at her and the blonde's heart swelled in her chest. "Faster than a speeding bullet." She sandwiched the blankets and the underside of the bed and shot into the sky.

When they settled high enough that no one could see them, Lena's anxiety still hadn't abated. "What if someone sees me? What if someone recognizes you?"

Kara knit her eyebrows. "If this isn't helping, we can go back."

"No, not yet. Please." Lena scanned the skies around her. "As long as you're sure."

"I'm sure," Kara said confidently. There were a few minutes of peace and quiet where she watched Lena enjoying herself. The brunette was watching the clouds go by and humming a song that Kara didn't recognize. The tension went out of her shoulders and she closed her eyes, then the sound of an approaching jet jarred her out of her serene state. "Um," she said slowly, not wanting to startle Lena. "We should look at a different part of the city, huh."

"Is something wrong?"

"No, just the small issue of something flying directly at us at top speed." Not giving Lena the chance to reply, she flattened her body on top of the bed and they dropped like a rock. There was a scream trapped in Lena's throat but Kara was so close to her with that blinding smile that she forgot they were plummeting through the sky for a moment. Kara was here, Kara would keep her safe.

A sharp jerk later and they were back in the DEO, papers flying around them. As they drifted to the floor the breeze from Kara's super speed died down and a jet planed roared overhead.

"It's so fascinating how you do that," Lena said, all her worry forgotten.

"That drop and catch? I know, it's pretty cool." Kara grinned at her proudly, her hair messy.

"No. That you heard that plane coming and reacted in time. It would have been about one point eight-five miles away, because you only had about ten, twelve seconds before it flew by. The average plane flies at about five hundred fifty miles per hour and you got us back here before it traveled two miles."

"One point eight-three," Kara corrected her.

"I was rounding up—are you messing with me?" Lena shoved some of the blankets off and sat up. The bandages on her hands and face pulled at her skin and she winced but waved away Kara's fluttering hands.

Kara stepped back and shrugged. "We did calculus when we were seven on Krypton. Or was it eight? Either way, it's just division."

Lena's eyebrows shot up. "You're kidding. Are you kidding? You must be a genius! Next time I need to bounce ideas off someone I know who to call. There's this project on quantum entanglement but the vectors aren't—"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I said we did complicated math early on, I never said I was good at it!"

"I'm not letting your untapped reserves of mathematics genius go to waste." Lena twisted her shoulder wrong and groaned. "We can do math puzzles of something," she continued with a pained expression.

"Lena?" Kara's face transformed at the drop of a hat. "What's wrong? I'll get the doctor." Worry wrinkled her forehead and Lena smiled at the adorable expression, though she was clearly in pain.

"I'm just sore," she grimaced. "Nicholas..." A hint of fear entered her voice and Kara's eyes narrowed. Her body started to shake and Lena put a steadying hand on her arm. "Don't do anything stupid," she warned. "I know I can't stop you, but you should leave it to the police."

"You have stopped me," Kara insisted. "The only reason I haven't kicked down your apartment door is because I thought you needed me here more. The second that changes, I'll—"

"Kara, I will never not need you." She hooked her fingers under the blue suit and tugged the blonde down, kissing her gently. "Wait." She leaned back.

"Did I hurt you?" Kara asked worriedly. "Sometimes my super strength gets out of control." She was a blur as she changed clothes, black jeans and a work blouse replacing her cape and family crest.

"It's not that. Did you say _my_ apartment?"

"Yeah. The jerk's still there. Do you want me to go over?" Kara said earnestly. "Maybe he's ransacking the place. I could dispense justice." The hot curl of anger that had been in her stomach since Christmas Eve started to burn again and her hands closed on the side of the bed.

Lena frowned at the dents Kara was leaving in the metal. "Not much to ransack, I keep everything important at the office. I'm just surprised he's still there, I would've thought he went back to his own place."

"He's waiting for you," Kara admitted. " I overheard a conversation he had with his brother and he wants you to forgive him."

"His brother?" A doctor came in and reconnected her IV and this time she held still, Kara's hand on her shoulder grounding her. "He's an only child."

"Weird. He definitely said 'what are brothers for." They broke apart until he left. Kara balanced on the edge of the bed, looking into Lena's eyes. "I'm worried about you."

"Me?" Lena scoffed, but her joking expression faded at the look on Kara's face. "I'm fine, really."

"See, I'd believe you but I know you and you are definitely _not_ fine." Kara watched her throat muscles contract as Lena swallowed and clenched her jaw. "And maybe you don't want to say it or maybe you can't say it, but I know you. I know you always say you're fine after terrible things happen to you and I know you keep your pain hidden deep inside." Lena opened her mouth and Kara covered it with her hand. "I know you well enough to know that you're going to say I'm right and you're dealing with it and then nothing will change. Nothing will be fixed and it breaks my heart that you're hurting and I can't do anything about it except be here." Her eyes were watering from the emotion of the moment but she found Lena's gaze, pleading with her ocean blue eyes.

Lena swallowed again. "I don't deserve that. I can see in your eyes that you would do anything for me and in business that's a good thing. That's when you strike, when you close the deal. But the idea of you loving me scares me." She looked at Kara's moon-eyed expression and her heart throbbed.

"I scare you?" Kara said incredulously. "Because I'm an alien?" Fear blossomed in her chest and she leaned back.

"No! Nothing like that," Lena said quickly. Kara stared at her, confusion in her eyes. "I just mean...My whole life I was raised to be independent. Yes, my family was wealthy and yes, they provided for me but in every other aspect I was completely alone. And along you come, flying into my office and making me fall in love with you and that scares me because now I have something to lose. It scares me that you mean more to me than anyone I've ever met," she confessed. "You are everything I need, everything I want. It scares me that you'll realize I'm not enough for you and you'll leave, so I did everything I could to protect myself but it wasn't enough. And I'll never be good enough for you."

Kara's eyes widened. "Not enough? You are everything to me. You are my entire world."

Lena shuddered and Kara felt it through the blankets. No one had ever told her she was enough for anything before. She had never been enough for her mother, always letting her down. As a woman in business, she had to work twice as hard because people never took her seriously the first time around. Whenever someone heard her last name their expression would change and they would reevaluate her, and her heart would sink. "I feel like a horrible person for saying this, but..."

"But what?" Kara leaned forward and nibbled Lena's earlobe. Goosebumps raised on her arms as Kara's teeth grazed her skin and she closed her eyes.

"I want you to be afraid of losing me. Even though I know I'd never let you go."

Kara laughed close to Lena's ear. "Of course I'm afraid of losing you, silly. Do you know how many people would hit on you if I wasn't around?"

"They hit on me now," Lena smiled.

"Hmm. That'll change." Kara narrowed her eyes. "I'll need some names and maybe addresses."

Lena stretched forward and kissed the crinkle between her eyes. "You think you'll lose me to someone who can't fly?" She didn't mean it, of course she didn't.

"I already lost you twice. I'm not here to do it again," Kara warned.

"Never." Lena paused, thinking about Nicholas. "You should probably know this. I know he isn't really worth my time, but I spent so much of my time with Nicholas...my feelings for him are so confusing."

"Okay," Kara nodded. She wasn't going to pretend to understand how Lena could feel anything but disdain for someone who had abused her. She still wanted to hit him until she couldn't feel her fists, make him apologize for everything he'd ever done wrong.

"When you left, he was the only person who stayed with me. And it made us grow too close, too fast. But when he started...I just don't want you to think that I hate him. I don't. I can't explain it, but I just don't." Knowing Kara, she would be nothing but accepting, but there was still some apprehension in her voice.

"That's fine. But if you ever leave me for someone else, I'll lose my shit. I'll fly around the world in the opposite direction until the Earth changes direction and I turn back time."

"Can you really do that?"

"No, but I know someone who can," Kara said seriously. "I'm telling you right now, I get jealous and clingy and you know I don't deal with drama well. But I promise no one will ever love you like I will."

* * *

"J'onn, come meet me when you get this." Alex hung up and knocked on the door. "Police, open up!" She wondered if she looked appropriately police-like with an empty duffle bag slung over her shoulder, but didn't care enough. There were a few seconds of silence and she considered knocking the door down but stopped herself, luckily for her because the door swung open a second later.

The face from the magazines looked back at her but he wasn't clean-shaven or smiling; a five o'clock shadow lined his chin and his eyes were red. "Can I help you?" His breath smelled like alcohol and Alex's nose twitched at the sour, familiar scent.

"I think you can," Alex said sternly, taking in his wrinkled dress shirt and bandaged hand. "Are you Nicholas Masterson?"

"Who's asking?"

"I'm asking. You are aware this isn't your apartment?" Kara had asked her to check on the penthouse and grab some of Lena's things since she didn't want to leave Lena alone. She had said nothing about the man inside but there was a silent understanding between them. Her sister's hesitant pauses over the phone spoke volumes and an hour after her plane touched down she was driving to Lena's building, fire in her veins.

"It's my girlfriend's."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "Right. Whatever. I'm going to need to get inside, buddy."

"Can't let you do that," he hiccuped.

"You're drunk," she said with contempt, "So this might be hard for you to grasp, but you do not want to get in my way." _What are you hiding?_

"Show me a warrant and I'll let you," he said defiantly, leaning on the door frame.

"Oh, you'll _let me?_ " Her voice was dangerously soft and her hands twitched at her sides. "That's cute."

"Do you have a warrant?" He stood his ground. "It's always women like you thinking you can walk up to me and do whatever you want."

"Women like me?" Her teeth snapped together. She was one more comment away from pulling her gun on him.

"You know what I mean. Daddy issues, thinking you're into girls." He waved a hand at her then careened back when her fist crushed his larynx. Still gasping, his took a swing at her. It was a big mistake. She blocked his arm, pulled his head down and kneed him in the chest. He hit the ground like a shitty sack of potatoes.

"Wow, I did _not_ wear the right shoes for this." Alex brushed her hands off and stepped over him. "Alright. Clothes." Striding purposefully for what she hoped was the bedroom, she was met with a locked door.

"Don't open that," Nicholas groaned from the floor. "I'm waiting for her to come back."

"Who, Lena?" Alex said snidely. "Not likely." She shot the lock off over Nicholas' protests and the door let out a _creak_ as it swung inward. Her next sarcastic remark died in her throat when she stepped into Lena's room. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, J'onn telling her he'd arrived, but she didn't hear it.

The first thing she noticed was the shattered mirror along the front wall. It shimmered in the midday sun coming in the window; some of it was crushed into powder that dusted the carpet. Dried blood was smeared across the floor and drops of red stained the glass.

"Who are you?" She heard from the other room.

"My name is Jones. I suggest you stay out of the way, sir."

"You can't just come in here!"

"Actually, I can. We have Lena Luthor back at our facility and she's the one who sent us. You won't be seeing her for a long, long time."

"She's better off with me."

"You know that's not true. Mr. Masterson, you're under arrest." Alex heard the _click_ of handcuffs like an underwater echo and when J'onn joined her she was kneeling on the ground, a shard of mirror inches from her outstretched hand. "Alex?"

Crouching on the ground, Alex's mind was spinning. Was this her fault? Why didn't she do something sooner? The inexpressible rage she still carried for what Maggie had gone through reawakened. _I know how Kara feels right now._ She didn't notice J'onn slide the bag off her shoulder. He started to fill it with clothes and she got to her feet, a buzzing noise in her ears.

"Alex, don't do anything you'll regret," J'onn said, seeing her take a step towards where Nicholas sat, handcuffed on the couch.

She seized his collar and shoved him back. Anger trapped the words in her throat but her eyes were burning and he took the opportunity to antagonize her.

"You aren't better than me. You didn't do anything, you abandoned her at the same time that blonde did." He narrowed his eyes. "You're afraid you'll never have a full life? You're right. You're nothing, and you'd settle for a man like me before you ever find someone to love. You'll die alone."

Something pushed Alex back before she could hit him and in the corner of her eye she saw J'onn fly at Nicholas. The martian slammed him into the wall and his eyes were glowing bright red. "What the fuck!" Nicholas yelled. "Freak!"

"Say something like that again and I'll make sure no one remembers even the sound of your name," he growled, the veins standing out in his neck.

Alex tugged on his arm but she wasn't strong enough to pull them down. "J'onn, don't do anything you might regret," she repeated his own words back to him to no effect. "J'onn! We'll just take him in. Violence isn't always the answer. You have to be better than this."

 _Martians are a people of peace._ His father's memory came to him and the light in his eyes died. "I'm sorry," he said, letting Nicholas go. The director looked startled, like he hadn't meant to attack the younger man.

Alex grabbed the duffel bag J'onn had dropped while he stood off to the side, watching them with a wary look. "Wipe that smirk off your face or I'll punch your teeth down your throat."

"What you're doing is illegal. You aren't the police and when I don't show up at work people will ask questions."

"You've been drinking yourself into a stupor and no one's noticed so it's safe to say we have a few days." She nudged the front door open with her foot and he walked out, shooting her a look of contempt.


	42. 42) Alex Loses Her Temper (TW)

happy holidays! time to break some new year's resolutions also I just binged Melissa's season of glee (let's be real season 4 was _hers_ )

* * *

" _You think I'm just too serious._

 _I think you're full of it._

 _My head is spinning so_

 _Blow me one last kiss."_

"Oh my god!" Sam wiped the tears out her eyes. "What is she _wearing!_ "

"It's absolute gold, I know!" Lena paused the video and dissolved into a fit of laughter with her friend. "And I thought I was an emo teenager."

"Well your parents never loved you," Sam said jovially.

Lena sputtered. "I never did anything like _this,_ " she waved her phone around.

"What's going on? I can hear you guys laughing from down the hall." Kara walked into the room. She was dressed for work and eyed Sam's sweatpants with a look of envy.

"You can hear us from the next state over," Sam pointed out. "Lena just showed me an interesting video of you..."

"From high school," Lena finished. Kara still looked confused as she walked over to her couch. Lena had gone back to living with her and Sam stopped by almost every day. She kissed her girlfriend and glanced at the screen. She immediately blushed and hid her face with her hair. "I'm going to kill Alex," she muttered from behind a blonde curtain.

Lena parted her hair and kissed her. "I didn't know you were a brunette," she smirked. "It's hot."

"Your sister didn't send these," Sam piped up.

"Then who—oh, Rao." Kara put her head in her hands.

"You may be an alien but parents can embarrass us all," Lena said, rubbing her shoulder. "Have a seat."

"What did your mother ever do to embarrass you?" Kara grumbled, sliding into the empty spot on the couch.

"Popped back into my life and tried to kill you, framed me for a felony," Lena rolled her eyes. "Typical mother-daughter stuff."

"Alright, alright. Just hit play," Kara gave in.

"There's a great shot of your butt coming up."

Kara frowned at Sam. "How many times have you watched this?"

"This specific video? Five times so far. Not sure about all the others."

"Don't you people have jobs? You're CEO's, not burger flippers. Free time should be a foreign concept to you."

"One would argue that the latter is more vital to society." Lena's eyes were glued to the screen. "I'm digging the bad girl look and cargo pants."

" _I will do what I please, anything that I want_

 _I will breath, I will breathe, I won't worry at all_

 _You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear_

 _All the lies, all the lies, will be crystal clear."_

"How come you don't sing anymore? Did you do theater in college?"

"I stopped after high school," Kara said casually, reaching for a piece of popcorn.

"Why? You're amazing!" Lena saw Kara's crinkle appear and her voice softened. "What happened?"

Kara sighed, remembering that night when she was eighteen, her mom and Alex watching from the audience. "The last year of high school we did _Marry Poppins_ for the spring musical. I was the lead and I had to float across the stage a few times. They rigged up the stage with wires and pulleys and counterweights and we rehearsed over and over again and the first few shows went perfectly."

Lena nodded encouragingly. _She's so different when she's on stage, a lot less reserved, jumping around and flipping her hair like an excited schoolgirl. Just like the difference between Kara and Supergirl._

"On the last night, in my last scene, one of the wires that was lifting me snapped. It's this whole thing where Mary Poppins is singing and she's carried away by the changing wind."

"What did you do?" They were both staring at her, rapt with attention.

"Nothing. I didn't even notice and I carried on like it hadn't happened. I was in character, in the moment. I heard it snap—everyone did—but I didn't process what the sound meant. I was young, I was excited, and I still didn't have very good control of my powers. So I kept flying."

"Did anyone find out?" Sam looked concerned, despite the events happening almost ten years prior.

"There was a whole safety investigation. Thank Rao we didn't film it, we filmed the second night. There's a lot of superstition in theater, and one of them is never tape the opening or closing nights as the official production. Sure, funny improv stuff happens the most in the last show but it can throw it off," Kara explained, her hands moving more as she got excited. "There's also the ghost light, props disappearing, rules about the catwalks and—" she caught herself rambling and paused. "The stage hand, Kenny Li. He knew my secret and he fielded a lot of awkward questions about it. I still don't know how he convinced anyone that one wire was enough to life a hundred-plus pound girl perfectly upright, but I'll always be grateful."

"You should take it up again," Lena said when she finished.

"I'm too self-conscious. Not paying attention, that's what got people noticing in the first place."

"That, and the freaking spotlight on your face," Sam defended her. "I want you to sing something for us. Get over your stage fright."

Kara looked nervously at Lena. "Right now?"

Lena shrugged, pretending that she wasn't just as eager as Sam to hear Kara sing. "We could always watch the rest of the videos your mom sent. There's a particularly punchy Bruno Mars number that you make sex noises in." She didn't want to pressure Kara but she could see that performing was something she was passionate about and was already thinking of ways to get her to sing in front of a real audience.

"I didn't warm up or anything," Kara said shyly. She did want to sing for them, she was just afraid it would sound bad. For years people told her she had a beautiful voice, but she worried it hadn't held up over the years of going unused.

Lena tried one last time. "I've heard you humming in the shower and it sounds perfect. Sing us something or I'll rent out the nearest Verizon center until you perform for a full house."

"You wouldn't."

"She would," Sam jumped on board. "It's too late tonight but Ruby could sing with you sometime if you're too nervous to sing by yourself. She knows all the moves to every song on _Dance Dance Revolution Three,_ and she doesn't go back to school until the tenth."

"I would love if you sang us something," Lena said sincerely, "Unless you really don't think you can."

"No, I'll do it," Kara rose to the challenge, standing up. "Don't reverse psychology me, Lena Luthor."

Lena blew her a kiss. "I wouldn't dream of it." Kara turned on her heel and walked into her room and Lena heard the closet door open. "Kara, darling?"

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?" Sam shot her a confused look and she shrugged.

"Coming!" Kara reemerged with a guitar in one hand. "I hate singing a capella, messes up my timing," she said apologetically. Taking a seat on the chair opposite them, she started tuning the guitar.

"I didn't know you played guitar," Lena said incredulously.

"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," Kara joked, wrinkling her nose at the out-of-tune strings.

"I have secrets of my own." Lena winked at Sam so she wouldn't give her away. "I bet you don't know what instrument I play."

"Piano," Kara answered without hesitating.

"How'd you know? I never played for you," Lena made a face.

Kara grinned. "X-ray vision. You have one in your maze of a house, and why would you have one if you didn't play?"

"Maybe I thought it would make good decoration," Lena sniffed. "Because I'm super rich and super humble and I collect instruments."

"I also heard you playing at night the day I met you," Kara countered. "Now let me concentrate." She tapped her foot on the ground, thinking of a song as the familiar jitters flew around her stomach. _It's like riding a bicycle, just get back up there._ She started picking out a little ditty that Lena recognized and when she switched to strumming, she began to sing.

" _Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes._

 _But it's the only thing that I know._

 _When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes_

 _It is the only thing that makes us feel alive."_

Lena didn't realize she had stopped breathing until her lungs screamed at her for air. Kara kept stealing shy glances at her and Sam had gone completely still next to her. When the chorus started she blinked and the tears on the edges of her lids trickled down her face.

" _So you can keep me_

 _Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans_

 _Holding me closer 'til our eyes meet_

 _You won't ever be alone,_

 _Wait for me to come home."_

Kara's voice was quiet and clear, and it filled the small apartment. When the last strum died down she looked up nervously to see both women crying. "Are you okay?" She asked, alarm in her eyes.

"Okay? That was—I—no, I'm not okay," Lena said while wiping away tears. "You're turning me into a romantic."

"You're already romantic." Kara leaned the guitar on the couch and got up to kiss her. "You buy me flowers. And ice cream. And companies."

Laughing through her tears, Lena stood up and hugged her. "That's not the only reason I bought it, you know."

"Yeah, she also bought it so she could see your shining, eager face every time you walked into her office." Sensing that she should go, Sam got up too, wiping at her eyes. "I gotta get home to Ruby. She said she'd cook me dinner, so let's see if she's burned the house down yet."

"That girl is self-sufficient, she's better off if you stay here."

"You two are making me all emotional and I want to see my daughter. This is what a real mother-daughter relationship looks like, genius." Sam poked Lena's arm. "I'll see you tomorrow. Is Alex back in town yet?"

Not looking at her, Kara answered the older woman. "Yeah, she's, uh, Maggie's staying with her."

"Cool. Tell her to drop by if she's free for lunch tomorrow." Sam left and Kara pulled Lena to the bedroom.

"You were just waiting for her to leave, huh," she joked.

Kara smiled. "I just want to cuddle," she said honestly. "I missed you."

"But just cuddling is so boring," Lena said with a wink, moving to slip off her shirt. The motion felt practiced, empty from overuse. "You were pretty cute, singing out there." Despite her flirting, there was no fire, just Kara's arms around her and the promise of a good night's sleep.

"That's okay. We can be boring together." Kara tugged the hem of her shirt down and hugged her again, pulling them backwards onto the bed. "I don't know what you're used to anymore, but I haven't changed. Waking up with you is enough for me."

Lena paused, feeling vulnerable. With Nicholas, sex felt like an obligation but an objectively good thing. When they were naked, she finally had time to herself. He was too wrapped up in his penis to yell at her, her was too wrapped up in the sex to hit her. She had started thinking of herself like a mannequin, all the years of training in the Luthor mansion coming to her aid and keeping her poker face perfect while he grunted and strained on top of her. But here was a woman who was telling her that she didn't need to be naked to be appreciated, that it didn't matter that there was nothing to do but lie in each other's arms and fall asleep. "I love you." She turned her face into Kara's neck and kissed the mole below her jaw, her lips lingering for several seconds. There was no response and when she strained to see Kara's face, the blonde was already asleep. Smiling to herself, Lena reached for the ball of blankets—Kara's bed was always a mess—and covered them. Kara pulled her closer in her sleep and pressed her body into Lena's back, humming.

* * *

"I didn't do anything she didn't deserve."

"You know who you sound like?" Alex leaned over the table and met Nicholas' level gaze. "You sound like another low-life bastard that crossed my path, and I crushed him like a bug."

"You throw him in a deep hole like you're doing to me?"

"Not literally. But he went from a high-ranking police officer in a bustling urban metropolis to a part-time state trooper in Nebraska. And I occasionally check up on him."

"What did he do to you?"

Alex ground her jaw. "He's a rapist."

"Is he really a rapist, or did you do the old 'bait-and-switch'?"

She didn't justify his comment with a response, just opened a manila file with photos of injuries. J'onn was on the lookout for Kara; if there was any chance she was coming in to the DEO she was going to cut the interview short. "You're going away for as many years as I can get," she started.

"Domestic violence is a misdemeanor."

"It's funny that you know that. Something tells me it has to do with the two restraining orders I dug up from your past." She tapped the full-page photos on the table in front of her. "You love all your girlfriends the same way?"

"I don't have to tell you anything ."

"That's why you aren't allowed in Massachusetts or North Carolina. Got kicked off of Harvard and Duke's campuses." Alex crossed her arms and sat back. "Now, how did a seemingly successful man like yourself end up pissing me off?"

"Look, I did my time for the allegations." Nicholas shrugged, his hands cuffed to the table in front of him.

"Accusations," she corrected him. "Allegations means there was no verdict. You were found guilty. Twice."

"I spent a month in jail," he said arrogantly.

"In a private cell. And you paid off the first accuser in a settlement." She switched tactics, standing up and leaning on the table. "Did you know that money laundering is a class two felony?"

He swallowed but his body language didn't give anything away. "I did. First offenders will typically get off with probation. But I didn't do that."

"Hmm." She clicked her tongue. "Actually, looks like you did, buddy. And just like with the other heinous things you've done, this isn't your first time. You're looking at twelve years in prison." His eyes traveled from her face to her chest and he licked his lips. She felt acutely aware of his stare but didn't back down. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

"Yeah," he said, his eyes glinting. "Let me do you on the table and I'll confess to everything."

She snorted in disgust, sliding the photos back in the folder. "I think I'll let you cool off for a few hours. Overnight." She started to leave but he called after her.

"I love watching you walk away!" His jeering tone made her stop and turn around.

"Watch your mouth," She said sharply.

"Look, I'm just saying if I saw you on the street and knew you were gay, I'd turn you." His handcuffs rattled as he pointed to her. "Plus, you're a bad ass, which probably makes you crazy in bed." When her hands clenched into fists, he raised his eyebrows. "Oh, that's right. You got raped or something. Well, maybe he just wasn't the right guy for you."

"I never said I was the one he attacked," she said, egged on by his mocking tone.

"It seems awfully personal for it not to be you." He tilted his head and smiled. "What's wrong, doll. You look so...backed up. Need a man to come help you with that?"

"You're garbage," she said coldly. "Just like Collins."

He latched onto the information and bared his teeth. "I know that name. He was on the news a while back. And this could be a shot in the dark, but I'm guessing you knew the person he attacked."

Her eyes narrowed and she pointed a finger at him. "One more word and I will leave you in here until you rot."

He sat back and sighed. "Thanks for the confirmation. Did your girlfriend ever get over it? Cause I'm good for round two."

She forgot where she was. She forgot that she was an employee of the government, that there was a chance of the president hearing about what she did, that people could be watching through the cameras in the interrogation room. She stalked behind him, noting that he didn't drop the arrogant act, and yanked the chair out from under him.

"What the hell—ouch!" He yelled when he fell back, the cuffs cutting into his wrists. "Lady, are you stupid? You can't just do what you want!"

"Why not?" Alex growled. "That's exactly what you did. That's exactly what people like you do. You give a bad name to every man out there. Not all of you are entitled assholes, but you really take the cake."

"You can't do anything to me," he said defiantly but she saw with satisfaction there was fear in his wide eyes.

"Watch me." Time slowed down when she brought the chair up. The man in front of her flickered between Roger Collins and Nicholas Masterson, both of them begging her for mercy. All the times Maggie had woken up with nightmares or started crying for no reason, all the times she had needed comforting before Alex left her at home alone. The way her voice shook when she went back to clear out her apartment after moving in with Alex. Every single slash on her legs that spoke of her pain, her grief, her guilt. The wood cracked when it hit his back and splintered off in different directions. He let out a yell and then Alex was on top of him. She tore into him like a lioness catching her first antelope in months and in seconds the smell of blood was in the air. She lifted him up and slammed him face-first down onto the table, relishing his grunt of pain. "You think you can get away with anything you want?! You think you can define someone else's life?!" She rammed into his shoulder with her own and he weighed at least fifty pounds more but she had the upper hand and he slid across the table, the skin under the cuffs breaking as it pulled. The door burst open behind her; J'onn, coming to stop her.

"Agent Danvers, stand down!"

"Danvers?" Nicholas sneered at the name, blood dripping from his mouth. "Like that little blonde girl? Is everyone in your family a fag?"

Seizing up a piece of broken chair, Alex expected J'onn to stop her but he just watched as she struck the side of his head with enough force to break the wood in half. She beat him again, the satisfying shock of wood striking bone vibrating up through her hand into her shoulder, and raised her arm for another blow but J'onn caught her wrist and she turned on him angrily. Her savage look was met with an impassive expression. The only emotion he gave away was his eyebrows furrowing as he looked past her to the man lying across the table. "Arrest her," Nicholas spat, glaring at her with hate-filled eyes. "She attacked me unprovoked."

J'onn didn't even spare him a glance. "Agent Danvers, effective immediately, you are suspended until further notice."

Alex was breathing heavily, her pulse thundering in her ears. "Sir, he—"

"Go home to your wife, Alex. I'll deal with him." He guided her to the door and closed it in her face.

She blinked at the door. _What did I do?_ The broken wood hung from her hand and she screamed in frustration, hurling the chair leg down the hall. It split into three more pieces when it collided with the stone wall and she blew out a breath. She shouldn't have lost it. She didn't know what J'onn was planning on doing but if Kara heard about it, her sister was going to be angry with her. Not to mention the look Maggie would have when she heard that Alex had gone off the rails again. Ignoring all the other agents, she gathered her things and left through the back door, leaving her car in the garage. It had snowed the day before and the cold air would clear her head and stop her from feeling the bruises on her hands. The bruises that she would have to explain to Maggie. In all the months of her sobriety she had never felt this desperate for a drink but she walked right past the bar, her feet moving robotically along the icy pavement.

When she got back to her apartment, the first thing she did was turn on the shower. Maggie's shift wasn't over until six, so she put on some loud, angry rock music and stripped down to her underwear. Sitting naked under her kitchen lights she came to the conclusion that although Maggie and Kara would be upset with her, she didn't regret what she had done. The anger returned and she flexed her hand, wincing when it pulled on her skin. _At least I didn't split any knuckles,_ she thought grimly, going over to the freezer for an ice pack. After a few minutes she went back to the bathroom which was full of steam and got under the water. She washed away the dirt and blood and tried to wash away her anxiety to the blaring sounds of Nirvana. _You can't control how Maggie's going to respond. You can expect it, but that's about it. Control what you can control._ She turned the water up and closed her eyes as the pressure beat down on her back.

* * *

"Hey, Lena?"

"Hmm?" She was bent over her computer typing furiously.

"We're going over to Alex's for dinner, don't forget. Ruby's flight is tomorrow afternoon and Alex wanted to say goodbye."

"I didn't forget, I'm just busy with work. I have a lot to get done. What are you doing?"

Kara popped her head out from the bedroom. "Getting dressed. You okay? You got defensive real quick on me there."

Lena looked up. "Sorry. Force of habit." She was finishing up work emails; breaking Nicholas' company, liquidizing it and selling it off to the highest bidder was almost satisfying. It hadn't turned a profit but he had a sizable organization, and once the assets were separated out into numbers it had a significant payload. "These numbers aren't adding up," she muttered to herself, squinting at the screen.

"What was that?" Kara called from the bedroom. She had just gotten out of the shower and was trying to put on her pants with one hand and wrap Ruby's present with the other. She had gotten the girl _Dance Dance Revolution Four_ , which had only just come out over the new year and Sam had said she had begged for it all week.

"Nothing," Lena called back. _There's close to a million dollars unaccounted for._ Going through the transactions an out-of-place bank account with the routing number for a direct deposit caught her eye. A quick Google search told her it was of Massachusetts origin, and she called the bank.

"Good evening, Wells Fargo, this is Brittany."

"Hi, I'm inquiring about a recent transaction on an account of mine?"

"Can I have the account number please?" She read it out and waited while the woman typed away. "Looks like this account belongs to a Nicholas Masterson, are you sure this is the right number?"

"I'm sure."

The woman sounded skeptical. "There's not a lot I can do for you as you aren't the primary shareholder. What is the nature of your inquiry?"

"Oh, I'm just checking something for my boyfriend," Lena lied with a fake giggle. "I just wanted to make sure his paycheck went through for last month, we've been having issues with direct deposit in account ever since he started working for me."

"Where is the deposit from?"

Lena bit her lip knowing she would be giving herself away. "The company name? It's, um, L-Corp. As in Luthor."

The woman on the line didn't say anything, just typed some more and when Lena heard a mouse clicking she started to get impatient. She was about to say something when the lady spoke again. "The last deposit into this account from L-Corp was on December fifteenth for three hundred and fifty thousand dollars, and it was one of four similar deposits from the same company. Does that sound right to you?"

"Perfect," Lena said a little breathlessly. "Thank you for your time." She hung up the phone and stared at the computer. _How did I let this happen right under my nose?_

"Hey, what was that about?" Kara came into the room and gave her a quick kiss.

"Don't bank with Wells Fargo, their employees are idiots." Lena kissed her back, closing the computer. "You weren't listening?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "Just because I _can_ hear everything doesn't mean it's easy. I was focused on wrapping the present."

Lena looked at the ball of wrapping paper in her hand and raised an eyebrow. "You did a wonderful job," she said, trying to keep a straight face.

Tossing it onto the table, Kara sat down to put on her socks. "I tried my best, okay? So are you gonna tell me what that was?"

Rubbing the back of her neck, Lena groaned. "I just found out that Nicholas has been stealing money from L-Corp."

Kara grunted. "Oh, the money laundering? Al—Allan...is looking into it."

"Who's Allan?" Lena's eyes narrowed and she leaned forward. Kara seemed suddenly very interested in her sock pattern and didn't look up. "You wouldn't mean Alex, would you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kara said primly. Two seconds later, when it became clear that Lena wasn't buying her story, she groaned. "Okay, fine. Alex brought him in and I didn't tell you because I figured you already had a lot on your plate."

"Kara, he stole hundreds of thousands of dollars! Why wouldn't you tell me about that?"

"Because she's already working on getting it back," Kara sighed. "She's giving you the check tonight."

"For how much—you know what, it's not important. What's important is you lied to me." Her accusing tone made Kara put her feet down and sit up.

"You never specifically said to leave him alone, so when Alex went to get your stuff she brought J'onn along and they took him to the DEO."

Lena threw up her hands. "That was days ago! You can't just kidnap people and keep them forever! I swear, you aliens all have a god complex."

Kara recoiled. "Maggie, Alex and J'onn are all working on it. The three best people in law enforcement," she said in a hurt tone. "And I don't have a god complex."

"Why didn't anybody tell me?"

"Because I didn't think you'd care, alright?" The words came too fast for Kara to stop them and then she was on her feet. "I didn't think you'd care about what happened to the man that abused you, and I'm sorry about that because it looks like I was wrong. Because clearly you have some Stockholm syndrome or something to work through or else you wouldn't sound so worried about him."

"I told you I didn't hate him," Lena said calmly. Coldly.

"And I've made it pretty clear that I don't hate _anyone_ , but I hate him," Kara said defensively. "Alex will—"

"Your sister is a loose canon with violent tendencies and a list of demons a mile long. I don't really trust her around a...man like Nicholas."

"So you admit he's a bad person?"

"He's in a bad situation, that's all."

"Lena, come on," Kara said disbelievingly. "He stole money from you. He hit you. He ruined your life."

"He made sure I never went to sleep alone."

Kara made a disgusted noise. "That's what he has? That's the hold he has over you? I went to sleep alone night after night in a foreign country but you don't see me getting all hot and bothered for the London bridge!"

"I didn't make you leave." Lena crossed her arms. "That was your choice, and apparently it was the wrong one because it seems like neither of us can let it go."

"What do you want me to say?" Kara threw her hands up in frustration. "That I'm sorry? Of course I'm sorry! That I'll spend the next five hundred years regretting the fact that I didn't just pull you out of your apartment that morning? Hell, yeah, I will! But I'm here now, and I love you now, and sometimes it feels like you don't even see that." Her chest heaved and her cheeks were flushed in stark contrast to Lena's controlled expression.

The brunette's mouth was a thin line. She had felt this argument coming, building up ever since the doctor had released her. She was jumping back into her life with Kara far too quickly and she knew it, but she didn't feel safe by herself anymore. Part of her wanted the familiarity of Kara; her warm infectious personality and muscles of steel. Part of her just didn't want to be alone. "I'm going to get ready for the party."

Kara knew better than to follow her into the bedroom. When Lena got upset, she didn't raise her voice or throw things, she just got quiet. That's what she was doing now, shutting herself off from the world, the walls that she had built up for so long reappearing—this time against Kara. She texted her sister to let her know they were going to be late and sat back down, putting her head in her hands.

* * *

"Where's Lena?"

"She's coming." Kara stepped into Alex's apartment and looked around. "Where's the little monster hiding?" She called out playfully. Ruby peeked her head out from behind the couch.

"Kara!" She ran over but Gertrude got caught up in her legs.

"Ruby, be careful!" Sam admonished, seeing her trip. Kara reacted on instinct, flashing from the doorway to the couch ten feet away and steadying the younger girl before she could fall.

"Thanks," Ruby said with a grin. "Wow, you move really fast."

Maggie, Sam and Alex were staring at her and she cleared her throat nervously, searching for the right excuse. "I did, um, dancing in college. I mean, sprinting. Both. I did both. Merry late Christmas!" She held out the present and Ruby's face lit up.

"Oh my gosh!" She ripped the paper off and squealed. "I'm gonna play until dinner's ready!" She grabbed her mom and made a beeline for the TV as Maggie and Alex hid their laughter.

"Good one," Maggie sniggered from behind her hand.

Kara rolled her eyes and turned to her sister. "I need to talk to you."

"What's up?" Alex was bent over checking on the mac and cheese but she straightened up and turned around.

"How far have you gotten with—" She stopped talking when she saw Lena out of the corner of her eye. "Hey, baby. What took you so long?"

"Business call. Sorry I'm late." Lena hugged her friends and went to stand by Kara. "So," she said to Alex, "What's this I hear about you arresting my ex-boyfriend?"

Maggie shot her a glance but kept herself busy making a salad. The sounds of _Dance Dance Revolution_ blared and all four of them started, looking over at the Arias family.

"Sorry, sorry! Rube, turn the volume down a little," Sam chuckled. When she saw Lena's closed off body language she raised an eyebrow but went back to the game.

"Sure, we brought him in," Alex said, hiding her guilt. "What's the problem?"

"The problem is I didn't ask you to. The problem is I'm not pressing charges. The problem," Lena stepped closer to Alex, "is that I didn't want him arrested."

"Kara sent me over there, I assumed I was leaving with him."

Realization flitted across Lena's face and she turned to her girlfriend. "You knew she would arrest him."

"I never specifically told her to." Kara edged towards the living room.

"But you knew she would. You know your sister far too well to be surprised by anything she does."

"I was surprised when she turned out gay," Kara said unhelpfully.

Maggie pointed a fork at her. "Hey."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Lena asked, unamused.

Kara stared at the ceiling and blew out a breath. "Seriously? You want to drag this argument out here?"

"Even I know your sister well enough to know Nicholas did not come out of that unscathed," Lena said pointedly.

Kara bit her lip. "What do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb."

"Okay, maybe I thought there was a small possibility of her maybe losing her temper and maybe I wasn't completely against the idea. But J'onn is the one that's been dealing with him from what I've seen and they won't let me in the room," Kara grumbled. "And Alex hasn't even been at work for the last few days."

"About that," her sister said dryly, "J'onn suspended me."

Kara's jaw dropped and Lena glared at her. "J'onn never said anything to me!"

"I asked him not to."

"And why exactly did you get suspended?"

"Dinner's ready!" Maggie interrupted, shooting Lena a glance. Ruby and Sam paused their game and came over, effectively killing the conversation.

"You were cheating!" Sam said to her daughter as she set the table.

"No, I'm just better than you are." They all sat down to dinner and Ruby's constant chattering kept the atmosphere from getting too awkward. Whenever there was a lull, Alex would ask Ruby some inane question about school or sports or music or Lena would get up and refill everyone's water. They were both overcompensating for the tension in the room. Kara mostly talked to Maggie and Sam, Lena only talked to Sam and Ruby.

When even Kara was full (after an emergency order of pizza), Sam made Ruby clear the table before letting her go back to the TV.

"Hey, I have a science-y question for you," Maggie said to Lena.

"Okay, shoot."

Maggie stood up. "It's on the computer in the other room."

Lena had just gotten up to follow her but she paused. "Science?"

"Computer science. Don't argue." Maggie practically forced her out of the room and down the hall, leaving Alex alone with her sister.

"Why'd you get suspended?" Kara said under her breath with a glance and Sam and Ruby.

Alex leaned in and lowered her voice. "Do you want the official or the unofficial story?" She was clearly reluctant to answer the question but Kara pressed on.

"I think I better hear both."

Alex took a slow sip of water and wiped her mouth while Kara watched her impatiently. "Officially, I had to defend myself when I apprehended a violent criminal."

"And unofficially?" Kara's wide brown eyes were full of concern and Alex felt even guiltier. _Concern for me? Or Lena?_

"Unofficially, he's a piece of shit and I snapped. He was in pretty bad shape so J'onn—"

"Alex," Kara groaned, "What am I supposed to tell Lena?" She ran her hands through her hair.

Alex made a disgruntled face. "Tell her that he got what he deserved and she should stop sticking up for him. And anyways, I think Maggie's breaking the news to her. Sorry I made your girlfriend hate me."

"She doesn't hate you," Kara said automatically, reaching for her sister's hand. "No matter what she says, I know she doesn't love him so she won't be mad."

"You sure about that?"

"No." She bit her lip and looked at Alex from behind a curtain of hair. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Alex swirled her water around like it was bourbon and finished it.

The wrinkle in her forehead deepened and Kara shifted in her chair. "After Maggie...After everything, how did you help her move past it?"

Rubbing her forehead, Alex tried to think of what to say. "There's not a lot you can do," she admitted, "And you gotta be okay with that. Just take it slow. And remember that even if you feel kinda useless it doesn't mean you are."

Kara soaked up the information eagerly, nodding. "I'm patient. I really love her, Alex."

"I know you do." Alex rested her chin on her sister's shoulder and rubbed her back. She was still harboring a seed of resentment towards the CEO for what she had done to Kara, but she had more than paid for it so she kept quiet. "Did you know that mom cheated? On dad. Before he went missing."

The silence that met her question made her pull back. Kara's face was a mask of guilt and she was looking at Alex imploringly. "Did you just find out?"

"What?! How would I have known—how did you know?"

"My powers," Kara said quietly. "I didn't want to say anything and then I waited too long and he disappeared and everything went crazy. But I know for a fact Eliza never saw that man again."

Alex was shocked. "Does everyone always lie to each other and carry on like it's nothing?"

"I'm sorry, I know I should've said something but I figured it was a one time thing. And obviously now I know that it's not something small, because look at me and Lena—I forgave her but it's still something we had to move past."

"This is a little different, but how could you not tell me? We told each other everything back then," Alex said incredulously.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry!" Kara looked close to tears and Alex felt a surge of protectiveness. She was the strong one, she was the one that bore the weight of the world so her sister didn't have to but her sister had to keep this horrible secret all on her own.

"It's okay," she sighed, realizing it wasn't worth getting worked up about it, realizing it wasn't Kara she was mad at. "It wasn't on you to tell me. It's okay."

* * *

In Alex's bedroom, Maggie was opening her computer.

"What's the question?" Lena said suspiciously, watching her pull up a video.

"Oh, that was a lie," Maggie said easily, clicking the mouse a few times. "I just wanted to get you alone."

"What's going on?" A freeze frame of a brunette, teenage Kara in a cute beret was on the screen.

"I don't think Eliza sent you this one," Maggie said, getting up to close the door. "Sit down and watch."

Shooting her a confused look, Lena took her seat at the computer and hit the space-bar a little harder than necessary.

" _I've made up my mind_

 _Don't need to think it over_

 _If I'm wrong I am right_

 _Don't need to look no further_

 _This ain't lust, I know this is love..."_

The counter at the bottom reached zero and Lena swiveled in the chair. "What was the point of showing me that?" The unrequited-romance themed lyrics definitely spoke to her but she didn't know why Maggie had brought her to another room to make her watch it.

Maggie crossed her legs on the bed and stretched her back. "Alright, Luthor. Let me give it to you straight. We're all worried about you. Have been for weeks. We're your friends, and even a Luthor's superpower of complete disassociation can't save you from what you've been going through." She saw Lena swallow and uncrossed her legs, holding out her hands. After a moment's pause, Lena took them. "It's not your fault," Maggie said in a serious voice.

"I know I didn't start the fights—"

"Not what I mean. It's not your fault that you don't hate him."

Lena inhaled sharply, her shoulders sagging when she breathed out. She had figured Maggie to be the least likely to understand her feelings and she had been completely wrong. The phrase 'don't judge a book by it's cover' came to mind and she let out a choked laugh. "How did you know? I would've thought that you wanted me to hate him."

Maggie smiled sadly. "I think people should be allowed to process grief on their own."

"Grief? No one died."

"You did. A part of you. I may not be in your shoes, but what you went through..." Maggie shuddered. "It takes something out of you."

Lena's fingers tightened around Maggie's and she took a deep breath. "What happened to Nicholas?"

Maggie hesitated but answered truthfully. "The other night I came home from work and Alex was sitting at the kitchen counter, staring at a bottle of scotch. She told me that she'd messed up, that she felt like she was losing control of her life. The bottle wasn't open, but there was an empty glass next to it." She scanned Lena's face and kept going. "I asked her what happened and she said she'd arrested him and that he'd said some...distasteful things. Things that I won't repeat, because honestly it'll make me angry."

"Stop avoiding. Tell me what happened." Lena couldn't explain where the curiosity came from, the wondering if he was alright. And underneath that, the guilty hope that he wasn't, an unsettling eagerness to hear that Alex had done what she hadn't been able to.

"They brought him down to an interrogation room and there's no easy way to say this, but Alex lost her temper. From what I heard, the wooden chair he was sitting on ended up in pieces and he was more than a little bruised at the end of it all. J'onn threw her out and suspended her indefinitely.

"Indefinitely." _What did she do that was that bad?_ Lena processed that then blinked. "So why'd you show me the video?" They let go of each other.

"To remind you that you're not alone." Relieved that Lena wasn't angrier at Alex, Maggie nodded at the computer. "Look at Kara, singing her heart out. She hasn't changed. She feels everything that you go through in her own way and sometimes she doesn't think things all the way through. Alex is just the same. She wants to protect you but it's hard when she's trying to protect you from yourself, so she took it out on the other guilty party."

"Without telling me."

"Is that really what you're hung up on?" Maggie asked, sitting back.

Lena hung her head. "I just didn't want to have to be saved again."

"That's stupid," Maggie snorted. "You're dating a superhero. Anyway," she said in a knowing tone, "As someone who married a Danvers, I can tell you those ladies have little to no impulse control. I talked Alex down from shooting Nicholas—twice. I'm serious," she insisted, "And sometimes I wish I hadn't. The point is, whether you like it or not, you're a part of this family now. And we protect our own. I also think Alex was projecting a little, but it's not important." She started to drift off but stopped herself when a warm tongue licked her foot. "Hey, baby girl." She scooped her fast-growing puppy and dropped her in Lena's lap.

"This skirt was expensive," Lena protested halfheartedly.

"Jesus, lady. I'll buy you a new one if I can afford it." Maggie grinned when Lena relaxed, hugging Gertrude to her chest and kissing her soft, floppy ears. They sat quietly for a while then Lena sniffled.

"Thank you," she whispered.

Maggie handed her a tissue. "No problem. I'm here to keep all your heads on straight."

"I didn't understand why I was so angry at Kara, and now I know I wasn't. I was angry with myself," Lena sighed. "It's a miracle she's stuck around after everything."

"Wow, you really are dumb," the cop marveled. "You know you're never gonna get rid of her, right?"

"I could sleep with another guy," Lena said lamely, wiping her nose. Gertrude was licking the tears off her face.

"Something tells me Kara would find a way to throw him into the sun and come after you, so maybe don't." Maggie hopped off the bed and hit the keyboard a few times to wake up the computer. "For now, we can go through the collection of homemade videos Eliza sent. I'm obsessed with her cover of this Ellie Goulding song."

A minute later there was a knock at the door. "Ruby just challenged us all to a dance off," Kara called through the door, "And I can hear you guys. Stop watching me sing!"

"Coming, darling," Lena answered. "Keep it playing," she said to Maggie, scooting closer.


	43. 43) Trying to Move On

"I'm glad we went," Kara said as they got in the car. "I really am sorry about everything, I didn't know—"

Lena cut her off with a kiss, stretching over the center console. She caught Kara off-guard and when she put her hand out she honked the horn. They broke apart, laughing. "I forgive you." She reached for her seat belt as Kara started to drive. "So. Maggie told me you loved me."

Kara gave a fake gasp. "How did she find out?"

"I don't know but she said I was stupid for not seeing it."

Speeding up, Kara nodded. "Absolutely correct. You're the dumbest person I know."

"Be nice. What do you want to do tonight?"

"I was thinking of getting take out, watching a movie. We have work and the magazine goes to print tomorrow, so maybe a relaxing movie."

"You're kidding." Lena's eyebrows shot up. "You just ate a whole pizza on top of dinner."

Kara laughed, turning onto main street. "Yes, I'm kidding, you dork. I'm tired, Ruby beat me four times."

"I beat you twice."

Kara blushed in the dark, her knuckles turning white as she gripped the wheel. "I was distracted. You're wearing a very tight, _very_ short skirt."

"Good. Let's fuck when we get home," Lena said casually.

The tires squealed in protest when Kara slammed on the brakes, stopping inches from the car in front of her. "Sorry! Sorry," she mumbled, waving to the other driver. "A little warning would be nice." She turned to her girlfriend.

"I did warn you. The sex isn't happening until we get back," Lena said smugly. She felt wide awake, the lightning energy between her and Kara making the hair on her arms raise. Fire started in her blood.

"Where did that come from?" The turn signal clicked and Kara kept her eyes on the road. "Are you sure?" she asked cautiously. The smoldering gaze Lena turned on her answered her question and she let out an arrogant chuckle when Kara pressed down the accelerator, cutting someone off at an intersection.

They got into the elevator holding hands and giggling like school children. Kara kept her eyes straight ahead as the doors closed but she could feel Lena staring at her and she was only half-surprised when, on the second floor, Lena shoved her against the wall.

"Take your glasses off," the brunette demanded. She was a little unsure of how Kara would react to her newfound sexual confidence but she was excited to show her. Her hands roamed underneath Kara's shirt and she kissed her, a deep kiss that lasted until the elevator doors _dinged_ open on the sixth floor. She pulled the blonde out into the hallway and noted with some satisfaction that she was out of breath. Kara was fumbling with her keys while Lena kissed her neck and when she finally got the door open Lena pushed her inside, kicking it closed. They shed clothes all the way to the bedroom and Lena didn't hesitate, flattening Kara on top of the duvet.

"Whoa," Kara breathed between kisses. She wasn't good at flirting but now that they were naked in bed together she took over. "It's super hot that you're on top, but if you think you can over power me you're wrong." With a mixture of flying and rolling, she switched places with Lena, bracing herself on her elbows.

Their mouths crashed together, teeth and tongues and hot, heavy breaths. "Come closer," Lena moaned, dragging her down. Her fingers quickly found Kara's bra and undid the clasp, then glided down her ribs. Kara shivered, gasping next to Lena's ear when she felt fingers hook on the waist of her underwear. Lena ripped the fabric, the tearing sound filling the dark room along with their heavy breathing. She sat up and yanked her own bra off, moaning as Kara trailed kisses down her chest. She lay back down and wrapped her legs around Kara's back as she kissed nearer and nearer to the fire burning deep inside her body. Her legs shook and she tightened her hold on Kara; if she stood up now, Lena would have clung to her like a koala. Her underwear was gone; when, she didn't know, but Kara's breath on the insides of her thighs was undoing her. When she felt her tongue inside her she let out a very undignified noise. "There's a strap-on somewhere in my apartment," Lena said breathily, "But I didn't want to ask your sister to look for it."

"Where?" Kara came up for air.

"My apartment," Lena repeated, focusing on breathing evenly.

"No, _where,_ " Kara growled.

Lena was catching her breath. "Nightstand." A breeze blew across her legs. "Kara?" She realized she was alone and sat up. "What the—" Something flew past her and suddenly Kara was back, a sinfully proud expression on her face.

"Found it." She had on an extra long shirt that was hiding something and Lena bunched the fabric in her hands. Her lips were swollen and her hair had come out of it's neat, high bun. Kara pushed her back down and climbed on top of her. "Are you sure?" she asked for the second time that evening, searching Lena's expression for the slightest hint of discomfort.

There was none. "Yes."

Their hips ground together and Lena clutched at Kara, the shirt riding up. She ran her hands up and down her abs. "Are there any—fat Kryptonians?" she gasped into Kara's breasts.

"What?" Kara said distractedly. When Lena gripped her ass, her mind blanked and she sped up, the desire to see Lena finish driving her to the breaking point.

"Not...important," Lena got out, her back arching off the bed. The scent of sweat and sex and _Kara_ surrounded her and she inhaled deeply, making a low sound deep in her throat. Her eyes slipped half-closed and she raked her fingers through Kara's hair, lips burning on her collarbone. She pulled the blonde harder into her and her head fell back. Her fingernails scratched against Kara's skin—on anyone else she would've drawn blood, but Kara just shivered with pleasure. Lena's mouth made an 'O', the air trapped in her lungs.

Their legs tangled together and Kara's bones felt like they were melting. Just like kryptonite, Lena was taking her apart from the inside out but the pain was pleasure and the sensation rushing through her veins was indescribable bliss. "Lena." The word was somewhere between a moan and an expletive. Lena, biting her neck. Lena, pulling on her hair. Lena, making her heart beat faster and faster as they were molded into one person.

* * *

There was a commotion and J'onn felt a spike of anger from somewhere else in the building. He clasped his hands behind his back. "If that's all, sir," he said in a formal tone.

President Baker glared at him. "Listen here. I give you a sky-high budget, I let you dictate your own covert operations. But keeping a civilian without pressing formal charges?"

"The charge so far is suspected money laundering. We're just having some problems with cooperation," J'onn explained dryly.

"Suspected doesn't sound too confident. Sort it out. Do what you want with this Masterson guy, you've had him in your custody for almost a month now. But if the DEO becomes public knowledge I'll have your head on a stake."

The feed cut to static and J'onn took a moment to compose himself before wrenching open the door. "I'm not supposed to let you in there!" someone was saying loudly.

"Vasquez, get out of my way!" Kara's voice, angry and insistent, echoed down the hall. Hurrying down the stairs, J'onn saw Kara in a business suit, hands on her hips, towering over the shorter agent with an annoyed expression.

"Kara, what can I do for you?" He approached her with a raised eyebrow, already sensing what was coming.

Kara turned to him with a huff. "Cat Co. is running an article on Cadmus, keeping the public up to date and aware. I want to talk to _him,_ " she gestured through the window to one of the men she had brought in a few days ago, "And see if I can get any new information."

"Dressed as a civilian? It's not safe," Vasquez fired at her. "Go put on your cape or get a gun."

"Maybe he'll open up to me if he thinks I'm not Supergirl."

"Sir, I have to advise against this. It's irresponsible and potentially dangerous and I have a bad feeling about it," Vasquez said respectively.

Kara's eyes flicked between the unyielding agent and J'onn, the beginnings of a pout on her face. J'onn's mouth was a thin line and he seemed exasperated.

"Ten minutes." He pointed a finger at Vasquez. "Anything goes wrong, you're responsible. Be careful, Kara." He left, his footsteps fading down the hall.

Kara waltzed past Vasquez, ignoring the older woman's annoyed expression and entered the room. The man inside sat up as the door closed, the chains around his arms and legs rattling loudly. He was picture perfect Aryan race and Kara hid a shudder at his creepily empty eyes. "Hi," she chirped, her bright yellow sweater at odds with the mood of the room. "How's it going?"

He eyed her cheerful disposition and grimaced but didn't say anything.

"Okay," Kara blinked, sitting down. She pulled out a recorder and turned it on, flipping through a notepad. "So you're a member of Cadmus. What's your job? What do you do?"

He stared ahead stonily, not meeting her eyes.

"Cool, cool, cool. Um, so why were you arrested?"

Silence.

"How did you find out about the organization?"

She didn't get a word in response.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" Kara sat back and put her pen down. "Anything you're going to tell me? I spoke to Lena Luthor about her mother's involvement in Cadmus and—"

"Lena Luthor is a silly little girl," the man broke his silence with a hiss.

Kara straightened her spine and pushed her glasses up. "Lena Luthor is a powerful woman who could bury you in a second." Realizing she had let her anger get the better of her she flattened her hands against the table. She heard someone in the DEO say "He's downstairs with Mr. Masterson," and glanced toward the door.

"I know who you are," the man said arrogantly, pulling her attention back.

"I don't know what you mean." Kara swallowed, flipping through her scribbled on pages. "Now. Is there a reason you haven't said a word? Because from what I hear, these people are willing to keep you locked up until you die even if you never give them any information. Seems like an unfair trade."

The man glared at her. "I'm not giving up my brothers for some lenient sentence. I have loyalty."

A knock at the door made Kara's head whip around and she saw Alex standing outside the door. "You have nothing," Kara shot at him, gathering her things. "Nice meeting you." Closing the door behind her, she welcomed her sister with a hug.

"Hey, Kar."

"J'onn let you back?"

Alex nodded, a serious look on her face. "There's a problem."

Kara's eyes widened. "Is Lena okay?" Her thoughts immediately jumped to the CEO; where she'd said she was going, who she was meeting that day.

"What? No, no, Lena is fine," Alex reassured her quickly. "I'm here on official business."

"Official business?" Kara's eyebrows knitted as she pulled her purse strap up. "What does that mean?"

Her sister hesitated but the look on Kara's face didn't let her stay silent for long. "Nicholas is being brought to court as we speak. The company is pushing charges; embezzlement, grand theft, misappropriation of funds. Lena's agreed to help them but she made it pretty clear she didn't want to deal with it."

"It. What's 'it'?" They walked down the hall, their arms linked. Kara checked her watch and reminded herself that she had a lunch meeting with the editing department.

"Nicholas. The company is also going for financial reimbursement of emotional distress," Alex said carefully. "The legal team from L-Corp came to Maggie's work last night. They have questions about why J'onn's been keeping him here for so long."

"I asked him to." Alex turned a look of astonishment on her sister and Kara shrugged. "I was hoping Lena would come around to the whole arresting him thing."

"Right, well the problem is now that they've rushed into a trial, he's going to be remanded on bail. I know men like Nicholas—he'll pay the half a million dollars or however much they set bail at—and then he's out. Free as a bird, just has to show up in court when they need him." Alex willed her sister to understand. "And there's no restraining order, nothing. Which means there's nothing stopping him from going back to work."

* * *

The sun was dipping below the city skyline by the time Kara got out of her meeting. She had tapped her feet impatiently and said "yes, you're right," so many times in an attempt to speed up the meeting that Snapper had called her an "unproductive, juvenile sycophant."

"Lena!" Kara pushed open the door to the L-Corp office, half expecting to see Nicholas standing against the window, Lena looking at him, scared and bloody. The relief at the sight of her girlfriend calmly typing something at her desk made her knees go weak and she leaned a hand against the couch to stop herself from falling.

The brunette perked up, a smile breaking across her face at the sound of Kara's voice. "Hi, love. I thought you couldn't get away from the office today?" She came out from behind her desk and gave her a hug and a kiss, glad for the distraction from work. The next project she was working on needed a lot more development; surgical robots that would be controlled through the electrical impulses in the doctor's brain. It eliminated technology-related liability issues but still maintained the need for doctors, therefore widening the market without destroying more jobs. There were so many hoops and red tape involved that she had half a mind to sponsor the project herself, but the grant money coming in was still more than enough and she liked the idea of people believing in her ideas for once. It was better than her having to prove herself before they would throw their money at her or even agree with her.

"Right," Kara said, not paying attention. She was already scanning the room for a place to install a security system and imagining everything that could go wrong.

"Is everything okay? How was your meeting with the art department?" Lena said worriedly, rubbing Kara's shoulders. "You look like you're a million miles away." Her high heels brought her up to the reporter's height and she stared at her, waiting for an answer.

The words were out in the open before she could stop herself. "Nicholas is getting out." She searched Lena's expression for fear, saw her jaw clench, her pupils dilate. But nowhere in the familiar face was a single hint of surprise. "On bail," She continued, brushing away her confusion, "And Alex says the case could take a while, so I think you should go somewhere else until he's behind bars. _We_ should go somewhere else," she said pleadingly, seeing Lena's resolve harden.

"I'm not letting him run me out of my home _again._ " She set her jaw and pivoted away from Kara to look out over the city. If she didn't know any better, Kara would've called the expression on her face disdain as she looked down on the streets. But she did know better. It was well-disguised fear and anger, a mix of emotions she knew all too well because she was feeling them herself.

"What if you had a business trip, or more security? I know you've been thinking of installing a camera—"

"Having a camera so I can see him coming doesn't do much to stop him," Lena said in a calm voice.

"Then Alex can—"

"Kara, stop. You're overthinking this. He's smart enough to not come after me again and stupid enough that if he does try anything he'll go straight to prison. I've already talked to our lawyers and the captain down at the precinct."

The blonde stepped back, shaking her head. "I don't understand."

"I know he's out. And at some point, I'll have to testify to everything he did." She swallowed hard and looked back at Kara. "I'm sorry I didn't discuss it with you, because you obviously feel strongly about it."

"Of course I feel strongly about it! I could kill him, I could drop a mountain on him or—or—" Kara pushed her glasses up and sputtered.

"Please don't be angry with me."

There was a hidden desperation in Lena's voice and Kara sighed deeply, collecting herself. Lena never had trouble making decisions, dogmatic to a fault, but once they were made she constantly doubted them "I'm not angry. I think it's the right thing to do," she said, walking over to the lonely-looking woman. "My mother always told me to stand for justice and apparently you never forget what your parents tell you. I'm not angry that he's getting what he deserves." She wrapped her arms around Lena's waist and the brunette sighed, her shoulders relaxing.

"Thanks," she whispered, studying Kara's face. "I missed you today. I'm glad you came by."

Their lips met and Kara smiled into the kiss. "What are friends for?" she teased. "And I don't mean to sound angry, I just care too much to let anything happen to you."

"Hmm," Lena grumbled when she pulled away. "If you didn't have a company to run I'd hire you as my security."

"And whose fault is it that I have to run said company? Besides, Supergirl couldn't be seen as your private security, it would give everything away."

Lena pressed her body into Kara's, kissing her again. "Who said Supergirl? I said I'd hire you. Kara Danvers."

A warm fuzzy feeling went through her body when Lena said her name. All the reasons she had felt so close, so comfortable with the CEO from the moment they'd met came rushing back; Lena reminded her why she was human, that there was a reason for her secret identity. And even now, knowing that Kara was an alien, she loved her all the same. "I wouldn't say no to an impromptu vacation in Cabo, just so you know," Kara whispered, Lena's hands stroking her back distracting her.

"I'm in the middle of ground-breaking research. Go to Cabo without me." With a final kiss Lena went back to her desk, unlocking her computer. "That will be all, Ms. Danvers."

Kara gaped at her, feeling the sudden lack of heat next to her like a missing limb. "That's not fair. You know I think it's really hot when you act all high and mighty," she said, flustered.

Lena just smirked at her. Sam walked into the room behind her and Kara hastily tucked her shirt back in, giving her friend an embarrassed smile. "See you tonight," she said to Lena as she left the room, looking at her shoes.

"What did she want?" Sam asked, walking over to the desk.

"Just to tell me to be more careful," Lena said dreamily, staring at the door Kara had just walked through.

Sam snorted and tossed down a binder. "I agree," she said, putting her hair up. "I hope you thought this through because a murder trial is nothing compared to what you're about to do."

"I know." Lena rubbed her forehead as she opened the plastic cover. "Is this everything?"

Nodding, Sam sat on the edge of the desk. "I tracked down every single penny that bastard stole from your company."

" _Our_ company. What's with everyone forgetting about the jobs I gave them?" Lena looked at her friend and paused. "Sam, can I ask you something? Just a simple favor."

"Anything."

"Would you mind staying here? In the office, I mean. I know you moved to a room right down the hall when I came back to work, but I don't..."

"Want to be alone?" Sam finished for her. "Sure," she said easily. "I kinda miss the view. And look on the bright side, if I'm always here when you are, I don't have to think about you and Kara having sex all over this office."

Lena looked startled. "How did you know about that?"

"Ew! Seriously, Luthor? You're not nineteen, grow up."

Chuckling, the younger woman rolled her eyes. "I'm kidding. We haven't done anything in the office. Yet."

"Is that a threat?"

"It's a promise."

Down the hall, waiting for the elevator, Kara bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from grinning. It didn't work.

* * *

"All quiet on the western front?"

Maggie eyed her sister-in-law. "Erich Maria Remarque. Nineteen twenty-nine. What about it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"The book, _All Quiet on the Western Front._ It's about World War One. I realize now you were just asking how it's going," Maggie said with a huff.

"You're such a nerd. I never read it." Kara hurried to keep up with Maggie's rapid walk. "For a short person you walk awfully fast."

"Shut up, Danvers. What do you want?"

Kara grinned. "You're amazing. So smart and pretty, and good with a gun."

"Cut the shit."

Sighing, Kara shoved her hands in her pockets. "How close are you with the trial?"

Maggie frowned. "You know I can't talk to the press about that."

"Then don't tell the press. Tell me."

"You know I can't do that either, you're too close to this." Maggie pushed open the break room door. "Jim. Susan." She nodded to the other cops and started making coffee. "Look, I know this is tough for you but you just gotta hang in there." Her heart twinged in sympathy at Kara's downtrodden expression and she kissed the blonde on the top of her head. "I can't tell you any details, but how about I let you know if we have a breakthrough?"

"Okay." Feeling slightly better, Kara left the station. She had promised Lena she would cook dinner and needed to buy groceries; she had emptied the fridge at two in the morning, stress-eating. As she pushed the cart through the aisles, she thought she heard a whisper.

 _Kara Zor-El._

She stopped in her tracks and scanned the faces of the people standing around, her pulse pounding in her ears, but none of them were looking at her. A mom was yelling at her kids, a man was pushing his daughters in a stroller, everyone else was looking at their phones or checking a grocery list. Shaking her head, she reached for a jar of pasta sauce.

 _Kara Zor-El._

The voice sounded even closer and she jumped back, dropping the jar. Her foot shot out and she halted its fall, saving her a mess. Out of the corner of her eye she thought she saw a dark figure quickly ducking around a display of canola oil. She pushed up her glasses and surreptitiously x-rayed the store. The person she'd thought was avoiding her was just an employee in a black tee shirt and he was running towards the produce section where the lettuce was seconds from falling. Getting into line with her cart, she tried to shrug off the paranoid feeling that was creeping up her spine, breathing down the back of her neck.

When she got home she called Lena. "Hey."

"What's up? Are you home?" In the middle of unhooking electrodes from one of the volunteer doctors, Lena sandwiched the phone between her ear and her shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm cooking, remember?"

"I totally forgot, actually. I'm in the middle of something but I'll be home later, okay?"

"Oh, okay." The disappointment was clear in Kara's voice and Lena paused what she was doing.

"I'll make it up to you," she pleaded. "I just caught up in—"

"It's okay," Kara assured her, taking out the groceries with a dejected air. "Drive safe. Love you." She hung up and pursed her lips at the arrangement of food on her counter. _Now what?_ She started to put them away in their separate cupboards and as she opened the pasta cabinet something gleamed at her from the dark. _What's this?_ Standing on her tiptoes and reaching to the back of the cabinet, she pulled out a bottle of Aldebaran rum. The stress of the last week was getting to her and she uncorked it, wrinkling her nose at the smell. _Maybe just one glass._

When Lena got home around nine that night, Kara was still on her first glass and the whole apartment smelled like dough. "Kara?" She called out, taking her shoes off. "I'm home."

"Hey baby!" Kara popped up from the oven where she was checking on her fifth batch of cookies.

Lena draped her coat on the back of a chair and untucked her shirt, her eyebrows raising. "What's this?" Kara looked adorable, flour all over her apron and frosting on her cheek. As she got closer she saw that the kitchen looked like a war zone. Measuring cups and whisks and bowls were everywhere, all of them caked in dried batter or half-made recipes.

"I'm baking," Kara said as thought it was obvious.

"I can see that." She kissed her and made a face. "You taste funny."

"Probably the rum." She reached around Lena and took another sip. "It's for aliens," she said with a wise look on her face. She was barely tipsy and mostly exhausted, and Lena could see it.

"Alright." Lena took the glass from her and poured the remnants back into the practically full bottle. "That's enough. Let's have dinner."

"I already had dinner, I ate the first two batches of cookies. And half that cake." Kara pointed to a semi-burned pound cake with uneven dollops of blue frosting on top.

Lena whistled. "Wow, you are _not_ a baker." She wiped the frosting off her check and licked her fingers. "I'll cook something. Sit down." Kara plopped down in a chair and watched appreciatively as Lena rolled up her sleeves and pulled ingredients out of the cabinets. "I'm not doing the dishes," she said over her shoulder.

"I'll get them tomorrow," Kara waved a hand. Lena had barely put a pot of water on to boil when Kara was on her feet, wrapping her arms around her waist. "How was work?" she said into Lena's shoulder.

"Long. Did you get the article?"

Kara frowned. "No. The guy didn't tell me anything."

"He must've told you something." The pasta hit the water and she covered the boiling pot. "Maybe you should try again."

"He said he wasn't going to give up his brothers because he has _'loyalty'_ so I think it's the same old crazy nonsense as always. It's not really worth my time, I'll have to find another lead," Kara said with annoyance. "And I think I'm going crazy myself."

Lena looked at her, concerned. "What are you talking about?"

"I thought I heard someone saying my name today in the grocery store. Whispering it. But there was no one there."

The sauce started to boil over and Lena turned the fire down. "Maybe they were just trying to get your attention?"

"By saying my name? My real name, not—not Danvers," Kara said haltingly.

"Danvers _is_ your real name. That is a little strange though, are you feeling okay? I know you haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately, watching me all night, flying around because you miss home."

Kara made a guilty face. "I want to make sure you're safe," she defended herself.

"I'm fine, Kara. And even you need sleep, so stop staying up so late," Lena chided her. The timer went off and she strained the pasta, turned the fire off on the sauce. "Set the table, come on."

With a crafty grin, Kara grabbed the hot saucepan with her bare hands. "It's easier if you eat out of the pot."

"Kara, what are you—oh, Jesus," Lena laughed when the sauce splattered into the pasta pot.

Stirring it like a cement mixer, Kara scooped up some spaghetti and held it up to Lena's mouth. "I've decided it's date night," she announced as Lena chewed, perking up once the hot food got to her mouth.

"Why?" Lena said through a mouthful of pasta.

They both chewed for a minute then Kara swallowed. "I think you've been really great about opening up to me, showing me the parts of who you are that no one else has seen. But now I want to show you something."

"Okaayyy." Lena drew out the word with apprehension. "Will this take long, because that British baking show you love is on our DVR and that was going to be my evening."

"Nope. Change of plans. You've really embraced me wholeheartedly, so I want to show you the perks of dating an alien. We're going ice skating," Kara grinned.

Lena's perfect brows twitched. "Darling, it's late. There's not a single ice rink open at this hour."

Kara giggled, feeding her more pasta. "I know. Hurry up and finish eating."

When everything was eaten, they got in the car. "Head for the harbor," Kara said, looking at her phone.

"This is so cloak and dagger. Why can't we go ice skating during the day?"

"Pull over here for a second." Lena obliged and Kara opened the door, a gust of wind coming in as she disappeared into the night. Well used to Kara's super speed, Lena tapped her fingers against the steering wheel until Kara came back, two pairs of ice skates in her hands.

"Where did you get those? You didn't steal them, did you?"

"It's not stealing if you put them back. There's a new athletic store by Noonan's, I saw it this morning." Kara shrugged. "Now, onto the harbor!"

They got out of the car and Lena pulled her jacket tighter around her. She had an inkling of what was going on but Kara seemed so excited and she wanted to see her in action, so she kept her mouth shut. The blonde's eyes twinkled in the moonlight as she guided Lena to a bench, waiting for her to lace up her skates.

"Ready?" Kara said eagerly.

Lena squinted out at the choppy water. "I think so?"

Kara hopped over the railing and Lena couldn't follow her. A second later she saw her rising through the air, blowing ice into the waves. In no time at all half the harbor was frozen and Lena clapped her hands together in amazement. "Come on!" Kara swooped down and grabbed her, setting her down on the thick ice that was moments ago National City's fast-running harbor.

"I haven't skated in a while," Lena warned her, holding out her arms for balance.

"I'll catch you before you fall," Kara winked at her, already zooming across the ice.

Trying to remember her figure skating lessons from grade school, Lena pushed off with one foot. The ice grated under her skates and she fell into the old, familiar pattern of gliding and pushing. The wind that bit at her ears was overshadowed by the balloon of exhilaration in her chest. "This is amazing!" Her voice was torn away by the wind by Kara heard her and slid past her, grinning from ear to ear. "What if we get caught?"

Kara rolled her eyes. "You own half the city and I'm Supergirl. What is anyone gonna do?"

"Fair point." Concentrating on her feet, Lena sped up and swung around so she was going backwards. Kara's eyes widened and she poured on the speed, catching up with her.

"I didn't know you could skate!"

"Thank my mother," Lena smirked. "She made me do figure skating, golf and horseback riding, to name a few hobbies." She caught sight of Kara's expression and frowned. "What?"

"Those are all super preppy sports."

"Well, I do own half the city," Lena said knowingly. The laugh her comment elicited from her girlfriend echoed across the water and she held out her hands. "Valentine's day is next week," she said, hoping Kara didn't hear her heart skip a beat.

"That's what I've heard." Kara wound their fingers together and they slowed down enough to kiss, a clumsy, messy kiss that made both women feel like teenagers on a first date. "Was there something else with that or are you just telling me about the calendar?"

"Just...keep it in mind," Lena said, a mischievous look in her eye. She kissed the blonde again, using Kara's body heat to warm up her hands. Kara shivered but not from the cold, mumbling against her lips.

"I love you."

"I love you too." They pulled back and Lena turned to face where they had parked, a faraway car underneath a tiny looking street lamp. With a wink at Kara, she pushed off. "Race you to the end!" She yelled behind her, propelling herself forward.

"Cheater!" Kara yelled after her, trying to catch up. The sound of the ice grinding under their skates mixed with their laughter and bounced along the harbor walls.


	44. 44) So Much for Moving On (V-Day)

sorry this update is shorter than some other chapters

* * *

"I thought you hated Valentine's day," Alex joked. Since it fell on a Monday this year, everyone was celebrating the Sunday before. Maggie had let her sleep in and made breakfast for the two of them, and there was a bouquet of roses on her nightstand.

"I do," Maggie said softly, kissing her shoulder. "People in love? It's super gross. And it's stupid that you have to love someone more because of the date."

Alex rolled over and stretched, nearly hitting Gertrude who was snoring on her pillow. Her camisole rode up and Maggie's eyes fastened on her skin. "Whatever you say, Mrs. Danvers. Are you ready for the big day?"

"The day dedicated to sex and chocolate and flowers? Of course I am." A phone buzzed and Maggie reached over Alex's body to answer it.

"Go for Danvers," she winked at her wife.

"Maggie, there's a problem."

The serious voice on the end of the line made her heart pound. "What's going on, Tim?" Alex shot her a glance at the man's name but she didn't stop scratching behind Gertrude's ears. The puppy's eyes were still closed but her tail went into overdrive.

"Nicholas Masterson? He didn't show up for court today and no one knows where he is."

Maggie sat up straight. "Have you started looking for him?"

"His phone's off the grid but I already have two teams trying to track him down. You don't need to ruin your holiday for this, I'll keep you posted, but maybe stick a little closer to Lena Luthor than you normally would. "

"She's safe," Maggie assured him, thinking of Kara. "But I'll pass on the message. Thanks." She hung up, biting her lip out of stress.

"What's going on?" Alex asked anxiously. "Who's safe?"

Maggie kissed her cheek, fishing for her keys. "I'm going to run down to the station real quick, don't worry."

Alex frowned. "But it's Valentine's day."

Shoving her feet into her boots and grabbing a jacket, Maggie smiled apologetically. "I know, babe. I'll make it up to you."

"You still haven't told me what's going on." Alex sat up and Gertrude climbed onto her lap, wondering why she'd stopped petting.

"Don't freak out, okay?" When Alex nodded, she sighed. "Nicholas didn't show up to court today and he's gone off the grid."

Alex didn't even process the second half of the sentence. "What court is open on Sunday?"

"It was a special hearing—it doesn't matter, Alex. What matters is he's out there somewhere and no one knows how to find him so I'm going to go help. Hopefully we'll find him shooting pigeons in the park or something."

"I'm calling Kara," Alex said immediately. "I have to tell her."

"Good idea," Maggie agreed.

"And J'onn."

"Hold off on that one," Maggie warned. "I'm totally against maniacs running loose but maybe see if the cops can track him down first, we don't need to blow this out of proportion. If you get called in too, the dog sitter's number is on the fridge." She hurried out the door and Alex stared at the ceiling with Gertrude licking her fingers. The lab whimpered and nuzzled Alex's unresponsive hand.

"I know, baby girl. But your mom is a hero. She's off to save the world again." Alex stared into the puppy's blue eyes and they reminded her of Kara. A moment later she was on speed dial and waiting for her sister to answer the phone.

"Alex?" She had clearly just woken up, the same sleepy undertones in her voice as when they were in high school and Alex had to get them up at the crack of dawn.

"Kara. Pay attention to me for a second."

"Whas goin' on?"

"Nicholas didn't show up to court today and no one is sure where he is," Alex said slowly. "Maggie's already gone down to the station but hopefully they'll find him soon." Silence yawned back at her and she rubbed her dog's head nervously. "Kara?"

"Don't tell Lena." _Click._

Alex stared at the phone in her hand and her heart thudded in her chest. _What does that mean?_ "I guess it's just you and me for now," she sighed, walking to the kitchen with Gertrude at her heels. The breakfast Maggie had made was still warm, a cheesy omelet and bacon with a card next to it that said "Bee mine," a picture of a smiling bumble bee on it. " _Proof that you've changed me for the better,_ " the inside read in Maggie's endearing scrawl. Smiling to herself, Alex sat down, the worry nagging at the back of her mind. _Maggie can handle it. Maggie can handle anything._

* * *

Kara stared at the bathroom door, seeing Lena in the shower. _Calm down, everything will be fine._

"Darling?"

"Yeah?" She snapped out of her reverie.

"Come join me."

 _Don't leave her alone anywhere._ "I'll be right there." She piled her pajamas on the bed and opened the door to a wall of steam. It swirled around her making her hair curl and as it cleared she saw Lena's smile through the glass shower door.

"Happy Valentine's day." She seemed more at home in her own house than ever before, and now Kara was grateful she'd agreed to stay at Lena's last night. It was farther away from the city and Nicholas, to her knowledge, didn't know where it was. "Kara? You look a little distracted." Lena touched her chin and she blinked. Water splashed off Lena's shoulder and Kara followed its path all the way down her body, her mouth slightly open. Her eyes fastened on her girlfriend's legs and Lena smiled. "You're adorable." She pulled Kara under the hot shower, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed her.

Kara responded eagerly, her hands running down Lena's sides. "I love you," she said as the water soaked her hair. "You know that, right?"

"Less talking." Lena bit down on her ear and she shivered under the hot water. Pleased by the response, Lena did it again, lighter, her teeth grazing Kara's skin.

A throaty hum worked its way up and Kara closed her eyes as Lena kissed her neck.

"Catch."

Kara's eyes flew open just in time to see Lena's naughty smirk before she jumped up. She reacted, supporting her weight as Lena wrapped her legs around her torso. Lena's head was a foot away from the shower head and all the water dripped through her hair and down her body before falling onto Kara. She had the new sensation of tilting her head back to kiss her and enjoyed it, Lena's dark hair falling down over her face and blocking out the water. They stayed there in their private, steamy world until the brunette kissed her nose. "I'll give you a break," she said, hopping down.

Kara made a face. "I was fine. Muscles of steel, remember?"

Lena rolled her eyes. "I get it, you're strong." She opened the shower and stepped out onto the bath mat. "Finish your shower and meet me in the kitchen, I have a surprise for you." She started drying herself off but paused when she felt water on the backs of her legs. She turned around to see Kara shamelessly watching her toweling off, the shower splashing her in the face.

Intentionally swaying her hips more than necessary, she walked up the where the shower met the tiled floor and looked up at Kara through heavily-lidded eyes. The blonde leaned forward subconsciously, her lips parting, but Lena just winked and sashayed away.

Blinking the water out of her eyes, she came back to her senses and washed her hair, wondering what Lena could have done before she woke up. Wrapping herself in a bathrobe she put her hair in a messy bun and went to join her girlfriend. Checking her phone on the way there, she texted Maggie. Maggie would know what was going on with Nicholas, Maggie was already working on it.

 _Any info on NM?_

"Ready for your surprise?" Lena called, hearing her footsteps near the kitchen.

"Yup," Kara answered, guiltily slipping the phone into her bathrobe pocket. She rounded the corner and stopped short. "Oh no."

"What's wrong?"

"I know that face. That's your 'I bought Kara something' face."

Lena pouted, one hand behind her back. "I do not have an 'I bought Kara something' face," she said defensively.

"It's the face you wore around Cat Co. your first two weeks. It's the face you had when you sent someone to my apartment to rip out my oven and install a new one. It's the same face that you had when I said I was thinking of getting a new pair of sneakers and five different pairs showed up at my door." Her glasses were on but she squinted at Lena like she could see what she was hiding. "What's behind your back?"

"Promise you won't be mad?" When Kara nodded, she held out a tiny, gift-wrapped box. "Here you go!"

Kara took the box from her and undid the ribbon, but hesitated before opening the box. "Is it a hamster, cause those things can suffocate. I learned the hard way." She shuddered.

"No, it's not a rodent," Lena assured her. "Are you telling me you killed a hamster once? And you're the one that always begs me for a dog whenever we see one on the street."

"I wasn't a smart kid!" Kara said defensively. "And it's more like I forgot boxes don't have good ventilation. Rest in peace, Hammy."

"You named it Hammy? Just open the box, you're ridiculous." She watched with barely contained glee as Kara took the lid off and peered inside.

Kara's jaw dropped. "No way." She lifted the key out of the box. "Is this a joke?"

"No, it's all yours! Come see it!" Lena's excitement bubbled over and she dragged Kara by the arm to her garage.

The door opened and the sight of three shiny cars greeted them. Next to Lena's Mercedes were two brand new cars and Kara felt her chest get a little tight. Sometimes she forgot how genuinely rich her girlfriend was; she wore designer clothes and ate at nice places but she didn't go out of her way to spend money. But once in a blue moon it hit her that spending a hundred fifty thousand dollars on a car to Lena was like a regular person buying groceries, if that. In the next instant the thought was gone from her head like a melting snowflake and she was walking around the cars. "It's so smooth," she marveled as Lena handed her the key fob. "I thought the new Teslas were back ordered."

Lena smiled. "They were."

"I guess I'm wondering why there are two. Did you just want to collect them or...?" Kara raised her eyebrows.

"Okay, before you get all huffy let me explain."

"I'm not huffy!"

"I got a blue one and a black one because I wanted to see which color you liked more," Lena started.

"And?" Lena stared at the ground, a guilty look on her face. "And?!"

"And so the one you don't want," Lena said slowly.

"Spit it out, Lena," Kara sighed, resigning herself to whatever whim the CEO had decided to buy two cars on.

The brunette hugged Kara to her chest and kissed her cheek. "I was thinking the one you don't want could be a late wedding present for your sister," she said quickly, her lips moving against Kara's skin.

"Are you insane?" Kara sputtered.

Lena stepped back, a hurt look on her face. "I know, I know it's too much. I just figured Maggie's super eco-friendly and I—I'm always bad with gift ideas and I didn't think of it in time for the wedding—and I know it's a little weird, and people say it puts them in an awkward position, but I really just wanted them to have it and it's not like they couldn't afford it, I mean, I don't know their financial situation—I just thought I could give it to them cause they'd appreciate—"

Kara put her finger over Lena's mouth and lost herself in the green-blue of her eyes. "You're rambling," she said with a smile. "Picking up on my bad habits?" Lena nodded, a hopeful look in her eyes. Kara ran her hand down Lena's jawline and read her expression. "You really want to give it to them, don't you?" Lena nodded again and Kara took a deep breath. "Fine. You're right, they'll love it."

The happy noise Lena let out could've been from giving away a car or the kiss that Kara planted on her. "Can we give it to them now?"

 _Maggie's already gone down to the station. Hopefully they'll find him soon._ "Uh, maybe not today. It's Valentine's day, baby. Let's stay home and watch movies and make out. And I invited Sam over for dinner."

"Sam?" Lena said guiltily. She had completely forgotten that her friend didn't have plans but as Kara said her name she remembered Sam cracking a joke at the office, something about being a single parent who had her kid as a teenager driving people away. "I'm glad. I forgot to ask her what she was doing," she admitted.

"That's okay. I protected your reputation and said you really wanted her here. It was the only way to get her to come." Kara breathed a sigh of relief when Lena left off going to Alex's. "I'll text her right now and ask her to get pot stickers," she said, pulling her phone out. Her heart jumped into her throat when she saw Maggie had texted her.

 _Have him on camera robbing a hardware store headed away from downtown. Still haven't tracked him down. Keep your eyes peeled._

"Shit," she muttered. She caught up with Lena, still trying to decide whether or not to say anything.

"What's that look for? You didn't change your mind about the car, did you?" Lena was taking out milk and eggs from the fridge and had her cookbook laying on the counter.

"Just hungry," Kara lied. "What're you making?" She knew she was digging herself deeper into a hole but she also knew if he came anywhere near Lena she would snap his spine in half.

"Pancakes. The recipe says it makes twenty-four, is that enough?"

"It's enough if you aren't having any," Kara said seriously.

Lena sighed with envy and got out two more eggs. "I hate your metabolism sometimes."

"But you love me," Kara pointed out, "Metabolism and all."

"I do. Come help me with the whisking, I don't feel like doing anything physical."

Kara joined her on the other side of the counter. "What about sex?" she breathed into the waves of dark hair. "That's physical."

"Not if I make you do all the work," Lena said slyly, resting her hand on the small of Kara's back.

"You don't have to make me do anything."

* * *

Kara opened the door right before Sam knocked. The older woman shook her head at her own surprise. "I always forget Lena has that camera." She gave Kara a hug. "Thanks for this. I get kinda lonely when Ruby's away."

"Don't worry about it, we're glad to have you. Lena's in the kitchen," she said, ushering Sam inside.

Sam shot her a look of horror. "She's not cooking, is she?"

"I heard that!" Lena yelled and the two of them laughed.

"Lena, the only thing you know how to cook is crystal meth," Sam quipped. "Wow. It's a mess in here."

She wasn't kidding. They had never made the pancakes that morning and when they had reemerged from the bedroom, Lena had started a food fight. She sprinkled Kara with flour and the blonde returned the favor with brown sugar. What ensued was a scene straight out of a rom-com; baking ingredients and cheesy insults flew through the air and they ended up back in the shower.

"Pot stickers, as promised." Sam put down a massive brown bag and draped her coat over a bar stool, rolled her sleeves up, and started to clean.

"I didn't even see those!" Kara ripped into the bag and stuffed two in her mouth, moaning with happiness. "You're the light of my life, Sam Arias."

Lena gave her arm a playful slap. "You didn't notice a hundred pot stickers? I knew there was something off about you today." She turned around and rifled through her cabinet for a bottle of wine.

"There's nothing wrong," Kara said guiltily around a mouthful of food. Maggie said they still hadn't found Nicholas and Alex had texted her saying she was joining the manhunt. Knowing Alex, her sister sounded glad to have something to work on since J'onn had banned her from the case after her outburst.

Uncorking the bottle, Lena poured two full glasses. "I'm kidding." She pushed a glass towards Sam and the red liquid sloshed up the sides of the glass, mimicking blood in the low light.

Kara shifted uneasily in her seat. _Maybe if I help them look, we'll find him faster. Sam's here, she wouldn't be alone._ "I gotta make a quick call." She excused herself and headed for the bedroom, her friends' chatting muffled by the walls. "Alex."

"Hey. No luck yet. I know you're stressed but try to relax. We'll get him."

Twirling a strand of hair around her finger, Kara paced the room. "What if he's coming here?"

"Then he definitely won't get past you," Alex snorted. "Just don't kill him."

"I considered it," Kara said in a serious tone. "I just don't want her to see him here. It's already bad enough she'll have to face him in court soon, but this? She feels safe here now and if he shows up she'll—I don't know, sell the place, or torch it, and I don't want her to have to go through that."

"Didn't dad try to kill her in that house?"

"This is different." Kara took her glasses off and rubbed at her eyes. Anxiety was making her shoulders tense and she sighed. "Just—if you don't find anything soon, I'm coming to help. You should be with Maggie."

"I'm fine. And do you really want to leave her on her own?"

"Sam's here. I trust her." Kara hung up on her sister mid-sentence and stared at herself in the mirror. _They'll find him._

"Kara, are you coming or do I have to profess my love for Lena right here, right now?" Sam called out.

As Kara walked back to the kitchen, she heard them laughing. _Keep her safe._

"There you are." Lena flashed her a winning smile and waved her over. "What was that about?"

"I was talking to Alex," Kara said truthfully, stealing a sip of her girlfriend's wine. "Trying to convince her not to work today." She didn't meet Lena's curious gaze, afraid she would read her expression, and the brunette narrowed her eyes.

Sam slapped the still-cluttered but somewhat cleaner counter. "I was promised food if I dragged myself all the way here to third wheel you two."

Glad to have something to do, Kara opened the fridge. "I can make you spaghetti with a white wine clam sauce. There's not much else in the house."

"Wine on top of wine?" Sam cheered. "I'm in."

Kara got started on the cooking, chopping up some vegetables to go along with dinner. She tuned out the conversation, keeping her senses on high alert. A couple cars passes by and an elderly couple chatted while walking their dog, but nothing out of the ordinary happened.

"It's up to Kara."

"Huh?" Kara glanced up and hit her finger with the knife, which bounced off.

Lena rolled her eyes. "You never listen to me. I asked if I could give you something but clearly your head is in the clouds. What's gotten into you today?"

"Nothing, nothing," Kara said dismissively. "And you don't have to get me anything else, the car is plenty." The water boiled over and she started on the pasta.

Sam snorted into her second glass of wine. "She tried to get me a car once. I stopped her."

"How?" Kara latched onto the change of subject, feeling Lena's eyes on her.

Sam waggled her eyebrows. "Trade secret."

Lena pointed at Sam with her glass. "You don't know what I sent Ruby last week."

"Christ's sake, woman," Sam groaned. "You and your sneaky, Luthor ways. Tell me it wasn't a car, cause she can't drive."

"It was the new PS4. She made honor roll, I figured she deserved it." Lena shrugged and put her hand on Kara's shoulder. "Anyways, do you want the second gift? I wasn't going to give it to you but I'm tipsy enough that if you ask for it I'll say yes."

"Um, sure?" Kara was watching the pasta boil and getting annoyed with how long it was taking. Slipping her glasses down her nose, she used her heat vision for thirty seconds and Sam laughed.

"You have to ask," Lena insisted as she strained the pasta.

"Okay, can I have this mystery present?" Kara asked, genuinely curious.

Lena eyed her like she was a show pony, long enough that Kara stared looking around and Sam cleared her throat.

"If you two are gonna bang right now, I'm out."

"It's over here," Lena relented, going over to the lounge area and procuring an envelop. She held it out and Kara took it with a timid hand, not sure what to expect. Her phone buzzed as she slit it open and she ignored it, knowing Lena would ask her what it was if she stopped to answer it. Sam watched on, sipping her wine, as Kara slid the card out.

It was a simple design, just a red heart pattern along the border, but she could tell from the weight that it was nice paper and it smelled of Lena's perfume. Clearly, a lot of thought had gone into the idea and with another glace at her girlfriend, she opened the card.

Slow from lack of practice, her brain took a moment to process what she was looking at. When it kicked in, she covered her mouth, the card shaking in her hand. "Oh, Rao," she whispered. In Lena's bold handwriting were the words "I love you more than anything in the world," with the last three words crossed out.

It was written in Kryptonese.

"It's silly," Lena waved a hand, "i know it's probably wrong and and—"

"It's...it's..." Kara trailed off. Lena finding out she was Supergirl had gone over well but it wasn't until right now, staring at her alien language in Lena's handwriting that the magnitude of her two worlds colliding hit her. She had drawn a big, Supergirl-shaped target on Lena's back and it was too late to take it back. What if people got wind of the fact that Lena Luthor knew Kryptonese? What if people pieced together that she was Supergirl and came after them? "How did you learn this?"

"I tried the internet but when nothing came up I went to the best resource for all things Kryptonian. I asked your mother."

"My mom?" Kara swallowed past the growing lump in her throat. "When did you have time? When—oh," she answered her own question. "Lillian. You visited her."

"It's quite nice talking to my mother with no feelings on her part," Lena admitted. "Seems like I missed out on a lot. And your mother just happened to be in the room."

"I need...just give me a minute." Kara went out to the foyer, the card still in her hand. _What if someone kills Lena because of me?_

" _That's ridiculous,"_ Cat Grant's voice snapped at her. _"She's a Luthor, someone will try to kill her regardless."_

 _She may be a Luthor but now she's dating an alien. If people found out that an alien was in charge of a major media news source? There would be mobbing in the streets!_

The idea of Lena talking to her mother, learning her language...it moved something deep inside her that she wasn't sure she was ready to have moved. She needed to clear her head, she needed to fly.

"Kara, is everything okay? I didn't mean to upset you." Lena was standing in the hallway, confusion and guilt plain in her eyes.

"You didn't," Kara said quickly, "I just realized—just give me a minute," she said again. Her free hand reached behind her and opened the front door and she was stumbling across the concrete. Visions of Winn's cold, pale body lying under a sheet flashed before her. What if Lena ended up like that because of her? She wouldn't live through it, she had barely lived through Winn's death. Even just the thought of Lena dying made her heart contract painfully and sent a wave of denial and anguish through her brain.

She hurried blindly down the road and a shadow appeared out of nowhere. She bumped into a hard shoulder and glanced up. "Sor—" Any emotion besides anger disappeared.

The man staring back at her was Nicholas Masterson. "Hi, Kara." His face gave nothing away.

"You." The single word dripped venom and her chin went up. "I'm glad I ran into you," she said bitingly, "Because that gives me a chance to break your neck before Lena sees you. You'll die alone and I'll dump your body in the river," she seethed, all thoughts of the card gone.

His reaction wasn't what she was expecting. He grinned from ear to ear and held his hands up. "Who said I was alone?"

"What?"

Something whistled through the air and buried itself in the back of her neck. An unmistakable burn started in her bones and she sunk to her knees.

 _Kryptonite._

It wasn't just kryptonite flooding her system. Nicholas caught her as she fell, still smiling. "I won't let you...touch her," Kara got out, her eyelids getting heavy.

"I'm not here for her. I'm here for you, Supergirl."


	45. 45) The Damage is Done

Two men scurried through the sewers of National City. They were toting backpacks with enough C4 to blow up a city block, which was exactly their intention.

"What's your status?" A radio on one of their belts went off.

The man fumbled for it, hitting the buttons with a sweaty hand. "Halfway through. Where are you?"

"Bringing in the girl. We're cleaning up here. Meet back at the base before ten."

"Copy. This city isn't going to know what hit it."

* * *

Kara opened her eyes groggily. Her surroundings slowly came into focus and she remembered Nicholas' eyes boring into her. She was staring at the ceiling of an unfamiliar room, cold metal underneath her. She tried to sit up and get her bearings but there were chains holding her down. Panic started in her chest when she tugged on them and they didn't budge. The first word that came to mind fell from her lips. "Lena."

"Kara. Glad you could join us." Nicholas leaned over her and shined a light in her eyes. "Or do you prefer Supergirl?"

"What are you talking about?" She tried to keep her voice even. She saw with satisfaction there were bruises on his face, no doubt from her sister.

Nicholas shook his head. "There's no use pretending. Not when I have kryptonite on my side." Next to her was a small, dark box that she recognized as lead. He opened the lock and her skin started to crawl as the air hissed out. "You see, a normal person wouldn't mind if something touched their skin. Don't bother trying to get away," he added. "This room, this entire facility is fueled by a system that mimics the effects of a red sun. Moving on." he reached inside and took out a folding knife. Its handle had emerald-colored inlays and when the blade sprung open it gave off a green light.

Kara closed her eyes against the discomfort. She could handle this; at least Lena was safe, Lena was with Sam—but how much time had passed? Lena must be wondering where she went, if it was the next day. "There will be people looking for me," she said in an attempt to get him to stop.

"Oh, I'm counting on it." A malicious smile split across his face and he pressed down with the flat of the blade.

Her jaw clenched and the tendons in her neck stood out. A muffled groan escaped her lips as he dragged the point of the blade across her collarbone, drawing blood. She could feel the green element in the air, under her skin, and his smile widened.

"I wanted to be a doctor for a while. Always wondered about how the body works. Maybe after I cut your heart out you can watch it beat before you die."

Kara had faced down countless criminals. She had saved her sister and a ship full of aliens from being sent across the galaxy. She had watched the people she loved being threatened at the hands of an evil mastermind. But genuine fear shot through her, cutting her voice off. Maybe it was because she couldn't move, maybe it was because something in his expression said he would really do it. Clearly, Nicholas was more than just an evil man bent on revenge.

"Looks like you've finally caught on. You should've guessed that no one falls in love with Lena Luthor by accident."

 _I did,_ Kara thought but she couldn't unclench her jaw. The pain from the kryptonite was getting stronger, throbbing by her neck and echoing through the rest of her body.

"Lillian Luthor reached out to me long before her daughter knew what she was up to. She gave me my start after college. I guess she saw something in me."

He folded the knife, sticking it in his pocket, and Kara gasped in relief. "You're with them," she spat, her shoulders rising off the table. "You're working with Cadmus."

"Working with them?" His eyes widened innocently and he put a hand to his chest. "I think you misunderstand. I _am_ Cadmus. Who do you think has been calling the shots since you murdered Lillian Luthor?" He reached behind him and uncoiled some jumper cables, clipping them to the chains and the table top. "When it became apparent that Lena wasn't joining us and you and your sister pulled that little stunt with Jeremiah, I stepped in. I had this amazing plan ready to go but a little too much of it rode on Lena's cooperation. I never would have let her leave the night before Christmas if I knew she'd go to _you_ ," he snarled. "I thought I beat that out of her."

Kara tugged on the restraints to no avail. "What's your plan? Keep me here until she goes over to your side? She'll never give you what you want."

"Oh, this is just for me. You ruined my plan, so I'm sending you back to your friends a dying mess of an alien." He forced a rubber bit into her mouth and she glared at him. "I do care if you die too quickly, though. Be a dear and don't bite your tongue off, hmm?" He fished a vial of kryptonite out of his pocket and uncorked it. "This might sting a little," he joked, pouring a few drops onto her exposed neck.

It burned her instantly but she shut her eyes, not making a sound. Not even breathing while her blood moved sluggishly and her brain stalled.

"Tough one, huh? You aren't invulnerable, you aren't strong. You're nothing." His hand moved below the table and her stomach clenched in anticipation. The sound of a switch flipping was like a gunshot and a second later electric current jolted through the cables, rushing through the chains and the table.

Her eyes snapped open and she screamed. Her back arched up as all her muscles seized and her body whipped back and her head slammed against the table. He watched her convulse for a long minute, pleasure on his face, before switching it off. Her muscles twitched as her chest heaved, her head spinning with pain.

"Smarts, doesn't it?" He ripped the rubber bit out of her mouth and strapped a plastic oxygen mask over her face but the gasping breaths she managed burned her lungs from the inside out. "Oh, this isn't oxygen," he said absentmindedly. "It's a mix of carbon dioxide and kryptonite. Not only will you be starved for air but it'll rip through your insides like poison."

She started to choke, blood bubbling up from her lungs and filling the mask. He undid the chains, taking his time, and when they were in a pile on the floor she slid off the table, falling heavily onto her hands and knees. Her brain felt scrambled and her arms shook as she pulled the plastic off her face and puked.

 _I'm dying. I'm dying._

Every cell in her body was in pure agony, every nerve was screaming in protest.

 _I'm dying._

Her skin was shot through with green and she fell flat on the ground, twitching.

"This is just the beginning." He left her a quivering mess on the floor and walked to the corner of the room.

Through the fog of pain she saw him setting up a chair and an IV bag and she willed her body to respond, crawling a few feet to towards the door. He saw her out of the corner of his eye and the heel of his boot slammed down on her back. She hit the ground, hard, but all she could muster was a grunt of pain. Her eyes closed and she threw up again, too tired to lift her head. When she was done heaving, he dragged her up and tied her to the chair.

 _Lena._ She was barely conscious. Her head hung down and every breath hurt but she clung to the thought of her girlfriend. She had never been in so much pain, it blotted out almost everything else. _Lena._ She didn't even feel the needle go into her skin until her arm started burning, matching the fire in her lungs.

"Liquid kryptonite. Cadmus scientist have some of the best minds in the world," Nicholas smirked. "You can experience the whole buffet while you're here."

As it pulsed through her system she screamed, her head snapping back. She tried to pull her arms up but her muscles wouldn't work. Her vision was blurring into lights and shapes. Maybe she really would die here. Her eyes closed and her head fell to her chest as she let out a groan, not having the energy for anything else. The ragged breaths that were coming from her throat sounded like dying rattles and Nicholas slapped her, snapping her head to the side.

"None of that. You have to power through. I want Lena to see you die in her arms. I want to hurt both of you. I want you to _pay._ " He took out his phone and started filming, the flash on. "We have hours to go. Let's see how long you hold out."

The bright light on her face made her nauseous and her stomach twisted in on itself. She choked again, puked for a third time and in her agonized state saw a haze of red; it was blood that was coming up with the contents of her stomach. He was saying something but she couldn't recognize words anymore and it was with relief that she gave into the blackness swirling around the edges of her vision.

* * *

"Has anyone heard from Supergirl?" J'onn walked through the command center with his hands on his hips.

"Not yet, sir. I can have agent Danvers give her a call?"

"Thank you, Martin, but I'll call directly." Frowning, he pulled out his phone and dialed Alex.

"J'onn?"

"Alex. I know you're out on a mission, but you haven't seen your sister, have you?"

"No. Why?" She nodded at the other agent to finish bagging the evidence and stepped to the side. Two bodies with suspicious markings had turned up and it looked like an alien attack. Unbeknownst to her, it was a setup; the bodies were the two men who had planted explosives underneath the city.

Watching the map for any sign of disturbance, J'onn's frown deepened. "I was hoping she was with you. She hasn't show up here yet."

"I do know she and Lena got into an argument or something yesterday, Sam said. Maybe she needed to take a break. I'll stop by her apartment as soon as I'm finished up here."

"Alright. Keep me updated." He hung up and his gaze fell no Winn's old desk, a new trainee sitting in his chair. Sadness hit him like a wave and he turned away. He hadn't thought about the awkward, funny IT tech in a while with everything going on, and guilt ate at him as he was reminded of all the agents he'd lost over the years.

* * *

Lena sighed, scraping the burned pancake off her skillet. She shoved it into the trash with a groan and poured more batter onto the hot pan.

Sam watched her ruin a third pancake and wrapped her hands around a mug of tea. "Kara still hasn't called?"

"No." Lena slammed the pan down with more force than necessary and it grated against the stove top. "She left all her stuff here, how could she call me?" As if on cue, her phone rang. Forgetting the breakfast, Lena wiped her hands off and seized the phone, answering it without looking. "Kara?"

"No, it's Alex. You haven't seen her either?" The older Danvers' tone sounded a little annoyed. "What did you do that she's hiding from everyone?"

"I didn't do anything!" Lena said defensively. "Not really."

"What did you 'not really' do?"

"It's not important. I'm just waiting for her to come pick up her things."

"I know she wouldn't leave you alone. Is there someone with you?" Alex asked, concern coloring her voice.

Lena glanced over at her friend. "Sam's here," she shrugged. "Why wouldn't she leave me on my own?"

"Because Nicholas is out on bail and I think..." Alex cleared her throat.

"You think what?" Lena sat down next to Sam and her friend wrapped an arm around her shoulders at her serious expression.

"He went off the grid, he didn't show up to court. I think Kara might've gotten to him and I'm afraid she's going to do something stupid."

Lena froze. "What?" she breathed. "What do I do?" she asked no one in particular.

"Can you check Kara's phone for me?" When she didn't answer, Alex called her name a couple times. "Lena? Lena, are you still there?"

"Yes," Lena said faintly. She handed Sam the phone and rummaged through Kara's purse with numb fingers. Her brain shut down and she upended the bag, Sam's conversation in the background suddenly unimportant. A recorder fell out and hit the ground and started to play.

" _I know who you are."_

" _I don't know what you mean. Now, is there a reason you haven't said a word? Because from what I hear, these people are willing to keep you locked up until you die even if you never give them any information. Seems like an unfair trade."_

" _I'm not giving up my brothers for some lenient sentence. I have loyalty."_

Her brain kicked back into gear, a slow grinding that took all her focus. She had been talking to Kara weeks ago, what was it she'd said?

" _He definitely said 'what are brothers for'."_

"We have a problem," she said to Sam, who put the call on speaker phone. "Alex?"

"Did you find anything? No, not here, over there!" she yelled at the cop contaminating her crime scene. "Yeah?"

"It's Cadmus," Lena whispered. "Nicholas is working with them, he—" A loud noise and yelling could be heard over the phone and her house rocked slightly. "Did you feel that?"

"Was that an earthquake?" Sam raised her eyebrows.

Alex paused. A deep, rolling boom echoed down the street. The ground shook under her feet and dread seeped into her. "Find my sister," she snapped, hanging up.

People were streaming towards her, trampling the evidence as they ran away from the disturbance. Alex watched in disbelief as a building started to sink to the ground in front of her eyes. She sprung into action, yelling into her comm and heading for the epicenter. The DEO agents fanned out and started helping as many civilians as they could. When she was halfway to the collapsing building, another _boom_ resonated through her chest and she stopped, frantically looking around for the source of the second noise. Another building at the opposite end of the block started to fall, clouds of dust and debris shooting into the air.

 _This isn't an earthquake. Kara is MIA and the city is getting blown up. This can't be a coincidence._

Worry for her sister pierced her heart as she stood in the middle of the road. She didn't know where to direct people and as she hesitated, she felt another explosion. Two blocks east she saw dust rise up and she scanned the skies for J'onn, her heart in her throat. She zeroed in on him propping up a building, then someone tapped her on the shoulder.

"Agent Danvers!"

"What?" She spun around.

"Orders?!"

She blinked at Agent Vasquez, not sure what to do. Her safety training from the summer she volunteered with firefighters sprung to the front of her mind. "We need to tell people to stay under doorways, get to open areas where nothing can fall on them."

"Copy!" Vasquez peeled off and Alex went the other direction, motioning for people to follow. Despair tore at her but she forced it down, trying to ignore the screams of people who were beyond her help.

* * *

"What do we do now?" Sam stood up. Alex had texted them to stay away from downtown a few hours ago and the news was reporting multiple bombings. "We've been waiting around. I hate feeling this useless."

Lena hadn't spoken to her and was growing more agitated with every passing minute. The evening news was just starting when her phone chimed. It was a number she didn't recognize and she opened it.

The phone clattered to the ground as Lena ran to her front door, her heart exploding in her chest. Sam picked it up, calling after her friend. "Lena! What is it?" A shrill scream echoed down the hall and she shot up, sprinting to her friend.

 _Left you a present on your doorstep._

The sight that greeted her in the foyer was chaotic. Kara was slumped across the doorway and Lena was screaming her name. The frigid winter air was coming in and Sam pushed Lena out of the way. "Oh god. Help me get her inside!" she commanded. Lena didn't move and Sam had to drag Kara out of the cold, grunting with the effort. "Kara, wake up." She cradled the blonde's head in her arms, shocked by the state her body was in. _She was only gone for a day._ "Get me some water," she barked at Lena, who was clearly in shock. "And call Alex."

Kara's eyes opened to slits at her sister's name. "No," she groaned, blood frothing at her lips. "Don't tell... Alex." She made a pained noise and her eyes closed again. She couldn't think. Her chest was burning and her heart strained against the deadly toxin in her system.

Too concerned with getting Kara to breathe, Sam agreed. "Fine. Get me water," she said to Lena. The brunette sunk to her knees and Sam glared at her. "Get up!" When she didn't move, Sam looked at Kara's limp body and picked her up, adrenaline shooting through her veins and allowing her to carry the woman across the room. She set her down on Lena's couch and ran for the sink. _How did this happen?_ Tilting Kara's head back, she trickled water into her mouth, wiping away the blood that kept bubbling up with every rasping breath. _Oh my god, what do I do?!_

Kara swallowed, choked, then swallowed again. Her lips were blue and Sam felt for a pulse. It was barely there and her voice shot up an octave. "Kara, open your eyes." She was on the verge of slapping her when the younger woman looked up at her. "Good. Keep looking at me." She saw Kara's throat tense up and she leaned back as Kara retched over the side of the couch, a mixture of bile and blood splattering Lena's floor. "Fuck. Who did this to you? What happened?"

The blonde's teeth were chattering and she barely got out the word. "Nic—" A fresh wave of vomit ripped through her and Sam winced at the harsh gasping noises coming from Kara's lungs. She wanted the pain to end, wanted the sweet release of falling asleep and forgetting the piercing agony her entire body was in. Her back arched as the green K was carried around her body, in her bloodstream, through her heart, leaving a trail of excruciating pain behind. She groaned, her body shutting down.

The syllable seemed to jolt something in Lena because she knelt down by the couch. "Kara, what happened?" Her voice was eerily calm and Sam couldn't tell how much of this she was processing.

Kara leaned towards her girlfriend's voice subconsciously but then her body seized violently in Sam's arms and it took a minute for her to come back to reality. "Kryptonite." Her voice was hoarse and her eyes were darting around the room. It took everything she had not to let go, to stay with Sam and Lena. Their faces were blurring together, covered by the red haze that tinged everything she saw. The pain in her body was mirrored by the screaming in her head and she was pretty sure only she could hear it.

Lena's mouth was a tight line. "We need to get her to my lab."

"I don't think we can get downtown, if L-Corp is even still standing."

"Not downtown. My lab here. Downstairs." She helped Kara up, wincing sympathetically when she moaned in pain. "I know it hurts, baby, but this will help." Kara was unconscious by the time they made it down to the lab and they set her down carefully. Lena immediately hooked her up to a machine. "Dialysis," she said to Sam, snapping an oxygen mask around Kara's face.

The other woman's eyes opened and tried to focus on Lena's face, and she reached a weak hand up to tear off the mask but Lena caught it. "No," Kara mumbled. Her skin felt like it was being melted off her bones, her lungs felt like she had inhaled glass shards. Each time she moved it completely drained her and she was struck by a coughing fit.

"Kara, breathe," Sam said frantically, rubbing her back. She was alarmed at the amount of blood coming up, dripping steadily down her chin, staining her clothes.

"It's oxygen. You need it," Lena said soothingly. _Just another patient at the office,_ she thought to herself. _A human trial gone wrong. Fix it._ "Can you wheel that over here?" She pointed to a lamp and Sam obliged silently. "Yellow sunlight." Of course Lena would have installed a sun lamp the second she knew Kara was Supergirl. She switched it on, holding Kara's shoulders down as her body convulsed. The kryptonite was slowly working its way out of her system but it was far too slow for Lena's liking and it was causing far too much pain. She didn't know if they had enough time, if Kara had enough time.

"Lena."

Her head whipped around and she heard Sam gasp in surprise. "Nicholas."

He smiled. "You left the door open so I took it as an invitation."

"I won't be doing that again. Sam?" Her friend ran out of the room and went to close the front door. The second she was out of sight, Lena reached for the gun she knew was concealed by Kara's bed.

"I see you found my little gift," he said with a chuckle. "It's so rewarding, seeing your plans come to fruition."

"What did you do to her?" Lena was so angry she could barely speak and she forced her emotions down.

Nicholas shrugged, his hands in his pockets. "It's like giving chocolate to a dog."

"Why?" She said frostily, her feelings in check. Kara twitched under her hands and she wrapped her fingers around the pistol grip. "You could've killed her."

"Oh I tried to, believe me. It looks like I succeeded, too. I wanted to see her die in your arms, I guess I'm getting my wish. You don't seem that torn up about it, though, which is a shame." He waved a hand at her. "Come on, sweetheart. Unbox those emotions for me. Show me that Luthors are people, too."

Lena pulled the gun out, taking her hands off Kara, and pointed it at him. "Get out." Her voice was cold, unfeeling.

"Wow, I'm scared," he held his hands up. "I made her breathe kryptonite, you know," he mocked, pushing Lena closer to the edge. "Give me a smile. Prove to me that not all the women in your family are cold-blooded killers."

Anger shot through her and she cocked the gun. "I said get out."

"It really burned her. She threw up a lot of blood, so that dialysis machine might be killing her faster. She doesn't have much time."

"Last chance." Lena's voice was biting, acidic compared to his taunting.

"She doesn't look too good, does she?" He ran a hand through his hair. "You looked like that a few times after I was done with you. The difference is, for you I used my fists. Much more personal. For her? Just a little kryptonite injection, no biggie. Something about watching it tear through her body just got me going." He sneered and took a step forward. "Give up, Lena. This city is falling to pieces all around you, and your beloved little mutant will be a corpse in another minute—"

He stopped talking and fell backwards, a bullet hole between his eyes. A spray of red hit Sam in the face as she walked back into the room and she shrieked in surprise. The gun clattered to the floor by Lena's feet and she turned her attention back to Kara, her face a guarded mask.

Was it her imagination or was Kara's breathing getting more labored? She was pale as a sheet and blood dotted the kryptonian's chest; the green lines running underneath her almost-translucent skin were alarmingly obvious and Lena finally let her walls come down.

"You don't get to die," Lena growled, tears in her eyes. Sam was staring at the body in front of her in shock but Lena didn't pay her any attention. "Dammit, Kara!" She kissed her lips and tasted blood, kissed her cheek and it was disconcertingly ice-cold. Kara looked as dead as her mother had, as dead as Winn had. As dead as Nicholas was, lying on the floor a few meters away. "Kara!" A frustrated yell worked its way through her chest and she bit the inside of her cheek, her face crumpling in despair. It wasn't going to work in time. She wasn't going to be able to save her.

After every time Kara had been there for her, she had let her down.


	46. 46) Dead Inside

ok this chapter is hastily thrown together because I started another multi-chapter supercorp AU cause I have no self-control

* * *

 _There has been no word from the police on what appears to be a 'terrorist attack'. Hundreds are streaming from their workplaces in downtown National City as the buildings are being destroyed around them, some of the only structures still standing being the children's hospital and L-Corp headquarters. A man has been sighted flying around the city helping to keep the destruction at bay and it looks like there are government boots on the ground, but as of now, no one has seen the Girl of Steel. With two of the city's Luthor-funded buildings mostly unharmed and a missing Kryptonian, speculations are swirling about Lena Luthor's good-girl image—does she know more than she's letting on about her deceased mother's criminal organization, Cadmus?_

"Lena." Sam put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Come on."

Lena shook her head, a minuscule, controlled movement, and Sam knelt down to her level.

"Come on. I'll help you stand up. You need to get—cleaned up." Her voice broke but she continued. "This isn't healthy."

The brunette finally looked up from her blood-stained hands. "I killed her, Sam," she said in a hollow voice. "Nicholas, Cadmus. It's my fault she's dead."

"Don't talk like that," Sam said a little too harshly. Lena's usually piercing green eyes were dull and empty and she was afraid that her friend was shutting down.

"I killed her," Lena repeated, looking back down. Her hands were trembling and she watched them shake with a disinterested air until Sam slid hers over top, pressing down gently.

"Let me help you. Alex is—"

"Alex is never going to speak to me again," Lena said in a despairing voice.

Sam frowned. "Alex is too focused right now to worry about anyone else. And no news is good news."

Lena shook her head but started to stand. Her muscles were stiff from sitting for so long and she had to shut her eyes against the coppery smell of blood. _Kara's blood._ She felt Sam pulling her to the bathroom and followed on unsteady legs. The water started and it sounded like thunder in her ears. "What do I do now?" She glanced at her reflection in the mirror. Tear tracks were drying down her face and her eyes were bloodshot. A flash of Kara's blue eyes, dotted with blood, darted behind her eyelids. When she hadn't gotten enough oxygen, they vessels in her eyes had burst, leaving thin, red spider webs of blood across the orbs.

"Sit down." Sam pushed her into the tub and peeled her clothes off. With Lena sitting in her underwear, Sam methodically washed her hair, getting the blood out of the ends. It dissolved into the water and circled the drain, an innocent pinkish color against the porcelain tub. Lifting one of Lena's hands up, she wiped at it with a light touch, soap and water slowly revealing the pale skin underneath the red. "Listen to me," she said in a soothing voice, trying to keep Lena from slipping away. "Alex is downstairs with Kara. You have the best technology in the city and Alex knows more about her sister, biology, anatomy, physiology, than anyone alive except maybe her parents, and they're down there with her."

Lena was already shaking her head. "She would have come upstairs by now, she's mad we didn't call her sooner. I should have—"

"Stop. You're spiraling out. Look at me." Sam put her hands on Lena's cheeks and frowned in concern. The younger woman's skin was cold to the touch and her cheeks looked sunken in; it was as thought Lena was withering away in front of her.

"It's been hours, Sam," Lena whispered brokenly.

"I know. I know. You just have to wait."

Lena's eye twitched, a small movement that made Sam pause. "If I'm not allowed to help, why is Alex? She's too close, she'll be too emotional."

"I told you," Sam said patiently. "Experts. They're doing their best to save your girl."

"I should go help." Lena started to get up but Sam stopped her.

"You think Alex is emotional? What about you?"

Lena's flat expression stared up at her. "I'm not emotional. I don't feel anything."

Thinking of Nicholas' body downstairs, Sam swallowed. "That's what I'm worried about." The scariest part was that Lena looked just like she had the first time she'd seen her. Shoulders back, chin up, a closed-off, almost regal poker face that didn't betray anything. It was her nurtured reaction, her survival instinct to completely remove herself from situations, and she was alarmingly proficient at it.

A knock on the door frame had Sam standing in an instant. "Alex."

Lena didn't even blink, already numbing herself to the pain she knew was coming. _She's dead._ It wasn't going to be enough. She felt like a child on the beach, building a sand castle with her hands as tsunami force waves gathered just off shore.

Kara's sister looked pale and drawn. She ran a hand through her hair, sweat and blood sticking the short, brown strands to her forehead. "Thank you for everything you did," she said in a hoarse voice. "I can never make it up to you but the closest thing I have is—" she shut her eyes and grimaced. "Don't worry about Nicholas," she said stiffly.

"What does that mean?" Sam asked worriedly. "He can't be alive?"

The bang of the gun echoed in her ears and Lena couldn't hear the women talking anymore.

" _You're a killer, just like me."_

She got up and left the room, vaguely aware of Sam and Alex calling after her. Water dripped off her onto the floor as she walked to her bedroom, shutting the door in their faces. With robotic movements she toweled off her hair, blew it dry and pulled it into a bun. She tossed her wet underwear aside and put on the first clothes she saw—a sports bra, a dress shirt and sweat pants.

"Lena, where are you going? You should stay with Kara," Sam called out to her as she walked to the garage.

She ignored her friend, the words like a fly buzzing around her head. "Don't follow me." She got into her car.

Sam slapped a hand down on the hood but Lena juts drove away with a squeal of tires. Going back to where Alex was, she rubbed her eyes. "I don't think she heard that Kara is alive."

"She barely is," Alex said in a tired voice. "I tried my best, but coming back from something like this? There's no precedent. It's like alcohol poisoning but a million times worse. That's the closest explanation I can give you." The agent looked like she was about to collapse but she put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "If you need to follow her, you should. I need to stay with my family."

Sam nodded wordlessly, heading for her car. She had to track down Lena but had no idea where to start; by design her friend had always been a hard person to find. She started driving, not even seeing the road, and had to slam on her brakes when a man in a reflective safety vest appeared out of seemingly nowhere.

"Ma'am, you can't drive through here," he said when she rolled down her window.

"Why not?"

He looked at her like she was crazy. "The bombs went off and blocked the roads. Downtown is unreachable."

"I just need to get through, a friend of mine is—"

"It's not safe, I'm sorry," he said sympathetically. "Better off staying at home until we get this mess cleared up."

Sam blinked and backed down the street, pulling off at the first turn. She got out of her car and started walking, not sure where she was going. Screams reached her ears and all around her was debris; broken cinder blocks and abandoned cars, making downtown look like something out of an apocalypse movie. But nowhere could she see Lena's Mercedes or its driver, and as she turned down alleyways she'd never seen, the worry built up in her chest.

 _Where are you, Lena?_

* * *

A few hours later she walked into the lobby of the L-Corp building, arguing and forcing her way past a few policemen. Thankfully, Maggie had been on the scene and helped her get through, nervous at the expression on her face and the lack of an explanation Sam gave her.

"You need to go to Alex," Sam muttered as Maggie ushered her past streamers of caution tape.

"Is she okay?"

"She isn't hurt. Kara is. Badly."

Maggie had looked worried, torn between wanting to rush to her wife and her job. "I'm almost done here, I'll head to her apartment before I start working the next section."

"They're at Lena's house." Sam had wordlessly given her the address and walked away from her, entering her workplace like it was a regular Tuesday.

She rode the elevator up and was surprised to see Lena's assistant sitting in the front office. "Jess? What are you doing here?"

"It seemed like this was the safest place to stay," Jess said uncertainly. "Everywhere else is in pieces. Are you here to see Ms. Luthor?"

Sam looked past the assistant to see Lena working at her desk as though nothing had happened. "No—I mean, wait. Can you tell her something and not mention I was here?" Sam put a hand on Jess's arm, stopping her from opening the office door. She knew the second Lena saw her she would retreat even further, refusing help and cutting herself off from the rest of the world.

"Of course," the assistant said helpfully. "What's the message?"

"Tell her that she should come home," Sam swallowed, "So she can be there when Kara wakes up."

"Kara?" Jess didn't know much about Lena's personal life but she knew Sam from when she had run the company, and she had grown to love the motherly, older woman.

"Jess, it's very important that Lena hears you." Sam's expression darkened. "She won't listen to anyone else, she thinks Kara is dead. In fact, tell her Kara is awake." She turned and left before the assistant had the chance to ask any questions.

Lena didn't look up as Jess walked into her office. "Did you get the files I asked for?"

"About the surgical technology? Yes, they're all here." Jess tapped a thick folder in her arms. "Records and resumes of all the doctors who want to participate in your program." She hesitated and Lena glanced away from her desk.

"What's wrong? You can go home if you'd like but I thought you said you wanted to stay."

"I do. Want to stay, I mean. I know this building was constructed to withstand massive earthquakes and that's essentially what's happened. I just...I need to tell you something," she said haltingly.

"Spit it out then," Lena said impatiently, shifting in her chair. Her hand moved to her ribs and Jess raised an eyebrow; her boss had been making the small, nervous movement since she'd arrived unexpectedly at work, as though something on her side was bothering her.

"I think you should go home."

Lena sighed in exasperation and held out her hand for the folder. "I'll call if I need anything else," she said, dismissing Jess with a look at the door.

"You're not listening to me, Lena," Jess said harshly, thinking of Sam's face when she had grabbed her arm.

Jess had rarely, if ever, used her first name, and it drew the CEO's attention. "I'm listening," she said with apprehension. "Why should I go home?"

"Because Kara is awake."

Lena blanched. "What?"

"You need to go home and be with her," Jess said adamantly. "I have no idea what's going on, but I know you love her and you shouldn't leave her alone."

Lena's shoulders stiffened and she clenched her jaw. "You don't know what you're talking about," she started, struggling to keep her emotions at bay.

"I do. I'm telling you, go home, Lena." Jess frowned. "I have to go check on something, but if you're still here when I get back, I'm going to kick you out." She turned on her heel, hoping her words had done the job.

Lena watched her go then put her head in her hands. _This can't be real. Kara is dead._

" _Maybe you're going crazy,"_ her mother's voice taunted her. _"Maybe this is all a test."_

Her head dipped down and she rubbed the back of her neck. _Kara._

" _I had my claws in Nicholas long before you started screwing him. Maybe I planned this, maybe you're supposed to go home and realize that she's dead all over again, and it'll finally turn you into the villain you've been reluctant to embrace."_

She couldn't cry anymore, she had cried over Kara's cold body down in her basement until Alex had arrived and shoved her away. She knew it was a bad thing that she had run away from Sam, afraid of feeling all the emotions that she couldn't give words to. She could feel her empathy slipping away, all her sadness and anger and guilt disappearing into a box that she would have to dig up in years to come.

Her office phone rang and she jumped, reaching for it. "L-Corp, Lena Luthor speaking."

There was silence on the other end of the line and then a cough. "Hey, baby."

Lena's eyes flew open and she stood up, stretching the phone cord and knocking papers off her desk. "Kara!"

"That's me," the hoarse voice came again. "Where are you?"

"I—you're alive?" Lena's heart felt like it was splitting, flutters of hope starting in her stomach.

"Family of doctors," Kara said weakly. "Liquid sunlight, straight to my bones."

"Veins," Alex corrected over the phone.

"Veins. You still there?"

Lena was at a loss for words. "Is it really you?"

"Yeah. Sam said you needed a little convincing so I—" Kara broke off into a coughing fit, a rasping noise that made Lena wince.

"Kara, you need to rest." Alex said, admonishing her sister.

"I wanna talk to her," the blonde whined.

She swallowed, holding the phone to her ear. "Kara?"

"Come home, I miss you."

"Don't say anything, just—" Lena slammed the phone down and fell into her chair, the air trapped in her lungs. She stared at her desk for what seemed like forever then let out the air in a whoosh and started sobbing into her hands.

* * *

"Took you long enough," Kara mumbled as Lena sat down by her bed. Alex was sleeping in the next chair over and her parents were upstairs with Maggie and Sam; once she was sure Kara was awake and talking, the older Danvers had thrown everybody out.

"I'm so sorry," Lena whispered past the lump in her throat. "I left and you—" The ache in her chest was unbearable and she inhaled, her eyes shining with tears.

"Hey, don't apologize." Kara waved a weak hand and Lena caught it, pressing a kiss to her fingers. Kara tried to sit up but winced, her nose scrunching up.

"What's wrong?" Lena said frantically. "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere," Kara said with another wince, glancing at the IV bag by her bed. The bag was full of a glowing, blue liquid and Lena frowned, reading the side of the bag. "Liquid sunlight," Kara said with a weak smile.

Following the tube to the needle in Kara's arm, Lena's frown deepened. "I thought you were better."

"I am," Kara insisted, lying back down. She shivered and let out a quiet whimper.

"Then how can there be a needle in your arm?" Lena went to turn up the heat and get a blanket from the closet in the corner.

"Solar flare," Kara said in an off-hand voice. "If my cells lose all their yellow sun radiation, I lose my powers. It's not permanent," she assured her.

"I wouldn't care if it was." Lena swallowed, tears dripping off her chin. Alex had changed Kara's clothes at some point and she was wearing one of Lena's undershirts.

Next to her, Alex opened her eyes. "How do you feel?" She pushed Lena aside and bent over her sister.

Kara rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, you've asked me a million times."

Alex checked the IV bag nervously. "Are you in any pain? I think your lungs have cleared up—"

"Alex," Kara said with a knowing look. "Can you give us some privacy?" She glanced at Lena; the CEO seemed a little awkward standing behind her sister.

Alex seemed to deliberate for a second but left with a nod, patting Lena's shoulder before walking away.

Lena sat back down and Kara wiped away her girlfriend's tears, smiling. "Don't cry. I'm okay. We're okay."

Shaking her head, Lena sniffled. "We're not okay. This is all my fault, that stupid card, and you could've died!" She closed her eyes and squeezed Kara's hand. "I was so scared."

"I know," Kara said gently, "But I'm fine. I'm—"

Lena stood up and kissed her. Kara tasted salt as the brunette's tears fell on her cheeks and she felt the backs of her own eyes stinging. She sighed, parting her lips, brown hair tickling her face. Lena's mouth burned on hers, soft and slow, and she felt her bottom lip tremble. She felt Lena's pain like her own and pulled her closer, her hands slipping from her shoulders and down her sides.

Lena gasped and pulled away as Kara's fingers hit the bandage on her ribs.

"What? What is it?" Kara leaned back and searched her face but Lena had wiped it clean of any expression.

"Nothing." She looked away. The last time she'd made a grand, romantic gesture it had almost killed Kara, so she bit her tongue.

The older woman opened her mouth to argue but her eyes widened and Lena barely had time to grab a bin before Kara puked. Thankfully, there was no trace of blood, just water and bile. "Gross." Kara made a face, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "It's like the world's worst hangover."

"Don't do that." Lena kissed her forehead. "Don't try to downplay this. You could've died. I thought you _did_ die." _Please don't ask about Nicholas._

Kara winced again, rinsing her mouth out. She paused and looked up, meeting Lena's gaze. Her eyes were dark green and Kara swallowed, her stomach fluttering. "I was really scared," she said in a barely audible voice. "I thought I was going to die without seeing you again."

"Never," Lena gave her a wry smile. "I would've killed you."

Kara chuckled, then her face grew serious. "I'm sorry I ran away, I just...I haven't seen Kryptonian in a long time and I just, I reacted badly."

"It's my fault, I should've asked your permission. I didn't think—"

"Wait." Kara caught Lena's fidgeting hands and held them still. "I wanted to say that it means a lot to me that you would learn my language. I thought when you found out the truth that you would hate me, but you didn't, you embraced it. You mean so much to me." Her eyes were clear and seemed to bore into Lena's soul.

Lena smiled in relief, feeling the stinging on her ribs. "Thanks for not dying. It means a lot to me."

With a grin, Kara lifted the corner of the blanket. "What are friends for? Come snuggle. This bed is too big, I can't believe you have an entire hospital in your basement."

"I'm glad I did because nowhere else is—" Lena shut her mouth, realizing Kara didn't know about the chaos outside.

"What?" Kara asked as Lena slid into bed. She was feeling sleepy and wasn't paying too much attention to what she was saying, just wanting the feeling of her next to her in bed.

Lena started to answer but Kara was hit with a bout of coughing. Rubbing her back, Lena's eyebrows knit with worry. "You sure you're okay, love? I can get Alex."

Kara cleared her throat and settled back down, groaning. "I just have a headache. Being human is harder than I thought."

"You don't know the half of it," Lena murmured into her hair. "I love you." She thought of Nicholas and waited for Kara to respond, feeling guilty.

With her lips twitching up into a smile, Kara hummed. "I love you too. Sleep now?"

"Sleep," Lena whispered, kissing Kara's shoulder. She traced patterns along Kara's spine as her breathing slowed. The reporter shifted in her sleep and Lena held her breath, afraid of waking her up. When Kara let out a deep sigh, Lena rested her palm over her heart, feeling it beat under her skin.

 _I almost lost her._

It was a painful thought and Lena didn't realize until now how not okay she would be if Kara were to die. She had come so far from the younger, emotionless version of herself and she had nearly thrown it all away in a few short hours. She didn't see a way back from that, that pit of despair that she had been on the edge of all afternoon until she'd heard Kara's voice over the phone. Out of everything, on top of everything that she had gone through, Kara dying would have broken her. Pushed her past the point of no return.

She closed her eyes and matched the older woman's breathing. The concept of Kara getting hurt was both terrifying and unfamiliar. The woman she loved was hers to protect, but the woman she loved was invincible. Almost invincible. The emotional toll of the day crashed down on her and she brushed Kara's hair back and kissed the base of her neck. She breathed in the scent of fresh air and sunshine and tried to go to sleep but her brain wouldn't shut off, running around in circles.

 _You could've killed her._

 _You killed Nicholas._

 _You're a murderer._

 _What do you tell her when she asks about him?_

 _What did Alex mean, 'take care of him'?_

 _You killed a man without a second thought._

 _You're a murderer._

* * *

Kara rubbed at her eyes and noticed with satisfaction that the needle was gone from her arm. Her sister was bent over her, rearranging her pillow for the fifth time that morning, and she smiled. "I'm fine, Alex."

"Just because we don't have to mainline radiation into your bloodstream doesn't mean you're fine," Alex said gruffly. Everyone was sleep-deprived and stressed out trying to contain the situation outside. Maggie was staying in their apartment because it was closer to work and Alex got up early to make it downtown to help with the clean up, but no one had told Kara about the destruction the city had undergone yet. "Your super hearing hasn't returned, has it?"

"You mean can I hear you guys talking about me when you're not in the room? No. And believe me, I've tried." She stuck her tongue out at her sister and Alex frowned, checking her watch. At that moment Lena walked in looking tired and Kara's face lit up. "Hi, baby. I feel like you've been avoiding me, how was work?"

"I'm gonna say something rude and repulsive and you can never repeat it," Lena groaned, plopping down on the side of Kara's bed.

"Sure."

"I hate being rich."

Alex raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything, just continued with her examination, and Kara bit her lip. "Um. I'm sure there are a ton of people who would switch places with you."

"Not right now, they wouldn't. Everyone is asking me for money." Lena saw Alex shaking her head and made an annoyed noise. "It's not like she's not going to find out," she said to Kara's sister.

"Find out what?" Kara asked curiously.

"Last week when you went missing," Lena started, ignoring Alex's look of disapproval, "Half of downtown got destroyed in an attack."

"Attack? What kind of attack?" Kara pushed her sister's hand away and sat up.

"Nice going, Lena," Alex huffed. She turned on her sister and pointed a finger at her chest. "I swear to god if you try to get out of this bed I will knock you out, and with your regular strength you don't stand a chance against me."

Kara's eyebrows furrowed with worry. "Okay, okay," she acquiesced, lying back down. "What kind of attack?"

"A bombing," Lena answered truthfully. "It was Cadmus. From the looks of it, a suicide bombing."

"Is that why you both look so tired?" Kara said, shocked.

"Why did you think?"

"I thought you were trying to find Nicholas," she said quietly. "I have to go out there, I have to help—"

"I said _no_." Alex pushed her sister back down and pulled the blanket over her chest. "J'onn has a few of his friends helping. You need to focus on getting back to a hundred percent, then you can go back out there and do your superhero thing."

"'Superhero thing'?" Kara said indignantly. "It's not just a 'thing', Alex. It's pretty vital, if I do say so myself. Especially if I'm not there when the city needs me the most. I could help find him, I could clear up the streets—"

"You were a little busy coming back from kryptonite poisoning while it was happening, if I recall," Alex said bitterly, "So how about you listen to me for once and _stay here._ " Her concern came out as anger; the stress of the last several days, the worry over Kara nearly dying. "I'm serious," she added, her jaw set.

"Does anyone know where he went? I can't remember anything after..." she trailed off, putting her hand out to touch Lena's arm. It grounded her, feeling Lena's body under her hands, and she looked back up at her sister.

"Kara, let me take care of you," Alex pleaded, wishing her sister would drop the subject. She knew Kara had seen some horrifying things in her twenty-seven years, but even she didn't know how to tell her sister what she'd done without sounding like a monster.

Kara was already reaching for her phone and looking up the news. She felt like a bear who had been woken up from hibernation too early only to find out the forest was on fire. _How could no one tell me what was going on?_ Picking the first video, she watched the full three minutes feeling Alex and Lena's eyes on her. "I have to help, I feel so useless," she insisted when it finished. She dropped the phone into her lap, leaving it on auto play. "The city's a disaster, how am I supposed to tell everyone I abandoned them?"

"You didn't abandon them, you were dying!" Alex burst out. "And it's only thanks to Lena that you're alive enough to sit here feeling useless!"

" _...reports coming in steadily, almost fifty people have been identified as casualties in last week's terror attack, one of them being L-Corp associate Nicholas Masterson. Mr. Masterson recently moved to National City and had been working with Lena Luthor until his untimely passing."_

Everyone froze. Lena shot Alex a glance and Alex stared at her shoes, not saying a word.

"Did I hear what I think I just..." Kara looked down at her phone then back up at the two women, the question in her eyes.

There was an uncomfortable silence where Lena just stared at Alex in shock.

"Good riddance," Alex said casually, not meeting anyone's eyes. "Asshole had it coming."

"You said it was a suicide bombing. Was it him?" Kara glanced at her girlfriend.

"I didn't think so," Lena said slowly.

"What does the DEO know?" She looked back to her sister.

Alex ran a hand through her hair. "Not much. I should get back to work, there's gonna be an investigation into that I'm sure."

"Why would there be an investigation?"

"Because he was rich and famous and they get treated differently," Alex said, not looking at Lena.

"But he died in the explosion, the news—"

"Kara, just drop it, okay?"

"Alright," Kara said dubiously, sensing Alex's anxiety. Her sister looked relieved and left her and Lena alone together. "Tired?"

Lena watched Alex leave then nodded. "Exhausted." She lay down next to Kara outside the blanket and closed her eyes. Kara ran a hand down her side and hummed a song that had been stuck in her head all day.

"What happened?" she asked her girlfriend.

"What do you mean?" Lena didn't open her eyes, too tired to really pay attention.

Kara's hand paused right over Lena's bandage and she poked it lightly. "Right here. You were acting like it hurt the other day."

Lena kept her eyes closed but her heart rate picked up. "It doesn't hurt."

"You sure? Because I know you and that's how you act when you have a bruise," Kara said accusingly.

"Can we not talk about this right now?" Lena dismissed her. "I'm really tired, I've been working since nine."

"That's not even the earliest you've ever gone into the office. Come on, you can tell me anything," Kara said in a soft voice. "Please?"

Lena cracked an eye open and immediately realized her mistake. Kara's pout was on in full force and she already felt guilty. "I hate you," she grumbled. "There are still a few secrets I can keep from you, you know." _Like Nicholas._

"I'll find out what they are eventually," Kara mumbled, kissing Lena's neck. "Please?" She traced Lena's cheekbones with a feather-light touch. "I don't have x-ray vision so you're going to have to show me."

Lena rolled her eyes. "There are easier ways to get my clothes off, you know." She sat up but when her fingers hooked under the hem of her shirt, she hesitated. "It's healed by now, or I wouldn't show you."

"What's going on?" Kara said, a note of alarm creeping into her tone.

"You'll see," Lena muttered, pulling her shirt up. She stopped halfway, revealing her rib cage.

Kara gasped and reached for her, her hand hovering millimeters away from Lena's skin. "When did you get that?"

Lena took a deep breath. "When I thought you were dead. It was going to be the last thing I felt," she said faintly.

"Did it hurt?"

Lena shook her head. "I thought you were dead," she said simply. "I don't think anything could have hurt me more than that."

On the side of Lena's rib cage was a delicately drawn symbol. It was inked in black and red and Kara brushed the skin as though it would come off in her hands. _"El mayarah,"_ she whispered, tracing the lines. Letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding, she met Lena's sea green eyes. "You know that's permanent, right?"

"Yes, I know it's permanent." Lena knit her eyebrows. "I do know what a tattoo is, darling."

"Are you sure you want this?"

"It's a little late now, don't you think?" Pulling her shirt back down, she slid under the blanket and shivered against Kara's body heat. "You're acting like I haven't gotten it yet."

"I just...I wasn't expecting that. I thought you—I don't know what I thought. I guess I thought good girls didn't get tattoos," Kara said incredulously.

Lena's smile dissolved into quiet tears at the phrase 'good girl' and Kara wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "I'm not a good person," she sniffled. "I did something horrible and I'm afraid you won't ever forgive me."

Shocked at the sudden change in Lena's mood, Kara's face was a mask of confusion. "What could you have done that was so terrible? You aren't responsible for what happened. If anything, I should be the one feeling bad—I do feel bad that I'm not out there helping."

Lena shook her head and buried her face in Kara's chest. "I can't," she mumbled. "You won't love me anymore. I hate myself."

Kara stroked her hand through Lena's hair making soothing noises. "You're okay. Don't hate yourself, talk to me. What's wrong, baby? You don't have to feel bad."

She raised her head and the expression on Kara's face made her want to cry even harder, but she clenched her stomach against the sobs that threatened to take over. "Just hold me," she breathed, pressing herself against Kara's body. "Because once you know you won't want to be near me anymore and it'll kill me. My mother was right, I should've never tried to be anything else."

"Lena, you're scaring me." Kara's voice was full of concern and her hands had stopped moving. "Tell me what you did, I'm sure I can help. I can feel your heart beating really hard and it's worrying me."

There was a beat of silence and Kara felt tears soaking through her shirt. Lena took a shuddering breath and looked up at Kara, green eyes meeting blue. One was red and teary, the other was wide and anxious. All the other problems, the budget cuts, the funding, the charities, the city that needed rebuilding, it all disappeared the second she looked into Kara's eyes. Sam and Alex already knew, and if she couldn't tell Kara, she couldn't tell anyone.

"I killed Nicholas."

* * *

"Alex!"

Her sister's voice sent a jolt of fear through her chest and Alex shot to her feet, turning away from Maggie and Sam. "Kara, what are you doing out of bed?"

Lena came running up behind her. "I tried to stop her," she panted, "but she wasn't hearing it."

"What's this I hear about Nicholas Masterson?" Kara eyed her sister accusingly and Alex swallowed nervously.

"I didn't tell you because I knew you'd react like this," she started, holding her hands up. "I figured it would be easier if he just disappeared."

"You don't get to decide that," Kara said angrily. "Why do you think taking matters into your own hands is always the best way to do things?" She seemed out of breath and Alex watched her, concern in her eyes. Nothing else mattered as long as her sister was okay.

"I did it for you," Alex defended herself. "If people knew that it was Lena who—"

"You still don't get it, do you?" Kara brushed off Lena's hand on her shoulder and took a menacing step towards her sister. "You're no better than everyone else, thinking she'd be found guilty just because she's a Luthor."

"That's not..." Alex trailed off, realizing that was exactly what she'd done. She thought she was making their lives easier but if she really thought about it, she was just trying to save them the uphill battle of proving Lena's innocence. "I'm sorry." She deflated, rubbing the back of her neck. "It's too late to fix it but I'm sorry."

Kara peered at Sam and Maggie; neither of them looked surprised and she took a sharp breath. "Did you all know?" Eliza looked at her with pity and she felt the room spinning around her. "You can't just—who decided to—" She stumbled and Alex reached out a hand, but Kara pushed her away angrily. "You can't just _kill people._ "

Alex crossed her arms. "You're lucky I didn't get to him first," she said angrily. "The world isn't black and white, Kara. He was a monster. He was a terrible, terrible man and he got what he deserved."

"What do you think about this?" Kara turned on her girlfriend, who seemed to shrink back.

"I wish I could take it back," Lena said in a small voice, "But if the choice was between him or you, there's no question." She looked at the floor and swallowed. "It doesn't matter. I already don't deserve you, you might as well leave me now."

"No," Kara's eyes widened. "That's not what I'm saying at all. You had your reasons, Alex didn't."

"Killing someone in cold blood is hard to justify," Lena said quietly. She could feel Kara staring at her and refused to look up.

"Mom!" Kara said, exasperated. "You can't seriously agree with Alex." A sharp pain shot through the front of her skull and she winced but shrugged it off.

Eliza shook her head. "I don't. You're right, honey. You can't do whatever you want and damn the consequences. But karma has a funny way of making its way back around."

"Mom!"

"Would you rather this or either Alex or Lena be in jail for the rest of their lives?"

"That doesn't mean you can cover up a—" Kara paused and put a hand to her throat, squeezing her eyes shut. Lena rubbed her back and murmured something in her ear that Alex didn't hear.

"Kara, you need rest. We can talk about this some other time."

Taking a shuddering breath, Kara met her sister's gaze evenly. "You think you're such a responsible person, saving everyone and always taking control of everything. You couldn't be more wrong." She turned back to the stairs, letting Lena guide her away.

When they got back down to the basement Kara was barely staying on her feet.

"I'm not leaving you," she said aloud to her girlfriend. "I know you think you're worthless but I'm not giving up on you. I'm not okay with what Alex did, but I don't blame you." She groaned as Lena pulled her towards the bed. "Promise me you won't give up on yourself."

"Don't worry about that right now," Lena said quickly. "Let's just get you back into bed." Her voice shot up an octave as Kara pitched forward, her body folding in on itself. She slowly sunk to her knees and Lena crouched by her side, her eyes wide with concern.

"Hurts," the older woman mumbled, keeping her eyes closed.

"Come on," Lena encouraged, helping her up to the bed. Once the yellow sunlight hit her skin, Kara relaxed.

"Alex doesn't understand that she can't play god," she said to Lena as her girlfriend sat down in the chair.

"I know how she feels, though," Lena said quietly.

Kara frowned. "Join me in bed?"

Lena shook her head. "I don't think I should. I know what Alex did is bothering you, but it's only because of me that she had to. I'm the one that shot him."

"You also had to deal with him abusing you for months. PTSD, maybe anxiety—"

"I don't think so, Kara. I wasn't carried away, this wasn't a crime of passion. I was looking him in the eye and he said you were dying and I squeezed the trigger. My finger moved an inch and just like that he was dead, and I genuinely didn't care."

"I don't believe you're capable of not feeling anything," Kara argued. "You wouldn't feel this badly if you were."

"Maybe," Lena said dubiously. She thought back to the feeling of closing herself off and shuddered, the gunshot still echoing in her ears as she'd gone about her work like nothing had happened. "Don't be so sure."

"I am sure," Kara said confidently. "I know you. I know your heart. You think you're cold and unfeeling and apathetic, but you are warm and loving and you can't beat yourself up about this."

"What about Alex?"

"I'll deal with her later," Kara said tiredly. "I just want to sleep. Will you be here when I wake up?"

Lena weaved their fingers together. "Always."


	47. 47) Happier Times

HI I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT I AM SO DAMN SHOOK ABOUT 4x10 LIKE WHO GAVE THEM THE RIGHT

ok let's pick up the pace a bit

* * *

"All I'm saying is it would be nice if you included me on a decision for once." Kara put her mug down with a _thud_ and coffee splashed over the sides, burning her. "Rao, that's hot," she grumbled, getting up to fetch a towel.

"I do include you!" Alex said angrily. It was the next day and Alex had offered to make pancakes in truce but they had started arguing again. "I ask for your help all the time! But there was a ticking clock on this one, and you can't honestly say that it didn't work out."

"Alex, what you did was wrong. There's no way around it."

"People can do the wrong thing for the right reasons, Kara. The ends justify the means." She stirred the batter angrily.

"No, they don't! That makes us no better than them. We have to have morals, laws. Rules that keep us from doing whatever we want! I'm the most powerful alien on the planet and I still have to follow orders."

"And yet, time after time, you disregard mine," Alex said in an aggravated tone, watching Lena as she walked into the room with a yawn.

"Is there coffee?" The dark haired woman slumped over by her girlfriend. She had stayed up most of the night making sure Kara was alright and her back was sore from leaning over in the chair.

Kara's face immediately softened at the sound of Lena's voice. She kissed her shoulder and slid her mug over wordlessly. Both the Danvers watched her take a sip then Alex turned on the stove and the gas lighting broke the silence.

"I just don't think we should get away with this," Kara said in a doubtful tone.

"What's your idea, Kara? Go up to the news station and tell them your girlfriend killed him?"

Lena's head shot up but Kara rubbed her shoulder and glared at her sister. "She has self defense on her side. What's your excuse for dragging his body across the city?"

Waiting for the skillet to heat up, Alex groaned with frustration. "Would you really rather Lena was in jail right now? Because that's what would have happened. You can't have it both ways, Kara."

"And you can't dispense justice at the drop of a hat," Kara countered.

"Why not? That's what you do. I just did it with less punching." Alex slid a plate across the table and Kara put her hand out to stop it and missed. Only Lena's hand, quick to reach across, managed to catch it right before it fell of the edge.

"This sucks," Kara grumbled.

"Not having your powers or this whole situation?" Lena asked, righting the plate. She took a bite of a pancake and held it out to Kara. "Try one."

Kara shook her head. "I'm not really hungry."

"You're never not hungry," Lena said in a lighthearted tone.

"Well, I'm not hungry right now." Kara shot her sister a side glance. Alex was busying herself over the stove and she found herself getting angry all over again. "Alex, you need to fix this."

"There's nothing to do," Alex said halfheartedly. "Best case scenario, Lena ends up on trial and maybe I do too. Worst case? We both end up in jail and the DEO becomes public knowledge."

"I could've done something, I could've—"

"Could've what, Kara?" Alex exploded. "Made him not dead? Carried his body to the hospital as Supergirl?"

"You always make decisions like this without asking me! Without thinking!"

"It's because I was thinking of you that I did it! You really believe I would've done something like this for just anyone? Of course not!" Alex took a deep breath and kept going. "I protect my family, Kara. That includes Lena now, so I'm not going to sit here feeling bad about something I can't change! I didn't do it on a whim, I knew what I was getting into."

Kara's eyebrows knit and Lena watched her frown deepen, feeling out of place. "I'm your sister, you didn't think about how this would affect me?"

"It's because you're my sister that I made this decision! You never could've done what I did, I always have to make the hard choices!"

"Like you did with Winn?"

The words hung in the air. Alex had her back to them but Lena saw her hand freeze halfway to the spatula. A glance at Kara's face told her that her girlfriend already felt guilty about what she'd said. Her jaw was set but the grief in her expression was unmistakable and Lena didn't know if she should say something or reach out and touch her.

"Screw you, Kara," Alex said stiffly. She ripped off the apron and threw it on the ground, storming away.

Kara's face crumpled as her sister walked away and she put her head in her hands, leaning on the counter. Lena didn't say anything, just put her hand on Kara's shoulder and sat in silence. _This is all my fault._

* * *

 _Months after a violent attack on downtown National City, the natural flow of things is just starting to return. Supergirl is back on the streets fighting crime and the people have forgiven her for her absence—sources close to the caped crusader say that she was held hostage by Cadmus during the bombing and she is working closely with the police to bring every member of the organization to justice. In other news, Lena Luthor has partnered with one of the biggest pharmaceutical companies in America with the intention of building a school primarily focused on science on the outskirts of National City._

"Sam, I thought you said predicted forecast was four hundred and thirteen."

"I said four twelve, but what's the problem?"

Kara burst into Lena's office and neither of them looked up, used to her entrances. "I saw the cutest doggo on the street just now," she said, flopping down onto the couch next to her girlfriend and plucking a donut out of the open box.

"That's nice, dear." Lena didn't look up.

"Lena, spit it out."

"I crunched these numbers. Hard. And I keep ending up with four seventeen."

Sam rolled her eyes. "We added the extra five because of advertising costs. It'll balance out with you getting the upper hand in the end."

"Four thirteen what? You should buy me four hundred thirteen donuts," Kara said hopefully, starting on her second.

"It's just finances. Do you know how to read a chart?" Sam tossed her one and Kara caught it with her free hand, shoving the rest of the donut in her mouth.

"Hey, that's confidential information," Lena objected, smiling at Kara and going over to her desk.

"Not really. You guys are gonna get married and she's gonna see it eventually so it doesn't matter," Sam pointed out.

Lena bit her lip. "We just don't really talk about money," she said like Kara wasn't even there. "I was waiting until—"

"Executive summary," Kara mumbled around a mouthful of powdered sugar. She flipped open the plastic cover and raised an eyebrow. "This is a pie chart. From second grade."

"Technically, yes. But it's a little more complicated than that."

"What's...large cap growth? Long term bond? Fixed income blend?" Kara looked up at the other two women, the crinkle forming between her eyebrows. "These are all small words but they don't make sense together."

"Here, I'll teach you a little something about finances," Sam said, sitting down next to the blonde. "See this column? Account type is like...what the money is set aside for."

"What's edu IRA?"

"That means the money can only be used for higher educational purposes. So college or anything above it. And all these percentages show how much of the total each one is in."

"Whoa. Top holdings?"

"That's a fancy way of where the most money is." Sam smirked at Lena and watched Kara's eyebrows raise. "Hey, remember when Lena wigged out about you being Supergirl?"

"I did not _wig out,_ " Lena objected.

"Fine. She got really bitter and didn't know how to handle it until she realized she was in love with you?"

Kara frowned. "What are you getting at?"

"Well, this is Lena's superpower."

Lena sighed, crossing her arms and standing up. "You know I hate it when you do this."

"I'm just saying, this is the equivalent of Lena being an alien."

"Keep your voice down," Kara hissed. She glanced up at Lena. "Should I be scared?" she asked uncertainly. "Cause Sam is acting like this is a really big deal." She went back to reading the portfolio and Lena saw her eyes widen.

"Here we go," the brunette muttered under her breath.

Kara's jaw dropped. She read and reread the numbers printed on the page and blinked a few times, then closed the portfolio and swallowed. "So." Her mouth felt dry and she licked her lips. "Is that, like...what your company is worth?"

"That's how much this deal is worth."

Kara blinked again and stuttered her way through a sentence. "So when you said...four hundred—thirteen, you mean four hundred, four hundred thirteen million?"

"That's just for the new pharmaceutical deal, not everything else. That's the base total without investments and all the trimmings." Sam slid the file out of Kara's hands and winked at Lena. "I'll leave you two alone."

The second the door closed Lena leaned down to Kara and kissed her forehead. "You know I'd give it all up in a heartbeat for you."

Kara looked a little shell-shocked but she tilted her head up to kiss her back. J'onn's voice came through the comms, startling her. "Supergirl. Something unauthorized just entered our airspace, can you see what it is?"

"I gotta go." She stood up and kissed Lena again, wrapping her arms around her waist. "I'll be right back."

"But you just got here," Lena whined. "And I don't want to go back to work."

Kara grinned as Lena clung to her like a baby koala. "Baby, I gotta go. It could be an emergency."

"What if it's not an emergency?" Lena countered, breathing down Kara's neck.

"What if it's an alien invading our city and I have to stop them?"

Someone knocked on Lena's glass window and they broke apart. "Is that..."

"Hey!" Kara opened the door and hugged her cousin, her grin widening. "Don't worry J'onn. It's just Superman."

"Tell him I said hi. And to let us know next time."

Lena was glaring at Superman like he had just interrupted a private moment—which he had. He looked nothing like the Kansas-buckwheat native reporter that had walked into her office all those months ago, Kara at his side.

"Ms. Luthor," he said with a small nod. "Kara."

"Hi, Clark." Lena pursed her lips.

Kara waved away Clark's stuttering. "She knows," she explained shortly. "It's...it's something." Looping her arm in Lena's, she turned back to her cousin. "What brings you out west?"

"I've been so busy lately with incidents happening across the globe but I heard about the bombing and I wanted to apologize for not dropping by." Clark walked into the office and started pacing. "I also heard about Nicholas Masterson. From your sister," he said when Kara shot him a look. "She wanted me to talk to you about it. Because of Zod, and what I had to do to stop him."

"I don't really want to hear it, Kal. It's not going to change how I feel."

"Don't you want to heal this rift between you and Alex? She says you haven't really talked to her since then."

Kara huffed. "We work together. Doesn't mean I have to like it. When I signed up to help the DEO, I didn't sign up to work alongside people who stage crime scenes and use their authority to do whatever they want."

"Sometimes we do terrible things for the people we love," Clark said softly. "I don't know what line I wouldn't cross for Lois." Lena pursed her lips in agreement and Kara scoffed.

"People don't write laws for fun. They're meant to be followed, obeyed, enforced. And this wasn't exactly stealing candy from a store. She had to move his body," she hissed, lowering her voice, "to make it look like an accident. I thought I knew my sister, but the person I knew would never do that."

"You're telling me you wouldn't have done the same for Lena?"

"I'm telling you she should've come to me!"

"And what would you have done? Turned the woman you love in to the police? I know you're mad at yourself for what he did to you and to Lena," Clark continued, "But don't let him take everything from you."

"He didn't take anything from me," Kara said firmly but her bottom lip trembled.

"You haven't been sleeping well," Lena pointed out. "And I've noticed you looking over your shoulder."

"So what?" Kara said defensively. "You were a lot worse when I got you back."

Lena held her hands up in surrender. "I'm just saying, you don't have to act like everything's fine when it's clearly not. Maybe you should hear him out."

* * *

 **[months later]**

Lena sped up to make it through a yellow light and Kara slapped a hand on the dashboard. "You drive like a maniac," she grumbled, sitting up straight.

"You love it when I drive fast," Lena said, accelerating even more. "And we wouldn't have to speed if _someone_ hadn't been running late."

"I wouldn't have run late if you put your clothes on right after you shower, it's your fault for distracting me."

Lena snorted and the tires squealed as she made a sharp right turn onto Alex's street. "What's this get-together for, anyways?"

"Just a girl's night but Alex said we had to be there." Kara shrugged and hopped out of the car into the heat of mid-July.

The second Lena got out of the air conditioned car she regretted it. "Let's get inside." She slid her sunglasses on and headed for the door, taking Kara's hand. "I'm glad you and your sister have made up. You aren't going to start a fight, are you?"

"Stop worrying. Everything has more or less blown over." Kara skipped into the elevator and the whole ride up kept stealing glances at Lena. She could see her influence on the CEO's lifestyle, Lena was wearing one of Kara's v-cut tees with acid-washed jeans. Nothing could talk her out of wearing three inch heels but somehow Lena pulled it off, looking elegant and sexy at the same time.

"Hey!" Sam opened the door and greeted them with a wide smile. "You two are always late."

"Sorry, I overslept," Kara said lamely.

Sam narrowed her eyes. "It's seven thirty."

"I was tired! Where's the puppy?" Kara made a beeline for Gertrude, picking the dog up. "Oof, you're getting big."

"Close the door, you're letting out the AC," Maggie called from the kitchen. She looked happier than Kara had seen her in a while, practically beaming. "How are ya, little Danvers? Lena?"

"This heat is killing me," Kara answered, going to hug her sister-in-law. "What's with the streamers? And balloons?" A rainbow of balloons covered the ceiling and as she looked up, Gertrude wriggled out of her arms and went to jump around Lena.

"You'll see," Maggie said mysteriously. "For now, try my famous, homemade chocolate pecan pie!"

Never one to turn down food, Kara grabbed a spoon and sat down.

"Don't ruin your appetite, love," Lena said over her shoulder, walking with Sam to the couch. "This is a dinner party, after all."

"I know, I know," Kara said through her third bite of pie. "Rao, this is amazing. Alex must have married you for your pie making skills." Alex threw a couch cushion at her on her way to the kitchen and Kara caught it. "Nice try. Someone put on some music, what kind of party is this?"

"Actually, now that you two finally showed up we have an announcement." Grinning at her wife, Maggie stopped cooking for a second. "You wanna tell them, babe?"

"Let me guess," Kara gasped before Alex could answer. "You guys are getting another dog."

"No," Alex said and Kara's face fell. "It's a little better than a dog."

"A cat?"

"Kara, shut up for a second," Maggie laughed. "There's no way to ease into this, but..."

"I'm pregnant!" Alex jumped in, not waiting for her to finish.

For a split second no one said anything and then Kara squealed, her hands going to her mouth. "Oh my god! Oh my god! I'm so happy for you, that's—ahhh!" She hugged both of them, jumping up and down. "You're pregnant!" Lena and Sam came over to congratulate them and everyone was grinning. Until the food was ready, Kara kept letting out little squeals of joy and smiling uncontrollably.

"I'm really so excited for you," Sam said when they had all sat down. "And I'm sure if Ruby were here she'd be asking a million questions."

"She's partly to thank for this," Alex said, elbowing Maggie. "I think Mags fell in love with your kid and wanted one of her own."

"It's true," Maggie rolled her eyes. "Where is the teenager?"

"Last week of school," Sam answered, reaching for the salt.

"Sucks." Kara speared an entire baked potato onto her fork and took a bite out of it. "I would've just ditched."

"You can't skip the graduation week," Sam said with chuckle. "I'm heading out there in a day to watch the ceremony. I mean, middle school graduation isn't really a thing but I said I'd be there."

"We'll all go," Alex said, exhilarated from sharing the news. "I could use a break from work."

"Amen." Lena clinked her soda and Alex and took a sip. "And I haven't seen the school since my mother died, so I don't know what my money's gone to."

"You guys don't have to do that," Sam said but she was touched. She had tried so hard to raise Ruby with a network of people around her, knowing her being a single parent would affect her life directly, and she had finally found her family.

"Nonsense. We're going," Kara insisted. "Trip to whatever state is east of here! Nevada!"

"The school is in Utah," Lena said under her breath.

"Trip to Utah!" Kara corrected herself and everyone laughed.

* * *

"So I was thinking," Kara started on their way to the car.

"Uh oh. That's never a good sign," Lena joked, pulling the keys out of her purse.

Pushing her glasses up anxiously, Kara stared off into the distance for so long that the sliver of sunset on the horizon shimmered and sunk below the skyline.

"What's wrong, love?"

"You know you're amazing, right?" Kara said, glancing up at her girlfriend with a shy expression.

"What did you do this time?" Lena laughed, opening the car door.

Kara put out a hand and shut it. "I mean it. You don't take me seriously when I say you are one of the best people I've ever met, inside and out. You're intelligent and creative and you have the kindest heart, and I'm always telling you people will finally see it one day and hate themselves for casting you out."

"That's sweet of you to say." Lena kissed her but her lips didn't move in response. Seeing Kara swallow once, twice, Lena rubbed her shoulders. "Did you break something at work or are you just buttering me up for sex?"

"Lena, listen to me for a second," Kara said firmly. "I gotta get this out because who knows when the timing will be right again."

Lena clicked her tongue and waited for Kara to say something. _What's this about?_

"I know you've had a really hard time settling down here with your family and your company and everyone having preconceived notions about what kind of a person you are." Kara slid her glasses off with shaky fingers and polished them, shoving them back on her face. "I know what it's like, feeling like an outsider. And I'm sorry you had to, but I think you handled it beautifully even though I know it still kills you inside whenever people use your name against you."

 _What's she getting at?_ Lena crossed her arms and nodded at Kara to continue.

"I want you to know that you are the best thing that's ever happened to me," the blonde said simply. "No one could understand the love I have for you, not even you. Certainly not me. And I never knew what love was until I looked into your eyes, and everything I saw was everything I've been looking for without knowing it." She smiled and relaxed, the words like a weight off her chest.

The brunette's heart skipped a beat and she leaned against the car. _There she goes again, disarming me with everything she has._

"You are my entire world." Kara pressed Lena into the car and cupped her waist in her hands, their faces inches apart. "You're the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thought I have before I fall asleep; the way you look at me, the words you say, the glances we share. When you're sad, I feel sad and when you smile it's like there's nothing else in the world that can measure up and all I can see is you. I fell in love with you because of a million things you never knew you were doing; the way your eyebrows twitch when you're feeling too many emotions like they are right now, the way you hold yourself when you know you're wrong but still arguing that you're right, the way your face lights up whenever I walk into the room. No one in the entire universe moves or breathes like you do and I love you."

The words were tumbling out of her mouth, out of her heart, and she didn't want to stop because Lena looked like she was close to tears but her expression said that she had never been happier.

"I could talk to you for hours and never get tired of your voice or your laugh or your smile. I could never get tired of you because when you look at me, I feel like you see me for who I really am and I look at you, and the look in your eyes, and I want to be the person that you see. I want to be that version of Kara Danvers that you love but I don't think she exists anymore because from the moment I knew I loved you I knew it would change me forever."

"What?" Lena breathed, feeling the tears spill over.

"I knew I didn't want to be Kara Danvers anymore." She started speaking faster, growing more and more nervous with each passing second. "I knew I loved you too much for that. I've never loved anything as much as I love you and it scares me because it consumes me. You're all that I think about and when you aren't with me I always feel like a part of me is missing. And I want to make it so that I never have to feel like—like that again."

Lena held her breath. "Who are you if you aren't Kara Danvers? Supergirl?" Her voice shook and Kara bit her lip, faltering at the last second.

"I was thinking...Kara Danvers-Luthor."

All the air from her lungs was sucked out and Lena's lips parted. She started crying even harder and Kara's eyes widened. "Lena?" she said uncertainly.

The brunette was crying too hard to get any coherent words out but her fists thumped against Kara's chest.

"Please say something," Kara said a little desperately, her nerves kicking into high gear.

"D-Damn you, Kara," Lena sobbed out, letting the older woman wrap her in a hug. Her shoulders shook and she sniffled into Kara's neck.

"Lee, you're getting snot all over me. What's wrong? Did I say it wrong?"

"No, you said it perfectly, you—" Lena snapped her mouth shut, feeling a fresh wave of tears. "You make me feel too many things at once and I don't know how to handle it," she said into her girlfriend's shoulder.

"In a good way or a bad way?" Kara was smiling.

Regaining her composure, Lena pushed her away. "You have to ask me," she said, wiping the tears off her cheeks.

"What?"

"I hate you, I didn't wear waterproof mascara. You have to ask me," Lena insisted, looking up as she dried her eyes.

"Oh, right! Um." Now that she had said everything she needed to she wasn't nervous, so she bent down on one knee without hesitating. "Lena Luthor, I love you and your heart of gold. You always say I give too much to the people I love, so now I'm going to be selfish and take something. Your last name. Will you marry me?"

Lena had started crying again but she pulled Kara up to her height. She nodded, her vision blurry with tears. "You would do that for me?"

"I would do anything for you," Kara said seriously.

"You know people hate Luthors."

"I know."

"And you're a Super."

"I am."

"And you might love me now but you could change."

"Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you."

Lena paused, wiping her nose. "Why now?"

"Because of Kal. Clark. What he said back when I was still angry at Alex. I realized that I was wrong, I would've done the same thing for any of my friends. I would have killed him with my bare hands to keep you safe. If it meant saving you, I would tell the whole world who I was."

"Let's not do that." Lena gave her a teary smile.

Kara smiled back but a thought struck her and it melted into a frown.

"What's wrong?"

"You didn't say yes."

"I didn't?"

"You didn't say yes," Kara repeated. "Does that mean you don't want to marry me? Or is it cause I don't have a ring since it was spur-of-the-moment, I wasn't thinking, maybe you wanted me to have a video camera and a nice dinner and I should've done it somewhere better than a parking lot and—"

"Stop rambling." Lena kissed her and this time Kara kissed her back, pushing her up against the side of the car. "Yes," she said breathlessly, "I'll marry you. I don't need all the fancy things, I just need you. Every word is burned into my brain, every moment I spend with you is something I dream about."

"You don't mind marrying an alien, do you?"

"Shut up." Lena spun around and opened the back door. "Get in."

Kara had never gotten into a car so fast.

* * *

"Kara, let me open the door, jesus christ," Alex groaned.

Her sister shook her head, gesturing for her to walk in. "No can do."

"I'm pregnant, not useless."

"I'm not taking any chances," Kara smiled. "It's been about a month since you told us which puts you at six weeks, so everything is gonna start happening for you."

Alex groaned again, checking the chamber of her gun. "You're worse than Maggie, you know that? Don't make me shoot you."

"Wouldn't do much for you anyway," Kara smirked, her hand fiddling with the chain of her necklace. For so long her mother's pendant had hung there all alone, the last reminder of a dying world. But now, clinking next to it was a ring. It was a simple, elegant band, nothing too flashy, except for the brilliant four carat diamond set in the center. She kept it tucked under her suit and under her shirt, but every time she felt it bump against her chest she smiled.

"What's that look for?"

"What look?"

"I know you. That's your 'I did something and I'm trying to keep it a secret but I'll end up telling everyone' face." Alex narrowed her eyes. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! I don't know what you're talking about," Kara said defensively, her hand dropping to her side.

Alex scoffed. "You've been wearing that expression plus a dopey grin for the past month. Try again."

"Okay, okay." Kara pulled her sister into a side closet. "I've been wanting to tell you but I also didn't want to tell you because I told Lena she couldn't tell anyone but I'm gonna tell you."

"Spit it out."

Kara pulled the chain out from her shirt and dangled it in front of Alex.

The agent let out an audible gasp and pointed a finger at the necklace. "That's—"

"I know!"

"You—"

"It's amazing."

"When?"

"A few weeks ago," Kara said, stuffing the ring back into her clothes. "We went ring shopping and then we just went to a little chapel and got it done."

Alex rubbed at her eyes. "Are you telling me that you cheated us all out of the biggest wedding of the _century?!_ "

"Keep your voice down," Kara warned. "And it was enough for both of us."

"Who witnessed it?"

"Some guy on the street. Lena paid him twenty bucks."

"I'm surprised she could afford to pay him anything after that ring."

Kara smiled. "I tried to talk her out of it. The one I got her isn't that expensive."

"What did you get her?" Alex asked, genuinely curious. By the looks of it, the ring her sister was wearing was worth more than her entire life.

"It's made out of nth metal. I flew around til I found an asteroid I liked and broke it open, then made the ring for her with the crystal I found inside."

Alex hugged her sister, chuckling. "You are a hopeless romantic." She was overcome with happiness for Kara; since she'd met Lena Luthor all Kara had talked about was the CEO and she knew how much they meant to each other. As she pulled away from the hug, Alex's hand shot up to cover her mouth.

"Alex?" Kara said, suddenly worried. Her sister held up a finger and didn't say anything, leaning her hands on her knees. A minute passed and she stood back up, letting out a slow breath. "Want to tell me what just happened?"

"Not sure," Alex said shortly. "I just felt sick all of a sudden. Maybe you and Lena are too mushy for me."

Kara's eyes widened and she clapped her hands together, squealing. "Or it's morning sickness!"

"Don't sound so thrilled about it," Alex grumbled as they walked towards J'onn. "What's new?"

J'onn looked her up and down and saw Kara's expression, then crossed his arms. "For you, nothing. You can go home."

"What?!" Alex said incredulously. "This is bullshit. I can still fight!"

"It's got nothing to do with that," J'onn said firmly. "I mean there's nothing to do. You can go too, Supergirl."

"Oh." Alex backed off. "I'm just warning you, if you try to bench me because I'm pregnant I'll shoot you too."

At that, J'onn's face split into a wide grin. "I have no doubt about it. But you two have been working so hard these last few weeks, you deserve a break. Go bother your wives at work, run a marathon if you want. Just stay away from here." He gave them a nod and headed for a conference room.

"I guess he already knew," Kara said with surprise.

"He's a mind reader, Kara. Don't be dumb." Alex pulled out her phone to text her wife and rolled her eyes when she saw two missed calls. "I literally just left her half an hour ago. I gotta go, see you later."

Kara hugged her again. "Are you sure you don't need me to take you there? I can drive, or fly—"

"No," Alex cut her off. _Time for a dose of reality._ "I think it's really cute how you're giddy and head over heels in love, but you have to stop being reckless. That means no more flying people around like you're an Uber, that means no more pictures in the papers of Supergirl picking up coffee and donuts."

"What if I go really, really fast?"

"No, Kara."

"Fine," Kara surrendered. "I'll be more careful." Her hand went up to clasp the chain around her neck and she smiled again, a flash of teeth that she quickly covered. "See you later! Enjoy your day off." She skipped away, humming to herself.

Alex watched her go, her hand on her stomach. _Everything is changing,_ she thought to herself. _I just hope it's for the better._

"Alex, can I have a word?" J'onn popped his head out from the conference room and she looked up.

"I'm about to leave, I promise."

"This is important."

Frowning at his serious tone, Alex followed him into the room. "What's going on?"

J'onn sighed and gestured for her to take a seat. When she was comfortable, he sat across the table from her. "I've been working with you a long time," he said after a pause.

"Since I was in college," Alex reminded him.

"I've been working for the DEO for longer. And I've been thinking lately, with everything going on—Lena Luthor and Kara and Nicholas—I've been thinking about focusing on my future."

"Okay. Anything specific?" Her interest was piqued. As far as she knew, J'onn didn't really have a personal life outside of work, not for her lack of trying. She tried to invite him to a lot of get-togethers but he only showed up to half of them, always claiming to have to deal with work.

"I've been thinking about resigning from the DEO."

Alex found herself speechless for the second time that morning. The DEO without J'onn Jones was like a ship without a captain; he kept everyone together, was the liaison between the aliens and the people that worked together to keep the country safe. No one else had his authority, his centuries of knowledge. "You can't," she said when she got her voice back.

"I think it's best to do it now, when I know there's someone strong to take my place."

"Who? Who here is good enough to do what you do?" She waved around the room. "Who here knows how to keep their calm in an emergency situation, or how to fight any aliens that threaten us?"

J'onn smiled at her. "You."

"Me?" Alex laughed nervously. "I can't take over. It's—I'm—"

"I know you're about to extend your family, Alex, but think about it. This job has been calling you for years. You trained harder than anyone I've ever seen, your close relationship with Supergirl makes you perfect for the job."

"I...I can't," Alex stammered out. "I'm not going to do that to Maggie, to my kid. I can't run into battle and not think about how it will affect them."

J'onn splayed his fingers out on the table. "That's the hard part about being the boss. You aren't on the front lines. You send people out knowing that they might not all make it back. I'm just asking you to consider it, Alex. You're going to be an amazing mother no matter what, but this is a compromise. You can keep your job here, put your training to use, and at the end of the day you can go home to your family."

"But you're always here," Alex pointed out. "You're always fixing things and tracking down aliens."

"That's only because I have no family to go home to," J'onn said sadly. "It won't be like that for you, I promise."

Alex stared at the ceiling trying to force the tears back into her eyes. "I'll think about it," she said quietly. She got up to leave and put her hand on J'onn's shoulder. "Don't think you're alone, J'onn. You have us."


	48. 48) Earth Birthday

"You said you talked to her already?"

"Yes but she's acting all weird and secretive and I don't know why."

Lena paced her office, biting the inside of her cheek. "And she said she was busy this evening?"

"Yeah. I mean it's not that big a deal, Earth birthday, but it's the only one I have." Kara let out a frustrated breath and flipped over her editor's Cat Co. magazine. Exactly six months ago when bombs were detonated underneath National City, sixty three people had died. The issue they were running was a special memorial issue commemorating the civilians and emergency personnel that had lost their lives. A pang of sadness went through her heart when she turned the page—five faces smiled up at her, all agents of the DEO. Their families would never know what they had done for the country, they just thought they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"I'm really sorry baby, but I'm all caught up at work," Lena said, derailing her train of thought. Her ring sparkled on her finger and she turned her hand, admiring the reflections it cast on the walls. The concept that she was wearing something from space still fascinated her every time she thought about it. By a mixture of luck and certain wardrobe choices, the press hadn't caught sight of it yet and she took it off for business meetings, but it was only a matter of time before she slipped up and someone started asking questions. Just the other day she had almost said "my wife" during a television interview and had to catch herself.

Kara stopped rifling the pages. "Yeah, okay," she said slowly.

"Maybe we could do something this weekend?"

"Sure," Kara agreed halfheartedly. She held the phone between her ear and her shoulder and rummaged through her desk drawer.

"Ms. Luthor?"

"Hm?" Her ears perked up when Lena said her name and she bit back a smile, comparing the covers of old magazines to the new one. They looked a little too similar and she wondered if she should go down to the art department.

"I'll see you at home later. Imagine me naked." Lena hung up, leaving Kara to blush in front of Eve as the assistant walked in.

"Is the magazine ready?" Eve said, hanging a dress bag on the door.

"Not quite," Kara said, getting over her embarrassment. "I wanted to check something with the cover and reread the article one more time."

"No problem, give me a shout when you're ready. Oh, and your wife says you have to wear this dress. She can't return it but she's sorry she has to work late." She disappeared with a wave and another grin. She had been ecstatic when Kara had broken the news to her, choosing her as one of a few confidants with the news of their marriage mostly because Eve talked to them both so often and in part to make her own life easier.

With the exception of the art department meeting and reading the article, the next few hours ticked by slowly. She took her time reading but even that was finished too quickly and she was left with nothing to do but go over paperwork, something she had been putting off for days. It was either that or go home to an empty loft and wait for Lena, and god knew what time her wife would get home. She had told Kara about her experimenting with surgical robots and it had sounded fascinating, but now it was taking up all of her time. She got so entrenched in projects that several nights a week Kara would get a text at ten pm saying Lena would be home later or worse, was spending the night at the office.

Sighing, she slid a folder over her desk and opened it, trying to read the numbers by the subscription statistics. Every second felt like an eternity and halfway down the page she closed her eyes, listening to the hum of the office.

At half past seven, Eve knocked on her office door.

"Huhhh?"

"Did you fall asleep?" Eve grabbed the dress bag. "Good thing I came to get you early. Up, up up."

Kara stood, yawning. "Wha's goin' on?"

"You didn't put on the dress," Eve admonished her, pushing her towards the private bathroom. "Take this." Shoving the dress at her she snapped her fingers in Kara's face. "Wake up, your wife is waiting."

At the word 'wife' Kara's eyes shot open. "Lena is waiting? For what?"

"Don't ask questions, just get dressed!" The door shut in her face and Kara stripped her clothes off, staring at herself in the mirror.

It took her a minute and a few splashes of cold water to really wake up. _I thought Lena was working?_ Eve knocked loudly on the door and she stretched. "I'm getting ready," she called out, "though I'm not sure why." Realizing she couldn't reach the zipper she groaned and opened the door. "Eve, can you come zip me up?"

Once Kara was dressed Eve handed her a coffee. "Come on, the car is out front."

"What is this for?" Kara frowned. "Lena has work—"

"Stop playing with your hair and follow me." Eve dragged her out of the office and into the elevator. "You have matching shoes in the car," she said as Kara ducked her head down.

"Why do I feel like I'm being kidnapped?" Kara muttered as the door closed behind her, Eve sliding in from the other side. Everything was happening rather quickly and she still had no idea what was going on, but a little fire of excitement had started in her stomach. She was sitting in the back of a limo in a nice dress and didn't know what to make of it. "Where are we going?"

"Here and there," Eve said vaguely. "Lena told me to not let you overhear anything, whatever that means."

Kara slipped her glasses off and glanced at the side of the car. _Lead lined. Even the windows, no wonder they're blacked out._ "Alright," she said, settling in for the short ride, guessing they were headed for L-Corp. "I guess I'll find out when we get there."

Fifteen minutes later they were still driving and Kara sat up, tempted to roll down the window. "L-Corp isn't this far away."

"We aren't going to L-Corp," Eve said, not looking up from her phone.

"Then how are we meeting up with Lena?"

"Stop worrying," Eve instructed, texting furiously. "We're almost there."

Loud, booming music reached her ears and Kara knit her eyebrows as it got closer and closer. The car rolled to a stop and she went to open the door but Eve blocked her hand. Just as Kara was about to push past her assistant and open the door herself, it swung outward.

"Oliver!"

The green arrow smiled back at her and helped her out of the car. "How was the trip?"

"Trip? I don't understand," Kara said, wrapping her arms around her friend. "You clean up nice."

"Thanks. Felicity forced me into a suit for tonight."

"What's happening tonight?"

Barry came up to them and her smile widened. "It's nice to see you," he said, giving her a hug. "Cisco did a little something something for you," he winked at her.

"But Eve—" Kara glanced back at where the car was but it was already driving off. As she watched, a disruption opened in the middle of the road and they drove right through it, the car disappearing. _Were the blacked out windows more for me or for Eve?_ "How—have you seen my, uh, my friend? Lena?" She tried to gain her bearings, tilting her head back to look at the building they were gathered outside. " _Verdant_ ," she read the neon sign aloud.

"Your friend?" Oliver said in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "You mean the one you're married to?"

"You—I—wait, who told you?" Kara stammered, her hand reaching for the chain around her neck. "Was it Alex?"

"No but your sister's already here. And don't worry, I told Cisco not to serve her anything," he said in a low voice.

"Alex wouldn't drink it anyway," Kara said automatically. "Wait, Lena is here? On Earth One?"

Barry shrugged. "I dropped by and we had a little meet and greet. She's the one who arranged all this, she's waiting inside and talking to all the guests."

"All the guests? What's going on?" Kara pushed her glasses up and was about to head for the door when Felicity ran up to them.

"Hey girl!" The older blonde woman tackled her with a hug. "Let me see, let me see!" she squealed, fingering Kara's necklace. "I've been talking to your wife and she is the smartest person I've ever met. Like, ever."

Fishing the ring out from under her collar, Kara mirrored Felicity's excitement. "I think so, too." When she went to hide it again, Felicity stopped her.

"Don't bother. It's beautiful, oh my god! You could buy an island with that rock. Come on, your party's already started!"

" _My_ party?"

She pulled Kara into the nightclub without answering, leaving Barry and Oliver outside to greet any late comers.

Inside the club the lights were dim and multi-colord strobes flashed at her from the corners of the room. She scanned the room for her wife and saw a lot of people from Earth One—Caitlin, Sara, Iris, John Diggle—but Lena was nowhere to be seen. Her mother and father were standing to the side talking to Maggie and her sister and she joined them when Felicity announced she was going for a drink.

"Hey! It's so great to see you!"

"You are in a lot of trouble, young lady." Jeremiah wagged a finger at her.

"Why?" Kara shot her sister a glance and Alex smirked at her from behind a club soda.

Eliza pointed at the ring hanging from her neck. "You didn't call, you didn't write, you didn't even send me a text to let me know you got married?!"

"It wasn't that big a deal, mom," Kara said, but she was smiling. "We already acted like we were married, it was just a little ceremony."

Eliza scoffed but kissed her forehead. "Well, thank god for Lena Luthor is all I can say."

"Where is she?" Kara asked, looking around again. The music dropped to a lower volume and Jeremiah took her arm, walking her to a makeshift stage. She waited with baited breath for something to happen and after a moment's pause as the guests shuffled around, it did.

Lena walked out from behind a curtain and Kara's eyes widened. The red dress she had on was a low-cut, off the shoulder, beautiful number that accentuated her curves in all the right places and her father elbowed her gently.

"You're staring at her boobs," he muttered.

"Dad!" No one heard him, everyone was too busy staring at Lena.

"Hello everyone," she greeted the small crowd. "I wanted to say thanks for coming out tonight."

"Yeah, no kidding," Alex snickered and Maggie kissed her cheek.

"I also wanted to say good work on keeping this a secret from someone with super powers; x-ray vision and super hearing are a hard thing to avoid when planning a surprise party." Everyone chuckled and Kara inhaled sharply but a glance around the room didn't reveal any shocked faces. In fact, everyone that was there was either a superhero themselves or knew she was Supergirl.

Lena was staring at her and she saw the shift in Kara's expression when she realized. _Tonight you don't have to hide_. "And before I make her come up here, I'm letting everyone here know that she's off the market," she said proudly. "And for those of you dumb enough to try it, if I see you flirting with my wife I'll sue you." The crowd laughed again, a slightly more nervous sound than before at the fiercely protective expression on Lena's face. "Anyway," the CEO said, holding out a glass of champagne, "Think of this as a birthday and wedding party mixed into one. Here's to the birthday girl!"

Jeremiah gave his daughter a push towards the spotlight and she stumbled forward, Lena catching her arm with a laugh. "Hi, darling," she said, so quietly that no one else heard. She took a sip of champagne and gave her a quick kiss. The taste lingered on Kara's lips. "One more thing." With her free hand she slipped Kara's glasses off. "You don't need those tonight."

"I thought you were working?" Her brain finally caught up with her body and she let out a breath. Lena was here. On Earth One, with all of her friends and celebrating her birthday.

"I'm a good liar."

Kara stepped up and smiled, barely containing her giggling laughter. "I don't really have anything prepared because I didn't know this was happening. Kudos to all of you for pulling it off." She took a look around the room and swallowed, her heart growing in her chest. "Thanks for everything; J'onn, my family, Lena, Oliver—for lending us his club."

"I offered to rent it for the night but he refused," Lena interjected with a stare at the burly man.

"It's a favor to a friend. And renting out my entire club with an open bar can be a hefty bill," Oliver shrugged.

Sam, who was still getting acclimated to all the supers in the room, held her hand up. "I, for one, can attest that there's no price too high for Lena if it's for Kara."

Kara blushed as Lena looked offended in the corner. Her hand went up to fix her glasses but they were still in Lena's hands and she let it fall down to her side. "It's been a hard year, but we're all here and we're all together so let's not waste time listening to me ramble on."

"You're the worst rambler I've ever met," Maggie called out, cupping her hands around her mouth.

Kara rolled her eyes and clapped her hands together. "Alright, happy birthday to me," she said and received a collective cheer. "Now everyone go party!"

Everyone dispersed and she walked over to Sam. "Didn't bring the kid?"

"Past her bed time," Sam explained. "Plus, I think the farthest I'll let her go on her own is down the block. Another Earth? No chance in hell."

Oliver and Lena joined them and Kara had to bite her lip when Lena stood next to her; she rested a hand on the small of Lena's back in lieu of jumping her bones then and there. With a suggestive smile, Kara's hand slid down further and grabbed her ass. She was rewarded with her wife's sharp inhale and Lena quickly started a conversation.

"I can still write you a check, Mr. Queen."

"Oliver, please. And it's not necessary, Kara's a friend."

"Lena spends money on her friends, just warning you," Sam said in a snarky voice.

"Oh yeah?" Oliver turned to Sam. "I bought Felicity a car."

"Nice try. Lena bought two," Sam smirked and it was Lena's turn to roll her eyes.

The banter was on. Oliver saw his wife across the room and looked back at Sam. "I donated a hundred thousand dollars to her college—MIT."

"Kara's ring is worth more than that, and Lena graduated early from MIT."

"Alright, that's enough," Lena said as Kara gaped.

"I gave my wife a job at my company," Oliver fired back.

"Lena spent eight hundred million dollars buying Cat Co. and then put Kara in charge."

Oliver opened his mouth to say something then closed it in defeat. "You have me beat there," he said good-naturedly to the CEO, holding his hand out to shake.

"Glad to hear it," Lena grinned, her grip firm. Her wife was still gaping at her and Oliver patted her on the back.

"You can train us to spend less money," he whispered in her ear. "Talk to Felicity later. Samantha," he raised his voice. "A little birdy told me you went to MIT as well."

"I did," Sam said warily.

"Come meet my wife. I hope you like nerds, because this one's a doozy." With a nod to Kara and Lena he excused himself and brought Sam over to Felicity. The blonde woman was talking fast, her hands moving animatedly around her face, and she hugged Sam like they had been best friends for years.

"How long have you been planning this?" Kara turned to her wife.

Lena had a smug look on her face. "When your friend Barry showed up in your apartment two weeks ago, he had a _lot_ of explaining to do."

"Two weeks? How has everyone kept this from me for two weeks?!"

"You're not as observant as you think, darling." Lena undid the clasp on Kara's necklace, sliding the sparkling diamond onto her ring finger. "Just for tonight," she smiled. "I want everyone to know you're mine."

Kara stared at it, her lips pursed. _A hundred thousand dollars for a—_ "I'm not even gonna ask," she said primly. "Do you want something to drink?"

"I'm good with bubbly," Lena waved her glass. "I brought your alien liquor from home, I found it in the cupboard." She pointed to the bar. "Cisco has it. I'm mad you didn't introduce me to your friends sooner. Thirty-eight earths? It's like a dream come true for a scientist."

"Oh yeah?" Kara leaned forward and kissed her. Thankfully, her heels were tall and Kara had on flats so they were almost the same height but she still had to tilt her head back. Kara's tongue was running across her lips and down her throat and her body relaxed in her arms; the champagne glass slanted, spilling the golden liquid onto the floor. Lena's eyes opened a fraction when she heard it dripping, then widened.

"Kara." She pushed the blonde away amid sounds of protest. "Your parents are coming over here."

Kara's face went from hurt to beet red in two seconds. "Whoops. Hang on, why do _you_ look so nervous?"

"I haven't seen them since you almost died and I didn't tell them we got married," Lena muttered under her breath. "And they don't know their daughter married a murderer," she added as an afterthought.

"You are not a murderer," Kara hissed. "I know you say that as a joke now, but one day someone's gonna hear it out of context and—Mom, hi!" She watched Lena hug her parents, her hands fidgeting. She twisted the ring around and around her finger, not meeting their eyes.

"I'm so sorry I didn't call or anything," Lena said when they broke apart. "I meant to, I just got so busy with work and—"

"Nonsense. At least you meant to," Eliza waved away her apology. "Kara here didn't even _think_ to let us know," she said and her adopted daughter turned redder.

"It was callous and unthinkable and I promise nothing like it will ever happen again," Lena tried, the courtesy instilled in her from a young age peeking through.

Eliza raised an eyebrow. "It seems like my daughter made a good decision, marrying you. Maybe now we'll get actual Christmas cards instead of a text on December thirtieth," she said, making light of Lena's apology.

"Mom!" Kara protested as her parents laughed.

"Did you like the videos I sent?"

Lena's laughter made her smile and she almost forgot her embarrassment. "I'll never forgive you for that," Kara said haughtily.

"I also have some from when she went sledding as a kid and Alex and her father made her pull them up the hill." Eliza was already pulling out her phone and Lena was looking over her shoulder.

"I'm getting a drink," Kara groaned, heading for the bar.

Jeremiah kissed his wife and followed. "Right behind you."

Once they were alone Eliza turned to Lena with a grateful expression on her face. "I never truly thanked you for what you've done for my family."

"It's nothing," Lena said, but a strange feeling started in her chest. _Is this what validation feels like? This thing I've been searching for my whole life?_ She had never thought of Eliza as a mother figure to her but her heart was telling her otherwise. Kara's whole family had always been welcoming to her from the first moment, and like mother like daughter, Eliza Danvers was looking at her with love in her eyes.

"No, it's not. You alone are the reason that my family isn't half of what it was. First my husband, then my daughter."

"I love her," Lena said simply. Over by the bar Kara was laughing with Cisco and her father and the noise echoed across the room. She watched her wife drain another shot and chuckled to herself when Kara coughed, not used to the alcohol burning her throat. "I'd do anything for her."

"I'm sure she appreciates you throwing her this party. If I know Kara, she'll have something heartfelt to say later when you two are alone."

Lena nodded, sipping her champagne. "She certainly is good with words." She was thinking of the speeches Supergirl had given the city since the first night of her appearance and the articles Kara had written, always eloquent and from the heart.

"Yes, Kara's always had a knack for saying exactly how she felt. Alex, on the other hand," Eliza chuckled. "She sooner knock you out then talk about her feelings."

"Oh, I know, believe me." There was a pause and then they both started speaking at the same time.

"I meant to ask—"

"Do you think I could—"

"You go," Eliza said, gesturing for her to continue.

"No, you."

Kara's mother pursed her lips. "My daughters said you had some trouble a while ago."

"Daughters, plural?"

"Alex does call me occasionally and when you and Kara broke up we talked every night." Eliza explained. "So I know about the drugs."

The drugs. She said it like it was nothing. Like it didn't make Lena weak or disgusting or pathetic. "You do." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yes. But I also heard from Alex that the man you brought to her wedding was...not a decent man, to say the least."

Lena swallowed. "How much do you know about that?"

"Enough that I'd like to offer my medical services. I'm no physical therapist or orthopedic surgeon, but it sounds like you went through quite a bit. If you ever experience any pain or have any questions, feel free to give me a call." Eliza handed her a business card with a smile. "Free of charge, of course. You're my fourth daughter, and the other three have a knack for getting bruised and banged up. Don't hesitate to call," she emphasized. "What were you going to say?"

Palming the card, Lena put her half-empty glass on a passing waiter's tray. "I think you just answered my question." She was going to ask Kara's mother if she wanted her to treat her like her own mother but the kind, older woman had called her "daughter" without a hint of apprehension upon welcoming a Luthor into her family. Her throat closed up and Eliza, who's motherly intuition was honed more than anyone's, pulled her in for a hug.

"You look beautiful," she said to Lena, rubbing her back. "I'm glad you found your way back to my daughter. You deserve each other."

"You really think that?" Lena said, trying to hold back tears.

"Mom, you made her cry!" Kara pouted and tugged at Lena's arm, already tipsy.

Lena wiped at her eyes and smiled at Eliza. "Happy tears. Are you drunk?"

"No," Kara said defiantly. "I am _getting_ drunk. It's my late wedding party," she said as an explanation, a slur slipping into her voice, "And I plan on kissing my wife right now so don't watch, mom."

Lena's body quivered in anticipation and she completely forgot that Eliza was standing right next to them as Kara devoured her lips with heavy, deep kisses that filled her senses. All she saw, breathed and tasted was Kara. When she looked back, the older woman had disappeared. "That's some strong stuff," Lena remarked, holding Kara upright.

Nodding, Kara finished off her glass and Lena took it from her. "More."

"More alcohol?" Lena raised an eyebrow.

"Yes." Kara tiled her head. "And more kissing." She bit down on Lena's neck and the brunette let out a gasp.

"Kara, we're in public."

"Then let's go somewhere not public."

Glancing around the party, Lena spotted Oliver at the bar and dragged Kara by the hand. "Oliver. Can you do another favor for a friend?"

"Of course," he said easily. "What is it?"

"Nothing big, I just need a room. A private room, preferrably." Lena jerked her thumb back to point at Kara, who was leaning heavily on Felicity's shoulder.

"You smell really good," she was saying. "I wish I smelled that good. Does Oliver get any work done or does he just smell your hair all the time?" She grabbed the bottle of Aldebaran rum and poured herself another shot, downing it. "Lena, I want sex," she complained loudly.

"Up the stairs to the left, third door on the right." Oliver handed her a key card and smirked. "I've never seen her drunk. It's good to see her cut loose. Have fun, kids."

 _I'm a little worried, to be honest._ Lena smiled wordlessly but it didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you." She led Kara away and up the stairs, fending off the blonde's advances. Once they were in the room, Kara tried again with renewed vigor and Lena had a harder time resisting.

In her drunken state, Kara misjudged her strength and ripped Lena's dress all the way up the side, pulling it over her head. "You're so pretty," she mumbled, kissing her stomach. "I'm really glad you wanted to marry me, I was afraid you'd say no."

"Kara, hang on. You—" Kara's lips were burning against her skin and she bit back back a moan. She propped herself up on an elbow and pushed Kara's head away. "Did you not like the party?"

"I'm liking it just fine," Kara mumbled against her neck, trying to kiss her mouth but missing by a few inches.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kara said, but she sat back, reaching for the bottle. Lena plucked it from her hands and she looked around for it.

"Kara, look at me." Setting the bottle down on the nightstand, she cupped her wife's face in her hands. "Something's wrong. You don't drink, not like this."

"Maybe I do," Kara said harshly, but she crossed her arms and stopped trying to kiss her.

"No, you don't, because of your sister. Talk to me. What's bothering you?"

"Nothing," Kara repeated, but a tear slipped down her cheek. Her eyes were blurry from drinking and it looked like she wasn't all there.

Worry shot through her like a lightning bolt and Lena rubbed away the tear, her heart slamming against her rib cage. "Hey, hey. What's wrong, love? You can tell me anything."

The silence in the room was only broken by Kara's quiet whisper. "It was so bad."

"The kryptonite?" Kara shuddered at the word, a shudder that shook her entire frame, and she suddenly looked so small and alone that Lena felt an ache in her heart. "Cuddle," Lena said, pulling the sheets back. Kara slipped under the quilt and Lena took her place behind her, wrapping an arm around her stomach. "What do you need?"

"Just hold me."

Lena tangled their legs together and wound her fingers with Kara's, pulling her closer. "I thought your nightmares stopped."

"Sometimes. Sometimes not." Kara sniffled and Lena kissed the back of her neck.

"What are the nightmares of?"

Closing her eyes, Kara tried to blot out the sounds and senses but it all came rushing back. "Pain. Choking on my own blood." Her voice trembled. "I kept throwing up blood and each time I thought, 'this is it. There's nothing left in my body. There can't be, because it's all on the floor in front of me.'" She rolled over and faced her wife and Lena smelled the alcohol on her breath. "You know what I'm talking about."

"Yes," Lena said carefully. "Sometimes I have nightmares. Sometimes I can barely remember the pain because I wasn't really there. Whenever they would come to my room, I always found a way out, in my mind. In my mind, I was with you. In my mind, we were living together and you always wanted ice cream for breakfast. In my mind, I was happy."

Kara's eyes were staring into hers, wide and red and vulnerable. "Are you happy now?"

"I'm happy as long as I'm with you. Get some sleep, I'll be here in the morning."

* * *

Lena opened her eyes and squinted at the clock. _2:52 am._ Something had woken her up and she sighed, shutting her eyes. That was one of the best night's sleep she'd had in the last month; no nightmares, no staying up late working, and she was going in at noon instead of eight-thirty.

Next to her Kara whimpered, the same sound that had woken her up, and she reached over to shake her, her limbs heavy with sleep. "Wake up. You're dreaming."

The older woman whimpered again, louder, and twisted herself into the sheets. Her forehead was beaded with sweat and Lena sat up, concern flooding her veins. It was months ago that Kara had nearly died but only recently were her nightmares getting worse, happening more frequently. _Delayed PTSD?_

"Hurts," Kara said in a choked voice and her fingers ripped through the bed sheet.

"Kara, wake up," Lena said, more desperately than before. Kara started tossing and turning and Lena climbed on top of her, her hands pressing the blonde's shoulders down. "Please." She tried to hold her still, barely able to contain the thrashing woman. "Please, please wake up."

A strangled cry burst out of Kara's lips and her body surged upwards, throwing Lena off balance. She barely caught herself from falling off the bed and slid back on top of Kara, shaking her roughly. Her expression and her body language said quite clearly that she was in pain and Lena turned on the bedside lamp, looking around frantically for something to wake her up with. Nothing was in sight and she wracked her brain, trying to think through the terrible sounds coming from her wife.

Kara was screaming; horrible, inhuman noises that were ripping Lena's insides apart. Her mind blanked and she slapped her, hard, across the face. "Kara!"

Her scream cut off and her eyes snapped open but there was something wrong. Lena was face to face with her own invention, glowing blue eyes like Jeremiah's. A second passed and the blue intensified into white, and she realized she was staring directly at the kryptonian's heat vision.

She froze, like a deer in headlights, her eyes widening. Her voice died in her throat and her mouth went dry. _She could kill me right now. The woman I love could kill me in her sleep._ She had no idea what to do and only half a second to decide.

Her lips crashed against Kara's mouth and she squeezed her eyes shut, the bright light still shining through her eyelids. She waited for a second, then another, to feel the heat that would burn through her skull like it had burned through the sand on the beach so long ago. She thought of the piece of glass she always carried with her that she had picked up off the sand and how her heart would always beat for the woman who had created it.

A few more seconds passed and Lena slowly opened her eyes to see Kara staring back at her. Her eyes were shot through with white, making them seem cloudy. As they cleared and returned to their normal sky-blue, Kara took a shuddering breath, her eyes not leaving Lena's face.

"Lena?" she said in a hoarse voice, scrambling back. Her shoulders hit the headboard and it cracked. Her chest heaved, still in the throes of her dream. "Where are we?"

"Earth One." Lena carefully put a hand on Kara's chest, feeling the shivers that ran up and down the reporter's body. Her hands were in tight fists on the bed, her fingers digging into the blanket.

"Earth One?" Kara echoed. "When...the party." She closed her eyes, shutting out Lena's worried look. "I can't remember."

"You were having a nightmare, I was trying to wake you up," Lena said slowly. "There wasn't another way, you were screaming and I couldn't stand it—"

"Stop. Please don't—don't look at me right now," Kara whispered brokenly, turning her head away. Lena heard her sniffle and her heart contracted painfully.

"Don't look at you? I want to help you, love." Lena sighed tiredly and caressed Kara's cheek. "Be honest. They aren't getting any better, are they?"

Kara hesitated then gave in, nodding. "I can usually wake myself up and let you sleep. I guess I was too drunk tonight."

"Not usually."

"What?" Kara's eyes flashed and she raised her head.

Lena brought her hand down Kara's jaw, her expression sympathetic. "I usually have to wake you up and you don't remember what happened the next day."

"Oh." She swallowed and Lena watched her throat move up and down. "I don't remember you waking me up?"

"No."

"I always remember the pain," Kara said in a small voice and Lena kissed her forehead.

It was moments like this, moments when Kara flinched away from a pain that was no longer there, moments when she sounded like the whole world was beating her down, that she felt she was vindicated for killing Nicholas. She knew she would've done the same thing, every time, even thought she still struggled with a deep-rooted self-hatred for what she had done.

"First thing when we get back, I'll try to make something to help you sleep."

"Like a potion?"

Lena smiled in the dark, pulling Kara closer. "Just like a potion. Now relax. Everything is going to be okay."

* * *

 _ **[6 months later]**_

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Alex screamed, crushing Maggie's hand in her fist.

"Jesus chr—come on, you're fine, you're doing great," Maggie said for the fiftieth time. The panic of rushing to the hospital from the middle of work was starting to wear off, the anticipation of what was about to happen setting in.

Alex threw her head back, the veins standing out in her neck. "Why did I let you talk me into this?" she hissed at her wife, looking like a feral cat with her teeth bared.

"This was your idea, I just went along with—okay, okay! Keep breathing, that's it." She winced as Alex squeezed harder. "You're almost there. How's it looking?" she said to the nurse who was down by Alex's legs.

"Good. I can see the head, you just need to keep pushing."

"What the fuck do you think I'm doing!?" Alex growled, her teeth snapping together.

"Breathe!" Maggie had to shout to be heard.

" _You_ breathe!" Alex yelled back, her head slamming into the pillow. "Mother fuckeraahhhh!"

Outside the delivery room, Kara winced. "Sounds like a war zone in there." She turned to her wife with wide eyes, pacing back and forth.

"No kidding." Lena sipped her coffee and watched Kara wince as another scream came through the door.

"They've been at it for almost two hours," Kara said dubiously. "What if something's wrong?"

"We would've heard it by now. You would have heard it by now. Two hours is perfectly normal, now stop pacing and sit down, you're making me nervous."

"I wonder what it'll look like." Kara crossed her arms but didn't stop moving.

Lena snorted into her coffee. "With any luck, it'll look like Alex. Genetics are a powerful thing."

"I've only ever seen Kal as a baby and it was so long ago..." She stared through the door but kept her glasses on—Alex had instructed her not to watch because she didn't think she would be able to live down Kara seeing her give birth.

"I always wanted kids," Lena blurted out, surprising both of them.

"Really?" Kara's eyes flew open. "You never said anything."

"I never let myself say anything," Lena sighed. "You grow up the sister of the most infamous villain on the planet...motherhood gets pushed aside. The idea of it, anyway. What about you?"

"What about me?" Kara had finally stopped pacing, her hands playing with her necklace.

"Have you ever thought about having children?" Lena gauged her reaction, realizing that she had never talked about this with Kara. Maybe there were a few important conversations they needed to have now that they were married.

Kara bit her lip. "I never really thought about it, no."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." Kara shook her head. "I always thought I'd end up with a guy, or alone, and I don't think I can even get...y'know...pregnant."

"What about now?"

A baby's cry broke through their conversation and both women shot to their feet. A minute later a nurse opened the door and smiled at their expressions.

"You can go in."

They filed into the room and Kara's heart melted.

Alex's face, usually tight with stress or worry, was covered with sweat and still flushed but she had a glow that Kara hadn't seen since the night Jeremiah had disappeared. It was an expression of youthful innocence and pure joy and her eyes were crinkled in a smile as she held her son. Maggie was sitting on the edge of the bed, not even trying to hold back her tears.

"He's perfect," Kara breathed, standing at the foot of the bed.

"Of course he is," Alex cooed, playing with his toes. "Do you want to hold him?"

Kara's face transformed into a fearful one and she backed up, bumping into Lena. "Oh, no. I'm afraid I'll squeeze too hard or hurt him or he'll start crying—"

"I want to," Lena cut her off. "If you'll let me," she added, glancing at Alex.

Alex held him out to her without hesitation and she almost cried at the trust Kara's sister placed in her. She carefully supported the tiny body with her arms.

"Hi," she whispered, the heat from the newborn soaking into her arms. "I'm your aunt. I can't wait til you get older and your moms kill me for spoiling you." She made an exaggerated face at the baby and looked up at her wife.

The look of wonder on Lena's face made Kara fall even more in love with her. The feeling in her chest, in her stomach, that was what people killed and fought and started wars over. She wanted to give Lena everything, anything that would make the damaged, vulnerable woman happy. If Lena asked her for the stars, she would kill herself to bring them down from the sky. If Lena asked her for a house, she would build one then and there with her own hands. If she asked her for a family, she would agree without the slightest hesitation.

"What's his name?" Kara asked as Lena handed him back to his mother.

Alex kissed her son's head and met Kara's eyes, Maggie's hand resting on her shoulder. "It was Maggie's idea."

"What did you pick?" Kara switched focus and the cop swallowed, not taking her eyes off the baby.

"We named him Winn."

Kara's chest tightened and she reached out a hand. Lena knew what she needed and grabbed it, held it tightly until the bands around her chest loosened and she could inhale. Blowing the air out of her lungs, she gave her sister a teary smile.

"He's perfect."

* * *

so what are the thoughts on time jumping? I've gotten a few requests to do an AU and that's the one I've been working on, and this one is coming to an end. lmk!


	49. 49) PTSD

"How's my favorite nephew?" Kara said in a baby voice, blowing a raspberry into Winn's stomach. She had quickly gotten over her initial fear of hurting him when, the second time she came around to visit, he had thrown his bowl of peas at her head.

"He's your only nephew," Alex muttered, covering her eyes with an extra baby blanket. "Now be quiet and let me sleep."

"Out here? On the floor?"

Alex groaned and lifted the corner of the blanket. "I could fall asleep literally anywhere. Just give me a minute of silence."

"But I haven't really spent any time with you in weeks." A disappointed frown was making its way across Kara's face and she glanced at the clock. "It's only seven in the evening."

"And what day is it?"

"Uh...January fourteenth?"

Alex snorted, letting the blanket fall back across her face. "Not the date, dummy, the _day._ "

"Monday?"

"Exactly. Monday's the day I go in early because everything goes wrong on Sunday when I leave early. I've been up since six—four, if you count waking up to watch Winn."

"But I miss you," Kara said petulantly, and for a second Alex wanted to tell her she sounded a lot like her six-month old but she didn't.

"It's seven. Maggie's in the middle of a mission so I just need you to watch him for a little tonight so I can get some sleep, cause she probably won't be back until tomorrow."

Kara pouted. "I thought you missed me."

"I do miss you, Kar. I'm just so, so insanely tired..." Her older sister trailed off and as Kara waited for her to finish her sentence, her breathing slowed.

"Wow, your mom is a really hard worker," Kara whispered to Winn. "At least I get you all to myself now." Falling easily into the routine, she heated up a bottle of formula and milk and started feeding him, watching the news. When Lena's face popped onto the screen, Kara smiled, then frowned.

" _Lena Luthor is back in the spotlight because of a few remarks earlier today. When asked about the glittering rock on her finger, National City's local billionaire used to dodge the question and change the subject. Today, however, she let slip that the ring on her finger is, quote, 'priceless, but nothing compared to the woman who gave it to me'. Does this confirm all the theories that she and Cat Co. CEO, Kara Danvers, had a private ceremony? And why haven't we seen a ring on the blonde woman's finger?"_

"Uh oh. I'm in trouble." Kara booped the tiny nose in front of her, smiling at the suckling noises Winn was making. "I gotta start wearing my ring now, but hopefully I remember to take it off cause I'm a superhero and that would be bad."

Winn stared back at her with his mother's brown eyes and she let out a sigh. Here was someone, albeit an infant, that she could speak freely with.

"Cause I'm a superhero and if people found out that I loved Lena Luthor, they would try to kill her and if that happened..." her voice wavered and she thought of her mother and father, and all the people she had lost since then. "And if that happened, then I don't know who I would be anymore. People always tell me to be my own hero, but I'm no one without the people I love. You can't be a hero all on your own."

The eyes staring at her didn't change, didn't blink, and she kissed his head, cradling him in her arms carefully, so, so carefully. Holding that tiny, defenseless, breakable soul made her breath catch as she thought about the outside world; he would grow up and have his heart broken a few times and struggle to find his place in the world, but it would be worth it. And he would never grow up without two loving parents and two, if not more, doting aunts because she would protect her family.

At quarter to eight, Lena knocked on the door. Kara let her in, Winn sleeping in the crook of her elbow.

"Hi darling. You're adorable." The CEO kissed her wife and caught sight of Alex lying flat on the floor, and her expression softened even more. "I guess being a mom really takes it out of you." She slid her thick, wool coat off and draped it over Alex's body. The director sighed and rolled over and Kara's crinkle formed.

"She's working herself too hard."

With a knowing smile, Lena held her arms out and Kara, careful not to wake the baby, handed him to her wife. He moved ever so slightly and Lena gasped, afraid she had done something wrong.

"I want one."

Kara kissed her wife. "With any luck, we'll have one soon." She had gone to all the doctor's appointments with Lena and held her hand and kissed her afterwards. Something nagged at the back of her mind, something about tomorrow, and she shook her head.

Lena raised an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Kara waved her away. "Have some time with the baby, I'm going to watch Alex." She felt an undeniable _need_ to be with her sister, her family.

Wrapped up in Winn's soft baby snores, Lena walked to the kitchen. "We can leave around ten-thirty, to let her get some sleep."

"Or so you can steal her baby," Kara joked quietly, watching Lena watching Winn. The brunette's expression had nothing but love in it and Kara almost cried from the sheer wave of emotion.

Emotion and exhaustion, because just like her sister, she hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep in weeks either. Lena was still working on something to help her but even the sharpest mind in the country was having trouble whipping up Ambien for a super human. Either Kara burned through it too fast or it kept her under during the nightmares, and that was bad for both of them. Those were the nights when Kara would wake up screaming and Lena would have to coax her back to reality with soothing touches and soft words and every morning she would get up just as early, sometimes not sleeping at all. It was taking a toll on the both of them and Lena was working herself to the bone to find something to help, her own project pushed off for the time being.

Because the only thing that really mattered to her, in the end, was Kara.

* * *

Maggie's eyes followed the second hand on her watch, impatient and hungry. It was late and her thoughts turned to her wife and her son, who were no doubt waiting for her at home. Alex had much more regular hours now that she was the director of the DEO and she needed it because Winn kept them both up half the night. But Maggie wasn't chief of anything, so she found herself on the back end of an eight hour stake out. Through her binoculars all she could see was a group of men sitting at a table, a briefcase open in front of them.

"C'mon, show me something I can shoot you for," she muttered. Next to her, Davidson chuckled.

"Still as impatient as ever, Mags. Motherhood hasn't changed that about you."

She glared at him but something caught her eye and she saw one of the men stand up. "We have movement. Alpha team, are you in place?" The tip off about the bomb had been anonymous but after last year's Cadmus attack, no one was taking any chances.

"Copy."

Heavy breathing over the comms filled her ears as she adjusted her grip on the rifle pushed into her shoulder, her training running through her mind. Breathe out when you squeeze the trigger. Stop him before he can hit the detonate button. For the love of god, don't shoot the explosives. Time had no meaning anymore, not since he'd stood up. The thirty floors above him were filled with unsuspecting civilians but Maggie couldn't fire until she knew nothing would go off.

"Come on, come on, come on."

Something red and blue flashed in front of her scope and her finger tightened in surprise, almost sending a bullet in her sister-in-law's direction.

"What the fuck was that?" Davidson yelled. "Move in!"

"Wait!" Maggie threw out a hand to stop her partner from jumping to his feet and giving away their position.

Kara had just crashed through the door, unknowingly crossing Maggie's line of fire, and grabbed the man nearest to her. The ensuing scuffle only lasted a few seconds but Maggie could already tell something was off.

Kara never rushed into situations like that. Kara never made stupid decisions without thinking of the consequences, especially not if the consequences were hundreds of people dying. Was it her imagination or did the superhero seem different, distracted? Using the scope of her rifle, she looked around desperately for something to explain what had just happened, why Kara hadn't waited for more information. It felt like a lifetime but it was only half a minute before she found what she was looking for.

"Red kryptonite?" Maggie's breath caught in her chest. "Everybody out! Get back!" The confused SWAT team and other officers swarmed the streets, not seeing what she could.

"Sawyer, report. What's going on?" Tim's voice, steady and loud in her ear.

"I'm going in. Nobody else follow me." She stood up, the gun and the binoculars falling from her hands. Where was Alex at a time like this?

Alex was at home, taking care of their son. Alex didn't know her sister had been exposed to something deadly. Deadly for the city and everyone in it.

Alex wasn't there to talk her sister down or use a massive, alien-powered gun to snap her out of it.

Maggie was.

She tore out of the mini-bunker she and her partner had erected and across the street, following the same path Kara had taken to the basement door, her feet pounding the pavement. She saw the planted red K as she entered the building and yelled at someone to "Grab that and get out!" The last time Kara had been in contact with the red element, she had terrorized the city. When Maggie burst through the door, Kara whipped around, the detonator clenched in the super human's fist, the men lying at her feet.

Her eyes had sparks of red in them and Maggie swallowed, thinking her way through hours of negotiation training in half a second.

"Supergirl, you need to listen to me. You've been exposed to red kryptonite, you're not thinking clearly."

Kara was gone at the word 'kryptonite.' No one knew, no one could've known that today of all days was the same day her mother had sent her away. Not even Kara knew the date of that last, tearful goodbye, she just felt it in her bones, saw it in her nightmares. January fifteenth. She always needed to be alone, needed to fly; she had left Lena still sleeping in bed that morning to satisfy the dull, annual ache she could never put her finger on. She had never been near kryptonite in any form on that day, not until today, and it showed now. "Get away from me," she hissed, her eyes darting around. She glanced at Maggie and then quickly away, as if she wasn't there.

"Listen to my voice. It's me, it's Maggie." Pulling the comm out of her ear and cutting off Tim's yelling, she took a step forwards and lowered her voice. "Kara, focus on me."

The younger woman shook her head, moving so quickly that all Maggie saw was a blur.

"Are you still having nightmares? I thought Lena was giving you something for that." Kara's head jolted to a stop and Maggie pressed her advantage. "You know Lena, she's probably waiting for you at home right now." _Like Alex is waiting for me. Alex trusts me with her sister._ Another step closer and Maggie started noticing things she couldn't see from far away.

The hero's suit was wrinkled, like she'd been wearing it non-stop for days. Like she'd been sleeping in it. But the bags under her eyes were proof that she hadn't been sleeping at all. Her skin was pale and if she squinted, Maggie could see her skinnier frame; cheekbones prominent against her face, her elbows sharper, her torso slimmer. Just two days ago Kara had dropped by the station with donuts for everyone and she had seemed tired, but Maggie had thought nothing of it. Hadn't thought to ask if she was doing alright with her PTSD now that Alex was spending less and less time with her sister. It was definitely affecting the older Danvers. Stubborn as always, Alex had jumped right back into work, breastfeeding her son as she gave orders from the control room. Maggie could see it in the tired set of Alex's shoulders when she called Kara each night, too exhausted from taking care of Winn to do anything but fall asleep, only to be woken up hours later by his crying.

Something flickered behind Kara's eyes at her wife's name but a moment later it was burned away. "Everyone is—dying," she whispered, her eyes full of agony. She saw fire ravaging her once-green planet, husks of homes going up in smoke as people fled the hungry flames.

"No one is dying," Maggie said in a calm voice, unaware of the level of Kara's delirium. She made a mental note; get Alex to force her sister to see someone. She'd suspected Kara was lying about being 'fine' for a while but didn't want to pry, leaving the kryptonian to her own devices. Clearly it had been the wrong choice. "No one is dying because you're going to save them. Just hand over that box and you can go home and get some sleep."

"I'm not going to save them!" The shout grated Kara's throat and Maggie winced at the rough sound. "I'm leaving them! I'm abandoning them! They're all going to die!" The hand holding the detonator shook and Maggie froze. What was it about red kryptonite that Alex had told her? It made Kara think every bad thought, everything she was scared of.

"I know you're afraid of losing them but you don't have to be. You can help," Maggie said slowly, feeling sweat dripping down her neck. "You have to fight it, Kara. This isn't you talking, not really."

The cobalt-blue eyes, shadowed in pain, cleared for a split second and Maggie held her breath. _Maybe..._

Then some stupid, overeager, anxious recruit made the biggest mistake of the night. A shot pierced the heavy silence and Maggie's entire body tensed.

And everything went downhill.

The bullet flattened against Kara's chest, clattering to the floor and leaving the younger woman unhurt, but her fragile state was no match for the sudden shock. Her eyes, a moment ago so clear and focused, shattered into a million pieces, like a mirror that had been hit with a sledgehammer. Kara screamed, her words jumbling together into an incoherent, high-pitched wail that almost shattered Maggie's eardrums.

She made out the words "burning" and "alone" before she saw, as if in slow motion, her thumb press down on the button.

The boom that followed _did_ shatter her eardrums and then she was thrown into Kara. She hit the side of her body with a sickeningly heavy crunch; it was like being thrown into a brick wall. Stars swam into her vision as the dirty floor came up to meet her.

The next few seconds were a blur as she tumbled across the floor. She couldn't tell which way was up and barely had time to take a breath before her head caught the edge of some loose concrete and she lost consciousness.

* * *

Lena sat on her bathroom floor clutching an empty box. Her heart was pounding in her chest, holding in hope that she was too afraid to feel. She reached for her phone, already dialing as she brought it up to her ear.

" _Hey, it's Kara Danvers with Cat Co. Media. Leave a message and have a great day!"_

 _Beep._

"Kara," she said in a shaking voice. "You need to come home right now."

* * *

"Sawyer! Sawyer, report! What's your status?"

Maggie groaned as the harsh yelling pulled her out of the comforting blanket of darkness. Her head was throbbing and there was a dull ache in her ribs.

 _Static._ "Maggie, do you copy!?"

When she finally managed to pry her eyes open, all she could see was dust and concrete.

 _What happened?_

 _Kara._

A few moments passed as she looked around for the hero. She spotted her hovering a few yards above her, braced in an odd position. It took her another moment to realize that Kara was holding the entire building up.

"Everyone is going to die," the blonde was mumbling, like she wasn't even aware of the tons of steel on her shoulders. "My whole planet burned, so can theirs." Her eyes were red and she didn't know if it was from the younger woman's crying or the red kryptonite. Maybe both.

"Supergirl!" Maggie coughed, inhaling a lungful of dust. The winter air was getting to her quickly despite her all-weather NCPD issued jacket. "Supergirl, listen to me."

Kara's eyes darted across the wreckage and fastened on her for a split second before shooting away.

The radio beeped on again. "Maggie!"

"Sawyer here. Supergirl is holding up the building. Call Alex Danvers and keep everyone away." Her mind was reverting back to its training in its state of emergency. Shock, more like it.

"Is anyone injured?" Tim sounded angry. No doubt about to give a smack down to end all smack downs to whoever had fired the shot. "Can you see any civilians?"

Maggie glanced around and when she didn't see anyone, twisted her body to get a better view. A blinding, white-hot pain shot up through her torso and she screamed, falling back. _Oh my god, what the fuck was that!?_

"Someone screamed. Sawyer, we're a block away. Find out who's injured and we can run an extraction team." His tone was all business but she heard the underlying worry. This was his city and he would go down protecting it.

Blinking away the spots from behind her eyes, she tried to keep her breathing slow and even. Her adrenaline and shock was wearing off and a constant, sharp pain was making itself known in her gut.

"Maggie, answer me," Tim commanded.

She opened her mouth but nothing came out. Preparing herself for the worse, Maggie looked down.

And almost screamed again.

Sticking out of her body was a piece of rebar, protruding from her stomach like a comically misplaced prop. She tried to hold herself still but her breathing was getting shallower and her vision was tunneling.

 _Focus._

But it was hard to focus with a piece of metal going through her body. She couldn't die, not here, not like this, not without pulling Kara back from wherever her mind was, lost and broken. And Winn and Alex...

Alex would be furious at her. Alex would yell at her, worry giving way to anger and her normally clear, hazel eyes would be shrouded in emotion.

Alex would be all alone if they both died, her and Kara, alone to raise their son and navigate a world without her or her sister to stop her from going off the rails.

Her sister. Maggie dragged her head up, dazed eyes looking for dirty blonde hair. Kara was still a million miles away but she was slowly, steadily dropping, inch by inch, closer to the ground. Maggie tried to slide her phone out of her pocket, the simple action almost making her pass out again.

"They're screaming," Kara muttered, the whole building shaking as she rolled her shoulders. Her hands were buckling the concrete and the entire structure looked like it was about to crumble. "It's so loud, I can't—I can't hear—anything. I need it to stop, to stop the screaming, if I j-just let go." The burnt corpses of her friends and family covered in Krypton's rubble littered the ground at her feet and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Supergirl, listen to me." The tiredness was setting in and Maggie couldn't bring herself to stop the flow of blood. Couldn't bring herself to touch her own body because at that moment, the fear of pain was greater than the fear of dying. Her phone clattered out onto the ground and she reached a shaking, scarlet-covered finger to the button, forcing herself to stay awake.

 _Who do I call?_

"Siri, call Lena." She was painfully aware of the warmth leaking out of her but her limbs were getting heavier with each passing second and she couldn't do anything to stop it. How had a seemingly routine mission gone so wrong, so quickly?

"Maggie?" Lena sounded worked up, answering after two rings.

"Lena," she croaked, feeling blood drip from the corners of her mouth. _That's not good._ "You need to talk to Kara."

"You sound strange. What's happened? I've been trying to reach her, she left this morning and she hasn't been answering—"

"Lena, talk to your wife," Maggie got out, looking back up. She knew it was bad that she couldn't feel the gaping hole in her gut, that she could only see in black and white. _I'm sorry, Alex._

Kara was only a few feet away now and streams of dust and debris were coming off the building, almost falling on Maggie. The kryptonian's super hearing picked up on the voice from the phone and she snapped her head to the side, looking for the source.

"Maggie, what's your status?" Tim's growl broke the tension and she hurried to grab the radio but she was moving slowly, too slowly, and Kara's face reverted back to its lost expression.

"Everyone's dying. Everyone's dead. Just like Krypton. Just let go." Kara seemed to be trying to convince herself to drop the building but something in her was fighting back. The small part of her that could recognize Maggie through the red K was holding thirty floors of steel and concrete and people in the air like it was nothing, making sure it didn't fall on her.

Maggie hit the buttons with numb fingers. "Tim?" Her voice came out like a child's, innocent and curious, and the man who was like a father to her answered immediately.

"Maggie, thank god. What's going on down there? We can't get in, did you see anyone on the ground?"

"Tim?" she repeated, fainter than before. Lena was talking through the phone, something about heading their way but she couldn't make it out. "I think I'm dying."

* * *

"I think I'm dying."

Alex walked into the DEO at that exact moment.

"What is she doing there?" Her heart plummeted and Winn, swaddled in a blanket close to her chest, seemed to sense it because he started crying. "Maggie? Maggie, talk to me."

"Hey, Danvers." The tired whisper was pitiful to hear, all of Maggie's usual snarkiness gone.

"What happened?" Alex said frantically, patting her son on the back. He cried louder at his other mother's voice and someone came up behind her. Vasquez, holding her arms out for Winn. After a second's deliberation, she gave him up and he quieted, no longer next to her and feeling her racing heartbeat pounding with anxiety.

"Doesn't matter. Your sister—" Maggie coughed, a gurgling, wet noise that made the hair on Alex's arms stand up.

"Where are you, I'm coming—"

"No!" Maggie said forcefully. Her outburst cost her dearly and the blood soaking her shirt was renewed with a crimson wave. Her choked gasps slowly petered out as she caught her breath. "No, Winn needs—his mother."

And for the first time in her life, Alex didn't argue. Didn't rush into danger even though her sister and the love of her life were both on the edge of some terrifying, unknown ordeal. She couldn't throw herself off of buildings anymore, she couldn't be at the front, kicking down the door, shooting anything that moved.

She was a mother.

She had a son.

She didn't care about herself, but what would happen if she wasn't there to protect Winn?

She had chosen that name for a reason. To remind her that nothing is more important than protecting your family.

"Oh, good," Maggie whispered, her breaths rasping. "Lena's here."

"Lena? Why is she there?"

"I called her for your sister. There was red kryptonite, she's having some kind of mental break."

Alex slapped her forehead. _January fifteenth. How could I forget? The nightmares when she was younger, the insomnia. It's always been a bad day for her._ "Red kryptonite."

"Someone pl-planted it." Maggie coughed again and Alex heard the tears in her voice. "I'm sorry I couldn't help her. I love you."

"Stop it," Alex said harshly. "We're not doing this, Maggie."

"Tell—tell Winn that I'll always love him. That I didn't want kids, but I couldn't imagine life without—I couldn't imagine it," Maggie breathed. The shaking had stopped, or maybe she couldn't feel it anymore.

" _Maggie Sawyer, do not say goodbye!"_

* * *

Lena bent over the cop, a look of intense concentration on her face, and Maggie felt sensation in her torso for the first time in many long minutes.

It was burning.

She opened her mouth to scream but it was too much effort, too much air, too much dust. Too much.

"Maggie!" Several different voices were all shouting her name. Tim. Lena. Alex.

"Maggie!" Lena's won over because she was looming over her, unnaturally large in her dirty jacket and blood-stained blouse. Her knees were scraped up and she had turned her back on Kara for the time being, seeing that Maggie was in much worse shape. She tried to cauterize the wound to the best of her ability with the metal still buried in her flesh, checking her pulse. "Hang on, okay? You're going to be fine. Your son needs you."

"Winn." Her voice was stronger but she was tired, so, so tired and she closed her eyes. "Help Kara," she mumbled, pushing Lena's arm away with a pathetically weak motion.

Stuck between two impossible decisions, Lena snatched the radio off the ground. "Alex," she said, interrupting the director. "What do I do?"

"What happened with Maggie?" Alex demanded.

"I stopped the bleeding but she doesn't have much time, so tell me what to do." Her tone was grim, her face was pinched underneath the dust and grime and sweat.

"Okay, okay, okay. Red kryptonite—you need to talk her down. We can't shoot her because the building will collapse and J'onn isn't there yet—"

"Alex, please!"

Slamming a hand down on the table, Alex growled. "Talk her down. You know her better than anyone."

"Not better than you." She forced her own fear down and took a deep breath. _It's a science experiment,_ she thought to herself. _Hypothesis, factors, possible outcomes._ "Why is this happening? Why today? What's causing it?"

"It's PTSD. From when her mother sent her away. She saw her entire planet burn, but not before everything was ripped away from her." Alex knew how hard it was for Kara to talk about, even with Lena. She knew it from years of Kara's night terrors, endless nights spent holding her sister as she cried herself back to sleep. Knew it from when Kara would call her, unable to sleep, past the stage of crying like a child but still restless, plagued by ghosts and demons of a magnitude no one could even being to comprehend. "Can I—can I talk to Maggie?"

"Maggie's unconscious. I'll do my best," Lena said shortly.

"J'onn will be there soon and he can hold the building while you get her under control."

"Okay." Lena took a step towards Kara, her eyes coming up to the blonde woman's stomach. Alex could hear the background noise as she held down the button, her voice wavering.

"Kara?"

Blue eyes flickered over her and seemed to focus on her appearance. "Lena."

Alex almost cried in relief at hearing her sister's voice but she held her tongue. It used to be only her who could talk her sister down, only her that could pull her out of a panic attack, but she had been a horrible sister lately. Barely seeing Kara at work and not at all outside, not having those deep, heart-to-heart conversations that she missed, that might have told her that something like this was going on.

"Kara, where does it hurt?" Lena forced herself to stay in the present, hating the way her mind disconnected so easily. The way it distanced itself from any chance of her getting hurt.

"The screaming. I can hear the screaming, it's—" She dropped another foot and the whole building groaned. Plaster rained down on her and she blinked, shaking her head, loose blonde curls swinging.

Lena had to crane her neck up to meet her eyes and her mind was racing. "Who is screaming?"

"Everyone," the alien said distractedly. "Everyone I love." Something red and vicious brightened her eyes and she stared at Lena, really seeing her for the first time. "Maybe I should just kill you now and save myself the heartbreak."

"What are you talking about?" Lena kept her voice calm as the wind tore at her clothes.

"When I drop this building, everyone near it will die. And that will hurt me." Kara's voice had a mean quality to it that the brunette had never associated with her wife.

"Why will it hurt you?"

Something minuscule changed in her expression and Kara winced. "Because I love you." Another inch closer to the ground. Another inch closer to Lena.

"Remember what Kal said?"

It was the wrong thing to say. Kara's eyes glowed red and she snapped her teeth together. "Kal doesn't know anything. He kept telling me how lucky I was, how I should be grateful. He's the lucky one. He's not the one that had to see his planet destroyed, he's not the one who remembers hearing the screams of everyone he knew dying, he's not the one—"

"That's not what he said, darling." Lena's voice was soft but it filled the space between them, cutting off Kara's angry tirade.

 _Red kryptonite makes bad thoughts come to the surface. It doesn't create new ones._

"He said that _he_ was the lucky one for not remembering. That he was grateful to the Danvers for taking you in, that he couldn't have picked a better family. They are the reason you are the woman you are today. The woman that I love."

Alex was barely breathing, her entire frame taught like a bungee cord stretched too far. It was hitting her in the face, that in one fell swoop she could lose the most important women in her life. _Come on, Lena._

Kara had dropped down to the ground and Lena reached up with a steady hand, pulling Kara's necklace out from underneath her suit. "You see this?" There were no cameras around, they had been cordoned off two blocks away. "This is so you never forget where you're from."

Her mother's charm was the only shiny thing in sight and her heart contracted, howling against the evil thoughts threatening to take over her mind.

"And this one," Lena said gently, holding up Kara's wedding ring, "Is so you know where you're going."

The blue eyes cleared and suddenly Kara was sobbing, Lena desperately clutching at her even as the older woman held up the building. J'onn swooped in and took the weight off her shoulders and she collapsed, bring Lena to the ground with her.

Boots trampled the ground and helicopters flew overhead as evacuation teams started emptying the building. Shouted orders echoed around them and still they didn't move, Kara slumped over and Lena holding her face in her hands as she whispered soothing things that only she could hear. Someone tried to get them to leave but Lena waved them away, waiting for Kara to look up, to give some indication that she was still with her.

"Kara?"

The blonde's head raised ever so slightly and her tear-streaked face stared up at her. "I can't hear the screaming anymore," she whispered, then passed out in Lena's arms.

* * *

changed up my writing style a bit, I might go back and edit the rest of the story to have shorter sentences and more description but it's quite a bit of work. thoughts?


	50. 50) Abandonment Issues

"Detective, can you hear me?"

There were hands on her face, touching her neck, checking her pulse.

"Maggie, open your eyes." A man's voice, familiar and insistent. It sounded like J'onn.

She opened her eyes and was immediately inundated from all directions. A siren was blaring, lights were glaring down on her, wherever she was was shaking. Everything had a yellowish-green tint to it and the world spun around her at a nauseating pace before she blotted it out.

"Detective, stay awake. I need you to listen to me, we're on the way to the hospital."

A band snapped over her head and someone lowered an oxygen mask over her mouth.

"My name is Isabella, I'm here to help. You were in an accident, remember?"

 _Accident. The bomb. Kara._

Her eyes flew open. "Karrr," she slurred. "Where—shhhe?" She tried to sit up but something twinged in her stomach and hands were forcing her down. "Winn."

"You need to lie down, Maggie. Alex is already waiting at the hospital." J'onn held her down gently.

"'Lex," Maggie mumbled, closing her eyes again. She felt like there was a cord attached to her chest that was pulling her down, through the ground and deeper into the floor.

"Stay with me, detective. We're almost there." The paramedic was moving tubes and wires around and more painkillers flooded her system. It was so hard to hold on to the light.

She looked down at her legs when she couldn't feel them and saw the rebar still sticking out of her body. "Whass thh?" Her hands went to yank it out but something was trapping them and her heart started racing.

"Calm down, you need to calm down," the woman was saying, her voice muted in Maggie's ears. J'onn was holding her arms down and she thrashed in the bed, trying to free herself.

"Maggie, you need to stay still."

Her head wound reopened and blood dripped into her eyes. Someone was shouting and the doors opened, blasting her with cold air. For a split second she saw the sky, cloudless and grey, then she lost her grip on reality and darkness swirled in front of her.

* * *

The DEO agents were casting furtive glances her way but none of them were brave enough to go over and talk to Lena. A meek recruit had offered her a chair but she had given him such a hard look that he had scurried away and she was still standing.

She hadn't moved in almost five hours, standing at Kara's bedside with an unreadable expression on her face. She was over thinking everything.

 _Why didn't she tell me?_

 _Why didn't I see the signs?_

 _What does this mean for us?_

Her mind was a maelstrom of questions with no answers and half-formed ideas. She hadn't moved or talked or even glanced away from her wife since J'onn had flown them here before leaving to help the extraction team. The building was shored up, people were safe, and there were miraculously no casualties. Yet.

She had no idea how Maggie was doing, had no idea if her friend had died speared on the metal bar that was sticking up from the wreckage. She felt as though she might petrify, turn to stone like a tree that had grown too old and too tired.

A part of her hoped she would.

Time passed quickly and not at all. Every time Lena looked at the clock, it froze.

J'onn arrived sometime later to tell her that Maggie was out of surgery, Alex at her side. The older Danvers desperately wanted to come tell her herself, but she couldn't leave her side and she knew Kara was in good hands.

As evening turned to night, Lena finally let herself sink into the chair, holding her wife's limp hand. Kara didn't wake up but she tossed and turned like she was stuck in a bad dream, and when that happened, Lena would try to wake her in vain—Kara was beyond her reach.

Halfway through the night she pried herself out of the chair and went to the lab. Muttering to herself, she started working, needing to keep her hands busy. When the sun rose she went back to Kara's side but nothing had changed.

A whole day passed. Then another. Lena kept up her routine of nights in the lab, days spent sitting with her wife. J'onn kept her updated on Maggie's condition but she didn't hear him. She slept uneasily, in short bursts that would end with her gasping Kara's name.

"Lena, you need to sleep." Alex sounded worried on the phone, no doubt for her sister.

Lena nodded silently and Alex frowned.

"Lena? You still there?"

Her response was a noncommittal grunt.

"J'onn says you haven't slept since Tuesday."

"Maybe." Lena's voice was hoarse from not using it. Kara twitched in her sleep then sighed and settled back down.

"Lena, you're no use to her if you're dead on your feet."

"How's Maggie?"

Alex groaned in frustration at her unwillingness to take advice and looked over at her wife who was watching her side of the conversation, Winn in her arms. "Awake and talking."

"Tell her to get some rest or I'll send you over there to force her," Maggie raised her voice.

"Lena, Mags says—"

"I heard." The tired woman rubbed at her eyes. "I just, I can't sleep until I know she's alright."

Alex's tone softened. "Thank you for that. Just don't forget that you can break down too. And Lena?"

"Mmm."

"You did good."

A sliver of blue peeked out from pale lids and Lena froze, her heart in her throat. She hung up and let the phone fall onto the bed. "Darling?"

"Still in the grips of unconsciousness, Kara turned towards Lena's voice. A second later her eyes snapped open as flashes came back to her.

No stranger to self-hatred and guilt, Lena recognized it in her wife instantly.

"Did—"

"Everyone is fine." Lena cupped her face with gently hands, the exhaustion in her muscles chased away by adrenaline at the sight of blue eyes. "Everyone is going to be alright."

"It was so much worse this time," Kara whispered. "So much worse." Her eyes fixated on someone Lena couldn't see then she shook her head and looked at her. "Are you okay?"

At that, a tired chuckle escaped the brunette's lips. "Am _I_ okay? What about you? How are you feeling?" She watched the emotions cross her wife's face. "What happened?" Unlike her, Kara talked through her feelings. Unlike her, Kara didn't shut down after something this traumatic. She needed people around her.

Kara inhaled sharply. "I was heading for the building with the bombs in it," she started. "I had just gotten back from Metropolis and I wasn't thinking, I wasn't paying attention..."

"You're not getting enough sleep," Lena fretted, "It's my fault, I'm trying. I promise."

"Don't take responsibility for this. Even if I slept eight hours a night, I wouldn't have...I don't know what happened. But suddenly there was screaming coming from—everywhere. I knew the voices; my friends, my family, my parents. And everywhere I looked, it was burning."

Her voice shook and Lena ran her hand down Kara's jaw, her wedding ring cool against Kara's cheek.

"And I thought, why do I have to be alone? Why was my planet the one that got destroyed? And I can't remember anything after that, just your voice and it—it was awful, and the screaming..." she trailed off and shuddered.

"You are not alone." Kara closed her eyes and Lena repeated herself. "You are _not_ alone."

"I know that, I know I just...Nothing was making any sense. And I could see you in my head and I was trying to get to you but I—you were yelling something but I couldn't hear it over the screams and—"

"Take a deep breath, love." Lena inhaled slowly until Kara calmed down and matched her breathing. "Good. Now listen to me. Everyone is going to be fine. Everyone got out and the police and the DEO have already handled the situation, you've been asleep for a few days."

"A few days? Where's Alex, did something happen to her? She would be here, the only reason she wouldn't be is if something happened to her," she panicked, sitting up. "Where's my sister?"

"I hate that you worry about everyone but yourself," Lena said in a soft voice, her hands on Kara's chest. "Alex is fine, she was nowhere near the explosion. She's at the hospital with Maggie."

"Exp-explosion?"

"More like implosion. The building is fine." She watched Kara's face carefully, nervously. "You don't remember?"

"Did I..." Kara licked her lips, looking small under the lights. "Did I destroy a building?"

"You didn't, you just hit a detonate button. It wasn't your fault," she said quickly, seeing Kara's expression go from relief to shock. "They wired it to explode, you just—"

"I remember now," Kara interrupted her, the words coming out in a rush. "I was holding it and—Rao, all those people—I'm just as bad as..."

"Everyone is going to be fine," Lena said again. Kara was trying to disappear into the bed and she looked like a lost child.

"Oh my god, Maggie," Kara gasped. "Sh-she was bleeding! And-and-and I did nothing to help, I remember thinking I should drop—"

"She's fine. You saved her," Lena consoled her. Kara still seemed out of it, stammering her way through sentences like she wasn't fully awake. Her eyes were glazed over and Lena's forehead wrinkled with worry.

"No, _you_ saved her. I saw you, you..." She was glancing around the room with blown-out pupils and her hands were shaking. "You brought me back."

"Stop worrying." Lena saw Kara's bottom lip tremble and kissed her head. "We'll go to the hospital when you're feeling better."

Kara sat up, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm fine, let's go."

"Just sit back for a second," Lena pleaded. She was worried that Kara was facing things to quickly. Even though only four people knew who hit the detonate button, she knew her wife was wracked with guilt.

She wasn't hearing any of it. "No, I have to go see them."

Lena hesitated, seeing that Kara wasn't going to rest until she agreed. "If you wait an hour, I'll drive you."

* * *

Lena fought the urge to close her eyes the whole way to the hospital. She had been adamant that she drive, but fatigue was getting the better of her and she did a sloppy job of parking. Kara, too worked up with guilt and eager to see her sister, hurried ahead.

When she caught up with her, Kara was locked in a tight embrace with her sister, tears dripping down her cheeks. Alex was saying something in a foreign language and as Lena listened, she recognized Kara's native tongue.

 _Kryptonian._

She hovered by the door feeling out of place until Alex saw her and gave her a teary smile. "Come here, Luthor." She waved her over.

Wrapped between the Danvers sisters, the pounding in her heart finally slowed to a reasonable pace and her aching muscles unwound themselves.

"Hey, no fair, I wanna join the group hug," Maggie whined, patting Winn on the back.

"You could if you didn't go around impaling yourself," Alex said accusingly, breaking the hug.

"I was unconscious! I fell onto it!" Maggie said defensively.

Alex snorted. "Yeah, fell and scared the shit out of me."

"Hey." Maggie covered Winn's ears with a smile. "Don't curse in front of our kid, he has plenty of time to learn your bad habits."

Rolling her eyes, Alex grabbed Lena's arm. "We're going to get coffee," she said, glancing at her sister. Lena didn't miss the silent exchange and nodded in agreement. "Don't drop him," Alex joked, bending over to kiss Winn's head.

Kara fidgeted with her sleeves until they left then took Alex's spot by the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Don't worry about me." Maggie smoothed out Winn's onesie and watched the younger woman sit awkwardly. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

Kara chewed her lip, her hands gripping the armrests until her knuckles whitened. "I almost killed you," she said in a barely audible whisper.

"Almost," Maggie shrugged. "No harm, no foul."

"Yes harm! Yes foul! You were dying, I saw—I saw the—the, i-it was sticking out of you and I did n-nothing to help." Kara stumbled over the words, the plastic cracking under the pressure. "You almost died and it's my fault."

Maggie said nothing, just tilted her head and smiled while Kara rambled. "You finished?" she said once the younger woman took a breath.

"No, I—you—yeah. I guess so," Kara said haltingly.

"What are you trying to say, little Danvers?"

Kara stared at the ground, blurry memories coming back to her. Her eyes flicked up to Maggie's face and she met her gaze. They were brown, just like her sister's and older than they should've been, like her sister's. And just like her sister's the only thing she could see in them was love. Love and worry, for her, and Kara answered her smile with a weak one of her own.

"How do you do it?" she asked in a timid voice.

"Do what?" Maggie re-positioned herself so her son's weight wasn't on her stomach, wincing.

"Put yourself in danger like that when you have Winn to look after?"

Maggie raised an eyebrow. "Don't you do the same thing?"

"Not really. I'm literally the Girl of Steel," Kara lowered her voice, "so it's a little different. But I just think of what my parents had to go through to send me away like they did...I know what it's like to lose your family. And after the other day..." Her voice cut off and she shook her head, an unspeakable pain in her eyes.

"What?" Maggie prodded gently. She sensed there was a lot more than mortality on Kara's mind. A deeper issue that had to do with her parents and her past and the broken girl that Alex had taken in as a sister. "You know, your sister and I had this talk. And the only reason we made it work was because she was going to be the director. You really think I'd raise a son in a world where he could lose both his parents in one day? It's a horrifying thought, Kara, but you have to realize that you can't let your fear decide your fate."

"I don't think I could do it," Kara whispered. "I don't know if I could have a kid with Lena knowing that they could go through that. I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready."

The faintest of gasps reached her ears and she whipped around. "Lee..."

Her wife was standing next to her sister and Alex had a dazed expression on her face, halfway between joy and guilt.

"Are you saying—you don't want to have kids?" Lena said faintly, hugging her arms to her stomach.

"No, it's not that I just—I'm afraid," Kara pleaded, rising out of the chair.

Alex put her hand on Lena's shoulder but the CEO just shook her head like she was shaking off a fly and walked away.

"What did I do?" Kara asked her sister, stunned. Alex crossed the room in a few strides and pulled her into a hug, murmuring in her ear. "What did I say?"

"You should go after her," Alex said with a knowing look at Maggie. "Lena needs to talk to you."

"Oh my god, I can't believe I said that what if she thinks I changed my mind? I do want kids, with her, I just—"

"I don't think that's it," Alex said carefully. "You've been through a lot and Lena knows that. All I'm saying is don't let a little fear stop you."

* * *

"Lena?" Kara hurried down the hall, shouldering aside doctors and nurses. "Sorry! Sorry, have you seen my—Lena!" She saw the signature, long hair flip around a corner and turned, sliding to a stop. Her chest was heaving but not from exertion. "Lena, turn around and look at me. Please."

She saw the way the brunette's back stiffened, how her jaw set, how her walls came up easily, too easily, from years and years of practice, and her heart started racing.

"Did you mean it?"

Kara swallowed nervously. "Mean what?"

"You know what I mean." Lena turned around and walked up to her. "I've watched you getting more and more excited about us having kids, and suddenly you've completely changed. The Kara Danvers I know doesn't just give up on her dreams."

She swallowed again. "She does if she's scared."

Lena threw her hands up. "Since when does that stop you?"

"Since now! Lena, I could've killed you and I don't think you realize that."

Her eyes narrowing, Lena closed the distance between them. "You think I don't know that? You really don't think I understand that you could kill me by accidentally squeezing too hard? I had to come to terms with you being an alien, an _alien,_ Kara. And you weren't the one who told me! And for all of that, I still fell in love with you."

"Love isn't always enough," Kara said earnestly. "I could lose control, I could hurt you or worse. With red kryptonite? I—I don't even want to think about what could happen."

"You think I don't understand that either?" Lena took her hands as the anger melted off of the two of them. "You know I've always been afraid of the person I might be. And that's how you're feeling right now, but let me tell you, I know you. You are not a bad person, Kara. You would never hurt me."

"If someone has red kryptonite, it doesn't matter if I'm mother Theresa," Kara said morosely. "But I guess you're right."

"I'm always right," Lena smirked. "I have a present for you."

Kara's ears perked up as she watched Lena dig around in her purse. "Is it food?" she said hopefully.

"I was working on something while you were sleeping." Lena ignored the question and pulled out a small box. "Here."

"It's beautiful," Kara said, lifting the small charm out of the box. It was intricate and gold and she let Lena slip it onto her necklace, joining her ring and her mother's pendant.

"And practical," Lena said with a proud smirk. "It makes you invulnerable to red kryptonite."

Kara's eyes widened. "How is that possible?"

"I spent several long nights perfecting it at the DEO while you were asleep."

Kara's eyebrows knit together. "So you're saying I could've just bought myself a gold charm and this would've never happened?"

"No, I invented it. That element hasn't got a name yet."

Kara pursed her lips and stared at the little charm, a disbelieving expression on her face.

"What is it, darling?"

"I mean, that's just—that's par for the course," she said with a breathy laugh. "You give a Luthor a few days of spare time and she invents a new element."

Lena's smile flattened out and Kara rubbed her shoulder. "Yeah."

They started walking back towards Maggie's room but Lena was oddly silent. Too silent for someone who, just minutes ago had been letting out her feelings. Kara touched her arm and wound their fingers together. She looked at the side of Lena's face but it was impassive, the brunette completely in her own head. "What's wrong?"

"Do you really want to have kids with me?" Lena asked her, doubt plain in her tone.

"Of course I do," Kara insisted. "Imagine having a mini-you running around the house! They could beat me at chess and I could cook breakfast for everyone—"

"You're not cooking," Lena punched her arm lightly and her expression lifted. "And good, because I have some news for you."

"What's up?"

"Did you get the chance to listen to your voicemail yet?"

Kara made a face. "You know I haven't, you've been with me since I woke up. Was there something important I missed?"

"Not really, no," Lena said quickly. "Just me telling you to come home."

"Oh. Is that it?" Sensing there was more, Kara waited patiently for Lena to say something.

Pausing outside Maggie's room, Lena nodded to the window. "What do you think of that?"

"The door? Seems pretty good. Solid. Wood." Kara shrugged.

"No, I mean look at your sister. Look at Maggie, look at Winn. Do you really want that for us?"

"Yes," Kara said with conviction. She knew she loved Lena more than anything else in the universe and the idea of raising a child with her made her feel warm and fuzzy and gave her a bit of a high.

Lena nodded and looked Kara in the eye, keeping a straight face. "Good. Because I'm pregnant."

There were several long seconds of silence. Her heart was slamming against her rib cage and Kara's mouth was hanging open. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the reporter's face but she desperately wanted to look somewhere else, somewhere other than the look of shock and elation that was forming.

The tension shattered as a grin split across Kara's face.

"You're kidding. Are you kidding?!" Kara picked her up and spun her around, then just as quickly set her down. "Wait. That's probably bad." Her smile was infectious, surpassing the fluorescent lights and almost blinding Lena. She kissed her, ignoring the people milling around them that were giving them funny looks.

"I'm not kidding," Lena answered, catching her breath. "I just told your sister." Alex had congratulated her and no doubt had already told Maggie.

Kara kissed her again then nodded, a look of resolve on her face. "Stay here." She ran into the room and grabbed her phone, barely giving Maggie and Alex a glance. "I'll be right back, watch the TV," she said to her wife, the phone at her ear.

"Where did she go?" Alex called from inside the room.

Lena walked in and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms. Now that Kara was out of her sight, she felt all the sleepless nights and her shoulders slumped. "Beats me."

"Did you tell her?" Alex asked, pulling her shirt down. "Sorry, he's hungry."

"Don't apologize to me," Lena said, her exhausted tongue almost slurring the words. "I love a good pair of breasts as much as anyone."

"Hey," Maggie smirked. "That's my wife you're talking about." She winced again as Alex took their son from her. "I'm fine," she said, seeing the expression on her face, and Alex narrowed her eyes.

Maggie had never been one for drugs and preferred to take a little pain over losing control. But this was a lot of pain. With every breath she felt each stitch in her gut, a painful reminder that a portion of her flesh was gone, removed. They had had to cut around the rebar in surgery to eliminate the possibility of tetanus and it doubled her recovery time. Tim had already been by to yell at her then cry, and she was getting tired of the guilty looks that Alex kept shooting her, calling her out the day before.

"You look like you're about to pass out, Luthor." Alex was watching Lena's blinks getting longer and longer.

"I'm fine," Lena said tiredly, her eyelids fluttering even as she said the words.

"The two of you are so stubborn," Alex said, fiddling with Maggie's IV. A minute later the ache in her gut had dissipated and she frowned at Alex but didn't say anything. "Now you."

"What about me?"

"You're just like Gertrude," Alex rolled her eyes. "She'll play fetch until she's run herself into the ground but if you throw the ball again, off she goes. Sit down before you fall over."

"Where is she?" Lena glanced around like the puppy was hiding somewhere in the room. The empty bed in the corner was beckoning her and she blinked again, her eyes dry from four days with a disproportionate amount of sleep.

"She's with Sam," Alex answered, holding Winn to her chest. The little suckling noises he was making were adorable and Lena's mouth curved up into a smile. "Stop avoiding, Lena. Lie down on that bed or I'll knock you out, and I don't even need to stop breastfeeding to do it."

She eyed the bed again. "I guess I could get in a few hours," she sighed, climbing onto it. Alex pulled the blanket over her and smiled. "Kara said to watch the TV," she mumbled, her eyes already closing.

"Okay, okay, I will, don't worry," Alex soothed. Lena's breathing deepened a second later, betraying how tired the young woman really was. Alex brushed her hair out of her face and watched her for a few minutes.

"You getting soft on me, Danvers?"

"No," Alex said defensively, pulling her shirt back up. "I'm a bad ass."

Maggie grinned at her wife and Alex melted at the sight of her dimples. Still holding her son, she leaned in to kiss her and felt Maggie's smile against her lips.

"Fine, I'm not," she admitted, their noses brushing as she pulled away.

"You're still a bad ass," Maggie said. She had almost lost everything and now that she had a second chance at life, she wasn't going to waste it. She had faced death before; the barrel of a gun, almost drowning once during a search and rescue, getting shot, but she had never had as much to lose. "You know what would make you more of a bad ass?"

"What?" Alex breathed against her cheek.

"Kissing your wife."

Alex raised an eyebrow, sitting on the edge of her bed and setting Winn on her knees. "Really?"

"Yup," Maggie nodded. "Very bad ass.

"Oh, well, if you say so." She leaned in again.

* * *

"Hello, everyone. Thank—thank you for coming on such short notice." Kara's fingers fidgeted in her pocket, the ring hiding at the bottom. _Am I doing the right thing?_

 _Yes._

 _She's pregnant._

 _You're going to have a kid with her._

"I'm—ahem—I'm sure you're wondering why I'm up here," she said to the crowd of cameras and reporters. "And I'll tell you." Her nerves were flipping her stomach but she swallowed them down and move closer to the mic. Slipping the ring onto her finger, she put both hands on either side of the podium and smiled at the crowd.

 _No matter who comes after us, I will protect my family._

"I'm sure by now most of you have figured it out, but I'm here to confirm your theories," she started. She felt very conscious of the shining diamond on her finger and proudly raised her chin.

"Lena Luthor and I are married."

The ripple of whispers started as a low buzz then steadily grew into a roar.

"When did you get married?"

"What about Nicholas Masterson?"

"Why have you both been so absent from the city?"

"Was their a secret ceremony?"

"Who proposed?"

"What did you get her?"

"Why is she funneling millions into the rebuilding efforts?"

"Is it because she feels responsible?"

Fully prepared for the onslaught of questions, Kara smiled. _Thanks, Ms. Grant._

"We're both so busy all the time that the only way we could have our honeymoon was if we spread it out. About a week ago we got tired of weekend getaways and we disappeared for a few days." The lie she had repeated in her head on the way over rolled off her tongue easily.

"What about L-Corp? Surely the hardest working business woman wouldn't really leave her company in the hands of her CFO for a week?"

"Samantha Arias is perfectly capable of running L-Corps. We had just gotten married, Lena didn't want to leave my side," she said truthfully. "And she ended up working anyway, as I'm sure you can guess her brain never shuts off." Her lips quirked up and she glanced around, looking for the next question.

"What's the best part of being married to her?"

The question seemed a little cliché but she paused, hundreds of reasons coming to mind. Her hand went to her necklace, touching the two charms. Everything she loved about Lena felt like it was beyond words, everything about the younger woman pulled her in.

"We complete each other," she said simply.

"Let us see the ring!" someone yelled from the back and Kara bit back a smile.

"Here it is." She hesitated then held up her hand. A hundred gasps, a hundred camera shutters, a hundred envious mutterings reached her ears. Her phone buzzed in her pocket and she pulled it out, glancing down.

 _J'onn._

She leaned into the mic. "That's all for now." Waving one last time, she walked into the Cat Co. building. "What's up?"

"Supergirl. You weren't supposed to leave the DEO without discharge papers. Or approval. I gave you neither."

"I'm back to a hundred percent," Kara protested.

"What about the red kryptonite? It could happen again."

The elevator doors dinged closed and it started to rise. "Lena took care of it. I trust her. Any leads on who planted it?"

"Not yet," J'onn's voice deepened. "I'm sure it's Cadmus. How are they always one step ahead? Always another person in charge."

Kara sat down at her desk. "I know, it's like freaking whack-a-mole. Keep me updated." She filed away the papers on the table top, wanting to jump back into work. _So much wasted time._ She felt like dancing around the office and buying everyone a puppy, but she forced herself to sit down.

She was completely entrenched in one of the articles she'd missed when Eve knocked on her door.

"Eve! What can I do for you?" She pulled her hair up, smiling.

"Welcome back," the assistant said warmly.

Kara waved a hand. "I'm not really back."

"But you—" Eve pointed to Kara, clearly sitting at her desk. "You sure look like you're back," she said dubiously.

"I'm just checking on a few things then I'm going to visit my friend in the hospital." Kara gathered up the newly submitted articles and stood, giving Eve a one-handed hung. "I'll be here tomorrow. Eight-thirty sharp, so hide all the contraband," she joked, winking.

"Will do, Mrs. Luthor." Eve started to say something else but the office phone rang and she ran off to answer it.

Kara watched her go and took a deep breath.

 _Oh, Rao._

 _I'm going to be a mother._

 _Am I ready for this?_

 _Is Lena?_

* * *

"Hey." Kara walked back into the hospital room. Whenever she felt too many emotions she had a harder time controlling her powers and right now she could hear everything going on in the multi-story building. The second her eyes fell on her wife, the buzz in her ears stopped.

"She's exhausted," Alex said quietly, not wanting to wake Maggie who was also fast asleep. Winn was curled up in her arms and snoring quietly.

Kara nodded, rearranging the blanket over Lena's body. She kissed Lena's forehead and rubbed her shoulder, watching her sleep.

"What's bothering you?"

Kara looked up at her sister. "Why do you think something's bothering me?"

"Crinkle." Both sisters smiled at that. "Come on, let's get something to eat."

"I don't know." Kara eyed the stack of paper she'd brought with her. Her stomach grumbled embarrassingly loudly.

Alex smothered her laughter. "I'll buy you an entire pizza."

"Done," Kara said immediately.

They crossed the street arm in arm but Alex could see that Kara was deep in thought. She ordered an everything pizza minus the olives and pasta for herself and they sat down to wait.

"So," Alex started as Kara watched them knead the dough.

"Wish I could do that," Kara said wistfully. She was staring at the man behind the counter, a little too hard for Alex's liking.

The brunette frowned. "I'm just gonna wait you out." She slowly sipped her soda, her eyes on Kara's face. Her younger sister started squirming under her gaze, her hands playing with the salt and pepper shakers.

A minute passed. The spinning of the salt shaker was getting faster and faster and Alex internally rolled her eyes.

"It's just..." The salt clattered back into place. Kara tapped her fingers against the table and glared at the wood.

Alex reached across the table but a call of "Order thirty-nine!" made her sit back and groan. "Be right back."

As she ate her pasta she kept an eye on Kara. The kryptonian wolfed it down like it was a small sandwich, folding the slices and cramming them down her throat.

"You're stress-eating."

"Am not!"

"You're afraid." Alex's tone was frank and she waited for Kara to deny it but nothing was forthcoming.

With a small nod, Kara sat up straighter, plopping down her second to last slice of pizza. "What if something happens to Lena? Or me?"

"You are literally described as the girl of steel," Alex lowered her voice.

"I know, I know! But my parents never thought anything would happen and look where that got them!"

Sadness shot through Alex at the expression on Kara's face. "You look just like her," she said softly.

"Like who?"

"My younger sister. But she would never be afraid to reach out and grab her dreams."

"It's a little more complicated than that," Kara huffed. "This is like...my Vietnam. The one thing I can't ever really get past."

"Kara look at me."

Grease dripped down her chin and Alex wiped it away with a napkin.

"I promise that your kid will never not have a home. But if you ever do have to send them away because the Earth is about to implode—"

"With global warming, you never know," Kara muttered.

"I will be there. You have a family, Kara. Don't forget that."

"Thanks, sis." Kara finished the last piece of crust and started eating Alex's spaghetti with her fingers.

"Hey! That's mine," Alex complained.

"We're family! Families share."

* * *

honestly I love the sister's relationship so much I'm still so mad about the mind wipe


	51. 51) Defeating Cadmus and Domestic Life

"What were you thinking?" Lena paced back and forth in their kitchen. She had woken up much later that evening and seen recaps of the press conference, and her ever-growing maternal instincts had turned unease into dread.

"I was thinking I didn't want to hide this anymore," Kara defended herself. "Not this. Not us."

"Kara, we're a team You need to talk to me if you're going to pull something like this—"

"Pull—this wasn't some _prank_ , Lena. This was me telling everyone we're married?"

"And what about Supergirl?"

"What about her?" Kara could sense what was coming but refused to show any regret on her face. "I love you and I'm proud of that. If that doesn't work for you then maybe we should've waited." The words left a sour taste in her mouth and she frowned.

"What happens when someone sees a diamond ring on the finger of National City's superhero? It doesn't take a genius to figure out that they're one and the same.

Kara blew out a breath, gesticulating wildly. "I'll take it off for work, obviously."

"And if you forget to put it back on? Rumors flying means more media scrutiny means to potential for more people to piece everything together. And Cadmus may be quiet right no, but if I know anything it's that they play the long game." Lena turned her piercing gaze on Kara and the blonde nodded, stalling for time.

"Cadmus already knew we were together so it's not like it'll change anything."

Frustrated that Kara didn't want to see her side, Lena played her trump card. "What if they go after your family? We aren't just dating, Kara. We're married. There's a permanence to that. There will always be a target on you and your family because of me."

"Stop talking about yourself like you aren't my family." She avoided answering.

Lena's face softened and she sat down. "What happens when I can't hide the fact that I'm pregnant? What will you do then?" she asked quietly.

Kara's eyes hardened into chips of ice. "I'll kill anyone who tries to hurt you."

The brunette bit her lip. She worried that she was changing Kara, making her a grittier, less-merciful version of herself. "We both know you don't have it in you to kill someone." She heard Sam's shriek echoing in her ears and blinked.

"Maybe." The cobalt eyes darkened. "Or maybe I know what Alex means when she says there's no line in the universe she wouldn't cross to save her son."

"That's admirable, but not practical. You can't just punch your way through anyone who looks at me wrong."

"Why not?" Kara said, already losing the fire in her voice. She ran her hands through her hair. The sun had set an hour ago and she and Lena could just make each other out in the fading light. "I'm sorry," she conceded. "I wasn't thinking, I just thought it would be easier for everyone—"

"No, you're right," Lena sighed. "Everyone had already guessed. I'm just worried because..."

"The baby."

Lena's voice dropped. "Yeah. And Cadmus knowing you're Supergirl just makes me..."

"Worry."

Needing to stretch her legs, Lena got up and went to turn on the light. "It's cute that you always finish my—"

"Sentences?" Kara jumped in, smiling. "It's because we're connected."

"Deeply connected?" Lena raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Duh." Kara rolled her eyes, the tension gone between them.

"Then what do I want for dinner?"

Kara narrowed her eyes, looking her wife up and down. Pursed lips forming a small smirk, raised left eyebrow, arms crossed.

"I'm gonna go with...egg salad—no, chicken pot pie!"

Red lips twitched into the smallest of smiles. "Final answer?" she teased.

Kara nodded. "Final answer."

Lena slowly sauntered over to her and Kara's breath caught. "I haven't had chicken pot pie in years," she purred. Kara's face fell but her pulse pounded in her neck and Lena pressed her lips to the warm skin.

"So I have no idea how you got that right."

"I was right? Awesome!" Kara fist-pumped, breaking the moment.

"My god, you're such a dork," Lena chuckled. "Make me some pie, woman."

"From scratch?"

"We can make a sexy time of it." Lena batted her eyelashes.

* * *

It wasn't a sexy time. They fired a few flirtatious jokes as Kara pulled out the ingredients but then they had to settle on a recipe.

"Hey, what about this one?" Kara held up a spice rack.

Lena groaned. "Fine, go for it."

"I've always got 'thyme' for you," she said with a cheeky grin.

"I'm trying to pick a recipe here, darling."

"And I"m telling you I can make it from scratch!"

The second Kara had started on the crust, she had been all business, engrossed in the process.

"If you don't make it exactly right, your whole pie is ruined. Too dry, it falls apart. Too soggy and you're eating chicken soup with bits of bread," she said seriously. Her brow was knit and there was flour on her apron.

Lena watched her with fascination, admiring every movement the reporter made. The muscles in her arms reminded her of a marble statue she had seen in Italy and she almost bit her tongue when Kara bent over to put the crust in the oven.

"Can I spice this up?" she suggested, sliding off her stool.

"I've already put all the spices in, babe," Kara said distractedly, checking on her crust. Satisfied, she straightened up and started on the vegetables.

"Not what I meant." Lena slipped her hands around Kara's waist and started unbuttoning her shirt. The older woman didn't even notice until the last one came undone, the fabric hitting her bare skin.

"Lee," Kara complained, letting her pull the sleeves off.

Lena tilted her head and bit her lip. "Almost," she said playfully. She stood on tiptoe to kiss her wife.

Kara hummed; the kiss was more sweet than ravishing and all-encompassing. Lena drew patterns all the way up the skin of her back, her fingers reaching for the apron ties. The food sat forgotten on the counter.

A timer _dinged_ and Kara turned away, her mind already back on the pie. As she pivoted, the apron fell to the ground, folding in on itself like a tapestry.

Kara blew on the crust, poking the edge with a fork. "I think it's ready," she remarked, looking around for the knife. "Can you get the chicken ready?"

"I think I'll watch," Lena said playfully, winking her. Green eyes traveled along Kara's body from head to toe; wavy golden hair that framed a perfect face with elegant cheekbones, blue eyes cast down and focused on chopping carrots. Lean corded arms and sinfully deep collarbones right above her breasts, chiseled abs that made Lena's mouth water. She was staring at the defined V right by the waist of her pants when Kara's voice broke her concentration.

"Huh?" She tore her eyes away from the smooth, lightly-tanned skin and looked up.

"I said, why don't you finish the job?" The knife hit the cutting board in an even rhythm.

Needing no further convincing, Lena had Kara's bra off a second later. She watched her chest swell with every breath and shake with every movement. "Topless date night?"

" _You_ still have your shirt on," Kara said, glancing at Lena's blouse. Keeping their eyes locked, Lena pulled her own shirt off in a smooth motion and was rewarded with a breathy exhale on Kara's part.

"You know what's crazy?" she remarked.

"What?"

"How far we've come. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew you would be important to me. I just didn't know how important."

Lena smiled. "Thick and thin, and all that?"

Wiping her hands off, Kara frowned. "Seems to be more thick than thin, lately. You're right, what was I thinking?" Stuffing her pie crust haphazardly, the crinkle between her eyebrows deepened and she crushed a chunk of potato in her hands. "If anything happens to you, I'll never forgive myself."

"There's nothing to forgive." Her wife leaned forward and gave her a winning smile. "I won't forgive you if I don't get my pie soon, though."

* * *

"Supergirl."

Kara stood up from the monopoly board, attracting several glances her way. "J'onn."

"We've found the main Cadmus headquarters. Alex is sending you the coordinates."

A notification buzzed on her phone and Kara glanced down. "Got it."

"Recon teams say they saw a glowing red stone. That could mean red kryptonite, keep an eye out."

 _Time to test this necklace out._ Slipping the ring off her finger and onto her necklace, she turned back to her friends.

Sam, Lena and Maggie paused their game.

"What is it?" Lena was the first to speak. She saw the ring move from Kara's finger and knew she had some saving the world to do, but it didn't stop her worrying.

"Cadmus has a main headquarters," Kara said slowly. A main headquarters meant she could put a stop to any future plans. A main headquarters meant she could take revenge on the people who had taken innocent lives and cause Lena's nightmares.

"And?" Maggie prodded, seeing Lena's eyes widen.

Blinking, Kara pulled the hair tie out of her ponytail. Her hair cascaded down and a second later she was standing in her suit, her hands on her hips. "I think I can end Cadmus once and for all. Pay them back for everything they've done."

Lena started to stand and Kara rushed to her side. "Careful, careful!" the blonde exclaimed as Lena exhaled.

"I'm trying to tell _you_ to be careful, you dork." They kissed, a quick, light moment, and Lena patter her cheek. "Don't be a hero, okay?"

Kara smiled. Every time she got called away for work Lena said that and it had become her good luck charm. Routine words that she needed to hear.

"You got it." She was gone a second later, the curtains fluttering in the breeze.

"More popcorn anyone?" Lena covered up her worry with a smile.

Maggie beat her to the kitchen. "What's that look?"

"What look?" Lena busied herself with the microwave, not looking at the detective. Her own eyes stared back at her from the glass and she flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"I still worry every time Alex gets so much as a B and E call." Maggie recognized Lena's eyes. They looked just like her own. "The Danvers sisters are good at getting themselves in trouble."

"Understatement of the year." Lena watched the seconds tick down. Her morning sickness had been easy to manage so far but now her stomach was turning.

"They're also really good at getting themselves out of trouble, if it's any consolation."

Shaking her head, Lena wrenched the microwave open. "What if it's a trap? You think my mother would leave all of Cadmus undefended in the same place? And if she finds them, what will she do?"

Maggie pursed her lips. "You're afraid she'll kill them?" She remembered how Kara looked after they had saved her, kryptonite still leaving her system. Out of everyone, Kara deserved the best. She deserved the easy way, for once in her life.

"No." Lena closed her eyes and saw a spray of blood, heard a gunshot that made her jump and almost drop the bag of popcorn.

"You good, Luthor?" Maggie steadied her, a concerned look on her face. Her eyes glanced down to Lena's stomach where a bump was barely showing.

Lena followed her gaze and covered her stomach. "She wouldn't do that." Her wife was a kindhearted person that she couldn't see killing anyone—unless they had tortured her to the brink of death. If Lena could kill Nicholas without a second thought, what would Kara be capable of when faced with the organization that constantly put her and her family in danger? The strongest woman in the universe going against a few evil people, they didn't stand a chance.

"Let's play trivia," Sam called them over. Maggie pulled Lena back to the sitting room.

"They'll call when she's back." The cop draped a blanket across her shoulders and Lena reached for the edges gratefully.

Shaking the stress out of her shoulders, Lena took her seat at Sam's side. "I'm gonna crush you." She reached for the cards.

"I think I"ll watch for now," Maggie piped up, eating popcorn by the handful.

"Nope. You're on my team." Sam slapped her on the back. "It'll take more than just me to dethrone the reigning champ."

* * *

Kara landed at the DEO clutching at a gash in her arm. Blood dripped onto the floor and she stumbled, her sister catching her with a stream of questions on her lips.

"Give me one of those yellow sun grenades," Kara snapped.

"You need to slow down. Yellow sun can't help if they have kryptonite—"

"It's just a kryptonite knife, Alex. We had the element of surprise, let's not give them time to regroup," she said through clenched teeth. "Give it to me! I can't afford to solar flare in the middle of this mission."

"Kara, you—" Alex started but her sister was already gone. A glance at her weapons belt told her the sun grenade she kept there for emergencies had disappeared as well.

* * *

"What is the boiling point of water at the top of Mount Everest?"

Maggie stared Lena down as the CEO bit her lip. "No way you know this."

Seeing Lena start to smile, Sam groaned. "You jinxed it, Maggie."

"A hundred sixty-two degrees." Her smug grin was interrupted by her phone. She grabbed for it as Kara's face popped up, her heart jumping into her throat.

"Hi, darling. How's the mission going?"

"You know the G8 summit?" Kara's voice was rushed.

Lena grunted. "Seven, without Russia. But it's disbanded. What about it?"

"I found out why Cadmus has been silent for so long. The new version of it is being held in Belgium right now. They're about to release a payload of mustard gas into the city. I need to stop it." The kryptonian's words were tripping over themselves. "Problem is, the only way to stop it is to hack this system and Winn isn't around to help me and I don't trust the people at the DEO—"

"How much time do we have?" Lena cut her off, running for her computer. Sam and Maggie followed, confusion on their faces.

"Six minutes thirty-four seconds." Kara exhaled sharply.

Putting the phone on speaker, Lena's fingers flew across her keyboard. "I'm going to read off a code and you have to copy it perfectly to download the software you'll need—"

"Six minutes twenty-eight. Lena!"

"Okay, here's what you need to do..."

* * *

"Well done." J'onn applauded along with the other agents.

Kara grinned, hugging her sister. "It's all thanks to all of you. And Lena."

"And Lena," Alex echoed.

"Speaking of which, I gotta get back home. See you tomorrow? Let me know if the clean up crew needs any help," Kara waved, not even stopping to change her suit. A minute later she was flying through her window, landing quietly on the carpet. The apartment was dark and she glanced around, no trace of game night left.

A light flicked on in the kitchen. "And what do you call this?"

 _Uh oh._ Turning, she gave her wife a guilty smile. "Saving...the world?"

"It's almost ten at night. Way past your bedtime." Lena swirled a glass in her hands.

Kara's eyes widened and she was grabbing the glass a second later. "What are you doing? You can't drink when you're pregnant! Jesus, Lee, I thought you knew that?"

Lena snorted and took the glass back, sipping the golden liquid. "Relax, it's ginger ale. I—are you bleeding!?" The empty glass clinked against the counter.

Kara looked down, her eyebrows raising. "I didn't even notice those," she remarked of the shallow cuts in her suit. "They should've healed by now." Two of them were about half an inch deep and still leaking blood and the other few were just grazes. The one on her arm was throbbing but she tried to ignore it.

"Sit down." Lena pulled her to the couch. "Stay here." She headed for the bedroom and rifled through her purse.

"I'm not a dog," Kara snorted. "Lena, where are you going? I'm fine," Kara called after her. With Lena in the other room, her hand went to cover the gash in her arm. She became aware of a burning sensation and sunk into the couch, stifling a groan.

It didn't escape Lena's observant gaze as she walked back in the room. "Hold out your arm," she instructed, returning with a pair of tweezers and a small, black box.

Wincing, Kara straightened her arm out and Lena wiped the blood away gently, the red staining the tips of her fingers.

"This might hurt," she warned. Kara only nodded in subdued response and she poked the tweezers into the cut.

The kryptonian's entire body tensed, a fresh surge of blood spraying out of her arm as the muscles contracted around the metal, but all she did was whimper.

"Relax. Babe, I need you to relax or it'll do more damage when I pull it out."

"I'm trying," Kara ground out. "Distract me."

Lena turned a flashlight on the wound and adjusted her grip. "I was thinking we should go on vacation soon," she said casually, feeling the sliver of kryptonite catch on something. Kara flinched and Lena had to grab her arm to stop her jerking away, the flashlight falling to the floor.

"Where?"

"Somewhere with a beach? You like the sun, right?"

Kara grunted, focusing on Lena's fingers digging into her bicep. "You hate the beach."

"But you don't. We'll go with Sam and Ruby and you can invite the whole Danvers clan." Lena inhaled as the glowing green rock came out, drops of blood clinging to the sides. "Got it."

Clapping a hand over the cut, Kara sighed. "The sun and the sand doesn't sound to bad right now." The flow of blood was already slowing and she looked back down at her ruined suit. "I'll have to get a new one."

"I can fix it for you." Lena pushed a panel on the side of the small black box and a laser popped out. Kara ducked her head and it shot across the room. "Whoops." A second later the smell of smoke reached her and she craned her neck to see a burned-out circle by the light switch.

" _Why do you have a death ray?"_

"It isn't a _death ray._ It's chemoluminescence. The light is a product of an unstable chemical reaction, the energy is emitted in the form of light when the decay—"

"So it's a death _laser_ ," Kara said dubiously. She had no idea what Lena was talking about, just that there was one more thing for her to fix around the house. "I'll buy wallpaper tomorrow. Or paint."

She had already carried in a new fridge and painted a mural on their bedroom ceiling of the constellations—directed by Lena so they were scientifically accurate. She had rearranged the couches and changed all the light bulbs, floating in the apartment much to Lena's delight.

"It is a very concentrated stream of particles that mimics the effects of sunlight. Watch." Lena pointed it at Kara's arm and hit the panel.

They both looked on, holding their breath.

Somewhere outside a siren whizzed by but Kara's didn't acknowledge it, didn't jump up to investigate the emergency.

Because in front of her eyes, her skin was moving.

The flesh was knitting itself together, moving like a slow, little worm. It sent a tingling, itchy sensation up her arm and she bit her lip, her eyes widening. The skin sealed shut and there was nothing left but the dried blood on her suit as proof of the injury.

Lena ran her hand over the skin, marveling at how flawless it felt. "It worked," she breathed.

"You sound surprised?" Kara raised an eyebrow and inspected her arm. Even with her microscopic vision she couldn't find anything wrong with the skin and when she flexed her arm, it moved smoothly.

"The opportunity to test it hasn't really come up until now. May I?" Lena nodded to the handful of shallow cuts.

"They'll heal soon." Kara waved her away, meeting her emerald-green eyes. Lena's pupils were huge in the dark, swallowing the irises, and Kara couldn't stop herself from leaning forward and kissing her cheek in an almost shy gesture. "You're so smart." She sat back, shaking her head. "Sometimes I can't even imagine how much information you have stored in there."

"And yet, I burned that toast a few days ago because I was watching you do yoga."

Kara smiled, watching the rest of the cuts disappear with the residual sun radiation. "It's because I'm insanely hot," she said haughtily.

"You are," Lena agreed. "I know you're joking, but I'm not."

Blushing, Kara took her glasses off. "I'm gonna go change. Can you grab the duvet off the bed?"

"Excuse me?" Lena tilted her head. "I am carrying your child, you can walk the ten steps to the bedroom yourself, missy."

A few seconds later a blanket hit her in the face and Kara was leaning against the arm of the couch, her cheeks still red from the compliment. "Riverdale or Lucifer?"

Lena shook out the blanket, draping it over the two of them. "Lucifer. Because like the Devil, I'm tired of people blaming me for everything and hating me because they think I'm inherently evil." She wondered if this chip on her shoulder would ever go away. Probably not, but whenever Kara was around it didn't seem to matter. As long as Kara loved her, the rest of the world could hate her and she would be okay with who she was.

Kara was eyeing her with a peculiar expression. "Maybe we should watch something else."

"Or maybe we shouldn't watch anything at all." Lena hiked up the hem of Kara's shirt. Her wife leaned back, her chest heaving, and Lena bent over to kiss her neck. She saw worry flash in Kara's eyes but she blinked and they were back to their normal ocean-blue.

"If you're about to say we can't have sex because I'm pregnant," she mumbled, her tongue gliding across Kara's skin, "I'll kill you."

"Because you're a Luthor?" The joke was lost in Kara's gasp.

"No, because I want sex."

* * *

The sun still hadn't risen when Kara rolled over, her stomach growling. She had no sense of time and patted Lena's shoulder, not opening her eyes.

"Breakfast," she said in a voice full of sleep.

Lena opened one eye to squint at the clock then shut it a second later. "It's not even five a.m. Go back to sleep."

"Hm." Kara rolled over until she was spooning her and inhaled Lena's scent. Her arm draped over Lena's side and onto her stomach. Was it her imagination or was her wife's baby bump exponentially bigger?

Thinking of what that meant for them, her veins flooded with excitement and her eyes snapped open to stare at the back of Lena's neck.

 _We're having a baby._

 _In a few months, I'll be buying diapers instead of wine._

 _We both work so much, can we handle a baby?_

 _It's a little too late to get cold feet._

Practically flying around the side of the bed, she knelt on the floor, resting her chin against the mattress. She watched Lena's body shift as the brunette stretched, holding her breath until she settled back down. Her eyes fastened on the t-shirt covering Lena's stomach and she pursed her lips.

Lena had been adamant about her not using x-ray vision; her powers came from the sun making them some form of radiation and she didn't want to expose the baby to anything potentially harmful. There were already MRI's and scans that showed nothing was wrong with the baby, she didn't need to double check what the doctors already knew.

" _Hello, little one."_ The kryptonian rolled off her tongue, halting and broken. She shot a glance at Lena's face, her forehead free of wrinkles and her mouth slightly open, and her heart melted.

" _Can you hear me?_ "

Lena sighed in her sleep and Kara's voice lowered, her native tongue coming more easily after a few words.

" _Are you going to be good for your mother?"_ She smiled to herself. _"You don't understand what I'm saying."_

A minute ticked by and she started talking faster, excitement getting the better of her.

" _I hope one day you do. I hope one day I can tell you my secret and you'll understand that it doesn't matter who you are or where you're from as long as you are a good person. I promise to make the world a better place for you and I promise to make sure you never feel alone the way I did."_

Not realizing that Lena had woken up, she kept up a steady stream of kryptonian, her voice dipping up and down as emotion choked her.

The brunette kept her eyes on Kara's face, a tear of pure happiness leaking out and soaking into the pillow. Her wife had such an expression of joy on her face that it brightened up the room and she closed her eyes again, falling asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

"Alex, where'd you leave the bag?"

"What bag?"

"You know, _the bag_." Maggie bustled out of the kitchen, bouncing Winn on her hip. "I'm off work the next few days and I washed all his onesies and put them in the bag but now I can't find them."

Alex didn't answer, just held up a blue duffel bag with a smirk on her face. The cop kissed her cheek and unzipped it, fishing out a bottle and a blanket.

"You already feed him?"

"Yeah. I'll be back around lunch time then I'm home at six thirty. I was planning on doing the dishes but," Alex shrugged. "Duty calls. Gotta go save the world."

"Lame excuse, Danvers." Maggie's dimples formed and Alex kissed her, pulling on her boots at the same time. "Go to work. We'll still be here when you get back." Her voice shot up an octave. "Say bye-bye to mommy, Winn. Who's the best baby in the entire world?"

Alex paused at the door. She knew she had to go to work but the idea of calling out and staying home with her family was beyond tempting. Maggie must have seen the look on her face because she was already shaking her head.

"Nope. Go to work. Can't have public safety slipping on my watch." Winn made half a crying noise and Maggie ruffled through the bag for his pacifier before the noise could convince Alex to stay home. "Do you want to go earn some money so we can keep our apartment?" she said snarkily, patting Winn's back with a soothing, even rhythm.

"Whatever. You're not always right, you know that?"

"True, but I'm never wrong!" Maggie yelled after her,

* * *

"What's getting you down, Mrs. Luthor?"

Kara skulked into her Cat Co. office accepting Eve's coffee without a smile. "Hormones are gonna be the death of me."

Eve gave her a knowing look. "My mom got like that with my brother. She kicked my dad out of the bed every other night for two months. She'll get over it."

"I don't understand. I've brought her donuts, I've made her dinner, I do the dishes every night...I even let her win at chess every time we play!"

"I don't think she needs you to _let_ her win," Eve snorted. "Your phone is ringing," she added, pointed to Kara's purse.

"The other night she was craving fresh cilantro so I went out and got her some. At two in the morning! And then she wanted butter pecan ice cream, who likes butter pecan ice cream—Hi baby," she answered the phone, her smile forming automatically at the sound of Lena's voice.

Eve shook her head, walking to her desk. Kara might vent to her at work but if Lena asked for authentic Chinese food, the girl of steel would fly across the globe to get it for her without a second's hesitation.

"Why'd you leave me this morning?" Lena whined. She was halfway through a portfolio and had gotten bored.

"I'm at work. I tried to get you to get up but you said I was cruel for making you leave the warmth of the bed."

"No, I said you were cruel for leaving _with_ the warmth of the bed. Big difference."

"Listen, babe, I have a meeting with the advertising department in twenty minutes. What's up?" Kara sifted through her mail, tossing it behind her shoulder and into the recycle bin.

"I'm lonely. Come talk to the baby."

"But my meeting—"

"Make Eve handle it. Please?" Knowing Kara could hear her pout over the phone, Lena already had a triumphant expression on her face when Supergirl flew in through her balcony and landed on her rug as Kara Danvers. "You're getting really good at that."

"I'm good at a lot of things," Kara smirked, doing up the last button on her shirt. "I have eighteen minutes." She picked Lena up and carried her to the couch. "Why do you wear three-inch Louboutins? You own the company. Show up in your pajamas, no one can fire you."

"It's all about appearances." Lena wrapped her arms around Kara's neck, leaning into her body. She wished she could take the day off and hang around Cat Co. but she was back to working on her surgical experiment, trying to get as much done as possible before she went into labor. Kara had been sleeping better the last few weeks, even with staying up to talk to the baby.

"Oh yeah? You mean the appearance of the CEO cuddling her wife like a baby koala?" Kara strained her ears, a feeling gnawing at her.

"Exactly. It means that much like the mighty koala, I am loyal and dependable."

"You might be thinking of something else, babe. Be quiet for a second, will you?"

Lena watched her face change from confusion to absolute wonder in a matter of seconds. Kara set her down on the couch and pressed her ear to Lena's belly, holding her breath.

"What is it?" The brunette's voice was laced with worry.

"I can hear the heartbeat!"

Putting a hand on her stomach, Lena gasped. "Really?"

"I haven't really been listening for it, I just guessed—oh, Rao," Kara's eyes flicked up, looking shocked.

"What's wrong? Tell me," Lena insisted, concern shooting through her. Maybe she hadn't been drinking enough water or getting enough sleep, or she should've gone home earlier the other day or worn an extra sweater for the meeting in the coldest conference room on the floor. A multitude of _what if's_ ran through her mind and she tapped Kara's shoulder, desperate for an answer.

"Both," Kara said faintly, her eyes glazing over.

"Both? Both what? What's going on, Kara?"

"There's two. Two heartbeats."

* * *

sorry, i've been real busy. feels like I'm kinda getting sloppy but I'm trying to move this along. any thoughts on kids names?


	52. 52) You Are My Hero

"Mrs. Luthor, here's your mail." Jess placed a stack of papers on her desk and left.

Lena started to go through the pile, muttering under her breath. "Bills, invitation, bills, advertisements...Morgan Edge?" She read the return address and slit open the envelope, her curiosity peaked. He had bought up the majority of Nicholas' assets—employees, property, shares—from her a year ago and hadn't spoken to her since.

The office phone rang, interrupting her musings.

"Mrs. Luthor?" Jess said over the intercom.

"Yes?"

"Morgan Edge for you."

 _That can't be a coincidence._ "Put him through."

"Good morning!" He sounded exuberant through the phone and she was immediately suspicious. "Congratulations on the nuptials, I hope it was a happy day?"

Lena ignored the question. "Mr. Edge, what can I do for you?"

"Please, call me Morgan. And it's not what you can do for me but what I can do for you."

She could hear the smile in his tone and crossed her arms. "And what would that be?"

"You oversee a sizable chunk of National City's property, namely the Luthor Children's hospital. I have a deal for you. Did you get my letter?"

Skimming over the neat, printed words, Lena pursed her lips together. The card reeked of cologne and she wrinkled her nose at both the message and the stench. "No deal." It wasn't at all what she wanted for the hospital and she didn't trust his intentions.

"Think about it, Lena," he wheedled. "Knock it down, build it back up bigger and better with my developers. It's a win-win."

"Mrs. Luthor, to you. And the only side I see winning here is yours, Edge."

"Come on, Mrs. Luthor." His voice dropped several notes. "This could be good publicity for you."

Already over the conversation, Lena went back to her mail. "Thanks, but no thanks. Until next time."

She ended the call, tossing out the spam mail and Edge's card along with it. Fingering the invitation, she pressed the intercom. "Jess?"

"Yes, Mrs. Luthor?"

"Get my wife over here."

Not waiting for a reason, Jess was already ringing Kara, who was speed dial two on the office phones. Speed dial one gave her a direct line to the DEO and the comm system.

A shadow darkened her window and Kara smiled at her, floating above the balcony. "You called?" Her cape rippled in the wind and Lena's breath caught like it always did at the sight of the suit.

"Supergirl."

Dropping down, Kara walked inside. "Do you need something, Mrs. Luthor?" She looked around; nothing seemed out of place and she examined Lena's face. "Why do you look so guilty?" she said lightly, heading for the private room off to the side. There were several changes of clothes in there that Lena had bought for her, and they were all more expensive than she cared to ask.

Lena waited for her to emerge, buttoning a blouse over her suit. "We've been invited to a gala," she said slowly.

"A gala." Kara waited for more information.

"It's a fundraiser for an organization fighting human trafficking. They want a keynote speaker from Cat Co. because of your Slaver's Moon article."

Kara beamed. "That's awesome! Not about the human trafficking, but that they want you—"

"They actually want you to speak."

The smile slowly dropped off Kara's face as her eyes widened. "Me?" she said faintly.

"You don't have to decide right now," Lena said hurriedly, "The RSVP isn't due for two weeks and the event isn't for another six."

"A month and a half? Wait, that's—that's cutting it too close to the due date! I'm not going to risk it, no way." Kara shook her head.

"Just think about it, darling." Lena held her hand, a good two inches taller than her in her heels. "I think it'll be really good for you. You'll get tons of exposure and I know you want to do more public appearances without the cape." She lowered her voice at the end, glancing around.

"You realize you're going to be _giving birth_ in two months. It's not a day trip to the spa, it's a dangerous, painful ordeal—"

"That women have been doing on their own in mud huts since the beginning of time. Even if I go into labor early, I'll be fine. I do own a hospital."

"A _children's_ hospital," Kara said, doubt plain in her eyes.

"That's who I'm giving birth to," Lena said, knitting her eyebrows. "You do realize how this works, right? It's not like Themyscira where you're molded out of clay or sprung from Zeus' head."

Kara huffed, her eyes glistening. "What if you die?! The mother can die in childbirth too, you know. What if—" Her hidden fears came back to the surface and she sat down, pulling Lena with her. She couldn't imagine what she would do if something happened to her wife, what would happen to the kids. She knew part of it stemmed from her own abandonment issues but mind over matter was a hard thing to follow when there was so much evidence to the contrary.

Her heart swelling in her chest, Lena put a hand on her belly and the other one against Kara's jaw. "Is that what you're worried about? If anything goes wrong—which it won't," she added, seeing Kara's expression darken, "If anything goes wrong, there are doctors by the dozens in this city, the best of which work for me. And your sister."

A few deep breaths later, Kara nodded. "Can I think about it?"

Seeing an opening, Lena caressed her cheek. "I'll give you a week."

"Thank you."

"Only," Lena held up a finger, "If you give me the list of baby names you've been working on. In English."

"What, I—I'm not, you—" Kara sputtered.

"I see you late at night scribbling on that paper. I listened to you talk for an hour the other night and it definitely wasn't English."

"I didn't know you were awake," Kara blushed. "My kryptonian is out of practice."

"It sounded beautiful. Do we have a deal?"

Kara bit her lip. "I don't have it with me," she started.

"No problem." Lena was all business and Kara was finding it hard to concentrate, feeling a little swept off her feet by the energy the CEO was giving off. "Have it on my desk by the end of the day. Also, the gala is in New Zealand, if that'll help your decision."

* * *

"Hey, are you all packed?"

Flying over the city, Kara swallowed guiltily. She was trying to stop a speeding car with stolen clothes in the back and squinted, x-raying the streets. "Yes?"

"Try again."

"No?"

"Kara!" Lena threw her hands up in frustration. "I texted you two hours ago. I thought you would be ready to go by now!"

"I am, I am!"

"Is that why I'm staring at your empty suitcase?" Lena pushed at it and it fell over. "The flight leaves at three. It's quarter past two."

"Oh, crap. Really? Time flies when you're, uh, flying," Kara said lamely. "I'll be there in a minute, I just need—"

"Supergirl, we've got it if you need to go," Alex said over the comms.

"Just one more—"

"Stop trying to get out of this, Kara." Lena sat down on the bed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "You've practiced your speech a hundred times. Everything will be fine, the event is tomorrow and we'll be home by Monday evening." She felt a kick in her belly and pressed a hand to her stomach. What felt like a contraction hit her and she clenched her jaw. _Must be Braxton Hicks._

Wind blew past her face and she gasped. A mini-whirlwind was attacking Kara's apartment and she watched as the blur of red and blue slowly blended into pink and black. A few minutes later Kara was standing by the door, her suitcase bursting at the seams and a smile on her face.

"Why aren't you ready to go? I'm all packed."

Lena rolled her eyes. "Alright, smart ass. Don't play coy with me." She stood up, holding her belly. "The car's waiting outside."

Opening the door, Kara saluted her. "Yes ma'am. And can I just say, you look beautiful today."

"I'm still mad you were late."

* * *

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

They were walking down the street, arm in arm. "It actually felt really good. I'm glad you forced me to do it," Kara teased her, "Even though we didn't leave until after two a.m. What kind of fundraiser lasts that long?"

"I didn't force you to do anything!" Lena elbowed her jokingly but her lips were a tight line. Throughout the dinner her occasional contractions had gotten slowly worse, in both timing and discomfort. Another one hit and she stumbled, Kara's arm quick to steady her.

The intense look of worry on Kara's face almost made her confess but she thought about the flight they had scheduled the next morning and kept her mouth shut.

"Babe, are you okay?!"

"I"m fine," Lena waved her away. "Just caught my heel in some cobblestones."

They made it back to the hotel incident-free and Kara picked her up the second their door opened and laid her out on the bed. "Just stay there, I'll get everything packed. The flight's at nine, right?"

Lena didn't answer her, her teeth gritting against the pain in her gut. _It's not supposed to happen for another few days._

"Lee? Did you want me to pack our dirty laundry together, cause right now it's just all in this trash bag." Kara started cleaning up the hotel room.

"It's fine either way." She sounded breathless even to her own ears and Kara whipped her head around, her eyes narrowing.

"What's wrong?" she asked suspiciously, peering at her wife.

Lena said nothing, feeling warmth pooling around her legs. She looked up, meeting Kara's eyes and swallowed. "I'm pretty sure my water just broke."

Kara's eyes widened fractionally and a moment later Lena was jerked off the bed, rock hard arms around her. The ocean was choppy blur and the hotel duvet Kara had stolen was flapping in the wind, the only thing keeping her warm as the wind hit her face.

"Kara, what are you doing!?"

"Getting you to a hospital," the blonde ground out. "I can't believe you didn't say anything! I can't believe I didn't notice, I'm such an _idiot._ "

Sucking in air, Lena tightened her grip on Kara's sweater.

 _Wait. Sweater?_

"You're not in your suit, you can't just fly me to a hospital! That'll give it away for sure." She squeezed her eyes shut against the next contraction, her body pushing against Kara's unrelenting grip.

"Alex," Kara said, talking to herself. "I'll get Alex to drive you."

"I don't think we have time for that." Lena's face was tight with pain and she glared at her wife. "You idiot, there are hospitals in Europe, too."

The sun was still setting when they got to National City, a good nine hours behind the English time zone. They got to Alex's door and Kara broke it down in her hurry, already calling her sister's name and setting Lena on the couch.

Alex and Maggie shot up from the dinner table, both holding guns. When they saw the intruders, their expressions went from confused to relieved; Winn started to cry at the noise and Alex hurried to pick him up. Gertrude recognized Kara's scent and stopped snapping at her heels, jumping up on her instead.

Maggie was still holding her gun at her side and she shot her sister-in-law a worried look. "Jesus, Kara, what's going on?"

"It's Lena. She needs a hospital but I can't fly her there and I can't take her as Supergirl because then everyone will know." The words rushed out as Kara wrung her hands.

"Weren't you two supposed to be in Ireland?" Putting her gun away, Maggie was already shoving her feet into shoes. She had a pretty good idea of what was going on and shot a glance at Lena; whitened knuckles on the couch's armrests confirmed her suspicions.

"New Zealand. I panicked, okay? For the last month and a half I've only been thinking about National City hospital. That I just needed to get her there and—"

Maggie grabbed her shoulders, trying to impose some direction to Kara's wild energy. "Bring her to my car. I'll take her, with lights and sirens it'll get us there faster. You follow with Alex once I leave; the second the press gets wind of this there's going to be cameras swarming the place and you can't risk being seen."

Biting her nails, Kara shook her head. "I'm going with you." Her brain felt like it was bouncing off the inside of her skull and no matter how many deep breaths she took, she didn't feel ready.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here," Lena interrupted, "And take me to the fucking hospital!"

"Okay," Maggie nodded as Kara went over to Lena. "But don't get over excited and carry her out of the car. We don't need your secret getting out today."

* * *

" _Lena Luthor has just given birth to twins here at National City hospital. The CEO and her wife arrived here just before six pm, but it turned out to be a difficult labor as can be the case with twins. Seven hours later a close friend of the family, Samantha Arias, came out to announce the news, then disappeared back inside. No one was expecting two children except, perhaps, the Danvers-Luthors themselves."_

"Did they pick names yet?" Maggie bounced Winn up and down on her knee. The little boy clapped his hands together, a four-toothed smile on his face.

Alex turned in her chair outside the hospital room and started playing peekaboo with their son. "As far as I know, they're still crying. Kara's such a softy when it comes to babies."

"Your sister is practically a baby herself," Maggie smirked. "I can't wait to see her raising kids. You think she'll, um," her voice dropped to a whisper. "Use her powers around them?"

Alex bit her lip. "I don't know, actually. If I know Kara, she'll want them to have as normal a life as possible but she won't want to hide anything. She'll want to be true to herself and not lie to them either, so who knows? She always surprises me."

"I can't wait until they're all older and we can make Ruby babysit them when she's home for breaks."

"Planning ahead, aren't you?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"I like to be prepared."

The door opened and Sam's arm reached out, grabbing the back of Alex's shirt. Chuckling, Maggie stood and followed.

Kara was gazing at Lena. The look on her face was pure love and Maggie felt like she should look away. It was like watching someone's soul come apart, watching Kara's expressions.

"Hey," Lena said shyly. Tiredly. Seven hours of pushing and screaming had left her exhausted but she had a look on her face that Alex knew immediately. Unconditional love. The kind of love that, Alex knew, was beyond description, beyond fathoming. The two small, squirming bundles lying on her chest made Alex inch closer.

"I have a lot more respect for my mother now," Lena huffed. "She's still evil, but anyone who gives birth is a superhero."

"I agree." Kara sat down, brushing the hair out of Lena's face. She bent down to kiss her wife with gentle movements. "But you've always been my hero."

Lena looked back up at Alex. "Want to hear their names? We kind of need your approval." She seemed a little nervous for someone who had just created two human beings.

"Why would you need my approval?" Alex shrugged. "I'm sure whatever you decided was perfect."

"It is," Sam jumped in, rubbing her arm. "You'll see."

"His name is Christopher," Lena said, pointing to her son. "And our daughter's name is Alexandra." She met Alex's gaze, a grateful look in her eyes.

Alex swallowed. "Oh," she said shortly. Tears sprung to her eyes as her sister hugged her. "That's such an honor, I...I don't know what to say. I don't deserve that."

Kara sniffled, back to crying herself. "Of course you deserve it. I want her to grow up to be like you; strong, smart, capable. I want her to be able to live her life however she pleases, just like you."

"I didn't think I left _that_ much of an impression on you," Alex joked, wiping away a tear. She felt Maggie's hand on her back and swallowed again.

"Don't be ridiculous. You made the best impression a sister could ask for. When I got here, I was all alone. I had no one, I had nothing, I didn't know how to exist on this planet. But you made me feel safe, you made me feel like I could have a home here. And I never knew how to repay you, but I can start with this."

Alex nodded wordlessly, hugging her sister again. "I love you," she whispered, sinking into Kara's almost-too-tight embrace. "No matter what, I will never not be thankful that you landed on this planet."

"Me, too."

* * *

 _ **[ten years later]**_

"Mom, can I go to the store and buy some chocolate?"

Kara looked up from her work to see Alex standing in her home office doorway. Green eyes flashed back at her and she heard her wife's heartbeat in the other room. "Which store?"

"Just the Supermart."

"Super, huh. Don't you have to cross a road to get there?" Kara leaned her head on her hands.

"All the other kids say their parents let them go across the street," Alex whined, as stubborn as her aunt. "I'll wait for the light to change and everything."

"That's a given," Kara said in a firm voice. "And you shouldn't eat chocolate before dinner."

"What if I save it for afterwards?"

Hearing Lena curse under her breath and toss a paper across the room, Kara smiled. _She could use a pick-me-up._ "Go see what your mother says," she nodded to her daughter.

Alex darted away and Kara watched her go, reminiscing on her own childhood. Running around Krypton without a care in the world, and then later, with Alex, trying to stay out of trouble. Her sister had stayed in the city with Maggie whereas she and Lena had moved out to the suburbs, trading their fast-paced city life for farmland and a longer commute. They mostly worked from home and alternated business trips so one of them was always with the kids. Sam visited often and when Ruby wasn't busy with her Stanford class load, she watched the kids while all the women got together.

"Mommy, can I go buy chocolate?"

Lena raised an eyebrow. "With whose money?" She sat forward, her slitted tank top riding up.

"Mine. I saved up six dollars from doing chores and I want a Snickers."

"Don't we have those in the house somewhere, or did Mom eat them all? You should save your money."

"All we have is Milky Ways. I already checked."

"I bet you did," Lena snorted. "Is that why you've been running around like a sugar monster? We're about to have dinner, Lex. Wait until tomorrow."

"Mom said I could go." The little girl pouted and Lena rolled her eyes. Alex was already learning to imitate Kara's pout and it was surprisingly just as effective.

"Did she now?"

Alex hesitated for a second then frowned. "She said to ask you," she admitted.

Lena deliberated. If she got started on dinner in half an hour, it would put enough time between candy and the meal. "Fine. Only if you take your brother," she pointed a finger at her daughter.

"You're the best!" Alex almost ran into Kara, who was leaning against the door frame. "Mommy said I could go," she blurted out, flashing past the blonde.

"Finally, some time alone." Lena ran a hand through her hair and sat back with a soft smile. "How's that article going?"

"About using less plastic? Pretty well, actually. Most restaurants are banning plastic straws and I have a bunch of sources from the EPA."

"Like who?" A twitch of perfect eyebrows sent Kara back to another night, before she and Lena had fallen in love and moved in together and saved each other time and time again.

"Lange. Scottsdale. Rafferty." Kara rattled off the names of high-ranking politicians like it was nothing. "And guess who else? Morgan Edge. Couldn't make it in the developing business so he went into politics."

"Where he'll no doubt do twice as much lying. He never built a thing as far as I know."

"That's not fair." Kara walked over to her, letting her wavy hair out of its bun. "He did build that mini-golf course. Did I ever tell you I really like that shirt on you?" She changed the subject, seeing Lena's skin peeking through the slits.

"It's actually your shirt," Lena grinned as Kara leaned over her.

"I know. What's mine is yours and all that." She caught a glimpse of the familiar tattoo and traced it with her fingers. "You ever regret getting this?"

"Not once."

"Even though you only got it because you thought I died?"

Lena pushed her away with a smile. "I'm prone to giving in to my emotions. Thankfully I was wrong and you weren't dead, but it just means that I'll always have you with me."

"I think Alex saw it the other day in the pool. That bikini didn't cover much."

"That bikini was for _your_ benefit," Lena smirked, but her brow furrowed. "Did she say anything?"

"Not yet." Kara hesitated and Lena touched her cheek.

"What is it?"

"When am I supposed to tell them? _What_ am I supposed to tell them?" she said, the crinkle forming between her eyebrows. She had had this conversation almost every night for the first three years after bringing them home and it was starting to come up again.

"You'll know when the time is right. I believe in you."

"That doesn't fix the 'what'." Lena kissed her and her brain started short-circuiting like it always did when Lena's lips were on hers.

"Just tell them the truth," Lena said in a low voice. "Tell them that you're a unique woman who can do things no one else can." She pulled Kara onto her lap, kissing her neck. "Tell them that you were a reporter doing your job when you walked into my office and fell in love with me." Her hands slipped under Kara's shirt and rested on the small of her back, holding her in place. "Tell them what I've always known. That you, Kara Danvers-Luthor, are my hero."

* * *

i figured valentine's day's a good day as any to finish this story, even if i post it later. At the end of the day i rly am just a soft bitch for supercorp. thanks for tagging along for 8 months :)


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